I am married for eight years, and I have two kids (5 years old and eight months) I am a housewife and my husband works two jobs seven days a week with no days off (his choice). I have no friends or family members. I am originally from another country. My problem is my husband is a very angry man; he can’t control himself, he yells at me and gets mad for any stupid reason. He curses all the time in front of our kids when I tell him to watch his mouth and not use the f word he gets even angrier and curses more. Anything can piss him off if food is not ready on time if the house is messy or toys are on the floor if he asked me to do something, and I forget to do it. He’s verbally abusive, and Life is turning into hell with him. He’s like that since I married him. I want to leave him, but as I said, I have nowhere to go. I don’t have a job or an American degree. I lived in the USA for eight years and worked one time as a cashier for seven months. He’s a great father, and he loves his kids to death but he’s very harsh on me because he knows I can’t do anything about it and have nowhere to go. Any advice or suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
He agrees to counseling and changes or leave. It only gets worse
Go to social services or a shelter for abused women. They will guide you and help you to get a life for yourself and your kids so you don’t have to continue this lifestyle. Put p me foot in front of the other and get safe.
He sounds like a control freak. He isn’t a good father if he is verbally and emotionally abusing their mother. It will never get better and you will lose yourself. Find help there alot of decent men out there that know how to treat a women. Don’t settle. You live in America now.
Get out while you can. Contact womens aid or sdas .
You can’t change him unless he wants to. Therapy would be great… if he would agree! Is there anyone, a male friend of his, that he would listen to?
Call legal aid. They can give you advice on where to go to get help if you want to leave him.
Unfortunately it sounds like you are his punching bag which is NOT ok. You and your kids deserve better. You have so much life ahead of you and you dont need your kids seeing their father belittling their mother. That is NOT healthy. I know you have nothing but better to leave with nothing than be verbally abused every single day. Do the right thing and leave! It will only get worse trust me. He will only change if he wants to. He knows he can get away with this cause you stay. Put your foot down and leave! 
Wow not good leave him
He is teaching your children how a man should act and they will learn his behavior. It will only get worse. You are in an abusive relationship. I pray you get help. Go to a women’s shelter or a local church for help.
Start planning and saving secret money for your escape and do not let him know. It likely will become physical in time.
Please leave now. There are a lot of resources available no matter where you are, please don’t wait.
Does he drink alcohol?
Choose yourself and your kids over that bs because it won’t get better, it will only get worse. Secretly contact social services and find out what do you have to do to get your own place. You’ll probably be able stay where you are and he could move out and pay you alimony and child support. This is America, exercise your rights.
Call social or family services and ask for some guidance on what is available in your area. I would recommend counseling also, regardless if you stay or not. No one deserves to be verbally abused PERIOD. He can only treat you the way you allow him to. Don’t put up with that shit.
He has unresolved issues… needs help asap !
Maybe he just needs a break you said so yourself 2 jobs seven days a week cut the guy some slack and maybe try to make a better day for him… sounds like he has alot on his shoulders instead of complaining to women who are gonna say leave him. Try to find out what’s wrong. Spend some time with him… do something for him since he does so much for you… wouldn’t you be upset working all the time no you time no family time. It can pile up so much weight on his shoulders… be a good woman and do something to show some appreciation
Yeah… leave…
there’s help out there…
stop making excuses to stay
Many women leave with nothing…
It’s a risk you have to be willing to take
He’s not a good father at all if he will treat the mother of his children this way. He’s actually being a terrible father and it sounds like he could potentially be dangerous to you and the kids.
There are domestic shelters and other resources. He knows your vulnerable and totally dependant on him and he’s taking advantage. Surely, you want what’s best for the kids. But the environment is toxic AND it could potentially get worse. For now start documenting everything. Record conversations. Him having a tantrum. Get a paper trail going…
This a sad way to live. You dont deserve that. He needs to change or you do. By you i mean, change your way of thinking you deserve better 
Start looking for a job now. He’s not going to change. At least try to make yourself busy.
Question… why have a 2nd child? Cmon
I think you should get a job and put the kids in daycare part time and save money. Plan secretly. May take you 6 months or a year but he’s not a good father if he allows his kids to see that. He doesn’t care and you need to be happy in the short life we get. You may have to leave to a different type of life but he will have to pay child support so you will get help. Making that first step is the hardest. You got this.
