He has chosen her over you end of story. I just literally signed divorce papers yesterday for the exact same situation in my marriage. He stopped talking to his “friend” and 2 years later he found another one and was even more sneaky about hiding her. Move on before you get hurt even more. Its whats best for you emotionally.
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Girl you can not make a man want you. You can not demand him to stop talking to people. Know your worth. If you allow him to cheat and stay with him. You are allowing the mistreatment. Once a cheat, always a cheat. Ask her over for dinner if she is just a friend. She should be your friend too.
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The fact he is being dismissive and completely ignoring your feelings tells me he’s already out the door. Kick him out.
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If keeping a relationship with her is more important than your marriage, that should tell you something.
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Sadly I have been here before. Behavior only got worse and I had to divorce him. I’m sorry but a man that doesn’t listen to the pleas of his wife on matters like this is just a red flag that cannot be ignored. He won’t stop unless he wants to. I’m sorry.
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I would leave him. plain and simple. You could be happy too with someone else. If he really loved you he wouldn’t be putting his attention on not just another girl , but his ex. It’s Someone he knows and has memories with. Don’t stick around. Like why stay with a cheating person. I would leave in a heart beat. Someone could come in your life make you happy and love your children as their own. Don’t wait to see if can “fix” it. If he’s already done once he can do it again. Just leave.
I would reach out to her and let her know the situation and if she is fully aware y’all are still together and is okay with that it’s time to move on with your life.
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Unless you want to share him, leave him. Or go find yourself a man to text to make his dumb ass jealous. I don’t think he’s worth it though.
Leave him. That’s 100% unacceptable. What does he need from her that he can’t get from you? I’m sorry if I sound so blunt and heartless but there is no need for a married man to communicate with his ex or vice versa.
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I will tell u what I done in the situation I was n … My husband at the time was acting funny over his phone bill when it came in the mail T-mobile had an itemized list of calls by time duration and date then I had asked to see it bc I’d never seen one like it. He searched thru the many pages and gave me a few he stood up and started pacing then when I noticed a number that was called alot I asked who it was bc I didn’t recognize it. He gave me sum excuse I think it was one of his buddies or sumthin but anyways he asked for them back bc he had to leave for work so I handed them back and he goes off to the back of the house with all of them n hand to the storage room and comes back and leaves. Something didn’t stick with me. So I didn’t waste time after he left and went on a search after a couple hrs I finally found the well hidden list of numbers and look them all over and sure enuf he was calling it several times a day everyday. So we talk he told me he wldnt talk to them again if it bothered me and it was dropped…it was his ex. So fast forward to around a yr later he gets a phone call and he didn’t answer it and runs outside right after I check the number and it was the same one. I waited for him to come back n and told him I thought he quit talking to her he said it wasn’t anyone’s business who he talked to so I drop it and leave him be. A few days later I ended up packing up the kids and go to TN. We lived mostly in different places bc of his job he was usually 100-190 miles away from our home in TN. He wld drive in on weekends. We done this for awhile. He was a carpenter by trade. He had finally gotten us a place about half way up ky so we figured it was time to move in together and try at a normal family life so I came with the 3 kids and I am so happy I didn’t let my other place go think it only took 2 months for me to find out about her. Long story short I ended up calling this chick and tell her I ain’t mad at her but I’d like for her to answer my questions and she did I told her thank you for her time and honesty with me and she smarter off b4 I hung up and said it wasn’t any of my business what he done 
I told her …u know we are married and do married people things right she said yeah ur married but not together !! 
I told her we was and that she needed to quit talking to a married man and hung up. Not even 5 min later he calls me and goes off on me for talking to her. 
