My husband works out of town during the week and is home on the weekends. We use to have sex every weekend. During COVID, life was a little stressful as I can imagine it was for many more than just him and me. But during this time, he wasn’t working nearly as much. At first, we were having sex all the time… like 3 or 4 times a week… then it just stopped. It went from once a month, every two months, then 3, and now we’re on 5. Now mind you, I have tried to talk to him about it. For a while, it was “IDK; I just don’t want to, IDK why” then “all my past relationships were based on sex, maybe I wanted this to be different” then “why does this always come back up, I’ve already told you the answer, it’s just not the answer you want”. But literally, those were the only answers I ever got… and to me, “IDK” is not an answer. The fact that we use to have a good sex life tells me it’s not that he “wants this to be different.” And it is not something I always bring up. When talking about it the other day, I flat out asked him if he was still sexually attracted to me. His reply was, “pretty sure.” That kinda killed me inside. I know he loves me, and I know he’s faithful. His health is great. No issues, and all tests have come back either normal or great. And yes, he can get it up no problem (figured I’d throw that in there as I was told maybe he has issues with that, and I’m inconsiderate), so that is not the problem either. We are in our late 20’s so I really don’t think it’s our ages. Have any of you ever been through this? Is this just how it’s going to be now? Does “pretty sure” mean no? My heart is broken. Anybody I’ve tried to confide in just automatically says he’s cheating or it’s gotta be his health. And I know for a fact it’s not either of those. So I’m just at a loss, and he won’t talk to me about it. The conversation is always the same. I’ve heard the same answers any time it’s been talked about. Idk what to do anymore, and being rejected constantly is really taking a toll. Any advice?
Idk an answer but I’m in the same boat I think their just tired and it takes a lot to get going and your pooped after for them per my bf lol takes to much effort after a long hot ass day
Everyone goes through a dry spell at some point … quit putting so much pressure on yourselves about it . The more you stress about it the less it’s going to happen … reconnect with each other go on dates … play games etc .
Gosh this is me and my husband but reversed lol.
I can honestly go months and months without sex and I’m perfectly fine. He’s totally not okay with that though😂
For me personally I want to have sex more often if I’m emotionally attracted to him. Have you guys grown apart in that regard? Would you consider each other friends or just room mates at this point?
Maybe he’s depressed?
Have u tried to wake him up with a blow job. 5 months is way too long I’d be assuming there’s someone else he’s getting it from but that’s me. Late 20s is way too young to not have a good sex life. Maybe try to do offer new things to try in the bedroom.
It’s not a ‘fact’ that he’s not cheating. you honestly never know. It’s trust but not a fact. It’s pretty abnormal for a guy to have a dry spell, but it does happen. Maybe he’s just not into it anymore? You need to tell him what you told us. Eventually if needs arent being met, people find it elsewhere. It’s human nature.
I’m wondering how you know for sure he’s not cheating. You never know for sure what anyone is doing unless you’re with them every second of the day. He has the perfect job to have an affair, he’s gone all week.
Sometimes it just takes a little effort to relight the spark. Go on dates again, prioritize him, cook his favorite meals and offer up a massage every once in a while.
Men love to be pampered and cared for too, and sometimes when we lack in those departments it effects the relationship in other areas. (I’m in no way saying you don’t do these things just offering some suggestions).
However when working to rekindle lost intimacy, your focus is NOT on getting laid, and IS on getting your partner to see your effort in the relationship, your benefit to their life, and your willingness to prioritize their wants, or needs above your own during stressful times.
Covid, work closures, and any other stresses in his life COULD be the sole reason things have died down. But it could also just be that the connection you once shared isn’t as strong & that requires you to put in a little extra effort or love.
Good luck hun! Hopefully things will be back on track soon
He is getting it somewhere
Sounds like depression. Reignite that spark…“date” again…and not every man is “getting it somewhere else” just because they aint screwing you
With my late husband his sex drive was very up and down and it started at 29. Idk how long it wouldve been that way bc he died at 32 but it could be hormonal and just not enough to took abnormal on a test but enough to be taking a toll on him. Its not uncommon. I know his response hurt u but tell him it did and why. Keep communication open. Stress can do crazy things to us. Hw could be tired like exhausted. Who knows. Im hoping yall get thru it soon. Hugs.
