Take a minute and add up what you would make if you nannied babies, cleaned house, laundry, sex partnered, wet- nursed, shopped, decorated, cooked, professionally, for someone else. Most of these tasks would run $25-150 an hour. Tell me than, should you or your partner be the grateful one?
Can you post a picture of what he is complaining about? Maybe we can give you ideas.
I would get a job and work when he gets home and leave him with the kids while you work
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Act deaf he will get tired of you not listening and do something else ! Like HELP you !
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I’m sorry you’re going through this. A marriage is 100/100 not 50/50 and even though he goes into a job, he has to work at home too. I stay home and my husband will come home after a 10hr day and help me around the house. We have a 2, 4 & 6 yr old. Never does he complain. He always tells me that I have the hardest job 
You just admitted sitting there all day get off your ass and clean your dirty house
Tell him he knows where the cleaners are and then refuse to take it to heart.
Dishes trash out laundry a load or two ok each day .before work an after kids go to be a few hours it ok maybe tis will help
Oh Noo, don’t let him drain you, girl you just had a baby. Being a stay at home mom is a big deal. You can try telling him to care for the kids on his days off while you assort all the clutter. But really don’t do anything other that clean up so he can see how hard it is to care for the kids. It is not easy at all. What worked for me since I am a neat freak, when my son was a newborn I carried him on a baby carrier while breastfeeding, that way I had my hands free to clean my house. Now What I do is twice a month I stay up all Friday night and deep clean my house. I am done about 5am Saturday morning. It’s tough but it works for me. I have a 12 year old, a 4 year old and a 1 year old. I do everything in the house + I am an extreme couponer and have my own at home business selling stuff I find at low price, I pay all the utilities, food, all toiletries, and absolutely all the baby needs diapers milk etc He only pays mortgage and truck. One day he tried to bring me down and I set him straight. I told him if he didn’t like it there was the door. I will never let him be mean to me as it is being a 24/7 mom is serious now doing all the other things I do plus spouse duties is draining. They feel as if we are in bed all day when they are out working. But that is definitely not the case.
I stay home I have “2 under 2” and breastfed my youngest until a few weeks ago they’re now 2&1 but when I only had 1 child my house was spotless with 2 it’s a whole new ball game. I come from a middle eastern family so naturally I feel like a failure when my house is a disaster. my husband would come home and complain in the beginning of me staying home and he didn’t mean to come off as blaming me but that’s how I took his tone when he complained about the house. I naturally felt responsible. When the kids are down for a nap do toy pickup and vacuum it’s about impossible to do anything else when they’re awake. If you have a baby gate or play pen and safe space for the older baby to play or just something to entertain them and little baby in a baby carrier, pack and play so you can do a little more.
We now have designated “chores” I wash the laundry & fold he puts it away he does all the dishes and I wipe the counters. I keep up with the kids stuff/bedrooms, the living room, bathrooms and the floors. He takes care of the yard work and cars. But with him having chores I don’t nag him when he will get it done and I have to expect it won’t be done exactly the way I would do it but hey it gets done. I take the kids on play dates and classes. He makes dinner. We started leaving the kids with my in-laws Sunday mornings so we can have a break, have breakfast together watch church service and deep clean the house.
If you can both keep in mind you’re on the same team. It’s his mess too and two small children so young is a lot and nothing about home renovations are clean. just communicate, ask him what his expectations are what can he help with and he needs to understand what you realistically can do and how your day goes.
Boy, bye. You deserve better… someone who’s appreciative of the work YOU contribute.
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Whatever you do, you have a full right to maintain your sanity n of course self respect!! Never forget that
let him stay home with the kids and you go out. he will change his attitude
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He can help or hire a housekeeper.
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He’s a big boy. If something bothers him that much tell him to do something about it
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Well you work 24/7 never get to check in or check out. He signed up for this for better or worse. 50 50. I had to put my foot down with my husband. He tried that bs on me and I shut that noise down. Do what you can and don’t beat yourself up about it. Plain and simple he needs to help. Just cause he punches out from work doesn’t mean his responsibility as a husband and father have ended too. Hugs to ya sweetie.
