Has this page turned into an agony aunt page or what?
Run as far away as possible
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Get out for your kids
I’m sorry if your kids are your whole world why are you still with an asshole they are too scared to go to for help with a nappy change.
You need to lose that asshole.
Sounds like you have one more baby you didnt bargain on.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband hates taking care of our kids, what can I do? - Mamas Uncut
I lived through that and decided when they were 9 and 6 to leave the relationship. It was the best thing I decided for them and I. I regret not doing it sooner.
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He’s gonna hurt those kids and you. He’s already doing it emotionally and mentally. Next he’s gonna start doing it physically. Protect your kids and yourself.
Also, some of yall are too worried about her kids being in diapers. Like why? There is a bigger problem here and kids wearing diapers isn’t one of them. I swear 
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Why are comments focusing on the diapers… some kids learn later than other and that’s okay. Some people believe to potty train when the kids are ready…
Besides that… I say leave. To me you don’t seems happy. Children can feel that. I grew up with my mom always stressing and not happy (she stayed for us kids) I could feel that and honestly the older I got the more I felt it and I did not feel good.
You deserve better than that. Leave and go find happiness!
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My ex was similar - never wanted to clean because he was “maintainer” - maintaining a house is impossible with a toddler and dog etc. I would hve to juggle school (zoom classes) with my children because he was busy smoking cigarettes, pot or drinking in the garage .I worked , kept the house up, made the majority of meals , did the household shopping, paid the bills etc . I was afraid of doing it on my own but when he left to work out of town , I realized everything was way smoother the house was calmer ; the kids were happier . It’s scary to leave but trust me I wish I would of left sooner . My kids happiness is what made me realize I needed to end the relationship for both their and my well being . I didn’t want them to think it was healthy to get upset and yell when things didn’t go his way. It might be a struggle being a single parent but things get better and you and your kids will find a routine . Try counseling and it will empower you more .
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If it were me i would pack his shit and leave it outside. My kids will always come first. No child deserves to feel like they’re not wanted. Especially by a parent
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I don’t see her asking about help with her kids being in diapers and no one has any room to judge on why they are… all kids are different all kids hit milestones and things differently. She’s asking for help and support on the husband situation. Which sounds horrible and toxic. Maybe remember to support not to assume or judge someone. That’s exactly why people won’t ask for help. Afraid of the judgment. Try and be kind….
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If you even have to come here and ask this, then you know what you need to do. It took me a long time to get the courage to do it but you and most importantly your babies will be so much happier. They don’t deserve to be treated this way. I’m so sorry this is happening to you and your babies. Pray, scream, cry, fall apart and then wash your face and do what HAS to be done. Sending lots of love your way!!
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You need to throw the entire dude away! File for divorce ! Leave with your children or kick him out . Whichever way. . You’ve already tried many times to get him to act right. He obviously doesn’t care . I agree with some of the above comments that the children shouldn’t be AFRAID to ask their dad something . Obviously more is going on with that … you need to GET OUT! Take care of you and your children ! You and you’re children deserve BETTER!
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You need to leave this jerk and take care of your wonderful children. He doesn’t deserve you or his children. Get an attorney to help you. There are lawyers who will work for people who don’t have money.
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Give him what he wants- get a lawyer and be a bull dog for those kids! You and your kids deserve better and he Doesn’t deserve a wife like you. Please have the strength to serve him- do not leave the home- serve him at work- change the locks and file a restraining order so he legally can not come back into the home. Good luck- please keep us updated.
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You’re doing everything correctly (as far as comforting them when they’re scared).Please, please, please think long and hard, make the right choice for your children’s emotional well-being. I was in situations like this as a small child. Now as an adult, I constantly catch myself apologizing for everything even when all is ok. And my life is great. Abuse just stays with you for a long time, even though counseling.
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I have the same problem here. I have two teen ages and two toddlers he does nothing with and doesn’t even like to really help them or be there. Only time he’s ok doing anything for them or with them is on his terms and thats not very often. Personally I wish most the time he would walk out the door n never come back.