I cldnt believe it I was so angry and hurt. Come to find out they had meet up for dinner within the 2 weeks he caught mono 
the kids and I tested neg for it …go figure. I wait it out for 8 months and save every penny I can that he gave me and paid for a divorce lawyer. He asked me how I CLD even pay for one since I didn’t have a job and I said well I didn’t pay for it you did…he was so mad 
Moral of the story give em a chance to stop have a calm conversation about how it bothers u and if it continues then move on. You sanity is worth everything especially if there is kids involved.
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Best advice…dump him
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She’s not in the marriage, he is! If he doesn’t care how you feel, walk away. He’s still gonna talk to her.
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Leave him. She is not the only one he is talking to. She is just the one you know about.
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Basically he’s choosing his ex over you he doesn’t want to stop time to give him a ultimatum tell him he withers stop taking or your gone simple
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Buy insurance & aim high
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Your with a man who doesn’t respect you or your boundaries… leave him. Point blank period.
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The most important is your sanity and we’ll mental health and your children, and sometimes because of this it’s best to separate yourself from things.
And at this point if he isn’t wanting to stop talking to her it’s because there is far more going on than anyone could imagine.
I understand not wanting to tear apart a family but he is already doing this, and for your own well being it’s best to close this chapter of life and move on with someone faithful.
If u don’t trust him to the point of telling him who he can and can’t talk to then there is no point being together. You will never be truly happy if u don’t 100% trust him
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He’s gross. A man who has no regard for your feelings is not in a relationship with you. He’s in one with himself.
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Honestly, I’d leave him.
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Leave him, he doesn’t care about your feelings and he’s gonna continue to do what he’s doing.
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People will tell you to leave, to confront her or not to confront her, once a cheater always a cheater… but the truth is it’s in what you want to do. You know what your willing to go through, put up with etc. My advice on marriage is that it’s not a fairytale! There are good times and bad times. Sometimes those times are moments and sometimes months or years. It’s what you put into it during both that makes it. Not giving up in the hard times that that allowed you to see what you truly have in the good times. It’s your choice to weather the storm or not and hold out to see if he chooses the same. At the same time though you need to look deep into your self and ask what may I not be giving that he needs as he’s not giving what you need. NOT BLAMING YOURSELF!! Just self analysis. Because at some point he will have to do the same for things to get back on track. Open the lines of communication, ask what she is providing that you are not even if it hurts to hear things. Be honest but not hostile. And don’t close the door to leaving if it’s too much for you. It’s your life and your heart. Listen to your instincts they will lead you to the decisions that are best for you. Not the opinions of others
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He has already let you go. Sometimes when something like this happens and the woman finds out it is a wake up call and the man thinks what the hell am I doing this is my wife and family. Maybe he was just flattered at the attention. The fact he didn’t stop tells me it was more. He may be hanging on because he does not want to pay child support. Tell him to get down the road I need my freedom to find a good man! As far as contacting her send a nice sympathy card she will need it.
Talk to her directly. If she is being lied to as well, she probably would like to know. Men don’t expect women to communicate with the mutual goal of being treated with respect. They expect you to catfight. Ask her directly what’s up in a nonconfrontational way. You’ll both probably want the truth.
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Men don’t have platonic friendships with exes. He is cheating on you. Do you have children? He must choose, he cannot have it bothways
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The lack of respect and understanding for your feelings alone is enough for red flags. You are worth more than this and deserve better. Along with your kids! I say get ahold of her and see what she says. Fb stalk her and see if she has a boyfriend or if your husband is being inappropriate with her or vice versa. Trust your gut. The longer you stay they more resentment you will have and the more pain everyone will feel in the end. There is a lot of good advice on here. Good luck
Honestly, I’d leave him.