You are doing enough, mommy 
If the “mess” bothers him THAT MUCH he should help out and clean it up himself 
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Shame on him! Don’t let him make you feel guilty…stay strong and tell him you need his help! 
Sounds like you have bigger problems than clutter.
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Blessed Sunday! May life changing opportunities not be far from us and our family! 
Te him to go and live with his mum. He’s obviously precious 
Tell him u want a divorce I’m single it’s awesome no one complains if I cook or clean or if I shave freedom
Go on strike, just take care of the kids, let him take care of everything else.
Just be easy on yourself ok attend to the 4 main rooms close the bedroom doors .theit just slept in …
You both have full time jobs. If he can’t understand that, you are going to have issues for the rest of your lives. I have a few friends that I know deal with this different ways. I have a friend whose husband gets home from work and they take turns, one cleans the house and one watches the kids for an hour a day. Another friend and her husband both have a “day off” one takes Saturday, one takes Sunday and that is their day to do whatever they want. It won’t get the house clean but it might get him to respect you.
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Tell him to F-ing clean it then.
Told my husband to clean it if it bothers him. Shut him up instantly
A kick up the hole I’d give him.
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Tell him to do it himself if he really cares, I work and do most of the housework etc
Tell him that if it makes him that unhappy, he can clean it
Just don’t do anything for a few days, he’ll understand after the mess starts to happen.
Leave him with the kids and house work for a few days by himself,he’ll understand.
I would have told him to hire a cleaning service then. The fact that you are a SAHM does not mean that you do not “work”. SAHP (parents) do the work equivalent of TWO full time jobs but get no benefits, no sick days, no vacation, no lunch break, no backup or help, NOTHING. Bringing home a paycheck does mean he is doing his part. Not even close. I read posts like this every single day, over and over and over again and all I think is “Who raised these men to believe that they are pulling their weight simply by bringing home a paycheck??” AND why are so many women tolerating this and accepting it as “normal male behavior”??
Then tell him to fix it the way he likes it!
🥲good that you are reaching out…it helps 
Tell him you’ll gladly switch places
Inviting you to look into Laura Doyle coaching
We pick 1 day a weekend and my husband and me clean together what I couldnt get to during the week or what was messed up again after cleaning all week. We also have split the cooking . I cook all week and he lets me rest on the weekend and he will get up with our 7mth old son and let me sleep in since I’m pregnant . My husband is super protective though and I am not allowed (more liked asked not to ) use bleach and a lot of cleaning products at this time . So he will do all the major cleaning as long as i sweep mop vacuum dust and do the laundry and dishes. I also pay all the bills and handle all things that are considered business or medical .
Ask him to swap u …much easier to go to work
Sounds like my.Ex…
Pay a cleaning service.
On his day off let him be the “stay at home” dad for the day. Don’t forget to remind him that in addition to childcare there’s also cleaning & meals! My hubs never said anything about the house being messy or whatever but when I would complain about being tired and needing his help he did once say, “why are u tired you don’t have to go to work all day, ur lucky u get to stay home.” He has a rotating schedule with some weekdays off, So when I went back to work after maternity the two little ones were home with him. Let’s just say I came home and he looked like he got run over by a truck and I never heard him say that again🤷🏻♀️
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Get a maid to help out .
Time for a new husband. 
Sound like he needs a weekend with the house, while you visit your mom…
Tell the ungrateful dude to build himself a shed to live in so that he can keep it “just so.”
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Clean during nap time. Keep the dogs outside. Put dinner in a crockpot when u wake up in the morning… Keep a designated toy play area. Kids dont have to own the entire house… Just my two cents 🤷
I’m here if you’d like to talk …he sounds selfish
Tell him youre not his mother but he is your partner…its his job to keep the house organized too
His day don’t end soon as work is over.
Show him where the broom, mop, Lysol, washer and dryer r. 
