My husband left me and I need advice

My husband of three years been with him for 5 left me and our 1 year old daughter 8 days ago for no reason we weren’t arguing or anything at first he said he needed a few days to think it through that is wasn’t my fault or our daughters then after he packed and left started being so nasty towards me blaming me for stuff I don’t even understand then to find out he is sleeping with others and talking to multiple women I am so beyond upset and depressed because I love him so much and just don’t know what to do or how to stop hurting he won’t even talk to me and if he does it’s so rude I don’t know how he can sleep with these girls and talk to them knowing he left his wife and child with nothing I was a stay at home mom but I start a job next month so it’s just a lot any advice helps

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband left me and I need advice

I would find a good male councelor. I think you need advice from a males point of view. Im so sorry this is happening to you.

Screw him. File for divorce and child support. The fact that he can do that to you AND your child makes him a pos. It’s gonna be hard but always remember your worth! You are worth more than settling for a BOY who thinks it’s okay to sleep around and think it’s okay to betray his wife and leave his family high and dry. Use this as a stepping stool and to give yourself and your daughter the life you deserve! Teach your daughter that this is NOT acceptable and YOU are better than this! It’s gonna be hard, tough, and ugly but you both DO NOT deserve this and he does NOT deserve you!

Forget his ass and move on. If he’s gonna do that to you and your child, you can do better. Start your new job and take care of your kid by yourself without his help. Plenty of resources to help you if needed!

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Counseling, and then a lawyer…

Lawyer up for your daughter & yourself first. Then get into some counseling for you.

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Be glad he showed his true self now and stopped wasting your time. Take this opportunity to concentrate on you and your child. All easily said, not easily done.

Stop looking to him for answers. You’re looking for answers and closure…. Unfortunately, you already got as much of that as you ever will. You want to understand, but it’ll never happen. So, understand you and your reactions. End the relationship in your head bc he’s already ended it. File for divorce and emergency child support.

I’m sorry this is happening. Him leaving is unblocking your blessings though and you have a beautiful child out of it all.

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First and foremost file for custody and go after him for child support and also file for divorce. He doesn’t deserve another chance to be with you after this honestly. Also look into therapy for yourself.

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Cry about it as much as you need to but get up and start changing your life for you and your kid, this maybe new to you, but its something he has been planned no one just up and randomly leaves, and he is probably staying with one of the women he is sleeping with, and also from here on out always have your own source of income.

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He’s treating you that way because he is guilty. Get a good lawyer and do what you have to do for you and your child.

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He’s being an ass to make himself justify cheating on you! If in his mind He’s ugly to you then what he’s doing is ok.

He’s being hateful to you, to make himself feel better about what he’s doing! It is not okay! Hug your baby, and use it as strength. You deserve happiness, and should not settle for less. One day there will be someone who loves and treats their family the way a God loving man would!!! Definitely get a lawyer, and keep your head up! You two deserve so much better than that. Let him keep whatever trash he’s messing with. Chances are, he’ll be left all alone, once his fun is over with, and will have no one to blame but himself.

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I had 1 did it for 23 yrs I was stupid

You definitely deserve so much better and your daughter as well. Move on once a Chester always a cheater is how I look at it. He feels guilty for what he has done he can’t face his mistakes so he wants to blame you for things when he’s in the wrong.

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He is being nasty so he can push you away hoping you will go away quietly so he doesn’t have to take responsibility for what he’s done. Focus on what’s best for you and child. Therapy will help you transition to a new normal as you go through the process of divorcing this selfish narcissistic man. You and your child deserve better.

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Honestly, in my own opinion, if the dog wants to run away and willingly become a stray, let him stay a stray. He belongs to the streets now, don’t let that stray dog back in your house. By the time he comes back he could have fleas ticks or maybe even rabies…

Focus on you and your baby. Get a lawyer, get your divorce. Just worry about you and your precious baby. He made his choice.

