My husband has been rejecting me: Advice?

Sounds like he’s getting his needs elsewhere🤷

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I wish I can say he is not.cheating but it cound be. No man is not going to go not having sex that long and especially if he sharing the same bed every night without getting some. I am just saying. Maybe try counseling and you go from there. Or it could.be depression and other things but I would get some help.

Depression or Sorry Cheating

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Honey, he’s cheating. Sorry.

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At the risk of sounding mean, maybe stop making it about you and you just give him some time. There is this socially perpetuated myth that men are just animalistic creatures who always want to have sex and it’s just not true. Men often find their libido linked to their mental health, or even just their emotional state. Covid has been stressful, I’m sure working less has also been stressful, uncertainty about his work and uncertainty about how the world is going right now, fatigue, anxiety, stress are all libido killers. Sometimes people work through it with a little time, and support from their partner, and others need medication and therapy.

Other issues could be that he’s having concerns about your relationship. Or he’s has been or is being unfaithful.

So I personally would give it a month or so, still be caring, affectionate, attentive - but stop trying to force sex, if he doesn’t want to have sex that’s his choice. If nothing changes I’d say okay we need to talk, and if you can’t actively participate in the conversation I’m going to have to take myself out of this situation. Do not go in with personal attacks.

Also maybe self assess as to whether you rely to heavily on sex for validation in your relationship. Is he still emotionally invested in you? Is he still doing the boyfriend things that make your relationship work outside of sex? If he is - possibly he’s just dealing with some stuff. If he’s not, or never did there’s obviously some issues there and possibly you used sex to mask those issues.

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I would say try asking, without sex being in the equation, if he feels he’s well in his mind. Is he too stressed or feeling down. Could be the answer xx

Could be a number of things, any manage family problems, money problems, could be depressed or stressed could be deeper. I would maybe stop asking and just pay closer attention to his actions

Definitely stop making this about you. I had the same thing happen with my partner except it was me who was over sex. I was very depressed and had terrible self esteem, it was absolutely nothing to do with my partner but talking about it made me super uncomfortable.
Maybe just check on his well-being, make sure he is okay, let him know he has a safe place to talk about how he is feeling and eventually the sex will come back.

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Why does there have to be a reason. Men are allowed to say no!respect that and stop harping at him for an answer that will suit you.
People’s sex drives change, maybe he is going through a low drive at the minute and really just isn’t in the mood :woman_shrugging:t3:

I’m sorry but he is clearly getting sex from someone else.

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could it be mental health? depression or anxiety perhaps?

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I know mental health definitely has an impact in peoples sex lives… his excuses do seem weird but if hes still the same as usual just with no sex then I wouldn’t stress an just ride it out but if hes become distant aswell an not being his usual self then I’d be questioning if he was getting it else where but wouldn’t go to that straight away… my partner an I have sex nearly everyday… 9yrs in an pregnant with #3 the only time he doesnt want sex is when im past the 4 month mark… it makes him uncomfortable which is what it is but a couple months after giving birth we go back to normal :woman_shrugging: I think you should just have a chat with him about normal everyday stuff an dont even bring sex up…

Maybe he’s depressed? Have a talk with him. If he can’t express himself verbally, have him write it out. My husband was the same way for a little while and I learned he was depressed so I worked on getting him out of it.

Good luck :sparkling_heart::sparkling_heart:

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For sure seeing someone else. You can think you’re 100% dead sure someone isn’t cheating but most likely that’s what it is. Mid 20’s healthy male who works out of town for the whole week… doesn’t even have to hide it if he’s not home. Time to start checking phone records, email, phone locations.

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Could very well be his mental status, but also he could most definitely be speaking with someone else since he is gone during the week. Never rule out things when you can not be 100 percent sure. Good luck

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I just came here to say that this happened to me with my ex husband. I was also sure that he wasn’t cheating. But stupid me, he was straight up having an affair with this woman when he was working out of town. I felt so dumb when I found out, because everyone told me he was, I just refused to believe it. Not him I said. He would never do that to me. But he did. And it hurt like hell.

