My husband keeps making “jokes” about adding another female to the relationship. Even tho he says he is joking it still makes me feel like he’s not because of how often he make this “joke”. I got sad and asked if he was being serious and he said “only if I’m down”Now I’m the bad guy for not taking the joke….Would you also feel like maybe he is being serious?My heart hurts. We’ve been together 5 years 1 year married and it’s just slowly been going down hill because we are at two very different phases in our life (I’m working, taking care of OUR child 24/7, paying all the bills, he’s out going to bars, smoking with his friends, doing whatever he wants) this is kind of just an eye opener for me and need to know if I’m being dramatic….
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You’re not being dramatic and it’s NOT going to get better. He’s not “in a different phase” he is perfectly content to let you handle all the adulting so he can play around without a care in the world. Run. Don’t walk.
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Jokes tend to make people laugh, not question their relationship. He may not 100% mean it, but he could be testing it out to see if you’d finally agree…kinda like you agree to do everything else for him.
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Sounds like he wants to be single. If you’re already doing everything yourself, you might as well get rid of the extra baggage and do it yourself you’d be much happier. Also, I would start telling him you want a man added to the relationship and rub it in his face every other minute and see how he feels.
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Just asked my partners perspective as a male as seen lots of female comments on here, he said its probably not a joke and you’re not being dramatic. I mean he honestly also said its likely he’s acted on his desires if not thinking about it. Sorry. It sounds like he needs a shock, get him told. He really needs to grow up
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Oooh girl, focus on you and YOUR child and run…fast.
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Girl, get out while you can
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Exactly why are you with him, honey? You are already doing it all by yourself. There would be one less mouth to feed in my house! You deserve better. Love yourself more. Hugs…
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Sounds like you’re his mom and he is looking for a girlfriend. Know your worth, make him man up or leave. You can do bad all by yourself.
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Ummmm why isn’t he working and holding up his end of the duties?
Set your standards, hold him accountable and know when it’s time to move on. 
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LEAVE! Or tell him to leave. Love should NEVER hurt like that. What he is doing isn’t love.
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Time for some very open communication. Everything you say in this text I would encourage you to say to him, including your feelings of being in different stages of your life.
Open communication has been extremely helpful in my marriage.
I’m sorry but that is no joke. I wouldn’t expect his behavior like that. I’d ask him if that what he wants if he says yes, id say ok you can have her lol. He needs to choose on what he really wants, either you or another person. I’m thinking he already has someone he’s thinking of.
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Tell him as long as you can add another man 
Couples Therapy, and a Mens retreat for him to get his priorities in check sister!
Run girl! Don’t look back! He’s testing you. If you are down for that, it’s on you. If not…move on….
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Prayers for your husband Amene
Sounds. Like he’s got his eye on Someone hun hugs time to have that hard but needs to happen talk with him
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If all that isn’t enough to make you leave I don’t know what is … you deserve better. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
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Sounds like a one sided relationship to me.
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You need a new husband… throw it in the trash…
You’re absolutely NOT being dramatic, at ALL. You know in your heart what you want/need to do.
It’s tough, but you’re worth it, and he’s in the wrong
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He’s going to have to make a lot of changes to make this work…and that’s probably not going to happen. Does he have someone that he knows who has a good marriage? Maybe you both could hang out with them once a week and ditch the party crowd?
Mmmm if he is going out a bit he might be spending time with other females … or the thrill of the attention. Are his buddies single ? Maybe sit him down and ask if your enough for him and if he is happy in the relationship. Maybe he is just feeling a bit like he isn’t getting any attention from you ? Either way your relationship isn’t doing well
Why isn’t he Working A Marriage is meeting each other 1/2 Way Working Together
Tell him its fine…you can also do with a extra husband…should be fun.
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U need to look inward and decide what you wants your tomorrow’s to look like
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Noo def not dramatic id tell him how u feel ; tell him it bothers u and ask howd he like it if u we’re asking to bring another guy into the relationship, because he wouldnt like it and if you have told him this before then he needs to stop and think about ur feelings and emotions…
Many a true word is spoken in jest. He means it. He fantasizes
I don’t think you are being dramatic at all! He needs to step up and be a much better husband. Don’t put up with this kind of behavior any longer!
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My ex was like that, notice I said ex. His behavior is unacceptable and he probably has a side chick and he is “joking” because this is something he wants. You are already a single parent doing everything by yourself you don’t need the extra burden of a man-child. Ask yourself if he were gone what would you miss that cannot be replaced by someone else. He needs to grow up and share in the responsibilities financially and child care as well as housework, you also need to be clear to him you need his help, and that you have no interest in a 3 way.
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He’s just testing the water,…let him go!!!
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Tell him if he’s got a girlfriend bring her home she can cook clean do dishes laundry and you will have more time in the bedroom
My husband and I are married 10 years in a few months. Together 15. Two kids 6.5, 9 we are secure financially, been through medical issues for both of us. And we are letting each other open our wings a little now that the kids are older by exploring outside our marriage as long as the other knows and agrees.
