My husband has an issue with our 9 year old coming to snuggle in the middle of the night but she has night terrors and doesnt want to be alone so i get it…but he complains at her every morning and i am starting to resent him for it…what should i do abotu this?
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband is mad out daughter comes in our room at night: Advice?
I think more context around this would be helpful.
Is he working all day, and not getting solid sleep through the night?
Does it make him uncomfortable to have her in the bed?
Is she only in the bed for a short period of time or does it end up being until the morning?
Are you both getting quality time together or is this the only opportunity?
All those things and more would factor into how he might be responding to the situation.
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If this was my Husband, He could sleep somewhere else 
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Send him to sleep by himself. She’s little and needs you. You don’t sleep alone, so why should she have to if she’s scared and needs you.
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Yall sayin he can sleep somewhere else. Why can’t mom sleep in daughters room?
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Find ways to help her overcome her night terrors 
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Communicate to him would be the first thing to do instead of social media
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Take her back to her room and comfort her, compromise.
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My kids always use to come and get in my bed, then I met this guy who stopped that, he use to work nights so we would have our snuggles when he was out, but then he kicked off about it, so many arguments, my daughter now comes and gets in bed with any time she wants, my daughter is more important than my relationship, no one I mean no one makes my daughter scared to come in my room if she needs me, I’m her momma my job to protect her day and night simple
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Why does he have to sleep somewhere else she can either help her get over them or she can sleep in the room where the daughter is
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Get baby girl help on the night terrors. Not getting adequate sleep can be annoying. Work with daddy about redirecting his frustrations. His feelings should be taken into account and respected as well. Baby girl needs love but adults need their time as well. Try a need bedtime routine and speak to a pediatrician about her sleep health.
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Just get up take her hand and go do her room
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Get up and go lay in her bed . Seems like a better choice than invading his personal space. He stated he is not comfortable, maybe just respect that.
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He shouldn’t have to compromise his bed because youse can’t agree, everyone deserves a good night sleep,go cuddle with your daughter in her room until she falls asleep then go back into your bed or find ways to help her overcome the fear of the night terrors
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I’m sorry, I can’t relate. I had my son when I was 17 and believed in self soothing methods… not for MY benefit but for his… I had very strict rules about my son being in my bed/room. He ONLY spent the night in my room when he was sick (flu/bad cold, throwing up, etc…) he is now very independent. 17 years old and makes straight A’s, works almost full time on top of being senior class vice president while attending strict college prep boarding school, sports, etc… he is no where near codependent and I firmly believe it’s because I did not coddle him more than absolute necessary. BUT, as someone familiar with child education, it’s to each their own. Your husband could just be craving alone time and unfortunately it’s your energy that has to provide that even if tired or settled. That is yall’s personal dynamic that can only be fueled by your own person efforts. If you’ve already let the kid in often, the pace has already been set in many ways. Now you’ve gotta put in the extra work to find a happy balance unfortunately. Sometimes it boils down to who owns the home, you or the kid/kids? Children actually thrive off of boundaries even if they act like they don’t like them. Maybe setting boundaries is worth a try to find a happy medium in general? At least you tried, right?
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Go lay down with her in her room. Wait till she is asleep then leave. If she wakes up repeat the process
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Go in her room until she falls back asleep then turn to your husband
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He says he’s uncomfortable, take her to her room and soothe her or get her some help. Respect his wishes as well.
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Smh thinking he should be more compassionate towards his daughter.
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IMO…Boundaries definitely need to be set with the daughter, she has her own room and her own bed if she comes to the room in the middle of the night redirect her back to her room sit with her a few minutes reassure her that she’s safe and nothing is in the room and go back to bed. Why resent your husband because he’s tired of his sleep being disturbed? Just like you’re taking your daughters feelings into consideration your husband’s feelings should be taken into consideration as well🤷🏽♀️
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I would take her back in her room and go sleep w her in there… mind u they wont be at that age forever… might as well go sleep w her too 
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Sleep with her in her room
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The compromise is to take your child back to her room and snuggle and cuddle her in her own bed. The issue is comforting your daughter not your bed. So don’t make it a problem.