Tell him to show you how to maage you time so you can get it all done he wont be able too
Así him to pay you a maid
Speaking to a marriage therapist privately with the two of you would likely help a lot… sending you support.
All I can say is REALLY!
Please watch tidying up with Marie Kondo. It really helped me organize my home and create positive atmosphere.
Hire a cleaning lady and go on a play date!
I’m sorry, that sucks! Maybe he will be better Ex-husband. 
Tell him to talk to you like an adult, that the two babies he made is taking a lot of your time. Ask him to give you time to get things in order when you just started redoing your kitchen. That you will work on it but maybe he could care for the babies sometime so you can clean.
I’d like to see how the house would look if things were reversed. It’s hard to do what your doing. Some husbands are just dumb to how hard it is to clean and care for kids, cook, ugh!!! Sorry girl!
Honestly, when you are comfortable leaving your baby with somebody…get a job. I don’t think he is emotionally abusive, I just think he is ignorant. He can’t possibly understand what life is like for you at home. He hasn’t lived it. I had this same argument with my husband for 8 years. It was so incredibly frustrating. The only thing that fixed it, was when our youngest entered preschool and I got a job outside the home. Now he pulls his own weight and then some and we never fight over division of labor anymore. Plus I get to leave the house and feel like a human again.
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Cleaning was overwhelming when I was a stay at home mom. I had my kids enrolled in daycare from 8-2 2-3 days a week and it really helped my mental health along with having enough energy to do more than just feed the kids and survive the day. We all need a break.
Your husband needs to help around the house. Doing a full time job isn’t nearly as much as being a full time mother and home maker. Instead of running you down his responsibility as a father and husband is to support you as a mother and wife. He needs to grow up.
Girl I know how you feel and I know how upsetting it is to be criticized by the ones we love most and who are suppose to love us but dont walk in our shoes on a daily basis. It has taken my husband 11 years to finally understand. But 5 years ago I was in your shoes but with 2 more children than you have. There were days I would not be able to do more than tidy up the house. And then I got real depressed and feeling like the worst mom and wife. But then I woke up and realized I am the best mom for my babies because God choose me to be their mom. I am not perfect and there are days when the kids get hot dogs and mac and cheese for dinner, my house may not always be emasculate but it is clean and lived in and memories are being made and quality time is spent with the family and that is what matters the most.
Hugs. I was just there, feels like yesterday. My girls are 20 months apart. I became a stay at home mom.
Breastfeeding a baby ALONE is difficult. Add a toddler onto that 
. I have never had family or close friends near us. I have never had a dishwasher. I have 2 dogs also!!
Your husband seems clueless. Thats on him. I had a breakdown when my youngest was 3 mo and I was trying to juggle it all- by all- I mean kids and house, making sure bills were sent on time. Grocery shopping used to put me in straight anxiety mode.( It was 45 min to get to a regular grocery store)
I made him start grocery shopping. He started making sure bills were sent. I made it so he came home and he got to be with the kids for a couple hours so I could shower and clean (stop and feed as necessary, of course).
He learned a few things, quite quickly. What I do IS work. If not, why can’t you come home and jump right in taking over for a bit? Relax? Isn’t that what you think I do all day? So have the kids for a bit, yea babe, and relax. Hehehe… oh its hard to do what you WANT when you have them? Think about how hard it is to do what I NEED. And the mental guilt that comes with it. He learned to enjoy his drive to and from work. I rubbed that time in as well. Lol. Its ALONE TIME.
And finally he stepped in helping with dinner and dishes.
But what I have come here to tell you, mommy, this time passes SO FAST. I know, I would want to back hamd me too, while in the thick of it.
But,these days, these “groundhog days” (like the movie), will soon be over. There may be different hardships down the line, but enjoy your littles while they are little.
Your husband can recognize your hardship and dig in with you, if he doesn’t value him and his time over you, your self care, mental health, and the environment his children are in. I hope he can see that and join you on your parenthood journey.
