My husband and I are married for four and half years, and we dated for three years before getting married. I am from a family with money, so I never had to send money to my parents. In fact, they always helped if I needed money. My husband is from a family where he didn’t see much money growing up. He is a hardworking man and earns decent for a family of three. He has been sending money to his parents since we got married, and I am absolutely ok with that. We fixed a certain amount, and he sends that. But after we got married, I got to know that he had taken a loan for his father. He never told me that, and I was upset, but I forgave him. We paid the loan, and I thought this would end here. But I recently got to know that he has two credit cards that I wasn’t aware of. Plus, he has another loan. When questioned, he said he did it for his parents and his sister. Not only this, but I also found out that he was sending extra money to his parents and to his sister. His sister (who is married and well settled) also keeps on asking for money, and he keeps on giving her. I want to trust him again, but I fear that he will lie again. What do I do?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/my-husband-has-been-lying-to-me-about-money-advice/9848
There’s a thing called financial infidelity
That’s a bummer, sounds like they are all taking advantage of him
Hes not gonna stop… not after doing it this long. I dont think thats cool at all.
Are you guys different races? I swear some races think this is normal for a son to always help out even if he has his own family.
Umm I’d be mad lol I understand helping family out but our family pays us back. If they don’t we don’t borrow anymore. We work too hard to be handing out money for the hell of it. If we can work they can work.
Have you communicated with his parents about this?
Sounds like he may be lying about it going towards them.
Depends on the culture. There are many cultures around the world where it is expected even when boys are married. Hope it works out.
I got divorced after finding out about my husband’s massive debt. My credit was destroyed. He owed so much. It started before our marriage.
We were separated 6 months after.
Stop asking and you will stop finding out. Seems like he’s going to do what he wants. This is why I don’t get marriages.
Mind your business. If y’all aren’t struggling let him help his family.
I’m sorry but as long as it wasnt taking food out my childs mouth clothes off her back or the roof from over her head I wouldn’t care if my husband helped his mother or sister but him lying about it and keeping things from me would be a different story! Bc I am all about helping those in need especially family if you have the means to but I am also all about communication and telling the entire truth in a relationship bc iv your hiding things like that from me what else are you hiding
Financial infidelity is a thing. Tell him he either shows you all of the financials/ print outs a Credit report or you’ll separate. Don’t let him ruin you financially Bc he’s taking out loans and lying to you.
I mean I would definitely be upset if he’s hiding it from me but if we were in a position to afford the loans and sending them money and it was not hurting raising our family and providing for ours then I wouldn’t be angry for him helping but I would be angry over him not telling me. I feel wether you both work or he works and you stay home or you work and he stays home, finances should be discussed and an open book. No hiding from each other.
He was doing it when y’all got together, he will continue to do it. The end.
Honesty, he needs to realize if he puts all of his money into his family his “family” could suffer aka you and the kids. Money is a tricky subject but if you don’t want it to affect your marriage, whatever he takes out for his family credit cards loans ETC make sure you are not paying for those. That is HIS decision I would explain this to him and just try to get on the same page. Good luck
His multiple loans will eventually bleed into their life together. He defaults due to illness or job loss and it affects her and the kids lives.
You sure it’s for his parents and not his second family/life ? I mean if he’s lying to you about all this what else is he hiding? 
First I would suggest seeking counseling, because you both need to communicate what is going on. Secondly, It sounds as if he’s ashamed that he comes from no money and has to help his family. Also set boundaries, with what he can and can’t do without discussing it first, like my fiance can spend up to $150 without me needing to know but if it’s more he need to talk it over with me.
He is storing money for himself. He will probably ask for a divorce soon. No way he’s sending his sister money who is comfortable. None of this should be a secret. Good luck 
He’s spending it at club
Nothing wrong if he’s helping his family, if he has financial capacity to, not from loans or debt. This will affect you and the kids in the long run, not only financially but the trust and the respect.
