Hey counseling now, if he won’t go you can’t trust him
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Everyone has there own ways of showing how they love and care. His way could be taking out the trash or bringing you home dinner. Instead of making the negative things your main focus start focusing on the positive things in your relationship. Every relationship hits rough patches it takes both people to move past that 
Sounds like he has someone on the side
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Sounds like possible depression.
It’s called time to move forward with your life
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There are so many possible issues here, none of which can be addressed if he won’t talk about them. It sounds very much like a situation my partner and I had a year ago. She had an absolute hell of a work environment and toxic boss. By the time she got home from work she was barely human. It was literally draining everything from her. She’s night and day better with a different job, but for a long time she couldn’t even communicate why she had changed.
It sounds like depression. Hire a marriage counselor.
Find a way to start courting again. Actually we all need to remember never stop courting. Maybe you can create a night away to start something new for you both
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It sounds to me like he might be cheating…
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I hate to say it but those sound like some red flags to me. 
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Those are red flags. He’s occupied with something else. Won’t say he has actually cheated yet, but he is definitely detatched.
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I’d be writing him
A letter of how your feeling and when he gets home give him a beer n the letter n tell him you would like him to read it . Seeing it in black and white often helps them to see what you’ve tried to say verbally. Men have a habit of shutting off their ears when we get upset or vocal this way he can read it n Absorb what your trying to say . One thing is for sure to remember we teach people how to treat us n if you don’t get your message across n you stay you had taught him it’s ok for his behaviour to continue.
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Pattern of behaviors. If he’s being inconsistent, there is something going on. Doesn’t necessarily mean cheating. I’d point blank ask and give him an opportunity to respond. If he doesn’t, sometimes a break helps to see things clearly.
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He’s torn between 2 worlds. He misses doing what he used to do before he had a family and yet he loves his family. He can’t control his emotional stability cuz he feels kinda trapped inside his mind. Don’t keep asking him if anything’s wrong or question his love. That will make him panic inside and have an unwanted behavior. You may want to let him take a weekend trip allowing him to do whatever he wants…without calling him. He’ll realize that he’s empty without his family. If you can’t accept this answer, best of luck
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Think I would be packing up and leaving if I feel like I’m a burden to someone or Im gonna bother them then it’s not worth my time worth my mental health
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No, this is NOT okay. I begged my ex husband of 10 years for attention, dates where we could focus on one another and more. It was only AFTER I decided that I was done that he begged to do this. It took TWO years for me to come to this decision among other things and his animosity over 5 years later is still apparent. Life is short, know that if they can’t make the effort to fix things when you ask, it’s highly unlikely that they will, I’m sorry to tell you this. Please make sure you are happy first. Otherwise, nothing else works out.
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All relationships go through dry spells… you either put in the work… on both sides if you want to stay together…
Most young couples outgrow each other as well 
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Read the love languages books together. Communication is lacking somewhere and love tanks sound empty on both ends.
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Make date nights. If your able to. Even 2 hours out together, like you used to. Gives you a chance to breathe without the kids.
I think I’m in the same boat? He only tells me he loves me when he wants something (to drink). He doesn’t compliment me anymore and since after we had our son. Now I’m pregnant again and he hasn’t compliment me. He used to before I had our son. When I get upset and overthink maybe he’s giving someone else attention he always, always calls me insecure. I feel you… we are only together for a lil over 2 years. He thinks we aren’t ready for marriage until we are least 7 years together. Our sex life is different rn. My mind is all over the place because I am pregnant and stay at home mom who cleans the house everyday and feeling like a planet being 33 weeks pregnant. Thought I’d vent 
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Baby girl-he’s either cheated on u or is thinkin bout doin it… 
im sorry 
And when he’s being sweet and loving, he’s love bombing you because he feels guilty about something.
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I will advise this as I just had this discussion with another couple. YOU MUST TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELVES! Couples forget to do this once they have children. The hubby works all day at a job, mom works all day with the children you both are tired. Plan date nights again it is a must. On those date nights do not talk about work or kids, work on yourselves, enjoy your company. See if someone will take the kids for the night or even a weekend. You’d be suprised how well it works… Best of luck . PS it worked for the other couple.
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I had a similar struggle. I drank wine, cried, and wrote my husband a letter. I needed him to know what I was feeling, without the blame and arguing. After he read it, he came to me, and it turned out he was struggling. He didn’t know how to come to me. He didn’t know how to talk to me. I had never considered something was wrong with him. I thought I was the only person damaged and struggling. It’s been several years, but I’ll never regret writing that letter.
