He sounds stressed. My husband works 7am-2pm and 4pm-midnight and it’s new. He’s spent 5yrs self employed and the adjustment is hard mentally and physically. Give him a break for a bit and let him mind and body adjust.
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Maybe he needs time to adjust. And is he actually sleeping? I bet it’s not that quiet with 3 kids in the house. I hated 3rd shift.
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My man just started working 3rd shift a few months ago and it has been physically and mentally exhausting on him (and me!). I totally understand where you’re coming from because I feel like a single mother and everything in the house has become my responsibility while working a full time job. But try to have patience with him and let him try to find a routine that works for him. He has only been at it for a month, give him time to adjust. Literally his whole world is upside down right now, his sleep, eating, pooping schedule… everything is different. So have patience and hang in there
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Let him rest. Try working 11 pm to 7 am and see how you do and you’ll see how exhausted you are and how your body is confused because it takes time for it to adjust to that change.
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Working night shift can be super tough not only for him but for the whole family. My husband worked nights majority of the last 9 years and finally found a better job working straight day shift and weekends off which is so much better for our family and kids. Let him get used to the work scheduled and things will change.
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At least he’s working. Let him rest. He will come around when his body gets used to it.
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Night shift is hard but that statement is even harder! Do us both a favor?
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Night Shift takes a toll on your body, your health, and your relationship. I did it for two years and it was absolutely miserable. It took me a long time to also get in the groove of not over sleeping. Give it time. It’s a big change.
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It’s called the graveyard shift for a reason. I’ve worked it myself. No amount of daytime sleep is the same as night time. Give him a break.
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Whats his job some jobs are hard. mine did worked 12hr shifts 16day straight him an I both are essential workers in medical field when covid become full force we never saw each other we didn’t even get to pass each other except on highways we beep an wave it was our life for over a yr it got rough sometimes 12 hr turned into 16hr or more
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Night shift is for night owls people, I was on nights for 12 years I didn’t have a problem but I’m a night person and only sleep 4 hours a day. That is with two kids and the wife working day shift. When I was on these night shifts it was easy to tell who is a night person and isn’t they struggled all night and it affected their home life in a very negative way. My suggestion would be to look for a job with hours that are cundusive to the life style needed. Also marriage is something you work at it will not be perfect all the time. If someone says it should be they’ve either not been married or lie for a false good image.
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3rd shift is a struggle for those who aren’t used to it. I might be a night owl but when I worked 3rd shift my body NEVER fully adjusted. I spent almost every day off shift sleeping, I’d sleep from the time I got home to the time I needed to get back to work, I missed birthday parties and plans with friends and family. It’s a different type of exhausted than day shift. It’s mentally draining, physically it feels like you went to bed after a bad accident, emotionally you just lose your filter and literally stuff comes flying out your mouth and it’ll take days to realize what you said and why it hurt someone, your body takes this huge toll to provide for your family and unless someone else in the family understands because they’ve been there, nobody will fully understand. Don’t beat him up for it and make him feel worse. You go try doing it and see how you long you last
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Should encourage him to go out and have some time for himself with friends. If he feels appreciated, maybe he’ll appreciate you more.
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It literally takes 2 parents working to make a good living so if he’s working and paying all the bills try to understand what that entails. Not sure what his job is but some can mentally and physically drain a person. I’m sure he would love to do more than just work all the time. Compassion would show you’re still a loving partner who is in the relationship for the long haul. Hope you can work thru this rough patch.
That is the hardest shift to work and be an active family member its almost impossible to do both. It burns you out so fast.
damn ya’ll are so quick to have her call it quits:woman_facepalming:
this is why marriages don’t last. first sign of trouble ya’ll think it’s ok to just quit…my hubby works thirds from 8pm to 8am basically…sometimes longer BUT we have the weekends together and he still here and there helps out and is amazing with our 4 kiddoes. we have been through one hell of a roller coaster ride and yet we still love each other and work through our problems…third shift blows BUT your hubby has a fatherly and husband duty as well. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s hard on both sides! I’m a stay at home mom and it’s literally the hardest job I’ve ever had. And I’ve had alot of jobs!! Try and set up a new routine for the whole family, it takes time but if ya love each other, you will get through it!
Also if you leave him or kick him out hope u realize that being a single parent ain’t easy and you’ll be working then daycare then doing the housework and tending to the children by yourself do u realize that right?