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You need to work with her through this. Of you keep letting her in your bed she won’t ever leave and the root of her night terrors will never be solved. When she comes in your room at night take her back to her room, rub her back for a few minutes until she has calmed down and ask her what her nightmares are about while doing so. Reassure her that you’re there for her, give her some cuddles for a few minutes then return to your room without her. If she comes back in your room take her back to hers.
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She is 9, there is NO reason for her to be sleeping with yall! I understand the night terror ordeal, I dealt with it with one of my step kids, but that is no reason for her to be in the same bed as yall. He shouldn’t take it out on her, by any means. But that should stop.
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Tell him to go in his daughter’s bed
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Tell your husband to sleep on the couch. Boy byeeeee.
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Priveleged complaint. He needs to be thankful for a healthy child and help her thru some minor trauma.
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I dislike how it’s all on mom to sooth the child. If y’all made the child together, you face the issue together ( if it’s not his biological kid I get it… but) what about mama? She don’t need adequate sleep? I don’t see the big deal if it’s every now and then. We sacrificed out whole body for the child, losing a little sleep won’t kill him. They are only babies for a little bit. If she’s the only kid, I don’t blame her I’d be up in y’all’s bed too. Hell I’m grown and I’m still a chicken!
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Pray for your daughter,pray with her. Smudge the house and sleep in the room with her. She needs to feel secured and loved. And I agree with everyone,she won’t be that age forever. Kids are pure and sometimes bad spirits like to bother kids and kids can see things.
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How about both of you work on redirecting her back to her bed and helping her handle night terrors . It’s not solely upon mom dad can help too
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You guys have to come to a compromise. Every single person adult or child deserves their own space. Your husband deserves to be able to have his own space. Should he be more understanding and try to help her overcome ummm yeah. I think taking her to her room is a wonderful idea. He isn’t saying Don’t comfort her he is saying it is interfering with his comfort in his space. She is 9… my 6yo, and 8 year olds would come in I would calm them down and walk them to their room if need be.
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First get her help for the night terrors, it’s not good long term to suffer and can wreak havoc on her. Second you husband needs to understand that night terrors are traumatic and she’s a child looking for safety in her parents. Him constantly go at her about something she has no control over us going to ruin their relationship. She won’t trust him to have her back when shit hits the fan for her.
I used a dream catcher
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I’d try to figure out what’s causing the night terrors. Maybe talk to a counselor. When she comes in the room lay in her bed. I still co sleep with our 3 year old but our 5 and 7 year old still hop into bed with us sometimes. People will make things inappropriate that aren’t. Also talk to your husband about what’s going on and ask him not to focus on the fact that she wants to lay with you. You guys are where she feels safe and he’ll make her feel like she can’t talk to him
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How often does it happen? Maybe on those nights, you could take her back to her room and sleep in there with her?
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I used to have really bad night terrors and my mom made monster spray to spray in my room (little bit of her perfume and water) and sounds silly but it helped me sleep
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No. She wont be able to sleep with mommy her whole life. Find a good solution like a weighted blanket. They are excellent! Good luck and God bless you!
My brother used to have night terrors, and when that happened he would be asleep screaming and my parents would have to wake him, are you sure there not just bad dreams? Take her back to her room do a check of everything to show her she’s okay, lay with her while she calms down and gets ready to sleep again then go back to bed and leave a night light or door cracked with hall light on.
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Talk to him about it.
If you haven’t said anything to him, he probably doesn’t know you disagree. Give him the chance to change his mind before you go yelling the house down about something you’ve not mentioned up until now
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Night terrors involve screaming and staying in a semi awake state.
She may have had them but this seems like she wakes up and just comes in.
I agree to redirect her back to bed bc this may be a habit now
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My partner does the same, I just tell him. Sounds like a YOU problem. Our baby is also 9. She can snuggle anytime she wants till she don’t want to anymore. Tough titties for him lol
The husband does not need to sleep else where!! He needs to help soothe and figure out why y’alls child is having night terrors…
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Every night? Yea that’s annoying. Stop coddling kids. She’s 9 years old not 3.
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I would always go on the couch when our kids came to bed with us, or go to their room.
