Hi, mommas, I need some major advice. I recently found out my husband of almost ten years is texting & talking on the phone with his ex-girlfriend. He says he isn’t doing anything wrong. But there are way too many contacts through the phone to make me think & feel different. I have asked & demanded they stop talking, but that hasn’t happened. I’m so lost & confused on what to do. We are still under the same roof with our kids & sleeping in the same room. I have tried multiply times, asking him to go see a therapist with me, but he declines every time. I still love him & want to be with him if he just stops talking to her & we can get back on track. I believe this ex of his has no clue on what is going on between him & me sexually & nonsexually. That she thinks we are completely split when we aren’t at all. How do I get him to realize that he’s got to stop this & how he is hurting me & make her realize she needs to leave us alone & that he isn’t truthful to her. I’m the only one that knows this is going on & it’s killing me inside. Any advice is greatly appreciated. This is the first time that he has ever cheated on me. I don’t want our family to be split. I want to try everything I can do to keep us together before I have to throw that towel in & call it quits. Thank you, ladies.
Tell her and leave him
Once a cheater always a cheater. Sorry but it’s very true.
If he isn’t willing to understand your point of view and respect your wishes, then I’d leave. He obviously isn’t going to stop no matter what you say or do.
Message her and just make it clear. Ask her to tell you if she has been lead to believe otherwise.
Yeah but can you ever trust him again???
He doesn’t care, probably wants you to leave him instead of him leaving you. He obviously has no respect for you or your marriage. She owes you nothing, he does. And, even if he says he’ll stop talking to her he’ll actually just try to hide it better. Might as well get your stuff together and leave.
That’s not acceptable at all. Talk to the ex about it. But the truth is HE is your husband and should respect your feelings more than she should. If you’re uncomfortable with something, he needs to fix it. If he doesn’t want to stop, then it’s not worth saving this marriage.
If he can’t see what he’s doing is disrespectful to you and your family… it will never change and you need to leave
He isn’t going to change girl. He doesn’t respect you. Time to put on your big girl pants and Move on
I would contact her and talk to her… if he gets mad oh well… you asked him nicely now you take matters in your own hand
He knows. He just doesn’t give a shit. Sorry
Seems like the feelings you’re having aren’t mutual. Sorry
I would go confront the ex face to face and flat out ask her how long they’ve been talking and if anything else has been going on. If she truly has been led to believe that y’all are separated then she’ll tell all and if she knows y’all aren’t seperated then she’ll say something snarky. Then go from there don’t be a door mat for a man girl respect yourself. If he wants his wife and kids he’ll stop before it’s too late
I’m sorry. But you can’t make a man see what you see. You just cant. He either sees it now, or he sees is after you leave him. There is no in-between
If he doesn’t man up and stop acting like a fucking idiot, then he’s a piece of shit and deserves to be kicked to the curb! If a man truly loves and respects you, he will listen to your feelings and stop being a dumbass.
The fact thats it even happening shows hes lack of respect and devotion he had towards you and the kids.no man who cares and loves hes family would do that kind of disrepect.
Contact her and put her straight that you are very much married WITH KIDS TOGETHER and ask about the conversations they’ve been having. Also try and find out why she thinks it’s acceptable to be talking to him as much as she is. If you can’t get through to him then you can try and appeal to her to get it to stop. Then you need to have it out with him and put your foot down! How effing disrespectful! He’d be pissed if you chatted to an ex boyfriend that much I’m sure!
He’ll resent you for giving him an ultimatum.
Reach out to his ex and tell her the truth. Expose him for the liar he is.
Leave him ASAP!!! Unless they have kids together there is absolutely no reason for a married man to speak to his ex!!! Get out now before it gets worse!!
I wouldn’t confront the x the problem is your man. If she knows or not your man should be treating you better. I’d leave…
If he refuses to stop talking to his ex after a 10 yr marriage he’d be single. I don’t play that game. I would also let her know you aren’t okay with it and that you are his wife.
