My husband just started a new job about a month ago, 3rd shift 11 pm-7 am. He comes home and goes straight to bed about 8 am and will literally stay in bed until 9 pm when he needs to start getting ready to leave again—only coming out of the bedroom long enough to get a drink and a bite to eat. We have been together for ten years and have three kids together, and we have really been struggling with our relationship lately. Well, I told him that staying in bed for 12+ hours a day and not helping with kids or anything else around the house is really starting to bother me. And asked him if he could start getting up around 5ish to come and be an active member of the family again. And the responses I got from him were, “I go to work, come home and sleep and you still find something to bitch about” & “well, if it bothers you so bad, why don’t you just kick me out already and do us both a favor” Idk I’m just really hurt by this… he doesn’t understand why him “sleeping” bothers me so much. And I know he NEEDS to sleep but for 12 hours? Am I overreacting?
I work 10pm to 7am. I get home about 7:15, sleep till noon/1ish and then am up till i get off the next morning. Really no excuse to sleep 12 hours after a 8 hour shift when you have kids and a spouse at home.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband literally only works and sleeps: Am I overreacting? - Mamas Uncut
Smh 
girl seriously
You signed up for a partner not a roommate
He needs to get his shit together
A job isn’t your whole life
I’ve worked night shift before and it really does take a toll on you. I would work from 7pm-7am and I would sleep until 5pm to start getting ready for my next shift. He could answer you a lot better tho. But night shifts are very hard to work
I don’t think that “sleeping” is part of the problem. There are obvious relationship issues going on aside from him using sleep to
avoid you. That aside I will say graveyard shifts are super hard on the mind and body so he may be having a hard time adjusting to this change.
That’s a strange response in my opinion on his part
Yes you’re over reacting. I just recently switched to day shift. But when I worked nights (4:30 pm-3am) I would get home, go to sleep by 5 and not wake up until 2-3. When you work night shift, it’s completely different than working during the day. Your body is not meant to be awake at that time. Now that I work days, I only sleep 6 hours and I’m fine.
Yes you’re over reacting. He works. Let him sleep.
I think with him working , give him a small break. He is tired. Try to get him on his days off.
Leave him alone and be glad he works
11 pm till 7 am
he needs sleep…
My husband would work 12 hour night shifts he would come home wake up for supper get ready and go to work…
I think you’re over reacting.
Do you work outside the home?
My husband has that same attitude lol however he does help weekends so I can work
I don’t think you’re over reacting. He needs to want to put in the effort. Maybe try marriage counseling. If that don’t work then kick him to the curb and get him for child support. You’re basically doing everything on your own anyway.
It’s probably taking a large toll on him tbh that’s a drastic change in your whole routine. I wouldn’t gripe too much at him on that aspect. On the days he had off I’d imagine he’d be able to be more awake but on works days…yeah I wouldn’t fuss.
I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. My boyfriend worked 12 hour shifts from midnight to noon, he’d come home and stay up at least an hour to visit with me and our kids and than he would sleep but he would get up at 8 and spend a little time with us before he left again. Yeah I get working overnights is tough but if he really cared he would make time. No excuses.
Hes still adjusting. I think your relationship has other problems. Or maybe he is going through depression and doesnt speak about it… depression can make a person sleep a lot and act out of character too.
It takes time for your mind and body to adjust to the change. He will eventually find a routine that works. Let him sleep and give him time to figure it out.
I mean. I’ve done night shift, came home to be up with kids all day while he was at work, hed get home and I’d turn around to leave for work again. So I dont think that’s a valid exuse. It wouldnt be if he did a 9 to 5, came home and slept till work the next day, he needs to find a balance and spend time with his kids too. Wich will have to come with time and adjustment
My husband works 7-12s, outside in the heat/winter and still had time for us and the kids 
He’s saying those things probably because he’s exhausted. The night shift does wear on you. Everyone who works night shift gets extremely tired because they don’t sleep at normal hours and it’s more tiring to be awake at those weird hours. My husband slept like that too. Don’t over react and be mad at him for being tired. You either get a man who works hard or a lazy one who doesn’t. You choose.
