I have an almost 2 year old and am 19 weeks pregnant. I’ve had high blood pressure (because of stress) and am at risk of preeclampsia. My husband doesn’t get the seriousness of the situation and continues to do/say things to set me off. I’ve tried talking to him about it over and over and he just doesn’t get it. What can I do to make him get it?
109 Likes
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband is not taking my condition seriously: Advice?
Have your dr explain it to him. Maybe hearing it from them may trigger something in his head.
6 Likes
Control YOU. Not him.
10 Likes
I had preeclampsia & me & my son both almost died at 31 weeks. So get your doc to explain to him how serious it can get!
6 Likes
Does he have a phone? Send him links over and over and over until he does get it! Have his mom send him links and tell him the seriousness of it. Have all your friends do the same. Men can be so blind eye turning.
6 Likes
Have your doctor talk to him. It’s hard enough being pregnant and having a toddler. Maybe he should stay at home and wear a pregnancy belly along with you to know it’s not easy.
3 Likes
I mean…is he purposely getting under your skin??
Have him go to your next appointment and have the doctor go over everything and explain it.
5 Likes
Take him to your next dr appointment and go over the severity of your situation
3 Likes
Control the situation by walking away if it’s making you get mad/ raise your blood pressure
7 Likes
‘Saying or doing things that set you off’. Um, control you and communicate. I’m high risk too. And on two baby aspirin a day, limiting salt, tracking BP, staying active. I had a loss at 33 weeks from a placental abruption last year. It’s still on me, and following doctors orders, and seeing a mfm, and having extra testing. And if BP is a real issue there are pregnancy safe BP meds. I’ve had plenty of friends on BP meds through pregnancy. Including friends that were hospitalized and on a magnesium drip for pre-e.
1 Like
Work on you and how you react. We can not expect people to tiptoe around us and to act a certain way. We are all responsible for our own behavior and reactions. So, work on you and get yourself some coping strategies!
8 Likes
Control you! No one can MAKE you feel any kind of way that you don’t allow them to .
3 Likes
Just wait until the baby is born. His true colors will show even more
3 Likes
Take him to next dr appointment.ask Dr to help husband to understand. Your LIFE and baby are at risk.
Google eclampsia- show him.
5 Likes
Take him to the dr appt with you.
2 Likes
Send him.links explaining the severity of the situation and also discuss with your doctor so you doctor can make things CLEAR for him as well. 
#PrayingForYouMomma
Write about it that way u take ur time and probably have less of a confrontation…
1 Like
I’m going to be completely honest. My SO was a complete ass until I had our baby. I think it’s so unfortunate that men don’t understand the magnitude of stress, pain, and conditions that our body goes through to have children. I had hyperemisis, preeclampsia, gestational diabetes this last time… plus a 2 year old, 9,11 & 14 year old kids. It was really really hard. You can try having the doctor talk to him, try sending him links but I think they just can’t comprehend. I’m not trying to make excuses for behavior. Just explaining my situation. I didn’t leave him but If I was pregnant for any longer I would have! He broke down bawling when our son was born and apologized while I was delivering (
timing right).
Take him to talk to your Dr
3 Likes
how you react is up to you. is he doing anything or acting differently than he did before you were pregnant? if not he’s not the problem, it’s how you choose to react. can’t expect people to walk on eggshells around you because of your condition. asking him to be more considerate of how you speak to each other might be a good idea though.
11 Likes
Isnt as important what him or any other person does right now to create stress.much more important how you will deal with it until baby gets here and beyond.would it help to taje walk or bath or relax in a different room?if he doesnt respect those boundaries go for a drive or meet with a friend?
Anywho you are responsible for how others affect your being… If he’s being a pain in the ass… Pretend he’s at work or something… Focus on something different or ask him to take the other child out and about
He won’t till you are in the hospital because of it.
