My husband got a work bonus and hid it from me. First he lied and say it’s money he’s stashed over the months, and today, I caught him in a lie that he got a work bonus. We could really use it for bills, but he won’t tell me how much he got or give me any to pay bills. Am I overreacting? I’m really upset.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband lied to me about getting a bonus from work: Advice?
I’d be pretty pissed actually… man up and pay the bills.
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If my husband lied to me about money I’d wonder what else he’s lying about.
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Therapy or divorce. Do you think you’ll ever be able 
rust him to be truthful about money ever again?
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I’d be upset, but it would make me look deeper at why he was afraid to tell me. Just a thought.
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Yes, you’re over reacting. I’ve started stashing money and haven’t told anyone. Nor do I touch it. It’s for emergencies. You could do the same. 
I wouldn’t be mad whatsoever if my husband did that. My father in law saved 7 grand and didn’t tell my husband’s mom. She was pissed. Why did he not tell her? Because she wanted to use it for paying off large corporations that they’re in debt too, when they’ve been paying it off regardless. So what, you use that money and then you have zero piece of mind that you have money stashed away incase something happens? Be upset, so you can pay more bills or use it unnecessarily? He has that money incase something happens. Get a grip. For any woman who feels justified to divorce their husband over “lying” (simply not telling) about having money, you didn’t earn that bonus, you legitimately think it’s yours to use, and you’re the reason men hide their money from you. Every single one of you, I guarantee you your husband’s hide money from you. Period.
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Who makes more money, how r the bills split…r accounts separate together. we don’t have all the information needed here.
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If I make extra money, I like to pamper myself. But if he isn’t paying the bills and then he lies about it, then that’s a huge issue. Why the need to lie if he has nothing to hide?
That could be considered financial abuse.
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Seems to me that he does t give a flying heap about your marriage. Only you can decide what you will tolerate.
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I would be upset and ask him what his reasons were hey you never know many his reason is he’s trying to get you something
maybe he is saving it to surprise you with something nice
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I used to work with guys. Some were married and had separate accounts that wives didn’t know about…the reason for most was that their wives nag them when they gamble . I know stupid, I felt bad for the wives. A lie is a lie.
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Hes got money and you’re behind on bills? Hes saving to leave.
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This just could be me, but are you not on the same bank account? I’m engaged and carry their debit around all day so although I wouldn’t know? I would also have access. And they would tell me for sure because I’m sure I’d be booking a trip. I would be totally pissed off. What’s his reasoning for not telling you.
It’s his bonus. He should be able to spend it as he pleases. Bills can be paid how they normally are. Why are you so caught up in wanting the money? It’s probably why he hid it from you.
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Woah woah woah…. Im assuming you don’t work? A bonus isnt budgeted money and maybe he wants to treat himself a little. He works hard for you weather you have a job or not. Don’t choke him out completely with money because money is a huge reason why people divorce. He doesn’t want to share it so respect that boundary. It sounds like he shares all his other checks. Let him have that one
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Only stingy mofos will say it’s his money. you’re his wife
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When I make extra $ or get a bonus I make the decision of what to do with it. 9x out of 10 it’s for kid stuff or vacation. But it’s my choice and I rarely include my spouse in the discussion.
When my husband gets extra $ or a bonus he typically saves it for something he wants. It’s his to do with as he pleases & isn’t my business.
When you say he’s not giving you any to pay bills how would you have paid for them if he hasn’t been bonused? Maybe he kept it because he wanted to do something special with it or is trying to save for an emergency.
I feel like a lot of context is missing here.
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Are you behind on rent, power, water, phone? Basic bill ?
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If anything, you are under-reacting! He is a self centered jerk.
Yeah hell nah. It would be one thing if y’all were dating or not living together but to hide something like this while MARRIED is not okay. Not only to hide it but to LIE about it? I’d be pissed.
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Shit. paychecks are for bills, bonuses are for pleasure bro let him that man enjoy himself. For all you know that my money might be put aside for you don’t ever assume anything ever.
They deserve to spend some on what they like or put some away for themselves for their likings. They work hard for their money (if they do) I’d say as long as bills will get paid some how he can do whatever he pleases with it since it was extra he wouldn’t of had anyways. Let him enjoy it.
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Idk I don’t discuss my finances any longer with someone I’m with. Learned that lesson.
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Depends. Maybe hes planning something for you guys? You know your relationship best.
It depends I guess. Do you have an income or does he pay all of the bills?
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Maybe you are the reason he hide it in the first place, he got that bonus himself, why you feel entitled to money you haven’t earned?
How do you been able to pay the bills without that money?
Maybe he wants the money for something else that paying bills .
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I personally would just file in for divorce and leave and make my own money and not depend in any man for anything… Husband or not
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I don’t really understand trusting someone enough to be the father of your kids but not with shared finances. Honesty is the basis for a relationship.
