My Husband Is Mad I Don't Want My Mother-in-Law in the Delivery Room When I Give Birth: Advice?

QUESTION:

"I need advice. I am due to give birth in 2 months. We are only allowed to have three people in the room when I give birth. So it will be my husband, my mother, and my sister.

My husband is mad because I do not want my mother-in-law in there with me and is taking it out on me. He said it is only right that a grandparent is there for the birth.

But the thing is, I have never been comfortable with her and don’t want to feel uncomfortable when I am in a vulnerable situation. What should I do? I’m lost."

RELATED QUESTION: My mother-in-law swears I am trying to keep my child from her: Advice?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“Ask him if he would be comfortable splayed eagle for hours on end, with his junk out for everyone to see. If he says no, tell him to shut up and not be mad. It’s YOUR birth experience. If he keeps up with the attitude I’d tell him he’s not going to be allowed in there.”

“Saw this once: ‘Ask him to lay completely naked on a hospital bed and produce a bowel movement in front of your mother. If he can do that, THEN entertain the idea of birthing in front of his.’”

“To all the women on here telling this poor mother that she should allow someone in that she doesn’t want to to “respect” the father. SHAME SHAME SHAME on you! Dishonor on you! That is the EXACT opposite of what she needs. Birth is one of the most vulnerable things she will ever go through and to add any tiny bit of stress is incorrect. Nope. MIL can be there after. I straight up told mine there was NO way on God’s green earth that I’d allow her to watch me give birth. She told me that if my mom was going to be there it was only fair. I in turn told her that it wasn’t up for discussion and that trying to force me into it wasn’t fair to me. I also decided I didn’t want my mom there either which really upset her. But again. OH WELL. my body. My choice. Don’t let ANYONE make you feel guilty for choosing what is best for you and your body.”

“How do so many mothers think that you only want people in the room, so they can see the baby being born? It’s not a show. It’s not about who either of them WANT to be there. It is about what the woman NEEDS to safely birth this baby. She NEEDS a support system. She NEEDS to feel comfortable and to not be stressed out. This is for her safety and their babies’ safety. If that’s not the most important thing to him, then he is not ready to even be a father.”

“The biggest thing I learned the first time I gave birth was to never let any part of your labor be because you feel obligated to do something that way because of someone else’s feelings. My second birth I did it the way I wanted, with no one but my husband in the room and I wish I’d have done it that way the first time too. You are the one in labor, and any stress or upset can cause complications. Sorry to anyone else but they aren’t the ones having a baby so they don’t get a say. I promise you will regret it if you don’t do it exactly how you want with who you want.”

“I’d tell him when he’s the one spread eagle on a table birthing a human he can decide who gets to be in the room and who doesn’t. Until then if it’s bothering him that much maybe he’d like to hold his momma’s hand in the waiting room?”

“Just you and your husband. Childbirth is an intimate moment that doesn’t lend itself to spectators. You’d keep the peace if you just had everyone wait until after the child is born.”

“Tell him it’s your decision and that if he keeps putting pressure on you he will be sitting outside next to her.”

“There is always a secret word u can tell your nurse/doctor when you want someone out of the room! They will tell you when you first go in! And if your husband tries to force you to let her in just tell your team the word and they will make her leave and make it seem like it’s not because of you!”

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He can sit out with his mom

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Girl. Your body. Your choice.

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Your the one giving birth. You decide who is in the room. If your not comfortable with her normally. The labor room is not the place for her to be.

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I’d have no one since you can’t agree. Just you and the father, period.

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Tell him to suck it up buttercup. You need people you’ll be comfy with it’s not your job to please others.

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Tell him it’s your decision and that if he keeps putting pressure on you he will be sitting outside next to her

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They’ll get over it and if they don’t oh fucking well.

Nope. Your body your choice. Your pushing a child out of your area. When he pushes a kid out of his area he can have who ever he wants there.

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No it’s up to you… um it’s a private moment. I’m so glad my mil didn’t want to. Your pushing out the baby your rules.

If you don’t feel comfortable, don’t have her in the room. Since you can’t agree you should have everyone but him sit out, and if he can’t agree with that just tell him he can sit out. The nurses will kick out anyone you want.

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Do what is best for you! This is suppose to be a joyful moment.
I didnt want my youngest daughter dad mom there, I caved and let her be there. It was the worst experience of my life. Bad enough I had a c section, she made it worse, refused to follow my birth plan and she invited her whole family. My doctor had to kick them out and explain to them that my body was just sliced opened. They mocked him on their way out.

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It’s your body, it should be up to you, who gets to see you in that exposed way.