(Written by Jeff Brown
Author of Grounded Spirituality) …
I grew up in a broken home, but not because my parents divorced, it was broken long before, when the Love turned to Hate. When they finally divorced, there was actually more room to breathe. All the energy that went into managing the breaks could be channelled into healing.
It’s time we reframed the shaming term “broken home” - its riddled with assumption and judgement, and it neglects the fact that many single parents held their family together beautifully, and that many seemingly intact families are deeply broken. Because a Home is not broken when parents separate or divorce, a Home is broken when there is an absence of love - if there is Love, nothing is broken, …
This quote changed my life, read it and read it again, I left at 50, after a 22 year old marriage, everything will be alright … I promise girl !!
The fact that you say " for any stupid reason" is very telling. Maybe its not about the food or anything else that he is going off at you about. Have you tried talking with him? Have you tried marraige counselling? I find that most times if someone is shouting, its because they are not feeling heard. Has he always treated you this way? If so, more fool you for marrying him and having children with him. If he has changed into this aggressive person since marrying him, you need to find out why and help the situation as best you can as his wife. I would however give it a time limit for him to stop the abuse and if it doesn’t stop, with your help as his wife, I would leave for the sake of the children.
You really should consider leaving him and don’t listen to Amber Nicole Abel. Like you’re not a good woman! I can’t imagine what is like to have a 5 year old and 8 year old he should understand that (I don’t have kids). You may forget things, a house isn’t going to be perfect with young children like that which could cause late meals.
Are you ready to take to your children to a shelter and leave? If you go to a shelter, which would have resources on how to start legal proceedings for divorce and custody.
If you know telling him to watch his mouth will cause him to curse more let it go for now. Tell the 5 year old that isn’t how he should talk.
Your husband has no respect for you. And you deserve respect…yes you!!!
Look up and research the traits of Narccisstic Personality Disorder.
Sounds like abuse… it won’t be easy but you have to get out of it.
A good father makes his kids mom happy
Honey listen to everyone to go get help. There are people out there that will help and do everything they can to keep you & your children safe. They help with job training and placement. Get on the phone girl. Start calling!
He is really abusing his kids too. Not a good father. He’s teaching them that this is normal. Or that’s what they will learn. My sister’s husband is an Ass, I visited her with my daughter. I had to explain to her that people who say they love you will not treat you like this.
Look for a shelter close to you
You have to leave before you or your children are hurt or worse
I could be wrong, though I feel the mental abuse (which is hell in itself) will surely turn physical. I’ve been in relationships where it was ‘perfect’ in the beginning. Then comes the verbal bashing, followed by many apologies and more head games (I can’t live without you, I won’t live without you, I’ll change… The famous ‘try to leave, see what happens’) I used to think I’d rather have bruises, broken bones and scars. Then I got my ‘wish’… Trust me, no abuse is ok, ever. I now have more broken bones and hearts than I’ve ever imagined. I’ve healed incorrectly for not going to a Dr to have bones reset or adjusted. I only once went to the hospital ER for a fractured chest plate (shattered w 1 hit, like a spider web as it was put to me) and was asked over and over who did it to me. I swore I fell… They knew better… I’ve had several injuries since then. My face is still uneven from my eyesocket being shattered (again the infamous 1 hit). Too many to count. I may have given up hope for myself, though I still want better for others, for anyone dealing with abuse. You and your kids deserve so much more! Please believe me when I say it will get worse. Please get out. You have a phone or internet access, there IS help out there. I see comments on here suggesting contacting social services. Great idea! There are women’s shelters out there to help battered women. When my kids were small (just me and the dog now in the house w husband #2) I SLOWLY gathered our legal documents, placed a couple of outfits and other things we’d need into the trunk of my car over a period of a few days, little by little. Then took the kids ‘to the park’ aka, women’s shelter as the x husband was home. If yours works 7 days a week you have some time to gather you & the kids belongings. Just because he hasn’t hit you YET does not mean you aren’t battered. The emotional aspect is just as bad as the physical part of abuse but, I can’t stress enough, it WILL get worse! I know what I go through (just isn’t in me to try anymore) and it kills me to think of anyone else having to live this way. For yourself and your little ones, you can do this!! I hope to hear an updated version of your story soon… One with a happy ending
Yes u can do something about it. Must get with a women’s shelter n do diligent research as to your rights. You have rights. You can get asylum on the basis of domestic violence.
