I will just say…working third shift is HARD. it literally exhausts you and you literally have to get used to a schedule that is completely unhuman and not natural for us. Give him a break…when I worked third shift, I had NO time for anything. That’s why I don’t think third shift is good for anyone with children. You’ll never see them.
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Are used to work 12-hour shifts overnight and I’m going to tell you right now I was never more exhausted in my life. I worked at Amazon from 6 p.m. till 6 a.m. and it was absolutely draining. I would come home and sleep until I had to get ready for work again and my husband mentioned that it bothered him but he knew how tired I was and didn’t say anything it was never a fight for us thankfully. Third shift is absolutely draining I’ve done it multiple times while having kids and it is horrible
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He just started 3rd shift … Definitely gonna take him some getting used to
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Night shift is rough, & honestly there’s something else lacking. Maybe you start to work so he can change shifts?
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No, you’re not over-reacting. Many people work night shift and don’t subsequently shirk all their familial responsibilities. He’s damn lucky to have someone at home keeping the house together and the kids cared for so he can sleep all day.
It’s not your responsibility to pick up all the slack at home while he sleeps 13 hours a day - night shift or not. How does he think single parents manage?
I bet you’re not getting even close to 13 hours of sleep a night. He can suck it up and take responsibility for his household or I would show him the door. The work you do is valuable and you are not his slave.
Also all these people praising this man for doing the bare minimum. He has a job. Wow, so do most people. He works nights? Great, so do many people. Many people who have night work as a second or third job and certainly aren’t sleeping 13 hours a day. Many people who are coming home and raising kids and taking care of shit at home, not sleeping 13 hours a day.
He’s coming home and expecting/demanding downtime/sleep the entire time he’s not at work. He’s not a hero here. He’s a man benefiting from the diligent labour of a woman which allows him the luxury of 13 hours in bed a day and people are calling the woman unreasonable?
Good grief. Men are capable of more than this and we need to hold them to higher standard than this bare minimum shit.
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I did the same thing when I worked night shifts 6pm-6am. I would try so hard to get up and get stuff done but was just exhausted until I adjusted. Literally got up, got ready and straight back to work. The comments are unnecessary and mean.
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I’m a bit confused. If he’s primary or sole income, is there really a reason to be upset that he’s doing what he’s gotta do? I’ve worked blue collar midnights for a while now, and it takes a huge toll on you. I’d sleep all day too. Not by choice, but because my body forced me to. Only got up to use bathroom, get water, and try to dim the lights more.
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I dont think you’re being unreasonable but he is needing tk adjust to his new schedule. What he said was actually pretty rude and he didnt have to say it like that. Seems like he wants to leave but doesnt want to seem like the bad guy
My boyfriend works that same shift and there are some days he’ll sleep all day and some days he only sleeps a couple of hours. If your husband just started this shift give his body time to adjust.
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Overnights can be rough for a lot of people.
my husband worked that shift for a while. He said, it literally turned his life upside down. Was not natural to sleep in the daytume
Definitely give it time for him to adjust. I worked those hours for 11 years and once I was used to it, I was good on 5 to 6 hours. Night shift is rough. I’ve been a caregiver for my mom since I quit in a October and now I’m having a hard time adjusting back to a normal schedule. I know you probably feel lonely but give it time. My husband works in the heat during the day and will come home and lay down. I get it but I also try to understand. They work hard to provide for us so we have to make life work.
Overnights are awful. My family decided it wasn’t worth it and we found another job.
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I’ve worked graves almost a year now (9:30pm - 6am). Give him a little more time to adjust, a month isnt enough. No, you arent overreacting but he should slowly move his wake up time to earlier, to be a part of the family and help out.
