QUESTION:
"I need advice. I am due to give birth in 2 months. We are only allowed to have three people in the room when I give birth. So it will be my husband, my mother, and my sister.
My husband is mad because I do not want my mother-in-law in there with me and is taking it out on me. He said it is only right that a grandparent is there for the birth.
But the thing is, I have never been comfortable with her and don’t want to feel uncomfortable when I am in a vulnerable situation. What should I do? I’m lost."
RELATED QUESTION: My mother-in-law swears I am trying to keep my child from her: Advice?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“Ask him if he would be comfortable splayed eagle for hours on end, with his junk out for everyone to see. If he says no, tell him to shut up and not be mad. It’s YOUR birth experience. If he keeps up with the attitude I’d tell him he’s not going to be allowed in there.”
“Saw this once: ‘Ask him to lay completely naked on a hospital bed and produce a bowel movement in front of your mother. If he can do that, THEN entertain the idea of birthing in front of his.’”
“To all the women on here telling this poor mother that she should allow someone in that she doesn’t want to to “respect” the father. SHAME SHAME SHAME on you! Dishonor on you! That is the EXACT opposite of what she needs. Birth is one of the most vulnerable things she will ever go through and to add any tiny bit of stress is incorrect. Nope. MIL can be there after. I straight up told mine there was NO way on God’s green earth that I’d allow her to watch me give birth. She told me that if my mom was going to be there it was only fair. I in turn told her that it wasn’t up for discussion and that trying to force me into it wasn’t fair to me. I also decided I didn’t want my mom there either which really upset her. But again. OH WELL. my body. My choice. Don’t let ANYONE make you feel guilty for choosing what is best for you and your body.”
“How do so many mothers think that you only want people in the room, so they can see the baby being born? It’s not a show. It’s not about who either of them WANT to be there. It is about what the woman NEEDS to safely birth this baby. She NEEDS a support system. She NEEDS to feel comfortable and to not be stressed out. This is for her safety and their babies’ safety. If that’s not the most important thing to him, then he is not ready to even be a father.”
“The biggest thing I learned the first time I gave birth was to never let any part of your labor be because you feel obligated to do something that way because of someone else’s feelings. My second birth I did it the way I wanted, with no one but my husband in the room and I wish I’d have done it that way the first time too. You are the one in labor, and any stress or upset can cause complications. Sorry to anyone else but they aren’t the ones having a baby so they don’t get a say. I promise you will regret it if you don’t do it exactly how you want with who you want.”
“I’d tell him when he’s the one spread eagle on a table birthing a human he can decide who gets to be in the room and who doesn’t. Until then if it’s bothering him that much maybe he’d like to hold his momma’s hand in the waiting room?”
“Just you and your husband. Childbirth is an intimate moment that doesn’t lend itself to spectators. You’d keep the peace if you just had everyone wait until after the child is born.”
“Tell him it’s your decision and that if he keeps putting pressure on you he will be sitting outside next to her.”
“There is always a secret word u can tell your nurse/doctor when you want someone out of the room! They will tell you when you first go in! And if your husband tries to force you to let her in just tell your team the word and they will make her leave and make it seem like it’s not because of you!”
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