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As I aged, at the most stressful times in my life, I found myself really uninterested in sex. Also during my more depressed times. I would like to say that it may not have anything to do with you. He can still love you and feel attracted to you without the need for sex. It could be fallout from the stressful year last year. It can be any number of things that really do not apply to you. I’m not trying to be mean or nasty I promise. Maybe try incorporating some things to increase intimacy. Not sex ,but work on strengthening your relationship. Idk what you guys are into, but tailor it to you both. If you Google intimacy excercises it may help give you some ideas. Good luck

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Honestly, this had happened to me as well but the opposite. I am super faithful to my fiance and we used to have sex all the time. During covid, being close all the time and just dealing with my own depression/anxiety, I have just not been in the mood for sex. My fiance has made me go see a dr, and the Dr thinks nothing is wrong. I have also been going to therapy and being honest with myself, I kind of pretended to have a high sex drive for my fiance since he has a very very high drive. At this point I’m just emotionally and physically exhausted and just need a break. He still doesn’t quite understand it… and it has caused a strain in our relationship

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My first thought would have been depression, especially with covid going around and maybe not working as much. Have you tried talking to him about other things aside from why yall aren’t having sex? Do you tend to his emotional needs as well? Sometimes when there’s a healthy physical connection, you can lose sight of the emotional/mental connection and communication to keep that physical connection strong. If he’s saying he doesn’t just want the relationship to be sexual, it leads me to believe he is lacking some emotional intimacy or some necessary communication. Sit and talk with him about how he is feeling, what he needs from you to help him feel better, etc… but don’t go into the conversation trying to figure out what will lead to a sexual relationship again - go in with the mindset of reconnecting and finding common ground and being someone he can talk to if something is bothering him. People have different love languages and maybe he feels his aren’t being met currently, or maybe with the job situation he feels that he is no longer providing as he used to and his ego/pride is damaged.

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My SO and I have been together for nearly 8 years and we go threw phases where do are very sexually active and then at times we are not at all for long periods of time. I always worry that he isn’t attracted to me anymore or that he is talking to someone else but usually it’s just stress related.

Honestly I get like that sometimes. Stress, depression and anxiety can become overwhelming and it can be difficult to get the energy or urge to have sex.

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Was he the main bread winner and now he isn’t? If so, that could be weighing on his mind that he isn’t in the “provider” role anymore if you are making more than he is. My mind jumped to he’s gone a lot, his attention is somewhere, just not on you type thoughts, but you said you are pretty sure he isn’t, so I thought of perhaps that instead.

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Maybe not physically but emotionally cheating? Maybe he’s talking to someone else?

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Maybe he’s not happy with his current job/routine. Try shaking things up by arranging a date night. Maybe meet/or surprise him out of town for a date after he gets off work. Might be fun for his wife to visit him at the hotel he stays at. Or travel with him? Video chat before bed each night, maintain your connection.

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I’ve only seen one other person mention this, but viewing porn could very well be the problem. He honestly might not feel like having sex if he’s frequently looking at it.

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So maybe he is feeling uncomfortable in his own body? I know for me and my husband there are times when I just feel uncomfortable with myself and it makes me not want to have sex for some reason. Also depression definitely puts a damper on the mood and most men will not ever tell you or anyone that they are feeling depressed, they try to act as normal as possible on the outside whole inside fighting with their mind.
I’ve been with my husband since I was 15 so it’s been a long long time he’s never not been interested in sex he’d do it everyday it’s me that has the issues. Does he still want to do date nights and things like that with you? Or does he just disconnect completely? If he does I’d say he may be talking to someone else even if it isn’t physical it could be emotional.
Good luck!

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Covid depression. Depression and anxiety can cause your sex drive to literally crash. When you don’t have something to strive for everyday like working, and you feel as if you can’t do anything, like being in lockdown, can start to eat at people. Not everyone can handle staying at home like that, they need routines for their mental health. Him being a male, maybe he doesn’t want to talk about that. There’s a stigma behind male depression, and it causes some men to suffer in silence.

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I’m not a man, but im not cheating and have little desire for sex. Its still a possibility that he could be cheating but I would straight up ask him. “Are you cheating? Are you going through something right now and if so is there anything I can do to help?”

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With an answer little pretty sure I’m still attracted to you that alone is his way of trying to say things are over, no man who loves you answers with that, he would have been hoping you blew up about it and that his next answer could have been I’m not anymore !

Not having a sexual connection with no answer but just because is a huge reg flag again, a man who stops having sex is a man “ or women “ who is having sex with someone else in my opinion !