2 Likes
That’s how I am but my bf is very supportive… he comes w me to appts & ultrasounds… my bp is usually like 180/120 or 200/160 and it only happens when I’m pregnant… me n my daughter almost died while I was giving birth I had to go into emergency csection and I was 32 wks… I am pregnant again and my bp is still the same… and I have to leave soon the doc said for my confinement… sounds like their gonna do the same take out baby early again… I’ve had 2 stillborn births (1 at 29wks & 1 at 34w5d)… take him to ur appts?.. and get the doctor to explain what can happen when u have high bp…
2 Likes
I had severe preeclampsia at 25 weeks and now my daughter is seriously permantly disabled with tons of major medical conditions. I have to have nurses at my home all the time. Had to quit my job to care for her and she sadly has a short prognosis for her life. It’s heart breaking. I was working and in college which caused a lot of stress. Maybe show him what could happen if you got preclampisa like I did. My girls page is Redirecting...
She sleeps 23 hours a day. Is quadriplegic so she can’t move unless it’s one of the hundreds of seizures she has daily. She is fed through a tube. A machine breathes for her. We have to use urinary catheters to get her to pee sometimes. She’s in diapers. Four times a day we have to put her in this contraption that shakes her up and then use a machine to cough for her. She can’t talk or eat. She can’t cry. She’s often in the hospital and any sickness is deadly for her. Her hospital bill from just the first two years was over $8 million. I stopped counting it after that. We had to sell my dream car and take out additional loans to buy a $40k handicap van which is actually on the cheap end. We had to move to a home that was handicap accessible.We can’t go anywhere but appointments bc she doesn’t control her body temp. I can hardly leave the house unless I have a really good nurse. Which is very hard to get or find. My husband has to take off from one or both his jobs often to stay in the hospital with her while I stay with our healthy son. She’s blind. Possibly deaf. We can’t tell for sure. She’s had so many terrifying surgeries. So many close calls. So much supplies and equipment needed to keep her alive. Even just going to her appointments takes an hour to load her.
I also had preeclampsia with my son but because I didn’t work or go to college, I was able to carry him to 36 weeks and he is healthy. I had much less stress. I was healthy and ate well while I was pregnant with her. I was only 23 years old. No family history of this happening. No warnings. Only knew an hour before she was delivered by emergency C-section which was a hard recovery. She stayed in the nicu an hour away for four months. We had to go there daily. It’s put strain on my marriage, family, Financial, plans for my future, wasted college degree. She’s totally worth it but this is something that could happen to anyone so giving the cold hard truth. We are lucky she is alive after all we have gone through. Not to mention it making me bipolar, me and husband have ptsd, I have depression and severe anxiety.
11 Likes
Tell him that you’re staying with your mom for a while to lower your stress.
1 Like
Take him with you to the doctor and let him tell him to chill tf out on you.
1 Like
Throw the whole husband out, he’s toxic
2 Likes
Y’all telling her to leave really? Y’all do not know her whole story! I need to know exactly what he’s doing. Cause even if she gets child support she may need a job that causes more stress
2 Likes
Set you off how? Like purposefully being an ass? Or because of the pregnancy you are extra? I am not trying to victim blame. I just know that when I was pregnant (especially my second) my husband could breathe wrong or I could find a cup in the wrong place and I was ready to start WW3 
Mabey he’s feeling just as scared and unsure as you are…and he’s not so good at expressing it clearly try talking to him on a date night when you go out for a meal and so you explaine and talk about how ure just as scared both are on same page qnd can support each other as a teams when new baby comes your going to need his support love and understanding even more just like he needs yours had it on my last child who came 6 weeks early my husband was just a scared and nervous as I was just dealt with it a different way he’s a fantastic father to all our children sometimes we all use use avoiding tactics to mask emotions
Make him go to the doctor with you. Have the doctor tell him personally all the risks. If he still wants to act like a douche, then leave. You and your kids deserve better.
2 Likes
Take him to a doctors appointment and have the doctor explain the effects this can have on you and your baby.