But yes get away from him he isn’t on the same page with you at all I’m so sorry.
Well if he has you cooking, cleaning, working, paying the bills, and providing all child care, I would assume you are often too tired for sex so he needs to add to his harem to meet the rest of his needs.
Yes, I’m being facetious. Look here sweet girl- you are carrying it all. He is carrying nothing. Sadly, people treat us how we teach them to treat us and you have allowed his childish behavior long enough.
You deserve better. More importantly, your child will learn about relationships, roles, and responsibilities by watching you and your spouse. Do you want that child to be in a similar relationship when they are an adult? If not, please think about either a family counselor or a good divorce lawyer. Life is so much more than being the only grown up in a relationship.
My husband tried this with me. Like adding someone into our marriage not like hookups like living with them like sister wives. I flat out said if you want to live like that than go find a new wife. I’m not going to do it
He is not joking, he may have someone in mind, already
If he is always “joking” about it he is serious . Ask him if you can bring another guy in and see what his response it .
You’ve lost 5 years on him already but In saying that you’ve gained a beautiful child.
Don’t waste another day with this man though. Why are you financially supporting a man that puts no effort into himself or his family? Let the bars and his friends have him 
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If your spending your Money to keep the family afloat why is he there if he isn’t contributing? Your money would go farther with only 2 there. You would use less on utilities food. . How is he making it easier for you. Maybe toss him out Get child support…ahead of the game.
UM. Maybe you need to run as FAST AS YOU CAN.
I think it maybe time to bounce. You dont need that…
Not good! You need to start your exit plan.
He needs to step up and support his family. Period!
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Tell him you want to add another man to the Relationship.
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Sounds like you’re the only adult in the relationship while he is still acting like a single guy, I would threaten divorce if he doesn’t get his act together and if he still continues to act that way I would move on, sounds like he’s testing the waters to see how far he can go.
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Time for a new man. Let him find someone else
My ex would “joke” or tell me stories of his friends doing it almost every single day until I felt bad enough and felt like it was a requirement for him to stay or stay faithful and I caved. Don’t do that. I ended up locking myself in the bathroom towards the end and balling my eyes out until she left.
Stand your ground with what makes you happy and comfortable. If he doesn’t stop then put him out until he learns.
Tell him how bout another male 
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“Yeah. We can totally add another female and while we are at it let’s had another man too.” Preferably one that will help you and not make you do 100% everything alone.
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He’s not joking.
I agree with above who said if you’re basically already a single parent you may as well be one! It’s easier I promise. The fact that you do literally everything aside, if an open relationship is not something you want to explore then really reconsider what you’re doing with your time. It’s precious and you deserve to be with someone who is on the same page as you!
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No ur not being dramatic take it from someone who has been married 20 years, and had a” open marriage” for about a year. It causes nothing but problems and even if you’re OK with it it will turn out bad in the end.
I would be more concerned with him being at bars and doing whatever he wants as you are doing the adult things, working, paying bills and taking care of your child alone. Honestly, I would tell him not to worry about adding another female to the relationship, and just go find someone else
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You’re not being dramatic at all!! I hear you, I see you and understand your feelings:heart:
My man joked with me and I said “If we can add another man 
” He quit that joke real fast 
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“You’re truly not ‘equipped’ to handle additional needs.”
Sounds as if he shouldn’t be your husband anymore. What does he provide other than free babysitting?
No it’s not you at all. Those snide remarks are just to get you upset and ask questions. That will lead to you not trusting him and he can blame everything on you. If you are the only one working and caring for your child then you don’t need him. Don’t waste another dime on him. Talk to someone and get legal advice because of your child but i don’t think he would fight for her unless it would be for the child support. I’ve been where you are minus the child. Don’t blame yourself or waste your life. 
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You don’t need him. Don’t let him treat you like a carpet under his feet. I wonder how he would feel if you said the same back to him and see his reaction. I’m sure he would be p…
He doesn’t deserve you. Your doing it all and deserve better. And you are not being dramatic. He is!!!
I lived that … just say see ya ! If I could do it all over again I would have said see ya alot more then I did.
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He sounds like he’s trying to move his mistress in! Give him the boot! You are his personal bank.
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Tell him u want add a man and see what he thinks
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I would confidently say He’s not joking. He’s trying to live a rather boyish life instead of being a husband. No point in petty comments… you need to be honest. What He’s saying is hurtful and what he’s doing is building resentment so he either commits to building a life with you as a married man or he can go be a boy elsewhere.
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If he’s not contributing to the relationship and you’re allowing it, sounds like he’s just using you. Get rid of that dead weight.
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If it’s been said more than once it’s not a joke. Your already doing it alone so it’s not like you need him or that… you are doing everything as a women wife and mother while he’s out living his best life acting like he’s single cut the dead weight and free up some space in your life and home for someone who will come along and be your partner
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Absolutely never. Sounds like he can’t deal with any aspect of being a grown up. Bye
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Good time Charlie needs to go.
that’s a hard no from me. you want someone else go have them. 
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He isn’t joking. He’s testing the waters to see your reaction to the idea. After you were clearly not down the comments should have stopped.