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You should go lay with her instead. It might disturb his sleep, which makes him miserable throughout his day.
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Thursday will be 4 years strong of bed sharing. I don’t sleep alone I don’t expect my baby to. They are only babies once. Someday they will be grown with babies of their own! It is only a short while in the grand scheme of life.
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She may not be having night terrors as much as nightmares. Most Kids aren’t aware wen they’re having a night terror. There’s no way to sooth them except to wait for them to come out of it. Nightmares can happen nightly and if she needs reassurance after could you lay in her bed a bit?
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My 2 sons came in our room at night also. We told them it was fine as long as they made a bed for themselves on the floor. So they would bring a blanket, sheet and pillow and it was cozy for them. They felt the closeness without being in our bed. (BTW, they were not coming in at the same time. My oldest stopped when my youngest started.)
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I would go in her room with her
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Life is short remind him of that. She only needs you for a short time don’t let her down.
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Tell him to keep it to himself and to go sleep on the couch or something if he doesn’t like it
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That’s your husband, she’ll eventually grow out of it but it’s currently effecting your relationship. Find a way to get her to stay in her bed.
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Try putting a cot on your side of bed, she can lay on and be close without be in your bed.
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Talk to him. Communication is key for a good relationship
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Put her back in her room. Stay with her until she falls asleep. Then go back to your room.
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You go lay with he instead?
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I’m sorry but I agree with your husband… I used to tell my mom I had nightmares to go sleep with her and my dad and they never stopped me… I began to not be able to sleep without her and couldn’t even sleep over at friends houses without them having to pick me up in the middle of the night or go on any trips with friends… it sucked, I felt soo left out and it lasted til I was like 13… when my daughter does she’s 7 now I walk her back to her room and sir with her til she falls asleep.
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My husband doesn’t like it either so he would usually get up and move to the couch or go in my daughters bed. Anytime she sleeps in the bed with us his back hurts or he kicks someone so I understand. He works nights now so usually i go into her room or she wakes up like clock work at 12:30 when he does and comes into my room.
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My kids are 19 and 16. My son, not so much anymore but my babygirl, will come get in the bed with me often. I don’t care what time or the reason. I will wake up and there she is… snoozing away. It never has and never will bother me. If they’re not feeling well, it’s almost instantly… “moooommmm, ma, ((shake, shake)) can I lay with you? I don’t feel so well”…
If it brings them comfort, then I’m okay with that. Life is short and tomorrow is never promised…
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Maybe husband is afraid he will accidentally touch her in the middle of the night thinking it’s you when he is wanting to cuddle with you. She for sure would have night issues then
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tell him there is always the couch 
sorry but my babies are only little for a little while… that’s selfish
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Me I would get rid of him kids first .
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Listen to your husband for goodness sake! Can you not think or understand why he is uncomfortable? Do we have to spell that out to you? There are things she should not see at her age. What if he snuggled with her thinking it was you? Why do you not understand these things? She is old enough that she should not be interrupting your and your husband’s sleep. Your husband is right to be upset. Your husband is a gentleman to remind you in the morning after your daughter has left the room of what your own common sense should have understood.
You need to give her a hug, walk her back to her bed, tuck her in, sit with her for a few minutes and then go back into your own room with your husband. A machine that makes white noise may help her sleep and stay asleep.
Be nice to your dear husband and stop being a silly nitwit.
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If I had children, their needs would always come first . I totally agree with you
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put the kid back in her bed. i dont let my 4 kr 7yr old in bed with us and if they come in trying i get up n tuck them back in.
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I understand night terrors but when she comes 1 of you need to take her back and settle her in. Make her room a soothing lighted area she can resettle in. Wether the night terrors are a phase or long term she must learn to how to deal with them and self soothe. The marital bed is invaded the first couple of years of a child’s life so the parents can function but a 9 year old is too big. For her growth and your marriage she needs to go back to her bed. Sit or lay with her till she settles and return to your bed. I’m out house after 3 our bed is off limits. This is to promote independence for the child and give us the needed space to be a couple and not just a mom or dad. This is not to say then don’t wake us. They do but we help them settle in thier room and endeavor to make it a safe space they feel comfortable in. After a while they wake but just go back to sleep.