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Time and lots of it, go through the stages, accept them and then start building a life you could only have dreamed of

Been there. Please don’t ever take him back.

Lawyer up, have him charged with abandonment/desertion and make him pay for it.

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You don’t need him. I know it’s hard in the midst of picking yourself up and starting over. I took my 3 kids and left my husband after 8 years of marriage. He had a problem with alcohol and hadn’t worked for 4 years. My 3 kids and I stayed in a tiny room at my dads house. It was tough, later down the line I met the man I am now married to. Life has been so much better. Just take it one day at a time. Make goals and focus on taking care of your baby and taking care of yourself.

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His reasoning is exactly what hes doing dont blame yourself keep it moving

He will want to come back. Don’t waste your time. File for divorce. File for custody. File for support.

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DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK!!! Cuz he will try!! File for child support and move on!

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He’s projecting his guilt on you. Please know you are worth of so much more.

Document everything document all the women he’s been with when he’s nasty to you and text message for him to save that if in person me or whatever trying video have him sign over his rights or take him for child support go to court evidently you will definitely be better off without him because if you were with him you could get an STD

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Work on you! Find a way to feel better!! Exercise, Go outside, garden, go for walks, start cooking new things, painting, anything to take care of you!! You have to take care of yourself just like you take care of your daughter!!

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File for full custody

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I’m unfollowing this page because all these posts are depressing af it’s all I see in my news feed. You dont need anyone’s advice just put you and your kid first and leave that peace of shit behind its that simple. :100: if your man isn’t meeting youre expectations, leave him!

Find a lawyer, document all financial information and don’t go back to him.

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He’s been cheating before he left. He’s now starting to feel guilty and is also making you feel like you’re the bad guy. To justify what he’s doing. Let him go. This will only hurt you and make you question everything from this moment on. Good luck to you and your baby girl❤️

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He is being nasty because he feels guilty. He has made it plain he doesn’t want to be a husband or father. So let him go. Nothing you do will hang on to him…

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The pain will go away in time. Right now focus on business. File for child support & full custody of your daughter so you can make medical decisions & such without him interfering. Note that he left her without shelter security, money so you can’t trust that he will make decisions in her best interest. He’ll want to come back when he realizes that leaving you costs him money. Don’t let him. He’ll just keep leaving. The cheating won’t stop. He’s making selfish decisions. He’s not thinking of your child. You need to be the 1 step up for her.

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What would there be to talk about?

I think you should focus on the way he’s doing this. Lots of people get divorced if they’re unhappy in their marriage. But he has chosen to abandon you and his child and refuses to speak to you and if he does speak to you it’s abusive. I know you’re sad and hurt, that’s understandable. But his actions are not understandable. You need to protect your child. Get legal help ASAP. And never allow this man back into your heart, bed, home. You can never trust again that he will do the right thing and be a decent human being, let alone husband. I hope for your child’s sake he will step up as a father.

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Along with what everyone else is saying, also consider therapy, for yourself. That sudden loss is a form of grief and you could be suffering PTSD… for yourself and your daughter, you need to take care of yourself. :heart: it’ll take time, but having someone who is licensed and can give you solid coping mechanisms and ongoing support is important. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

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Let him go and you can build a new life for yourself and your child, sounds like he was sleeping around before he left and now he has decided what he wants.

Let him leave and get custody of that child and leave him ALONE!!

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File for state assistance, go to court for a custody agreement, and do you Mama. He’s projecting his shortcomings onto you. From the sounds of things you weren’t in the wrong he was and he’s avoiding taking responsibility and owning up to it. Focus on you and your little one. You’ll gradually start to heal as you move on.

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Let it go and move on . That’ll be the best for everyone. Trust me .

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Never ever ever beg someone to choose/love you. If anything he did you a favor! Build yourself back up and move on. There’s better out there. & after you heal, you’ll find that better. For now, focus on loving you & your daughter. :two_hearts:

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Straighten that crown mama!! Let him walk.

