I’ve been married for 9 years. My husband has cheated on me at least four times. I’ve forgiven him and let it go because we (then) had a son. While in June of 2019, I had our 2nd son together. In September, I found out that he cheated on me again. Here it is January, and it is finally sinking in. I’ve lost all trust and respect for him. I love him as my boy’s dad, but I feel no connection or anything anymore. I need advice on what to do and say without my boys suffering.
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Leave. Yes the kids will be hurt, but you are teaching them that cheating is acceptable!!!
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Kick him to the curb!
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Leave…you should’ve left long ago…do not let your boys grow up and think thats the kind of men they want to be…i say this with love…grow a backbone and salvage your self respect sis
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4 times? Well seems to me that since you allowed that continuous treatment he never really meant his sorry. You need to leave. Take your son and leave. Your son is learning what he sees and your husband’s bad treatment is teaching him that’s ok.
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Uh im sorry you let him do this to you… Stop being a damsel in distress step up and be a woman/mother and leave that MF
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Pack him a bag and sit it on the porch
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Wouldn’t of been a second time 
get rid of him !
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Get out. You have sons to raise. Their father is a poor excuse of a husband and man. That’s NOT how you want your sons to grow up thinking that what he’s doing is right, I would hope.
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Leave. He doesn’t respect you, and I don’t know how you’ll ever trust him.
Every time you forgive him you are giving him permission to do it again. Either leave or stop complaining and except it.
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Find your feet and Makes moves!!
Kick him to the curb, your children will pick up on his manipulative ways!!
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Does anyone else wish we could get updates on the situations we give advice to???
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Do not stay for the kids you deserve more
Ya dumb. You should have left him the first time. Definitely after the 2nd. Now its 4? Ya dumb!
Better to come from a broken home than to live in one
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Take out the trash…it has been piling up …has to go. You deserve better…it starts w/you.
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Stay with him. You seem to enjoy the drama.
You can co-parent and not stay in a loveless marriage or a situation that disrespects you.
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Lawyer up, buttercup!
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Do it 4 times and that’s just Nuts!!
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Pack up his stuff and tell him it’s over. Try to remain calm and cool and tell him he can see the kids as much as he wants but the relationship between you 2 is done.
Hmmm…4 times and you feel no connection and you’re asking what to do? Girl, leave him. Get your pride and life back.
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Your plain stupid!!!
And you are still with him? Geez get rid of his behind
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Cheat on me once that would be it. It’s his loss not yours.
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As utterly hard as it will be, you have the move on. You deserve better as well as you sons. The longer you stay, the more your boys will see, and they will grow up to do the same things.
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Don’t you leave. Make him leave. Pack his shit, set it in the yard and change the locks.
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Should have only taken once!
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Please get checked for STDs. Make a good case against him for a divorce. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. After cheating 4 times, im definitely sure he’ll keep on cheating. Protect yourself, protect your kids. Be prepared for a shit show and kick him out. Many blessings
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You guys need to go your seperate ways. Dont be a jerk when it comes to co-parenting.
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Just get the hell out of that! He will always cheating on you darling, nothing will ever change! Love yourself and your kids more…
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One simple question: what are you teaching your sons by staying??
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Children are not stupid . You can forgive him , but your boys will figure things out eventually . If you accept his behavior they will grow up thinking that is an acceptable way to treat women . Leave and never look back .
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Time to go! Better to live and be happy then live with someone like that and be unhappy
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F@ck him off he won’t change and you deserve better
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You don’t need advice. You already know what to do.
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He’s cheated 4 times and you’ve just had another baby with him ? Haven’t you thought about the diseases you could get from him ? 4 times ?? I’d have ditched his ass after the first…get some respect for yourself kick him out
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Make a plan on how to leave and set it in action. It’s easy for everyone to say just leave but leaving costs $$ and you have to have somewhere to leave to. Make a plan and stick to it. Don’t feel bad when he cries over your leaving it is all just emotional blackmail, if he’s aggressive have someone who can help you pack up and leave or someone there with you when you kick him out. Speak to a lawyer coz separations/divorce can be costly. Go see your Dr you will need std checks coz he’s been unfaithful. A cheater will always cheat so it’s either you accept this is how it will always be or you make it better for yourself by letting him go.
