Hello, I really need this question/outreach for advice to stay anonymous; I have family and friends that like your page. Thank you. My husband and I have a five-month-old baby. I am a stay at home mom, which I am very thankful for. However, my husband is not very involved. He rarely changes diapers, doesn’t help w any cleaning or house chores, never offers to give me a break, doesn’t help with bath time, basically only holds the baby if I hand them to him, and has never offered to help w feedings (been having cereal for a little over a month). When I ask for help, he gets pissy, claiming he is too tired from work. I feel like a single parent. He falls asleep on the couch every night, and I do the bedtime routine alone. Granted, his job is demanding, but I feel like I deserve a little help too. It is making me question having any more kids, which is terrible for me because I have always wanted a lot of babies. I don’t live near family, so I am always alone. He gets to go out and do his hobbies and things, and I’m stuck at home by myself, taking care of everything. If I say anything to him about it, he just gets pissy and says in nagging and being selfish. He even fell asleep when I was induced with our baby, which is still bothering me. Am I selfish, feeling this way because he provides for us and allows me to stay home? Or are my feelings legitimate?? Because no have tried talking to him about this so many times, and I’m too exhausted to try anymore and feel at a loss? Sincerely, single married mother.
That was my life. I made the choice to leave. Figured i was a single parent already so why not. 6 yrs later Im so proud and happy I made that choice. It perked me up and he gained perspective when he had solo visits. As of now we will still never be together again…but his dad skills sure shot through the roof.
Talk to you’re husband that you need someone to help
You have the right to feel the way you do parenting is hard work and doing it alone even harder I remember with my first at times I just wanted my husband to come home and help me with the baby just for a little bit which he did. You should communicate and let him know he needs to step up.
He is only going to show you this side of him every time you are pregnant and have a little one. I think men have a harder time connecting with babies. My oldest daughters dad wouldn’t look at her. He wanted a buddy and wanted to go have fun. Until she got older is when he paid attention to her.
I admit, I’d be upset. I’d try talking to him and telling me how you feel. Tell him you really need him yo help out more. If there’s no change, I’d consider moving on. There are plenty of men out there that would be a partner. Love to help with the baby. He seems very selfish. Good luck. I hope things get better.
Your feelings are absolutely legitimate. I think for some fathers it just doesn’t quite register, they think you’re mommy so you must be the baby’s sole caregiver. Or “you do it better”. Wrong. You’re a person, you need help and you need rest. You need to spill your feelings, and just let them all out. Tell him exactly how you’re feeling physically and emotionally and tell him that he’s just as responsible for the baby as you are.
You guys need to be on even levels of parenting.
My husband works his ass off so I can stay home with the kids. He will come home from work and still help with whatever needs help. He begs me to go out so he can bond with his kids.
You need to have a conversation with him and tell him how you feel. He cannot read your mind. If he doesn’t budge, try counseling so it’s on an even field. He might be going through Post-Partum as well.
I have been in this situation before. As hard as it is , you need to decide what sort of relationship you TRULY want with your significant other , decide how you WANT to be treated and then assess if that IS how you are being treated.
You also set a standard for your children on what is acceptable in a relationship and what isn’t. Are you truly happy? Or are you settling for a relationship with the father of your child because it’s just easier then facing change …
I say with this personal experience and love and empathy toward you in this situation and at the end of the day Mumma bear Your happiness and your babies happiness are what is most important. X
Same boat. I know how this feels first hand. I have recently decided to find my freedom. Got a job. Found daycare that I pay out of pocket just to get out more. I enjoyed being a stay at home mom but they were some of the hardest years I’ve endured… Communication hasn’t worked for me. I practically have to have a meltdown to get any help with the kids. It’s hard. I’m on the verge of giving up and leaving after 14 years. I question how much more I can handle at some point everyday…
My husband works 10-12 hrs a day 6 days a week so that I can stay home with the kids. He lifts 1000s of pounds of metal a day yet he still comes home everyday and helps out either with chores around the house or the kids. He never complains that the laundry isn’t folded or dinner is macncheese and corn dogs. He does the kids bedtime routine every single night without fail. Takes over for me when I’m sick or just need a break. This is a partnership. I’m sorry that your SO isn’t taking more of a role in his child’s life. Get counseling now or it will only get worse between the two of you.
