I honestly think it should be 50/50. Your mom and his mom should be in there. You and your husband are both becoming parents for the first time and they’re becoming grandparents for the first time. Understand your husband’s feelings as well.
Tell your husband “when you’re the one spread eagle on a table pushing out offspring… She can watch you!” In the meantime it’s stressful enough and you don’t need additional stress.
Umm… you do whatever you want with your damn body. Being uncomfortable during labor can cause it to stall out, and need more medical intervention.
Let him be pissy… hes not the one going thru it.
Do what makes you comfortable. Simple as that. You will never make everyone happy. You don’t get do overs. Do what is best for you and your child. Prayers for a safe healthy delivery .
Honestly I delt with the pain better without anyone there watching me, I feel terrible, but my midwife ended up getting my own mother to leave, because she kept trying to help, by talking to me, which I was getting really agitated by, babies dad only got there 30min before I gave birth. Honestly you do whats best for you, and dont let anyone ruin your experience, doesnt matter who they are, you being comfortable and happy, is what’s best for baby, stress and birth dont go well together, especially if its because of someone who can just wait outside.
Tell him to get completely naked, have your mother in the room while he takes a shit spread eagle. Until he can do that without question or embarrassment, that motherfucker right there needs to shut his trap up.
Maybe it’s just from my own personal experience but I wish we would’ve had my MIL in the room with us for our second child. She passed away 5 days before I gave birth to our third child. We would’ve given anything to have her there with us.
Fuck that she does not need to be in the room and if your husband doesnt support your choice in what makes you comfortable in such an intimate vulnerable situation then he can go sit in the waiting room. Put your foot down mama he needs to support you
Honestly that is your decision on wether you want her in there or not. Personally I chose to have my mother in law in the room when I had my first and I barely even remember her being there. I couldn’t stand her then and almost 6 yrs and another little boy later I still can’t stand her. None the less I wanted my ex to also have a support system of his own. I may have been the one giving birth but im a situation where anything could happen I felt it was important for him as well. I just remember both my mom and my dad standing behind the delivery doc and that’s pretty much it lol I think most of my focus was on my exhaustion and my favorite nurse who gave me my ice chips between pushes.
You should tell your husband to drop it, or he will be in the waiting room as well! You are the patient. You need a support system. You need to be comfortable with whoever is there with you. Added stress can cause complications. Your husband needs to put his wife and child over his damn mother.
You should stick to what you say. My mother in law and I are just now getting along and it’s been 13 years with her son. When she was there for the birth of my daughter she literally made it all about her and it was horrible. She blew her hot coffee breath in my face and talked about how her baby was all grown up and she didn’t have epidurals with either of hers. Even when doctor’s were talking to me she over talked me and talked about herself and I was the one giving birth. I’m in my third trimester with my son and I will refuse to let her step foot in that room just because of last time. Take it from someone who has been there don’t let it ruin your experience if you aren’t comfortable you aren’t and they need to respect that.
It’s not about your husband. It’s about you and the baby. You don’t want the MIL there while delivering, don’t. If he gets mad and starts to stress you out during delivery, he can leave too. Child birth isn’t about other people’s feelings. It’s about the one doing the pushing, the baby and keeping you comfortable.
Ummm when he gives birth, he can have his mother in the room. Until then you do you and what makes you comfortable. You’re the one that needs to be comfortable.
I had pushing of wanting extra people in there that I didn’t want so I told the nurse I only wanted my husband but am being put on the spot to have others in there . She said no problem I will take care of that. And when it came time to push she very nicely said everyone but dad needs to leave the room now. It was great they listened and I wasn’t made out to look like the bad guy .
Its a very private experience. If you are more comfortable without her then she’s out. She can wait in the lobby and meet her grandchild as soon as the baby is able to have visitors. Its your special experience with your child. Your first. Do what’s best for you. Be gentle, but firm in your decision. Good luck mama!
You need your (strongest connections) support system during birthing…you are NOT baking a cake! Tell him that! You get to pick who helps you get to that longggg finish line!
Tell him to drop his man panties, squat and take a poop while your mom watches… then maybe he will get the picture.