Should be just you two then. Everyone else can wait in the waiting room. Surprised the hospital is even letting that many in with covid

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Ask him if he would be comfortable splayed eagle for hours on end, with his junk out for everyone to see. If he says no, tell him to shut up and not be mad. It’s YOUR birth experience. If he keeps up with the attitude I’d tell him he’s not going to be allowed in there.

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Do not make you giving birth to your child about him and his mom. It’s your choice as you literally will have your coochie out. I never would of been comfortable with my MIL to let her in the room when I gave birth so I get that. Don’t let him or any other person make you feel bad for not wanting her in the room. You need to be comfortable when you give birth to the baby. If he doesn’t like that then you can send his ass to me and I will have a few words with him.

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You are the one having the baby…he needs to go on the show…Momma’s boy🙄

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I would just have you and the father also that way noone can be butt sore or they can all be butt sore later. Either way you have every right to be comfortable during your labor and he needs to try and understand that…

This must be old because only one other person can be there during the pandemic.

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You can totally tell the nurses you don’t want her in the room and they will 100% cover your ass for you to avoid any awkward or hostile situations :woman_shrugging:

Mine did for me. Only immediate family members to the mother were allowed meaning my mother and not his.

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Just let it be you and him that’s only fair imo

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It isn’t his decision, it is yours. You need people who will support you and make you feel comfortable in there.

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Um when he pushes a baby out of his vagina then he can have a say.

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As the “MIL” please do what makes you comfortable… this is the most vulnerable you will ever be. My son has 2 babies by 2 different moms… I was lucky to be there for the 1st one. But wasn’t with the second (partially do to covid, partially because of her comfort). But I got pictures, text and FaceTime right after. This is about you, not what others want. You HAVE to be comfortable when giving birth!

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It’s your body up for display that’s not her business he better learn to accept it if I were you I’d tell him to wait out in waitroom with her if he don’t quit being an ass abt!!

How would he feel if your mom was all up in his private area?? Your body your choice

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Tell him people are in the room for support. And that you need people who are going to be there for you

I would ask him if he would want his mother in law in the room while hes getting a prostate exam? Or something like that.

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You’re very lucky to be able to have three people I’m due next week and I can only have one… of course it will be SO but my mommy did say that her bags are packed just in case :rofl:

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At the end of the day it’s your body, do what you are comfortable with. He’s not the one risking his life to bring a baby into the world

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Due to covid it should only be the dad what state is this that still allowing multiple people in the room ?

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Tell him next time y’all practice making babies in the future you’d like for her to be in the room as well :rofl: ya know… to get the full experience :rofl: #petty don’t care. Do you boo :heart:

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Your body, your choice.

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We had both of our moms there and in the room up until delivery time. Then they had to wait in the waiting room. I didn’t want our moms to watch me push a baby out my vj.

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I understand why he would want his mom there to share the excitement too. I would say since you can not agree just you and him. Or at least not the sister just your mom.

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The nurses will keep her out and most places right now only let one person in due to covid.

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NO. It is what YOU are comfortable with for fucks sake.

Tell him the difference is you’re comfortable and WANT your family there, you will have a terrible time if you try to force yourself to give birth with someone there that you’d prefer was in the waiting room or something. You’re allowed to be selfish when it comes to creating the most comfortable birth experience for you! Birth is mostly mental anyway, so if you’re stressed and not in a good headspace it will affect your entire birth.

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You can just tell your nurses and they’ll be the bad guy for you - I had my sister and husband for my first but only because when I woke up in antepartum I was 8cm and they didn’t think my husband would make it (my sister was nearby on her way to work so she came wnd worked from the hospital). I had just my husband for my second and we didn’t have any visitors at that hospital at all and it was wonderful.

Get all your family around for afternoon tea and then tell him to strip and squat over a bucket and take a dump. If he can do that then you’ll have his mother in the room while you give birth :wink::joy:

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If you can’t agree I’d just have it be you two. Note: this is a big moment in your lives. It is also a moment when you are vulnerable but by you making the decision you made, you basically told him that your family matters more than his and your feelings matter more than his. Especially, if you made the decision without talking to him about it. REGARDLESS of your reasoning, that is what comes across. His mother matters to him. Yours matters to you. It makes sense that you BOTH compromise and either both be in there alone or with your mothers who you both want there. I realize that this is your body, but that does not mean that your feelings and your family matters more than his. Just because he isn’t in labor doesn’t mean that he isn’t most vulnerable at this time as well. I’ve never seen my brothers more vulnerable than on the day their children were born. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Nope nope nope. I was inly confortable with my mom and my husband. My husband understood. He mentioned his mom would probably be really happy but when i told him i wouldn’t feel comfortable he understood. That was that.