I was in the same boat as you and when me and my soon to be exhusband split I felt relieved I had less stress but my suggestion is talk if you sitting him down doesn’t work then I say think about other options because he needs to grow up and help you he had no problem making that baby he should be stepping up
As a SAHM myself, I totally felt this on a very personal level. I, myself don’t have family where we live, so I am also very alone. I bottled everything up & sucked it up because I felt like if I “complained” or anything I was being ungrateful… & it’s not necessarily like my husband didn’t want to help he just didn’t offer & I never asked for it because I felt bad that he worked all day & I stayed home. I didn’t understand that what I was doing is a job also, nor did he. It took me a long & mentally self-tormenting 8 months till I cracked. I broke down one day, literally cried so hard I couldn’t even breathe & just told him how I felt, how exhausted I was & how all I just needed was a little break & some help! He was taken back because like I said, he had no idea… fast forward to now, we have a 4yr old, 2yr old & one on the way & I still have days of feeling overwhelmed, exhausted & just honestly, depressed. I have learned that talking about it before it gets to that point really does help, I feel fortunate I have a husband who hears me out & helps me with what he can! So, with all of that, I just recommend communicate! Talk, cry, just have to let it all out & tell him everything! Hope it gets better for you, I’m rooting for you.
I’m a SAHM that works only part time. This is something that honestly breaks my heart to read. You deserve so much better. For any father to be like this, shame on him. My husband works 10-12 hour days. On a 10 and 4 schedule. He comes home and takes over so I have a bit of me time. Or if I want to go do something. I don’t even have to ask. Then on his days off. He does all the cooking. Let’s me sleep in and we do family stuff. I couldn’t imagine not having it any other way. And honestly it takes two people that really want to make it work and that love each other to have it this way.
Sounds almost word for word what happen with my exhusband. He disregarded how I felt and was never interested in our son until I decided to leave him. I just had a baby girl 4 months ago, and the man I am with now is so involved it still amazes me. She’ll start getting a little fussy when I’m making dinner and he’ll just go pick her up and play with her. My ex wouldn’t even if I had begged him to when our son was little.
We must understand that not every father or mother get attached to their children or want anything to do with house chores and that doesn’t make them a bad parent. The first question is, before your adorable was born, did your husband assist with house chores? If he didn’t partake in house chores then, why do you expect him to do now? Secondly, since you both agreed to be a stay at home mum, probably get a baby sitter who resumes in the morning and closes in the evening. That way you have some spare time to sleep and have personal time too.
Please except physical, emotional or mental abuse is involved, stay in your matrimonial home. The grass isn’t greener at the other side oh, na carpet grass Dey there.
Zmund Alejandro Opiña
As a sahm I feel very fortunate to have a husband who drive 3 hrs a day works 8-12 a day and still the only thing he wants to do when he comes home is take care of our daughter you need to figure out if it’s worth your sanity being home alone with the baby all the time is exhausting and lonely as it is but for him to treat you like the baby is all you all the time is bs
If he keeps treating you like a single parent, you might as well be one! Would give you one less child to care for… All he’s doing is showing you that you CAN do it without him. He better hope he steps up before you truly realise that x
How do women still marry and have children with men like this?
I know this is not an answer but it’s my question…
Seriously though, can you not speak up and put your foot down?
Honestly a working parent isnt aware of the burdens both mentally and physically being a stay at home parent. I recommend voicing your concerns and telling him that you need just you time so there will be moments in the near future that he will have to stay home with the baby while you go to the store or for a walk or a night out with friends. And he might get upset or defensive but do it regardless. When he gets home one day just say ok here are the diapers and formula and feed him at this time and I’ll be back in 30 minutes or so. And then hand him the baby, give them, both kisses and leave. If you get serious sick and have to be hospitalized what is he going to do them? If you broke a bone what would he do? He has to start figuring the baby out but it’s hard and scary and if he doesnt have to then why would he. With my husband I have just set the expectation that occasionally I’m gonna go exercise or whatever and it’s his turn to parent his child.
to me he sounds more like a toddler than a grown ass man ! I know hes tired but the baby is our baby so what’s wrong with helping out??? I dont think he will changes so it makes no sense to get pregnant by that same person who’s not stepping up to help you as a mom ! You should sit down and think what’s next ???