He will do it again . Fin out why he’s hiding it. Shame?
I would certainly have a discussion with him about it and at the very least discuss it with you as a couple civilly and find out also why he felt the need to hide it
I would ask his family if the amounts missing are actually being sent to them. This quite possibly is a side woman,a gambling addition or a plan to leave and hide this money from you. It has happened plenty of times. Make sure where this money is going
Keep your money separate
Telling you married to my ex without telling me 
If he’s taking loans out and you’re married that also means you’re responsible for them. I’d be mad.
Like other people have suggested, he may be using the money for something other than family support…gambling, other women, etc so I’d ask his sister if she receives money from him. Also, unless you have a lot of money, anything he gives away will have an effect on your nuclear family especially loans, so he should be discussing finances with you.
Separate your money and split the bills. Then he can do what he wants.
Is he Latino?
From experience, a lot of Latino families expect the son to continue to support them even if they’re married . And I do mean support, not help out every now and then or when it’s really needed
Their already used to the fact that your husband sends money therefore their adapt to it, even your husband is prone to it. If I were you I’d cancel the credit cards and go back to square one.
As long as they are in his name you are not responsible! I’d definitely make sure your name isn’t on any of the paper work for the loan and credit cards. And not help him with none of it let him send what he sends and stop helping period! He can create that debt on his own! You start your own savings account in your own name tell him what he sends them he can also give you as well!
I am surprised that he took out 2 loans without you signing for them. He does sound like a great guy. He is helping his family out. But you guys are now a family & you need to come first. As much as he is helping, i think they are now using him. And that is wrong. Both of you need therapy to figure this out & find out why he continues to do this.
So kinda like he’s FORCING your participation because he knows your from money and that you’ll pay it back/off.
That not okay.
Having to take out loans to support family members is ridiculous. Obviously they don’t have the extra if he’s taking out loans and she said her parents have helped them. I can see helping the in-laws once in awhile for basic needs but not taking a whole loan out and definitely not sending money to the married sister. I know I work to hard to just give out money to everyone else.
Throw him and his family away! U go back home and be happy with ur parents. U married him, not the family 
That he Mum and Dad your FamilyLuck
Get a divorce, get what is rightfully yours & walk away. You will have more.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/my-husband-has-been-lying-to-me-about-money-advice/9848
Sounds like they are taking advantage of his love for them
He needs to learn to say no. He also needs to discuss all finances with you. Y’all are a team and nothing less.
You both need to sit down and talk about what he is actually doing for his family and why? It’s great he wants to help his family, but there needs to be a limit, especially with the sister. You should always know what he is doing with money, and so should he with you. You are business partners, in a sense, even if you don’t make an income. Ask him what his goal is, or his sister will use him as a bank. Best of luck to you.
i wouldn’t be mad at him… as i’ve been there…helping out my family even though it put us (me & ex-husband) into some debt (he also grew up with money whereas i didn’t—- and this isn’t why we are divorced or anything close to it— just 2 different ppl who aren’t compatible but still great friends) sometimes, i would lie about a few of the times i’d give family money. it could be a sense of guilt AND they are probably pushing him and he feels bad (happened to me as well…) maybe i’m biased because i wouldn’t be mad at me… but yeah he needs to learn to say no. that was my biggest lesson. 
his heart is probably in the right place though… best advice? don’t be too harsh. he’s probably being asked and he feels bad saying no especially if he’s in a better place financially. i always say that if i won a big # of $$ i’d first make sure my family (who all grew up poor) were taken care of.
If you come from money and have no hurt for money why cany he aid his family. My husband and I come from similar backgrounds except he comes from money and I grew up poor. My parents need help sometimes, so do my siblings and I help because we are not hurting. If my husband ever told me he was against this I’d divorce him. Family takes care of family. U helped my family financially before I married and will help when I can.
Do you really need to ask??? Lol
Maybe since you come from different upbringings, it is hard for you to understand. Yes, he should be honest with you. Is there a reason he isn’t comfortable telling you? Regardless, it sounds like his heart was in the right place. You two need to have a serious talk and get on the same page.