To me it sounds like the ships sailed and your not on it love.
Might be time to have a chat about where he sees ur future. If he is in love with you he will get into the conversation and want to make things better, if he shuts down and acts like a dick with dick answers just tell him it’s best u both take time away to work out what’s happening.
U can’t stay in a relationship like this, it’s unhealthy and life’s to god dam
Short for this shit

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Probably he is depressed. I’d suggest not bringing it up for now. Start by trying other ways to connect. Dates. Movies and cuddling. Long walks. Whatever your thing is. See if he opens up on his own. It’s probably symptom of something he is going through that you can’t really fix but you can be there for him and he will figure it out.

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I would check out a couples therapist that specializes in intimacy issues. In your 20s is early to be slowing down to the degree you are referencing. It seems there is a lack of communication if he is not talking openly about the issue at hand.

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Sudden change in sexual desire almost always indicates cheating. Whether physical or not. I’d definitely have my guard up.

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We go through phases… sometimes 3x a week sometimes 6 months… life is stressful and there’s much more to a relationship than sex. I would try explaining to him that if he doesn’t want sex, you still need intimacy… so holding hands, movie nights, dates, affectionate hellos and good byes… look into the Gottman and the love languages and go from there.

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No man goes 5 months without sex for any reason that is healthy and logical. Sorry :broken_heart: I hope you get answers.

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Covid has mentally impacted lots of people. Loss of sex drive goes with it.

If you gotta go through his phone, emails etc then it’s time to leave because you don’t trust him.

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I have a friend that was going through something similar…I talked to my husband to get a guy’s opinion. He looked me dead in the eye and said, “No man is going to go that long w/o it.” Let me add unless there’s a health issue. *Also, my husband is gone all week as well so I’d be very concerned if that started happening here. As a women I’ve had self esteem issues, depression, etc but 5 months is a long time (even w/my ex husband I didn’t go that long…)
I don’t want to come off harsh but I would def be questioning things: only fans? porn? someone else? Something just seems off. I wish you the best of luck.

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Perhaps counseling? For a younger couple, going 5 months with no sex is absolutely not normal.

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I would walk in your closet, put on an outfit that makes you feel the best & makes you feel confident. Then pour you and your man a drink for both of you to relax, and then just see where the night goes. It might not help to put pressure on him to make him think he needs to perform or anything, but try to spice it up and do something out of your norm and see if that grabs his attention?

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Have you tried couples counseling? Sounds like it might be a good time for that

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I would pop in on him with his favorite snacks whiles he’s out of town at during the evening or night, If he is staying in motels there is prostitutes that live in a lot of them I’ve ran into that too many times to count from motel 6s to higher end motels not saying that’s happening but throwing that out there

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My husband is really stressed and during those times he doesnt really want to. I understand that. But at one point it just died 100% i asked him about it. And i googled and i found that with guys sometimes thier drive just dies. So i tried to kick it back up again with pictures and dirty talk and anything i could think of. That worked. I would suggest it.

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Maybe he is depressed for whatever reason. Depression in men can cause a lack of interest in sex.

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COVID lock downs … ect have caused a lot of depression which can affect your sex life a lot. Is he back to his normal work schedule post Covid? He could be stressed out, depressed or dealing with a lot of emotions which again can drastically cause sex issues. The best advise I can give you is to seek counseling. I’m sure it can be very hard for men to talk about lack of sex drive regardless of the reason and that may be why he is saying IDK. Since it’s gotten to a 5 month mark & he isn’t being very vocal (possible he really doesn’t know)- speaking to a counselor could help him realize what’s going on & be very beneficial to your marriage

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I’m just here to say that it’s 100% possible that he just doesn’t WANT to have sex, and I doubt he’s cheating on you. My husband and I are in our late twenties/early 30s and it just happens and I know for sure he’s not cheating on me or getting it anywhere else.

It’s unrealistic to think that a sex drive will continue to be the same as you age, even if you guys are young so for everyone saying this is not normal they are wrong. Stressors can appear in life and not present with any other issues to make you realize something is wrong. Sometimes people just don’t want sex, and that’s okay.

My husband and I go months without sex at a time and we are still very much attracted to each other. It’s just a part of life.

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He has another phone or something. He is a man and he is cheating if he isnt getting it from you.

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It could be mental health issues on his end. He could have some self-esteem or other stuff going on mentally. Maybe there is past trauma he’s reliving that you don’t know about. He could have lost interest in you but doesn’t know how to move on without hurting you. He could be cheating. It’s hard to say. You have the right idea of talking though! Only he knows what’s going on and he will tell you in his own time. Maybe stop trying to initiate sex, stop bringing up the conversation and just see what happens. This is a hard spot to be in because it sounds like you really care. Best of luck.