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As his partner, his equal and the mother to his babies you’re worth more than what he clearly can give you in the difficult times!
Pick up your dignity and self worth and walk out the door (with your babies)
You’re worth so much more 
Honestly, my boyfriend does this. He’s not cheating & nothing else is occupying him. In your case, he may just be tired of the same routine, work, come home to the same thing everyday & do it all over again. But they’re so used too it they’re afraid to do something outside of it. Men have depression too & it can affect them differently than us women!
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Sounds like maybe he needs a break from work, or just needs time to process his day once he gets home. If you are a sahm he might be innately jealous that you had downtime (although we know there actually isn’t much down time when you’re taking care of small children.) Maybe suggest he take a vacation?
Red flags!! Been there, done it all. Blamed myself. Gave him time, time away, kissed ass. He was cheating. Not like relationship wise… That’s probably why he’s occasionally happy.
Love yourself. If he doesn’t feel like he owes you an explanation then he doesn’t give a damn. Sorry, its harsh.
Just playing devils advocate here…everyone assumes these are behaviors of cheating, these are all also signs of depression!
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He’s cheating on you!
He’s annoyed that he actually has to come home and entertain you, all they while he’s wishing he was out with the crew with her in tow. Why is he happy at times when he comes home? Well because he just got his dick wet…
Sorry, there’s your sign!!!
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I’ve been going through this for the past 2 years
Some years are better than others keep on loving.
My current, problem…
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8 years with mine. And i dont get compliments just insults 
i stopped giving mine compliments and started giving him the same treatment as he gives me
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I run a Mens Mindset and Mental Wellbeing community called His Mind Matters and I hear this a lot, from both sides/perspectives. I’d be more than happy to chat to you about this to see if I can help you guys 
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Get marriage counseling
Isn’t this normal for a couple with kids?
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Counseling (if he’s even willing, my ex wasn’t) or end it—
my ex was this way at the end of 8 years. My father got sick quick and I needed to care for him for a few months until his passing, ontop of running a business and remote learning coming into play.
It wasn’t good enough after 8 years of love- he cheated- my gut knew something wasn’t right the last six months together but he would tell me everything was alright- he love me- nothing was wrong but once I was able to confirm him cheating (found love notes from her in his wallet) he was out the door
Legit hardest time of my life, losing my dad, COVID and then his shit. But here I am- almost a year later and happy. My kids are happy again also. remember you will always love him but you need to do what’s best for your children and you before it takes a large mental toll.
Is taking you for granted now cuz men do that after while I thinks he doesn’t have to do anything
Start doing stuff on your own see if that gets his attention
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Can this person personally message me??? I have been having the exact same issue. Like to the friggin T and we’ve found a solution I sont want to share publicly. Please have her reach out so I can talk to her. Im having same exact problems. And 2 small kids as well, man who comes home in different moods everyday as well, acts annoyed when I’m talking. Then other days, he will smile and laugh and play and the next day, he’s tired and grumpy and swears nothing wrong AND HE ISNT CHEATING 100 PERCENT
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Talk to him and try not to get too emotional. Do not blame strictly him for all of the problems or miscommunication. Most times it is both people who have fallen out of touch and that leads to just “not talking about” it. If you approach him without any accusations…like " you don’t do this…you don’t say this or care, etc etc…" (idk if that is how these conversations start or not), but any person who feels accused or on the spot will often just “turn off” or become defensive even if some of it is true, we all do this.
So rather approach it in regard to your relationship and your family. Ask him how he is feeling and what he would change…once you get someone to just start talking and opening up then the conversation can flow more easily and often be much more productive. He could be stressed at work, he could also feel unappreciated, he could feel overwhelmed or depressed. Much like you do, but you need to figure out how to get that information to not only help him but in turn help you and your relationship. It is not easy and can take time.
Be brutally honest…but not mean.
Avoid pointing fingers and being the only victim or the only hero.
Be rational when expressing your emotions.
Understanding one another’s problems or struggles in and our of the relationship is the gateway to feeling more united and secure with one another…and build on that.
Everyone needs growth and change…but that is a personal journey we all walk. Accept that there just may be things about how he expresses himself that will not change, no more than you will perhaps about certain things that maybe frustrates him.