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My Hubby works a 14 hour , overnight shift. He does it to provide for us. And , he’s never complained. I want him rested and refreshed for every shift.
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I agree with the majority in part yes overnight shifts are the worst but with what your describing he may be going into a depressive state as well. With lack of rest your body can spiral into depression.
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If he just started third shift give him a few to adjust. It took me 6 months to be able to up more than 10 hours. The 8 hours of work and the 2 hour drive round trip. He might be having trouble sleeping. Black out curtains, help begin a routine sleeping routine in bed by 9 with a hot shower, a meal in his stomach etc, louder noises and up by 5. And if he need it then a quick nap from 9 to 10p for a few months b4 he can be up for the full 16 hour days. But between 9 and 5 let it be his sleeping hours.
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Night shift is hard to begin with. Add in depression which it sounds like he may have as well and its a recipe for disaster. Try to be more understanding and have a discussion with him about seeing a doctor or therapist. It really sounds to me like he’s just tired and depressed with something.
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Night shift is HORRIBLE! It’s going to take him a while to adjust. He is most likely physically and mentally exhausted. He also seems stressed or depressed. Cut him some slack and let him get used to these new hours. I did a few nights of 10 pm - 6 am and I was miserable and would never do it again.
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Sounds like he needs to set his values straight or he just don’t like his family 
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Honestly, if you bring up a legitimate issue to your partner about how you: a) need more help with the family/home you share together; and b) would like him to actually BE a part of said family; and their only reaction is to complain that you’re “bitching” and say crap like, “maybe you should kick me out then” the correct way for you to respond is, “Yeah, I guess I should.” And be done with his sorry ass.
If he isn’t interested in being involved and you’re going to have to do all the work yourself like a single parent, you may as well BE a single parent. At least you could date other people and maybe find someone who actually has time for you and your kids and can bring more happiness than misery into your life.
If he’s legitimately depressed, then he needs to take appropriate steps to learn to manage that, and not just sleep the day away to avoid life. (I say this as someone’s who’s been managing depressing for nearly 30 years now.)
Takes 2 people to make a relationship work at any level, and if only 1 person is putting in effort, it’s not going to work. It just won’t.
And frankly, I’ve worked all kinds of shifts: days, afternoons, evenings, graveyards - never once stopped me from being present in my own life and family, nor did it mean I needed 13 hrs of sleep between shifts to avoid all of my responsibilities in life. Even with my depression in tow!
I’ve had jobs where I worked from 10pm-6am, gone home to my partner just leaving for work, stayed up to take my kid to school at 8:30am, went to bed at 8:45-9am and set my alarm for 2:15pm so I could get up to go get my kid from school, spent time with my kid in the afternoon, cooked dinner to eat with my family when my man got home from work, and headed off to work at 10pm again.
I’ve had jobs where I worked 10-12 hrs a day in a warehouse doing hard labor and jobs where I’ve worked 12-16 hr days running my ass ragged in healthcare, and I STILL always came home and made time for my family and cooked meals and cleaned the house and all that crap (and my man has always helped with all that, too!)
Why? Because I’m an ADULT and I have responsibilities that I can’t just ignore in order to sleep all day and avoid everything and everyone. Sure, it’d be nice, but that’s not really living, is it? It’s sort of just existing, and really, with no purpose. And it’s sure as shit not being an adult. More like a sulky, emo teenager, at best. 
There’s no excuse for his behavior other than purposely not giving a shit and not even wanting to be involved in the family/household. He can suck it up and be a part of the family or leave and be lazy on his own.
Trust me - life gets better when you drop the dead weight. It literally only serves to hold you back and create more problems for you. 
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I work 1900-0700. And that’s IF I don’t stay over or come in early to finish reports or what ever the case is. I’ve been doing nights for months now with 3 kids. It is mentally, physically and sometimes emotionally draining. It was hard as hell to adjust to. Cut him some slack. Once he adjusts he will adjust at home too.
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Him telling you to kick him out and do you BOTH the favor… speaks volumes, honestly.
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Some of y’all have some crappy expectations. No, she isn’t over reacting.
First, she expressed how she felt and he blew it off as if it didn’t matter. He should have communicated back with her. He even stated that she should “kick him out” basically saying he doesn’t care about the family and would be okay leaving. All of his responses insinuate he wants no part of the family.
Secondly, even if she is a SAHM, that doesn’t mean she does any less work. She stated she has 3 children. She didn’t state the ages of these children. How do you know she isn’t up through the night most nights on top of being busy all day? You don’t. Being a SAHM is a lot of work. So the “she probably doesn’t work” comments are unnecessary.