Not making excuses for people with anger issues like that but my dad is similar to this and it turns out he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and part of the anger was from going undiagnosed for 5 years prior, he still gets angry but not as bad as before he was diagnosed, so maybe it’s something to think about that he could possibly have an undiagnosed medical condition, or his just an asshole 
Get ahold of a domestic violence shelter. They can help u. U need to get out tho. I know it wont b easy. I was in an abusive marriage so i know how it is. Best of luck to u
You have rights! Go to a women’s shelter. Take your kids!!! They will help you with all of the legal stuff. Tell them how he acts; just like you said here.
Please leave while your children are young. There are alot of resources out there. You can start by calling human services or salvation army. Please have faith and let God help you find direction. Peace and love🌹
And now you’re sons will be just like him if you don’t leave. Now
No one deserves to be treated that way! He isn’t a good/great father. If he was…he wouldn’t rage and disrespect their mother in front of them. Take your kids and go to a shelter. They will help you
You always have a place to go and you can get a job doesnt matter if you have had no experience and if you call your welfare office you can get set up on foodtsamps apply for housing and get the kids medical taken care of and in some states even your own. If you start showing signs that you are gonna be independent I’d be hard press to think his attitude wont change. You can do this
He needs anger management classes. You both need marriage co
Works 2 jobs 7 days a week and no downtime. Not a good idea!
The scary thing is you dont know what’s out there what lies ahead of you fear of the unknown this is all very. Natural however where u are right.now is not natural for you or your children. Please call your nearest.womens shelter speak with them they will guide u.in the right direction. Leaving.is never easy.but once u do you’ll feel.it it was the.best.choice you made think responsibility staying with him isint. Your strong you can do it.take care and good luck
Legal aid. Work pro bono. You will get help
Don’t be afraid. Ask for help. I did it and you can to.
Is this site real pretty sad ppl have to come vent here no offence
There are alot of places you can go .if you lived near by I can give you a few places they would come pick you up and take you and the the kids to a safe place but I’m sure your town has places you can call while he is at work .
He’s exhausted! Working 7 days a week by choice? I think not. Bills have to be paid somehow. He needs a break… In fact probably shouldn’t be working so much. If i was working that much, i would even get mad at the floor for tripping me for crying out loud.
A great father would love and respect the mother of his children… He is teaching them that you have no value. And they r watching. They are also learning, how a wife can expect to be treated by a husband.
Nobody’s doing autopsies right now. Bump him off and say he had symptoms.
On a more serious note: run and don’t look back. This is abuse. He’s choosing to be angry with you and only you. If he’s genuinely an angry person, he’ll be like it with everyone. You are teaching your kids that taking abuse is normal. Don’t be that kind of mother.
Find a women’s shelter. Im staying in one. Get out fast he will never change
That’s not a good dad. Period. A good father respects the mother of his children.
RUN AWAY and take the kids!!!
Yes a women’s shelter will help you thru the whole process of leaving, restraining order. Place to stay and anything you need.
There are women shelters that are available at no cost. Check them out…
Sounds like he has a personality disorder, he needs to seek medical help asap. Know your worth and protect your children!!
Get out now no man should be that way he is a boy get to a shelter and start a new life. Abuse is abuse verbally or fisically. I’ve delt with both and getting out is the best thing you can do for you and your children.
It’s always verbal, until it’s not. Don’t wait for that.
Don’t set the wrong example for your kids. You are teaching them that it’s okay to treat people like that
If he treats you like that it makes him a horrible dad because he disrespectects his children’s mother.
There are shelters, contact the state aid office and request help to leave an abusive relationship.
If ya can’t leave now start preparing .
Start getting a little cash when shopping alone, stashing important papers and special mementos, elsewear if possible but realy well if anywear at home.
There is also an abuse hotline you can call and request any resources available.
Safety Alert: Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you are afraid your internet usage might be monitored, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224. Users of web browser Microsoft Edge will be redirected to Google when clicking the “X” or “Escape” button
Sit down tell him the more he curses at you the more hes making you to begin to resent tell him if he cant be more respectful of you then you will move out taking the children .he has to see what this is doing to your relationship hes the one destroying it not you .if hes at all violent then find somewhere safe for you and your children to go to .otherwise your children will grow up thinking this is how women are treated xx good luck whatever you decide bit dont go on like this for yrs love
Get out. When he just leaves for work. Pack what you can and take the kids and go. Go to social services and ask for a women’s shelter. Tell them you need help getting on your feet.