None of us can tell you what to do but it sounds like you already know what you want to do. If it were me, I would pack me and baby up and be gone. Why would I stay and make more work for myself and have someone who doesn’t appreciate, or respect me. Other than financial responsibilities, you are a single parent. That is not a husband that is a man child who’s parents didn’t teach him how to be a partner and that women are supposed to sit down and shut up…girl you need to walk away before he tears any more of you apart❤️
Many men do not get involved with their infants.He probably will when the baby is older.He works and probably feels a little neglected because you have replaced him with the baby.Give him a break!
My husband works 12 hour days most of the time and still comes home and helps with the kids. Our 3 year old attacks him and shrieks Daddy as soon as he walks in the door. Our older child is from my husbands previous marriage and he asked my husband to make dinner when hes here even though I’m the one home all day so on those days my husband makes dinner and does homework and anything else the kids ask him. Our youngest is going through a phase where he wants to sit on the floor and play Connect 4 with Lion Guard in the background. Does my husband want to do that? No. He’d rather rest but our children want him to do everything so he sucks it up and does it because that’s what a good daddy does.
I work all day come home take care of my kids, household chores, bath routines, ECT. So a man going to work all day is no excuse for not taking care of the kids. Being a SAHM is exhausting. You deal with most the screaming, and crying, and meltdowns. Reward you get lots of love too. But you still need help and a break. If you are married especially, it is his obligation to his child to be apart of all that.
When I had my kids I stayed at home so I also experienced that, it gets very lonely. You need to make sure you get that time for yourself.
My husband and I struggled with this same thing. A lot of it had to with communication. If I was wanting/needing help I wouldnt ask, I would expect him to know I needed help. By the time I would ask I would say it in an explosive manner because I’d be so pissed. He would then be on the defense and feel unappreciated for working 10-12 hard hr days. We were on the verge of divorce because we both felt so unappreciated. A friend took my daughter for the day and made us sit down and talk about what we need to be happy in the relationship. Prior to the talk I wrote down all the things I was struggling with. By scheduling that time to talk we were able to work out a schedule and responsibilities. After that we worked out he would come home every day, shower, and then watch our daughter while I cooked. He then would help with either bath time or doing the dishes after dinner. Then we made sure to have some time to sit down with each other every night and spend time with each other. I would highly recommend finding a time to sit down with him and calmly explain how you’re feeling, also give him solutions to fix how you’re feeling. Give him a chance to say things as well, try to keep it as calm as possible. Try to come up with a schedule for the 2 of you to follow. I hope this helps! Please feel free to PM me and I’d love to talk to you more about it. That happened in our second yr of marriage and were coming up on 7 with another baby on the way! It’s possible to get past this if you are both willing to work on it. I feel for you mama!!
Simple your child has a dead beat dad
What I am reading is he is not bonding with his child is this correct? If this is your main complaint then I would sit down and talk with him about this. You see your telling him he is not doing enough at home… but what you should be saying is that you want him to spend time with your child so they can bond. I understand being a stay at home mom as I did it for many years with six kiddos!! It’s hard work and yes moms need brakes. Have you thought that maybe he is feeling just as overwhelmed as you are? Have you two as a couple been able to spend time with just you two together? See I don’t know your whole situation but sounds like you both just need to sit down and talk about what you need and not About what he is not doing if you get what I am saying.
