My husband, best friend, and I had a night of too much to drink. My friend accused me of kissing her over and over and I kept saying it wasn’t true. Well then after a while I got annoyed and grabbed her face and gave her a giant kiss and said THERE now it’s true! Well a few minutes later I see my husband in the front seat leaning to the backseat and he and my best friend were lip locked. I grabbed his shirt and sat him back in his seat. We didn’t mention it again until we were home. I got emotional about it. He just shrugged it off like, you kissed her so I did too, what’s the difference? And just made it seem like no big deal we both kissed someone else. I haven’t talked to my friend about it, she usually blacks out every time she drinks and she said she has no memory of that night. So I haven’t talked to her about the kisses. I’d like to forget as well but it’s burned into my memory seeing my husband and best friend kissing. We’ve been together for 18 years and we have four children ages 10-16. Of course I’m not going to leave him, it was a dumb night. I’m just torn. Mad my husband made a pass at my best friend and mad my best friend accepted it. I’ve only been friends with this girl for a year and 4 months. But we’ve gotten so close, our kids stay at each others houses every weekend, and we claim each other as family. So I guess I just wanted to hear what others thought. Since I can’t really talk to anyone about this.
… you kissed her without your husband’s approval. Infront of him.
He did the same thing. This is on you, deal with it.
That’s when problems start. Being blackout or drunk isn’t a good excuse.
Neither one of you should be kissing other people.
You are both wrong and now your “friend” is gonna take most of that blame because neither of you should be trusting her with the other
So your friend was making a big deal over “you kissing her” so you kissed her. Then your husband also kissed her?
First and foremost, I am concerned your friend didn’t make a big deal of your husband ACTUALLY kissing her. My friends would have freaked the heck out, blackout drunk or not. They’d never allow it and we’ve had many blackout nights but never anything Iike that.
Have you every thought that maybe you hurt your husband by kissing your friend? Regardless of your sexual orientation, you kissed someone that wasn’t your husband. I’d have probably done the same thing your husband did if my spouse kissed someone else I front of me.
Start by communicating with him. Find out how he feels; it isn’t all about you.
Address it with your friend, too. Not to mention, it is weird that y’all were talking about kissing and then what, he kissed her and everyone just stopped talking about it. Your friend just didn’t say anything about it even though she was super drunk? Something doesn’t add up.
Personally, I’d eliminate any obstacle in my marriage. So by bye friend, and no more alcohol. 
If he isn’t allowed to do it you shouldn’t be allowed to either. That is what we call a double standard
Ummm you kissed another person in front of him. Doesn’t matter if it’s the same gender or not. I actually have to agree with him on this.
You literally kissed someone else first. Doesn’t matter if it’s a man or woman.! I actually agree with him
You’re hurt? Guess he was too lol. You all sound completely immature. If you can’t handle your alcohol, don’t drink 
Okay, so my opinion is different to most on this one. I agree that kissing your friend probably wasn’t the smartest move and the alcohol involved wasn’t helpful. Your husband, however, didn’t have to take the low road. He did not have to kiss your friend. Two wrongs don’t make a right. You’re both in the wrong. This friend doesn’t sound like a very good friend at all, I’d be seriously reconsidering your friendship especially now you’ve both kissed her. I can see this getting messy and very complicated. Walk away, make some decent friends. In the big scheme of life sixteen months isn’t long to know someone. Make some decent friends and for goodness sake, don’t make the same mistake again and limit the grog when you’re socialising.
You kissed another human. He kissed another human. At least it was the same one 
Let it go. She doesn’t have memory of it. You kissed her first, imagine how he felt; regardless of if there were feelings behind it. He watched you kiss someone else.
sounds like someone was hoping for a swing 
Sounds like the biggest problem is alcohol consumption. I feel like these consequences come with the territory. But your feelings are valid. No one is at fault though. Or everyone is.
i feel he did it so you knew how it felt. and as you see ita not pleasant friends or not if you’re in a relationship thats not open keep your lips to yourself
It sounds like y’all need to grow up. Y’all sound like high school drama and 4 kids later y’all are too old for all that.