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My ex worked the same shift. And we had a newborn at the time. He’d get home around 845 talk to me about his night for about 15-20 minutes before passing out on the couch, sleep all day until around 9, 830 if I was lucky (extremely rare), shower, scarf down some food and be gone by 1015. I struggled so hard with PPD on top of my normal depression/anxiety, a colicky baby that would NOT let me put him down and refused to sleep and a 7 year old trying to adjust to not being an only child anymore. It was the worst! He refused to wake up earlier and his one day off a week would be spent at his mom’s doing laundry while he slept on the couch or sat on his butt not lifting a finger. Couldn’t even get him to take out the garbage when he literally walked right by the dumpster to get to the car! It killed our relationship. Some people make it work while some people can’t. It’s not easy
Yeah my partner is the same. He tries to get up earlier when he can, but the shifts really rattle him. Plus it takes a couple hours after getting home for him to wind down. I’ve stopped expecting much from him during these shifts. Easier to not be let down lol. On his days off, I definitely expect a lot more help and team work.
Third shift is hard! He probably already feels like crap for missing out on the day with the family as it is. Let his body get used to the new shift.
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You are over reacting. I work 7pm to 7am and that shit can be hard sometimes.
He may need time to adjust and as some have mentioned…hey may need more sleep than others. The issue is with him saying “do us both a favor and kick me out”. You can’t just say s*** like that. Find out where it’s coming from.
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My husband works 12am- 10am he sleeps from noon-7pm for dinner and bed time routine with kids and then back to bed 9-11pm he helps a ton on his days off though
I’d give him time to adjust.My husband is going on 12’s next week(6pm-6am)so,I’ll see him maybe an hour a day bc I’m working nights this week as well.
That shift is horribly hard on the body to adjust too. Plus sleeping through the day when you’re not used too probably isn’t too easy either. I’d give him a little more time and then address it again. Hopefully he can switch shifts, if that’s a possibility.
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I will say that 3rd shift takes everything out of me.
I couldn’t do it. Now matter how long I was on it I just couldn’t get use to it. All I wanted to do was sleep. I think the lack of vitamin D (sunlight lol) did that?
Idk. It’s hard. And if it’s a physical job too that would be even worse
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My hubs works 230am till most nights 9pm. Home to eat shower and bed. I might get an hour if I’m lucky. It sucks but he supports us very handsomely so. I have 4 kids put of 6 still at home. I wish he could get more sleep
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My opinion he is being a bum it’s an 8 hour shift anyone can work and put money in the bank a real man work hard to support his family and then comes home and supports his family in the house by being present, I don’t work night shift but I start at 5am sometimes 4am and most days work 12 sometimes 14 hours and usually 6 days a week and still make time to come home make dinner and spend time with my kid doing homework or just hanging out because my wife works the late shift then when she gets home I spend some time with her before bed and do it all over again. People will make time for the things they want
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He needs time to adjust to the new schedule, but the way he’s talking to you is unnacceptable
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Working overnights takes a toll on a person… definately not the same as a regular 9-5 job
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His body is acclimating to night shift. And even when he does get acclimated, he will most likely stay awake in the morning. With his schedule right now your basically asking him, the equivalent, of someone getting up at 3am then going and working all day.
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I’m a 3rd shift sergeant at a prison and I believe it took me a solid 2years before my body accepted that this was our new pattern. It’s tough. It often feels like there’s just nothing left to give outside of the job and sleep. Depression can hit hard when that circadian rhythm is thrown off balance. Educate yourself on it and look for ways to help him out. His body is going through a very unnatural process right now.
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My ex husband told me “if you’re unhappy then rectify the situation” I’ve never been happier…
If they tell you what to do…do it but find a good lawyer.
I would be upset and i completely understand where you’re coming from! My husband tried to work a third shift job a couple years ago and it was awful. I felt like a single parent and our relationship was falling apart because we never saw each other or spent time together. He ended up quitting and finding first shift and has been there 3 years now and everything is perfect now for us. I do agree 12 hours of sleep is a little much, he should want to spend time with his family and sometimes you have to sacrifice things in order to do that. I think sleeping until 5-6 is plenty of time to be rested and have family time.
