My husband hates taking care of our kids, what can I do?

I am in desperate need of advice. I’m miserable in my marriage. Most of the time my husband acts like he doesn’t want our kids, like they’re an inconvenience. He goes out of his way to do things outside the home so he doesn’t have to be around them on his time off and whenever he has to do something for them he gets mad. Y’all, they’ve slept in poopy diapers because I’ve already been asleep and they were too afraid to ask him to change them. They refuse to ask him to do anything for them and they’re only 3 and 4. Our son constantly asks if I’m mad now when I change his diaper and it breaks my heart. I’ve brought this up to him and begged him to get help but he doesn’t want to hear it. Just puts the blame back on me and my parenting style. I’m a very loving and compassionate mom, my kids are my whole world and that’s how I parent them. He gets mad when I comfort them at night because they’re afraid of the dark or when they want to sleep with me because they’ve had a bad dream. We’ll get into an argument about it and things will get better for a little while and then they go right back to the way they were. I don’t know what else to do. I’m just miserable.
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This is blunt but - please leave him. There’s no reason to act that way, it’s really sad your child now asks if your mad that you have to change them. He’s a father, those kids are half him. He needs to help you, he’s your partner. What is wrong with him. It sounds like it wouldn’t be an issue anyways since he’s never there to begin with.

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Leave him get child support but also why is a 3 land 4 year old still in diapers? A 4 year old is a kindergartener potty train them already

I was in a marriage just like this for 22 yrs. Don’t wait like I did until my girls were 21, 15 and 14 yrs old to leave. GET OUT NOW!!! It is scary and I won’t lie it is hard starting over but you and your babies will be so much better I promise! I hate to that your sweet babies are scared to ask him for anything. Please your story is word for word what mine was. I’m 42 yrs old and I wish I would of left when I was pregnant with my youngest and not waited 20 yrs. I know we are all telling you to leave but you will have to be the one to make that decision and you will know when it comes down to it what the best decision is for you, best of luck… Love and hugs to you and your babies!

As a mom who went through this for 10 years, the best advice I can give is to leave him. You have an obligation to your children and yourself to protect from any harm. My ex husband was the same way with my kids and honestly still is on his brief visits with them. My oldest had a major speech delay because of the mental abuse and now at 6 years old has nervous ticks, she flinches and is constantly trying to people please and know that she did well and isn’t in trouble. My four year old describes her daddy as scary and mean. My youngest always acts incredibly relieved to come home. I will wish for the rest of my life that I had left sooner because my oldest is scarred from the life she has had. I know it’s scary and I know it will be hard but you will be so glad you left. You will watch your children blossom into wonderfully happy kids, I promise you will see such an amazing change and you will know it was worth it. You do not owe him anything, it is your life too and your kids and you all deserve happiness.

Leave before he gets physical. It’s already mental and emotional abuse. Protect the baby’s and your self now

LEAVE HIM! Take your kids and leave before it’s too late!!! Don’t even confront him!!! He’s a very dangerous person to be around!!! He will do something horrible to all of you, please leave him!!! Don’t become a victim to a family killer!!! He’s showing you exactly what he doesn’t want, and he will do something horrible if you don’t leave him, put things in motion so he doesn’t know you’ll leave him, do it sooner than later!

He acts like they’re an inconvenience to him because they probably are. Pack those kids up and leave if you have the means too. If not save until you do or seek out help to leave.
Itll just get worse.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband hates taking care of our kids, what can I do?

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Has counseling been discussed?

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Have you talked to his mama about this?

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Divorce and move on theres plenty of men dying for the chance to have a good woman

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Tell him to step up or step out 🤷 can’t force him to be what you want. I’m sure your kids aren’t very comfortable in that situation either. No reason to make them feel like the problem when they aren’t. They can’t make the choice to leave that environment. You are their advocate. I may be blunt on the subject but I’ve been there done that. My kids are teens and still have self esteem/confidence issues because of similar things

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Leaving one partner alone for parenting without any reason but the only reason is selfishness is I think the most disgusting thing an other parent does

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Best thing I ever did was not marry the person I had a child with and it was because of this reason…I was a SAHM and his contribution to home was playing for with our child for 5 minutes when he got home from work…when we went to court about custody one of his first requests was to be the first asked to babysit…

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I personally would leave. It clearly isn’t going to get better and if the kids are afraid to ask him for anything, Imagine how they will grow up feeling if they continue to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around their dad, in fear of his reaction.
It’s not healthy.

