"I have been with my husband eight years, paid the bills on my own for 6, now he’s paid them for three months and brings it up constantly; but I am responsible for ALL chores, kids, extra expenses, animals, etc. I do all the cleaning, cooking, shopping, child-rearing, and still he throws in my face when he pays a bill. Should I just let it slide, or is it time to go?"
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
"Add up expenses for a housekeeper, childcare, chef, etc., and ask if he prefers to pay people to do that so you can work outside the home. It's expensive. He's lucky to have you put in so much effort."
"Since it's such a big deal to him, hand him Bill's for cooking, maid service, pet sitting etc. Put the going rate in your area for each."
"Letting it go is a little dramatic for a marriage for a three-month problem. Is he in the wrong? Yes. But go get counseling and some help to keep the commitment you all made going. After that then reassess."
"I would tell him that you paid all the bills for 6 years and you do everything for the kids and around the house. So stop bringing it up. You are a team but if he doesn’t want to be one then you should end things."
"Is he throwing in your face…or just saying something like " Well, all the bills are paid for this month."? He could be just feeling self congratutory if that's about what he says…and wanting you to brag on him a bit. And you could be having a bit of a guilt complex that you aren't helping with that anymore, and so be super sensitive. Ask him, or examine it a little more, putting yourself in his shoes. Something else is going on here. This isn't all of the stories."
"This isn’t a good sign for a relationship/marriage. On its own, it might not be enough to throw the towel in, but it shows a lack of respect and equality between you two. I’d suggest relationship therapy."
"What was he doing for the 6 years that you paid for everything? Maybe sit down and write him an itemized list of things you do and what you’re going to charge him for each job since he wants to be that way."
"Marriage isn’t easy. If it was, our divorce rate would be much lower. It takes a lot of energy. You need to ask yourself if it’s worth fighting for or not. Aside from this issue, is everything else ok or is this just icing on top of the cake?"
"I definitely think a conversation regarding how your feeling is a step in the right direction. If he did nothing while you worked and paid the bills for 6 years, that’s obviously not okay. If that’s the case, you have absolutely every right to be upset."
"I would start with some self-reflection. Asking yourself is this the only thing bothering me or is there more to it? I also wouldn’t rule out people's suggestions to try couples therapy. I think it could be very beneficial. Wishing you all the best with whatever you decide."
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