Seriously though: you’re the one who is vulnerable and going through L&D. You call the shots. Maybe keep her there until its time to push then out she goes. Just make sure whatever your wishes are, you let the hospital know. They are there to assist. Good luck!
That’s a lot of people in the room , I’m surprised you’re allowed three! My first babe I had my hubs and my mom in the room it was nice having my mom but when I had my other babies I just had my husband and it was just as nice honestly. I’m having another baby in January and it’ll just be my husband I wouldn’t be allowed more anyway cus if covid but I understand the protest of not wanting the mother in law in there if you’re uncomfortable. I often see where the in laws get the backseat with grandparent stuff though and I think that’s where your husband may be coming from. Doesn’t hurt to have the conversation where there can be a compromise where everyone is happy. I don’t know how close you are to your sister but I wouldn’t have my sister in my room either just for my own reasons of wanting to keep the moments to myself . At the end of the day your comfort is most important in that situation. Guys have such a hard time being empathetic to pregnancy in general and giving birth
your call. What is best for the baby is for you to be comfortable, calm, and relaxed. It’s you and you only dealing with your body in a vulnerable situation. It is your choice only who you feel comfortable with being in the room. If it makes you feel better that your mom and sister are in the room then they should be there. Hopefully he will come to his senses and realize that it is you in the vulnerable situation and put you first. His mom can be in the wait room and see that sweet baby right away when the delivery is over.
Honestly just because you can doesn’t mean you should. I don’t understand why people want everyone and their dog to watch them push a baby out, personally. I think that special moment should only be between the parents.
Tell him to get over it. You’re the one giving birth. You have the final say about who is and isn’t in the room.
Your mother in law can support you and your husband in many other ways. If you don’t want her in the room, she shouldn’t be there. It’s your choice, not your husband’s.
your body your decision you are the one givng birth and it is you who needs to be focused on that birth
I chose to just have my husband in the room with both our girls. I don’t think any of his family would’ve wanted to anyway but my family did. My dad raised my sister and I alone so I just wasn’t comfortable with him being in there for something like that and chose not to have my sister in there either so it wouldn’t have caused an issue with other siblings. To me the birth of our children was something and a bond I just wanted my husband and I to share. Thankfully everyone was understanding but also remember he’s becoming a parent to so she could be support for him but I would just try to talk to him and ask him to please understand that you just aren’t comfortable and when you’re in labor since it’s already so uncomfortable you would just like to be as comfortable as possible but ask if she could stay in until you start pushing maybe?
Tell him how you feel. He needs to be understanding and except your feelings
I kicked everyone out except my mom and aunty. Then ended up having a caesarean and my mom sent my sister but they kicked her out when I told them I didn’t want anyone seeing me. They forgot to lift the ban I put and everyone was worried about lol. Do what makes this experience comfy for you. Ask if she can come in the room right after baby is born and you are cleaned up. Trust me no one will remember once the baby is there.
Yeah you’re being very selfish, dad has just as much right to have a support person there as well. Maybe everyone can take turns so no one misses out.
Bless your heart. I went thru the same situation. To make a long story short I had a emergency C section and Noone was allowed in there!!
He can just let her be there when its his turn to push out a whole baby
Show him a birthing video and simply say…this is why you, Mom and Sister only…got it?
Ask him to do a poo in front of your mother !! And if he’s comfortable doing that then you’ll let his mum in the room!
Im honestly surprised they are letting people in at all besides the parents. Most hospitals have covid restrictions to only parents. Tell him let her see baby right after its out of you. Dont let em boss you.
Birth is the most vulnerable time in your life. You deserve to only have people who you’re comfortable with & will support you. Your husband doesn’t get to make this decision for you! He’s got a lot of nerve to think he does. Personally I’d put it in my birth plan that MIL is not to be in the room until you personally ask her to, after birth. I’d make sure my Dr & hospital staff was aware of it. If he keeps up trying to push this ban him too. Youre body is going through hell. He caused it. He should be supporting you.
You have who YOU want/feel comfortable with. His mom can wait in recovery.