Also, love, there is a HUGE difference between lived in and dirty. Maybe a few days off will prove that? Lol
Hugs. Best of luck. Ever need to chat- feel free to message me. New moms need someone to talk to who won’t judge them or their spouse. I get it.
It will change soon. My girls are 4 and 6 now. But you took me back to the hardest days of my life.
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Yes! Tell him you married for better or for worse, this is the worse part and you love him and if he loves you remind him that you didn’t make these kids yourself so if he doesn’t like it, pitch in or shut up.
You’re just making a fuss over nothing, he works for you to keep home, look for his off days or weekends when he’s at home, hire or invites a hand to help you clean the mess while he helped you taking care of the baby and equally supporting you with ideas when ask for.
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If he does not like it he needs to hire a house keeper.
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My house was always clean cause I kept a schedule. I worked and commuted so I was gone for 11 hours of the day. I still cooked, laundry. Food shopping and took care of 2 kids. My husband worked nights, so when a woman complains about all the “work” she has to do in 16 hours, when I only had 5 hours, they can go whine to someone else. Suck it up housewives, you have no idea how easy you have it. Smh.
Clean the house your job in your time!! Useless bloody whinging women!!! You should live back in 1950s no nothing to help you in the house then!!
Get rid of him. He is an undercover abuser. You and your kids deserve better.
I’ll be blunt. Your husband is being an ass. But, we’ve all been there. Mine never understood until I left him with the kids for a weekend, he hardly survived let alone cleaned the house. Now he works 12 hour swing shifts and still helps when he knows I’m buried. Because he knows I’m doing my best and a lot can go sideways between 8AM and bedtime
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Tell him to stfu or clean it himself if it bothers him so much !
Stop doing what you do on a daily basis. Remember, you ARE a GREAT mother!! You ARE an amazing wife!! Thus will be important. He WILL loose his shit!! Do just enough to get through day to day. It will be extremely hard! But, you have a point to prove. Show him exactly what you do by not doing it anymore. Hopefully it will drive your point really good. When he finally (and Hopefully) realizes how big of a jack hole he’s been, have him help you get it all back in order.
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Redirecting...
Tell him to F*ck off, and that if he doesn’t like it to do it himself or leave. Know your worth. 
Vichhaka Victoria Eang
There’s a huge control issue there. He makes the money so you do as he says. Your mess is his mess and it’s all your fault even if your not a size 13 shoe in the middle of the floor. Stand up for yourself and tell him if the arrangement is such an issue call Molly the maid or threaten to go back to work. They hate hearing that. Because that means they have to be a dad now. Don’t let him mind fuck you.
Tell him to FUCK OFF
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He should be thankful to have you
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Tell him to make necessary changes when he gets there. You do your best and if he doesn’t like it then he can pick up the fucking slack.
Your great wife n mom .
Tell him if he doesn’t like the job you do he can do it his damn self! Emotional abuse is awful talk to him about therapy maybe if some one unbiased tells him he is full of shit he will get it.
Ok can msg me if she needs someone to talk to and vent
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Leave him… This is how it starts! Shortly after I had my (2 from previous marriage 7 years prior) 3rd child but first with my ex he started saying stuff like this and acting this way, I stayed. I thought it was stress and kept making excuses for his behavior. We had another child. Before I left, he had completely controlled all finances down to how much gas I had. He would only put enough gas in the car to go to whatever appt I had and would get me fired from any job I tried to take in different and more creative ways each time! Our youngest child is now 8. A few months ago my 8 year old told me that he hates when his daddy talks mean to me and wishes we could have our own house. I move into our new house Feb 1st! Don’t let it get that bad! Love and support from a stranger that wishhes better for you
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Nothing will ever be clean enough for a man that does not clean. Ever. Period. Also no man will ever understand what it is like to give birth to breastfed and handle kids house cooking and well in most cases a giant man child.