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Tell him to step up and change his ways now or get the hell out. You and your kids deserve so much better.

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Give him an ultimatum. He needs to change or you will separate from him. He needs to realize just how much his actions affect those babies especially in the long run. :confused:

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There is a very important point in this, your children are afraid of their father, what is the real reason for this. With all my experience as a social worker and as a mother I tell you that what he is doing will cause trauma and scars on your children’s emotions, I would give you some loving advice, start thinking about separating and giving a happy and safe home for your children to grow up. :heart: big hug

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That’s child abuse and you need to make a plan to stop it yesterday

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Make him stay with the kids tell him either he helps or your going to run errands by yourself and he has no choice but to stay with them

Leave don’t put up with that my sons dad used to do that and I left him and moved on and he would beg me to come back but I found better that treated him like he was his and he hated it but he lost out

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Leave him it’s bad for your kids to be around that all the time

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I would have been left no man is about to make my kids feel like that. No ma’am he needs to either step up or pack up period

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I’m sorry that is grounds for divorce and then asking the courts for emergency custody. Just remember… you want your kids to respect YOU as their mother… you are their protector… this is borderline abuse… emotional, physically (not tending to babies hygiene) and he is very toxic… your children are already seeing what’s going on if your little one who is in a diaper is asking if your mad you have to change the diaper! Time to pack up!

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He sounds horrible… You already know the answer. You know what you need to do, even if you don’t want to. Those kids come first.

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What he is doing is sooo detrimental to your children’s mental health. He doesn’t deserve them or you.

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I’d leave for my kids sake.No way would he be scarring or scaring my kids

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Run as fast and far away from him.

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Please please please listen. I say this from coming from the same type of situation LEAVE! just go. If those babies are scared of him like that. It won’t change. He’s made what he wants very clear seems like. Please for the sake of those babies get out

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Leave!! Kids should never fear their father

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Keep doing it all except without the man child

What a shit father! Leave for the sake of your children, they come first.

That would be a deal breaker for me

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I’m sorry to say this but it won’t get any better, only worse. It’s hard but for the sake of your children please consider leaving. He’s already doing damage to them.

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If you stay with him… your kids are going to grow up thinking that’s how a man is suppose to act/treat others… and that’s not ok.

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Don’t put up with that. It also sounds like potty train time

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My heart breaks for your kids. :broken_heart:

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If he chooses not to get help leave! Your babies deserve to feel loved! I have so much to say! But don’t want to put public! I totally feel what you’re going through please message me!

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This is abuse please seek help. You and your children deserve better.

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Does he realize he is responsible for their entire existence? To leave you to tend to them is emotional, mental and physical abuse on all 3 of you. Children need a loving home, not a home where they are scared of a parent.

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The fact that your young child asks if youre mad you have to change his diaper, is a huge red flag. Your children are afraid of their father, which is very concerning. I would leave, and leave fast! Your children AND you, both, deserve better than that. No real man, is going to make his children feel like that & it’s wrong on so many levels. Don’t continue to allow him to cause trauma in you & your childrens lives. Get out now. Your kids come first. File for emergency/sole custody as well!

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Take your kids and llave! He is not gonna change, you and your kids deserve better!

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Leave and get child support

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Classic narcissist. Better start packing

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Leave that man child for your kids sake! That is unbelievably wrong on all levels. They’re helpless little children wtf did he think! You don’t just make babies and expect them to do for themselves.:sob::rage:

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girl he aint the only man on earth dump his ass and be w someone who loves u and ur kids how they deserve to be loved

The kids shouldn’t be afraid to ask him for things. But if they are old enough to say they need a diaper change it’s time to potty train. Your kids should feel comfortable and loved at home. Sounds like he not willing to change.

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Girl your best bet is to leave… especially if he wont listen and blames you. You shouldnt have to love your children less or walk on eggshells when you do what a loving caring parent is suppose to do. This will never change I promise you this and they deserve the best of you. He honestly doesnt care. He only care about what you can do for him. I’m so so sorry you are going thru this. Hugs :heart:

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Three and four? Lord have mercy. That’s kind of like changing the diaper on a grown adult person. Get your kids potty trained. Mine were fully potty trained long before that age.