1 Like
I would leave… you can’t make someone treat you right…
1 Like
He knows what he’s doing pushing your buttons. Take him to your next appointment and have your doctor explain the dangers to you as and your baby. If he continues to make your life miserable, you need to kick him to the curb and quick. Personally, I would already have. A threat is a threat
1 Like
And from a mama of 2 kids in heaven. if he causes you to lose baby you will never make things work… hugs mama
1 Like
Unfortunately you can’t make people care if they don’t. You could try getting your Dr to talk about the dangers of getting it and how much stress can affect your pregnancy and baby in a negative way.
Snap 
let it all out. Tell him exactly how you feel. Leave no tables unturned.
1 Like
Take him with you to the doctor so they can explain it to him
1 Like
Does he want this baby? If he does not start taking it seriously the dangers you face take him to see the doctors. Or pack his bags.
My ex husband was the same way… I was put on bedrest at 22 weeks and he still didn’t take it seriously… hospital bedrest and preeclampsia with severe features at 26 weeks… delivered at 28 weeks… he NEEDS to take it seriously!!
Heather Gulley pfft lol no I just don’t accept gaslighting and abuse. I know that makes people who like to do that condescending, though.
Don’t talk to him about your condition, follow your Dr’s advice! Your husband is an inconsiderate jerk!
1 Like
Leave 6 years leave he’ll argue in delivery room how its not appointed to him
Take him w you to have a consultation with the dr and then have mom/or a family member move on in and help out for awhile.
2 Likes
Take him to your appointment and have the doctor explain it to him
1 Like
Get over yourself stop acting entitled he shouldn’t have to tiptoe around you just because choose to get pregnant only you can control you
13 Likes
Um hate to be the one to tell ya but yes stress isn’t good for any pregnancy and can raise BP…preeclampsia is a disorder from pregnancy and if you have it or get it especially early on it most likely isn’t from stress. You may need to take medication and have an early birth. Women with stress of a toddler while pregnant don’t just get preeclampsia, and women with no stress get it all the time. BP naturally raises when upset or stressed then goes back down, eclampsia is when for no reason your BP didn’t doesn’t go back down and can’t be lowered with meds so your organs start to fail. The only way to cure this is delivery of baby. issue is it’s so early in your pregnancy, usually it’s much later and then you’ll have to deliver baby. After delivering baby is the issue, if you develop eclampsia. So at this point (19 weeks) you’ll need to watch your weight gain and diet and stay active…as this is usually the reason you’ll develop preeclampsia. Also normal life stress shouldn’t give you high HBP. I think the issue will be more about how YOU control/manage your stress not your husband. Talk to you ob and ask to see a therapist to help you mentally manage this pregnancy.
7 Likes
He doesn’t care, the end .
1 Like
It’s a risk to you and your babies. I have two autistic kids and pre-eclampsia was the given reason. The same person who was setting me off constantly could not handle being a special needs parent either. Good riddance to him and all his bullshit. I’m telling you to leave before it gets worse, before you stroke out or god forbid lose a child or your sanity.
You are responsible for your triggers, how you respond and let things affect you.
9 Likes
He sounds le a gaint a$$hole idk if theres anything anyone can tell you to make him get it,but at this point the safty of you and you’re baby needs to be priority so either dont engage or ignore him,and deal with his bs later
1 Like
I had pre and post eclampsia and a premature infant from this situation. Shortly thereafter, I also had an ex husband.
4 Likes
Take him with you so your dr can explain the situation to him. If he still doesn’t get it, pack his bags, put them in the car and then drive him to his moms and dump him there. 
7 Likes
Can you stay with Mom or someone who can help you during your pregnancy.
Maybe call the Dr and have him explain it to your husband. Google it and have him read it or you read it out loud to him.
I would tell him if he’s not going to be “safe” to be around …he has to leave.
Or you do. But there must be peace whatever the outcome. God bless.