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He’s talking to his ex and doesn’t want to stop? You would forgive him for that. He literally is saying he don’t want to stop talking to her. If he made lies to her about your relationship that’s even worse. That is CHEATING. He has no respect for you and your marriage. If I was you there would be no questions asked I would leave him so fast his head would spin. If you can go stay with a parent or family member or something because he’ll always do that behind your back and I know this because he is not wanting to stop talking to her. You don’t need to do this to yourself. It’s up to you but he obviously has more going on with her then talking
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I don’t talk to my ex husband anymore than I have to and we have a kid together. I’d say get out. Threaten to leave or kick him out and plan to follow through. If that don’t snap him out of it then he’s already moved on. Do you really want to stay with someone so disrespectful to you, your marriage and your family? You and your kids deserve better.
I would actually call the ex from his phone, because we ALL know she’ll answer. Ask her if she even knows about you? If she says yes and tell you he said you guys aren’t together then that it may be time to pack up and leave.
You can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to
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Sounds like he’s done. You need to do individual counseling or therapy. If he is isn’t physically cheating he is must certainly emotionally cheating. You and your children will be better off in the long run if you are not together. In the end you have to know what you can and will put up with. Once trust is broken this way it will be very hard to get it back. You are worth more than that and so are your kids.
He knows he’s hurting you!! He knows exactly what he’s doing!!! And he don’t care leave him!!!
I’m sorry, it’s time to leave. He doesn’t care about you. You’ll be ok though. Stay strong!
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Three words: you deserve better!
How disrespectful. Sounds like it’s over. It’s hard when you love someone, but get out of there (as peacefully as you can)! You’ll regret it later on if you don’t stand up for yourself now. Teach and show your children the right way to treat people. Your kids want and need the best version of you & want you to be treated well (whether they know how to say it yet or not).
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Sweetie you should just leave u asked him to stop and he has told you no which means he doesn’t care how you feel and at this point doesn’t even care about you. You guys are married and have a family. It doesn’t matter if she dont know what ur guys situation is he. So what if he is lying to her about whats going on between u too he is telling her what she wants to hear to get what he wants from her. I know its hard trust me and its going to take a toll on you and before you know it you’ll be angry and miserable all the time and it will negatively affect your children. Just live sweetie its whats best for the kids and definitely your well being mentally physically and emotionally
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I would get the number and send her a text. Explain who you are and see what she response with. After the outcome of all that you should be able to make a sound judgement on what to do.
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You can not make that man care about how you feel, because he obviously doesn’t.
He cares more about talking to her than he does about hurting your feelings.
Let that sink in.
Also think about how your children can most likely see your pain, and your teaching them what love is.
Is being loyal to someone that isn’t loyal to you what you want to teach them about love?
It doesn’t matter what the ex thinks.
All that matters is your husband doesn’t care how you feel, and since he doesn’t care how you feel and cares more about talking to her, he obviously doesnt love you.
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I’m sorry you’re going through this alone. I feel that he has lost respect for you and you have also lost respect for yourself. Please realize that you deserve respect for your family and you. He does not care about you emotionally. He might financially support you and the family but that’s as far as he is committed. Save your heart and family the pain you’re going through. Move on knowing that the Lord will watch over good and bring the right man into your life. God bless you!!
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You either stay and get over it…don’t do that please.
You separate and find your way back together.
Or you separate and divorce.
Even if he wakes up tomorrow and stops texting her, a line has been crossed and vows have likely been broken.
You need time to find yourself and fix it, or find yourself and move on.
Good luck. 
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I’m not sure what else you can do, if you’ve already talked to him about the problem and he refuses to fix. And you’ve asked to go to therapy and he has declined. What else is there to do? Unfortunately it won’t work if only one side is putting in all the effort
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This is the first time you’ve caught him cheating. If you’re willing to live with a cheater then stay. But just know he could up and leave you at any time. Get prepared so you won’t be lost and broke once he does. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
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Communicate calmly how you feel. Make an appointment with a marriage counselor and one following with an attorney. Let him know that if he does not attend therapy with you for the sake to preserve your marriage then you will be heading to the attorneys office.
Do not allow your heart to make the decisions…
what advice would you give your daughter in the same situation?
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You mean your ex husband
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Leave him you deserve better!