That’s not a good dad a good dad/man respects the mother of his children. I’m sure it is very hard on you to be so far away from the people you know but it sounds like an abusive relationship and for your and your babies sake you need to leave
I’d locate the local woman’s shelter they often have legal advocates as well…
What if he is feeling overwhelmed? Yes that’s no excuse to treat you like that too but I would suggest talk to him about how you feel and give him an opportunity to open up to you…
That is so hard to deal with. And I agree with everyone it’s verbal abuse until it’s not. It will lead to physical abuse and the kids will see it. Find a woman’s shelter. I don’t know what state your in but you can call the welfare office and they can help you as well with money and food for you and the kids. Your better off leaving as soon as you can. It will get worse. If your married too file a divorce and if you have to get a restraining order because abusers will find you and will torture you. I know what it feels like. Start a new life get rid of the abuser you don’t need to walk on eggshells for no man
Either talking him in to getting help, anger management and therapy or get out, no one deserves to be treated that way.
Just because you have nowhere to go doesn’t mean you can’t do anything about this. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. The next time he screams and belittles you get in his face nose to nose even if you have to stand on a box to do it. And tell him calmly but sternly that if he doesn’t grow up and get over himself your gonna a take your kids and leave
He’s tired working 24/7 and needs therapy you guys can do this.
Take it from me. I was with my ex for almost 10 years before we got divorced w our daughter just turning 3 at the time. I am from AMERICA but have no family in my state. They’re 12 hours away. I moved out, worked full time, and paid for daycare. Applied for Medicaid for my kid. First it was anger then fighting then breaking things then fighting in front of our child. At some point police were called. Just leave. Save your money and go to a shelter. Find any job you can. You can do it believe me 
Ask for help! A women’s shelter or something. Is there any possibility you can go back home?
My ex had anger issues like this, they eventually elevated and escalated until I tried to end things and in a fit of rage he tried to kill me and my kids. IMO if he won’t get help for his anger he doesn’t want to and it will only get worse. It worth the risk,
If you have a ssn I would try applying for PUA stating your self employed and can’t work due to covid and you last worked mid march
Then if you get approved you’ll get back pay and can use that money to move out with the kids
Get counseling or get out
Are you a citizen or do you have a green card? You should be able to access many services: women’s shelter, food stamps, child support, etc. if not (or in addition) contact the Tahirih Justice Center (tahirih.org). They work with abused women from other countries.
And if your husband behaves like you described, he is NOT a good father. If he does not get therapy and anger management, he will never get any better and in fact may get worse. If it turns to physical abuse, go to the cops and a doctor so there is evidence for court. Maybe do this while he is at work unless you need emergency care so he won’t get even worse. Again, listen to advice from the people at the women’s center.
Make a plan to leave SAFELY before you go. A women’s shelter can help you with this so you and your children can be safe. Also, when you go to court specify you want him to have supervised visits only at a local courthouse.
Start recording everything he says and does on your phone or in a notebook with times and dates, then send a copy to someone you trust (in another country is fine).
I’m sorry you are going through this. Make friends with other single moms, people at your religious institution of choice, new neighbors, etc. Trust that if you work hard you will get through this. Take steps to get an education so you are able to support your family. Computer science might be a good choice. Good luck!
There are social workers at women’s shelters who can help you every step of the way! Don’t let fear of the unknown or the fact that this is not your home country stop you! You 100% can get away and keep your babies. You can. You do not have to live like that. If you’re not sure where to start, ask your doctor or even your child’s pediatrician. They will have contact information and guidance for your specific needs.
Not that’s it’s an excuse but maybe he doesn’t realize how working everyday all day can affect a person! He needs to take a break and relearn that’s it’s his family that matters! Maybe try to encourage him to find one job that is enough so that he can get back to being the man you married.
He wants a slave not a wife. You are a DV victim, verbal & emotional abuse. You need to contact a DV agency ASAP. They can help you get out, get a job & daycare & provide counseling for you, the kids & him. They were a godsend to me & my kids.