Your feelings are legitimate!!! If he’s too tired from work to help you with the baby you both made when he gets home then he shouldn’t be out running the streets!! You need me time too!! You need to be able to rest, take a bath, leave the house!! You didn’t make the baby alone… regardless if he supports the house he still has a duty to help you with the baby… If you already feel like a single mom, maybe it’s time to stand on your own…
No excuse, he signed up for this, regardless he works,he knows how to manipulate you, and knows the routine of getting his way, which is definitely not cool, and pretty strange he has no urgency to love on your babies, as a parent you should feel some love towards his children, I hate to even suggest, but you sure hes not cheating, cause sounds very distant, hopefully hes not!!!and by all means you do need a break, moms all need a break!!!
What’s wrong with these men nowadays, everything seems to be about them,talk to him about this cause it’s a serious problem to your emotions.and I really am going to pray for you and your family tonight.
Sounds like a alone marriage, honestly suggestion is Counseling.
Your feelings are Your feelings - you can’t make someone care if they don’t-
Over time you get feed up and leave who wants keeper of all of all his things.
First question was he awake when baby was actually born? Sounds like he is struggling with learning how to be a dad. Start with handing him baby wide awake and go take a long bath then go from there, sometimes it takes men a little longer to figure things out , My husband and I were 18 when we had first baby and to be honest it went the same as your situation except when I was in labor him and my brother were down the hall playing PlayStation but he was in the room and holding my hand when things got real, then after I would have to hand him baby and walk away it slowly got better as baby got older because then he knew how to play with him. Fast forward to baby number 6 she was colicky and I needed time away. This man did everything for her he’ll knew more then I did I kinda didn’t like that but now she is 3 and acts just like him so obviously that was a mistake 
. Like I said go little by little til you can leave for a couple hrs on his days off And if non of this works then you might rethink your marriage.
Being a stay at home mom is a 24/7 365 job, that’s without a doubt, I gotta hand it to you it’s a really hard job. My brother was the bread winner in his household and his wife a stay at home mother of 4 kids, and although he worked very long hours he still helped do something especially to bond with his children. He gave them baths, bottles etc. I’m not sure what type of work your husband does but maybe suggest that he see his doctor to find out why the lack of energy. Bonding with the child is important and at least having time to yourself for a few hours is important to for your own sanity. I say start out small like leaving the baby with him for an hour do you can get a pedicure or run an errand for yourself, being that this is his first time being a dad he may need a little push in that direction
Suggest counseling and if he refused time to talk to a lawyer. It irritates me to no end when parents don’t want to help with their children. Im in that boat with my kids dad. He has time for his wife’s kids and grandkids but no time for his own daughter. Won’t even talk to her unless she calls him. It’s a shame for your baby but she might be better off without him.
Sounds like Ana L McIntosh needs to see a doctor. Men these days help.
Has he been around other babies? My son was a little like that. Until the baby was older it was considered a women’s place. He just wasn’t sure how to do things. Play with the baby Maybe he’s jealous?
Tell him he helped making the baby he can help and spend time with him. If he don’t want to find someone that will
Sounds like he doesn’t want to be a daddy
Sounds like you need to start putting money away, and get a side job even at home, start developing your own self worth. Some men never get it together, if he doesn’t help with one he won’t with more children.
Bitch, moan, and cry much. You cook, clean and take care of a 5 month old. You dont worry about money you leave that all on the father, then you have the guts to cry because he doesnt come home and pick up your slack. Lmao welcome to being a parent cupcake. Since hes the only one that’s working, yup the house work and kids is all on you.
That’s not a partnership. It isn’t help. It’s being a parent and a partner. It’s his kid too and he doesn’t get more time off once he gets home just because his work is outside of the home. Time for a heart to heart conversation.
Angelica Giron Castro
You had a Baby with a Fucking Asshole. Sorry dear. I would definitely think twice about having more kids with this person.
I wish I had advice for this, but I’m just commenting because I feel this so deeply as if I wrote this myself. Part of me is glad I’m not the only one dealing with this but the other part is sad BECAUSE another mother is dealing with this. It is one of the most frustrating/depressing things I’ve ever dealt with. 
To bad women can’t find this stuffout ahead of time.
My husband works 12 hours a day. He comes home and cant wait to hold our son and spend time with him. Your husband is being an asshole. Do yourself and that baby a favor and don’t have any more babies with him
Plain and simple you deserve help too. Being a married single parent sucks so bad. I did that for 5 years…little different senerio but still sucked.