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He doesnt want what u want
U wanting it more doesnt change his mind
It’s over
I’m sorry. I know its killing u inside but he knows what hes doing
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If you don’t take a stand show self respect he won’t feel the need or desire to respect you either. I’m so sorry it’s very tough to go through. As hard as it is I think the best thing to do is split up. You deserve someone that respects you and your feelings
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As much as no one wants to hear this, she owes you nothing.
You don’t have to make her see anything.
HE is the one that owes you more. HE should not put you, or her, in this position.
You need to leave unless he will give you the respect you deserve.
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went through this it only gets worse he now cheats on his new wife we have 5 grown children and 8 grandkids
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Run. Now. I waited too long, and it will be my biggest regret in life. Don’t wait another day.
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If you know who this woman is invite her over for dinner and have your husband explain to the both of you at the same time exactly what he wants or who he wants and then walk away with your children bc you and your children deserve so much more than this and the even if he were to say he wants you and his family he will be lying bc if he did he wouldn’t be doing what he is now and refusing to work on your family. Don’t let your children be raised thinking it’s ok to treat the ones they supposedly love in this matter. Wish you all the best which ever way you go with your situation. God Bless.
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You’re letting him have his cake and eat it too ! You’re cheating yourself out of a good and faithful relationship I would let that lying cheating man go!
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A few points here. Since when did talking become cheating? Does this rule apply to every female in his life? Sounds like an inferiority complex. The story didn’t mention if he had children with his ex. There’s an example of having to talk to your ex, as much as you don’t want to, because the children come first. We don’t know.
Look up… cant raise a man. Play on repeat. Kick him out.
Call the lady n tell her wassup but don’t take his ass bk
Tell her so she knows 100%. Give him an ultimatum either you or her. He can’t have his cake and eat it too. Personally I’d leave but I know sometimes it can’t be as easy as just leaving
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Sweetie I’ve been in your shoes. My ex husband had me tell his ex to stop texting, calling, etc only for me to find out that it all was a set up to make me feel better. We were together 10 yrs married 7 of them and come to find out he was still seeing and sleeping with his ex for 9 of them ten yrs. they actually got married 10 days after our divorce was final and the day before his and I anniversary. Many times throughout our relationship I would find random messages between the two and he always claimed nothing was going on. Finally my last straw was when I had had a major surgery and he didn’t bother coming to the hospital and when I came home he would either come home extremely late at night or not at all so I told him it was time for him to go. I’ll be very honest it took me 2 solid yrs to stop crying and wanting him back but now 4 1/2 yrs later I’m honestly better than I’ve ever been and still completely SINGLE! It’s better to get out sooner than later because it’s truly hurting your children and your self.
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Re read what you just asked. He is obviously not willing to stop than why would you continue to stay with him. You deserve better.
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He’s already half out the door- make the push. If he can’t even respect your wishes he’s already half out
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Disrespectful to you as his wife.
No trust.
You deserve better.
Get out. POS
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Demand he stops or you will be going to court for support. Text he demand the consequences of her not. Block his phone with her
Get her number now and talk women too women with her.
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I would tell him he needs to stop talking to her and work on this marriage or your leaving. If he chooses to keep communicating with her then I guess he isn’t really in it for the long haul. Also, maybe he’s talking to her because he’s getting attention from her, that he doesn’t get from you.
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Leave him and split custody and go and enjoy your life!!! You will absolutely find somebody that respects your wishes
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Ultimatum! If he dont stop, kick his ass out. U deserve respect. And it’s clearly not being given!
Why is he even texting and calling his ex? Is this an ex from prior to you guys getting together? Do they have a child/children together?