He works 2 jobs!!! 7 days a week with no days off!!!..I see why he has anger issues…he is too busying building a life hes not enjoying it. And I get it …u have two small children …its rough…but hes working 2 jobs the least u can do is have dinner ready when he gets home …its not okay for him to cuss and yell…but theres a reason 4 it I’m sure
…he maybe getting burnt out from so much work and so little.play. truly idk but it might get worse if u all dont address this now. Good luck🍀
Get him spoke edibles
Call a shelter for abused women…Rose Center
I get it’s really hard and rough for you but there could be an underlying reason. Being overworked and stressed is one of the biggest causes of depression in men and they don’t show their depression the same way women do. Most times is comes out in anger and having little to no patience. It’s a lot harder for men to come to terms with the fact that they are depressed and overworked because of the “manly” mentality they feel the need to uphold. Try to talk to him on a calm night about having days off and seeking help. If he refuses to seek help then make the decision to leave. Sometimes all it really takes though is an antidepressant and/or mood stabilizer. Believe me if that’s his main issue seeking that medical help will make a worlds difference in the long run. It’s not always them wanting to be mean and cruel.
I just left after 5 years of putting up with the same behavior. Nothing I ever did was good enough and if I said anything at all I was being critical of him. Every issue was entirely my fault, and over time I truly thought I was losing my mind… how could I be so selfish? How could I put him through the emotional torture my tears caused him? He is a narcissist, and I just left 3 days ago sure that I needed to be institutionalized. I know how hard it is… but you need to run (not walk) away for the sake of your sanity and your children. Do you want them to grow up thinking this is how marriages work? Do you want your daughter to accept this treatment when she marries, or your son to think this is how he should treat his wife someday? Please… go to a shelter.
He IS NOT a great father. A great father loves and cherishes his wife and through that love teaches his children how to act and treat their future loved ones. Seek help through your local Domestic Violence Shelter. Verbal abuse is Domestic Violence. God bless you to be strong!
File for protection order
File for divorce and custody
It’s going to get worse sad to say. Don’t let anybody treat you like crap and don’t let anybody say it’s cause he’s overwhelmed etc.
The best example a father can be is to show the kids he loves their mother, if you don’t do that you are a loser.
I don’t understand if he works 7 days a week and takes care of you . Why can’t you cook and take care of the house . A lot of girls complain about this . In any marriage a man can’t do it all .
He needs to accept that he has an issue first take a look at himself and figure out why he’s hurting the people he loves, anger is only the tip of the iceberg he needs to heal but first he must want to stop hurting you and himself to make a change
Get some help from a womens shelter. They can help.you. He has to pay child support at least. You can get help.
There is absolutely NO excuse for Abuse of any kind! To those saying he has an underlying reason, that does NOT justify his behavior. No one should have to stay in an unhappy negative relationship
Let him stay home full time you work 2 jobs… I have 6 kids and sure shit house is cleaned, food cooked, laundry done i do all the house stuff as their dad is working…
No reason at all for swearing nor yelling and you think with two small kids having dinner on the table at what ge determines is time is the least she can do no she’s being abused she should call the domestic abuse hotline and get the hell out
Call Domestic Violence Hotline they will help you. Good Luck 
lots of good answers–just want to confirm what others have said: He is NOT a good father at all. I grew up with a father like that and developed all kinds of health issues because of it–like every dinner was a time for him to rant at everyone so I could not eat or digest my food. It was hell. Sadly, I married men like my father and it took counseling to break that pattern. Now have a wonderful husband who has been a real father to my girls when their bio was not.
My fiancé was the same. Thankfully, it took a rough few years, but he’s finally realized his anger and how he deals with situations, or even speaking to me a certain way affects me. If a man wants to change, they will change. He seems like the type that was born into “that’s how a man acts”. If you’re not able to express to him how much it hurts you, then find a way that you need to find a path to get out. There’s services out there that can help you get out of a verbally abusive relationship.
If you don’t have your green card, get it. Or get whatever you need to be a full American citizen before you leave him. If he stays the way he is, leave him. He will get physically violent eventually when yelling isn’t enough anymore. If you want to work on your marriage, go to counseling or a therapist. Try to see if he will take one day off a week so he has a chance to relax. But the biggest thing is for you to start putting money away. Sell some odds and ends around the house. If you have access to his money, take out a little at a time and put it away. Like maybe in a bank account with only your name on it. That way if he doesn’t change after you try counseling or whatever, you have a way out. And then take your kids, leave your phone at the house (so he can’t track you) and a note saying you want a divorce and why you’re leaving. Get a job, there gov assistant for food and child care. Move on with your life.
Some of the comments in this group are judgmental and toxic. If you cant offer advise or keep quiet if you dont have anything to say!!!