Leave girl he dont love you
Pack his shit and drop it on her doorstep
I would tell her the truth. That we arent split up. That we are still in the same bed. I would also go to therapy independently. You need to work through why you feel like you should be in a relationship where you know he is cheating.
Get a consult from a good lawyer, put your foot down and go from there.
When you tell someone they are hurting you and they don’t stop, it means they don’t care. Either he has no respect for you, or he no longer fears losing you. The other woman isn’t really your problem, He is. Tell her if you must. But if I were you (and I have been) start making plans to end it.
It’s not the talking to his ex it’s that he’s putting another woman before you that’s the problem. Your married and have kids he should respect your wishes if he truely loved you and cared he’d not want to hurt you xx
There is more going on then you know, I would contact his ex and chat with her because he is clearly playing both sides! Good luck
First of all you dont need to make her realize and leave you 2 alone. Your husband is the one who has the committment to you. Men like that will unfortunately not change even though you want him to. My best advice to RUN. Unless you want to spend the rest of your marriage dealing with the same stuff.
Threesome. Solves everything
He clearly has 0 regard for your feelings. I would contact her and confront her then contact an attorney and be done. He doesnt want to be with you and only wants his cake and to eat it too. Either be ok with being put second and treated like a doormat, or get out.
Id make sure they split. After their split, i also leave so he can live in misery like i did.
My ex husband did the same to me. I would find messages between the two of them and then when i was out of town one weekend, I found out they went and played pool together and…who knows what else. When confronted, he denied it! The messages were right there and he still denied it. Well, needless to say, we arent together anymore. I also discovered, it wasnt just her he was talking to. There were others. It’s a hard decision to make but one I dont regret. That doubt and insecurity will eat you up and it’s a relief when it’s off your shoulders. I’m now remarried to someone who “gets it” and that I can trust. There is hope.
My guy talks to his ex’s. Not everyday or even every week but “how ya been” type stuff. He’s friends with several ex’s on fb. Took me a while to get over my own insecurities. This is where trust comes in.
Of course, I have no idea of the type of conversations between your husband and his ex. Are they sexual?
I would leave. I know easier said than done but you are worth so much more and so are your children. I stayed with my ex for 13 years and he did this all the time & it will never change. I wish I had gotten out sooner but at least now I am free. Trust me when I say do not waste your time and life on someone like this. There is better out there for not only you but your children. Prayers
Leave him. Bye bye. He has no respect for you. If he didn’t he woulsnt of contacted her in the first place. There are unresolved feelings between them. You need to move on with ur kids. Doesnt have to be sexual to be cheating.
I’d reach out to the ex myself if I was you. If he’s not willing to fix your relationship with therapy is it worth putting your kids though the toxic relationship that could evolve?
Take charge. Contact her. Tell him you are contacting her. Don’t let him control the situation. This is YOUR life and YOUR marriage too.
His heart is somewhere else. Move on.
I honestly told my fiancé that he needs to stop talking to all the girls he was trying to get with he did this when me and him got together but honestly he has stopped and yes I have access to everything of his we even share a phone.
So sorry you’re dealing with that. Do not confront the ex gf. She can’t do anything your husband doesn’t allow her to do. If she’s messaging him and he’s responding, your issue is solely with him because he needs to learn to set boundaries. If it were me, and I brought it to his attention, and he hasn’t changed… I’d save myself the trouble and heartache by just leaving him. You may love him, but his actions are showing that he doesn’t love you. Find yourself someone who does. Best of luck to you!
Leave him. He doesn’t care about your feelings clearly. If he’s told her y’all are split and you’ve confirmed that, he needs to go.
You leave. That’s what you do. He doesnt respect you or your family and you deserve better then that. Leave. No better yet kick HIS ass out!
You shouldn’t have to convince someone to respect you and want to be with you.
I understand you’ve been with him for 10 years, that’s an entire life you created with him and leaving sometimes doesn’t seem like an option but it definitely is, not an easy one, but the best one.
You’ve set your boundaries and he’s purposely disrespecting them, someone who loves you wouldn’t do that.
