My birthday is today. I am going to go eat with my mom dad, aunt, sister, BIL and my 2 nephew. And my daughter of course. Well my husband is also going. That’s awesome. Yay. My husband invited my father in law without even telling me…my father in law hasn’t seen my parents in 4 years. Doesn’t talk to them or anything. He’s the type to go on about his problems, make awkward jokes, and just be kinda idk out there? I really just wanted it to be me and my family and then do something separate for my husbands family since that is what we’ve done in the past. It really bothers me that he just invited his dad to come along the DAY OF. And didn’t even ask me. Just said “dads coming”. But I know if I say no then I am a b**** and I know for a fact my husband won’t go even if it’s my birthday. Is it wrong for me to feel this way? I just don’t want to make either side uncomfortable. I’ve always had mixed feelings about my FIL. Mostly just with how he acts. But I know I’ll have to suck it up and just get through it just so that my husband will go…
Sounds like he just wants to be part of your day. I think that’s awesome. Let it go and have fun!
Sounds like there is a communication issue between you 2. Maybe let him know how you feel be open… it’s your bday your special day so you should have whatever makes you happy and your hubby should understand that…
I get it. My MIL is also awkward AF. However, my MIL doesn’t acknowledge my bday. Our eldest son just celebrated his bday couple weeks ago and she didn’t acknowledge his bday either. So I would say let him go, at least he wants to celebrate you!
It’s your bday, your choice. If it were me, I’d tell husband to go take his dad for a meal and I’d go with my kid and family. Since he wants to just invite his dad, he could go take his dad.
Just make the best of the situation … be positive and who knows … you all leave there … happy and bonded to FIL
Beat him to the awkward jokes and blast your hubby every chance you get, and push through!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Just go and enjoy your birthday dinner. There is reason he invited his dad, so have fun.
If your husband invited his dad perhaps that is because he wants him to see how lovely you are. He wants to make him feel included in this incredible family he has created. Go. Celebrate your birthday and enjoy it. Feel good about knowing you are making the day brighter for others. That alone is a birthday gift.
… I think you’re overthinking. Everybody wants to be there to enjoy your birthday supper just let them? You can’t control how somebody acts or how other people feel?
What about his mom…maybe he is alone now and your hubby just wanted to get him out of the house. I lost my FIL last year and I felt the same way about him as you do until he passed. That still hits me harder than I ever thought 
cherish the little bit of time you can spend with him
Ive seen this from both sides of the fence. Sometimes the harder we try to keep someone out of our lives the more awkward it turns out. Marriage is about blending 2 families together and making the best out of it. You are Not responsible for someones actions. If hes embarrassing himself, just say sonething like, Well you all Know Dad! Or Smile and say…and Heres Daddy! Love’em while you have them, because they won’t be around forever!
I would just accept that he’s going and enjoy your meal. Then after, privately have a conversation with your husband about talking to you first about inviting him next time. He is family after all…just my opinion.
Happy Birthday run…fast and far
At least he wants to be a part of ur day. Be grateful
He did the right thing. Sounds like you want to keep the families seperated.
Ok so communication is best, but also parents don’t have a lot of time left on this earth unless they are toxic as hell give him a chance. You could always have time with your relatives when you want. Maybe his dad is feeling left out or not included you don’t know maybe he is depressed about something and just needs that company to keep on seeing the light at the end of the tunnel? Just think about it
Give the man a chance. How about be an adult and tell him you’d like a nice dinner with the family (including him) but to refrain from inappropriate behavior.
Wow…! Family is family until did something to make them not family. Sometimes people want to feel like they are the life of the party because that’s how they feel loved. I wish to god my father in law was still with us.
I am going against the majority. Not everyone has a dad or father-in-law they want to be close to. I get it and understand that completely. My dad was horrendous.