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Let him be someone else"s problem
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All you women on here saying all this about the kids learning from their fathers actions … do you make it a habit to tell your children their father cheated on their mother? I mean I sure hope the kids didn’t witness it, and if they didn’t they shouldn’t know what their father is doing. His actions are wrong against his wife and their mother but it has no bearing on him as a father (considering we don’t know a thing about this man). Those children should be oblivious to the fact not learning from it!
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Once a cheat,Always a CHEAT.
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Kick his sorry ass to the curb.
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Don’t use your kids as an excuse, to not leave. If you aren’t happy, what are you teaching your kid’s, by staying? Move on & grow with your kid’s.
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Life is to short to be miserable…
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Time to go you will find someone that will worship the ground you walk on . Yes it’s going to be hard at frist but time heals everything
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Your boys are suffering. And your teaching them this behavior is ok. Is this the kind of men you want them to be. Theirs some mothers daughter out there who will love the sons you raised. Only to be treated like the daughter your mother raised.
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Leave! 4 times he not going to change!
You and yr boys will be ok
Just support them having a relationship with their dad as best you can and never speak ill of him around them
Get counselling or support for yourself too xoxo
You be get thru this
Im sorry his hurt you on this way but please remember its about him having issues not you xoxo
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No counseling necessary…you KNOW what the problem iS
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Once a cheater always a cheater. He has no respect for you his kids his home life. Get out and don’t listen to his lies and apologies when you give him the boot. How could you stand him next to you.
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Listen honey the.reason u dont.have true.feelings for him is because of what.hes done its despicable u have a choice to make.this wont.be easy.cheating no way.and 4 times my God this will not get.better.good luck on what every choose
Put the boys first. Keep it civil as best as possible. State you realize the relationship is over but you both need to remember to respect one another during this emotional time for the boys.
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It’s time to leave. If he repeatedly cheats on you, I’m sorry, but he does not love or respect you. Try to keep it friendly or at least neutral because you have kids together. But if he isn’t acting right after all that time and children together, he never will. Don’t be a door mat, there’s someone out there who will treat you right.
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Might as well stay. After 4 times (those are probably only the ones she knows of) clearly you’re not going anywhere and he’s not changing. Idk what advice she could possibly be looking for
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Well aren’t you a little doormat. Why would you think so little of yourself and stay after the first time, I’m going to tell you what I tell a lot of young ladies. You have all the pussy and half the money and with that combination you can get all the dick you want. You have the power. Learn to use it.
Your boys dont have to suffer if your not with him
They will in fact suffer perhaps if you stay. Children sense when parents are not happy with themselves or each other. You and your husband are ending a relationship not the children
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You already know what to do…
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It is so easy to sit back and say helpless, leave, should have left long ago, kick him out, chick up. Every situation is different. The bottom line being these are all accurate, but are you at a place where you are done? So many stay out of fear, money, hardship. But as everyone said, this needs to be done. You are wasting your time and value. Once a cheater, always a cheater and yes it is true. Get a plan and move on!
He needs to leave and pay for the boys to stay in their home.
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Go see an Attorney, your local Bar Association can get you free legal aid too. You need to know what your rights are and what you need to do to protect your children. Do it ASAP! I know what I’m talking about, I’ve been through the exact same thing. Please take care and God bless!
You know what you need to do…get your support behind you and do it.
You can’t be serious. You should have left the first time and definitely the second, but what’s done is done. So now, tell him to leave, get a good lawyer and rebuild yourself for you and your children. You deserve better. Any person who cheats on their mate doesn’t really love them. Sorry
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IF YOU NEED ADVICE, it’s too late. Do what’s best for you and your family. LEAVE IT.