Talk to him
When she comes in your room go back to her room with her if he has such an issue
She deserves comfort
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Some of these comments are uhmmm. Anyway. She can sleep on the other side of her mother without laying next to her father.
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People saying night mares but she said night terrors. There’s a big difference
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My 5yr old son will wake up at midnight or after”can I sleep with you?” I say no it’s not time yet, he may cry n whine but he’s a child. If he wakes up at 4/5am when we get up at 6am everyday then I let him sleep with us cuz dad leaves for work at 4am
I had this issue with my son. He had night terrors from 3-10 I change routines and everything. When she came in my room I would get up and go back to his room and lay in his bed with him. We would chat then cuddle. As he got older he would knock on my bedroom door and ask me to cuddle until he fell asleep. After awhile he had less and and less night terrors and now he is 12 and doesn’t have any and sleeps in his own bed. It is a struggle and for awhile I would resent my boyfriend because she got upset when he slept in the bed. Then I realized that is I continue to let him sleep in my bed it would hurt my relationship and not help him learn to sleep in his own room.
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Oh man I had night terrors!! She needs all the comfort she can get, they are called that for a reason! Get some family counseling. He needs to be more understanding.
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If my kiddos came onto the room I would go out to the living room and sleep there. We just didnt have a big enough bed for hubby, me, and kiddos so when they had a rough night needed some comfort we would hang in the living room first maybe read a funny book or turn on the TV depending on what was going on. Good luck.
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He needs sleep too. She’s big. You go to her room or give her a hug and reassure her and then back to bed. We are battling this now. I usually walk her back and give lots of kisses and telling her it’s just a dream and not real so she connects the two.
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When our daughter came into our room my wife would get up and go crawl into our daughters bed when she got scared, it worked great because she would be comforted but also showed her that she needed to sleep in her room
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Get your daughter out of your room. That’s what you should do. She has night terrors go to her and start showing her how to self soothe.
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Try sleeping in her room.
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Some of y’all are harsh, you get to go to bed with someone every night and sleep next to someone every night all night but steadily telling your child they have to be alone……
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When my daughter gets up I go lay w her in her bed until she falls back asleep then I go back to bed. I would have some serious talks w your husband as it sounds like he lacks any empathy for your child. That’s awful to go thru as a child & it’s good they find safety & comfort w you.
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Sorry but my kid comes first always.
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Go lay with her in her room.
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One day she’s going to stop coming into your room . Kids first I say .
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Tell him if he doesn’t like it he can sleep on the couch
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I made a bed for my kids on the floor near our bed so they could sleep beside us without being IN the bed. They soon got tired of being uncomfortable and didn’t do it often. Try that.
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Go in her room with her.
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Did u say it to him at all
My babies come into my room all through the night(I have 3) I wish a man would tell me he had an issue with it. I’d tell his ass to sleep on the couch then 
bc I’m going to comfort my kids, regardless. And if sleeping with me helps them, then that’s exactly what they will do until they are grown… All part of having kids to begin with.
My daughter comes gets snuggles and go back to bed because children should be in own bed not in parents bed so husband has right to be mad and she probably lying about night terrors
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Our daughter was afraid of storms so she always came into our room and climbed in bed with us. As she got older and bigger, she would bring her quilt and lay on the floor beside the bed. She eventually stayed in her own bed after she realized she would be fine.
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Talk to her about it, not just saying it’s not real… her feeling about it are, so to her it is real… Teach her prayer, read to her, lay with her until she falls back to sleep. There’s no reason to resent him when you can be the resolution.
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Side with your kid. I had night terrors, and my parents didn’t let me come to their bed, and it made me feel like I didn’t matter.
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Tell him to go sleep in her bed 
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Tell him to kick rocks!!!
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Tell him the next time he wants love or comfort to go elsewhere too lol
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If it was a rare occurrence then husband would get told deal with it or get on the couch
If its every night I’d be cheesed off too
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I always remind my hustlers. This isn’t forever. And I want to enjoy my child while I can. You will have me to yourself forever. Let him have me for this small amount of time.
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Go sleep in her room with her bet then he will say, fine… she can stay 
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