He needs to learn to say no to all the extra money going to them. You need to sit down and have a direct conversation about money.
Lying should be a no nonsense clause period.
It’s up to you but if it were me I’d give him an ultimatum either stop sending money or we’re done
Truthfully, I help my family quite a bit. However, I always keep my husband in the loop and discuss anything that’s a large amount for us. While ultimately he leaves the final decision in my hands, I would not keep him in the dark about it. To me, lying even if only by omission, is a type of infidelity.
She said she was fine with him sending money…if he’s taking out loans for them then he doesn’t have enough money to support his family and theirs. People can do what they want with their money, but that is her money too and she deserves a say.
It wouldn’t be the money, but the secretive aspect of the situation. If you guys aren’t struggling, and able to help family, ok. But, hiding it or even omitting it from your spouse is not ok.
You two are a team. Period. All major financials should be completely open between the two of you.
There’s a thin line between helping and being taken advantage off. While helping family is great if you can, him hiding it from you is not. He should be discussing this with you, even if you’re doing well financially.
My husband is very honest about what’s in the bank… Sometimes he will lie too me saying we don’t have enough money but then suprise me and our kids with gifts… he should be open with you about the loans he’s taking so you both are on the same page and know exactly what needs to go out every month. Deff try talking to him about it and just tell him you’d like to know so you can add it too the stuff that needs to be paid and you only want to work together and not hide anything.
you better open your own bank account and keep your money separate.
His priorities are not right. I had same problem with my ex wife. Sending money to kids. I divorced her over it.
Keep separate bank accounts for sure. Make sure your name isn’t tied to any of his debt or loans. Make sure he’s contributing an equal amount to living and your family. Then maybe write up a pre-nuptial type agreement with a lawyer that any debt he takes on from this point you are no longer responsible for any of it. Right now if you split you split the debt as well as any equity, so if he keeps wracking up loans and credit cards to support his family and suddenly can’t pay it because you are married you will be responsible to pay that debt off. I’d definitely get some legal advice.
Its 1 thing every now and then if u have the money 2 do so but if it’s a constant problem I’d mention 2 him that he needs 2 learn 2 say no. In this day and age u can’t afford 1 household let alone 3. Just because u come from different backgrounds shouldn’t mean anything. If u haven’t given him a reason 2 hide it then why is he? There in lies the conversation u need 2 have. If u can’t trust him lying 2 u about money then eventually there will be no relationship.
Sounds like he’s being taken advantage of and does not know how to tell his family no. That’s hard one to be in the middle of. I honestly think counseling would be a major help in this, especially for him and helping him understand/see what he’s doing.
Have a sit down with him and have a talk. Communicate with each other to understand. Trust, love, communication, if you can’t do that in a marriage then why go on being married?
I’m sorry but if you dont know the struggle then seriously stfu. It’s not like hes taking food out of your kids mouth 
I would sit down with him about this. #1 honesty no mattter the outcome is important. #2 i feel like he is doing this behind your back which means he don’t care how you feel about it or didn’t have enough consideration to take you thoughts into matter so where is the respect on that?!. #3 I would do as said above get your own account and make sure you are set and your little family is. I get it there are some people…the one I personally know are from a different country…that send money back home to help care for their family. But just because your family has money doesn’t mean you should have to turn to them because your husband isn’t putting your immediate family first. I would tell him you want to know where the money is going and sit down we with him and check it out. Maybe tell him your family will loan no more money out until you all get your finances in check. I would be mad that he didn’t tell you.
Hes clearly in over his head. And clearly doesnt have enough to be supporting them. First is his family he created. Then his parents. And he should help his parents but not until the point where he cant even help himself. And as far as the sister goes she needs to be cut off. She is married and that is completly unecessary
Family helps take care of family. Yes the lying is bad and he should had just been up front and told you. My husband and I are very open about money and where it goes but I also have no problem with him helping his parents between paydays and such. Tell him he needs to communicate better so you dont get mad. And also if his sister is well off, her husband should be taking care of her. But his parents are a different story.
