My husband has been rejecting me: Advice?

He could honestly be some where else mentally too and that can affect it i have a very low sex drive and im only 25 but my mental state plays a big roll in that … I’m to depressed for sex majority of the time and Really only have sex on my more mentally stable days …

Might not be his physical health. May be mental health. I’m not a man and HATE sex and I’m in my early 20s. I could literally go months even years without it. If those are ruled out. Check for only fans and porn. But I honestly don’t see the huge issue with those because he likely won’t meet them in person. If he’s not attracted to you he just needs to say it.

Maybe he’s tired of the same vagina. We’re only human and sometimes we all need a change of pace. How about inviting another girl over and give him a 3 way. Group sex is a good way to spice up any relationship.

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He’s cheating on you

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Dude getting some strange…

Is he gay maybe? It’s either that or he’s def cheating this is not normal for any man… unless he was gay and tired of hiding it or having sex with another woman.

Maybe hes worried about getting pregnant and isnt ready for that potential side effect of sex?

Depression can do this -

How old is he? Maybe it’s medical and he doesn’t get or stay hard and he thinks he is losing his manhood when I’m realistic I know I am in my prime and these men aren’t so I have my toys they play to and we cuddle more… I am playing with a 62 yr old currently at 45 and he loves to play and cuddle it’s nice

Personally this sounds like depression, cheating or addiction maybe pain killers. Cheating also comes in all shapes and forms he could be addicted to porn and masturbation. Or he could be having having an online affair or Only fans is a big thing right now he could be addicted to a woman on there. I know these answers aren’t what you were hoping for but unfortunately it doesn’t seem good :frowning:

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Have you tried opening up your line of communication? Express to him that sex is an important part of the relationship to you for you to feel close to him, and you need his help understanding what is going on with him so you can get the reassurance you need.

Honestly, if you know he’s not cheating, it sounds like depression and/or anxiety. I think my fiance is super attractive and he’s my best friend… But when my anxiety is high or I’m depressed I want absolutely nothing to do with him

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He could be having erectile dysfunction that he’s embarrassed about. He could just be getting older and losing interest in general. (Not sure of your ages) Could also be cheating.

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Usually it is the woman who feels this way but men can too. I can for one tell you that to personally at my life right now with work, 2 kids under 4, finances, house chores, life etc…am too TIRED. I could literally go without at this point and be completely fine. Is is it hormones? Maybe, but it’s definitely NOT cheating, or a loss of attraction to my husband, it just is what it is. There is so much involved with intimacy, if he doesn’t want to talk about it maybe it’s something he’s embarrassed about. I would keep the communication open and keep bringing it up casually. It isn’t fair to you to be rejected, but it also doesn’t mean he’s doing anything bad or has depression. It isn’t fair to my husband either and I try really hard, but I’m really tired…lol. There is also other things, to long a list to put here :joy::woman_facepalming:t3:

Have you tested all 3 of his testosterone levels? Could be one of those, many men struggle with low testosterone.

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It might not even be a problem with you. He might be having an inner battle or suffering from some sort of depression. Maybe you should start with asking him if he’s feeling okay emotionally instead …

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I don’t know how old your husband is but men go through a menopausal stage just as women. Middle age crisis? :thinking:

If his health is fine then I’m gonna say what others have and suggest maybe he’s depressed?
Also go on a date. Give each other massages. Cuddle. See if there’s anything on his mind he needs to talk about. And I’m not gonna name anything specific but maybe you can find out if he has some kind of fantasy. :no_mouth:

Porn addiction? Maybe. My friends hubby isnt the same after covid. He had too much time on his hands now they r very complicated. None left for her at all. Hope it all works out for u

sounds like depression and i know you say hes fine but you cant see depression from the outside…i would suggest a therapist

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I know you said you know for a fact he isnt cheating, but those are all classic signs of cheating. He could be depressed. I know when im depressed i want nothing to do with sex

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Y’all need husband and wife time just because you’re married don’t stop dating get rid of the crotch goblins for a night if you have them and have husband and wife time. Maybe try doing a surprise date for him.
B t w you’re a very good wife for trying

But how do you know for a fact he’s not cheating? Not saying he is, but you can’t possibly know this unless you’re with him 24 hours a day.