Honesty, trust ( of the emotional kind, to be ok being vulnerable) , and productive communication are key. Don’t let pride or resentment get in the way. Realize you both are individuals and it is ok to not be in sync all the time…you are human just as he is.
Communication! You need to talk to him, sit down and have a coversation and tell him how you feel.
Ask yourself if you’re happy with him and your relationship, and is he good enough for you ? If not, find yourself and get your groove back! As you begin to change, the ripple will affect those around you too. It may make you closer, he may notice more, it may change the entire dynamic of your relationship!
If it doesn’t, you need to reevaluate your needs and decide if the relationship is something you wish to continue to invest in. You have to view the present state, not what you wish it could or would be. You can’t change ANYONE accept yourself. Give changing yourself and falling in love with everything about you, even the not so good parts, your best shot.
Once you realize your true worth, you won’t settle for anything less!! 
Ya’ll stop telling people to leave their spouses over normal marriage hurdles! Sounds like ur home everyday craving his attention which is normal and his out working dealing with people all day and needs time to unwind. I think you guys would benifit from regular alone time with one another and without
Maybe he is on drugs and you don’t know it some drugs can change some ones moods
Definitely a problem. Ive been together with my hubby for 8 years now and he still compliments me and is always telling me he loves me.
Between 7-10 years it seems a lot of people have issues…a lot of people say leave…it could be he is going through stuff of his own…
Talk…ask… always try and get straight before giving up
Being together for so long will change the couple. I have been married for 13 years and together for 21 years. Every couple has trying times in a marriage. One person may need more then the other at times. You have 2 small kids and your body has changed in a short amount of time. Maybe your a little insecure about how your looking. It’s only natural and nobody would blame you. Maybe your looking for him to boost your self confidence. Nothing wrong with that. That is what a partnership is supose to be, supporting each other when we need it. The key is communication. Have a nice date night in when kids are sleeping. Order some take out, have a glass of wine, and talk without yelling and listen. Do your makeup, hair, and dress sexy… Dress to make yourself feel good.
Sounds like maybe he is talking to someone else … sometimes relationships just get dry and if y’all aren’t trying to work together to make things alive and new one goes a different route
IF he wants to leave he will find his balls. Mine did after 5 years. It was a lot of stuff but on my part a huge part of it was insecurities. I was heartbroken but got over it and he came back wanting to work it out. In the end I am glad we did but both of us were the problem. Sounds like your insecurities aren’t helping the situation so you have got to try and stop putting that on him.
One thing I can tell you for certain is that (in any marriage nomatter what they say) there are going to be moments he can’t stand you and moments you can’t stand him but just keep pushing through to get to the good moments. We have been together nearing13 years now (minus the 3 months of seperation/divorce)
Go to marriage counseling…
A relationship takes two people. If only one person is putting in effort, your relationship will never work. I know it’s hard but you deserve happiness and you must learn how to be happy alone.
Stop crying. Most guys don’t have any idea how to deal with that so that will NOT help. It could be that it really have anything to do with you and he’s really stressed and he doesn’t know how to be ok in new life environment. Try to talk and maybe counseling. Even the best relationships can talk about stuff in therapy. It can help. Good luck.
This is how my husband would act very similar. We are now getting a divorce. You might want to try couples therapy
Strange some woman like this others it seems they just take it for granted, and sometimes you actually wonder whether you are wasting your breath or words.
Do you complement him?? Try to show interest in him? Talk to him about positive things? Maybe you could seek counseling to help you deal with things your struggling with? Maybe he has struggles of his own he’s trying to deal with? Saying your afraid he wants to leave but will never have the balls is a pretty harsh criticism of him! You adore him…but think he has no balls? 
maybe the inconsistency is within you?
My man never compliments me either, I get frustrated sometimes and say “you don’t even look at me when I’m naked” or “you don’t think I’m pretty?!” He says things like of course you’re beautiful! Come here, I am looking now! Some men just aren’t good at constantly giving compliments, they think it’s implied. If you need reassurance, ask for it! Always communicate your needs, your partner isn’t a mind reader!!
Been with my husband for 11 years. Google love languages and ask him what his is and do the same for you.
Sit him down, hold his hands in yours and ask him genuinely if he’s okay. He may be stressed from working a lot. Ask him how his day went. Tell him that it may be a good idea to set aside alone time for the two of you.