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Is he worth crying over? You and your little one are better off without such a loser.

He left for those other woman sadly. Best thing you can do, is focus on yourself and your daughter. Get therapy to help yourself mentally, when you start your job next month, things will get easier. I would also get a lawyer, where you have no income, I’m sure there is some program where you can get legal aid to help cover the cost and get child support and full custody of your daughter. Document EVERYTHING. Take screen shots of text messages, Facebook messages, note he is sleeping with other woman, their names, the date he left, etc as if he cheated then it’s adultery and it will help you in any separation or divorce.

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If he’s already sleeping with someone else then it’s time to let go and focus on you and your child. If he really wanted to get his self together, then he wouldn’t of jumped in bed with another women so quick. That could also be the reason why he left, as he already was seeing her. Time to pull your self together and get all the help you can. File for everything especially if you have proof of him with someone else.

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He did you a Favor. You are better off

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I feel his lashing out at you is his guilt, it is easier for him to justify his actions if you hate him or feel anger toward him. He is being selfish and harmful to you. It hurts and happens all too often either way. Prayers for you but do not allow this man to make you feel this is in any way your fault, believe me in the long run he just did you a favor and opened the door for a better man to show up!!!

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Get proof of the cheating. File for divorse asap. File for allimony and spousal support.

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Considerate it the trash taking itself out… no real man walks out on his wife and child to run hoes… Focus on you and your daughter. It’s going to hurt that goes without saying but stand tall and strong and know your worth…

1st thing u need to do is File for abandonment charges, you’re better off without him & u trully know that deep down in your heart. u & your daughter will be so much happier, lifes to short to be put through any of he’s or anyone’s shit.good luck to u & your daughter.:two_hearts:

The pain will fade. Don’t let it turn to rage. If he’s already sleeping with and talking to people, he was doing it while you were tg for quite some time before leaving. Accept that he’s gone and don’t take him back. Let him know he has visitations with his daughter every weekend. But you need to seek a lawyer, get a divorce and have visitations and support through court asap.
Good luck.

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Any man willing to act like that is not a man. Especially not one worth the love of a good family. Prioritize your baby & yourself. Try to move on and one day you won’t miss him anymore. Good luck girl :green_heart:

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Get you a divorce go get child support and get him for abandament and let him go once a cheater always a cheater it will never change …like madea says LET HIM GO…best of luck to you and your daughter …

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Honestly love blinds you to the point you will forgive anything, but you shouldn’t. Allow his cheating butt to be someone else’s problem and set up Chile support

You need to know that his cheating had nothing to do with you, it is all about a defect within himself. His trying to make you feel crappy is his guilt, he dumped it on you while trying to rid himself of it but he’s still feeling it as how he left you is wrong and deep down he knows that. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Next you need to realize that you don’t have to figure it all out right now… yes, make plans but they will fall into place. Starting over can be scary but it can also be a great adventure, it’s all in your perspective. Time to believe in you, time to take care of you. You are stronger than you know & you can prosper. Try to stay in the moment & remind yourself of your blessings, a roof over your head, clean water to drink & bathe with, food, clothes etc etc. Sending you love, light & positive vibes :purple_heart:

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Get a lawyer and file and abandonment divorce.

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Major betrayal better to let him go-work on yourself. I’ve read what others have written please follow their advice-it’s better for you and your girl.

Contact an attorney for the best and legal advice in your area

So sorry your heart is hurting so bad… Divorce is like a death in the sense it’s the end of that shared life together and can be just as emotionally draining. BUT, try to find the glimmer of hope, as hard as it is at this moment. This is a brand new chapter in your life and child’s. Let him go and take care of YOU. Consult with a few divorce attorneys and find one you trust. See a doctor and get screened for STDs. Best of luck. :blue_heart:

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Chin up are the crown slips
Take care you and that baby
Go set up childsupport, file for divorce he cheating have your proof of it none that will look good on his part

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This to shall pass. Im sorry you are hurting. Please keep your head up. You deserve better and will have better! He will end up alone and full of regret in the long run.