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This is so sad.
My only advice is do what your heart tells you to do. You already know it’s toxic and you need to leave, because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have posted about it. Do what’s right for your babies :heavy_heart_exclamation: my inbox is always open if you need

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Find a new husband :heart:

Unless there is something wrong with your children…. Why are 3 and 4 year olds still wearing diapers? Also, now I’m in fb jail cuz y’all hoes want to go back and forth and get y’all feelings hurt. “I’m a good mom”… not if yo big ass child wearing mini-adult diapers and telling you when they need a clean diaper on… but yo lazyass feel like they ain’t ready to use the potty. Foh.

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GTFO now. Like what the fuck. Those poor kids. Please leave.

Leave! Take your babies and run.

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Your kids come first.
Its possible your hubby experienced this from his dad and its all he knows, however as an adult he should know better.
You don’t want your kids growing up to do the same.
Tell him to get help or you’re leaving.
Give him an ultimatum, you’ll know clearly where you and your kids stand from his response.

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Girlll you must not love your kids that much if you put up with shit like that! These are children. He’s really fucking with their heads mentally. They will remember this. Girl he will only get worst. Get it together mamah. Those kids are traumatized at this point.

Children over a man or women ALWAYS.

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That is mental abuse of those children. If you miserable and those babies are miserable get away from him. Please don’t let them learn to be adults from him because they will think this behavior is ok

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I’d start putting the shit from dirty diapers in his shoes, socks, smear on his deodorant, put an old dirty diaper under his driver seat, spill milk in his passenger seat, smear piss diapers all over his pillow. I’m petty as FUUUUU**, and I would personally retaliate on an unforgivable level. :woman_shrugging:

But like I mentioned in the other group, you are a kind and compassionate mother, you already know what you have to do.

To all the people commenting about the potty training, it is literally normal for a 3 or 4 year old to not be completely potty trained. My 4 year old is still in the beginning stages. (Trust me, I’ve tried everything under the sun)

Plus, some kids have disabilities where they aren’t potty trained until 10 or later or they never learn how to use the toilet at all. Have some grace instead of judgement…

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Kids should not be afraid of their parents. This will forever leave a scar on the children. But those kids should be potty trained long before now.

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If you’re kids are not in a safe and loving environment… it’s time to leave. Easier said than done, I know. However, he’s not going to magically change overnight and his frustration and anger towards them will only intensify the older they get. You absolutely don’t want your kids in this environment.

He will never change. Get out.

I would have already left & not looked back! It sounds like you know what needs to be done. We as parents are supposed to protect our children at all cost & sadly enough sometimes that means protecting them from the other parent! It doesn’t sound like he is willing to even have a conversation about this, let alone change so his precious babies don’t fear him. As difficult as it may seem to leave & be a single mom, I think you know that’s what needs to happen. My inbox is open if you need a listening ear, to talk or just to vent! Prayers & hugs momma!! :heart:

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Wow this breaks my heart that they have slept in poop diapers because they’re afraid to ask to get changed. Wow so sad for them… if I was his kid I would wipe shit all over his face when ever I got a chance like that’s so messed up.

Pretty sure she is asking for relationship advice Not here to be crucified because her babies are still in diapers Get a life people I hear thus crap from my family My older adult children potty trained by 2 my now 4 3 and 2 year old still is a work in progress Mind your business unless you are the pediatrician Mine told me to tel my family to mind their own

I’m so sorry this is happening to you and your babies. You already know the answer though, even though it’ll be one of the most hardest decisions of your life.

And yes, I’m sorry, but if your children are ASKING for diaper changes, they are ready to be potty trained, which can be alot on you as well with no help.

Just know and read this over and over if you have to… You are strong! You are beautiful! You will get through this!

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Throw the whole man away

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Leave him. If your babies are scared of him it’s not going to get any better only worse. You re better off without him. And if he’s jealous of you looking after them n giving them attention then that’s a red flag. He sounds a bit controlling

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Umm leave. Your children are more important than your marriage at this point.

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He should be AN ADULT, RESPECT HIS WIFE (YOU), START TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS WITH YOU AND NOT LEAVING THEM IN POOPY DIAPERS, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, TAKE ALL THOSE INSECURITIES HE HAS, TALK ABOUT THEM LIKE A DAMN MAN AND ADULT WITH YOU, AND MOVE ON FROM THIS BS.

IF NONE OF THESE THINGS TAKE PLACE. I think you know what to do from there.

HOWEVER.

Should you come back on here crying saying you are still with him, etc etc. You are the problem to yourself at that point and allowing yourself and your heart to be abused. At that point please don’t get me wrong, but I have no sympathy. Because you know what needs to be done. And manipulation is infront of you.