I know my house looks like a shit show. I have 5 kids. Sick parents I was in school and kids home most of the time due to covid. It will never be clean. Depression set in and it got worse. My bf is bothered by the mess and I even hate the mess. But its how the conversation starts and how he treats you during it. I do what absolutely has to be done and then worry about the rest.
It sounds like he has no respect for what you do and I hate that for you. My ex husband was like that. Put me down tell me all that I didn’t do etc. I would talk to him about all you do and say hey right now im doing my best. Im sorry its not good enough. If something isn’t clean enough for you I won’t stop you from helping and cleaning. But I do not go to your job and tell you what you don’t do right or good enough.
Damn girl RUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN
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Well he needs to help and the dogs need to go to a day care and you need to call and get assists from your mother or his. He has no right to bitch. You have EVERY right to expect his undived attention and support. AND he better help you with a smile on his face and love in his eyes OR he can expect to pay for child support and alimony.
Get a cleaning lady problem solved
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I have so many friends who come to me with this issue 
for starters congratulations on breastfeeding!!! That is a 24 hours a day job and a very hard one at that. I was a stay at home mom for the last 6 years and damn it’s the most rewarding, tiring, physically demanding job there is. I can understand his frustration however… They are not just your kids, it’s not just your house, and you are not the only one who lives and makes messed in it. If there is something he’s not happy with he should get up and do it himself. I sat down with my man and I asked him how he would feel if I came to his job, threw my boots in the middle of the walkway and one step behind him all day to mess up the work he’d done how he would feel about it? His answer was " well I’d be pissed" I said well I do it 7 days a week with no days off with two kids and several animals ruining what I just cleaned but I never complain so if he thinks he could do my job better than me then we should switch! I also asked him what a lunch break is like? He was confused I said what is it like to eat lunch in the quiet, with out having to share or get up to get someone something what is it like? He definitely got a hint after that one. Stay at home mom do not get to do anything without an interruption!! We can’t shit, shave, shower, eat, or clean without having to stop and do something else for someone else. Ask him if he thinks he could handle doing your job and then having you come home and complain!! Would he still get up every morning and go back to work… I highly fricken doubt it. You’re a good mom, wife, and person and if he thinks the house needs to be cleaner he should hire a fucking maid! I’m sorry it’s not ok, it’s bullshit. I’d skip doing anything for a few days and then ask him if one dirty counter top was worth all that fuss!
Well said Crystal Ann Johnson
My husband tried complaining about the house for a little bit. I was a SAHM at the time with 2 kids but I was also (and still do) homeschooling both of them. Not long after that I went out of town for a week and he got to do it all with the kids and school. I never heard another word from him after that about why the house wasn’t always perfect. When you have kids home all day its not easy keeping it all perfect if your kids are allowed to be kids.
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Tell him to clean it !!! You both working, looking after the kids is hard work !!
Go to work. You give him all of this power over you because he is the financial provider so he feels he has the right to treat you like the kids because he takes care of you. Find you a job and let him see that you are an adult that can add more to the household than just caring for the kids and the home
seriously can’t believe some men still think/act this way. Single.for.life.
You did not make the children by yourself so quickly, you did not cause the fire, he needs to have the kitchen renovated asap, assist with the kids and you insist on a day/night off, let him look after the kids…You need some alone time to recoup mentally…home making is a 24/7 job, house work is never finished and to crown it all you have 2 babies…
Stay strong and know in your mind you are doing a good job. Hopefully he will wake up and see how hard you work or take one day and do nothing but take care of the children .
Most men feel that way. If they have stay at home wives. They want order of some sort. It’s not narcissistic to want to come home to a half way decent home and pay to keep mom at home to One save money on daycare and two keep the kids with the safest person. Went through this watching my son work 12 hour days 6-7 days a week with a stay at home mom that did absolutely nothing and the home was disgusting! That all goes two ways. I’d say if you want to split the house chores go work outside the house and pay daycare for strangers to watch the kids. Then it’s a split deal.
Tell your bitch to shut up or help you clean up! End of discussion.
Tell him you need his help pitch in and help
I would also ask him why he’s talking to you like that