There are so many things that can affect libido and stress is one of those. If he’s been super stressed he might just not have the motivation.
He might be depressed, maybe he’s having some self confidence issues, it could just be he’s burnt out of a while. If my man and I do it too often one or both of us just gets tired and need a break

Depression can cause this

If not depression and your marriage is happy and not in a dark place then I would say cheating

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“Pretty sure” kind of sounds like maybe he’s gay?

Maybe he’s mentally in a bad place like depressed. Have either of you done any looking into love languages? That would be a good place to start.

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Does he take any supplements? Sometimes even though medically are “normal” something he’s taking can decrease sex drive. Also depression like others have mentioned.

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Check in on him emotionally and make sure the emotional aspect of your relationship is healthy. I know when im emotionally unhappy im physically not interested. So maybe something to check?

I’d say depressed. Maybe he’s not happy w his work situation. I know when my guy is stressed he goes around w his head in the clouds till he figures things out.

If he is going out of town, you have no idea how to know what he is doing during that time. Usually if a man is traveling and goes from interested to not, you’ve been demoted to side piece and he is cheating

Probably depressed or life has him super super stressed. I can usually tell when my man has something bothering him or he’s more depressed if we stop having sex for more than two weeks.

Is he suffering from depression? X

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Ignore him and go on about your life… He will either become interested or he will come clean on cheating. Go out with your friends when he is home or get some hobby outside the home.

I am NOT a doctor but it does seems like his mind is racing with either anxiety or maybe depression… stress related? From personal experience i know how absolutely painful it is to be in your position but try to step out of your role and look at it as a friend would. Does he need to go do something fun with you. Not romantic, like a hike or a zoo or a helicopter ride then grab a drink and dinner. Nothing fancy could be a hotdog and a beer. Maybe walk beside him and be that friend he seems to need right now without the stress of sex momentarily because once you get him laughing and smiling and relaxed the rest will come just like it did in the beginning :heart: wish you guys the best!

He’s either depressed/stressed or cheating. Either one is a bumpy road ahead best of luck!

Don’t take it personally. Could be lots of things not related to you. If he’s up for it family therapy would be great. If he’s depressed it’ll kill his libido. Men tend to have a hard time processing their emotions or communicating them. Don’t push him though and give him space if he needs it. Biggest thing is don’t internalize the rejection and don’t jump to conclusions. That’ll put you on the defensive. Show him love in other ways that aren’t sex.

I’d look into depression. Covid quarantines really effected people in ways they may not realize …… sounds almost like a “disinterest” in sex. He may be being honest when he says “ IDK”.

It really sounds like cheating… the most seemingly faithful men can be the biggest cheaters. Idc if he works all day and spends the rest of his time with you. He will find a way to cheat if he wants to. It sounds like he’s either bored with you. Or cheating. Im sorry love. :sob: or maybe depressed. I hope it gets better for you. I feel your pain.

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Could he be depressed? My husband is really disinterested in sex when he’s depressed.

Is he under a lot of pressure or stress at work financially ?? Could be something heavy weighing on his mind xxxx

Omg I can’t believe the amount of ppl saying he’s cheating on you
You have no other reason to think he is other than sex maybe he’s no sex drive or is it deeper and he just can’t xx

Do the 5 love language test, figure his out, figure yours out, go from there.

It’s just not what you want to here but no late 20s male who is able to get it up is just not going to have sex with you for months unless they are cheating. Maybe not even physically cheating but he’s messaging or emailing with someone and emotionally cheating. Even depressed people like sex. Yes couples do go thru times where they aren’t having as much sex as usual but not like this unless he’s cheating.

How do you know it’s not his health tho? Has he gone to see a ED doctor? I doubt it. I’d rule that out first.

Then ask if he’s depressed

No one can ever no for a fact the other is not cheating unless you are following them around or you hire a private detective. Everything leads in that direction. I’d bet my next check he is.

Is he depressed? That may be an issue. Either way, even if he seems ok mentally still take him to a doctor, primary and a therapist. You need to nip this in the butt or your marriage is going to go down the toilet faster than shit.