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Growing up with a toxic father is traumatizing. He might not be physically abusing his children but he is mentally and most likely verbally. My father is a very hateful man. Such a mean mean person and no child should have to grow up like that. Children are not an inconvenience. Fathers who act like its not their problem and are just in the way of things are the inconvenience. Leave him because there is someone who would love you and your children so much better. My late spouse was such a kind gentle man and such help with the baby. I never had to ask for anything he was amazing to have mutual support in all aspects. Especially coming from a father full of hate a rage I will never ever be with a man like that. He has zero respect for you.
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That sounds like such a toxic environment. I’m sure he loves you guys, but loving someone and caring about them is different . I don’t think I could stay with someone like that, not just for me but for my children as well . They don’t deserve that. As a mama bear I would let the claws out and leave. It gets to a point and it sounds like you are there. The fact they are scared to ask their own father to help them is rather disturbing to be honest . I wish you well and hope you make the right decision and that things look up for you and your babies.
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This mom just said she doesn’t get any help from her husband so maybe that’s the reason the kids aren’t potty trained yet🤦♀️. Mom you need to leave that situation to be a better mom to your kids, our kids can pick up when we are not happy no matter how good we try to hide it. This also says a lot about your husband, what man does it make of him if he can’t spend time with his kids or even help them.
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It’s better you know that now and can get them far away from him before he hurts them. He’s showing you exactly who he is. BELIEVE HIM! Tell him you will not allow him to abuse his own children and make him leave the home. It is your 1st and most important job to protect those babies, even if it’s from their father.
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Why are you allowing this behavior around your kids? This shouldn’t even be a question. HE NEEDS TO GO NOW! No child should EVER have to go through the feelings of not feeling wanted or being an inconvenience etc. Also, why are your children needing to ASK to be changed? It’s take two seconds to take it upon yourself to see if or when they need a change. If you know your husband is worthless when it comes to your children, don’t go to sleep yourself until your kiddos are asleep so they are for sure getting the proper care and love they need. Parenting shouldn’t be one sided when y’all are together. Wooow.
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Leave. Throw the whole dude away and leave. You’re taking care of them on your own now, you don’t need him. That’s so sad.
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Please don’t stay in this relationship because you feel they need a father figure…because sweetie he is NOT a good example of a father figure. We as women and men seem to FORGET that WE ARE OUR CHILDREN’S FIRST EXAMPLES. NO CHILD DESERVES TO FEEL LIKE THEY ARE UNWANTED. It’s time to leave and be happy with just YOU and YOUR BABIES…Show them that YOU are their Mama/Daddy/Protector ALL in One😊
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As a father who loves his kids I can whole heartedly say it’s time to go, kids shouldn’t be seen as a chore, they are something to treasure and love no matter what the situation is, if for nothing else please leave for the kids sake, hes a sperm donor nothing more
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You will always feel this way… wait till they are 13 and 14 and having issues themselves. Wondering if they are worthy and accepting subpar behaviors from other. This is what they will learn. You’ll stay regardless of the commentary of all these folks that have been in your situation and look back on the choices you have made with the " I thought it’d be better for us to stay together " with no regard that they will eventually feel less than. They will be broken and looking to you for advice only to realize you weren’t strong enough to leave the situation. They were better off without Dad… it flipping sucks. Make a decision based off the betterment of your children than the " betterment" of you. You won’t benefit ever and they will lose. They will be broken and you will go through heartache and they will think they deserve it… you’re the example. Be the example! Coming from someone in a 17 year situation that would have potentially benefitted from getting out while they were young. Also,you’ve been worn down on your self worth. It’s been beaten down these past couple years that your asking for advice because you already know better. I pray/hope you fix this before it gets too far. God bless.
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I know this is easier said than done (trust me, I know how hard it is when people say “why don’t you just leave him??”), but please think of your babies.
They look to you as their mother to PROTECT them. Please advocate for them, they have no one to stand up for them but you.
My heart broke for your children when I read this. I just keep looking at my little boy, and it’s making me tear up just thinking about what they’re going through on a daily basis.
I know it’s hard, but you have to get out now, it will only get worse. You and your kids are in my prayers. 
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Time to move on for ur children An their safety pray he gets help only way is to do tough love to have him change he’ll realize what he lost an change for the child case omg how terrible his own children too pray for you I’m sorry ur going thru this
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If he made them with you it’s his job to look after them too. Sounds like you and your kids are doing just fine without his input. Leave.