Third, for everyone saying that you need more sleep working nights, I worked night shift before and I couldn’t sleep during the day, I almost never slept. Everyone is different though so that’s not to say he doesn’t need more sleep. But an hour less isn’t going to hurt him.
Now, I think going from 9 to 5 is a bit much. But maybe even just ask for an hour. This is his family and he should want to be apart of it. Hopefully you figure out a good solution for both of you!
But also, I’m sure he has days off. What does he do during those? That’s also pretty important to know.
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I used to work 3rd shift and the first 6 months til my body got used to it I would sleep 8am to atleast 8 or 830pm. 3rd shift is very hard on your body. Cut him some slack I dont think he wants to sleep that long, his body just needs him to!
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Working nights are hard, plus with this heat he probably is worn out and if it’s physically demanding too, heck I’d sleep that long… but hes gotta have days off on those days maybe you both help each other out
I dealt with this with my ex husband for years. And everyone always made me feel terrible for wanting him to help me or wanting him to spend time with me and our son.
Those are sucky hours, I worked them. If I was not the only parent in the house, I would be doing the same thing he is doing. I was only awake 3 hours in between. It sucked because I felt like I was either sleeping or working. Give him some slack till he figures this one out.
Third shift is AWFUL. He might need time to get used to it.
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You have been together for 10 years, I’m still after 18 years over the moon that my husband is such a good provider and i do everything I can to make him comfortable when he is home and IDC you can call me old fashioned but I still believe that men and women have certain roles and if you don’t want to play your role it’s going to mess up your family dynamics. Btw I don’t necessarily mean that only the man should work and the woman should stay home, but if he is working then he is being an active member of the family.
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He’s talking from a place of exhaustion
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I hope the ones that are saying “speaks volumes” or “hell no” has worked those hours. Night swift, especially those hours are hard on you. Physically and mentally. It sounds like he may be depressed? He’s literally working and she’s complaining all he does is sleep when he isn’t. Maybe he needs to get used to those hours. Let him figure this out. Be supportive. Be his peace. Ask him hows he’s doing. Find out if he’s okay. Don’t run to a fb anonymous group asking for other people’s advice, but most will tell you to throw the whole man away. TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND. Don’t go at him with an attitude.
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My Fiance works 12hr shifts. 2 weeks He is 7am to 7pm and 2 weeks 7pm until 7am. The 2 weeks he is on days isn’t bad, but when He is nights its awful for all of us. It really does take a toll. He said He really doesn’t sleep much. Its louder in the house so you have on and off sleep, it messes with your body etc. Trust Me I get your frustration when He is nights We are lucky to spend an Hr a day with Him and I do everything, but I understand He is exhausted too. He has been at this new job 4yrs now and can’t adjust to this schedule. It may take time or He may never get use to it, BUT his attitude towards you and not being understanding of your feelings isn’t right at all. He shouldn’t be like that. Mine will at least get up and try not be selfish to Me or our son. You deserve better than that.
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He needs time to adjust to 3rd shift. It’s really difficult and stressful on the body. This is coming from someone who also works the graveyard shift. I’ve been doing it for 3 years straight and I still hate it. All I want to do is sleep, I’m always exhausted, I feel like I never have energy to do anything fun with my family. Do you work too? If so then I fel like he should still participate in more household duties than just taking out the garbage and mowing the lawn. I know being a sahm is stressful too, so even if he is putting in all the hours and your only priority is the home, it is nice to have him awake to at least spend an hour or 2 awake so he can watch the kids while you get that little break to shower or do something you can’t with kids. I have a friend who only worked 6-8 hours a day and her husband works 12s 7 days a week. She would still complain she needs more help at home, yet his income and sacrifice is the reason she is able to be home more. It’s about mutual understanding. Also. If he doesn’t work on weekends he should definitely be more involved during that time.
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I’ve never worked night shift, but I’ve seen what it does to people physically and mentally, its draining! Don’t take it to heart on the way he responded, (even tho it was not right) he’s probably still adjusting to it.
Nights are hard, he seems like he’s really trying. My husband worked nights and the “help” (which was perfect) was he would help the kids get ready before school and walk us all the the car, since I worked in a daycare we all left. Then he would sleep for the day. I’d get home about 6pm and he’s ether be up or not.