Ask him to open his ass hole to your parents first then you’ll allow her there
I’m surprised they’re allowing anyone else along with your husband due to COVID
It may bring y’all closer… good luck
I only had my husband for all 3 of ours boys. I thought it was just a intimate moment between us. If he was trying to tell ME who I needed during a vulnerable time in my life, I don’t even know if I’d want him in there.
I think it’s up to you it’s not like he’s the one with no pants in front of his MIL if you’re not comfortable with it then he needs to not hold it against you. It’s your body being shown to the world not his
Where I live they won’t even allow anybody else to the hospital other than the daddy. Covid is changing everything. I bet you won’t be able to bring anybody but your husband.
Don’t let him in either
Just you and your husband. Child birth is an intimate moment that doesn’t lend itself to spectators. You’d keep the peace if you just had everyone wait until after the child is born.
My sons dads mother was in the room until they had to check my cervix or I had to push she was not allowed in the room when my legs had to be up otherwise it was my mom my sons dad and my sons dads mother whem it came to to push my mom was by my head reminding me that I had been thru hell during my pregnancy and that it was almost over and I would be allowed to eat normal food again my sons dad was right there holding one of my legs while the nurse had the other let me tell you my labor started the thursday before I had my son and I had him at lunch time on a Tuesday I went almost a week living on chicken broth and saltine crackers because I could go at anytime
The one needing support gets to make the choices. If the husband were having a surgery and needed support and said her mom couldn’t be there I’d hope she would understand. Also many men don’t understand the physical part of giving birth. They want to touch when you don’t want to be touched etc etc. sometimes a woman better understands. I hope you have a great bond with whoever ends up in the room with you.
When your husband is the one pushing out the baby then and only then does he get to decide who the support people are.
You are NOT being selfish, your body, your choice! You are a person with feelings not a damn incubator. He has no clue about the amount of pain you will go through and can’t appreciate how vunerable you will feel.
It’s only right that you’re comfortable. This isn’t a production you’re putting on for everyone else.
Well if you are having your mom it would only be fair to let him have his.
I had my mom and mother in law for my first birth. I think it was a very important experience for us all. I do beleive the husband should have a support person and a say…but in the end it is your choice.
Tell him to get butt naked and lay on the bed with knees pulled up to his chest, hold this position for a few hours while your mum is in the room
Idk . I feel like it’s such a private moment between the parents to be . I had an emergency c section with my first , and a planned c section with my second … so only dad was allowed .
These just you two then comments are insane to me. No man knows what it’s like to have a baby, so when you’re scared etc you want someone who knows what you’re going through and can say “that’s normal” etc. I had my mom in the room and I’m so glad I did. My husband was of no help and didn’t know what to do or say, typical of a man when it’s not something they know how to fix (no hate.). So no, if you want your mom and sister you bring them in! His mom can wait in the lobby and see the baby as soon as she’s cleared to do so. Take care of you and your needs on this one. It’s not selfish to want to be as relaxed as possible and feel supported by your people in one of the hardest things YOU will ever physically do. .
Youre the one giving birth. Its your decision.
If your mother AND sister is allowed… you should allow your mother in law. Why give one grand parent the honor of being their when the child is born and not the other. Personally… grandparents take priority over a sister.
My team was my husband and my mom as we were only allowed two people. Sadly my husbands parents were deceased. It is a very personal and intense time for the mom. You need people with you that will be comfort for you.that know you.who better than your mom and sister. My husband and mom were the perfect team she kept him calm and he kept me calm
It’s your body and your decision
I mean if you’re having your mom why can’t he have his? That’s where division within the family starts. One side not feeling important.
In no way would I have wanted my “mil” at birth of my kids… such a personal time… my last bub took 3 days from induction to being born… I had my mum and 16 yr old daughter there… the “mil” didn’t even bother to come to the hospital to see my son as he was born at Easter and she holds a party…
take off both mothers out! Your husband and your sister will be enough…I don’t understand how they are allowed there, too…
I say your all a bunch of babies yourselves if you need all these people in there for support! Are you sure your ready to have a baby?
