You have two small children, renovating and he has the nerve to tell you the house needs cleaning? Just keep doing what needs doing and ignore him . Your doing the best you can and don’t let anyone say anything different!! Tell him you’re doing exactly everything that needs to be done. Leave it at that! When renovated then clean up or get a box and throw everything in it and tell him to dig around for what he needs. Just because the house is messy doesn’t mean it’s not clean! Give yourself a break…
Here’s what you do. Leave him with the kid’s for 8 hours and see what he gets done. I would rather go to work then stay home. It’s easier. He doesn’t appreciate what you do. So let him see for himself. My boyfriend was doing this until I made him watch the kid’s. He’s never bitched about having to go to work since. It’s a lot of work!!
It’s part of growing as a family. I went to an extreme of cleaning the kitchen when it was time to make him dinner. After a week he chose to eat dinner instead of having a clean house. I apologized the whole week about not having dinner ready. I said it was a new routine and I was trying to get use to it. After I made a different routine the kids needed to be watched so I left my hubby and kids in the living room so I could “catch up” on cleaning. Made dinner and cleaned up living room before I ate. He then had to feed the kids and himself while they watched me clean up their mess they made while I did other stuff. He came around to realization of what kids and homes with small kids look like. Our house is in order now that our boys are 13,15 and 17. I miss those sticky jelly counters and door fronts. Time will help as we all grow together as a family.
When my four children were young,I stayed home.I about drove myself crazy trying to keep everything clean.An elderly lady told me to enjoy my children, and do what I could.She said “this house will be here when you are gone”.I relaxed.My house was usually clean, and I enjoyed my children much more.They are all grown now with their own children, and grandchildren.
Stop he went to a friend’s house lol my husband gets no free time if I get no free time. I’m serious if he wants it clean he should clean it or grab the kids so you get a hour or two in the evening to clean it. Speaking of there his as well why is parenting 24 7 for moms but dads work 8 to 10 hours and need a break. People treat you how you let them.
Talk to me anytime.My health went bad and my favorite part is now he has to do housework and shop.God has a plan for men like that.I worked myself to death w no words I was doing a good job ever.
This isn’t the 50’s. Your job NEVER ends whereas he gets to leave his job. If he isn’t pleased with the house when he comes home, he can clean it his damn self. You’re not his maid. You are his wife. The two are NOT interchangeable.
1 Like
He needs to switch places with you. Being a stay at home mom is no joke, I prefer to go out and work 8-12 hrs than stay home with the kids. If he doesn’t change the way he thinks and acts with you, it will ruin YOU ! you will have self worth problems and you will always doubt yourself. You do soooo much and he doesn’t deserve it. I have my kids on the weekend and I LOVE them but even then it’s a lot and I NEVER have time for myself (I get it I am responsible for my kids) but DAMNNNN can I breath
1st off you have a 3 month and a 2 year old… he can either help or keep his mouth shut… I have a 1 and a 9 year old. My man didn’t start complaining til the baby was 1. ( and now I dont care I do the best I can as im sure you do to.) Talk to him and if he doesn’t listen then maybe yall need to have a whole different talk if you know what im saying! Good luck
Women are very unappreciated that’s the problem…I’m so sorry you have to go through this…We forget how to help one another and how to love one another and support one another and that’s the problem…Praying for better
A fire isn’t something to laugh about and if y’all are still in the midst of repair, of course its going to be cluttered until its done. If it is such an issue, then a few clear plastic containers with things that aren’t used every day will help and he can be the one to pick them up since he is making such a fuss about it. However, he doesn’t need to be speaking to you in such a way. My hubby works full time and comes home to help me. I am 8 months pregnant with our little girl. A real man doesn’t complain like that instead works with you to help make it easier on both of you. Give yourself some grace momma, you have your hands full with two littles and two fur babies. If he can’t help, then show him the door and get away from him. You don’t need that kind of emotional turmoil
I used to babysit for a family with three young kids. At least 2-3 times a year she would go and spend the weekend shopping with her sister and leave him alone with the three kids. When she returned he never complained about how much she spent or the state of the house–having to take on her role of stay at home parent made him realize how hard she worked raising the kids.