3 Likes
Leave. My other half is amazing, don’t get me wrong… but his understanding of other things he is just not comprehending about. So, i left. Yup 2 weeks, i left him with the kids and all. By the time i got back his attitude completely changed. If he is having a hard time with comprehension of what is to be done and how and when, he knows to ask. He’s a bit more compassionate now that he understands firsthand what i deal with on a day to day basis, while he finds escape. So now, if he starts slacking , a simple reminder is all i give.
2 Likes
Did you have the same compilations with your first child? Did he act the same way? If the answer is yes to both than he just doesn’t care or doesn’t understand. If the answer is no to the first question than talk to him with your doctor and the doctor can explain more in detail about it, if he still doesn’t care than im sorry sweetie 
2 Likes
Been there …exile that no good husband of urs to the couch:rofl: or better yet threaten him with no sex 
Prayers for you that’s no wait to live
Have your Dr explain to him what preeclampsia’s is and what it means for you and baby
Leave him. He never will b
Try and just do you 
I mean he shouldn’t even be doing anything to piss you off even if you didn’t have that smh
I honestly think it should be mandatory for men to take a crash course on both pregnancy and the menstrual cycle before getting married.
Everyone in favor, say “aye”.
4 Likes
You can not control other people.
You can only control how you react.
Also I’d love to know what “sets you off”.
6 Likes
Leave him. I doubt his bs is worth risking you or your baby.
Don’t let him set you off. Only you can control how you react. Working yourself up because you can’t control him catering to you is more of manipulation. What would you do if you were single with no husband? Stressing yourself out because you can’t control someone if making you hurt yourself.
3 Likes
All these women so quick to scream divorce…
Try having your Dr talk to him? Videos?
4 Likes
Have your Dr. explain your condition to him.
3 Likes
If you’re pregnant I would let him know it makes you at risk for placenta abruption. 2 of my babies I’ve lost because of it and I only had slightly high BP. Also, I know my cousins mom who has had high BP for so long her liver and kidneys are failing! But trying to get it through his head it’s life threatening would probably take a doctor? Idk
I say this from a place of love but no one has control over your emotions except you . We can’t allow others to dictate our emotions. That’s not to say that things won’t bother or upset us, but we need to recognize our own trigger points and learn how to cope for no other reason than it’s in our own best interest. Allowing yourself to get worked up is detrimental to your health, and your baby’s health at this point. There are always going to be things that happen to or around us that cause an emotional reaction. That’s totally normal! But we control how far we allow those emotions to overtake us. I am in no way saying your husband doing things to upset you is ok, because it’s not. But I doubt that the women who can so easily advise you to just up and leave your husband would do the same. It’s just bad advice. I would bring him to your next appointment to help better educate him, but personal accountability is a blessing and helps us be the best versions of ourselves
4 Likes
Take him to your next appointment and ask your doctor to explain to him what and how bad your situation really is. He isn’t taking it serious because he does not understand the severity of the risks.
4 Likes
Are you sure it’s not just your hormones getting the best of you? Maybe he needs to go to the dr with you and hear it from your dr. You need to make sure that you dont let things get to you so easily ( if that’s the case) men can be so inconsiderate and lack compassion but maybe he just needs to understand the seriousness of the situation
You need to go somewhere else…with my last (#8) I had to be rushed to the hospital. Got there had 3 nurses working on me, I almost died! You or baby and baby could die! He needs to kick.rocls and leave you alone. My husband tried to get me to lay down that night, if I would have listened me and baby would of passed that night. I ended up having to have an emergency c section at 29 weeks and 6 days…you dont play when it comes to you and your babys health.
3 Likes
Maybe you need to learn how to ignore it. Preeclampsia is not caused by your spouse stressing you out. You need to learn to let it go and not let it get to you.