I hope you can see that soon enough to walk away from him, it won’t be easy but it’s necessary for your health and mental state.
Regarding this other woman, she is not committed to you or your marriage, so she owes you nothing in regards to respect. BUT HE DOES, so he is at fault 100% and you need to understand that, because when you do you’ll also realize that HE is making the decision to destroy your marriage, not her, therefore your focus needs to be at him solely not her.
If you choose to stay YOU made the decision to accept this disrespect and you shouldn’t let their relationship bother you even if you continue to mention your boundaries because YOU chose to deal with it.
He’s waiting for any fight to go see her.
He won’t change so no point in trying to make some one show you respect. It is beyond disrespect at this point. In the long run you and the kids will be better off without him as he is showing you that he has no respect for any of you. As for the “ex” she most likely already knows about you. Just be the bigger person and leave that alone unless you want drama and more hurt feelings. Wish you best of luck and remember no one deserves to be treated like that.
Okay but I have one serious question does he have children with this other woman? Because that can alter my whole perspective on this situation
If he does; it my be just now she’s stopped being a bitter baby momma’s and is letting him see the children and only way he can talk to them at the moment is on her cell and wife may not want him haveing any contact with said children (not saying this is you just ibknow a lot of people who do this because they don’t wanna share there husband with “someone else’s children”)
He doesn’t: he’s a cheating basters and you need something better
get her number amd blow his shit up. and then leave his dumb ass. hes not worth it if he doesn drop her
Call her see what is really going on
You can’t make him stop, and you can’t make him change. He knows exactly what he’s doing
Leave girl. You deserve better
You go to a counselor alone! I’m 58. 20 years ago not exactly the same situation but go by yourself please.
I see leave him alot but what I don’t see is …PUT HIS SHIT OUT ON THE PORCH AND CHANGE THE LOCKS. DON’T UPROOT YOUR CHILDREN FROM THEIR HOME. HE NEEDS TO KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE WITHOUT HIS FAMILY! STAND YOUR GROUND! HE IS MAKING THE CHOICE TO DISRESPECT YOU AND YOUR MARRIAGE!
I divorced my first husband for infidelity. I tried to make it work and forgive him but he ended up still having a relationship behind my back. Not to mention, I wondered every minute of the day where he was and what he was doing. My daughter was 15 months old and I left him. I have now been remarried for 7 years to an amazing husband. He too was friends with an ex on Facebook and when we got married and he felt like I was uncomfortable with comments she would make on his posts, he deleted her. I never had to ask him, he just respected how I felt, and that was it. If he sees how much you’re hurting from this and doesn’t want to fix it, give your relationship a short break. Have him live elsewhere for a little while.
I’d reach out to her and tell her to stop talking to my husband
Try The Love Dare Fireproof your marriage book movie FB group. Talk to him confront the girl.
Honestly I have no advice because my husband and I have always associated with each other’s exes. for example when I first got married to my husband and his ex-wife would call in the phone needing him to go fix something or do something he would do that for her no matter what. my ex-boyfriend before I married my husband comes around and things like that we talk we all hang out. honestly you can’t control what your spouse does or does not do because technically they are grown. like my friends parents across the street I let my friend’s mom know I said listen my husband will not pick up my phone and delete my friends or delete pictures or delete messages ooh no, I’m grown I waited till I was 18 to make my own rules my own choices and I’m a grown woman and my husband is a grown man as well I will not pick up his phone and look at his Facebook and delete people and things like that just out of respect the fact that he is grown and if I trust him and have faith I’ll be fine. Honestly as long as there wasn’t nothing sexual or intimate going on I wouldn’t worry about it. like I said my husband would go see his first wife and we first got married she is now passed away and went to heaven but she was sort of disabled and if she needed something fixed or done she would call who my husband which was her husband before he was my husband and he would go and fix things for her and do things for her help her go to the store or whatever it was. Honestly I would have been a trashy wife if I would have said no you’re not going to help your disabled wife I’m sorry you’re married to me. I think I would not have a husband to be honest with you
I’d kick him out , he’s cheating
Leave. if he’s acting that way, there’s no point in keeping him. He’ll soon just dump you and won’t even care about the kids. He’s cheating, momma.