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He got board of u it’s his lost u will find the right one those who wait better things happen

You’re husband is a narcissist. Move on and never take him back.

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Hes treating you badly because he needs to convince himself you’re a bad person so that he doesnt feel as guilty for doing the things that hes doing. Let him go

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Same thing happened to me. I was dumb then so it happened more than once. He’s making you feel bad because in his mind that makes what he’s doing seem ok. I wasted 10 years. Don’t do the same. The pain will subside. 10 years later, my life is great and his is a hot mess.

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DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK
Doesn’t matter what he says or promises he has showed you who he is and you AND your child deserve better

It happens. Get mad and move on
Same thing happened to me, except he was also on drugs. When he was finally gone for good I felt so good

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With you all being married, everything is half your. File for custody of your baby and get child support for her. Take him for what you can. If he wants to be dirty, then play his game. As long as you are a good mom you will come out on top.

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He’s clearly a narcissist. He is gaslighting, giving you the silent treatment, blaming you for things you haven’t done. The red flags are many, dear. Leave or make a plan to leave. Don’t waste your time trying to change him or do things differently. It isn’t you.

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Sounds like he was already cheating well before he left

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Been there. Its going to be hard and hurt like hell. Lots of unanswered questions. But keep your head up and move forward. Cry scream, do anything you need to but don’t let it tear you down. He knows how to get to you and push your buttons and hurt you. So you do everything in your power to ignore him and not respond back. Message him via text (to have proof of everything)Say that it is hurtful to see that he rather cheat and leave his family behind. That when he wants to see his child to message you. Nothing more. Get back on your feet and when you give him no attention and wants to come back you ignore it and do better. Sending you lots of hugs and prayers. You can reach out to me if you need to talk or vent. Focus on nothing but you and your child <3

You move on. He doesn’t care

This kind of thing is so painful and devastating I always recommend professional counseling. Sounds like you partnered with a player, or one who decided to become one, or kept it a secret from you. These people should never commit to long term relationships but do for their own selfish reasons, and it has little to do with you. Sometimes relationships just come to their own endings, but it sounds like he’s been playing you. So, for your own well being, get your life going in the direction you always wanted it to go, on your own for a while. Avoid rebound relationships, give it lots of time and learn from this. Let go, let God. Divorce is always better than abuse and or death.

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Id say he’s done. Unfortunately you do have a child so I would be making a court appointment he does need to execute his rights and pay support. The ultimate betrayal is what your feeling you were blind sided

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The pain is real - I highly suggest you seek therapy to deal with this. If you don’t have the funds call local churches and ask them if they can refer you to Counseling. Often times they get sponsorships - to help others.

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Absolutely file for divorce, full custody and child support. Document everything too.

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He’s projecting. Hw probably knows he is a terrible person and is taking it our on you so you hate him and he feels justified for leaving and cheating

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File for custody of your baby asap. Show proof of all of this and make sure to file for divorce. Then do what you have to do to take care of you and baby. If he comes back around with that “wanting his family” crap back (especially after court notice that he’ll be on child support) tell him NO and DO NOT take him back.

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He cheated on you. If you have proof. You won the child, his money. I mean he will still have visits. But he BROKE the marriage contract he signed. I know it sucks. But he screwed himself over. You will get everything. I know it hurts now but itll get better and you will find better and although you feel like you lost now, and YOUR lost. In the end you will win. Its his loss might not feel like it now to him but it will hit him just when you start to heal.