Girl, I don’t know but you can’t have that best friend around your husband anymore. Lines were crossed by everyone but he knew better than to kiss her. He wanted to kiss her and used your kiss as the excuse to do it.
I’d be more worried about the fact that you both made passes at someone not able to give consent. That’s creepy and I’d hope you aren’t setting those types of examples in front of your kids as they are at an impressionable age. Quit the drinking and apologize to your friend, then have a conversation with your husband would be how I’d prioritize that situation I guess. Hopefully you all can get some help out of the deal before more bad decisions come from the hurt feelings
Uhh this is a pretty simple answer. If two people are married, neither should be kissing or otherwise with anyone else, at all. Period. Doesn’t matter if it’s a friend doesn’t matter gender or sexual preference. Don’t kiss people that are not your spouse. Who cares who kissed who first- you both kissed someone other than each other. Maybe don’t be drunken idiots and you wouldn’t have this problem. Let the situation go but maybe lay down some basic ground rules that shouldn’t even have to be discussed in a marriage. If my husband ever kissed anyone else besides me, no matter who it is, all hell would break loose and good luck to whoever he kissed because they will regret it. If I did it, lmao SERIOUSLY good luck to that person. These are unspoken rules in any serious relationship. Get real.
Lmao the stuff i read on here 
Um, she was trying to initiate a threesome. There’s always 2 sides of the story, then there’s the truth. She wanted it to happen. She wanted a threesome. Period.
I think he had a right to do so. You did it without asking him first… sorry.
You kissed another person, he kissed another person, and it was the same person so I mean…
He probably felt hurt you did it so he did it too. Or seemed it was unfair you got to. Or he thought it was going to go a different way… hint hint.
Talk to him! He’s your husband. Apologize, say it made you uncomfortable and move on.
It probably wasn’t the best idea to kiss somebody else if you didn’t want your husband doing it too. 
I bet he thought yall was about to start something and he went with it. He just followed your lead, and I also figure your friend low key wanted it to happen to even if she was blacked out🤷🏽♂️
Yikes. It seems like you initiated this interaction and are now upset other people participated. It also sounds like a night of three people drinking irresponsibly. I would rethink the level of drinking involved and why this choice felt so comfortable for you both especially to a “blackout drunk” friend who may not remember the uncomfortable position she was put in.
She n he couldn’t wait for this. 
good luck 
I thought this was the AITA group but this should definitely belong there. All of you behaved poorly but it seems as if you’re solely laying the blame on the bestie. You and your husband need to hold yourself accountable for your own actions. You kissed her. He kissed her. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
Would he had kissed a guy if you kissed that guy? I don’t think so!! Just cause you kiss her doesn’t mean he had the right to especially your best friend so wrong I wonder if they secretly have something…
You initiated all this mess and now…it can’t be undone, and you are flailing about like the victim here?
Get a grip.
Everyone is wrong, and no one has any boundaries or respect for anyone…within the marriage, within the friendship or with each other.
Strongly suggest you seek therapy and consider treatment for your alcohol consumption.
You are going to have to live with the consequences which likely include torching your ’ friendship’ with the girl…not that that would seem to be any great loss.
That you are writing in here …looking to pinpoint blame on either or both of them and not take any ownership in it at all is a huge tell.
If you want to have an open thing with your husband and friend(s)…then do that , but not under the haze of inebriation where you get cold feet and back out been in the middle of it and cry foul because there was no communication about it and no ground rules going in. Its your ’ marriage’, but you can’t claim exclusivity and then be the one to want it both ways either.
You’ve got some serious growing up and thinking to do as well as communication with your husband about the nature of trust and boundaries within your marriage, such as it is…this after 18 yrs, smh.
The only empathy I have for anyone in this shit show on steroids…is for your children.