It’s simple Enlighten her. Not just with words but with photos. When he falls asleep take a picture of the two of you in bed. At the dinner table out with the children lots and lots and lots of pictures. Then forward them
I get all of these comments about how you should contact her but honestly, he started it at home. Its him. He has to entertain it for it to continue and that’s what seems to be happening. Id be livid & i don’t know what I’d do but I do know that if he didn’t want it it wouldn’t be happening. Good luck to you.
people are crazy. unless she knows for sure he’s cheating guys can be friends with their ex its really not a crime. and if he is cheating and you know that for sure you give him a choice leave her or leave you of you want your relationship to work. if you want to call it just leave him.
Leave Or Give Him A Taste Of His Own Medicine
My heart hurts for anyone in this position. Wish I had the words… I don’t. I do know how it feels though and that in itself is a miserable, sick feeling. I hope you realize your worth and fight ONLY if the both of you are willing… it cannot be one sided. Good luck, girl.
I know its so easy for people to say leave. Sometimes your heart just isn’t ready. If you truly think telling the ex or talking to him will change things you should. Only you know him. If you told him he had a choice you or her would he choose you? A life of going through his phone isn’t worth the time and energy. It will make your life miserable. Make a list of the pros and cons of being with him. Then decide if its worth the conversation;)
Does he have other female friends?
Message her respectfully and ask her to please let u know what’s going on, make sure u add in that u still r very much together, give details
He’s manipulating her to make himself look available and knows that you know. It sounds like he doesn’t care how much it hurts you
You need to leave him . You can love him all you want but dont allow him to disrespect you like you are trash when infect he’s behaving like trash ! He has to want to work it out you know where you stand leave with some self respect and love yourself more!
I know that this is the hardest thing ever to decide. Maybe you should take a step back, pack up you and the kids and leave for a bit, clear your head and think if this is where you want your kids to get there understanding of how a relationship works, is this something you want to continue to put yourself through.
He refuses to work on the marriage instead given you sweet words and empty promises faking it when he feels like it only to turn around and contact another woman when he no longer feels that way for you.
You can not force someone to do what you want.
Just like we can give you all the advice in the world that make sense to us but you won’t take it till you decide that you no longer deserve this treatment, till you decide you deserve more love.
I will say this you in case no one has told you DESERVE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, you do not deserve this, this is not your fault, Do not for a minute let anyone say this is your fault, YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE. No one should ever be made to fee this way. Do what you need to do to be happy, a happy healthy mother paves the way for her children.
I also want to leave you with this thought, imagine if your child is going through this similar situation what advice would you give them?
Would you tell them to do what your doing, knowing the mental and physical effort is tearing you down or would you do everything in your power to save them from this?
Leaving is the only way “to make him realize” sounds like he threw in the towel the day he began talking to her again.
If you want to reach out to the ex and make her aware of the situation. So be it. But that doesn’t mean shes going to walk away. But ultimately its your husband that has to want walk away from the ex, and you can’t make him go , and do anything else.
What it comes down to is are you willing to put up with his actions? If not, get your ducks in a row and move on.
Honestly even if he stopped talking to her he will just start talking to someone else… once a cheater always a cheater. I know it’s hard to walk away but you may have no choice. I would also try to contact this woman and let her know that hes still very much involved in a relationship just to give her an idea of what kind of man shes dealing with. My heart goes out to you it truly does nothing worst than heartbreak but if you got out now you would slowly heal and that may be just what you need right now
My husband Still talk s to his x after 13 yrs
Call her arrange to meet up and fill her in on the fact that you’re still very much married and sleeping in the same bed. He could be telling her anything she may think hes broke up with you etc…then pack up his stuff and leave it outside for him to collect anyway…you and your kids deserve better than to be disrespected
You can’t make him love and respect you. If he doesn’t want to make your marriage work then it will fail. You can however, teach him how you deserve to be treated. Kick him out. It’s either her or you. There are no gray lines in marriage, you are either 100% in or 100% out.