Try seeing if he will help with breakfast before bed. Apologize for the
misunderstanding. Tell him thank you for working such a difficult shift.
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I used to work 10p-6a, it sucks!!! I would sleep from about 900am until 9pm everyday, it is so hard on you
I work 12 hour night shifts. IT WEARS YOU DOWN. Took me at least 3 months to get my body on a sleep schedule (sort of). It’s way harder than anyone thinks it is if you’ve never done it. It’s messing with your circadian rhythm and hormones. Your tired no matter how much you sleep and way more irritable. I understand the frustration but try to give him a little more time to adjust.
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I’d suggest for his health and your family that he look for another job with day hours. Night shifts are not good for the body or mental health and are hard on a marriage and family.
I agree that him sleeping 12 hrs, eating and then going back to work again is probably frustrating, but maybe he hasn’t adjusted to the night shift yet, or it’s already taking a toll on him. I’d be compassionate with him, and help him look for a better job.
I get what ur saying… I was a single mom working 11pm-7am & i’d come home & get the kids off to school & then sleep till they got home… Did homework with them …made dinner … Cleaned up got their clothes out for the next day … Watched a bit of tv with them & and get them to bed for sitter & back off to work… Talk about tough… Try not to complain too much … At least he’s supporting the home… Then when i remarried my husband worked out of town & only came home on weekends I had my 2 children & 2 step children & i still worked & cleaned & cooked… That was a toughy… But i did it… Try & make time for eachother when u’s are off together… Do some date nights & Best wishes 
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Omg let the man sleep his feeding you isnt he
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Umm… night shift is a struggle but hell no! Be a man and make time for your family. Period! He’s not just tired, he’s over the relationship. "Do us both a favor"
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My mom worked third shift my whole life growing up and it’s rough on the body. Not many people would choose to do that to support their family so I would definitely say cut some slack. This post just made me think about my Mom and how amazing she was to do that to provide for us. Hope this helps.
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My husband has been on third shift several times in our marriage. It was usually followed by a hiccup in our relationship, where we fought a lot. I felt a lot like you, that he was sleeping too much, and I was left to do everything alone, and it made me feel really bitter. Then we talked it out, and I told him I was just angry because I miss him and I feel like we never saw him. He admitted that he had difficulty adjusting to day time sleep. Just the other day, he slept until 6 p.m., which is unusual because he does try to wake up and be active with me and the kids now. He said he just kept waking up throughout the day, and he had a horrible headache. It ended up extending his sleep by several hours. Sleeping during the day messes up SO much in your body.
I don’t think you’re wrong to feel the way you do, but I can see his side, too. Perhaps counseling might be good for you both. My husband and I went, and out relationship got so much better. This round of midnights, we haven’t had a single hiccup. In fact, our relationship is so great, we accidentally made baby number 3 lol. I will swear by marriage counseling forever.
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Where do yall read that she is a stay at home mom?!?!?!?
And even if she is how dare you for excusing him from being a parent because third shift is tough. You know good and dam well that if it was her working third shift there would be no go to work, go home, got sleep! SO WHY DO YOU EXCUSE HIM FROM BEING A PARENT AND PARTNER IN A RELATIONSHIP!!!
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I worked night shift when I was pregnant 
I jus recently found out then… and when id get home I’d cook for my daughter around 9ish am… and I’d fall back asleep til her dad gets up… it’s so tiring working night shift… but I did it!.. and my bf would let me sleep when I’d get home… I worked for only like 4 months tho… I would’ve supported him if he was working those hours too but he doesn’t wanna work until after I have baby… cause I’m high risk when pregnant too… so he hasn’t really left me alone only if I go out for medical
I used to work graveyard 10pm-6am), get off work and watched my nephew (infant) till the afternoon then slept in the evening (from like 2pm-9pm) so no it’s absolutely possible for him to be doing more. Plus a month to adjust to the new hours is plenty. Now as a SAHM and caregiver I feel like I’m working way more than I ever did. It never ends lol
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I did 3rd shift for the longest time and I kicked my ass. I had no life. I was always tired and no matter what I did I still felt like I couldnt get enough sleep. I had my days off in a row and my first day(night)off I stay up all day and go to sleep at night and wake up the next morning and have a normal schedule then stay up as late as I could so I could take a nap before work and go back to work. Its alot of work.