And lay off the booze. Its not doing you any favours.
You’re both wrong. But he probably wouldn’t had done it if you didn’t. Now you live with regret.
Your husband was wrong given the circumstances you described. You kissed her just to make a point maybe playful he had absolutely no reason to do the same .
Is it just me or am I the only one who finished that story wondering who tf was driving that party mobile?
Maybe all of you shouldn’t drink so much.
I would do the same thing if I saw my significant other kiss a friend. You really have no reason to be mad. Why do you think you doing it in front of him would be any less upsetting to him? You’re giving yourself a double standard. You initiated the entire situation and now you’re mad? Make that make sense. I’m sorry but your husbands right. What you did was wrong and there are repercussions to actions. Now you have to deal with what YOU caused. Smh. Stop playing victim.
Obvious the use of alcohol is just so none of you feel you need to take responsibility. You’ll either put an end to the nonsense, end up in a threesome, or they’ll have an affair. They’ve put the ball in your court. So decide.
Honestly y’all we’re both kissing on the same person while y’all we’re out drinking it was a crazy night out you’re options are pretty simple either get over the situation you kinda started (sorry but true) or continue blowing it up into something more than it needs to be. Doesn’t sound like something you should throw away your marriage or friendship over since u engaged in the activity yourself as well. Would suggest neither of you to be alone with the friend though because it will probably cause problems.
Stopped reading after “I’m not going to leave him” then why does it matter lol
We’ll … You start this one, so…
I really don’t know what you want us to say. 
Cute back on the drinking seems like a good thing.
Stop drinking. All of you
The difference is she kissed her best friend. Her husband doesn’t need to kiss her friend. I would probably stay away from your friend. Because your friend shouldn’t have accepted the kiss. I probably wouldn’t trust my husband after that either
All these people saying he was hurt seriously?? Would you be hurt if he kissed his guy best friend messing about because I know I wouldn’t be 
Quit drinking with friends
Sounds like y’all need to quit drinking.
Alcohol such a culprit
But you kissed her too so what’s the difference? Neither one of y’all should’ve been kissing her🤷🏻♀️
You created your own drama. Sounds to me like you need to stop drinking.
Maybe she knew what the plan would be if she kept on saying you kissed her . I think she should stop drinking too if she “blacks out” every time she drinks . I don’t understand how your husband got that close to her to kiss her if she was in the back seat … They both wanted to test the water .
You say have her a kiss? Was it a quick peck or some making out. If it was a quick peck your husband took it to far and probably has been wanting to kiss her. Now if you made out with her, I say you’re both even.
You have no right to be mad or upset when u did it first
I think he wanted it to turn into a …
Ok and how old are you guys… if you’ve been married that long? Stop getting black out drunk and grow up. It’s just asking for tons of problems.
Lmao. How do you think your husband feels seeing you kiss someone else? Why’s it okay for you to do but not him? This post is the dumbest thing I’ve read today. 
Well , you started , so , it’s Oky for you to kiss someone else but is not Oky for him to do the same ? Why exactly is that ?
My best friend and I are vey very close , we have been friends for over 20 years and never ever had shared a kiss while drunk .
I think that you probably like her and wants to be more than a friend
Drinking irresponsibly should be your only concern. Who the **** was driving is my question bc the kissing another person isn’t the problem, your drinking is! What kind of 40 year Olds still get blackout drunk for fun??? Then drive home???
You weren’t so drunk you didn’t know what you were doing. You all need to take responsibility for your embarrassing and dumb behavior. Hopefully you can acknowledge you all were dumb and talk about what you can do better next time .
So you’re mad at him for doing what you did first?
I would say you all need to quit drinking. Sounds immature and ridiculous.
I think y’all both need to grow up and stop getting black out wasted. And I really hope you weren’t driving while doing so 
Run from her she is trouble
No one should of kissed anyone. And - If they were your real friend - blackout or not they wouldn’t kiss your man. Just saying
Well, if I was your husband I would think that the kissing you started might lead to a threesome. That is a big fantasy for alot of men so he was probably going with it.