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I know you said his health is fine, but alot of doctors don’t run testosterone levels on someone that young. Has he had those checked recently?

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It sounds like you’ve asked him why, but have you told him that it’s bothering you, that you feel like it’s impacting your marriage? Maybe his hormones need to be checked as hormones affect libido. Generally though, I think I’d empathetically push the issue and make sure I’m communicating how I feel.

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I’m husband is the one who always wants it, I’m the one who doesn’t anymore. Not because I’m not attracted to him but Because after working all day and taking care of the house, two kids and school I’m just flat out exhausted. My husband doesn’t think it’s a valid excuse but it truly is. I’m falling asleep watching nighly movies with the kiddos before bed because I’m so exhausted.

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So instead of sex, are you intimate in any other ways? I suffer from anxiety and depression. I also had my tubes tied and that plays a role in my hormones. We dont always need to have sex to show intimacy. We do foot soaks and then rub each other’s feet. We do back rubs. We shower together, without sexual things. We sit together under a blanket, instead of our usual spots on the couch (separate). We hold hands in the car. We also made a rule that any time we find something heart shaped we make out. Right there on the spot! A quick little tongue in the mouth :laughing: gives a second of closeness. We own our own business and Im a SAHM of our toddler. I have 2 teens and my stepson is 5. Theres a lot of kids back and forth, his late nights of work, he works some weekends so its the small things for us. He brings home a drink for me sometimes when he stops, he will stop by just to say Hi (working for himself he can do that). But it isnt always about sex. It doesnt have to be either.

BUT my husband understands my depression and anxiety. “We talk” is literally our quote. We have been married for 2 years, together for 5. He is almost 30 and I will be 37. The best advice is to talk and listen and ask questions. He may not know whats wrong, which usually means depression/anxiety because it IS hard to explain.

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Maybe show him this and explain you are frantic and need some answers

I don’t know but I was always told if your told once you have a tail, you think about it, twice you start to look for it, 3rd time you bet you have a tail
So you say you know he’s not cheating but is he into porn or something else That is making him less inclined to do the real thing :thinking:
Yes like someone else said is he going through depression and does not talk about it?
I would look into some counseling and follow the others advice about spicing things up and try get aways and things.
Best wishes I hope things get worked out!

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My gosh explain to him that you need physical touch and If you don’t get it you feel as though he doesn’t love you enough to make love to you… but sometimes people go through though tims and don’t tell you about it :confused: so that means they have no interest in getting intimate because their head isn’t in the right space. So sorry to hear this, I hope it gets better. I’m sure most couples go through this

Encourage him to go see a counselor. Maybe even see if he would feel comfortable if you go with him.

Sometimes we just get caught in ruts…do something different…do things that you use to do when you were dating…sometimes we are to keen to label things and feel it’s an illness when all it is is same old same old…it doesn’t haf to be cheating or depression it’s just you need to blow on the embers to reignite the spark that obviously still there

Depressed or cheating. Every woman “ knows” their husband wouldn’t cheat.

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I have my guy yelled we don’t have to have sex all the time. Then it flipped a switch in me. I stopped asking for it I stopped sending pics everything after a while he started to want it again. But by then I didn’t he regrets it but I cant do anything about it when I was in the mood id just take care of it myself hes walked in a few times but I think thats what got him back to wanting it

I think he is going through something. Men arent very verbal about expressing their emotions so maybe he is feeling a bit down too. I wouldnt push him too much on the subject and let him come to you however long that takes. Until then try and do things he likes or maybe he needs some guy time?

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Maybe you need to change your sex style maybe try some toys our buy some lingera do something you guys normally wouldn’t do in the bedroom dont plan it just maybe one night grab his penis ans start rubbing it and go down on him he may get tired id being the one making the moves and wants you to take control but if even then he dont want to then he may be cheating!