*This is Long *
I worked nightshift about 2 years ago now. I have 5 kids, 3 are mine 2 are my boyfriend’s. During this time my youngest wasn’t in school and my step kids weren’t enrolled either because of their mother. So I worked 11-7, rushed to the sitters house and picked up my two girls and my son, (this was my babysitter I’d had before moving in with my boyfriend so she watched my kids not his and at the time he was leaving round 6, (we had moved in right beside his parents so his two would stay over night at the grandparents if he was going to be leaving before I got home with my youngest or if he would leave after I got back they’d still be asleep there at the house) well after dropping my girls off at school I’d go home and my son is like 3 so I’d get him to go back to sleep with me, which wasnt always easy mind you, but I’d get home just before 8 because I had to wait at the school for 15-20 minutes before doors opened at 7:30, (unless I was running late and pulled up on time) we’d sleep till 11 or 12 and I’d do my best to get up so we could get his day started. If the other 2 were home they usually slept in as well but the oldest was 7 at the time and if they happened to get up before me she would get cereal for herself and her brother and they’d watch tv or play till I got up. (His mom couldn’t ways watch them because she worked herself so I tried my best to get up as early as I could) Pick up my girls at 3 something and keep the children from killing each other till daddy got home. Then I made sure dinner was ready by 8 every evening, ate and left the kiddos to my bf while I went to take a nap. (Which I didnt always get either) and off to work at 10:40 give or take. It’s exhausting. Some days off (days off were random) if it was a weekend day I’d sleep a good portion of the day because my boyfriend was home and he wouldn’t wake me so I could catch up on sleep. I could understand him sleeping excessively on days off but he does need to make time for his family. There is no excuse for him to talk to you like that. I know personally how hard it is but I didn’t talk to my man that way for any reason.
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I work 3rd shift and it is so rough… Seems like no matter how much you sleep youre always still tired. Its hard to get any kind of schedule working that shift
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My husband used to work nightshifts also and it felt like he would only work and sleep. It was sad and I know it really messed him up. He absolutely hated it. He was always exhausted no matter how many hours he slept. We didn’t have kids yet at the time but I could definitely see why that would be so hard for you as well! Def not overreacting but I know the nightshifts can really mess with your head also.
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My husband works night shifts and it took him awhile to adjust before he could start getting up alittle earlier to spend time with us or he would wait a hour or 2 before going to bed to play with his daughter. I worked night shift before having a kid and it’s exhausting your fighting your body’s natural reaction to go to bed then trying to sleep in the day with everyone else up and moving and trying to black out the sun it sucks. Try to be patient and let him get use to it. He probably already feels like he has no life and just works.
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There is no excuse for “to adjust to the shift”. Sorry but when we give birth We don’t get time to adjust, neither get to sleep when we get up with sick kids, nightmares, ect… I am very sorry you are going through this.
It is something I struggle with too. Whatever shoft a person works, sleeping for 12 hours is uncalled for. Just because we are at home with kids doesn’t mean we aren’t working… kids, house work, ect is a full time job on top of a full time paying job.
We’ve had a long hard talk about it, and my husband has no choice but to take the kids to school and pick them up!! I’m at my job and refuse to “adjust” my schedule to allow him to sleep. When do I sleep when he’s at work. By time I’m done my “wife duties” it’s midnight and I’m up at 430am to repeat my day.
So you have every right to feel frustrated and you should try talking to him again, if he feels he needs to leave, then that’s that! He needs to grow up and act like a parent!
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That shift is absolutely brutal for everyone. My husband worked a shift like that for years. His sleep patterns were awful. He never slept properly. Especially since he always tried to be on a normal schedule on his days off to spend time with us. It took a toll on him and us. Be patient and perhaps discuss a different job for him because nobody is at fault here but everyone suffers
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Me and my boyfriend work 12 hr night shifts. He worked day shift or 2nd shift for a few years then got a new job to where he was back in nights. For me I can work whatever shift it don’t bother me as bad but for him getting adjusted to it and just having hard time staying asleep during the day he ends up sleeping from the time he comes home til the time we leave for work again. Me on the other hand am up by 3pm do dinner take care of kids and whatever else. I have my days where I get frustrated but I know he has a harder time on nights than I do. Maybe give him some more time to adjust but he could have handled his reaction better without saying those hurtful words to you also. You are not wrong for feeling the way you do just maybe try to understand he needs to find a way to adjust to the change as well but the way he responded I would be questioning him on what made him say that and see if something else is going on with him like depression or not happy within the relationship.