You just tell him. Stop asking. You are an adult. Regardless if he is tired he should help…
Fathers need to be present not just part of the back drop. You need to step away and handle yourself…do it. Hand him the baby and tell him flat out…this is daddy baby time…Im going to have me time.
Just because you have a kid, does NOT mean that you are only a mother. Just because you stay home does not mean you need to cook all the meals and do all the cleaning. Partnership is marriage.
So, best of wishes and good mom vibes for the time that you stick him with the baby and go take a LONG HOT BATH AND LOCK THE DOOR. <3
I do think it general whether you work a job or not is mom’s do end up doing more of the house and kids stuff…I work and I feel I do a lot more than my husband, granted he does a lot more than what your saying yours does… But I feel myself get resentful a lot. From all the women in my life I’ve talked to I’ve just come to accept this is how marriage with kids is for a woman. In your case being a stay at home mom your job is 24/7 with no breaks. He isn’t selling to understand that. I would let him know how much daycare would cost, a cook, a maid etc… Just bc your not getting paid to do it your still contributing to your household by saving him money and time. He needs to get a grip and start giving you a break.
Honestly, you already know the answer to this… just suck it up and leave already! Nobody is going to say anything to you on this page that is going to validate it for you. Just pack up and leave. Odds are he won’t even notice.
It’s only been five months. Give it time. My husband had 4 children with his ex before me and he didn’t get super hands on with our daughter till she started walking. Some men don’t handle infants well.
Most men are raised that way to where the man works to provide and the women takes care of the home and I’ve heard of women that like to do everything and pamper their husbands because they work don’t get me wrong I wish I could stay at home and just be a mother not worry about any bills and keep my man happy but then again I’d be miserable to not have a life to always do everything when another adult is there but if that’s how he is either u deal with it or leave bc most men do not change especially if they are already set in their ways … but my advice is to find a mommy and baby hobby get out find a sitter pamper yourself treat yourself to a spa day go to the gym get ur hair and nails done go shopping spoil yourself because if you do t take care and love yourself you will not be happy …
You definitely need to sit him down and have a talk. Being a housewife is also a full time job. If he disagrees with you, then you should switch roles with him and find yourself a job and he stays home… You should also have time do do what you like not just him… If he doesn’t help you out after the talk, you should leave.
I’m so sorry you are having this experience, guys can really suck. I’m in a similar boat but also work outside the home (2 days remote with kids at home with 3 in office days about 2 hour commute each way ). With the first he would try to hold her for a few minutes , but she would have none of it and he’d give up. I also live 700+miles from my family and his parents are busy with their business making it clear they will take care of kids only on their initiation (fine). I am in a unique situation where he takes one to work 2x per week being in a family business, but if I’m there, it’s all me. I had A CS with both, first not my choice, second heavily reccs by the DR. Hoped he would help more second time around since we also had a toddler to chase after but no dice. Still having to sit up for wake up and changes, food, etc 48 hours after surgery while he slept. Your man could be different! But if you are thinking of more kids in the future do not expect things to change. 
good luck and you are doing great no matter what!
Tbh re think actually wanting a lot of children put it this way even if you have a good partner beside you if they was to pass away could you really actually handle all them kids alone to many women think oh I want a big heap of kids but when times get tough they cannot handle the load always know what you can handle if your struggling with you kids now and his the one who’s putting the roof over your head but not the hands on type you need to have a good hard think about having more kids to this man yet alone if you end up on your own with kids myself although very hard was so much better when I got ride of the person if your already acting like a single mum make it official…my own opinion…
None of what he’s doing is ok! You are working all day too! You deserve to go out too! You are a person too! You were a person before you were a wife and a mother and you have a purpose and a life beyond those roles just as you did then, the same as he does now as well! If he didn’t want to be a parent beyond his work day then he shouldn’t have had a child. Kids are a 24 hour a day job. Welcome to life buddy. You need to hand him the baby when he gets home from work on Friday night Sweets and then step right out the door with a couple girl friends for dinner and dancing or whatever you fancy and don’t give him a choice! Don’t ask. Don’t fight. Just do! You have every right girl! You love that baby and your man but you have to love yourself too! You teach him how to treat you right or you will be stuck in a situation of your own settling baby girl!! DONT YOU DARE SETTLE!