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I don’t have much advice since I am kinda in same boat as you but we are in our late 40’s. But with my husband I think it is medication that he takes causing a low sex drive. Yes it does hurt because as women we automatically go to self worth or insecurity that we have about ourselves and our bodies. I have noticed with mine when I stopped bringing it up all the time and was kinda doing my own thing it bothered him. Marriage is hard! It’s work it’s comprising it’s being understanding loving and supportive. I would sit back and watch him to see if he seems depressed or upset about something. If he still shows you affection I don’t think you have anything to worry about. If he isn’t showing any type of affection I would find a marriage counselor. Affection can be a hug kiss holding hands checking in on you the little things. I would look more at the big picture instead of just the sex part. This is what I have been doing and just trying to focus in on the little things he does that shows me he is all in on our marriage. Give it time I think it will work itself out on its own! Will be praying for you and your marriage. God can do so much more than what we think!

Well theres porn addiction which can lead to Porn Induced Erectile dysfunction, but if that’s not a factor it could be stress or anxiety or something mental. If he’s healthy and not cheating then those would be other factors that can contribute to lack of sex.

Might be an issue going on with him and he’s embarrassed and he may not know what the reason is or too shy to Dr about it could just be low testosterone maybe tell him if that’s the problem you can buy over the counter pills or powder that will help or at least try them out and see

My ex was the same way come to find out he was watching porn all the time and masterbating so he wasn’t interested in sex

Is he stressed about money?? Not working a lot or at least less during Covid…

Oh I am sorry to say while he is away he is definitely cheating. Hire a PI. Being gone all week should make the opposite effect. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Stress can do that to men. It probably has nothing to do with you. And it’s probably embarrassing topic for him to talk about which is why he’s coming off defensive. Try changing things up to spark interest.

Hes lost interest and bored, change up your game and it will make him interested again.

That’s my advice take it or leave t it’s not up for debate just my opinion.

Could be he is not working and depressed maybe?

Did he get his hormone levels tested?

Depression? Low Testosterone?

Pornography addiction?

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Therapy. For both of you, you both need to learn to communicate better.

If it was a lady posting saying that she didn’t want sex and her man kept pressuring her to talk about it, we would all be slagging off the man

Honestly as hard as it is. Stop bringing it up. He doesn’t owe you sex, if you can’t live without it you need to leave. If you want to be with him you have to accept he said no.

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DEPRESSION 100%
Please get him some help before it leads to a bad situation.

It could be depression.

I always turn my husband down

Maybe he just tired and genuinely doesn’t feel like it :woman_shrugging:t4:

Try getting something sexy and spice things up :wink: Different things can bring the spark back!!!

People are allowed to not want sex .

I know it hurts but I think he’s doing something else on the side…

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Maybe hes depressed, hes used to working and having time to himself while outta town, hes been stuck in the house due to covid and that alone took a toll on a lot of people especially if hes not a home body. Women always wanna think its, he dont love me, hes not attracted to me, MEN GET DEPRESSED ALSO, I would talk to him about talking to someone about his mental health

This feed is literally half people with sense and half people with insecurities.

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In my.late twenties…I just didn’t want to. Don’t know why…was just exhausted all the time mentally and physically.

Cheating all got to think there might be someone else put of town

I’m sorry either he is cheating or gay :woman_shrugging:t2:

He sounds depressed. His physical health might be perfect but his mental health might be a struggle. If you weren’t in the mood would you want to be pestered about it? Maybe he needs to talk to someone or for you to be a bit understanding.

Im not even sorry to say this. Because women always do this, youre all trying so badly to find a reason like hes depressed or this and that. She asked him are you attracted to me. He said flat out “i think so” no man would say that. Hes straight up beating around the bush. Plain and simple here. If your man isnt sleeping with you, its because he doesnt want too." no councilor or pills is going to fix that. Stop wasting your time. If a man wants to he will. So fricken simple. Stop lying to your damn selves.

Im kind of on the other side of this one. Me and my man of 4 years have intercourse very rarely. It mostly comes down to my mental health and capacity. Could it be stress? A confidence thing?

I wouldn’t say automatically that he’s cheating but do you think maybe his desires are laying somewhere else or with someone else ? Cheating doesn’t always mean laying down with someone and just putting it in :woman_shrugging:
It could be an emotional attraction or something else he has for another person

Sorry but you don’t know for a fact if he’s cheating or not. Unless you’re with him 24/7 then there’s no way you can know for a fact that isn’t the case. But maybe stop nagging him about it. Maybe the guy just doesn’t want to have sex. He could be depressed. Give the guy space and see how he acts.

If you have to ask your man if hes attracted to you and he replies “i think so” honey hes not.