People go through times where they dont have a sex drive or really high ones he probably wants to have sex with you and is attracted to you but just cant get the horny chemicals

SPICE IT UP BABE! Get a cute outfit. Do your hair and makeup. Make alone time for you two and get FREAKY. He’s probably tired of just sex and wants to fuck. I love doing this for my man once in a while so make it more intimate.

Sounds like depression. Most men doesn’t recognize they have depression. Instead of worrying about your lack of sex, start casually asking him questions about stressor he may have. 20’s are tough. Still learning to adult and handle stress and responsibilities. It’s a growing period. Ask him what you can do to help. Lingering depression from Covid is definitely a thing. Ask about his job, finances, how he is coping. Support him. Don’t make it about yourself. There is so much more to a relationship than just sex. Be patient, think and try what intimacy techniques you and he can do together gradually. Emotional health plays 90% of a good relationship. Reassure him that you’re there and support him. Offer help. It’s give and take at times, and nothing stays the same. Young folks like yourselves are constantly changing and adjust to life circumstances. I’m positive the issue isn’t cheating, porn or anything like that.IT IS NOT YOU. He’s just going thru something and try to be patient, understanding, and communicate. Put the questions about lack of sex on the back burner for now. It will come back after you and he work together on figuring out what he needs. Oh, and GET A VIBRATOR. It’s a absolute must for those dry spells.

maybe plan a weekend somewhere else together

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Leave and find you someone else who appreciates you sometimes it’s not worth it just leave

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Hate to say this but have you gained weight? if so, theres your answer…

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Could be a porn addiction :woman_shrugging: happens alot nowadays

Performance issues and to embarrass to talk about it ?

Guys hormones changes dramatically

Sounds like cheating

He could be depressed

Depression and anxiety.

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Could be the beginning of a pornography addiction, unfortunately I know this all to well ,however, my ex also had erectile dysfunction but mainly because of desensitizing himself through pornography he would use penis rings and put things in his bottom and then when he would come to the bedroom and I wasn’t doing that stuff it wasn’t as fun he could possibly have some new fetishes he’s just not ready to tell you and may never tell you unfortunately men don’t speak with their significant others before they choose to act upon their desires and a lot of men don’t see a problem in that not realizing that it takes away sexual needs from the partner it’s an unfair cycle and I say sit down and ask questions but ask the right ones such as are you bored in the bedroom do you have new fetishes that you would like to talk about , I mean I don’t know what I would say if my significant other said he was “pretty sure” he was still attracted to me, that’s not certain it’s up in the air , like when I tell my children “I’m pretty sure we can do that tomorrow, knowing in the back of my head it’s a no” it’s just a response to keep someone at Bay.

Sorry darlin he’s cheating or was…I wore rose colored glasses for 5 years making excuses for him just like you’re doing now.I was devastated when I personally rolled up on him and his latest just friends…went thru same scenario as you described!!!we were married for 15 years and I didn’t have a clue…

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Men don’t go without sex. If he’s not giving it to you then he’s either cheating or pleasuring himself. Either way he’s not giving it to you. He’s in his late 20’s. He’s not going without sex. I’m sorry you are going through this. I know it hurts. I think you need to find out the truth no matter how bad it hurts. That way you can decide what to do.

Instead of talking have you tried just getting sexy with some lingerie and maybe give him head to start… if my guys not in the mood I do my best to put him in the mood 9xs out a 10 it works. Goodluck hun.

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He sounds depressed to me. Has he been neglecting hobbies too? Personal hygiene on the back burner? Try to focus on doing other things together, take a walk around the neighborhood, watch favorite movies together, cook together, just try to take the focus off the bedroom and work on other aspects of the relationship

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We went through a phase that the same thing happened was just life changing its ways now we are back to normal and then some. Just like us they have phases where they just don’t want to. It will all work out I promise!

Where does he stay during the week? I’d pop up if I were you. I know you said he’s not cheating but as you read through all these comments, none of us saw it coming. Maybe he’s not cheating but I highly doubt it.
And you’re right, idk is not an answer. He knows there is a problem and is avoiding it. Why?