You try working those hours and you will know it’s a struggle
I work 7p-7a……sleep 4 hours a day ……maintain the house and kids ……sounds by his response he doesn’t want to be involved……sleep is so important but I’d never miss time with my family
Why not get a job so he doesn’t have to work so much?
Sounds like he wants you to leave him cause by one thing he said he sounds pretty much over it. Why are y’all together if both are clearly unhappy…for the kids is never a good reason
Yes you have a right to be upset. I worked nights. 11p to 7a and got up at 3pm everyday to get my kids off the bus and make dinner and spend time with my family. Then I would take an hour nap at 8 get up at 9 for bed time tuck ins and get ready for work. Hes perfectly capable of making a schedule with sleep and family time.
Yes you’re being selfish those hours take a lot of a person I did it as a single mom and it damn near killed me the first year
Night shift is different than day shift. He definitely needs more sleep than working day. And working nights totally screws your body. Let him work and sleep.
I’m a wife and a mom of a husband that works the night shift my husband goes in at 5:30 in the evening it gets off at 330 or 4 in the morning and is up everyday by11. It is definitely not unreasonable for him to be an active member of the family just because he works I think it’s pure bullshit if you ask me
I’ve been in your husband’s position, exact schedule. I was in bed so long bc things were terrible at work and I was really depressed. Try taking a more empathetic response and talk to him about what issues he’s facing.
Have you ever worked 3rd shift? No? Then you have no clue of the mental and physical toll it takes on a person. It can take months to adjust.
I’ve worked graveyard shift so much in my life and I’ve never slept like that…everyday. It does get to the point that you get worn out, but I dont think your request is ridiculous. His response is ridiculous though
I’m wondering if he’s suffering depression
Mine worked 18 hours got home at 6 this morning was back up at 9 mower the lawn stayed up until 1 this afternoon and went back to bed for him to go back to work at 9pm he is 55 doing this.
Night shift is a different story girl you need all the sleep you can get not just that your mind just doesn’t even know what day it is, plus anything irritates you
My hubby does rotating shift work. Days & Nights - 6-6.
On his day shift days he goes to bed about 930pm but he helps after dinner with dishes etc.
Night shift days are a bit different and he says he feels he has less time. He gets up at 4pm, eats, leaves at 5pm to start work at 6pm but on those mornings he gets home about 630am he usually helps with kids breakfast before school etc.
Being on permanent night shift would be difficult I feel.
Working a new job especially with those hours takes a little bit to adjust. And if he is telling you to do you both a favor then maybe he’s not happy?
Listen to him.
He literally just said I put in no effort and I still have to listen to you. Don’t you give up. Don’t you move on. I would rather leave and not be in this house then try. They all want to live separately they all can’t handle it. Honestly it won’t change but if you leave him alone he might be nicer and kinder. It not fair it not right and it not kind. You deserve better. Sorry he is like this.
I worked 11p-7a as a nurse and I slept as much as I could but on my days off, it was strictly family time. My husband did the stay at home dad thing and it actually worked really well for us. Everybody knew not to wake me up and just let me get up when I’m ready. If not, I would be a walking zombie and not even know the day of the week sometimes.
Give him a break. I use to work nights.,…it definitely takes a toll on you. It is not the same as working daytime hours. Now that I work daytime hours, I don’t sleep nearly as much
I used to work those hours it does take a toll on you I would do exactly that come home sleep then go back to work I was always tired… but be thankful he has a job and just be patient… and don’t bark at him ether cuz I was always cranky when I work those hours you don’t want to pick a fight over something small give it time…
I’ve been with my man 8+ years, last year he started working “4th” shift Thursday-Sunday 5pm-4am. It was an adjustment for all of us. If your man is new to a late shift like that try to cut him some slack it takes a huge toll on him. Give him some time. Honestly I do my best to not ask him to do anything because I know hes basically killing himself pulling all nighters to take care of our family. Relationships are give and take, try to understand that you are both giving a lot.