Everyone has dry spells. I was hyper sexual for so long and now i would honestly rather chew off my arm than be touched by someone(im 29). Im also a survivor of abuse so that could also be something he might be dealing with(not like, recent abuse. It could be old stuff coming up). It could legitimately be just the stress of functioning during covid. Sometimes sex isnt as high up on the “to do” list. It doesnt mean there’s anything wrong with you. And it doesnt necessarily mean anything is wrong at all. If youve talked to him about it and you arent seeing any signs of cheating, try to move on from that being an option. Shifting away from that could give you some peace of mind and maybe help give you a different approach. Like if it is a trauma based response, you can shift to a supportive mindset. I noticed a huge shift in my sex drive when it finally clicked to my husband i wasnt cheating, just traumatized and struggling.
I understand your hesitancy to speak openly about this though.
Depression? Exhaustion from traveling and being gone all week? Girl pamper that man and show him you’re grateful for him, that may change his mind!
It could be a number of things as to why he’s not in the mood. Could be stress, depression, or something medically that is going undetected. Nagging him about it it’s probably not helping the situation…
Something is up … I am 26 years old and my man is 36 years old, we make love every day and multiple times. It never gets old, but we do make it interesting while making love to each other.
Dress sexy for your man, kiss his back, be kinky, relight the spark. Make a reservation at a restaurant and Surprise him. You got this, sending you hugs
Hopefully you’ll both reconnect again soon and really hope he’s not cheating but being away all week is he going too the same place each week for work or different places each week good luck it’s not a nice feeling, feeling your not wanted I know that feeling big hugs
Sex drive definitely depends heavily on mental health, my SO and I go through phases of cant get off each other and then nothing for months, if its not too bold therapy helped me a lot when it came to this because it helped me realize I wasn’t really craving sex all the time I more just wanted connection and there are plenty of other ways to get that with your partner, I had to learn how to tell the difference in myself. Try not to think of it as being rejected (I know easier said then done) he might just be wanting to connect in a different way.
Maybe seek some marriage counseling. Something is going on and he isn’t talking to you about it.
For the love of God. Everything a man does or goes through doesn’t mean he’s cheating. There are so many reasons. Probably the same as why women go months. He’s tired depressed just not even in the mood.
I would say he is depressed and not talking about it. A lot of things can affect it. Maybe he should seek counseling, individual or maybe you both do marriage counseling?
Maybe it’s his mental health? Is he having any self confidence issues or depression?
Have you tried spicing things up? Maybe it’s become too routine and he is wanting something more exciting?
Have you tried just dressing up for him and having a go at it?
Could be stress or depression , porn addiction , cheating , ect . It’s hard telling . Maybe a therapy session to help you communicate through the issue and get to the root of the problem
Depression. Porn addiction. Stress. Many factors can play a role.
I would say something is up but I wouldn’t automatically go to he’s cheating. He could be depressed he could be stressed. I agree with some of the other comments you need to get the spark back. Try going on dates. Maybe try to get him to see a doctor.
Just because you trust him doesn’t mean he isn’t getting it from somewhere else. I trusted my husband and was always saying oh he’d never cheat. But guess what, he did. With multiples.
Are you still cuddling and kissing? Do you tell each other you love each other? Are you still in love or is it more like roommates? It’s hard when 1 of you is away all week then come back on the weekend as the dynamic is a bit off and, as you’re at home all week, it’s a bit like he’s a visitor in your house. I know as me and my husband were like this for the first 3 years we were together. Make sure you take time for yourselves, talk, cuddle on the sofa, go for walks. If everything else is OK, and its just sex that’s missing get him to the doctor. If you are drifting apart and aren’t close anymore then counselling might be your only hope x
Sometimes people in relationships can just get cold (sexually) and there are times when it seems like things have fizzed out sexually, but that is normal and those times are usually short lived. It doesn’t mean he is not attracted to you. I’ve told my husband when Im just not feeling “it” and he understands that Im still attracted to him….the kitchen is just cold:woman_shrugging:t4: but it always heats right back up and vice versa……also I can tell when he really needs and wants to have sex and I just give him that (once we get going the oven heats up like I had been in the mood the whole time) and everybody’s happy:joy:
Men want to chase, if you’re always being the first to proposition him maybe it’s a turn off for him. Try waiting for him to come to you. Once you stop asking he may think somethings up and try harder
You say the conversation is always the same… maybe you should bring it up differently and not ask the same questions… go deeper because something definitely isn’t right. If you keep going about it the same way you will always have the same outcome
He could be porn addicted
We are 33 and 34 and have no issues. We don’t always do it because we have busy lives and we get each other but we never deny each other.
