I have been married for four years. Everything was good at first, but now it doesn’t seem that my husband wants to be clean. He works 10 hours a day outside working with forklifts and only showers once a week. It has begun to take a toll on our social life. I’ve had friends comment on how dirty he looks, and now I don’t want to be seen in public. I’ve told him countless times. My sexual interest is O at this point.
Is he depressed? I’d be more concerned about my husbands mental health status than “friends” opinions.
I definitely wouldn’t allow him to have sex with you until his hygiene improves. You’ll get an infection.
My first thought was depression too. Especially if you’ve talked to him.
Have you talked to him about it? I’d have a gentle conversation. He’s not a mind reader and might not know how you feel.
What??? Um, no. Works outside? I’ll say a special prayer for you
Lordy lordy!
Sounds like depression
He might have depression
Ask him for sex in the shower
I totally understand, unfortunately, mine is the same, he’s just never had good hygiene. I’m very open with him about it and he puts some more effort in but it’s like it doesn’t come naturally to him at all
I know others are laughing and being immature but this sounds exactly like depression. It’s not funny
tell him to wash his ass or hose him down…thats pure laziness not to be clean
Is he just exhausted??? Feels like there is no time?
Sounds like depression. Get him some of those dude wipes (that’s actually the brand name) and gently let him know that they are there for him to use if he doesn’t feel like showering.
It may be depression like others say. He could also be super tired after a long day. Try showering with him and washing him. It’s a sweet and intimate way of being there for him during a difficult time.
Please no sex. Infection waiting to happen.
please for the lobe of god and saftey, dont have sex with him until he washes…at least wash his monkey first…youll get infections
Depression can cause this to happen. Has he lost interest in other things as well?
What is he doing once he gets home.
U Could say that u will get tea on the table while he takes a quick shower. Bit of encouragement
Being ur husband I would honestly talk to him,
No washy, no sexy… Honestly, from what you say, I wouldn’t want to be with him. Total turn off. (all seriousness, I’d be so turned off, I’d check out and we’d be roomates).
My husband is the same way… well used to be… I took him to get our nails and toes done. Set up the hair cut appointment myself for him, and bought him nice clothes for home and when he’s not working l. After he seen how good he looked and how much better he felt he started doing it more often
Oh God, I shower 2x a day…I wouldn’t be able to handle it!! Definitely have a convo with him and as others have said, see if depression is a possibility here.
I agree with what others have said. This definitely sounds like depression.
Sounds like depression.
He may be depressed or just be exhausted. Can you get in the shower with him, & clean him? Like a dude spa day? When I was depressed, having my bf wash my long hair was so loving, and so helpful. Guys need that, sometimes, too
Hes depressed and over worked.
I shower every single day. I suffer from depression. Not every depressed person skips showers, so don’t classify it as only and every depressed person is nasty.
Maybe plan something special and get him dressed up and tell him how sexy he looks etc maybe he’s down about himself
I think he needs a break …
Take a shower with him. Make it fun.
It definitely sounds like depression
Does it not bother him that you don’t want sex anymore? I know for my husband, that would get his ass in the shower immediately. I hope whatever it is gets better soon, I’m sorry you’re going through it.
Offer to shower together. He could be depressed
Throw a large dog bed on the floor on his side of the bed, fill his side with his clean clothes. The dog bed is his to sleep on unless and until he cleans up. Or quit doing housework and cooking.
Depression. When I hit my lowest I was bathing and brushing my hair barely once a week.
Someone works for 10 hrs a day then he must be absolutely tired with his life and not feeling good anyways… You gotta ask yourself that question “ Was he like that before you guys got married? “ if no, then the marriage responsibilities is affecting his mental health and you as his wife gotta tc of him and try to solve the issue and support him. If yes, he was like that before marriage, then this is the same person you have chosen to be with 4 years ago.
Get in the damn shower with him!! He needs you right now.
He could be depressed🤷♀️ while your worried about what others think perhaps try get to the root of the problem and ask if he’s ok🙄 when i fell into depresion i found it difficult to do the most simplistic of things. I didn’t stop bathing daily but i stopped caring about make up and doing my hair etc just stopped loving myself until i looked into the mirror one day and thought how the hell did i get to this point. If you’re in depression the smallest things can often become a overwhelming issue so maybe he just needs abit more support and an understanding ear to gently nudge him into the shower🤷♀️ Best of luck and i hope he’s ok.
Spray him with Axe when he’s sleeping lol
Maybe help him wash up. He’s probably exhausted, stressed, etc and he may need some TLC from you to show you still love him. Good luck.