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Hey guys please don’t bash her, she’s asking for advice. This is why so many ppl are afraid to speak out and suffer in silence.
I think you need to be strong for your kids. He broke his family all on his own and instead of trying to fix things,which I’m sure you were doing, he carried on destroying whatever was left. It’s up to you to now to decide what’s best cause he clearly doesn’t. It’ll hurt but the pain won’t last forever.
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Move on if he has cheated 4 times in 9 years it looks like he has many more years of cheating ahead.
I look at this way by stay your your kids are learning how to treat their partner. If you don’t want that future for them then you need to leave and set a example of what a healthy relationship especially with yourself.
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I would not only b pissed that he cheated on me, not once, but 4 times, I would b pissed thinking he probably has a STD that he could pass on 2 me!!
Get yourself checked now & kick his nasty ass 2 the curb!!
He will always b a cheater!! Have some respect 4 yourself!!
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Leave your teaching your boys its normal and ok to !! Sorry ive been where your at 
Kick him to the curb!! Know your self worth! He will keep doing it since you forgave him the other times.
Do you and get rid of him!!
If your daughter just said that to you what advice would you offer her…do that and don’t make any excuses
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You have a right to the fidelity of your spouse. You have the right to have safe sex with your husband. Once was enough, but you have taught him that he can cheat on you and there will be no consequences. You can expect this behavior to continue unabated. He has his cake and he eats yours, too. Sorry, to lay it out so brutally.
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My daughter actually told me two things. We teach people how to treat us by what we allow. And The person who cares the least, has the most control. Mind you she was in her early 20’s at the time. Best saying I have ever heard. You looked the other way and taught him he can do it over and over again. You care the least now, so use your control and change the page!
It seems you both know the feelings aren’t there anymore. Have a sit down with him and discuss a divorce with co-parenting in the discussion - divorcing or just leaving with children isn’t easy on anyone especially the children but you don’t want to raise them in this kind of environment of unfaithfulness, lying and deceiving kids do pick up on this and then think that is the way to treat the ones they love. Do your pros and cons on what you want for yourself and your children. In most cases the mother gets primary custody with visitations given to the father so do take that into consideration in this - you don’t want your children’s lives in total chaos due to not settling the details together before you part ways. Divorce is never easy but living with what you have lived with is not easy either and isn’t fair to anyone involved especially you and the children because you are the ones being cheated not your husband. Good luck and God Bless you all.
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Seek therapy. Seek free divorce process advice in your community (yes it’s out there). Start looking at your financials - someone as dishonest as he is might have messed up other areas including your credit score. Begin the process for divorce and custody. Come to the realization that even though you won’t be married you will still have to communicate and coordinate with this other person and it might be a nightmare at times. Seek more therapy. Find 3 good bottles of wine (you’ll need those more than you know). Tell your boys that you love them very much and your love and ability to be their mom doesn’t rely on you being married to their dad. Tell them that care about their dad, but sometimes people are better as just friends and not married. Tell them that it will be hard to understand, and it might take a long time (and more therapy) but you will be happier and healthier as a mom. Buy more wine.
You’ll be more miserable if you stay. Your kids will be fine if the separate parental environments are safe.
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I’m so sick about hearing about all these poor women with no self esteem or self confidence
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You are stronger than you know . Faith be with you .
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Get a good lawyer and divorce him. Once a cheater always a cheater. You and the kids deserve better.
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Leave him period he will never change and it’s sad but good you haven’t any feelings anymore for him
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Either you leave or let him cheat in peace. U have allowed it four separate times. You DESERVE BETTER. LET ME REPEAT YOU DESERVE BETTER.