Is he still enjoying other things he always did for fun… maybe do a special night get all sexy give a nice massage my husband is super sexual and I go threw times I’m not feeling it and sometimes and nice relaxing massage does it for me.
ppl can be to much in their heads Sometimes especially know a days just showing him he deserves the extra mile can help.
5 months is a long time for a man to not get any.
I think he’s fallen out of love with you. Y
This may sound harsh, but you need to let him go for a while, maybe separate. Last year did a number on most of us. He’s mental health could be at stake. What about you? Did anything happen during the period you were together in lockdown? Anything could be responsible for the noninterest. Please, do something that may reconcile your relationship.
Something is wrong somewhere and it’s may not be cheating.
Why do you have to ask this question? MID 20’s, FIVE MONTHS WITHOUT SEX, HE CONVENIENTLY WORKS OUT OF TOWN FOR THE WEEK, “KINDA” ATTRACTED TO YOU…sis, sis, sis. Why??? You already know why. It’s hiding in plain sight. Men are not slick. It isn’t drugs, not “man-junk” issues…you need to find out where he claims to be out of town at. Check his phone, check his charges. Show up unannounced. You’ll have all your answers then.
Pretty sure it’s just normal. You’ve been together for awhile. Yall are just in a sex rut. Make it different, new and exciting. He could be stressed about who knows what he might not even know what. Try not to take it personally yet.
Men have dry spells. Sometimes there really into it, sometimes they’re just so tired or overwhelmed, it’s not a big part of there life. My husband’s like that. Sex isn’t a big deal to him, it is to me. We make time for it. Sex is a BIG part of any relationship and IDC if people disagree with that, or not. It is. It makes yous feel wanted, desired, needed and just connects you to your partner. Tell him that your serious and that it’s a big deal to you. If he doesn’t want to listen and take your feelings into consideration, move on.
It is one of those two things.
I hate to say it girl but… if he’s out of town every week how do you really know? I’d just hate to be blindsided. Maybe ask that straight up, “Are you wanting to see other people?” That’s just me, maybe. I’d ask.
When my ex husband stopped asking me for sex he was cheating
Fix it Now cause it will get worse
Could he be watching too much porn so isn’t as interested in actual sex
I’m just say… if you knew anything “for a fact” you wouldn’t be questioning it…
This is not what a woman deserves in a relationship. He is refusing to connect with you, physically AND emotionally (by shutting it down when you try to talk about it). Find yourself a man who can hardly resist you, trust me, there will be plenty.
I would also suggest looking at his mental health. Extra stress, anxiety, or depression can hugely effect sex drive.
His point is valid but not at your expense. There has to be compromise. I recently saw an interesting TikTok from a therapist that says that even if you hate your ex you may have fond memories of your sex life with them and that is because of trauma bonding esp if your partner had a narcissistic personality and the only thing that made you feel close to them and worthy was intimacy, and that it can be natural to be less sexually active in a happy relationship with nothing to prove. But 5mo is a long time. Of course I don’t advocate for being intimate out of obligation, but if it clearly bothers you and he has been unreceptive, he’s putting his needs above yours and that is selfish. Could also be depression, or cheating. Stop having the same conversation and address it differently. If he keeps brushing you off, he’s not for you, hate to say.
Statistically the odds are remote that he has depression, libido freefall, or any of the other clinical suggestions people are putting forth here, it is far more likely his cookies are beimg spent during the week, you need to ask yourself which hurts less? no intimacy or finding out where his is now going
If he’s going out all the time I would assume he’s cheating. Although I have been depressed for about a year now and my sexual drive is pretty much gone at this point due to the low feeling, mind you I’ve had two children lol, so maybe if you notice that he is also not interested in other things maybe there is something going on. As I have used the I don’t know I just don’t want to before because I really in fact did not have any desire to.
Gay? Or questioning his sexually possibly. Has he started taking any new medications or stopped taking any old ones?
Maybe he is still stressed. We have this idea that men are big horn dog always waiting it and that just simply isn’t true. Find out what his love language is and go from there. Maybe he is craving intimacy beyond sex. Sex isn’t the only form of intimacy. He has given you an answer but it sounds like you aren’t hearing him. Try listening.