Not cool!!! Maybe he should help out!!! I have been pretty lucky to be at home to raise our kids & work my business around them as they grew. They are now 22, 18 & 17…2 still at home. Both my husband & I have always worked together in building our home & caring for our children. If he doesn’t like something then change it & not put the blame on someone else. Both my husband & I know how we like things as I do have OCD & a few things he finds weird. Anyways, we are team & we work together well.
Imagine being a single mom, doing all the mom duties, and working full time and paying all the bills!? Then what? Your house would still be messy? I can’t live in a messy house. And I don’t expect a man to work full time and come home and clean too
1 Like
1 thing I’ve learned to accept this year - nothing is permanent.
Your babies will grow up, your house isn’t permanent, your kitchen situation isn’t permanent, even your husband isn’t permanent lol. So… tell your husband to take a chill pill and everything will get in order when the time comes. Everything has its time but it all needs patience. And yes you’re correct, your husband probably is feeling this way because he saw your friends house clean and organized but make sure to reassure him that your friend probably cleaned that house for an entire week before you guys went over so that her house looks clean for her guests. I don’t know any family who lives in a staged magazine looking home.
Right now, take care of your babies and your body. Your home can wait or have him hire help or ask him to take your older child for a few hours so we can do whatever it is you need to do.
1 Like
Stand up for yourself. Remind him that what you do isn’t easy and if he had complaints he is welcome to participate. Furthermore he should still help. He’s a grown man and a partner. You are a stay at home mom but that does not make you the house slave. Sometimes they have no real understanding of what it takes to do what you do. I had to remind my husband that I’m only 1 person tending to every single need. But he’s never going to know how you feel if you just stuff it down to keep the peace. You ARE an equal in your household. Remind him every time he does that talking down, that you are an adult not one of the children. This is an opportunity for y’all to grow as a couple. But if you’ve been allowing his treatment then you are allowing him to become comfortable with treating you that way. If he’s really your partner he will be willing to listen. Even if he fights it, because mine gets defensive too, but he hears what i say and processes it along the way. He deserves the chance to learn and grow too.
1 Like
Owning a home, having 2 children is a joint affair. Yes his job, brings in money. Your job is so much more multi tasked, and there is no well deserved pay check at the end of the month. Men need to realise that being a breadwinner is just simply not the end of their job. Your self worth should be lifted and not put down.
Sounds toxic. Im sorry 
im a stahm of 5 and my house is a never ending cycle of laundry and dishes. I could clean all day and it will not be clean by the end of the day… i know my husband is annoyed by it some days. But he will come home and help… Its his house and kids too. No belittling, no making me feel bad.
1 Like
Let him help with the kids when he gets home. Its a partnership. If the house is going through renovations then it won’t be clean untill it is over
When my husband tells me that the kitchen top is cluttered I tell him that he can help himself and clean it. He moves a couple of things and let it go. I also have two young children and work more than 42hrs a week. One off I take a day of vacation to do a decluttering exercise at home.
Well I don’t know what to say cause I work and have to take care of the house and kids. Obviously my choice that I’m single, but at least you have some help somewhere.
You can always take videos of what you do all day or write down times and what you did. Then show it to him. But I don’t really know, even when the kids dad I were together, we both worked and payed bills and took care of the house and kids.
Good luck, it looks like you’re getting some good advice from everyone. Hoping it’ll get better for you.
Most people have no idea how much work a stay at home does on the daily and breastfeeding to add to that… you are doing a great job! Love your children and do the best you can. Things will get better. As your toddler gets bigger they can help you a bit and want to help. Teaching them is most important at this juncture. Your husband will have to deal with it or help. 