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Definitely not overreacting! While I understand that 3rd shift is difficult and you need some time to adjust, he should be up 6-7pm at the latest. Mainly to interact and spend time with y’alls children as well as help give you a break. I believe that working does not excuse someone from being a parent or spouse. If the job is that rough on him and continues to be, maybe he should try to find a different job. A shift like that is not for everyone and with a family can be extremely draining for everyone. I’m afraid that the problems you mentioned you’re having in y’alls relationship may be the biggest contributing factor to him sleeping all day, especially given his response to you. When my ex and I were having problems he did the same thing.
My husband used to work crazy hours think like leaving at 8pm getting home at 12 or 2 in the afternoon. He still made time! He’d even sleep on the living room floor sometimes! Our baby would just crawl around him! I think he’s definitely using it to not have to deal with anything.
I have worked 3rd shift and I am by no means a fan!! It took me FOREVER to adjust. It may not just be for me but it kicked my ass. I would never feel well rested and would literally fall asleep while talking to someone during the day. Try to be patient and give him some time. My husband also worked 3rd shift before and I hated it. We never got any time together! I feel for you. It’s definitely hard on a marriage!
I don’t think you are overreacting! My husband gets up at 2am every morning and gets home around 6pm every night showers eats dinner then spends the rest on his time (till about 9pm) with me and our 2 children. I know he is so exhausted and wants to go to bed but he loves time with his family more. Your husband needs to understand you need him and so do your children. You work just as much as he does taking care of kiddos all day!
Third shift is very hard on a person. Not all can do it honestly. He definitely will need time. Right now his mind and body are messing with him because it’s a completely opposite schedule and so when he tries to sleep during the day he most likely isn’t getting the deep sleep there’s so much noise during the day time too. He’s going to be tired his internal clock is making a huge adjustment. If this is what your family decided to do for his job then you are going to have to just be patient with him for a while. Plus the days off day time he’ll need sleep too. Third shift takes a hard toll on a person
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He wants you to kick him out sounds like his interest is elsewhere.
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Night shift is hard to adjust to. But it sounds like he’s probably depressed and numb to everything else around him. I was like that for 2 years on nights and the moment I fixed what was making me so unhappy I would wake up midday and have 6 hours at home before I had to leave for work. I totally understand the family load with kids and responsibilities- not trying to dismiss what you’re going through at all. But it seems to be a much bigger issue that he’s fighting with mentally. Your mind will keep you drained.
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Hes probably depressed. Consider all angles.
My husband takes on the third shift sometimes for a week or so when needed and sleeps a max of 6-8 hours and helps with kids cleans house and everything else. I’d tell
him get his priorities straight bc not being active in the kids life is an absolute no go and is very hurtful to the kids. If he’s going to hurt then no reason for him to be active in their life. U can do better! U DESERVE better!
I’ve worked 9p-7a and it was hell. I was so depressed, being up all night really messes with you. Never seeing the sun, etc. and it’s just a whole different level of exhaustion. I would be patient with him and work to find him a different job. It isn’t healthy.
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When I first started graveyard I was the same it took me almost 3 months to get adjusted. Give him a little more time. Our bodies are not wired to be up at night and sleep during the day. It’s a complete change of our normal cycle as a human.
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He doesn’t need 12 hours of sleep. Those are his kids too and he needs to help raise them. You are his wife, he needs to make time for you as well. He doesn’t want too or he would. Don’t waste anymore time on this. You deserve better and your kids deserve a dad who WANTS to spend time with them. How many hours of sleep do you get? I guarantee you not 12 or even 7 hours of sleep. The expectations put on Mother’s is disgusting. Men need to start taking responsibility as fathers.
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My son and daughter in law are havin these issues now.
Him being tired like that yeah he’s probably just not adjusted yet. But his replies to you when you tried talking to him about it is a bit ridiculous. For someone to say then kick me out already blah blah blah obviously doesn’t care about you enough. Almost like he wants you to break it off with him so he’s not the bad guy. My opinion
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Try having four kids with a husband that’s literally gone out of town for days on end then comes home and stays in the garage or outside working and says he doesn’t like doing anything with us because the kids are annoying
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Sounds like he is SERIOUSLY depressed . he only needs 8 house sleep
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Getting acclimated to 3rd shift is hard, and it’s okay to sleep as much as you need. Saying I’m not going to compromise, so kick me out or leave me alone, is not 
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I had a similar situation it won’t change…until he changes shifts to a different one…your entire relationship is on the line…you feel unwanted and like you don’t see each other
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Everyone says to give him time to adjust, he threw out, just kick me out. You dont go there if that’s not what you want. Sorry. Must be nice to just check out of life when you feel like it. Sorry, not sorry. As a mom, when do you get to just check out? Hope you figure it out honey.