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Lord please help these women
Figure out what kind of woman you want to be. What is your expectations of marriage, your role and your spouses role. You can stay and accept that he is unfaithful and come to terms with that. You can stay and be miserable and not accept that he is a cheater. You can leave and create the relationship you want out of life. It’s all up to you and what your willing to accept. No one elses opinion matters, your happiness and peace of mind is what matters because no one is gonna live your life for you.
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By staying, itll harm your kids more. Itll also teach them that this is ok. By staying, itll harm you more. Youre kinda lucky that you feel nothing for him anymore, it makes it easier to leave. Unlike the ones like me that are still so in love its hard to leave. I hope you make the choice that is happy and healthy for you and your kids.n
Have you ever thought about what you are going to tell your children when you get a STD and perhaps your life will be cut short with AIDS? .you have value and worth. Why are you giving that up for him???
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I don’t understand if a man cheats on you then you gonna go have another kid by him to prolong the relationship you know you should be leaving!!! Low self esteem and no dignity.
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Wow. We are to support,understand and help each other. She’s already down and doesn’t need to be kicked anymore. There is a lot of missing information. The cheating ofcourse is not acceptable. Do you love him,in love with him? How does he feel about you? Marriage counseling? Drug,alcohol addiction?
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Set yourself up first
Take a moment to gather yourself
Get good with your decision to leave
Make a stable plan before you launch so that if he decides to play dirty you are not bound by circumstance 
breathe
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Leave him,you deserve better
Leave. He is using u for a home he will always have!!
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Leave him he will continue to cheat and break you and your spirit down. No woman should stand behind a man who betrays her in that mannerism. I was married for 22 years and caught mine cheating. I tried to let it go and forgive him because of all the years but it was impossible. Keep yourself strong for your boys leave his sorry ass. He does not deserve you and you deserve better!
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Wow 4 times and your still with him… I have nothing to say more power to you
First Get an attorney, file for sole custody of the boys and the divorce on the grounds you just described, Petition for Alimony, child support, and the homestead. Go to the bank take 1/2 of all accounts open one in YOUR NAME ONLY You dont have to leave! Make his ass LEAVE !!! Next thing you do is SELF CARE ,get yourself a manicure/pedicure, get that hair style in the last magazine you saw, go over to the nearest merle norman and get the free makeover. The better you feel about YOURSELF the easier it is to SMILE at his SORRY ASS in the courtroom!
He’s demonstrated that he has no respect for you. I’m not telling you to leave, but if you stay, you can expect more of the same behavior. He’s doing what you’re allowing him to do to you. He doesn’t think you will leave, that’s why he continues. If you do leave, love yourself enough to not come back. 
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It doesn’t matter what you say; it only matters what you do. By leaving him you teach your children about relationships and how to and not to treat women. Stay connected to their father for their sake, don’t bad mouth him in front of them and make sure they know that you both love them dearly 
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Oh heck nah! No way would I allow it a second time let alone a fourth time! His ass would have been gone the very first time. That’s just how I work! But even if I forgave him and tried to make it work after the second time that would have been a wrap for sure!! He’s never gonna change and does not value or love you the way you deserve to be loved and valued. He’s using you as a door mat! Separate and allow him to remain apart of the children’s lives but as far as the two of you go there is nothing there anymore and he doesn’t deserve to be with you! Pack his shit and set it on the front porch and put a note 
saying you cheated and I won’t be defeated your ass out!! That’s what I would do!!! Never let a man betray you and use you like that!!
Now im convinced this has to be a fake page
Your kids are going to feel pain at some point in time in their life it’s part of life we all do and you’re a good mom for caring about them. However I’m going to let you know that your kids will want to see you happy instead of miserable so if they’re young you don’t tell them anything and you do whatever you need to do to make your life happy. And I was given this advice is that you do not speak badly about the other parent to your children because they are half of that other parent.
If you stay with this cheat. your boy will suffer. This loser does not know how to love. Why are you wasting your time/life with this loser.
Your kids are suffering because they see you unhappy and you and your husband not living like a happy couple. Get divorced and find someone that cherishes you. I know from experience!
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