Put his pillow on the couch? Small hints
Sounds like he’s hurting emotionally. Probably overly stressed. Why don’t you try a sexy shower with him? Make him feel appreciated and sexy and get him squeaky clean at the same time? Don’t be mean about it…
Men, particularly overworked men with physically demanding jobs, don’t typically have an outlet to vent emotional distress safely and tend to suffer because of it. Hygiene suffering is one of the first signs of mental duress.
Some of ya’ll don’t deserve to have a significant other. Geez.
Even if he just lost all interest in being clean, you agreed to marry him through thick and thin. Instead of trying to talk to HIM, you lose sexual interest in him, judge him, and then allow others to talk bad about him. Great job.
TALK TO HIM.
Maybe he doesn’t think about showering every day, maybe something is wrong, or something else. It happens.
You shouldn’t have to parent your partner but at the same time you need to have an honest conversation with him as to why he is only bathing 1x a week. With long labor jobs like that, I think it would be a necessity of atleast a shower daily. You need to have this conversation with him though so you can tackle this at the root of the problem.
Maybe he’s depressed…
My ex was the same, never brushed his teeth or showered very often. He would want to have sex and I’d say no. I’d nag him all the time until one day I said I was done. He’s still the same and doesn’t really care and he is not depressed at all. Just a dirty little shit!
Fill up the tub and tell him to lay in there
Make a romantic bath for the both & go to town with that scrubby girl
I am a welder & work 12’s outside & still shower morning and night, I think maybe it would be worth just sitting him down and talking about it in a nice way? Start by asking is he’s feeling okay or what’s going on & if there’s a reason he hasn’t been?
Wow he works his ass off and your nagging and it trying help positively definitely just try to be positive like hey you wanna take a shower babe you get in first all meet you in their
I agree with everyone else, it definitely sounds like depression
Take a shower with him. Talk to him about how he is feeling and why he doesn’t want to shower. If my husband is procrastinating a shower cause he is to tired I give him incentive haha. When I’m really depressed I hate showering so my husband does the same for me. You withdrawing from him will only make the situation worse so find a way to clean him and be with him.
Oh ew. Once a week is rough. Tell him he’s on the couch till then. Check to make sure he’s not depressed though. When I got in stumps I’d sit around and lack in showers too. Not once a week but still less than daily.
Depression. Stop worrying about what others think first of all.
I was shopping with hubby and got him new shower gel with him. He was confused when I was smelling the men’s soaps and I told him “I sleep next to you every night and love a man that smells nice”. But I also got a kick out of the brand name of the soap. Wild Willie’s I think it was called? Lmfao He enthusiastically used it the next morning before our all day date and we had sex for the first time in a year. My meds kill my sex drive, but something magical happened yesterday.
Instead of being embarrassed and only worried about your self i think you really need to get him some help this sound like depression and that is not laughing matter . you need to have a serious conversation and see what you two can come up with to get him help
Depression if he wasn’t always like this?
Talk to him see what is wrong don’t judge him though just cause your friends do.
Could be depression. Maybe buy a book of “self care”/"self love, you know, “for yourself”, and tell him all about everything youre learning from it.
I wouldn’t be allowing friends to be bagging him out in my company. Real friends don’t behave that way.
There is obviously under lying issues. His mental health is at risk. 10 hour days shows you he is committed to bringing in the bacon, but really how much bacon is needed to live a happier existence?
Need less and gain more
Depression or Bi polar, but it sounds like a mental illness, which is nothing to be embarrassed about. Start by talking to his doctor.
Once a week… oh no
Just talk to him, I heard recently that depressed people don’t have the energy to take a shower. He might really be hurting in some way
I went through this with my ex. If he looked dirty he would shower but if just stunk, he wouldn’t. It was awful. He wouldn’t brush his teeth unless I asked him to. A lot of it is how he grew up but even talking to him he just got offended. Said he was clean. I know it’s a tough situation.
My ex was the same… he wasn’t depressed… he was lazy and couldn’t be bothered showering. Its disgusting. My ex needed a mother not a wife. Its hard. I feel for you!
Is he exhausted, depressed? 10 hour days is a long, I know when im finished work I have 0 energy and a shower Is the last thing on my mind
I am currently going through this also with my spouse. He’s depressed. His days blur together and he doesn’t even realize it’s been so long without showering. Sometimes I have to give him a gentle reminder. I get how frustrating it can be and I definitely get the sex issue. If he tries to have sex after not showering for so long, you need to explain to him that him being unclean down there can give you really bad infections so until he showers, for your health, you’ll need to abstain. I had to do this with my husband because I was getting back to back infections. I didn’t want to deny him and have him feel like I wasn’t attracted to him anymore but eventually I had to take my health into consideration.