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You are not overreacting, sounds like he’s threatening you to get his way. Be prepared, it seems change is in the air. Maybe he’s depressed. 3rd shift rough on everything…good luck
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Kick his ass out. He will pay child support and all the bills for his new place lol
Maybe he feels like he can’t do anything right and is depressed. Men are affected just as much as women.
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Jobs still fairly new hours are fairly new his schedule and brain are probably messed up at the moment and will adjust … just rember he’s doing what’s best for his family and providing wish you all the best
I worked nights when my mother in law had to have surgery and couldn’t watch our kids. I will tell you it was the worst six weeks of my life. Working nights is HARD. I maybe slept two hours a day bc I would have to come home at 5 am, immediately get my son ready for school but then I also had our two year old who was wide awake. I worked 7:30p-5a m t w th. The weekends all I did was sleep and it was a hard season in my marriage. I had no energy to do anything. I barely ate bc I was so tired. I lost about ten pounds in six weeks. Give him sometime. Thank goodness after six weeks I went back to my normal days 3 12s. I became myself again. There were times I didn’t even remember driving home.
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Do him the favor and kick him out🤷🏻♀️
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Your husband is a p***y and lazy af!! I worked that exact shift when I was pregnant. Got home @ 730am and showered and in bed at 8am and sleep till noon and got shit done! 3- 4 hours of sleep should be plenty enough.
The first few months of working an overnight shift take a huge toll on the body, if he’s not used to working these hours, he probably needs the sleep
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Third shift is HARD. I did it right after high school and even being young it messed up my whole life. I don’t know if it’s our internal clock or what but give him a little slack
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It’s very hard on your body to change to the night shift . It takes quite awhile to get use to it. You don’t sleep as well as You do at night. Try it yourself ! It’s hard. Please try to understand and give Him more time to adjust.
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He stated what he wanted. He wants to to kick him out
So do it.
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My husband works from 4 a.m. to 2 p.m. and I work from 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. he gets very little sleep because he still has to be up to watch our kids 6,4 and 3… At first he would fall asleep and I would get home to a mess everywhere but, with time and a little bit of communication things have gotten better… Sometimes I had my aunt or my mom drive by to check on the kids because he would pass out on the couch. He would act the same way when I brought it up… I was the bad person for “bitching and complaining” that he was not supposed to fall asleep like that on the kids! I agree with other comments…maybe he’s depressed and he also needs his body to adjust.
I’m sorry but that was a jerk response. My husband worked nights for a bit, it sucked but at least he didn’t stay in bed all day. Sorry you’re going through this.
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Most of the people commenting have never worked over night a day in their life and have no idea.
Its hard on the body and mind. And takes time to adjust. He’s working to support y’all. Give him some peace.
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I worked both 8 and 12 hr rotating shifts and would sometimes freeze on graveyard shift for a month at a time and I would literally only sleep from 10 am to 3pm sometimes even less. My husband who also worked 12 hr rotating shifts did tend to sleep more when on graveyards but only worked 3 to 4 days straight then had 3 or 7 days off. He’s using thus as an excuse. Sorry
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Ma’am…do you work???
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I would express that was a crazy thing to say to you it hurt and didn’t solve any problems or propose a solution and that’s what I’m looking for… me kicking you out will not make anything better i love you I know this is hard but let’s work together if a different job would be best for you and our family along with our relationship I’ll help you look but until them can we try to be understanding of one another needs as partners before you jump to me kicking you out I maybe frustrated and hurt but this isn’t something to end a marriage over adjustments are hard let’s be a team
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Midnights are hard. I understand where you’re coming from totally. But when I worked midnights I acted just like your man.