Talk to your husband first if you can/will. Tell him the truth that his dad makes you uncomfortable with his language and behaviors. Ask if you could celebrate YOUR birthday on YOUR birthday with those closest to you. Sound as sincere as you can and be honest. If your husband does not go then he puts his dad over your feelings and you may need to re-evaluate your life. Good luck.
Sounds like you already answered your own question
I feel like your family shouldn’t mean more than his . his dad has every right to be there
It does seem as though you are being sarcastic with “That’s Awesome. Yay”. If I’m correct in that assumption, then I’m guessing you really just wanted (for whatever reason…your choice) to celebrate your birthday with your family. I say this also because your BIL is technically your side of the family because he is your sister’s husband, not your husband’s brother. That being said, IF this is the case, you would have been better off just communicating this to your husband. I’m sure he would have understood, especially if you were planning something special for just the two of you or for you and his family, also. I personally don’t think your husband was being malicious. I think it’s possible he heard you when you said you wanted to plan a birthday dinner, he happened to talk to his dad that day and perhaps mentioned it and, then maybe the dad asked he if he could come, so your husband said “yes” on the spot, simple as that. At this point, I would just go and enjoy your birthday dinner with your FIL present and communicate your wishes for future events moving forward. I hope a different perspective helps and that you have a happy birthday.
This is just marriage. It isn’t just a piece of paper and a tax incentive.
Don’t let that spoil your birthday
I would be more concerned about your husband’s attitude and behavior. The Birthday Party is the least of your problems. After it’s over/passed, you should fo some reflecting on your choice of husband…
Suck it up for one day. I have family that don’t get along and they are civil for the occasion
The more the merrier. Why not
Never miss a chance to make memories my daddy is gone and I would give anything to spend time with him again no matter how he acted happy birthday
He should have asked you Period! It’s YOUR birthday! It’s just respect!
Just roll with it and have a drink.
Not worth having a disagreement with husband, it’s a awkward night.
But more awkward for days with the husband
Similar thing going on in my family right now. There is a person that has betrayed me and I never intend to be around them again. It will definitely split up family events .
I mean it’s common and usually expected for families to combine when a couple gets married. It doesn’t sound like his dad is really doing anything problematic. I think it would be wise and kind to give him a chance. You don’t have to spend all of your time with his dad, but I think it would be beneficial to your marriage to at least try to be cordial and include him in things. If you feel like you didn’t really enjoy the dinner afterwards, then you could always do another get together with just people of your choosing, since you usually do two anyway. Have you asked your husband why he invited him this time, rather than doing it separately? Maybe his dad has been lonely or feeling left out.
Get over it. Sit at the opposite end of the table. You’ll be fine.
its your birthday, just enjoy,he is family too
He should be there and you should be happy he’s there’s one day he won’t be able to be there
It’s the whole “Well my husband is also coming. That’s awesome. Yay.” Like doesn’t even sound like you want your own husband there and I’m taking that as sarcasm.
Have you ever spoken to him about his dad? This just sounds petty, to me. We have functions we invite both sides, they can either love or hate each other but the memories count.
If this is the biggest of your problems your lucky, you mentioned his dad what about his mum is his mum not here anymore maybe he just didn’t want to have his dad on his own but when you married your husband he decided to be part of his family weather you like it or not let him come to celebrate your birthday
You darn should be a little more grateful.thats alot of people to celebrate you.
Let it go. Tell your family to change the subject if he says something off. Then enjoy your birthday and don’t worry about it. And definitely do not say even one thing to your hubby about it. That’s his father.
Tell your husband how you feel, if he insists or tells you he won’t be going either then so be it, have a great time with your family. Sounds like your husband has no consideration for you at all. All the nasty comments are non of your business as others can be not nice also. Happy Birthday.
sounds like he makes you uncomfortable and you have every right to spend your birthday how YOU want to… if it’s known that you didn’t want him to be around on your day and your husband didn’t take that into consideration, i would also be upset. i don’t think all the hate comments you are getting is right. it’s your day, it should be spent how you want.