I work 5 days a week and my husband is gone all week for work and only home on the weekends and try’s to start this with me, I am responsible for everything on my own all week, work, taking care of the kids 13 and 11 so not a very helpful age, the animals, sports, etc. and he knows Saturday mornings is my big cleaning day but still he comes home Friday nights and complains. I just ignore him, it’s not worth fighting and I’m used to it, if he doesn’t like it, he can clean too, and it’s not even dirty just messy. I was a stay at home mom too when my kids where younger, so I know the struggle in both scenarios.
You need to pick a day he’s not at work and leave him with the kids just a few hours. He will not understand until he has to deal.
1 Like
Why would you allow this to be a marital issue?
If he wants the kitchen cleaner, simply clean it. If you aren’t capable ask for help.
Honestly, I’m super petty, I’d stop doing anything that is his, laundry, putting his stuff away, picking up any mess he made, cooking for him… see how long he lasts… if he doesn’t think ur doing all u can, let him try and work all day, which is what u do, while also keeping up with only his stuff let alone a whole house 
but that’s me…
1 Like
I’m a home maker hun my house never stays way I like it .just do what you can dont dout yourself. Your only one person. He should leaned a hand an understand your not alone in all this .its never easy being a mom an working to .just tell yourself do as u can your doing a wonderful job .give him a list to do .let him carrying on the luggage to
No, it’s not you. He can help, too. At what point do YOU get to just relax, after working all day? No, you’re expected to be “on duty” 24/7. Many and maybe most dads, have it easy. My dad never helped and neither did my husband. And that was even after I went back to work. I was still expected to do it all.
Men especially have no idea how busy you are with really small children. My advice, go away for the weekend without him and the kids. Let him take care of everything . Then he will see what you do all day. Maybe then he will Appreciate everything you do
Ppl saying his job is to work and pay bills, and hers is the house and kids…
That is very men above,women below old school! She should not be working 24/7 and him only 8-10 per day.
If he thinks his job is over once the bills are paid, and she has to take care of everything else, then he could just as easily pay child support while she has a life and job, not to mention the ability to leave the damn house to the sitter to go work and family support on tip of that.
This is why so many men are on child support now. Women are standing up for themselves more and more every day and that’s fantastic! Tell him to get with the program or pay for it💯
Tell him to stay home with the kids by himself just one day then he can see that it is just like having a job but you just don’t get paid. Bet his attitude would change before the day was even over.
1 Like
I remember my time i was once living like that had 2 babies to care for n no help all you hearing was criticizing i am not doing enough but i live with it until my kids get big
You have a 2 year old and a 3 month old. He needs to go to hell with his complaining. Kick him to the curb if he doesn’t understand how difficult it is to have 2 littles. The newborn alone is tough.
I haven’t read others advice but mine would be put him in your shoes for the weekend, see how well he copes, they really don’t understand until they have lived it themselves.
You clean up after you and the kids and leave his stuff for him to do. When they realize how much you do to keep them in clean clothes and food and clean dishes, they should start appreciating how hard you work every day, not just a 5 day a week, 8 hours a day job. If that doesn’t work, he isn’t worth the trouble and toss his ass out the door.
Actually take a day off from everything except feeding the children dont clean anything dont do anything n then let him complain or on his day off get up in the morning pump some milk give it to him as say( I need a day off )n leave go to a friends go anywhere that makes you happy stay for a few hrs
Wake up one morning before he does and leave him a note that you scheduled yourself some me time. Leave instructions for him to handle the kids and be sure to pump and have breast milk ready to go. Let him figure out about the emergency at hand, call into work that he can’t make it and let him have a clean house for you to come home to.
1 Like
This is a strange way to go with this but if you aren’t sexually close and regular he will find things to pick on? I’m sorry this is happening he should come home and I help I hate men that think just because the job is over they get to go home and be lazy I’m sorry he is being a terd
Advice? If he doesn’t like the way it looks, he should clean it himself.