I think it would be easier to say no now then to have her removed from the room then. That’s too stressful for you. Labor could be hours or DAYS for some… Look, my mom and I are super close, but I refused to have anybody but my husband in the room bc that’s all I could handle…she makes me anxious and I knew I couldn’t take care of anybody else at that time…but my husband was useless(lovely, but useless) and sometimes I wish she had been there, but I know I made the best decision for me at the time…also, more people = more germs
You should be able to chose whomever you want. Birth is hard work. You are going through a major life experience, and you should be able to choose who you share it with. Your husband should understand how stressful birth is for a woman both physically and emotionally. Your mother-in-law should be happy to meet the baby after he or she is born. You make the calls on this one. Also I’d been interested to know how many mother-in-laws had their mother-in-law in the room with them when they gave birth?
Your body your baby. If you aren’t comfortable with her in general you definitely won’t be while in labor
Just have your husband and make it about your new family. As a mother of only sons, we get left out a lot when it comes to grandkids. So, at least this would make it fair.
The biggest thing I learned the first time I gave birth was to never let any part of your labor be because you feel obligated to do something that way because of someone else’s feelings. My second birth I did it the way I wanted, with no one but my husband in the room and I wish I’d have done it that way the first time too. You are the one in labor, and any stress or upset can cause complications. Sorry to anyone else but they aren’t the ones having a baby so they don’t get a say. I promise you will regret it if you don’t do it exactly how you want with who you want.
I was not in the room when my daughter in law gave birth and I was not upset at all. It is your choice. Stick with it.
At the end of the day , ur the 1 pushing the baby out so its ur choicr end of story
Hell no. You have who YOU want. That’s absurd. I wouldn’t want my mother in law staring at all if that. Luckily, my was awesome, and she said she would be there if I wanted and would understand if I wasn’t comfortable. .
Ask him to lay naked on a table, scream and cry like he is pain for hours at a time and poop in front of his mother in law.
I’ve been there…stand your ground, if you don’t it will only get worse for you.
Maybe just him and your mum might be a better option so that he won’t be feeling as though you’re pushing his mum out and so that you have the support from him and your mum. I had my mum and my babies dad in the room. I could imagine from my experience that 3 could be a crowd
Only have who YOU are comfortable to have there.
It’s your body, your moment. Don’t let people try tell you what to do.
With my first son and I regret it now… I do not know your situation though. Buuuut when my MIL left the room and I was alone with the nurse, I told the nurse that I didn’t want her in the room. The nurse told me ‘I’m not here to make friends so I will keep her out’. Congratulations and good luck.
At the end of the day your the one pushing a whole human out of you. You have who YOU want there.
No. Hell no. While I can completely understand why he’d ask that, it’s YOUR choice. You’re the one giving birth, yes it’s also in his child, but it’s YOUR body being exposed for everyone. Stand your ground momma. If I was allowed to have more than just my husband in the room with me, without a doubt would have had my mom in there. You need/want people who you are 100000% comfortable with. Especially when you say you’re not the most comfortable with your MIL on a good day, definitely no. If this was my situation I’d tell my husband he can wait in the lobby with his mother and I’ll call him when it’s done.
When he gives birth…he can choose OTHERWISE!
I’d tell him when he’s the one spread eagle on a table birthing a human he can decide who gets to be in the room and who doesn’t. Until then if it’s bothering him that much maybe he’d like to hold his momma’s hand in the waiting room?
I decided to only have my husband in the room. It was our new family. Also I had complications which ended up in an emergency c-section after 20+ hours of active labor. I did have my parents and in laws in the room until I was ready to push. Then it was just him and I.
Can’t she wait out the waiting room
Tell him when he suddenly grows a vagina and pushes a 6-10lb baby out of it, then he can decide. Until then he can stuff it. I had my bd, my step-sister and my mom. My step mom tried to shove her way in. She was then threatened by the doctor with security. She was told she could sit down and be quiet and wait or be escorted out of the hospital entirely. And honestly the ONLY reason my mom was allowed there was because she kept out of the way and was taking pictures, which even that I would have spoke up against if I wasn’t kind of focused on other things.
My vagina my rules. He doesn’t get to pick. You are the one that needs supportive people that make you feel calm. Also I am jealous. Because of covid my mom and sister couldn’t be there.
Do whats right for you!!!