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I hated working night shift it threw me all the way off … And I had a toddler at the time and being up with him during the day and getting maybe 4 hours of sleep smh …
His body is still adjusting. He may be having trouble sleeping during that time. Also might be on edge and say things he doesn’t mean if his sleep is out of wack. Give it time.
My husband work at nights. At first 2 months he would sleep from 9am to 6pm. It did bother me because I was depressed and lonely a lot because I wasn’t use to have him working at nights and being alone with the kids all day and him sleeping feel like I barely see him or talk to him. It took me abt 4 months to adjust and accept what he does for us. After the 2 months, he go bed about 11am-12pm and get up at 6-630pm. He will help me before he leave to work. And he will do stuff when he get home from work right away to help me. On his days off he is home and will come home from work and go bed right away so he can get up abt 1-2pm to see the kids and spend time with the kids. Like for examples- he work Sunday nights to Tuesday nights and sometimes he pick up the shifts if need extra money like on Wednesday nights or Thursday nights he is home Friday and Saturday if there is no shift to pick up he is home Wednesday to Saturday he will be awake to spend with the kids and do things with kids also help me what need to be done. When kids go bed he make the time to spend time with me to have late dinner or dinner date and movie in the living room while the kids are in bed.
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Nope!!! Not acceptable at all! Yes nightshift is hard on the body but no one NEEDS that much sleep daily. He didn’t come home and go straight to bed working regular shifts and sleep 12 hours, right?
Either stay up until 12-1pm then sleep until 9 or sleep until 4-5pm and get up. During nightshift is no excuse to completely check out on your wife and kids.
I worked swing shifts and steady night shift so I get how hes tired but 8-9 hours of sleep is plenty.
By him sayingjust kick me out and do us both a favor…that says he’s not wanting to be there anyhow.
Maybe it’s time to send him packing. Its not fair to you or the kids to have him acting like this
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No, that’s absolutely not ok. I worked oilfield jobs for years, sometimes spending upwards of 32 hours straight on 1 job before going home, and I still managed to make time for the family, and separately for my lady. Seems to me like is looking for a reason to get out of the relationship, without having to feel like the “guilty” party.
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Working night shift is HARD! Expecially with a family at home to try to keep up with. It makes you way more tired than normal, and can increase depression and anxiety.
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My husband works 12 hour night shifts. 8pm to 8am. We also have 3 kids. The youngest is 7months. He’ll get up some days around 5pm. Some days he literally gets up an hour before work. He does the same on his days off. Sometimes he just needs to sleep 
he’ll get the hang of things and so will you. Just give it some time.
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Third shift is super fucking tough ma’am
That’s a tough shift… I work it a few times a month (6a-6p)very hard on the body and mind…I can only describe as, “not natural”. Give him a chance to get used to it…and hey… at least he works.
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I love working nights. Took me 2 weeks to adjust. I work 2 and 3 days straight. By the 2nd and third day all I’m doing is finding time to sleep. This is a hard season in life, but its just a season. Maybe look for dayshift jobs for him to apply for.
If he just stated a night shift job it will take his body some time to change. Our body is made to sleep in night and wake in day and when we change that our body can react differently and make us want to sleep.
Give it some time. Let him get use to sleeping in the day.
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Honestly, with his comments, it kind of sounds like he’s looking for an excuse to leave.
I agree that he should be helping. Just because you work third shift does not mean your family responsibilities no longer apply to you. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to wake up a few hours before he has to start getting ready for work.
Do you also work? If not, maybe he feels that because you’re a SAHM, he shouldn’t have to be a “bread winner” and help around the house
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Excuse me?? Your wife brings you valid concerns about you failing to be a member of the family and your reaction is to tell her to KICK YOU OUT???
That is a massive red flag. Marriage counseling definitely is needed. Everyone works, that isn’t some kind of magical ability only a few people do. You’re a worker, a parent, a spouse, and a member of the household. You don’t get to just ignore your other responsibilities.