When his body gets used to working nights he should be awake more.God Bless.
My fiance works that same shift 5-6 days a wk. But he only sleeps 6-7 hrs so that we can have dinner together and watch a show. When he actually does have a day off (when he’s not working forced overtime), we take the entire day to enjoy each other’s company. But we have a really great relationship and it sounds like you might have underlying problems. Best of luck to you
I work nights and have the exact same sleep schedule as your husband. Nights is a lot different than any other shift, you literally fight your body to stay awake during the night. I could sleep 12+ hours, get to work and still be exhausted
My hubby has been working 12 hour 3rd shifts for 3 years now. In the beginning it was ROUGH. He was always sleeping yadda yadda. Well now he only works 4 nights a week so on those nights i let him sleep all day. He works 5pm-5am but has to leave the house at 4 since his job is a hour away. So i wake him up at about 3. He gets home around 6am and falls asleep by 6:30-7. Thats only 7.5-8 hours of sleep. Its rough on not just you, but hubby too. Mine loves but hates working 3rds. Loves it cause he dont have to deal with people, but hates it cause he thinks he sleeps all the time. But like tonight is his last night then hes off for 3 days. When he gets home ill let him sleep until 3ish then hes up and spending time with us.
I work 7pm-7am and still wake up by noon to be with my kids…oh and I’m 5 months pregnant…sounds like he is just avoiding helping you.
I started back to work, working 11p-7a and its HARD. I have a 5 yr old and a 1 month old. I still manage to get up around 1p just to spend time with my family.
Well he told you exactly what he wanted you to do
Less than 30% of the population can adjust to night shift and upsetting their circadian rhythm. However, setting an alarm, sleeping in a very dark room and setting a strict schedule can help. Sleeping more than 8 hours is not necessarily helpful to his body but he needs to work out a cycle and determine what works best for him. Unfortunately the rest of the family does have to work around some of that cycle and your husband has to be willing to do parts of the family dynamics that he can (like laundry when he gets home if he still has energy). There is no right answer.
Night shift is hard on a body. Cut him some slack
Thats the worst shift in the world 
I do think you have a right to be upset. However, it is only been a month, so let his body adjust for a couple more weeks. What I don’t like is his response to you. Is this something new? Or has he spoken to you like this in the past??
Yeah working night shift is hard, I worked 10pm to 6am 5 days a week and woke up at whatever time my daughter woke up to take care of her and then went to school 2 days a week. But he needs to realize that he has a family and that he needs to spend time with them. I think you are being generous on giving 9 hours of sleep.
You sounds toxic af considering sleeping a lot is a sign of depression. Did you think about maybe seeing if he needs help or if this new shift at work is changing his mental health? Go ahead and kick him out because he’s sleeping too much and see how much help you get with the kids when you’re a single parent
Nights SUCK. They throw you off like I can’t even tell you. It takes a while to semi adjust. Lay off.
Overnight shift was hard on me… just need to find a routine.
More information is needed… Is the first time working 3rd shift? What did he do before had he been out of work for a while is this new job nor physical? Give him time to adjust at least two to the months. You make an effort to show love and romance. Get a mushy “I miss you” card and some flowers place it next to the bed so he sees it when he gets home. Don’t nag and be patient.
That shift puts a toll on your body and since he has only been doing it a month I would give him a couple more months for his body to adjust to that shift.