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Go to counseling I’m just not the one that always says run throw in the towel getting rid of them I mean marriage to me is more about working things out and then after you’ve done everything you can and still not working you got to leave
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As someone who lived with a father exactly like this who made it clear I was hated from the get go: please leave.
Document everything and leave.
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If your kids are scared of him and you are that loving and compassionate of a mother than you already know what you need to do.
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This doesn’t sound healthy for your kids or you! I don’t know if counseling would even help, but it’s worth a shot id you love him. If he refuses or doesn’t change, leave. Those babies are learning from watching you both and it’s going to end up leaving some serious scars on them. They deserve better and so do you.
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This is a horrible situation for everyone to be in- especially your children. Imagine being too afraid to ask your daddy to change your nappy, they chose to lay all night in their own mess rather than ask their father for help. Stay in the house with the kids, tell him to leave.
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I hope things get better for you 
that sounds soo miserable and sad. I will keep you and your babies in my prayers, we all have the right to pursue happiness and if he’s not it, leave.
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If he won’t get help, it needs to be done. Children shouldnt be afraid of their parents…
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If you’re miserable and the kids don’t want to be near him it’s either time for counseling or parting of the way. Kids should be valued and loved not neglected and ignored.
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Sorry you and your babies are going through that. I say leave him. I can’t imagine how your babies feel. You shouldn’t put up with that. Kids need to feel loved and feel happy so they can grow up and be happy adults.
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Divorce. If he didn’t want children he should’ve made it known in the first place
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If it was me I’d leave and wouldn’t put my kids through that.
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I’d be leaving that situation to bring your kids up on your own in a loving environment. It sounds like you are their sole parent anyway so you might as well actually be on your own if he is unwilling to change!
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You sound like a wonderful mom and you’re not doing anything wrong. He doesn’t want his young children comforted when they’re scared? They’re not big kids. He sounds depressed maybe? That’s awful, But you can’t make someone want to be a better father. And 3/4 year olds shouldn’t be afraid to ask they’re father for help with anything. He needs help, maybe needs medication? Therapist? Counseling? If he doesn’t start trying to help fix himself, you need to leave him.
Children should never be fearful of their father. Start stocking money away in a secret account and leave as soon as you can.
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I really don’t understand men that do this, I wish I had answers for you but my father was a good father up until I was 10 years old and then he left us. My husband has his moments, and I do too. Being a parent is a lot of responsibility, it is definitely not easy but we always make our baby feel loved. He may need some fun activities to spend time with them it doesn’t always have to be a chore. I’m sorry your little ones feel this way, please talk to them and always hug them randomly show them some love. My almost 2 year old and I always hug after I change his diaper or change him, I love those few minutes after it feels like he is thanking me for doing that for him.
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I have a feeling this is how my relationship with my fiancé is going to turn out. He doesn’t do anything with our 3 month old daughter. He makes excuses of why he can’t feed her or change her diaper. He never wants to watch her so that I can go do something by myself like go to the store. He gets irritated when she cries. He won’t help me with anything around the house. He only wants to be around when she’s happy and “talking”. He rushes me when I’m at the store while he’s watching her because he claims all she does is scream and cry when I’m gone. Etc etc. I talk to him about it and he automatically gets pissed and starts yelling at me, it always turns into a huge fight even though I’m just asking for a bit of help because I can’t do it all… but I am surely trying so hard too because if he’s going to be like that then I don’t need him.
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Get out asap before he causes any more damage to you and them
No child should be afraid to ask a parent fo anything. Every parent gets stressed and can snap now and then but continually doing so will affect their mental health as they grow. He is meant to love and nurture them now make them scared and feel how he is.
It honestly sounds like the issue is most likely that he feels you baby them and feels like hes not an equal parent and has gotten tired of it. At 3 and 4 they shouldn’t be asking to be changed they should be potty trained. It is not an excuse to treat them that way at all and if yall cant fix this issue then tell him it’s time to go. Or Try counseling. Its okay to be a nurturing parent but you can’t baby them their entire lives.
Your kids health and mental wellbeing come first before anyone. They’re clearly reacting to your husbands neglectful behaviour towards them and its started to have an impact on them. I would get out before his behaviour really does scar them. Men like that are sick in the head and don’t deserve the right to be called “dad”. Men like him rarely change Time to do some serious thinking.