There is more to being a husband and father than providing financial stability.
He sounds really selfish and immature. Dont have more kids with that guy…
I have a man similar to this! He doesn’t help at all with the house chores. I asked him to take the trash out and he gets pissy! We have three kids together he didn’t help at all when they were babies our youngest is 18 months old and he bitches I run off to work when he gets home and he is stuck babysitting. He doesn’t change diapers until they are toddlers and it’s only when I sneek to work maybe two or three times a month while he is home. I work three days a week mostly when he is at work. I really wished we didn’t have kids together, birth control doesn’t seem to work for me though! Keep in mind whatever you brush off or allow will only get worse! Be strong momma I feel your pain!
No you are not selfish at all! He’s the selfish one!
Is this the first child for both of you? Is he actually afraid to hold the baby, and do any dad-things?
Stress that relationships with children start early, and that him spending time with your child is beneficial for him and the baby.
When you’re in a calm mood, gently tell him how his lack of help makes you feel. Don’t blame him, but give examples of things that are easy to do, like throwing in the laundry, and taking it out of the dryer, or loading/unloading the dishwasher. He can wear the baby while vacuuming, too, or even just take a walk around e block while you shower.
The first year is tough for both parents in terms of sleep, and self-care, but if you can both share in everything, him especially, you’ll both be happier.
Barring all of this, maybe you need couples counseling. If you have a neutral party, it could be helpful.
My boyfriend is a roofing contractor so he is working in the elements everyday. In the summer he works untill sundown and still came home, ate, showered and took the baby off my hands and or offered. Now he comes home from work at sundown “which is considerably earlier” and does the same thing and watches the baby alone while i work a part time job or takes him so i can cook/clean/shower whatever i want. Neither of us have time for hobbies at the moment lol but come on… expect more. With my first child it was like this and i suffered immeasurable depression and never wanted kids ever again. Now i want another because the ease of having him makes it worth it to me. It’s called parenting! As in PARENTS. sorry but i push him to his full potential, as I’m pushed to mine. Whenever you can’t argue a valid point or you kind of give up is what he wants exactly. His answer is “go F yourself” and instead of saying that he just keeps running you in circles untill you give up. My thing is i no longer want to force anyone to be the way i want them to be. I may push but i will never attempt to change someone ever again. This is what he is showing you he is willing to do and that’s it. So accept it if you would like to stay with him unfortunately but you will end up resenting him and i used to believe this was the “normal” because my friends experienced the same things but it’s not.
Your husband’s a bitch…being a stay at home mom is a full time job and you deserve breaks too
Men suck with babies. He’s immature. Give him the ultimatim. Tell him to pull his own weight or you’ll leave because it’s easier to clean up after one.
Easy you go to work, you then get two 15 min. breaks and a lunch break. And now hand him the Bill for day care
Wow, reading this I would have thought I wrote it myself.
Hear this complaint alot. Now what are your options. Take care of yourself first. If your not well you cant take care of anyone. See a councilor to help you. Maybe you need to get a partime job, you will have money of your own. Getting out of the house could help with your problems. Keep your money so their is something to fall back on. You might call your family and see if you can visit. Take most in portant stuff. There is alot you didnt say. Soxa bisit home would be best. Prepare yourself before leaving. Good luck
He’s not going to change. You have to figure out what you will accept and stand up to him.
Find a new man that will help you parent and get through life together. SMH
He’s selfish and doesn’t understand what a sahm goes through. Pack a diaper bag with stuff the baby needs. Put her and the bag in his lap one weekend and say “I’ll be back in a few hours”. Go shopping, go window shopping, do whatever for a few hours
Punch him in the face.