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Why your mother and sister? Your husband and thats it. Its not a party.

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Your the one giving birth, you decide who is in the room with you. I’m surprised you are allowed 3 people. Ask him if he would feel comfortable having your mom in the room for a colonoscopy or vasectomy, if the answer is no, he has no right to say anything further about who is in your delivery room. Good luck with your labor and delivery, hope all goes well!

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Why am I seeing a few “it should just be you and your husband then” responses? F THAT she wants support from her mom and sister during a stressful vulnerable time. MIL AND HUBS need to get over it

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Just you two… The end

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I will be the bad guy for you… Like you said it’s a vulnerable state. Just say that you can come in later.

Tell him he can wait outside too then

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I wouldn’t have had any of our parents in the delivery room, first off. If my best friend was still alive it would have been her and my husband. But since she’s gone, it was just my husband. If my husband suggested his mom be in the room, his mom would ask him what the hell is wrong with him. And she and I are close. And if he’s using the argument that a grandparent should be in there, then your mom should count as the grandparent. If he’s going to be an ass about it, tell him he can just sit on out in the waiting room while the other adults handle the birthing job.

This is a highly intimate moment. Your boundaries are set. I do hope he can respect that.

I can only have my hubs with me, I would love to have my sister but COVID isn’t allowing it.

Can she be the first visitor?

With my first, I only wanted my husband in the room, but he knew how badly my mom wanted to be there, so he “blocked her in” at the head of the bed where she wouldn’t be in the way and I had no problem with that.
With my second, I agreed that my husband, my mother and his mother could be there, but that his mother HAD to stay at the head of the bed where I couldn’t see her. Then I was so focused on what I was doing that I didn’t pay any attention to anyone else around me and it wasn’t a big deal.

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You are the one giving birth not her. How would she feel if she had to have someone there that she wasn’t comfortable with ask him that

Tell him when he spreads his legs for a baby to come out, he can let her in the room for that :upside_down_face:

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That us a very intimate moment you and hubby should share alone your going to be naked. And I gone in uncomfortable position do you really want b er in there. She can come in right sfter baby is delivered. Not during. I would say NO. . DO YOU NEED HER SEEING YOU BiRTH CANAL. SHE SHOULD UNDERSTANS YOUR PRIVACY. YOU WANT IF ahe dOESN’T THEN SHE doesn’t WANT APPRECIATE YOU ENOUGH TO BE INVOLVED ANY WAY.

Ok, listen. Ur vagina is going to be all out and whatnot and it’s a grueling process… I think u should have whoever u want in the room with u. If he is that upset, he can have her in the room with him when he pushes a whole human out his body himself.

. … it’s humiliating enough. Why he on public show for others .

Maybe allow her to be in the room but have an understanding that she stand up by the head of the bed rather than viewing the actual birth…explain to him that it can be embarrassing for you to have her seeing her naked body parts .

In Canada it’s one support person only due to covid

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Why your mom?
And sister?
How about just you and your husband?
Fair is fair

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This is your decision, you get to decide who you want and who you don’t want…

Is he pushing a baby out his vagina and having it to where his mother in law can see? No? Then he doesn’t get to choose. He just needs to support who YOU decide can possibly see a baby coming out of your vagina.

It’s totally your choice!!! I wasn’t comfortable with my MIL there and I stood my ground!!

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When he has to spread his legs as far as they can spread, and have nurse after nurse and the doctor ram their fingers then hand up his ding dong then maneuver 8lbs of human from hips to dick and spit it out, he can have his momma by his side. But it’s you that’s gotta strip down in the most uncomfortably intimate way, which is already overly emotional having strangers in your lady parts anyway, then put in WORK to get that little life here… SO YOU GET TO DECIDE WHO YOU WANT IN THE ROOM WITH YOU! Fuck all that “he’s the dad” bs… there are other special firsts his mother will get. Make some special little hoorah for her. But who gets to watch this event go down, that’s on YOU! You don’t have to have him in the room. Probably needs to grow tf up, he’s bout to be a dad.

My mil told me it was her right to be in the room. I put my foot down and said no, just me and hubby. I compromised and let her in the room until it was time to push and then let her back in after the birth.

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I think due to COVID only 1 person is allowed in room with you

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When he pushes a baby out of himself then be can have a say

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Tell hubby to let naked in the table while you gave yoyr mother in room to stare atbhin.

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My mum was there for my first with my ex. I also had exs sister and my brother.
With my daughter, my mil wanted to be there. I said no. I just wanted my husband. They could come in afterwards. Was lovely just being me and hubby.

Tell him when he pushes a baby out if his dick his mommy can be there to hold his hand.