There is no advice to get a man to be a good dad, he has to want to be. So the only thing would be to leave him to be an a$$ alone. Cause how traumatizing for those kids to feel that. So I’d be the best mom I know I am & leave, cause in staying you’re allowing your kids to be raised in this unhealthy environment. Good luck
My heart hurts for you and your kids. You gotta move on with your man. Things are not going to change. Maybe if you leave your man will get help. Good luck!
You and your babies deserve so much better and the way he is treating you guys is emotionally abusive. I’m so sorry but I hope you can find a way to leave him.
“They were too afraid to ask him to change them”
Wow that the most utterly toxic thing I have heard in a while. Imagine growing up with a father who reminded you everyday that you weren’t 
I would rather have an absent father than one who made me feel this way. How awful.
You need to ask him if he is happy in his family life and if he’s not then ask him to leave, tell him he’s making you and your children unhappy and it’s an uncomfortable atmosphere for you as a family and that it’s detrimental to their up bringing, I hope you and your children can be happy once you get rid of him , one happy parent is better than two miserable parents, good luck 
I love being a single parent. The alternative was so much worse. It was the best decision I ever made. But that’s me. I hope things work out for you whatever you choose.
You need to get your children away from him ASAP. You shouldn’t need someone to tell you that, or give you advice on this matter If you love your children they will always come first.
I would ask myself, “What’s the most loving thing to do here? For everyone involved.”
Clearly you have different parenting styles and unfortunately they don’t seem to align.
I would get real clear on whether or not this is the environment I want to raise my children in.
Hope this helps. Sending you hugs.
I am so very sorry that you are going through this Mommy. I know that this is difficult and such an unfair situation all in all.
Best advice I have ever been given is happy and healthy Mommy means happy and healthy children.
Think about what makes you happy, be “selfish” for one second and make the best decision for you. In doing that you will also be making the best decision for your little ones.
I can tell you that I understand what you are going through, it was once upon a time me too. If you need someone to talk to feel free to message me.
Not to be an ass but I would leave him he don’t want help and your already doing stuff on your own so why do you need him please don’t say money because I know for a fact how you sound is your stronger then you think but don’t let nobody come between you and your babies
of course you have to be the loving and caring parent. he sure as shit ain’t being one.
give him an ultimatum. he either gets help for himself and starts helping with the house and kids, or you’re gone. yeah it’s shitty, but this ain’t right at all. no child should have to sleep in a poopy diaper because they’re afraid to ask their dad to change them. that breaks my heart.
Have you talked with him? What does he say!
Personally I would be getting things in order to leave. Him working and not being home is one thing and yeah everyone deserve a break outside the home but his actions are effecting you children - if they are scared or nervous to ask or talk with their dad that would be my sign that I need to leave.
I say leave, he may try to change when he sees that you’re serious, if he does that’s great. He likely will return to his old ways so be cautious. I really would leave, this age is crucial because the kids learn from you and your husband. They are already afraid and feel the tension. It’s better that they be in a happy home with one parent than miserable and learning bad behavior from one of the parents. Do what is best for them no matter how hard it is.
I know you don’t want to hear this but it’s time to leave. Those babies come first and your husband clearly doesn’t want to be a dad, that’s his loss. Tell him to pack his stuff and leave, worry about you and those babies.
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Take a breather. Let him talk. Let him get angry. Don’t let him disrespect you. But tell him to talk to you. Don’t burst out and lash back at him. He’s going to express many feelings. It may even take a week. But if you truly love him, let him talk how he feels he needs to. Men do it for us unknowingly. Once he’s finally broken down. Ask him what’s the action plan. And prepare yourself. Because truth is, maybe he wants out. Completely. Or a break away from everything. Maybe he’s not happy about how you parent. If kids to need to ask to be changed, I think potty training needs to be addressed. Just saying. Could be how he’s feeling.
I got tears reading this. My boyfriend doesn’t accept my son to. He don’t talk to him back or play with him. My son is 2 and always asks me; daddy angry? I cryed a lot about it. He was my true love. But I cannot let this happen to my son. So I’m gonna give him a choice, eather you treat him normal and take care for him to even when it’s not your blood of leave.