Most men are horrible with babies even in the toddler stage it’s all on mom weather you work or stay at home. Like another said figure out what you can take and put your foot down with the rest. Your a stay at home parent that’s a rough job. Not having a break from the baby or other adult interaction other than your husband can drive you made so seek counseling if that is your only option. Even if it’s not still good to talk to someone with an outside perspective.
Every time I see a post like this it pisses me off. I see so many women complaining about their husbands not wanting to do anything to help at home or with the children…because they provide the paycheck. This is bull. There is more to parenting than money. Why wouldn’t they take care of their child, take the time to bond with their child, help around the house, etc. He gets a break,.so should you. Don’t ask him…make plans, hand him the baby and leave. Remember, you may not get a pay check, but you are saving on child care expenses, wear and tear on a vehicle you would drive to work, the gas you would put in your vehicle to travel to work. He needs to stop making excuses for being lazy. He is husband and a father…he needs to act like one.
I can relate to this so much! I’m going through the exact same thing. Even though I’m not married to my baby’s dad, he still needs to help me. So find somebody you trust who can watch your baby while you work, save up and haul ass because that’s not a good place for you and baby.
Well. I struggled with that in a big way when we first had our son… and honestly I am so much happier working part time. Our shifts are staggered, and he picks up our son 4 hours before I get home. It’s been wonderful for them to bond and for him to be the go-to guy without mom around at home.
He also gets the “burn out” now more than he used to. He asks me if I need a break now. Or if I want to go to the store by myself. Or if there is anything I want to go do on my days off ( with or without everyone).
It took us a while. And growing is uncomfortable, but it doesn’t happen when things are perfect. Change is hard. Hubby now has his days where he goes to play board games and I have days I go do stuff with just me. And we have days we do stuff with all of us.
If you aren’t sure about it, start with an hour. Give him everything he needs and you go do something for an hour for yourself. Go for a walk, go to the store to smell candles while you drink a latte, but go. Then do 2 hours. Then 3. It builds trust (he won’t be perfect, he won’t do everything the way you do, but go), and helps him to start building his baby skills too.
I was in the same position. My ex was the exact same way. I was always the issue. He “couldn’t” do nights because they were too hard 
never bathed baby, fed, only time he would take him was when I would force him to, and he’d only let it slide if baby was almost asleep with a bottle and that was a fight still. He didn’t change. He only wanted to be around when our son was more independent… you know, when all the hard work is done. He even made a comment a couple times that he would help more when “he got to be fun” …
I got over the situation. Rather be a single parent than do it by myself in a relationship I’m fed up with.
Hope you find peace in your situation.
From experience…The best way to get your thoughts out of that situation is to live not expecting anything. No help, no validation, nothing. Societal expectations are only going to slow you down and burden you all. This is your house and there is no textbook to human behavior. Especially with the male species, forever a mystery.🤷:joy: Your baby needs you more than it’s dad. Suck it up and be a mom. When you expect nothing and do everything by yourself, you will be happier:dancer:, calmer and more focused on what you need to do:family_woman_girl:. When he decides to show up to be a parent let him. Otherwise think of the guy as live-in child support and alimony. 
It works.
Walking out won’t solve a thing at this point. So, don’t. Just don’t have any more kids
He is an asshole. Your feelings are absolutely legitimate. He should want to help with the baby, want to do more. I had some of these issues with my husband when we had our first child. There were many fights about it but I eventually got through to him that he needed to help more. He does a lot more than he used to. Stick up for yourself girl!
Some men, & women are not baby people, BUT, they seem to come into their own, when baby starts communicating.eg smiling. Babbling, getting bigger, they are essier to hold, and lose the fragile feeling. Be patient, and gentle with encouraging
He should help you some Also .you have
Anever ending job .you can’t say you tired and wuit
Your mental health is very important. There is nothing wrong with expressing how you feel because your feelings matter. If your husband, the one person (other than family), who is supposed to support you, be your other half, ect ect, is not willing to help you with not only his own child but when you need it most. Call me cheesy but i dont think its mentally healthy and it can physically effect you.
I live this everyday .