You got jealous and a threesome wasn’t really what you were trying to start. But you can’t do something like that and then get mad when your husband can’t read your mind and misread the signal of what you were doing. Especially while intoxicated.
Talk about it and move on. Don’t blame the girl. Don’t blame your husband. Don’t be kissing your friend anymore.
It sounds to me like you were making a pass at her also and you did it first and she obviously did not reject either one of y’all
I feel like this is a bit of a double standard. You are holding him to expectations that you aren’t holding yourself to. Before addressing him. You should spend some time asking yourself if he deserves the same respect you are ready to demand from him. After you are ready to look at both sides, talk to him- not at him. Strangers opinions matter far less than his.
You kissed her she’s your best friend I’d do the same…… why your partner kissed her? That’s fucked up to even think that was ok. Everyone’s blaming you but tbh I’m aloud to kiss my best friend idk why he thought it would be ok I’d be gone🤷♀️
You not only have a good friend there , but you now have a kissing cousin. Good luck with them friends.
I mean you kissed her first, I doesn’t matter if you’re both girls you still kissed someone else so I guess he’s even
Don’t be a dummy. That friendship needs to end.
My advice would be to never drink with other people if yall are going to drink, and secondly, u can’t be mad since u did the same thing!
This is why I don’t have friends around my man. One day women will learn.
Lol you kissed the same sex i dont see the big deal. But the fact HE kissed her id be pissed! Hell if he wants to go around n kiss other dudes or his friends go ahead:joy:
but the fact he kissed ur best friend id be livid .
Wow just wow. Stop drinking and driving. Don’t be friends with someone that accuses you of kissing them if it isn’t true. I would reconsider being friends with someone who would accuse me of kissing them especially in front of my husband as far as what transpired between your husband and her drinking doesn’t excuse what any of you did. Don’t make your kids suffer allow the friendship to continue but put distance between you , your husband and her. Drinking is no excuse. This is a very unhealthy relationship.
Suggest all of you quit drinking!
You guys are mean 
her feelings are valid. She’s allowed to be upset. Maybe not be directly mad at them because it was all 3. But she’s allowed to be upset at the situation.
I definitely think you should have a conversation with both your friend and your hubby. Don’t blame them for what happened, but just tell them your concerns and that it hurt. We are allowed to get reassurance from those we love and care about. Friends, family etc. communication is key in all relationships and friendships. Talking about it will help 
I mean you opened the door by kissing her first and because he did whst you did, your mad? Thats crazy. Also after 18 years you and your husband shoulf already know each others boundaries and limitstions. Maybe when you kissed her "jokingly"you broke your husbands heart. So he had every right to do what he did
I thought this was a bunch of young kids letting things get way out of hand while drinking, then you said you’ve been with him 18 years and have teenage children…at some point you need to grow up and act like adults, especially when you are raising people into adulthood. It is quite clear that none of you can handle your alcohol, so maybe not drinking would be a good first step. You were in a car, drunk…absolutely poor decision making was happening from the jump. Next step, keep your lips off other people that aren’t your spouse. I don’t care how drunk we are, how close my best friend and I are or whether it was supposed to be a joke…my husband would NEVER be okay with me kissing someone else outside of our marriage and vice versa and we conduct ourselves accordingly. A discussion/serious conversation needs to happen, between you and your husband as well as between the two of you and your friend…being “blackout” drunk is never an excuse for poor behavior. There is a saying that what you do drunk is what you really want to do sober, alcohol just gives you an excuse.
Don’t drink. Ever. AA is a great place to work thru your trauma and issues. We would welcome you and hubby with open arms.