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Been married 32yrs and it has always been “Our” money. It didn’t matter when I made more than she did or now that she makes more than I do. We are a couple. We have bills that we both made. We pay them from our money.
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If you guys are struggling and he doing that it gives you every reason to be upset why would he want to put more stress on an already stressful situation. He should be responsible for some of the bills if you are married and living together. But if you have paid your bills for the month and its his extra cash you shouldn’t be upset about it and learn to save your extra cash as well…
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You’re just looking for a reason to complain. Wooby freakin’ poo.
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The lie is a problem. If you’re behind on bills at least part of it should go towards catching up.
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This sounds more like jealousy than anything.
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Uhmmm if you’re behind on bills, any money that comes in - his or yours, goes toward the bills. He lied and kept shit from you. Probably a reason for that.
You sound like your his mama or something.
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When you work hard and are tight on finances you do a lot of denying of “want to’s” in favor of “have to’s”, so a bonus can seem like a windfall that you can play with, but if you’re lying to your family and deferring bills in favor of luxury spending - checkmate
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Also it don’t sound like u are behind on bills it sounds like your going crazy cause u want to know how much he got and u can’t believe he isn’t giving u any. Sound like someone controlling and possessive.
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Sounds like he is saving up to leave. Be cautious.
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He should of lied and if your behind he should help catch you guys up
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If he hadn’t gotten the bonus, y’all would still be behind right? So pretend he doesn’t have it. He worked hard for it tbh. He already gives his paycheck to bills right? Let him have this little bit 
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so at my job bonuses are unexpected, but you should share that information with your spouse especially if you have children. You don’t want to end up on the street etc if he has a gambling problem. But as someone else said, maybe he was planning something for anniversary etc
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My husband pays all the bills. I know what he makes, he does it all.
I work and if I get a bonus I’m spending it on me for once. He earned it, let him have it. Use regular funds for bills.
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Well you will find out at tax time how much money he got unless he is willing to defraud the IRS in order to hide money from you ? Especially if you file jointly
He works for the bills… a bonus is his. He probably hid it from you because he knew you would expect him to just hand it over 
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It should definitely not be hidden, that’s just odd. You’re married, it should go towards bills or something for the family. Is there a reason he’s hiding it from you? Like maybe a past addiction or a spending issue, or maybe he never gets to have spending money and since it was a bonus, he wanted to spend it? You both need to sit down and talk to each other about why you’re both feeling this way. Good luck x
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Give him the bills to pay. Tell him he needs to pay them and you’d like to see confirmation numbers.
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I hide mine from my husband. If not, he will want to spend it on nonsense.
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I’m gonna be real my husband tells me when he gets a bonus or a raise regardless. We have 4 girls together and he may get shit for himself and not me which is hilarious cause I do me too find a damn stash a weed an I ain’t got shit 
but for real honesty is the best policy it’s silly that he won’t tell you like does he have a good reason as to why he won’t share an if I were you I would have fun and be sneaky and find out for myself don’t do that though
Men will always hide money. My ex got a Xmas bonus he hid from me for years. I Found out after the divorce. He’s a dick and Karma will get him with a heart attack or hit by a semi 
If your a stay at home wife/ mom then I could understand this being an issue since y’all a team on one income. But if both of you have jobs then I wouldn’t care if he kept it for himself but upset he lied.
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Of you bills are current & not abt to get disconnected…let him have that bonus…
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Money coming into the home is joint income. It goes in one account and everything is paid from that. Anything left over from daily expenses is joint savings.
Buying a little thing for yourself is ok. Big expenses are discussed and agreed before purchase…its called being married.
He wants his own money…he can have it but I wouldnt be staying
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Would you tell him if YOU got a bonus and he wanted you to fork it over to him?
Holy hell. He worked for it, it’s his. Not yours. No wonder he hid it from you.
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If I were in your situation I’d honestly be upset that he didn’t tell me about the bonus but I wouldn’t expect it to be put towards bills either.
We budget our regular monthly income to accommodate our bills and in my opinion a BONUS should be used to treat yourself and/or family. I used to earn quarterly bonus based on meeting sales targets but I never counted in that money and if and when I earned them I would treat my husband and children
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Lying is wrong. Period.
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It depends.
If in my marriage, 100% of income is shared, I’d be upset.
If not, then I’d consider it none of my business.
But I’d still be hurt that he kept that info from me. 
Yeah I would be pissed. This is exactly why people do not get ahead. Needless spending. Take care of all high interest bills first before you get any I wants. Get rid of the bills then you save for the I wants instead of drowning in debt
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Ok. Let him have his windfall. BUT… I would start putting a little back here and there for a rainy day myself. On the off chance he is putting money back for alternate living arrangements, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be prepared too. In fact, you didn’t say if you have children or not, but I would consider finding a job too. You could comment the extra money would come in handy for bills, and you could salt more money back in your “rainy day” fund. If it turns out his little savings account is innocent, it won’t hurt anything if both of you have extra. If it’s not, and he does plan on making an exit, you won’t be caught flat-footed.