Mentally abusing his own kids. Run

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Set up your own bedroom in the guest room and leave him to himself. Take care of your kiddos and don’t depend on him. Save up in case you need to move out. He’s not a nice person.

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Leave him. He doesn’t deserve a family. That is neglect and abuse.

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Get away where you and your babies are safe and happy then you can get back at the undistracted mommy stuff…so many judgemental opinions about parenting…just do you and it will work out…you and they deserve only LOVE … God Bless and prayers for you

Unless your children have disabilities they should be potty trained! If they can tell you that they need changed and are old enough to “be scared to ask to be changed” they need to be potty trained. I’m sure you already know what you need to do. He won’t change unless he wants to. You can’t force it.

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Think of it this way: if you stay with him you will eventually teach your children that this is okay behavior to treat their future partners. We are not only raising our children but we are raising future adults.
You know what the right answer is. You and your children deserve to know what the right relationship is.
Believe me the other side is more beautiful than you think. You can do this.
I’m sorry, you guys deserve happiness.

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Leave. Please leave for the sake of your children. They dont need that crap in their lives

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If he takes issue with your parenting, sign both of you up for a class. Tell him you want him there for his expertise so he can ‘help you’. They may even give you strategies to encourage him to engage with the kids, or coping strategies for you to deal with him.

I agree the kids need to be potty trained… BUT the man still needs to pull his head in a be a father, I’d leave that man right Away disgusting

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Sounds like he doesn’t want to be a father.

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Sounds like he’s pretty immature and jealous of his own kids! And if you’re miserable then they are def miserable too…Maybe it’s time you know your worth, pack up the kids and move on!! Good luck with whatever you choose! :heart:

As a man I see so many of these post and it makes me ashamed of my own sex. They way you ladies talk about how your significant other makes you feel and for what it’s worth I’m sorry

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Think and then act. You dont need advice, you need the will to fix your life one way or another.

My husband’s sister is in a marriage like that. She’s always wanted to be a mom got married the guy told her what he knew she wanted to hear so they would get married… they have two kids that barely can stand their dad. His parents have more say then she does with anything and because she doesn’t believe in divorce so she’s stuck. It’s super sad. If you can leave I would because it will affect ur kids worse mentally the older they get

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If you’re acting like a single parent then might as well be happy and be a single parent. Good luck!

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You dont get a refund on time spent in bad relationship. Not only that, but Your kids are going to be scared from his attitude. They need a Dad that makes them feel secure and loved.

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He’s literally mentally abusive to your kids. Leave him, and don’t look back. Also I wouldn’t let them be alone with him after the separation, until he gets help.

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Divorce! You can’t change anyone but yourself! The kids and you do not deserve that kinda treatment!!! I’m currently at the end of an on going episode of General hospital with my Ex! It’s almost over! You get What you except!

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Leave or kick him out either way , pack his shit and put it in the driveway

My husband and I have been married for 13 years, OUR children are 25,21,19&6. Biologically they are not his kids but no one would ever know they are not. Our 6 year old is our niece/Goddaughter and together we chose to be her parents. He always been hands on in helping raise all of them. If I’m at work he has our child. We also have 5 grandkids and he is the best PawPaw in the world. Girl ROLL OUT with your babies. Don’t stay and suffer. If your suffering so are your kids.

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Run, don’t walk. Do it for your children if you won’t do it for yourself. That’s fucking horrible. I’m so sorry :frowning:

“I don’t know what to do…”

Ma’am. I don’t know how you don’t know the answer to this. The only rational thing to do is make him your ex-husband and file for full custody of your children with supervised visitation. Your children are already showing the effects of his treatment. That will only get worse.

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My daughter’s biological father treated us like that for the first year of her life, longer for me🙄. I left and while it was hard it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made

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He seems immature if he doesn’t want to take care of them he shouldn’t of had kids

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First make sure your on good birth control so you dont get pregnant again with him . Next tell him you are talking the kids and taking a break to give him a chance to get help on parenting then set goals and see of he takes his family seriously. Follow your gut and put your kids first.

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I promise staying with him will effect their lives more negatively than you’ll ever know.

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Why are the kids not potty trained at 3 and 4? And if you are not happy leave

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Not going to be easy but do it now so you can heal and move on and give them a better life.
I bet once hes gone the potty training will be a breeze too. Anxiety does alot to kids.
Best of luck!

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