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Time heals most wounds… think about it this way, he did you a FAVOR… It only took you 3 years of marraige to find out that he is a selfish pig… At least he didn’t waste 20 years of your life while he was out cheating behind your back. One day you’ll find a good man, fall in love, and realize that it wouldn’t be possible if he didn’t leave you… Things in life rarely make sense when they happen, but give it some time and it eill all make sense, I promise. I got married way too young and my husband cheated on me with my sister-in-law (my brother’s wife)… I was devastated at the time because we were together for 8 years, from the time I was 14 and hes all that I knew… but I got over it fairly quickly honestly… and in time I realized that I was never actually in love with him. I loved him, but it was more as a friend and I just didn’t know the difference because I was too young. Now I look back 13-14 years later, I have 2 beautiful kids, and I am so grateful that he left me because I would never have had my children. I would have stayed because I’m faithful and I would have been so unhappy… I would have never really known what truly being IN LOVE felt like… my life would be totally different… and over time I’ve grown to be grateful for it believe it or not! Now I have no problem with either of them and hold no grudge or ill will towards either of them. Everything truly happens for a reason mama… You will be just fine in time. Never take back a man who would cheat on you, especially with nunerous women, even if he begs for you back… because the trust will NEVER be the same and a relationship without trust is a gauranteed slow death to the relationship. You don’t want to look back in your 40s or 50snand realize you wasted your entire youth with a man who never deserved you to begin with. He treating you bad and being rude because he feels less guilty for what he did if he makes YOU the bad guy… He is trying to justify his actions so that je can live with himself… his guilt will eventually become so heavy that he snaps… but thats on HIM to deak with and live with. You and your baby will be just fine…

You know what you need to do already…

Move on. Time will heal the pain. Just keep going forward, do not fight for him. He is junk.

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I’ve been through a man who cheated our entire marriage. Trust me when I say it’s better he left then you going through it and still with him. He’s shown you his true colors. It hurts … it sucks… But you’ll move one and be happy and find someone one day who won’t hurt you and will want to be with you only.

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That’s infidelity. Keep all texts. Record all calls/conversations. And if you catch him, take photos.
Take him to court and file for divorce and full custody. You will automatically be granted the divorce, because of his infidelity. And because he just up and left you AND the child, and went sleeping around, you could go for abandonment and possibly get full custody of your child with no fight.

Go for the house, car, money, child support. If you have proof of him cheating, you already won.
Go for alimony, because he cheated, he will literally have to pay you until you can financially support yourself and your child, like he was, until you are stable.

And he deserves every single bit of what’s coming to him, with this divorce.

You don’t deserve this.
Show them the proof you have. And you should win girl.

I wish you the best of luck queen. Just remember, people don’t cheat because of their significant other, it’s because of themselves. He’s lacking in himself and therefore looks somewhere else. He will wake up one day and realize the biggest mistake he ever made, and it will be too late. And you will be happy and thriving without him. Keep your head up gorgeous. Good luck :heavy_heart_exclamation:

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Don’t take him back! If you do, he will just do the same thing all over again. I have been in your shoes before. Since you don’t have a job right now, you can go to social services and file for help. They will probably have you file for child support in order to receive this help. After you start your job save money as much as possible for a lawyer and file for child custody and divorce. If possible, see if you can have a family member help you pay for a lawyer. Do not tell him anything! Let all this be a surprise for him. I know it hurts but it does get better. It’s been a year since my divorce. I’ve found a man that’s over the moon for me, loves me for me, adores my kids and treats me way better.

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Change the locks, file for full custody and child support AND spouse support because you have been a stay at home mom. And you dont have to do it spitefully but you are protecting and caring for yourself and your daughter

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Oh yeah hell no file divorce with spousal support and full custody with child support.

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You keep going, for yourself and your daughter. File for a divorce and child support. Don’t take him back, once his little party of random women runs dry he might try to come back. Don’t let him use you as a default until he finds another set of randoms. You and your daughter deserve better. It’s nothing you did, he has commitment and communication issues. He’s just a horrible person. Focus on yourself and your daughter. Seek therapy or even a group on FB to talk to, go on outings with your daughter to the park, fill your time with fun memories with your daughter. You’ll come out of this stronger, it may take time, but you’ll get through this!