I think you are being a little hard on him being that he just started the job a month ago. 12 hours of sleep does seem to be a bit much everyday….but maybe he is just having a hard time adjusting. Night shift is very hard. I’d say give it more time and cut him some slack
I work 3rd shift (7 years) and I have to stay up a few hours then go to bed because I will sleep until time to get up regardless. 3rd shift is really hard. Me and my hubby both work 845 pm to 615 am with almost an hour drive. Get home around 7ish am and stay up till 9 or 10 (help stay up later most days as he doesn’t require as much sleep) and sleep til 630 pm. Get up, shower, get lunch and head out. Days there are things going on we wanna attend well go straight to bed and get up earlier but it’s really hard for me to get up… even when it’s time for work.
He is using this as escape there is more going on.
I work midnights, 9:30 to 7am. And I have three kids. 8 year old 3 year old and a 6 month old. My husband works 7:30am to 6pm.
I wish I could sleep all day lol 
I worked night shift for a long time. Yes its rough and no there is no adjusting to the crazy upside down life. However no ma’am what you are asking for is not unreasonable. And all these other people saying to cut him some slack can go suck a bag of dicks. Because no slack would be given to you if you had to work 3rd shift and be a mom. Im tired of the excuses letting men off the hook from being fucking parents. You want a partner not another mutherfucking problem.
Also one more thing the comments he is making to you… do not put up with that. He is saying “do us both a favor and kick me out” so really what he is telling you there is that he doesn’t want anymore responsibility and doesn’t want to put effort into the relationship.
Oh and let me find out that you work too and come home to take care of the kids and the house.
I work this shift. It is hard. Very hard. And some days I do the same thing. He is still adjusting.
Night shift is a whole new ball game. He’s going to need a lot more time to adjust
Having kids and being a a present parent and working third shift just doesn’t go together. Third shift isn’t for the weak that’s for sure. I know from experience and it’s hard and mentally and physically exhausting. I worked 3rd for years and at one point worked 1st & 3rd full time at both jobs. It’s hard as hell and really takes a toll on you. Hopefully he can eventually adjust or find another job. Be patient.
I work 7p to 7a 5 nights a week usually
I wake up bout one to spend time with gkids an get housework done
But im a zombie always
My first day off i sleep all day an night
So i only have one day to do all the running i need to do
Been doing it a year so im use to it
But it was very hard to get uae to it
Nightshift is way difderwnt than days
Ur body never truly adjusts
Kick him to the curb, looks like he’s trying to find an excuse for things to end
Night shifts are hard. Takes time for the body to adjust. Cut the guy some slack.
Opposite opinion here.
His only working 8 hours
My husband is a farmer he works 12-18 hour days and graveshift nights and he still helps with the kids and house he still shows up for sports he still has an active roll in the family.
Your husband sounds depressed and you both need to sit down and talk about what it is you need from this relationship his comment is shit sorry but it is. It’s not 1920 you are a human too you and your kids need love, connection, affection too. His shitty response as in kick me out do us both a favour he is telling you what he wants he just doesn’t want to be the bad guy in the relationship.
I worked night shift and it’s hard to not over sleep due to our bodies not ment to be awake at night… I’d cut him a break it took me over 3 mos to get a slightly normal routine my man had to step up alot and care for a son which was 1 at the time. Im blessed he’d let me sleep as long as I needed.
Shift Work Sleep Disorder is a thing.
New job long hours, plus the overwhelming fussing… yall need to seek therapy. 
he’s depressed
Night shift is so damn hard. Communicate and problem solve guys. There’s a solution for everything if you’re willing to find it.
I started 11pm-7am just 2 months ago ive 6 kids at home and it’s hell on my body I get a couple hours before oh goes to work and then a couple hours in the evening luckily I’m only part time but it messes my sleep up even when not working. I think he’s being unreasonable wanting that much sleep but would say give him some time to adjust be patient and talk not moan. I’ve guilt I don’t put my youngest to bed now he may just be struggling I know I still am xx
When I work 3rd shift I can’t get out of bed till after 4 usually. I hate missing the day
Third shift is hard on the body. It affects your mood, internal clock, your hormones, your circadian rhythm , it changes your metabolism, it can cause depression, and so much more. I get that you want to spend more time with your husband but he is literally sacrificing his body and health to provide for your family. I would be more understanding and make the most of your weekends. I’d also talk about possibly changing jobs if he isn’t happy and it is affecting you both negatively.