Tell him no and to fix the situation with his dad. It’s your birthday not his
Omg I wish my husband would even have a happy birthday dinner for me…
Seems petty. Pick your battles, not worth a fight. I understand not being asked, but it sounds like he was talking to his dad and invited him out of guilt, seeing as so many family members were included, it seemed rude to exclude 1 person.
I have been married 22 years my parents have never met his parents but if the opportunity came up, sure! Everyone is weird and awkward in their own way that’s what makes them who they are.
Maybe that is why he did not tell you. You need to be patient and see if it is different this time
What if it was a surprise birthday dinner and he was invited and agreed to celebrate your birthday? Would you still be grumpy or appreciative for the thought?
Learn to roll with it. It’s not worth an argument.
Wow reading some of these comments makes me very thankful that our family is as crazy as it gets sometimes and we all know and accept it. Myself coming from a family of 10 sibblings. The In laws, out laws, cousin, steps, X’s and O’s. Ours is one huge blended family, everyone is welcome. We have a diverse aray of family styles and ways of living life. We’ve been neighbors, lived in the same town or moved states away, but we remain FAMILY. The main thing is, We try to love and support one another. We all try to get together as much as possible,most of our elderly parents and grandparents are gone now so we do it for our children and grandchildren. I was the only person in my family to get a 5 generation photo, just 6 months before my grandma passed away. It was awesome getting 5 generations of family together for something other than a funeral. Be Thankful everyone wants to celerbrate with you on your birthday. 
THATS your biggest problem in life 
How would you feel if it was the other way around? How would you feel if you invited your mom or dad to come with you to celebrate your husband’s birthday and your husband tells you he doesn’t want them there? I would feel like 
if my husband did that. Never in a million years would I be upset unless his dad did something to offend me and I let my husband know but in this case it doesn’t sound like it.
If your FIL can’t behave he can stay home. If your husband can’t understand that then he can also stay home. It’s your birthday not his. It won’t be a happy occasion for you if you’re on edge all evening. He shouldn’t expect you to walk on eggshells. If he can’t speak to his dad about his behavior then let them stay home. Enjoy your family on your birthday.
Oh woopdee doo… So he has a fun goofy maybe a little warped kind of personality, He may just bring some fun to the table it sounds like to me😆
Wow you’re an adult and instead of talking to your husband and letting him know you will just stomp your feet like a 2 year old? Grow up maybe your husband wants his dad there since you seem to think you and your family are too good for his family. Hopefully if you tell your husband you don’t want his dad to go then they both won’t go because you sound childish and petty. Happy 10th birthday by the sounds of it😂
you should stay home from the birthday dinner since it bothers you so much. The fact that people like you exist is insane.
He’s family. I think you’re overreacting.
Sounds like it’s time to act like an adult 
So if doing things with each side of the family separately has been the norm then why did your husband do that?
After the fact I would discuss with your husband why this happened. Maybe come to an agreement on how things should be going forward.
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable however, maybe your husband was in a spot where the cat came out of the bag about dinner and then dad semi-invited himself?
The whole, “surprise my dad is coming” isn’t cool if there’s an acknowledged understanding by your husband of the awkwardness you feel with FIL’e behaviors.
And why wouldn’t FIL feel more comfortable with his own side of the family?
Sadly not all family’s co-mingle comfortably.
Your birthday your rules!
You shouldnt be married then…
Imean you dont even sound happy , when you said your husband is going.
Divorce so you can do anything as you please with no ones family but yours.
Just let him and his dad talk and keep your convos w your family … That is annoying tho
I read it as her husband won’t go unless his father goes also. Which is problematic. But do none of you go out for a birthday dinner? I’m surprised at some of these comments.
Your parents are adults. They need to suck it up and deal with other adults that are different. If YOU get along with your FIL then they can fend for themselves. Don’t apologize for him either. He’s a grown man and can do that for himself. Enjoy your birthday and the fact you have family wanting to share it with you.