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I started overnights when my son was a year old and my daughter was almost 7yo. For the first 6 months I was a single mom who slept 4-6 hours a day while my sister watched my son and my daughter was in school. I got married to his dad when he moved back from Florida and then he watched the kids and I slept from 10am (at the earliest) to 5pm and then got up to have dinner and spend time with my family. I got up earlier or went to sleep later if there was something involving the kids going on during those hours. When he passed away from brain cancer a year later, I went back to overnights a month later…with a 2 1/2yo and an 8yo…and slept during my son’s 2 hour naps while my daughter was in school. That lasted until my son was almost 4 1/2yo and started Head Start and I got to sleep 4 1/2 hours a day until I went to day shift a year later.
Even when I had a 2nd parent in the house, I never slept more than 7 1/2 hours a day…and the majority of my time on overnights I slept a lot less. I have no tolerance for people who use working overnights as an excuse to NOT be a part of their children’s lives.
To answer the question, no your feelings are completely valid. If he would have said something like I’m struggling to adjust and I need more rest or I’m having a hard time right now and hurting then fine. Saying to kick him out sounds like he wants leave but doesn’t have the guts to say so and wants you to be the bad guy. He need to be an adult and say what he is feeling and what he wants to happen. I worked 7p to 7a with a newborn, it’s hell and the adjustment period can be brutal but that is no excuse to make those type of comments. If it is affecting your mood to the point where you want to leave your family and feel comfortable enough telling your partner to leave you the problem goes way beyond the job.
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3rd shift is the hardest shift to get used to. I did it as a single mom. I remember being so tired I even slept through holidays at my family’s house, would go for Thanksgiving dinner and would pass out on a couch due to exhaustion. It’s not only physically tired but mentally as well because training yourself to stay awake during those hours takes a lot of mentality. So be easy on your husband. Let him get used to his new work shift. He has been awake opposite of those hours his whole life if this is his first time doing so.
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I work from 3pm-7am (that’s 16hrs) and I’m still up by 1-1:30pm so he’s full of shit and has zero excuse besides to piss you off…just being honest here
Single mom here. I work both 7 days & 7 nights. The nightshifts take a huge toll as to where you got noooo energy and everything else. The guys I work with can sleep like babies as to I, might get 5-7 hours at the most sadly. During my week off I’m trying to get back to day schedule and it’s super hard. I also work 12.5 hours driving a heavy hauler so sleep n lots of it is needed. Most dudes also prefer nightshifts which is weird lol.
Maybe a change in shift work ? But no matter what changing your bodies clock is hard. Sorry your going through it though it does take a toll on both parents id think
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You are NOT overreacting! Husbands share because you and he are partners. I bet you and he BOTH wanted children.
He cannot simply refuse to help you. Tell him to leave. Yes please! He will wise up quickly.
Be the best and don’t settle for less.
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I worked nights for about 3 yrs as a single mom and it’s one of the hardest shifts. Some people do well and enjoy it others it’s hard.
You normally go to work on the dark and come home in the dark and sleep when it’s light.
Depression easily sets in and for myself I always felt tired. I couldn’t sleep normal in the weekends. Would constantly be up when everyone was sleeping and slept when everyone was awake.
I talked to my dr and she prescribed me something that is used for people that works nights. It is a controlled substance but I do not believe it is habit forming. At least it wasn’t for me. But it helped SO much with my sleep!!!
It’s called Modafinil. It’s not for everyone but definitely worth checking into.
Try to be supportive and understanding and always try counseling to help better with communication to better understand each other. A counselor can help your husband to understand better your needs and concerns to where it doesn’t sound like complaining and vice Versa.
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Probably the unpopular opinion but I am on the husband’s side we don’t have the full story I believe he wouldn’t take 3rd Shift if he didn’t have to
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Maybe he’s still adjusting to the night shift routine but yes getting up a tad earlier should already be happening. Maybe ask while he’s up, to stay up for some quality family time if you’re all home and then yes let him sleep til the 9pm. Everyone copes differently but my ex husband couldn’t sleep straight away and needed down time so would do stuff in his down time at home before bed.
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Not reading all the comments but just had to say similar situation here! Hubs has been working 3rd since the end of Feb. We both said we never would, but gotta take care of our girls.