Leave him!!! Easier said than done but your babies need you!! Believe me I was in a similar situation for 10 years my children are now 20,19, 17 and 15, I have had nothing but issues with the younger two because of past trauma!! I didn’t leave when I should of.
Ok mama best advice I got you need to take a break or divorce him he needs to figure out what he takes seriously he will either get the help he needs and do better which is not always the case or he will show you how little he cares about it and you will have your answer parenting is not easy but you are going through it too so whatever excuse he has is no good your kids are old enough to really start taking it in if they see you accepting it they will subconsciously normalize being in that relationship or have serious resentment you gotta think only about your kids on this one if you feel like this is a healthy home for them or not being a “family” is a pointless argument when he makes your kiddos feel this way or you a healthy relationship is not 100/0 its 50/50 and that translates to parenting too
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If I were you, I’ll leave. It’s clear that your husband doesn’t want to be a father. Period. No more explanations needed.
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These comments about the kids still being in diapers are ridiculous. Here is a fellow momma literally reaching out to strangers to ask for help and/or advice…and all you can do is put her down for not potty training at the age YOU think is appropriate! And we wonder why so many don’t reach out and suffer in silence until they break. Come on we can do better 
Get out. Toxic. And them poor babies. They need to see momma happy.
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I feel you. I’m miserable too. People say “get out! Just leave !” But they dont realize that for some of us its literally impossible to “just leave” ! Especially those of us with narcissists who’ve isolated us. We have nothing to out name. So we stay because we dont want to lose our kids and have nowhere Togo and no money for a lawyer to fight for the custody we wont win because if we left wed be homeless, broke, jobless amd without transportation.
That’s not healthy for the kids to see the 2 of you like that towards each other.
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Your kids did not ask to be born, it was a decision you guys made, they need love and compassion along with guidance instead of fear of being or doing something wrong…walk away for a while and if he doesnt come running for his family and change to make that happen, keep walking…these children do not deserve this kind of life changing lifestyle…
If you truly love your children, RUN away from this for your children… Toxic relationship for the kids as well as for you! It wont change. Experienced advice
There’s no changing a man like that. In my opinion, you should get out as soon as you can before the damage he’s doing to your babies is irreversible. Document everything (text messages, arguments, etc) and get out. You and your children will be much happier when you do. It’s tough doing it alone, but trust me it can be done. Your babies deserve so much better than that. I’ll be praying for you and your littles. 
No judgment Bc I know each kiddo is different, but
To me if the kids are “afraid” to ask him to change their diapers, than they are ready to be able to use the potty.
Other than that, yes I would leave him if I were you! He seems to selfish of a man!!
I spent 6 years in a relationship like this have 2 children also 3 and 4
And then it hit me
Why the hell would I stay with someone like that!
So got up, got my own place and walked away
Best thing I ever did
And now 2 years on he doesn’t see his kids doesn’t txt, phone or even try and contact them and my life is peacefull
I don’t have to constantly keep begging for his help, for him to be involved for his support I just do it and my kids are better off
The door is always open for him and his children children have a relationship but he just doesnt want to x
It sounds like this relationship is really toxic because of him. And it is affecting your kids too. You and your children deserve so much more than a straight up neglectful prick. He isnt stepping up for his kids or you. He is neglecting them.
RUN! If the kids are scared to ask dad… that’s a huge red flag!!!
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Get out of that situation asap…Do not allow him to be alone with them or change their diapers…they are afraid for a reason…protect your babies at all cost and leave him!!
Time to go mama. Let a man even my husband fight with me about my kids and my parenting style and it’s game over. He should be upset if you show anything other than putting your kids first. You are correct he needs help. You unfortunately cant help him and its to negative of an environment for those kids. You and those babies need to get out. You would be soooo much happier.
He may not be physically abusing those precious babies, but he is mentally abusing them and neglecting them. Sounds like he’s mentally abusing you too. He is toxic. I would get a good divorce attorney & cite his intolerance & temperament toward the children the main focus, since they’re likely to give him supervised visitations, if he even wants them. I’d start recording his antics & how he acts toward those children. This will hopefully convince the court that he doesn’t need to be alone with them. Please get away or have him move out. Your sweet kids will have a traumatic childhood if this situation continues.