Leave and cleave. When he got married and especially decided to bring a child into his marriage, he created a new nuclear family. If you agreed on an amount for his parents each month, that’s one thing. But to be sneaking more money out to his sister and especially to be taking out marriage debt that you WILL be responsible for whether those loans and credit cards are attached to your name or not- is NOT okay. I’d say counseling is in order. First and foremost, he needs counseling. Then, you need a marriage counselor because his communication and lying SUCKS. Then, you need a financial advisor to explain to him how debt affects you as his next of kin. If he says no to any of those, divorce. He WILL continue to rack up debt with no care as to how it affects you. You and your child should be number one priorities- if they aren’t and he isn’t willing to fix that- good bye!
Hiw did he get a loan without you? Don’t you have to apply jointly when married?
Sounds like he is being taken advantage of specially by his sister. I had to put a stop to this with family and friends of both my husband and mine. My husband can no longer work so his favorite saying to ppl when they ask to borrow is " let me ask my wife and I will get back to you." He knows I will say no and have no second thoughts about it.
Open your own bank account. Still help pay mortgage, bills or however, you contribute for the family, but that’s it. If he is not taking advantage of you, stealing from you, he shouldn’t get upset. That’s what I would do.
Do you love your husband then sit down and talk to him without being upset. Say I think it is nice that you want to help your folks out and your sister but your sister is doing just fine without our help and your folks will be okay if we stop supporting them. We can take them out for holidays and pay for them and there birthdays but we cannot keep taking from our owm family to support your parents.
So, you have children together? Does he not realise that the money he sends to his “family” is taking away from his own children?? Your retirement together, college funds, future wedding funds for his children, a car when they are 16, family vacations every year, ect? Idk what kind of life you are living but if he has enuf credit and extra money to send and take out for THREE other ADULT people, then you must be loaded… insane. Trust? Lady, that ship has sailed. He’s a liar and capable of keeping things from you until you find out, not a good partner and not a good father and not a good person would ever do this to someone they loved. Sorry, there is no good way to pit this. But, surely you aren’t this ignorant to this?!?
Only do your share without him knowing your income let him pay off the debits without your help. Any extras that you earn is completely yours and use it for yourself put it in a separate account. He will never stop giving his family but if he goes broke because of that then you can survive on your own savings.
Are you guys living comfortably? Is the first question I would ask. Then go from there. Then ask is debt going up or down. Going up put a stop to it. Going down. Shrug… ever situation is different.
You leave it to Jesus Christ
If he is using his own money on his family then it should not bother you. His family have some right on him too. The parents who raised him spend money on him if he doing back the same thing for him it’s nothing wrong in it. And probably he is hiding from you cause he thinks that you will not let him support his family and will object about it. Best solution is have conversation with your husband about it
Sounds like you are being used as a bank I would get rid to be honest and I hope you had a pre nup
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/my-husband-has-been-lying-to-me-about-money-advice/9848
I would talk to his parents and see for sure if he really is sending that much money to them. Maybe he is stashing money or gambling. That is a lot of money he is taking away from your family. Your basically supporting him and his is supposedly supporting his family. That needs to end!
Separate bank accounts should start. Since he seems to be focused on his parents and sister he should be using his own earned money, I know it may hurt to watch him struggle and stress when he no longer has access to your money but you have to stick it out; he’ll never learn. You should meet this family of his and let it slip in conversation; just to see if they’ll come out and be honest.