Is it just me but I like hanging out with awkward unique people. Does your family dislike him also or is it just you? Maybe you should give him a chance. He might act weird because he knows you don’t care for him.
You get one life ! You’ll miss that man when he’s gone !
You sound like a horrible person!
I would be telling him it is a birthday dinner with “your” family. I would not invite my family to a birthday dinner for my husband’s birthday with his family. Just strange to me! We’ve never done it like that in 24 yrs of marriage. It would be different if it were a “party” for maybe a milestone birthday but “dinner” no, we do it separate!
Hey now in my book when I married my husband I understand those are people he loves and they love him. Just let him come
Sounds like you just don’t like his dad. I was with my ex mother in law this past weekend (I’ve been divorced from her son for 23 years now) I hadn’t seen or talked to her in 6 years (last time was 2017 when my youngest son graduated from high school) I really don’t like her but guess what I tolerate her why cause she’s my boys grandma (she loves both of them dearly) my youngest son bought a house & had a house warming party. We talked all afternoon. I do it for my kids cause they love her and I’m a grown up & some things you don’t really like you just have to let them slide sometimes & be the bigger person.
As a mother of just sons, we always get left out. It’s the girls family that always comes first. Have you tried to include him in family events through the years. Is he living alone? Maybe he’s lonely and only knows talking about himself because of lack of companionship and doesn’t know what else to talk about.
I mean yea maybe he should have told you he was inviting him since it’s your birthday, but I do think you are over reacting. You guys are married so he is your family too. I think it’s kind of sad you were just going to leave him out. You are his daughter n law and I am sure he loves you. Sounds kinda petty and selfish to me.
Pick and choose your battles
His dad won’t be around forever so let him be around now trust me I know
Sounds like FIL might be autistic.
for everyone saying she’s wrong…have u had to deal with family or in laws who are selfish, constantly steal other people’s shine, cause unnecessary drama bc the event isn’t focused on THEM, or just simply don’t know how to act? it’s HER bday. if people can’t be courteous and civil…NO they shouldn’t be included.
if she was just being petty, I’d totally get it. she sounds justified here tho.
Shoo I was getting worried for a second bc everyone was saying you’re wrong. You’re totally justified! It’s your birthday and you want the environment to be a certain way and I totally get that! He should have asked and he should also be okay with you saying no, that’s not the type of birthday dinner you were looking for.
Let your father-in-law be responsible for his own actions let him say what he likes or be quiet if you likes You are only responsible for the way you react and your parents or family are responsible for the way they act I wouldn’t worry about it.
On your husbands birthday does your family celebrate with him?
What if this year you did a blended birthday dinner with both families. To have something special with your family alone you could do a themed movie night like a pajama theme. get small boxes to put drinks and snacks in, instead of watching the movie on the couch you could make one big pallet on the floor with blankets and pillows, etc… This way it not only gives you real quality time with your family, but it also gives you an awesome memory to keep and a nostalgic night. Whatever you do have fun and don’t stress it, you can always make the hubby sleep on the couch later.
People take birthdays way too seriously. If your special day is worth causing a rift it’s time to look in the mirror and reassess things.
I’m mixed on this. If it was drama ya I wouldn’t want it. Maybe bring up to your husband about asking next time, or tell him to talk to his dad about not doing weird things maybe? Your husband prolly wasn’t thinking it would be a big deal. Communication between you and him need to be better.
Yup, just suck it and get through it~ it’s called kindness. It doesn’t cost anything other than being an adult with some compassion.
Honestly the problem doesn’t even seem to be your FIL but you and your husband.
You can’t communicate your feelings and he apparently can’t control his if he’s going to literally throw a fit. You’re both acting childish over literally a dinner with family.
It’s hard to believe you’re married and this post isn’t made by a teenager.
You really sound like a selfish person! My husband and I have been married 35 years i loved his parents as much as he loved mine! Open your eyes princess your not 5 amymore! He is your FIL and apparentley he accepted the invitation to celebrate you. Would it kill you to put your feelings aside. I would give anything if my parents and my in-laws were here to celebrate special occassions with me but they are not, but i also have no regrets because they were always included.