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Get a divorce and get child support, you will need it! He’s never going to change his ways,no matter what he tells you! Move on ,you will have a Much Better life without him in it!! Time will certainly heal your pain, Better to just be alone with your child while you heal! Prayers for a beautiful life and future for you, stay strong and determined to have a happy life!:pray::pray::pray:

He was cheating first don’t let him walk all over you. Second get a lawyer and the divorce going so you can get a custody routine set up. You can also file in your own if you would like or have to online. Document every for court and save all messages from him. Make it clear if its not pertaining to the child you are not having a conversation with him. Get child support . Learn on friends and family for support even therapy. Work on yourself . Reach out to DHS or local organizations for help. DHS can help pay for day care,food and bills at times and medical. Also don’t let him take the kid until you establish custody or he can keep her until you guys go to court.

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Sounds like he did you a huge favor honestly.

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Be strong. You are stronger than you know. You need to shift how you see this man. He is not who you thought he was. You and your child deserved better. Make the choice to learn and grow from this. Never take him back. And honestly….don’t talk to him anymore. Ripping off the bandaid is the best thing you can do. Don’t be his punching bag emotionally. Stand up for yourself and make your decisions that are best for you. And that includes no contact with him.

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He did you and enormous favor. Focus on that baby and organizing and decorating your home for your new beautiful peaceful prosperous life. Bag up his crap in black trash bags and drop them at his house. Do not contact him and respond in your own sweet time when he contacts you. Ignore any communication from him that is not about his baby. Redecorate and declutter. Hire an attorney and have him served. Take control and get mean. You deserve better and will find it when you are ready. Do not entertain his apologies and wooing 5 minutes after you disconnect from him. He’s worthless and you need to treat him as such.

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Been there done that . Let him go . It will take a long time to heal . Find a good therapist and work through this. God will heal your pain over time . Praying for you .

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breathe & thank God, he left, Write down in a book/diary every evening how you are feeling, what he said what he did to you, everything. But don’t read it yet, In about 6 months or so, take it out & start reading from the beginning & you will get it , you will understand it better. You did nothing wrong, you have the right to be upset, but at the same time, you should & will feel grateful. See a lawyer & get temp, custody of your daughter, Because he still is her father & if he wants to be a more of a prick, he can take her & there is nothing you can do about it, because he is her father, So by getting temporary custody, he can’t do that

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Ugh girl. I’ve been in your position. Hear me when I say that this is not your fault. There is nothing you did or didn’t do. Men like this do it because they aren’t happy with themselves and find excuses for their actions. My best advice is to make plans to move on and follow through. Only talk to him when you need to…like about your child. Keep it short and to the point. Don’t call him unless it’s an emergency with your child.
It does get better over time, I promise. In my case, it worked out for the better. I realized that he did me a huge favor…in a shitty way, but nonetheless my life is soooo much better without him. You can and will do better without him. :heartbeat:

He left you for other girls. Girl leave. He doesn’t care

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Love yourself deeper than the love you think you have for him, love for him will dwindle. Remind yourself he didnt love you and shouldn’t be one sided.

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May not be what you want to hear, but be happy that he left you and your child …because a few years been wasted …but you could have lost so much more …and God is allready opening doors for you …you are worthy to be loved as you give love …I know it hurts …be strong and move on. …one say you will look back and say …thank you God …you knew what was best. .sending hugs and strenght…all will be well.

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File for divorce on the grounds of abandonment. Take him for alimony and child support. Move on in a positive direction. Normally, i wouldnt be so callous. However, he seems like a real looser. Married, cheating, abandoning his wife and child. Thinking with his penis and being extremely childish and selfish. I would run to an attorney and not look back. Best wishes. Much peace and love ☆