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Um… That doesn’t sound like something a husband would say it sounds like something a grandmother would say…
Additionally, I wouldn’t want my mother in law in the room while I gave birth instead of my sister or my mother unless she was like my sister and I didn’t have a sister…
YOU are giving birth, YOU are having YOUR and your husband’s baby… You are not holey & souly giving birth to your husband’s parents grandbaby :roll_eyes::woman_facepalming:t2:
Nip that kind of behaviour in the bud before baby comes

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honestly the rules just might now let her in

Politely ask him to wait in the waiting room with her :joy:

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I mean this is your first so he probably has no idea what giving birth is like. Have him watch a few videos to see how exposed you are and why you prefer his mother not to see your lady parts.

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What should you do? Tell him to get over it.

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Fuck outta here your doing the hard yards he can get fucked it’s your body and your choice and your fucking vagina

Um, he can just go and f** right off. What the heck is wrong with him

It should be you and I husband. Absolutely I could tell that you are like lots of women that they get married and only their family count. Their husband family doesn’t count. SAD.

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Stand your ground! I was in a university hospital and made the drs in training or whatever you call them leave the room. I was not giving a free peep show :joy: that’s a situation where you can be firm about. In law can be in waiting room on standby.

I wod double check covid procedures. My brother in law and his girlfriend were the only ones allowed in. And there were zero visitors allowed. But you would definitely want your husband and maybe your mom. I had 2 c sections so husband only was allowed.

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She’s the babies grandparent! If she wanted to see a baby be born she should have another one!

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100% your choice! You are the one giving birth, you decided who’s in the room. He’ll get over it

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I had my mom and my mother in law because I wanted my mom to be my support person but also my husband was becoming a dad for the first time too and wanted his mom there for a support person for him :woman_shrugging:t2: yeah you’re giving birth but you’re not the only one becoming a parent and I feel like dads are always put on the back burner and treated less than a mom. That’s his baby too he also created that baby and he should be able to have a support person as well.

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Just have your husband. Let everyone else visit later. They will all get over it.

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Have just you and your husband. Women everywhere can’t even have one, so I would just focus on you and hubs.

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Ask him if he wants your mom to go to his next prostate exam

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Childbirth should be an empowering experience. Having the right energy in the room is so important. Your husband clearly has no idea how sacred birth is. The two of you should look into taking a birthing class together. Maybe he will fully understand the importance of having things the way YOU need them. Whatever you do, please follow through with your birth plan.

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I think since you already have a family member in the room you should let him pick who the other one is . This is a life changing moment for him just as much as it is for you and these are memories you all will never forget. Plus what better way to get more comfortable than to have her in the room :woman_shrugging: and honestly you won’t even care who’s in the room. You’re just gonna want that baby out of you lol

I wouldn’t want anyone in the room period.

Don’t do it if you’re uncomfortable. Mil can wait until after baby is born. You’ll resent her and your husband if you do it to please him

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From a mother in laws prospective I have been in the birth of 3 of my grandbabies births and it has made my daughter in laws , myself and my grand babies very close !! And all these ppl saying you dont want her seeing yr birth canal how ridiculous she is a mother herself shes not there to look at yr private parts shes there to enjoy the birth of her new grandbaby !!

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i had no one but my husband with me during birth. i feel like thats a moment for the new parents only.

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I feel like I’m always the odd one out in these situations. I didnt want anyone expect me and my partner for the simple fact those are our bonding moments with our newborn

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These comments though :woozy_face:
I made it clear that I wanted my husband and parents in the room, and my MIL could be in there until it was time to push (3 people allowed). My MIL was respectful of it. Maybe your MIL feels differently than your husband? She may be totally fine with your wishes. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about who you feel most comfortable around. People gave me crap about having my dad in the room, but he has always been a source of comfort and strength for me and I needed that during labor

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Do what makes you comfortable and less stressed.

No one in room but husband why have anyone else in such a private moment :thinking:

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Leave her out if your uncomfortable she don’t need to be there

I highly doubt they will let more than one in the room during a pandemic. But no your support team not his.

You did right thing don’t let ur mother in law in room

Honestly, with #1 my boyfriend, sister, mom and grandma were in the room.
#2 was my boyfriend & mom.
#3 was just my boyfriend.

And honestly i liked it just being me and him in the room. #3 was born this year with covid rules.

Anyways. If he wants his mom the room tell him he gotta spread out buttnaked in front of your mom first. Ask him if that’s weird.
Then maybe he’ll change his mind.

In the end, its your body, and your medical “issue.” Your the one with the arm band and getting prodded and poked and checked and pushing a whole little human out. Not him. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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You’re allowed 3 people??? I had my baby in April and was barely even allowed to have my husband there

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