Invite him in the shower with you. Scrub him up.
Depression. No he doesn’t have to “seem” depressed either
I would not sleep in the same bed as him.
Definitely ask if he’s depressed and just approach with love not hostility. Remember, it’s not about you. There’s something going on and he’s having a hard time. So try not to victimize yourself while discussing what’s going on with him.
Sounds like my kid invite him to join you in the shower. I too sometimes am tired after a 10 hours shift and have to come home and take care of the household. But showering only once a week… Yikes.
Invite him to shower with you. Ask him if hes exhausted. Talk to him. Youd be amazed at the difference it makes.
Shower with him! I’m sure he’d want to shower all the time then!
He sounds like maybe he is depressed
Depression takes all forms.
Get him some help!
If it is depression, maybe a gentle nudge like “you look like you’ve had a long day, why don’t you go take a nice hot shower and relax” just showing you care might help pull him back.
Maybe try and get him to shower with you get him clean than dirty and clean again
Some of you are just straight up assholes
Offer up a bath, just saying sometimes when men are feeling down having a nice relaxing bath and feeling pampered might help him more than a shower!!
Maybe he is drained! He does work long hours.
He needs to reconnect with you (and himself) physically and emotionally.
Sounds depressed. But he will never be getting into my bed without showering. Sorry nope. Or sit on the couch. Sooo dirty. Get him help.
He seems depressed… Take a shower with him.
If your home when he gets home have him a bubble bath waiting with a beverage on ice and pamper him a bit. Then make it a flirty thing and tell him when he smells good that it is a turn on. I do agree with others tho too. It could be depression so check that out
He’s depressed… please go with him to the doctor to get it addressed.
run the bath for him and put in some lavender epson salt, some mood music and some candles. men need pampering too and he sounds like he’s a bit depressed or just plain 'ol exhausted. I work 10 hour days and it’s so much more exhausting than a constant 8 hour shift. it steals your entire day away and sometimes you just don’t feel like moving after sitting down.
Don’t even have sex ever until he wants to stop being a dirty idiot. You’ll get infections.
Seriously yuck whats his problem?
Wake him up on a morning with a bucket of water over his head then throw him a bar of soap
That man sounds seriously deppressed. Plz worry less about other ppls thoughts and sex. Find out the why asap
Showers once a week. Well if he smells like cat piss hes on meth…
Leslie made me laugh! Thats more than I could say…hahahaha
I was just diagnosed with depression. Not taking a shower is my biggest struggle. I used to shower twice a day. Now a week or more will go by before I realize I haven’t had one. I am a single mom and teacher working through a pandemic. I am exhausted. With My depression, my brain tells me to do things and my body physically won’t listen. It’s hard and stressful, but because I have support it’s making it easier. I hate negative comments like “it’s not that hard” or “why can’t you do it, it’s easy” make sure to be supportive and use positive words. This pandemic messed with a lot of people mental health and sometimes we don’t see until the symptoms get worse! I agree with what some people said, take a shower with him and make sure he just feels cared for and ask him to talk to you! If it wasn’t for my best friend and pattens I would be way worse off right now and wouldn’t have gotten the help I needed.
Depression or unaddressed pain/illness can both make grooming seem like too much trouble. Guys often miss understanding depression. But they also tend to ignore the onset of illness. Start with a multivitamin and D, see if he will clean up if you motivate him. There are cook books/recipe suggest for adding nutrient value to common recipes to try to bolster immune response and energy levels. Can’t help with leading a man to care for depression or illness but with diet /nutrition you can sometimes help.
Depression could be part of it . People suffering depression have no ambition to keep up with their hygiene or other things they we normally do without effort . Jump in the shower with him after work and give him a soap massage he’ll get into the routine showering every day and look foward to it
Maybe he’s depressed?
Burnt out?? Depression
Do you stop and think about maybe he’s going through something and why not talk to him and see what’s going on with him instead of listening to other people.
just had to get that out there.
Hes got depression by the sounds, take him to get some help, dont tell him your bo longer interested in him, yhats the last thing he needs and wants to hear from his wife, also communication in a relo is important
Try getting him some nice smelling men’s hygiene stuff to make it appealing. Idk. Or livin up your bathroom. Bright shower curtain. It works for my dude and my boys.