1 Like
Get a job and then you can tell him you both have to do the chores. Or leave him home for a week with the kids and let him see how much he gets done. I’d also suggest telling him that just because you aren’t bringing in money you contribute just as much to the household and he needs to suck it but then again I don’t deal well with guys who treat women that way 
You are married to a narcissist. Things aren’t going to get better. He’ll have you jumping through hoops thinking if I only do A. B., and C. THEN he’ll be happy, but that day will never come. Abuse isn’t always physical or verbal. Emotional abuse is equally as painful. I’ve been through this too. You’re going to need help to get out of this situation. Start talking to friends and family. Start making a plan and make sure he knows nothing about it. I promise you’ll be doing yourself, and your children a HUGE favor.
I was with a severely abusive narcissist and he never was either , run while you can
It is impossible with a toddler because u literally clean the same stuff 20x thesame day n still looks the same… ok talk to him n offer a switch of role. Have him stay home n u go to work n see how clean he can have the place
Ask three girl friends to come over and help for the day and have them stay till he gets home sit for dinner with you and him. When you get up have them describe what they contributed to make the house to his approval. When they leave tend to his needs and whisper “I had the day off thanks to my friends don’t expect this every night unless you tend to help me in some way”
Comparison is the thief of joy, never compare your life to your friends… once the babies are weaned and potty trained it will get easier. Power clean the living room right before he gets home, walking in seeing clean will give him rose colored glasses to every thing else.
Get a job if you don’t like the responsibilities of staying home with the kiddos. It’s not for everyone
1 Like
I had an ex like that…I was expected to run the household including doing his laundry like from the moment he moved in with me. I took care of everything kid related also. I wasnt just a stay at home mom either, I worked a couple days a week when my son was in school. But according to him my job was easier, I didn’t work as many hours so I had all the time in the world to handle everything else too. I think he picked my son up from school once maaaybe twice. He treated me like not only a child but also a servant. Its never a healthy thing thus why he’s now an ex and he’s still unhealthy using the children as pawns. I would definitely seek out counseling or figure out if it’s even worth sticking around
You are doing the best you can do. If it doesn’t meet his approval…is his arm broke?? He can help. I have a husband that doesn’t help n it would be good therapy to take dishes out of dishwasher!!
My guy is the same way. Except I work 2 jobs to his 1, do all the chores, feed the pets, pay the bills, & get his lazy ass up for work. And these will be just some of the reasons why he’s gonna be out on his ass soon…
Sounds like a wanker. Just tell him straight, man up. I do an endless list of chores and activities whilst caring for our children, pets and home.
Organisation is the key. If he off for a couple of days go out buy some plastic boxes and put all ur clutter into them. When the kitchen is fixed/renovation then it’s tíme to get the stuff out of the plastics boxes. When der less clutter everything looks better.
1 Like
Tell him you have 2 kids that completely rely on you 24/7 and just because his 9 to 5 pays this bills and your 24/7 job does not pay bills does not give him any right to gripe at you, if that small " dirty" area bugs him so bad he can clean it too.
Easy, just stop cleaning for an entire week. So when you start up again, he will be much more appreciative as he will see what it is like when you actually don’t do anything.
Sadly it only gets worse a 2 year old & a baby don’t even make messes just wait until they’re 4 & 6 or 6 & 8. Then you’ll know the real meaning of filthy. Love, hugs & prayers for peace with it all until they’re grown💙
I’m so sorry you have to deal with that! My husband has always given me grace when it come to our children & the amount of time it takes out if our lives to breastfeed. Is this the first child you’ve breastfed? Men can have post partum depression & even experience jealousy over babies… just a thought!
Hire a helper to take care of the baby so you can clean the house like you like but what I’m finding is having less is best. And it is ok for dad and hubby to help he lives there too
Get rid off any clutter. Just throw it out. Less clutter will relieve the stress in the household. Clutter raises stress level in people who are already stressed because of bills and responsibilities.