I mean you do kind of sound like the b***. Ur married. That’d break my heart that because I was “out there” my presence wasn’t welcome. But ur inviting the BIL too? Disrespectful
I think it’s weird that your husband wouldn’t go to YOUR event regardless of what the situation is.
Secondly, if your father in law is kinda weird, chances are everyone already knows that and just shrugs it off.
I think everyone has “that one” person in their family who can be obnoxious or weird or whatever and people just let it go. Lol.
However— if he makes you feel that bad, you probably need to have a more serious conversation with your husband. If it were me, I’d let it slide this time and still enjoy myself bc I’m not about to be worrying about anyone else and what people feel about ~that~ person.
Afterwards, I’d talk to my husband and be like “dude I know you’re aware of how obnoxious and annoying your dad can be. And I don’t want him being that way on a day that’s supposed to be for me. So don’t do this again, bruh”.
Why make an issue. It’s not a big deal.
Yep your wrong your family can come but his can’t if I was your husband and you did this to me I let you go by yourself with YOUR FAMILY
Unbelievable…is this a joke?
Unless he’s done something offensive I’d allow him to come. You married into the family. You are one.
I’m kind of shocked with some of these comments. Yes you are married, both of y’all’s families are now in laws…extended family. It’s awesome if all family members from both sides get along, but it’s not always this way. When 2 people marry they are leaving the family unit that they grew up in to create a family of their own. It’s ok to not want family from both sides included in things all together, different personalities don’t always mix well. It is your birthday dinner, and it’s completely ok to not want it to be uncomfortable and awkward for anyone. You are allowed to feel the way you feel. My concern is that you said if you voiced your thoughts and concerns to your husband that he will not come to your birthday dinner. So it seems you push your feelings and thoughts down to appease your husband. If you aren’t allowed to feel the way you feel or have a different opinion without it causing a huge fight, that’s kind of concerning. Don’t ever be afraid to have your own feelings just so your spouse won’t get mad. My ex mother in law was not someone I would ever invite to a dinner with my family, it just wasn’t a good situation. But my father in law and brother in law were always more than welcome.
Looks like your husband is kinda, sorta black mailing you. Maybe he doesn’t want to go. Maybe he doesn’t want to be around your family, so by inviting his dad he has a way out, if you complain. So by not saying anything and trying to enjoy your night, may teach your husband a lesson. You can change the subject if you’re FIL gets carried away.
Your day, your choice and you’re not wrong for your feelings either! Ignore the crazies in here 
Sooo I stopped a couple sentences in.
Your being ridiculous. I felt bad at the beginning thinking it was just private. Then you go and basically invite everyone but your inlaws 
This is a tough one. No one has enough insight to your family dynamic to give a proper opinion. Me personally, I love having our families come together as one. In fact they all just threw me a surprise birthday party. However, I also understand some family members can be extremely toxic & your feelings are probably valid. I think you should just have a respectful and calm conversation with your husband. Let him know that next time you’d just appreciate it if he speaks with you (vise versa) before inviting anyone. The biggest red flag I see here is that your husband would abandon your bday dinner over this.
So he will call you names and not go. Are you sure you need a husband like that. I can’t stand name calling or guilt tripping, that is just immature,controlling and petty behavior
You acting weird af, but that man can’t? Girl sit down 
You sound so shallow it’s repulsive
Oh, get over yourself!! Let petty crap go!!! You, can’t change anyone!! You can be tolerat, kind or you can be the biggest problem in the room!!! Respect your husband and his dad! Not one of us are the same! All of us unique!! So the choice is yours!! Be kind for 2 hours or be the jackass, because its all about you!!
Your husband is disrespectful. Sounds like you’d have a nicer time if neither of them went.
I don’t get the part about practically having to force her husband to go to her birthday. What’s that about? I think there’s way more to this than what’s being said.