He works 10p-6a. He gets home about 7a, usually asleep about 8a or so. Between 6a and 9a our 20m old gets up and her and I start our day. Our almost 12yr old gets up by 930a. Hubs sleeps until about noon or 1p usually. Some days are harder and he sleeps longer. But when he gets up it’s anyone’s guess if he’s going to be happy or pissed (usually if I have the right clothes etc ready he’s ok). Then it’s dinner anywhere from 430-6p (depending on when he got up).
Then he lays back down and up at 820p and out the door by 845.
He used to get pissed about everything it seemed. And didn’t understand how much I do or try to do with our oldest doing virtual school, still nursing on demand, plus chores, and he knows how the baby is super needy sometimes due to her previous health problems.
So recently he’s been a lot more appreciative and tells me I do too much and has done a few chores himself.
My biggest stress is dinner. Because sometimes he’s so picky. And I never know when he’s going to get up. So it’s difficult to do certain things or go to the store when I have to wake him up every 15mins just for him to ask for more time.
I only get about 3hrs of sleep per night, but according to him I don’t work… so it’s okay. Until I bring it up about choosing between sleep or something else and he’s happy I chose sleep because I need too to take care of our girls, German shepherd, cat, 10 chickens, a fish, and him lol
Some days I feel like a single parent again. We’ve been together for 5yrs and married for almost 3yrs.
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I work 7pm to 7am and go to bed and get up around 4pm so no you’re not overreacting.
Leave him alone his body is having a hard time adjusting to new shift and job what kind of work is it
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It’s not a shift for the weak people and on your days off people expect you to run on normal time. It also depends on how physical his job is. Be happy he is working and give him time to adjust.
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I worked 3rd shift for 6yrs and believe me you never get enough sleep. Ask him to try and get days as soon as he can, tell him its because you miss him.
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Well working 3rd shift takes some getting use to! So cut him some slack it’s only been 30 days. Give his body time to adjust
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Yeah night shift is hard but sooo many people I know do it, and they don’t sleep until 9pm! Just give him some time to adjust to it. After a while he should have no excuse at all. Sounds like he’s being a child! My mom works 6pm-6am. Sometimes even 4pm-7am. She’ll go home and sleep 7/8ish til 2 or 3 at the absolute latest. Sometimes she goes back in at 4/5/6. Sometimes she’s up at 1 and watching my son while I work. My dad worked 12a-8a for years. Got home at 930 and slept from 11-7. Then would have dinner and spend time with us. I’ve got friends with kids who get home get the kids ready for school then just sleep the 8 or so hrs they’re in school. Everyone does what they need to and their bodies adjust to it. Some people sleep 9p-5a work 8a-4p and have the evening to relax. Work 4p-12a sleep 2a-10a and relax early in the day. And some work 12a-8a sleep 10a-6p and have the evening to relax. We all have the same hours in the day.
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Tldr
He can find a different job or wake the heck up. Period.
I recently quit a $22 an hour, 3rd shift job…
to go to a $17 an hour, day shift job.
Why would I do that?
Because there’s more to life than money.
To mindlessly chase paper, at the expense of my family time… isn’t my job.
As a man, a husband or a father.
Bedtimes.
Dinners.
Baseball practices.
Games.
Sleeping beside my wife.
Waking up beside my wife.
Being attentive and present in their daily lives… to enrich my family with love and support… THATS my job.
How I generate revenue… is irrelevant.
My presence, in this family, is paramount.
$22 was nice, financially…
But $17 is better… emotionally.
Took me 90 days to figure out what I was giving up…
I wasn’t just selling them my time and effort…
I was selling them my family time…
And that’s no longer for sale.
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Have you ever tried doing night shifts? It’s not easy as a day job. It sucks ass, badly because I’ve felt guilty for sleeping the whole day away while my family was up doing stuff without me.
He may be depressed or just overwhelmed. That’s all I seemed to do when I was was married to my spouse. He was emotionless toward me though. It was a painful horrible time. Try to communicate your feelings. Hugs
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I’m sure he doesn’t come right home and fall asleep, he probably needs a few hours to himself to wind down so he’s probably barely getting 8 hours of sleep having a wife and three kids probably Also doesn’t allow him to have a quiet home to sleep in, it’s possible he’s in bed so long because the house isn’t quiet during the day …which is 100% not his fault…and then on top of it you want him to wake up early to help with chores and the kids … in my opinion it doesn’t sound like he’s doing anything wrong
night shift sucks. Sleeping this much though, can be a sign of a cardiac issue. Almost every man I’ve ever known that sleeps like this, regardless of shift, has been diagnosed with a blockage. Almost every single one. Something to think about, a physical may be in order.