This really isn’t about cleaning. He doesn’t respect you. Try to find out why. Dies he ever call out what you do well? And, fir the record, HIS inadequacies are in play with the competition with the friend’s house, don’t make those feelings yours.
Leave him with the kids and write a list of what you do on a daily basis that you want him to do. Leave for the same amount of time he is gone while working.
Let him see what it is you go through. He may or may not get the hint.
He should be helping you You work as hard in the home as he does at his job!!!He has a big problem!!!
I know this sounds not fare but if he’s working and your home with the 3 kids there is a time when you can clean or declutter I had 3 kids and I know how it was but my husband out paying rent and bills I’ll do keep house clean organized and dinner done so you should get a plan going when the kids nap time hope everything works out for you and your family
Heres what I did…I went on vacation alone 20 yrs ago for a week. Now he does floors and laundry. They never know until they experience it.
1 Like
Ok so watch tidying up with Marie Kondo on Netflix. It will give you lots of ideas. Start with one room and organize everything first. Get baskets and sort out everything. Make bed everyday which barely take 5 mins. Put away everything behind the doors( in cabinets, drawers and cupboard ). Put kids toys in one room and clean up every day before going to bed. Shouldn’t take more than 15 mins. For cooking, cook food which should last 2 days. Arrange your kitchen, put away all the pots and pans that you don’t use. You will learn alot from that show and just be grateful that many people wish for the things that you have. You have a choice to stay home with kids while your husband is taking care of finances. It will take little effort but really worth it.
You need some help. Your children are little. Maybe hire a cleaner part time.
If he doesn’t like it, then HE should do something about it! He will not die if he folds laundry or takes out the trash.
Head off for the day and leave him home alone with kids he ll soon change his tune
My husband is exactly the same but I have to work fulltime as well as look after 2 kids (one only 20 months old), cook every night, clean, breastfeed and get up all night and he goes to bed between 8 and 9pm every night. I started not doing quite as much at home anymore and he is now realizing that the house can look a lot worse than it did. I went out once with my friend for 2 hours and left him with the kids and he ended up texted me and asking when will I be home, he even had his mother there with him but he couldn’t handle it. Men!! He wants to live in the 60s and have a wife who cooks, cleans and looks after the kids but also wants a wife who works fulltime too. He can’t have it both ways and he is slowly learning that he is wrong! He doesn’t like that at all.
3 Likes
Get a roomba…pet hair problem solved there. And you’re doing the best you can mama… there will always be a house to clean just take care of your boys the best you can and take a breather for yourself!
Maybe you should simplify things… like it there is clutter, get rid of some items that you don’t need or use…
Its a big difference walking into a house that isn’t cluttered and every thing has a place and then walking into one that has stuff everywhere.
My thought, if you dont need it or use it, get rid of it.
I stayed home with my youngest, and the house was clean, meals cooked etc… but the house was extremely neat and clean to begin with…this made it easier to do extra things like clean the fridge or vacuum the heaters on a regular basis…I had two large dogs as well and two kiddos. Once you get ahead of the clutter, things will be easier
Kids, dogs, renovations girl you get any sleep. I’ve done the 5 kids, the job, the house, but I told my husband he would help me. Now after years of sharing what needs done we still feel frustrated sometimes but we live a life shared not blamed.
I was a stay at home mom for 2 years and even though my husband was the only one working outside the home, he still helped with things around the house and with the kids bc guess what?!? They’re his kids too!! Your husband sounds like a dick.
It’s sounds like you are doing your best. Breast feeding is time consuming but so worth it for the baby and you. He needs to stop comparing and start helping!
You can’t talk to your own family? That is def an issue I think. People don’t change! We can’t make them change. Only if they want to change them it will happen. Keep up the good work momma 
If he doesn’t like the way the house looks tell him to find another one to go home to!