Im gonna be honest hes sleeping with someone else most likely
He’s getting it. You’re not. He’s good.
In my honest opinion, if you feel with all your heart he is faithful, maybe depression. The reason I say depression is I’ve went through something similar with my s/o it started out as he was really tired easily and he didn’t want to go to car shows or motorcycle cruises or anything like that. I just brushed it off okay he’s tired we’re busy with 3 kids (youngest is 1 oldest is 8). Okay so fast forward the sleeping started getting worse, then not wanting to talk, ignoring his friends etc to the point all he would do was work eat sleep. Obviously I knew something was wrong. Eventually I got him to start talking to me and I approached it differently then previous conversations and found out he was extremely overwhelmed and stressed out about everything. Maybe try to have a date night (I know its hard with kids ) but try to plan something even if its simple just for the both of you even if it’s a hour set aside after the kids go to sleep.
I’m going to be the one with a complete opposite outlook here I go through stages where sex seems more like a chore than anything else like its another task put on my list thats impossible to complete. We have went months without anything my partner was frustrated as well as I didn’t give answers besides idk or im not in the mood. I am working on it but it takes a lot for me to work up to wanting to do it.
You sure he’s faithful?
My advice is, a relationship isn’t based just on sex. Have some patience with him. Nothing turns a partner off more than their partner nagging them about sex. Just let it go and be there when he is ready…Simple. I honestly think you are overthinking it.
I’m with the few others. His physical health may pass with flying colors, but it could be his mental health. Whether it’s stress, anxiety or a mild form of depression. For myself I used to think a depressed person was someone that can’t even get out of bed or function, but depression can manifest in many different forms. I think you’re taking this very personal in the sense his problem is with you specifically, when the problem may be something internally. It’s easier to jump to the conclusion that it is oneself because we selfishly (and it’s easier, especially when the communication is being shut down) to put the blame on ourselves or make assumptions because the lack of communication and explanation.
Has he been put on any new depression meds? They kill my libido
Get a hobby, Jesus ladies… You all get on a man’s ass about not wanting sex, yet most of you pull the same shit and it’s okay…
Maybe connect different ways, without sex, it ain’t that important
U don’t know if he’s faithful
Honestly…it sounds like he is cheating. Im sorry. Maybe depression…but doesnt sound like he is depressed. Maybe stop trying to have sex with him for awhile. Play hard to get and get yourself some toys to use to satisfy yourself. If he doesnt come around with you acting like dont care,then he is DEFINITELY getting it from someone else somewhere else when gone.
Maybe he is going through something spiritual
He could be depressed and you pressuring him for sex could be making it worse. Maybe suggest he speak with a counselor and don’t word it because he just doesn’t want to sleep with you. Say you’re worried about his mental health and you’d like him to talk to someone. Maybe you should talk to one too
Honestly, I went thru a “dry spell” around that age where I just didn’t care about the physical part of the relationship as much. I was more interested in emotional connection. My ex( I was with him then) went thru the same thing at around the same age. There was no unfaithfulness from either side. Just a phase we went thru. Could be that. Could be more. Could be nothing.
Is he on any new meds, sometimes a drug will do this…
Build confidence in yourself. You can do it. All else will follow
Get yourself a bottle of wine have a few drinks and when they kick in, reach in your bedroom night stand get your toys out, lay them on on the bed between the two of you lean over and tell him its your pleasure his choice but it’s going down with or without his ass.
It’s not uncommon for a man to start losing his sex drive in his late 20s. The “Pretty sure” comment is concerning though. Start some self love and find happiness inside YOU!!
Check in with his mental health… If you’re adamant that he’s not cheating, he may need you to be there for him in a different way right now.
Learn to masturbate !!
Girl you’re disgusting. First, while his physical health may be fine perhaps he is struggling with mental health. Second, maybe he’s asexual but was having sex for your benefit. And third HE IS ALLOWED TO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX. IF the roles were reversed and it was a man complaining his partner did not want to have sex, he’d be jumped on immediately. You can easily satisfy yourself, he doesn’t owe you anything. You’ve clearly had this conversation with him before and he is giving you the same answer. If you can’t handle that he doesn’t want sex, then move on. It’s simple.
Men are entitled to say no to sex too. But if you’re really concerned, bring up marriage counseling.