Honestly the best thing for those babies and yourself is to leave, the longer you stay the worse it will get and not to mention your teaching them that this is a normal ok relationship and it’s not, as they grow up they will think that it is ok if their relationship is going the same way cause that’s how they grew up and it’s not right for them or you to put up with it, you can do better on your own and I’m sure you will find a much better man to step up and take care of you and them the right way, good luck with your decision
PS: I know from personal experience, unfortunately for me my youngest ended up in the same type of relationship I had with her father.
Poor babies shouldn’t be afraid to ask to get there nappies changed. That’s kinda alarming I would say. Like, why are they scared? Is anything happening while ur not home?. I say, get help asap or get out.
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Something’s very wrong here whenever someone is in a marriage & the significant other acts like a child or busy living the single life. Marriage isn’t 50/50. It’s 100% unity & teamwork. Too often there’s this misconception that women takes care of the house & children when men needs to partake too. There’s just something to be said about 2 parents households that has a positive impact on kids more so than single parent home. You can give him opportunities to correct himself but he sounds selfish, shallow & should not be in a relationship until he’s mature. Kids will always remember who was there for them & who was the absent parent. Tge biggest lie ever told is that blood makes you family when it only makes you relate. You deserve a partner & NOT a child or someone who gives what’s left over to his family. He should be caring & devoted just as you are. Sorry if this isn’t what you wanted to hear. Don’t wait around hoping he’ll change. His priorities doesn’t sound w/you or his children.
You need to do what is best for the children and leave him. He might not come around anymore but I will tell you right now your children are better off. Keep a record of things he does because when you go to court they need to see he isn’t fit to have them over night. Please save your children from this abuse and unloving situation.
Once it starts affecting my kids then I’d be gone. It’s bad enough treating your wife this way but when your kids are scared to ask their dad to do the bare minimum as a parent then I’d be done 
Get your kids and get out. Communicate through email and text so if it does come to a divorce and custody fight you have your bases covered (be very civil when you email/text him.
Get away from him. The kids are already suffering and that’s not fair. They are already feeling what “abandonment” & “rejection” from their own father is. And that will cause way more harm than you could imagine.
This honestly breaks my heart to read and think about your kids. Please get out of this situation ASAP - you don’t want their kids growing up feeling scared, unloved, or like a burden because you stayed in this relationship.
Do you feel strong enough to leave him, ask him to leave, maybe with help. Will your family help you, do they know about this? If you feel you need advice go to the citizens advice centre or a solicitor, you get half an hour free there…
Sounds like its a terrible environment for the children. Your not happy, find help and get them out.
He’s a failure as a husband/partner AND a parent from what you described. Your 3 and 4 year olds being afraid of their dad is awful. Truly hope you read each and every comment, and it provides needed strength to proceed forward for a better life for you and your children Hoping you have family or a network of close friends for emotional support.
I would stay and enjoy it. He sounds like a great guy. just imagine what a wonderful life u will have together. if a kid can tell u to change their diaper they can tell u when they have to pee.
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Running away or getting a place of your own is a hard decision to make. It even might be impossible for the time being depending on your situation. Take time decide well ask for help from most close people if needed. But he’s not worth keeping in your life as a partner. Maybe talk to him about a divorce to see if he changes his behaviour or u might get to know if that’s what he have been wanting all along.
place no one above my babies what you need to do is leave him why mentally damage your kids staying with a person who clearly don’t want them. You’re just damaging them by staying with him.
Leave!! Leave now!! The damage to the kids is not worth staying. In the end it will hurt them more of you stay.
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He is abusing you and those children. Choose the betterment of your children and leave!!! I’m sorry. It’s not easy, but the next time you see your child cower for such a simple thing as not having poop on them, just know it won’t ever get better and will most definitely, without a doubt, get worse!
He is not a good father, your kids will grow up with bad impression to their father and its not good, you better leave and have your own life with your kids, dont wait 'til time comes you will have another baby and the same treatment
For everyone who has said something about the diapers
Those babies are in a toxic abusive relationship at its worse for them! Imagine the hell the are going through!
Kids that are much older starts peeing the bed having accidents when abuse starts or worsens
So……. Shut up
As for the momma please start planning a exit get your ducks in a row and leave
Take if from someone that grew in this environment and having to recover from your childhood is the worst kind of pain