Don’t give him excuses for being lazy.
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We aren’t meant to sleep during the day and stay up all night. He may never adjust to it.
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I worked 11 pm - 7am…went home to 2 kids, husband went to work at 8am -4 pm I slept 4:30 -9/10 and weekends off. We still made family time. Sorry yours can’t.
My fiancé works 12am to 8am and goes to bed around 2 or 3. There’s days he will go with out sleep just to spend time with us…… but that’s him.
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It takes longer then a month to adjust… maybe your approach was too harsh?
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I used to work nights and now my husband does he works 12 hours! 6pm till 6am…id be happy if my husband slept all those hours at least you know he’s not doing anything behind ur back and he’s supporting the family be tha kful you can be around the kids while you can since he cant…not trying to be a Karen here lol but I totally get it where your coming from working nights affects our bodies differently than day time people and keep in mind it makes us grouchy to with odd hours.
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He could still get 9 hours of sleep, wake up at 5 or 6pm, spend time with his family until 10pm, and go back to work. His body should’ve adjusted to this routine by now. There’s no good excuse for him to talk to you like that.
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Ughh night shifts. I did these for awhile during the start of COVID for 6 days a week. It can make you feel insane no matter how much you sleep. I need light. Red light therapy helped me. I put weight back on and felt human again. Just a suggestion. I’m really sorry he is being that way. It’s not you, it’s that dreaded darkness.
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He is done with you…
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Mine works 3rd shift 10p-6a. He doesn’t go to bed until 1:30-2 in the afternoon and sleeps until 9 when i wake him up. Only time he comes home and goes straight to bed is if he’s off that night and doesn’t want to be zombie. His responses are a huge nope!
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He has only been on this shift for a month? Sometimes it takes awhile for your body to adjust to the opposite rhythm but if it stays like this with 12+ hours of sleep a day and irritability he might just not be suited to 3rd shift. A lot of people arent.
I work a hundred hours a week. And I sleep that much. He doesn’t work enough hours to sleep that much. He just works a shitty schedule. But not nearly enough hours.
I used to be the one working nights and it just sucks. I don’t think it’s too much to ask. Now there will be days when he just needs to sleep all day. I think asking him to get up for a few hours a day is not too much.
Kudos to him for doing what needs Be done to support the family but schedules like that really are relationship killers. Both have to put in effort to make time for each other and really make the days off count. But by the time the days off get there, you almost just want to be left alone.
So yeah I totally get it. I get he wants to sleep but 12+ hours a day is a little excessive in my own personal opinion. I know I wish I could sleep like that but with a family, it’s not really possible.
Good luck on your journey. I hope you two can sit down and have a serious conversation about how to make it work. It will take effort and understanding from both of you.
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Shoot I worked 2nd shift, 4pm-2am didn’t get home until 2:40 or 4 am cuz car pool driver did overtime… I only had 4hrs or less of sleep every day. I had to get up in the morning with my toddler (2yr old) & my kindergartener for remote learning(helped her with that too) also did chores every day. Only had 2 days off… Yeah no excuse. He can help you out and do quality time. I did with my family, and I was super tired but I made no excuse to not do chores or to take care of my kids. Men just use that as a guilt trip opportunity.
On top of all that struggle, I didn’t lash out at anyone or throw things in people’s faces…it’s called maturity & being responsible.
Also I’ve worked 3rd shift before as well and still was a responsible mother and provider.
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Try 12 to 16 hrs. a day seven days a week.
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Welcome to graveyard shift workers. It takes forever to get used to working nights. Your body fights itself to sleep. And you fight your body to stay awake. I work nights. And sometimes I just crash and burn for a couple days. Been doing it for 4yrs now. Sometimes I can’t sleep at all when I know I have to work. I can stay up for days running on little to no sleep. I am also a wife and mother. Nagging him isnt helping anything. Let him and his body figure this out.
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Sounds like my hubby and I when I worked those hours years ago. Give him time to adjust working those hours suck!
he needs rest…. he’s on a different schedule than you…
Give him time to adjust. Hopefully all is well 
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