Wow sounds to be like he wants out. I’m sorry it might be best to move on. Best of luck
Put his shit out on the lawn and move on with your life.
If he’s not willing to let her be for the sake of his family then he doesn’t want you, he wants her. Reaching out to her may help in the sense that she will look at him as the P.O.S. he is for playing you both but then again they have history and she might not care but see it as the best woman will win him. I say put an ultimatum on him and if he can’t let her go then you need to go. Otherwise you will be living in misery knowing you’ll never be the only one. Sounds like you wouldn’t leave him for the sake of the kids but that is unhealthy for you and the children. Don’t be that woman that goes crazy over a man. Let him go or just let him cheat in peace if you’re not going to leave either way.
I would give him a dose of his own medicine. Find some guy to text and call you. Just be honest with guy or make up one with a girlfriend. Be sure he catches you. See what happens.
If you allow him to disrespect you then that is what he will continue to do. If you give him an ultimatum then follow through with it or he will never take your ultimatum serious again.
Girl I’m sorry to say but it is over and time to start moving forward. It is gonna hurt like hell. But after some time you will realize happiness again and wonder why you didn’t make the move sooner.
Definitely contact her. If she’s willing to be friends with him, she has to be friends with you too because it’s a package deal when youre married. If she’s uncomfortable with that, she has poor intentions
Make him think you’re talking to an ex. Let him see how it feels. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Pretend if you have to, when he comes in the room act like you’re talking on the phone and real quick say here he comes I gotta go. When your phone rings walk in the other room like you don’t want him to know who it is.
Oh come on he’s absolutely up to no good
Why do you call it cheating? Is he talking with her sexually?
Mine did too he was cheating on me. So they can’t be just friends.
Kick him out he can go live with her bye
Always go with your gut instinct. If you feel like something is going on THEN IT IS. Also, don’t call his ex to talk… She’s just going to tell you what he’s told her to say! Sorry but you need to be firm about this in heading for a divorce. You can get the upper hand if you file first. Take proof with you of him contacting his ex. A judge will grant you alimony if you can prove or he admits he’s having an affair. Good luck.
Invite her over, eventually things will come to light so get everyone together and here ya go
Listen please. If you read no other comment.
The second you have to message another woman to tell her to leave your man alone… YOU NEED TO LEAVE YOUR MAN ALONE.
You need to draw the line. Each relationship, friendship, family, partnership, has boundaries. This is one of them. Set your rules. Follow through. Simple as that. Him doing this is disrespectful and not okay.
You cant love enough for both of you
It’s time to walk away. You deserve so much more. You are worthy. Why would he stop if he knows you know and nothing has changed nothing has happened. Your feelings are the only ones whose are hurt. He’s getting his cake and eating it to. Leave for a week. Without telling him. Take the kids. And go stay with a friend go stay with family. Go on a mini vacation. Let him know your serious. If it matters to him he will stop. If it doesn’t the. You gotta do what you gotta do
Sit him down and have a real heart to heart conversation with him. Let yourself be completely vulnerable and tell him exactly how you feel and how his actions are effecting you and your relationship with him. My husband ended things with his ex on mutual terms and were still very good friends. I brought it up to him once that it made me very uncomfortable that he was still talking to her and hanging out with her occasionally (always in large groups with mutual friends). He immediately stopped talking to her after I mentioned that. Your partner has to have respect for you and your feelings, that’s not something you can force on them. Hopefully if you have a talk about the things that are bothering you, he’ll see how his actions are hurting you and the relationship and he’ll change his ways.
Marriage is hard. Counseling
Some of this advice on this thread is outrageous I would reach out to her… I would do what you see fit for you and your family/relationship. Anyone who’s not in this situation can tell you to leave, but we all know it’s not that easy. Hugs !
Work on a plan and leave. He doesn’t respect you or your marriage and you constantly being unhappy over his disrespectful actions, will eventually trickle down to the kids. They will see their Mama unhappy and it will affect them.