Ask him if he’d be happy to ever a colonoscopy in front of your mum
(Even though it’s not the same thing, I think he’d understand your side of it lol)
You’re the one bringing life into this earth not him. Tell him that he doesn’t need his mommy there to hold his hand while YOU give birth. And that him pressing you about it is just saying he isn’t man enough to handle it without her.
Also when you go to the hospital in labor you do have a choice of who is in the room. Don’t let him bully you into it last minute. Tell the nurse who you want in there. Also after giving birth you can decide who visits or who doesn’t. Request a code for your room. Only people who have that code can come
I know a lot of people are saying its your choice and I totally agree. But maybe make a compromise? As much as you dislike the idea, its still his family and he cares deeply for them and there should be a level of respect when it comes to your hubby’s family. Maybe not have the grandparent in the room and let ur mom and sister be present during birth but give the grandmother the privilege to be the first to hold the baby after you and dad of course. A marriage is about give and take. Since your sister and mom got to witness the birth maybe give a little and let the grandparent hold the baby first to still help her feel included? Im sure I have an unpopular opinion given the other comments on here. Yes you’re giving birth but it is both of your baby…
When it’s his vagina on show, he can have a say!
Set the boundaries now before your mummas boy and his mummy become to much. Tell her flatly i have chosen these people and thats that.
It is you that needs to be be able to relax and you need people there that can help with that. My mother in law insisted on being there, then proceeded to to nothing to stress me out to the point my dr insisted I have an epidural to relax and ease the birth, which I did not need with my 1st child (she just coming back in everytime she was asked to leave) then the topper was that she shoved her head between me and my doc when my son was being born!!! If I had not had the epidural, I probably would have kicked her. Not that your experience would be like this, but it is YOU giving birth and in pain so it is YOU that needs to be comfortable.
That’s just weird to me. My mother in law would be totally disgusted at the thought of looking at my coochie while giving birth. Ya’ll are just weird lol.
It’s literally your decision who gets to look at your coochie. You are giving birth to a whole human. If you don’t want her in there then that’s completely justified. I had my husband & my mother in the room with me, the 2 people I feel most comfortable with. They are both my comfort people.
Technically you dont even have to have him there. If you want to take your next door neighbours, the people down the post office or random people off the street it would be your choice. Ok that’s a little dramatic but it’s true.
In the birthing room its about the mother, whats going to help her and keep her calm. Because that is what is best for the baby. Its not about what is “fair”.
If he would be happy to push a watermelon out of his bum with your family watching and everything on show then crack on. Your body your rules. Omg im ranting. Sorry a pet peeve of mine is people expecting to be in the delivery room like its not a medical procedure for the other. Yes its magical but its also intimate, scary, painful and there can be so many complications
There is always a secret word u can tell your nurse/doctor when you want someone out of the room! They will tell you when you first go in! And if your husband tries to force you to let her in just tell your team the word and they will make her leave and make it seem like its not because of u!
Your birth your choice. She can come visit afterwards!
Honestly you are giving birth and it should be your choice. But it’s also your husband’s baby as well. With my youngest only my ex and I were in the room, because his mom and my mom dont get along. So nobody but my ex was allowed in until after. Easy peasy.
Tell him he can wait with her if he keeps up the attitude. Its your body. I have c sections im only allowed 1 my mom was there for my 1st my husband the last 3. If Covid is still going on you’ll likely only be allowed 1.
Saw this once
“Ask him to lay completely naked on a hospital bed and produce a bowel movement in front of your mother. If he can do that, THEN entertain the idea of birthing in front of his”
I needed my sis more than my mom to be honest. With COVID you can have that many people?
Your the patient he isn’t, you have the last word.
It should be your choice on who you want your the one giving birth not them
I’m honestly surprised you can have that many people with COVID. I’m allowed just my husband in a few weeks. Either way I’d be like it’s my choice who my support team is. Are you pushing out a watermelon? No? Shut it then.
It’s your body, your choice x
Ask your husband if he would be comfortable naked in the same room as his mother inlaw , if he says he would not like it tell him there is his answer then he may not be so unreasonable
So you place more value on your own mother being there for the birth of her grandchild? Treat both the same. If 1 grandmother cant come then the same goes for the other. You creating your own misfortune for later.