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Sounds like he is cheating

He could be depressed or stressed

I cannot speak for men, but I completely lost my libido and it is coming back ever so slowly after several months. I have no idea why, even got checked for hypothyroidism but came back good. Still hardly have a very low libido with no real answers. Quite possible it’s stress/anxiety/depression.

Honestly you need to stop making this about you! If it was a male sending this in, or anywhere else for that matter we’d be attacked and labeled toxic and abusive. It’s quite an abusive trait to have regardless of gender.

Give him time, that’s the only thing I can suggest. Just let him know that you’re there for him and continue to support him. Maybe he’s battling his own demons and needs help with that. That should be a priority over having sex.

He’s probably stressed, depressed, and needs time to figure out what his emotions are doing. Be supportive if this is the case and I’m gonna say this, if you’re wanting sex that bad, go buy a toy and take care of your needs. Hell, when im in the mood and my hubby isnt, I take care of my needs myself and that usually ends up getting him in the mood too.

My fiance was the same way after the birth of our daughter. When I got pregnant with her we were still very sexual ( been together for two years so still very new) then the summer came and I had yeast infection after yeast infection so it just wasn’t a thing for about two months. Then my daughter had to be born at 36 weeks and I almost died in front of him… I had a very hard time with postpartum depression after her birth as it was very traumatic for me. We tried and tried to connect after she was born and we were awesome at taking care of her together but our connection wasn’t the same. I never stopped to think that maybe it had affected him almost the way it did me. We argued a fair bit and we just didn’t want to be around each other much in a sexual or physical way. I learned that he was depressed and had a hard time getting over seeing me like that because how do you witness your lady almost bleed to death while delivering your first child by emergency induction and not be depressed and really able to cope. He was depressed and I had no idea because I was depressed as well. Luckily we talked about it and reconnected and our daughter is now almost three with a baby boy on the way knowing we have a healthy pregnancy and should have a much better delivery this time. (Doctor I’m seeing delivered our daughter and has experience in the issues we’d had with her) depression and stress can take a toll on anyone especially those in relationships and their sex lives. Definitely try to ask him if he’s depressed or going through something alone

Mine is an Iron Worker. Gone 4-5 days. Home 2-3 days. When I got pregnant it went down hill because it was a girl and he felt weird… didn’t tell me that until a few months ago (my daughter is 20mo old now). He had given up his true hobby for work before I met him. He was able to fake happy and he content with “just me” for a while but it eventually ate at him. Our relationship was IN SHAMBLES and not only sex but even any kind of affection. I pushed him back into having a hobby (which is his actual passion). Weve settled into that next phase of our relationship. We have sex sometimes 2-3 times when he’s home and sometimes we go 3 weeks without. It truely just depends how busy we are in our weekend. Also, we are both 26 if that helps you feel at ease at all :two_hearts:

He’s either depressed, not attracted anymore(which is his own personal issue) or is cheating. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Trust your gut and your doing the right thing by having an open dialogue with him. I’ll keep y’all in my prayers.

My husband and I went through a dry spell. We’re 25. I know for a fact he wasn’t cheating and was just overwhelmed with work. At the time, I questioned a lot. Now, i understand. Our sex life is back to once a day or a few times a day, but that dry spell caused arguments that should have never happened. I say that because I wasn’t thinking about him. I was just thinking about me wanting him.

Depression, affair, or physical health.
Does he have any other signs or symptoms of depression?
Does he take any medications?

Could be depression, stress, or anxiety.

Ive been w my husband since I was 22 yrs old, were 35 now. I want to say it was about his late 20s that this started for me. Theres nothing wrong, he loves me. We may have sex 1 every 3 months, sometimes its me gentle reminder over and over how long its been. It could be low testosterone or he could just enjoy laying next to you because he’s trier.

Have him get his testosterone tested… he may just have low sex drive… maybe that why he "doesn’t know "

Honestly, stress is a huge mood killer. So if he’s stressed out then that could be what it is. Also, sometimes when you’ve been together for awhile sex is like a roller coaster. Maybe just try other forms of intimacy other than sex to kind of help ease his nerves and relieve his stress.

Honestly it sounds like he could be struggling with something internally, have you asked how his mental health is doing?

He could be depressed try counseling