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the lying part was wrong, no way around that! we split the bills and his money is his and mine is mine, I wouldn’t expect him to fork over a bonus or expect it to be spent on the family, he works damn hard.
Some of these comments are not it😬
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Depends on the circumstances. If he’s putting it away for your retirement or to invest it because you will spend it then he’s fine. If he’s just hoarding it away from the family and you need it that’s a issue. All money earned as a married couple is to be spent as a family. Not for one individual to hoard for themselves
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If you’re behind on bills I could understand but if you’re not let him have some cash
It’s HIS bonus…that HE worked for…you have no right to it. It’s a bonus, for him, for his hard work. Let him keep it. Let him buy himself something nice. The entitlement is why he lied to you.
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No you’re not overreacting. Definitely wrong.
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Sounds like you guys have a great open line of communication, trust and transparency 
It’s an issue
Does he pay the bills otherwise?
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If you have bills that need to be caught up on I’d be mad . I’d be mad about the lying in general.
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What does he need to keep it to himself for? If you have a family, there are always bills to be paid and food and clothing to be bought for the family! If you want to keep it for yourself; stay single!
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Money is a big trigger for me because my x was so shady about money. I would be HOT if he lied about it. Seems sketchy to lie.
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Nope. You’re not wrong at all. The bills need to come first. He sounds irresponsible & he lied. People feel entitled to things they want because they work. No. You have a responsibility to pay your bills & take care of needs first. Then you could buy whatever you want. Obviously, the bills aren’t being taken care of first & he’s lying. I’d be furious!
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My paycheck bonus is not up for grabs. I worked for it, I do what I want with it, unless there was a family need meaning we were behind in bills or something.
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I understand needing the money for bills, I would be more concerned with the fact he is lying about it and keeping it to himself
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Maybe he didn’t tell you because he wanted to surprise you with something.
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Autonomy is just as important as togetherness
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If he ain’t paying bills he can’t stay here
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Family is most important and he should use this extra money to provide for his family if is needed otherwise spend a little and put some in savings for a rainy day. If he wants to be separate and selfish with it then tell him to use that money for a hotel room until he gets his damn priorities right! I’d be pissed that he lied and that he was being self centered. I may slowly start stashing money of my own that he doesn’t know about in the event that I had to leave and support myself with only 1 income.
No I don’t think you’re overreacting especially if you have bills that need paid. It might be a bonus but if you’re both behind why can’t you get caught up. His priorities are messed up and I can’t be with someone like that again. Let alone be with someone who thinks it’s OK to lie about it. And I have access to my husband account, so he can’t lie to me about that kind of thing anyway.
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If you have bills needing to be paid then the bonus should go for that! Unless it was previously discussed that he keeps bonus money for himself.
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I mean it’s weird to hide that he got it… I’d be proud to share that news 
but at the same time, I worked hard for it and would want to spend that bonus on myself for a change.
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Do you work? Do you over spend? Seems to me there is much more to this story… as long as bills are paid… any any extra is his to do what he wants with.
My husband and I have always had separate accounts. And it’s worked amazingly.
Of course. He is old school… and doesn’t want my money. Nor do I want his.
I would be more upset that he lied to me than having the money. Time to have a talk!
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That’s not cool. I agree with you.
Wow that’s not a good communication 
check where he’s been spending money
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My late husband always shared his bonuses with me.
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Monies in a marriage should be shared if there are household bills. Check out other things he may be hiding.
Kelly Durkin or accusing him of a drug addiction or gambling problem
He probably hid it bec u spend too fast or buy unesasary things cnt blame the man. Hv to hear both sides of the story
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He is definitely hiding some issue with you. Maybe an addition, maybe an affair you need to have a heart to heart even if it hurts you
I’d be so mad. If we’re behind on bills. That’s where money goes
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No!!! Paying bills always comes b4 fun money
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Sad. But… apparently it’s his money only. So… don’t cook him dinner, or wash his clothes, or give him favors. Care for your family… but when he asks ( and he WILL ask…) tell him that your time is YOURS now that he’s not sharing his bonus. Tell him how hurt and betrayed you feel. Then suggest counseling !
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It’s a bonus let him have it for him he obviously needs some him money to stop you from taking it but shit he has lied about it he could of had balls to stand his ground with you and say I got a work bonus and he is keeping it I think maybe he is a bit scared of you and to be able to spend it on him self would be a no if you found it
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I would really be upset.
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How often have you kept money back as an emergency stash without telling hubby$
It’s his bonus money for working. He should be able to keep that money. He works hard to earn that bonus.
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