My husband and I both say you are NOT overreacting whatsoever!!
Switching to midnights is very hard initially for some. It can take time to transition
Midnights are super hard. If you have never worked them. It takes twice as much sleep to feel functional.
Everyone saying give him a break, his job is hard, she’s being harsh…but from the sounds of it he already told you he’s just pushing you until you make him leave🤷🏼♀️ maybe just get it over with if that’s what he wants
I worked 3rd shift for about 6 months and I never could adjust to the schedule. And on my days off, all I could do was sleep. Its really tough on the body.
I’m a working momma of 2 and have a husband so 3 kiddos technically (LOL) I’ve had issues with staying awake lately when usually I’m up spending time with the hubby or kiddos but I’ve been up 12 hours of 72 and my husband is worried it could be something medical developing. Was he always like this or just since starting the new job? It’ll take some time to adjust, a month may seem like enough time but truly it isn’t.
Working that shift is hard and takes a long time for your body to adjust to it if it ever does…I did it for years and it was difficult
He has shift work disorder, it’s not his fault he needs that much sleep or that he is grumpy and rude. There are 2 options: he maintains the exact same sleep schedule even on his days off, or he changes shifts. I’ve been through this with my ex (this is not why he is my ex).
I’m sorry y’all are dealing with this. Good luck
3rd shift is KILLER on the body.
Thats why I’m leaving my job. I do the same, I work the same shift too. I try my hardest to be up by like 5… but as the week goes on, its worse and worse and worse… I HATE IT. Untill you have worked 3rd shift… you will never understand how it effects your body.
Yah you can get up at 5 and still get your like 8 hours of sleep… but it’s not the same. Not even close.
Night shift is so so hard. It made me a monster and I slept wayyyy too much. Which led to depression…which led me to waking up earlier and feeling so much better, I didn’t have marital issues beforehand though. Is that a reason as well or no? If it were me I’d give him a little more time, then it’s a new shift or a new place to live if it’s not better.
When the kids were young and in school, I went straight to bed and got up when school let out at 3pm. It was tough but I wanted the time. Now they are all grown so I can visit them in the mornings lol
Fuck 3rd shift. Sad for anyone who takes on that shift
I use to be the same way with my husband working thirds…until I started working thirds and understood what it was like. It’s a whole new ball game… trust me it does get better… my husband now doesn’t sleep right up until work but you just have to let him get adjusted to it
Graveyard shift SUCKS! I’ll never do it again.
Took my partner a good few months to adjust working 11pm to 7ish am.
It’s only been a month. Give him time. He’s tired, mentally and physically
Night shift can be rough. I worked 10 pm to 7 am and there were days I slept from 8 am to 9 pm after getting home.
how long has your husband been working this shift
That’s my shift and it’s so hard let him rest
Night shift takes a while to adjust to. Sleeping during the day is NOTHING like sleeping at night. You NEVER feel completely rested like when you sleep at night. I’ve done the third shift thing and it’s rough
It also takes at least 3 months for your body to even adjust to the hours. That’s saying it ever does.
Night shift is hard. I work nights. It takes time to adjust and some people just can’t adjust. Luckily, I enjoy the hours and prefer them. I work 11p-7a or 7p-7a/11p-11a on overtime. But when I’m not working OT, I’m typically home by 7:45/8, I get my daughter up and around and I shower and take her to my moms, I go home typically asleep no later than 10am and I up around 4pm. When I work 7-7 same schedule but I get up at 3pm so I have more time with my daughter and husband. When I work 11-11 I am typically home showered and asleep by 1pm and I get up at 7pm. It isn’t easy, but we make it work.