Start throwing stuff away especially if you don’t need it or use it.
I’m in the process of cleaning everything out. Closets and shelves. So lots of stuff will be thrown away
He has ONE job to go to. You have how many different jobs? ALOT!! He should absolutely help you.
My partner n i both work. Full time both or children are grown and we see our grandies weekly. Ge leaves at 5am and is home by 3pm. I leave home at 7am and an generally home by 8pm. He always leaves dishes in the sink and because i don’t eat dinner when i get home it could be 3 days before i see the pile of dishes in the sink. He forgets what’s his dirty dishes and always assumes their mine. Yep we’ve had a few blues over it but we’ve got an agreement now on w ngat both of us expect from the other and do our best to follow through so resentment doesnt build up again. It would be so much harder with young ones. I think if he could at least acknowledge what mess is his would appease me, the denial that he contributes to the problem would upset me. So maybe for your own sanity find a way to see what you do/he wants you to do is in balance. And ask him to support you with the chores he’s not as righteous with
Yes you can message me if you need to blow off some steam… we can vent together! I’m going nutts over here as it seems you are
Tell him if he can do a better job go for it or shut the hell up. Mind decided that having a 4 , 1 year old and a newborn wasn’t fun.
Some men think because your home all day,you do nothing while they have to work,leave the kids with him and go away for a few days,and raise hell when you get back because he ain’t gonna do nothing while your gone.he will understand,and be glad to go to work and you stay home,take care of the kids,don’t worry about house work,and don’t worry about what he says either,he’s not the one doing it.
I used to work full time and pay all the bills trust me going to work is easier. Mama of 5 here. Once they get older it’ll be easier to manage. It takes time to figure it all but he has no right to make you feel less than.
Get rid of the dogs. Not a necessity. Take care of you and the babies. Do what you can and send him out with the trash
Sounds like a sit down is necessary in a fAmily no one is the maid and the other the ruler.
Get containers and put a lot of stuff in containers they clean up easy and you don’t have to wipe down stuff and etc…
2 Likes
Being a stay at home mom to two children IS a full time job 
you go mama.
Tell him to give u monthly allowance so u can afford a house cleaner… To deal with the other big stuff… If u have a sister or a sibling who can come over and help out that can be a great thing.
I used to help my older sister out whenever I could. My cousin did that for her older sister too… If there’s a friend or sibling who can come by to help then it’s great… Someone who is in ur social bubble considering covid restrictions
Start talking to him the way he talks to you. Sometimes you might have to skip being the bigger person and let him know you won’t tolerate the disrespect
Let him do your “job” for one day while you go visit your Mom or friend for the day and see what the house looks like when you get back. Maybe he’ll appreciate you more!!!
The best idea is to probably get a job and then just pay for someone to do all those things for you since it’s so overwhelming
Tell him to get use to it. If he doesn’t like it he can help out too.
Make a daily goal list. Reach it. Anything else is deep cleaning and should be split.
Tell him to trade u one day and see how it goes I bet he won’t say another word
You shouldn’t talk to your family that is between you & your husband.
1 Like
Why isn’t he pitching in to do his bit
So he goes to work and gets home to sit on his behind and complain?
Hand him an invoice for $178,000. That’s the average wage median for a stay at home parent.
You need to try cleaning while the kids are sleeping at they’re age they should be taking at least a 1-2 hour nap
Hand him an apron and a rag, then point him in the right direction.
I know what I’d do… but can’t put it on Facebook!
5 Likes
my husband works graveyard 7 DAYS A WEEK. We have 2 children 6 and 10 and im eight months pregnant. He still comes home and helps me with the kids. cleans up after the dog…etc. sounds like your dude is lazy. I also work too. Its a team effort.
4 Likes
Get a paying job and put your kids in daycare. Earning your own money will give you more freedom and power over your own life. Having your own money will also make things much easier when you get divorced someday. You never know what the future hold.