If this is just merely an ex, (no kids) then he really should not be communicating with her PERIOD! He isn’t willing to change. He’s made that clear. Which means he does not respect you or your feelings. He is half way out the door now. Looks to me he has made his choice. It doesn’t matter if the ex knows about you or not. She owes you zero loyalty. Not saying she’s in the right. But she didnt make vows to you. He did. And he obviously doesn’t care. Even if they have a child/children together, still doesn’t make it right. Yes, they can discuss the children, whatever. But that’s where the boundary stops. Don’t try to hold on to someone who doesn’t want to put you first. It will only prolong the pain…
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Message the homewrecker and tell her to back off, or tell him it’s either you and your children (his family)or his ex who he jasnt been with for over a decade…he sounds like a pos anyway so you should probs just leave
U might as well call it quits right NOW…save yourself from the bullshit girl… You will always have doubts in the back of ur head… U don’t need it…never beg a man for NOTHING !!
Perhaps try talking with her from a non aggressive point to see what her views are on this
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Id call her and talk to her.
If he’s not doing anything wrong he wouldn’t mind going to lunch with the both of you 
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He’s a cheater…
Get some self respect and leave his ass
If you have certain standards of how as a wife you would expect to be treated and he is not meeting any of them, I am sorry but you have to leave do not give and give to him, give only to yourself and children, it’s going to hurt massively but with time and the courage only we women have you will get by he ain’t worth fighting yourself for. Good luck xx 
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How dare he really! That is Incredibly rude of her and beyond poor judgement on his part. I would sit down over a cuppa one evening with him and nut it out (ie: ultimatum) as it really is terribly unfair of him (and her:roll_eyes:) to put you in that situation if they do not have children together than it is completely unjustified. If there is one thing I’ve learnt is that men will get away with anything you allow them to, so a foot needs to be put down! Also friendships with ex lovers often lead to emotional cheating and then physical. My step father for instance lost my mother 17 years ago, got into another relationship shortly after, recently split with her and went straight back to an ex he had left for my mother nearly 30 years ago and he also told me in confidence that he had kept in touch with her the entire time. If he doesn’t respect your wishes and you believe there is a relationship worth fighting for then perhaps talk with the other women and hope she has some kind of common sense and decency to stay in her lane and if not there is a great saying I’ve learnt in life “if he doesn’t want us, then we sure as hell dont want him”. Wish you all the best and to find peace with this situation, know your worth and demand it 
Dont bother talking to her. She owes you nothing. This man has made a commitment to you and even if she backs off, hell find some other woman to hook up with. He WANTS her. Theres no point being with someone who WANTS someone else and refuses to stop hurting you. Lying to this other woman saying you’re split is why shes under that impression.
Take screen shots/pictures of messages that are incriminating.
Any messages where you’ve asked to stop for the sake of your marriage need to be kept too.
Divorce the barstard and dont give him a cent.
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If you choose to live with a cheating spouse that’s your chouce to make. It’s not a great life.
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I’m sorry but he does not love you and will never change and you deserve respect. He sounds like a selfish little boy and you already have kids who need you whole and happy. You and your kids deserve better
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Divorce him and build yourself back up.
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Gonna drop this here
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He will continue to talk to her because your allowing it, you need to take care of yourself, go into counceling for you! Tell him he has a choice either he respects you and stops talking to her or he will need to leave. You don’t deserve how disrespectful he treats you! Know your worth!
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PM me her information and I will very nicely explain the deal to her!!!
I personally feel if you have expressed your discomfort and he hasn’t stopped out of respect for you, its time to leave.
I do wonder whether it’s the time and effort he’s putting into communications with her that you aren’t getting in your relationship that’s the real problem here.
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-
Were they serious and something big has happened for example has someone in her family died and maybe he just contacted her to say condolences.
If this is the case he has every right to also be upset and going by this post you wouldn’t allow him to be. -
What are they saying. Is it hey hope your doing well or is it i miss you.
Guys can be friends with girls, even exs we are all human after all and maybe she is going through something rough. -
How did they break up was it messy or was it a case of we are better as friends.