When your married it’s both your money. And you have a right to know where every dime goes. That being said the lying is the part I would be most upset with. If you don’t have trust you have nothing. As for his parents, many families do that. Send money back home. BUT it needs to be discussed and agreed on by you both. Helping is one thing but why the loans? Is there a better way to help them get on their feet once and for all? So it’s not on going? Everyone needs help sometimes but usually it’s not on a long term basis. You also can’t help so much that it affects your own finances. I would discuss all this with your husband and try to come up with a plan and compromise. Same for his sister. It’s ok to help sometimes, but not on a ongoing basis. Some people will always have their hand out if it’s available. A never ending cycle.
Where is your husband fro and where do the parents and sister live? If it is not the USA you need to take that into consideration if it is here then I believe the sister can find her own way by not the parents
Talk to your husband and see why he is doing it. Is he taking the money out of a shared account. (Shared account he should talk with you first before taking money out) Can you set it up that both party have to be present when a certain amount of money needs to be taken out) Is the money coming out of his own account. (If it’s his own saved money let him do what he wants to do with it). He shouldn’t be sending money to his sister. Its not his responsibility to be taken care of her when she’s married and living ok. Parents loans? What was the loan actually for. Did they really need it. Best of luck.
Take his name off of your bank acct and have him open his own. Sounds like his family is taking advantage of you. I would also let his sister’s husband know about the money thats being sent to his wife
I think he’s lying about sending to his family he is taking care of another woman
Your husband and his family are taking advantage of the fact that you come from a family with money. Find out why his parents need so much money? His sister needs to get a better job or her husband does. Your husband is trying to play the big money man when he doesn’t have any. Separate bank accounts for a start
Girl he cheatin’, throw that man away
Boundaries/ Counseling
For one he didn’t lie he just did tell you about it and for 2 maybe you should try talking to him about it
He sounds like a good man, just avoiding a conflict over the family expenses he has volunteered to carry, he has a sense of pride about that, seems to me you need to forgive him with the stipulation that he will keep you informed about additional money being spent then there will be no breach of trust if you are well cared for and your family is well cared for I don’t see a big problem.
Make sure you have an account with your name only.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/my-husband-has-been-lying-to-me-about-money-advice/9848
Like you rightly said…
YOU were born with a SILVER SPOON in your mouth WHILES he had to “tough” it out… So you may NOT understand what it’s like to be a breadwinner of a sort…
How about YOU make it EASY for him to open up to YOU about the help he’s rendering to his family RATHER than be that person he feels he MUST hide such things from???
So far as his helping them IS NOT taking anything away from you and your kid(s), can you SIT with him and talk about how you would want it to go from thence???
YES they may NOT be his “responsibility” like so many are “preaching” to you here BUT they are his family and he needs to help them IF they need him.
If anything, whatever debt he gets into WHILES helping them should be borne by him alone though…
His heart is in the right place, but his brain is not. Sit down & have a serious talk with him. Sounds like his family is taking advantage of his kindness & there needs to be a complete stop to it. His mom, dad & sister are not his responsibility to take care of them financially. He has a family to support. They need to figure out their own way.
I’d be pissed. And if it didn’t end immediately, I’d get out. His responsibilities lie within his own home. If he can’t do that, he has no business being married.
Is he paying the loan, CC bills and giving them money?
My husband did take out a loan and CC to help his mom prior to us dating to help her but she pays/payed them all off herself
It’s sounds like he is a good guy and means well but definitely have a sit down and if the sister is not someone who actual needs it I would explain/ask why if she is financially ok is she not helping with the parents and he feels he has to take it all on…
Sounds like his family might be taking advantage of him
confront him what you know and ask why he needs to send money to his since she seems well off with what her husband makes so why is he doing that,give him an altimatum about what he plans and when he plans on stopping.Talk to him ,I HOPE YOUR MArriage is strong together…to deal with this.
I definitely wouldn’t end your marriage that fast as others are saying. He obviously is a good man with a big heart. However, you should have a serious talk and tell him you get helping family every now and then when you can, but in the same token when is enough, enough? Help him open his eyes and let him know there cannot be anymore secrets and if you don’t already have access to his finances then get access asap and monitor until you feel he can be trusted again.