Absolutely not overreacting! 9 hours of sleep is plenty. He is being self absorbed.
My husband did that. Found out he was on coke that’s why he’d sleep so much. He would stay up all night.i mean maybe it’s not that but that was my experience.
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Coming from someone who had worked nightshift for years, I kinda get where he comes from for sleep. But he’s in his room for 13 hours? That’s way too long, I would be annoyed, too. I have known plenty of people who had to work nights so they could stay home (awake, mind you) during the day to be with their children…
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Third shift is so hard to adjust to. He’s probably not sleeping 12 hrs. Most likely he’s woken up several times during that time.
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If he would start gettin up.earlier he would feel better but itd take his body getting use to it when i did 3rd shift i would sleep about like that it was awful , he needs a diff shift
Night shifts really do mess you up. People don’t understand that unless they have done it and more especially if it’s 12 hr shifts like nurses are required to pull now.
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I worked night shift. I got off at 7am would go home take a quick shower and head to bed and back up at 3 in the afternoon. Yeah nights is hard to get used to but staying in there for 12 hours seems to be like he’s avoiding you and your kids tbh. The comment he made definitely doesn’t seem anywhere near respectful to you. A lot of distance can be created between couples working different shifts and more opportunities to be unfaithful to your partner when your working more then at home. Not saying he is but it happens a lot. You’re feelings are valid. Also sounds like he’s turning a issue your having a hard time with into your fault with the whole” I go to work and still bitching line.” I know everyone on here is saying how hard night shift is etc it really isn’t that bad. It doesn’t matter how tired you are never accept someone to talk to you like that. Seems like there bigger problems then just working third shift. Y’all wild for accepting that response as normal
As a third shift worker. It can take a few months to adjust to the schedule and get to where you sleep 6 to 8 hours and can function normally
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I dare you to get a graveyard shift n come back with how you feel
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He just started this shift and has to adjust. Yes you are unreasonable and keep it up and you’ll find yourself on your own.
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night shifts are a lot harder than day shifts. i do night shifts for a living and it’s a lot more challenging as your body isn’t used to it. it takes so long to adapt and even now when i come home i go straight to sleep because i’m exhausted. i understand where he’s coming from. i understand where you come from too, it’s challenging doing it on your own, but it’ll be tiring his body out too x
No you’re not overreacting. My husband worked 3rd shift 4pm to 4:30am for 3/4 of our relationship and he would still get up at 1 and spend time with the kids and help me with the house before he went to work. The last year he’s been on day shift and I feel I have less time with him because before it was more relaxing time we got to spend together has I had most of the cleaning done around the house in the morning and the older kids were at school and the younger ones were already fed lunch. Now when he gets home it’s dinner, chores, bathing, and bed. But he helps just the same amount as he did on nights with the kids and house. One thing I love about him being on days though is that he gets time with all 4 kids instead of just 2 of them. Another is having dinner together every night.
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Night shift can seriously fuck someone up
The night shift is rough! I remember sleeping til I had to go to work. It’s really not meant for our bodies to be up those hours.
My husband has been doing this for 14 years. I feel like a single parent. He really doesn’t care.
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Even if she goes to bed at 8am and sleeps until 6pm that’s 10 hours of sleep. He can get up at least for a few hours to spend with his family he doesn’t need 13 hours of sleep every single night. Thats not a lot to ask I think he is just making excuses. My husband used to work night shifts and not get home until 6 or 7 in the morning and sometimes not even until 8am, but he would still make time for me and the kids.
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He’s sleeping too much. Period.
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You’re not overreacting….he’s under appreciating. If he wants a separate life, then so be it. You need your happiness and needs fulfilled. So do his kids.
I’d start out with giving him things to do. Expectations so to say. I mean, he is the man of the mf house and he needs to act like it. Men don’t sleep all Fay. They just don’t.
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Seems to me like he is trying to get you to leave so he’s not the bad guy. “Why don’t you do us both a favour and kick me out” either he’s cheating or just fell out of love or like others have said dope…
Yes he needs time to adjust. But his remarks back to you are a huge red flag. “Do us both a favour” that’s pretty much him saying he’s already checked out. That’s harsh as shit to say 
A working man is a busy man. Do you want him to work and support your family or do you want a bum? I worked graveyard for a year as a single mom and RARELY saw my kid because I had to sleep all day to be able to stay up all night.
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