5 Likes
Take him to Doctors with you on next visit. Sometime hearing it from a medical professional helps get thru to em
2 Likes
Have your doctor explain it to him and if he still does it then I would give him a choice of either stopping or leave.
3 Likes
Talk to your doctor about seeing a therapist. I was on mood stabilizer pills up until the third trimester and then saw my therapist weekly until the baby was born. I highly recommend this because when I wasn’t on the mood stabilizer pills I would get highly emotional and overreact to everything. Even now 2 week after giving birth I can feel myself needing that extra support from my therapist. It sucks but my husband understood after the doctor spoke to him about how serious it could get for not only the baby but for me. You could also request your doctor to print out that paperwork that has all that information on it for him. 
1 Like
You will never change him, you are incorrect if you think you can.
Kayley Cabalero Justin Wages
Back up you have a deadly disease and he thinks it’s funny? 
1 Like
They don’t ever get it. I know from experience.
1 Like
Get your dr to explain the seriousness of pre eclampsia please I am thankful you take it seriously! XO
3 Likes
You been in this situation over a year. You knew how he is and now your pregnant again ? Then you expect him to cater to you. Maybe what you expect him to do is a bit much. At 19 weeks if you BP was high enough you would be in the hospital. Do your housework slowly with rests in between. If BP gets high call your Doctor
7 Likes
Like this comment so I can come back pls. Ty!
2 Likes
Bring him to your next appointment
2 Likes
He either cares or he doesn’t. Nothing you do or say can make him less selfish.
2 Likes
Have your doctor talk to him? He either cares for yours and your babies health. If he does not than that is a huge red flag and I’d be reevaluating my marriage.
4 Likes
My daughter was dying from her feet up. Emergency c sect was necessary. Baby boy @ 26 weeks=1# 8oz
1 Like
Set you off, it’s up to you to control your emotions of pack and leave.
11 Likes
Have you ever heard you can’t change an old dog to do new tricks, may sound stupid but you can’t change him he has to want to…my separated husband was no better with all of my 3 pregnancies started fights got me so upset even said he was taking me to a park for a nice all day with food and relaxing in my 8th month instead it was a golf course where I was left in a hot car where he shot 9 holes with me crying the whole time…I was stuck! Nowhere else to go, no family and no friends I would dump on I had to take his crap… if you have better don’t go through my nightmare I am away from him now!
Maybe you can get your doctor to send some literature home about preeclampsia and what it means and what it can do. If he doesn’t respond, or even read the paperwork, you have n choice, you might have to temporarily leave from that situation. Take your kids and go. Stay with family or take the kids to a shelter of some kind. When the baby is born, you should call to let him know, then ask if he wants you to bring the baby to visit. His response to that may be the answer you’ve been waiting for… positive or negative…
1 Like
Take him to the next doctor appointment
5 Likes
No offense but you can’t and won’t change him. So instead of trying to control what he says or does, why don’t you change what YOU can control. With this said, you can control how you react to the situation. You know those things make your BP high, so two options, you ignore it, if you can’t then leave him.
12 Likes
You can figure out how not to let it trigger you. Is the expectation that he walk on eggshells? Certainly, I am sure there is room for him to be more considerate, but seems you have some wiggle room there also.
6 Likes
If he won’t take it seriously try to find somewhere to go and maybe have help for toddler (for example see if you could stay with your mom and have her help watch toddler) and let him think on the situation. Leave reading materials about it so he can read while he has time.
1 Like
This is my daughter when she was born at 29 weeks due to pre-eclampsia. 73 days in the NICU. She’s perfect now but it was extremely difficult in the beginning. You can show him her picture if you think it’ll help him understand but try your best to relax as much as possible and monitor your BP.
6 Likes
Maybe he’s just trying to make light of the situation, because he’s worried/concerned? If not, an alternative would definitely be to have the doctor speak to him directly at one of your next appointments. Your choice of words, “set me off” confuses me though… If your blood pressure is high because of your own anger then you might need to see a counselor or a therapist.