He is probably depressed from this covid bs. Also when men put on weight it lowers their sex drive. If he isn’t working or isn’t working enough qnd putting on weight that could be it.
By past experience either severally addicted to porn or cheating.
Sounds like he’s being faithful. To someone else!
Depression or cheating
Make sure emotional needs are being met
If you believe whole heartily that he isnt cheating then you need to remind him you two are in this together and if he doesnt want all these crazy thoughts going through your head he needs to open up and talk to you about what is really going on with him.
My first thoughts are either depression/anxiety or he’s cheating. My husband and I both deal with depression/anxiety and we both just have periods of time where we can go months without sex.
Obsessing with porn?
He is cheating. Works out of town all week and then all of a sudden he hasn’t touched you in 5 months? I’m sorry but even the answers he gave you sound like a quote out of the cheater times. My husband is depressed and he still had sex with me. 5 months is a long time to ignore your wife. How would you know if he’s cheating when he’s only home 2 days a week? You can’t know that. When he says pretty sure that also sounds like something a cheater would say. A cheater that’s not sure if he wants to leave you yet.
Sounds like your making every excuse for it not to be cheating. It happens to the most faithful of men.
The fact he won’t talk to you about it distresses me. Big red flag. And sadly his interests may lie elsewhere. My ex-husband shut me down as his ‘outside interest’ grew. They are married now.
He could have low testosterone
Tell him you want to have sex. Say idk about you but I haven’t had sex in 5 months. I’m not ok with that. What you’re telling me is you don’t want to have sex with me anymore, ever because your past relationships were all about sex. You can want this to be about more than sex but a deeper connection doesn’t mean NO SEX. I want a deeper connection too but I also want to have sex. We used to have both why are you acting like this now for no reason out of nowhere. I’m not ok with going 5 months without sex so I don’t know how you are. Ask him, you’re pretty sure your attracted to me but what’s pretty sure mean. Are you or not? Are you seeing someone else or do you want to see someone else? Ask him. Then ask him if he plans on having a sexual relationship with you ever again or not. Ask him if he wants you to see other ppl. I’m sorry he is definitely cheating. You know that. That’s why you’re saying over and over that he’s “definitely not cheating” and looking for things to blame his complete disregard for your sexual relationship on. You’ve said it’s not anything you would think it could be then that leaves another woman or women. I mean he’s away more than he’s home. Do you really believe he has gone 5 months without so much as wanting sex? Telling you he just doesn’t care about sex even though your basically begging him to have sex with you is ridiculous. And you deserve better
If he’s depressed or stressed that can cause issues. Learn to strum your ladyharp we don’t need a man to handle all our needs…. Keep talking don’t take it to heart and go from there- good luck
Cheating is my only answer.
It could be a new medication, low testosterone or depression. We as women usually go through this more than men around being stressed and no sex drive however this happens to men too. If his work has dried up or he is stresses about money, he is less likely to want to have sex. This is not something that can be fixed overnight but if you are positive he is not being unfaithful, you can work through it! It’s not easy and be prepared to not have sex. Just make sure to keep intimacy up in other ways. Learn his love language.
Sounds like its someone else 💁
Cheating or depressed. Unless he’s working long hours then maybe just tired. But that doesn’t seem right for that long of a dry spell.
Definitely sounds like there is someone else.
My ex done this and he was cheating while out of town don’t want to alarm you but massive red flag
Cheating because sex is very much apart of a relationship if that stops its because he’s going somewhere else
Or. He doesn’t want to have sex. People are allowed to have periods in their life where they just aren’t interested in sex.
There are many factors that can cause low libido. Medication, depression, stress etc
I know you think he’s faithful, but in my experience, they are fantastic liars. I’m just saying…
So… A different perspective here… If you feel certain that he is not cheating and this is not a health issue, could it possibly be a porn addiction?
I had to do a few projects on different behavioral changes for a psych class and porn addiction kind of lead me down a spiral bc I thought it was pretty interesting… And with him being out of town a lot and the gradual decline in interest in physical activity are 2 red flags in PA… Especially considering his age (its a fairly common issue among younger men now bc of the ease of access to material)
I hope you do get some answers tho. That is a tough one.
This feels like he might be going through some depression. The pandemic was rough on everyone and it may have affected him more than you realize.
He probably has a side chic