Maybe she needed closure or maybe they were friends after the breakup but before you have you even looked at this. -
If he is meeting up with her and lying about it, yes leave him hes in the wrong.
Meeting up and lying about it is cheating. Saying I hope you are well isnt. You need to look at everything and also look at your whole relationship. Going off your post you have already made your mind up.
I frequently message my ex. We dated for about 3 months in high school we were stupid kids. Hell me and my parter have had dinner with him. At 24 my ex had cancer, a kid and going through a divorce so i helped him out. You need to look at the bigger picture. Me and my partner are very secure in our relationship and we trust each other. He also has talked to girls from before me. So if you are worried about him just saying hi and I hope your okay then there is a bigger problem.
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Contact her, invite her over and have discussion about their activities. Better yet, invite him as well. If you aren’t all on the same page. You have decisions to make. Don’t blame his ex. He is the one in a committed relationship.
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I so sorry for what you are going through i was married for 17 happy years( so i thought )my ex was writing to his 1st cousin and his mail was going to his workplace so i did not know we had 3 lovely children her husband died of a heart attack so i was told she was comming up to Qld with her 2 children to live with us not to worry he could look after us both i could not believe this he told me they were together since they were 12 i do not remember the next month yes i had a break down then before she arrived i got strong enough to leave i was soo heart broken never trusted a man again so i do hope you tex her and tell her best of luck
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What he is doing is a form of cheating. He has no business contacting another woman and by refusing to stop he has completely disrespected you and your children. You don’t need to deal with That!! Know your worth!!
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My ex did that. I stopped that shit. Then when we split years later he finds her, moves in with her. Lol. Lasted a month.
Block her number on his phone or through your cell phone carrier. But that’s just my petty way of taking care of things like that 
If he is cheating you need to get copies of texts and pictures, anything you can use in court. You can also sue her for interfering in your marriage. I can’t remember what they call it but an attorney will know. Good luck. 
Tell him you ran into an old boyfriend and exchange numbers and you figure if it’s okay that he can talk to his old girlfriend and text back and forth that it’s okay for you to do it too but you just wanted to be upfront with him and watch his reaction then take it from there
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He is very aware of what he is doing. Sadly if he truly loved you & respected you he would have no desire to have conversations with her.it shows he is still holding onto feelings for her and it will escalate into something else.you have to stand up for yourself and tell it straight to him if he loves you he’ll knock that crap off.its childish and it shows he is not taking your relationship seriously
He’s already left the relationship. Divorce is not a good thing but, it is much much better than allowing yourself to be disrespected and treated terribly. So sorry. I’d be gone.
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Well he’s talking to someone else, he will not work towards a solution by stopping or willing to go take therepy to work on it. So is it really worth saving??
He is showing you right now how important you are to him. And its very little.
A marriage takes basic respect and work from both partners.
He needs an ultimatum.
No talking to other women period and therepy or Divorce.
I’ll not fight for someone not willing to fight for me and our marriage.
I put up with all his disrespect in the hope of keeping my family together…he eventually left anyway…that was years ago and to this day I hate myself for lowering myself…Might as well kick him to the curb and get it over with, he’s on his way anyhow !!
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Speak to her. Invite her over
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It sounds like he is done. If he is not willing to stop and save your marriage then its time to walk away.
Have you reached out to the ex? That would have been my first move!
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I dont have good advice because with my sons father said he would quit cheating he never did. If you are unhappy I would leave if he isn’t making any effort to fix things.
Even if she realizes that you guys are still together it doesn’t mean she’ll leave him alone, or that he won’t just find some other woman to talk to. If he’s continously talking to another woman I don’t see it stopping so it would probably be best for you to leave. You can’t make someone stop cheating but you can find someone else who won’t cheat.
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You don’t get him to realise nothing. Sounds very immature for 10 years but he’s done with you so it seems you’ve asked him he’s not listened so have some respect for yourself and leave him.
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