I would never understand why people think its okay to blame every mistake on drinking. Your so called friend remembers but can’t come to terms of admitting it. If you cant handle your drink then just don’t. Your saying you would never leave him but still upset. Then the only thing you can do is cut ties with your “friend” and move on. I definitely wouldn’t claim her as family after this! Are you sure your husband hasn’t done anything with her before?? I would maybe keep an eye on him. Only because he didn’t see the situation as a big deal. He felt more then comfortable to kiss her even though you were there.
She didn’t accept it. She was black out drunk in your words. Now if that was doing the deed that would be classed as R**e. Your poor friend & in all this your bothered about your own feelings. Strange situation to be in!
Be more responsible and respectful when you drink. Sounds like you both took advantage of your black out drunk friend, whom you know has a pattern of drinking too much. You shouldn’t have kissed her to make a point and your husband could have been just as upset at you kissing another person as your are at him. Stop being sloppy or stop drinking in general. You have kids old enough to notice the consequences of this behavior.
Stop drinking. Apparently, none of you can handle it.
I mean, you did it first. Maybe he thought you doing it was cheating so he decided to get back at you and do it as well.
Have you asked him how he felt when you kissed someone else? Because you don’t seem concerned about his feelings at all, only yours.
My husband and I have went out drinking and had people over and drank and neither one of us has ever kissed anyone else…ever.
This is very simple. Don’t do something you wouldn’t be okay with your spouse doing.
How about you guys just stop drinking because this is absolutely ridiculous.
Drinking is not going to help. Coz it will happen again and then blame the alcohol for it. Two wrong don’t make it right. That was a stupid excuse for your husband to do that.
He didn’t “make a pass” at her. He kissed her because in his drunken state, it probably seemed like a good idea at the time and you started it. No double standards. Please stop drinking!
I guess the one question I have is what was the mood before the kiss? Fun jovial everyone laughing and having a fun time? Or serious and trying something new?
Elisamuel Vazquez this is a dumpster fire
It wasn’t appropriate on either of your parts. Don’t do something you wouldn’t be okay with your spouse doing.
If you want to address it you’re going to have to mention it to both parties. Because you’ll never stop thinking about it.
it was a kiss, not an affair and you did it too. Maybe cutting back on the drinking would be a great place to start!
They’re already… never mind😒
Personally I think maybe yall shouldn’t drink so much 
Yikes it sounds a lot like both of you took advantage of your black out friend. She didn’t kiss anyone you both kissed her she was so drunk she doesn’t even remember and your having the audacity to Blame her
Don’t let this ruin any relationship. Chill out on drinking. You’ll be alright. It didn’t mean shit.
Word of advice before stuff happens between the two of them or the three of you, QUIT getting blackout drunk with this woman. Just stop. If she gets blackout drunk thats on her but you and your husband shouldn’t put yourselves in that type of situation. I know it sucks but if it happens again, you’ll probably need to drop your “best friend” of a year and a half to save your 18 year marriage. Forgive them, because, sober you did in fact kiss someone else. Regardless if they locked lips after you initiated it.
Kiss his friend. I bet things would change if you had kissed a guy
I’m actually shocked by all of yalls comments. Cause most of y’all know that y’all would have beat the shit out of both of them. Like fr sit here acting like y’all wouldn’t be mad real cute
So let me get this straight….YOU kissed someone else. Now your mad your husband kissed someone else?……Girl you started every bit of this & now your only worried about the fact that he hurt your feelings. Grow up & stop drinking. Good lord you all sound like your in middle school.
Sounds like he was mad that you kissed her and maybe getting you back in his eyes
Sounds like you and your husband just needs to be staying home with the kids and leave the drinking alone.
You two were kissing a women that you said is known to blackout and have no memory of what happened. That is really messed up.
You guys sound very childish. Perhaps don’t go so hard on the alcohol and perhaps stop kissing people since it’s an issue ?? Lmao
You play with fire, you’re going to get burned.
All 3 of ya were drunk. In a vehicle. Who was driving? Lots to be concerned about here. Maybe making more responsible choices would be a good start to you both respecting your marriage?