I don’t agree with what everyone is saying that you should pack a bag without him knowing and leave. Or take your child and run, unless you are in an abusive relationship. You’re definitely not wrong for how you feel and I think the first step should be for you two to have a serious conversation on what you are expecting from this marriage. Make your opinions heard of what you will and will not accept. See if he is willing to work on bettering your marriage and stopping all that extra stuff he is doing. Now if after that he still refuses to change or put effort into your marriage then I would definitely say it’s time for a divorce.
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Dump him, he probably already has someone in mind .
You are definitely not being dramatic! Red flags all over the place! You deserve so much more than what he is doing which is nothing!!
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Red, red, flags!! He is not being responsible if he is not working or at least trying to get work. You are not being dramatic at all! He’s out looking for that female! Run, not walk! Prayers and hugs, sweet momma!
Put your foot down and say that’s never going to happen and end of story. No more jokes, nothing. I’d say this marriage is me and you and if that’s not enough then hit the road Jack! Also I’d tell him to keep his azz home and not be out like that all the time. Don’t tolerate this if it continues, you deserve better!
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Your not being dramatic, you should kick him to the curb, sounds like your having to do everything on your own anyway! You deserve better!
He probably already has. He doesn’t want your approval. He’s just wanting to get you involved so he can ultimately blame you.
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Divorce. He’s going to have you crying and sobbing more often than not soon because you’re not going to feel good enough. Save yourself now before the emotional and mental damage starts kicking in.
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Flip his script, ask him when you can start swinging? 
Well he’s obviously not joking. I would just let him know that you don’t find it amusing, you’re not interested in bringing someone else into the bedroom or relationship. Maybe if that’s what he wants, he needs to re evaluate if he wants to continue being in the relationship at all. Especially if he’s not even really contributing to the household.
My saying is always “if I’m going to do everything alone, I may as well be alone!”
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Maybe “joke” about adding another guy to the relationship…see how funny he finds it.
I’d leave. His next step is cheating
Run! He’s not joking. He’s wanting this to happen and probably already has someone in mind. That’s disrespectful to you and not be trusted in a relationship. If you don’t want to go through this over and over in your marriage, then run.
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Ask him to bring another man into ur relationship.
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Nope, that is not a joke If it’s constant. I’d be devastated if my husband kept asking me that. Each to their own and all but if it’s clearly not for you and he can see you’re getting annoyed, upset or how ever you feel and he doesn’t stop then he doesn’t really care how you feel and that sucks. Id leave or make him leave
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Sounds like he’s not working. If not why are you doing all the work and he’s partying, he would be So Gone. You can’t be walk on like a rug unless you lie down and allow.
Would love to hear some men’s thoughts on this. Wonder of they will be the same as we women think?
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He’s not joking.
Tell him you want another guy, see how he likes that.
Fight fire with fire.
You already know the answer hun , you just want confirmation .
That’s not good at all. Definitely not doing his manly duty of bringing home the bacon. You’re not dramatic, you have every right to get upset. His responsibility is to take care and provide for his family, not his buddies.
He’s probably not joking but besides that if he’s bringing nothing to the relationship and everything is on you to take care of why are you with him? My advice is dump him and tell him he gotta leave your house. Good luck
Ok so your single. He may be your husband on paper but he’s still living like a single man. That’s disrespectful to you as his wife and as the mother of his child. You set the tone for how he treats you. Took me a long time to figure this out. You make the money decide if this is how you want the rest of your life and the image of what your child sees marriage to be. Good luck with what ever decision you make. I’m sorry you are going through this. At the end of the day only you can decide what is best for you.
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Leave! NO RUN!!! He’s a leech! If he spoke it…he meant it!
Dump him. You can do better
If he’s not working to help support your family, I would send him packing and tell him he can have as many women that he wants.
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You’re not being dramatic. I’d add some boundaries and counseling.
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Girl… you done answered your questions and concerns. As long as we accept this bs behavior they will continue to put us through it.
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He’ll no.start paying or go
Leave him. You deserve better!
Nope, not dramatic at all, probably wants to bring in his girlfriend 
Throw that “joke” right back at him and joke about adding another man into the relationship, if he gets mad let him know that’s exactly how you feel. I would, open his eyes.
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Girl get rid of him. That’s not a man but a little boy who’s stuck in a man’s body. You can do better than that. You’re not being dramatic, he’s saying it’s a joke to see how your react to the idea. If you say no he can just say he was joking. Run
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He’s being serious.
Once or twice depending on company and conversation it can be funny sure.
This isn’t a joke. It’s something he’s actually fantasizing about. Case in point “only if your down”
He’s the bad guy here and don’t let him make you out to be the bad guy for not enjoying a very rude and disrespectful joke. It was disrespectful to you and your relationship and once or twice okay sure but all the time yeah that’s not a joke that’s I’m going to keep throwing this in the air in the hopes she goes okay let’s do a threesome. I’m almost willing to bet he has someone in mind he wants to bring into the relationship. He seems like a red flag for cheating.