“I feel like a single parent.” How could you? A single parent would do what you’re doing plus what he’s doing! Talk to him for God’s sake. Make him enjoy helping you. I’m sure you can find a way. Nagging and demanding is not the way. It may not be a bad idea to defer getting more children until you get these issues figured out! Making the baby is the easiest part, what comes afterwards is what needs to be worked out.
Omg! This is exactly what I going through right now and it sucks! I wish I had advice for you but I don’t. I’m sorry you’re going through this bcus it sucks! I know how you feel
If hes awake enough to go out with his friends, he’s able to parent his own child and sort out his own house. He needs a reality check. You’re right ~ put more children on hold and tell him to sort out his shit. You’re worth more than this and so is your child… Xx
This makes me really really sad & it might be that I’m a young mom but you need to DEMAND both respect and help. If you have a daughter is this how you want her treated ? Would you be fine with her calling you and saying this exact thing to you? And if you have a son would you want him treating his wife and child like this ? My fiancé is a college student and works full time and still comes home and takes care of the baby for me to nap.
DO NOT have any more children . Maybe try therapy ? If he isn’t open to changing , leave him. I can promise you , your child will thank you in the future . No child wants to grow up with a loser dad who isn’t involved with them.
Ask your mother to come stay with you for a few weeks. He will get annoyed of her being there and will either start helping out or tell you to move out! You’ll see where you stand in his mind!
I’m sorry reading this really upset me. Is he out of his mind? And why are you tolerating this nonsense?Granted he provides but he is also the parent and has responsibility too. I really hope you put an end to his nonsense… & hope you reconsider having more children with that lazy, selfish individual…
Please seek counseling. Even if it’s just for yourself. PPD can hang around for a long time & can manifest from the littlest thing.
Honestly, it’s hard for dads at first. They didn’t carry the baby for 9 months and give birth to it, give him some time. I feel like many men act this way in the beginning because they are insecure about their fathering abilities because it’s so new. I 100% understand your frustration, it’s really hard doing it alone.
I’m a stay at home mom as well, but I expect my husband to help me out when he gets home. We look at it as we’ve both worked all day and now it’s time to tag team everything when he gets home. He is tired but so am I. I show him and tell him how much I appreciate him daily and he does the same for me. People need to realize being a SAHM is a JOB, not like you’re just sitting around. And I think it’s awful he’s not involved willingly with your baby! You need to talk to him and let him know how you’re feeling, and if he doesn’t take you seriously maybe consider other alternatives for a while. Sorry, that’s harsh, but this is your life too, you are not supposed to “be punished” for being a SAHM.
When my kids took a nap I tried to nap too… it’s the only break you get… just take care of you & the baby… don’t try to be perfect in other aspects… just breath and enjoy your baby… this time passes so quickly… they grow up so fast…,
Well go to work then. Put your kid in daycare. Problem solved. If his job is that demanding then maybe he’s tired. I have two special needs kids I stayed home with for years. One is autistic and the other with a gtube and now that I work full time it’s A LOT harder than staying home and parenting. I’ll never understand why SAHMs think that the other parent needs to work at home and at work. This is your job. Suck it up or go to WORK. Smh
My husband fell asleep with our first and he was a complete turd…until he lost his job. I did what moms do got out there got a job etc. This man cried to me 3 days in…Im so sorry I m an ass:joy: he said he locked himself in the bathroom and cried. Tell him you need a break schedule a spa day and leave. He will figure it out
My hubbs didnt do anything when it comes to our kids. He works, pays the bills, makes sure the kids and i have everything we need. We have 4 boys, and i do everything for him and them…and i mean everything. And tbh, i wouldnt have it any other way…i love being a sahm…best job ive ever had. If i ask for help, he helps but thats as far as it goes…he never changed a diaper,.made a bottle, or woke up during the night. He didnt help potty train, but he loves us and works hard for us everyday. Be thankful…
Communicate with your husband.
He’s too tired to care for his child after work, but not too tired to go out with buddies and do hobbies?
As far as I see it, yall have both been working all day.
You’re not being selfish.
Because he sees you as the primary caregiver and there isn’t much for him to do until the baby gets older.
Have you tried explaining what your expectations are so he can at least try to meet them?