Guys are just different. They don’t want all that chit chat at the end of the day. It just ends up irritating them. It seems to work better if you just let him do his thing and relax for the first hour or so. I know you have your own needs too and would love that long needed conversation and communication with him. Try calling on your friends a bit more for that in the time being. Staying home with 2 little ones is HARD. But you will get thru this together.
I hate the common idea that relationships eventually end up with no communication, no love shown, lack of interest, boring, etc. Thats not “what’s supposed to happen.” That’s what happens when one or both partners stop trying.
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He won’t communicate with you, that is the problem. He should be honest and forthcoming about what is bothering him, at least then you know how to deal with it. If you are constantly having to guess what his issues are and you are standing on your head trying to please him that is not a relationship. You may want to insist you have a heart to heart (no crying) telling him you are feeling unloved despite his occasional show of affection and flat out ask if he is happy in your relationship. I am not a relationship expert but have been married 48 years which have had major ups and downs and I promise communication is key.
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Take the love languages test. It sounds ds like yours might be words of affirmation and when you find out your husband’s and love him that way, it will help tremendously!
Relationships are so hard. I don’t want to talk after work, I do long sometimes draining, 14hour shifts, and find that when I get home I need time to process and unwind. It can come across as irritable and I’m constantly feeling like I’m a nasty person just for telling him and the kids to leave me for a bit. Sometimes even the next day I’m still too exhausted for interaction. I don’t have the answers. It sounds like you have good times to though.
Maybe talk to him and compromise. If you give him the space and time he needs after work ask him to spend some quality time together once a week. A night where you can show eachother what you mean to eachother. Also some compliments wouldn’t go a miss! Make that part of the agreement, quick kiss and cuddle when he gets every day without question and a compliment, touch or eye contact, something sincere said from the heart, a positive affirmation. Then, the time and space can be given for him to process or what ever he says that he needs from you.
You both need to communicate.
When you tell him how YOU are feeling how does he respond? Does he empathize and truly listen to you? Or does he say things like “you’re being too sensitive” or “you are over reacting” when you get emotional. It is not your job to get him to tell you his feelings if he had a bad day. You can pick up on the cues if he had a rough day and ask about it but if he doesn’t share then that’s on him. But the thing to pay attention to is what is his response to you when you share how you are feeling emotionally? If he dismissed you or spins it that “ you are acting crazy” for crying or feeling lonely… then 
he is gaslighting you and your emotions.
Do u tell him he looks good or tell him sweet things do you ever initiate anything or walking past him grub his area, slap his butt? Rub his beard/face I mean anything? Men need that to but they don’t know how to express that to us the way we do. Sometimes him not telling u u look good he makes up for it by slapping ur butt rubbing ur breasts kissing U randomly, or just staring at u, u know actions? To me those speak louder then words. I guess we as women need to learn our men and our men need to learn us, at the same time we should be able to express our feelings not as insecurities tho just what we need to feel our needs be met! Yes we are workers we are parents we are doctors refrees cleaners butt wipers cooks maids yes but at the end of the day we are adults man and a women and we individually have our own needs that we need met and their all important. So I would just try next time he comes home initiate an intimate kiss, hug him a little longer, tell him u missed him, serve him dinner take his boots off sit next to him , rub his shoulders, his hands, his head ask about his day what he did and how he’s feeling. Sometimes that’s all it takes to change the trajectory of the convo or the day/evening we have . We both need and should feel appreciated , wanted, desired and sexy. Also something I did recently plan a date night, get a sitter, get dolled up, when he gets home tell him go shower and get all handsome for me, then drive him somewhere have a nice dinner, we too as women can do that it doesn’t always need to be the man to do this. These are just suggestions and from my personal experience it really does work and helps loosen him up and get him talking and interested. We have 5 children 2 toddlers and 3 teens, I work outside the home sometimes and sometimes I’m home all day with them more now bcz of the hime schooling, but I know my feelings and thoughts are so different when I’m working outside the house verses when I’m home all day. So it could just be the need for adult time u may need.
it’s sad that some of y’all would but put the blame on her insecurity problems
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Lady, you can blow your life away waiting. Be patient. Do something to make yourself happy…blah, blah. BS statements some people who make do. Don’t tolerate emptiness if you need more and know you might find elsewhere and do it alone or at least without an anchor. Anchors get tougher to drag with you on a daily basis until old age hits and you run out of time. Don’t miss your full life. Even kids grow up and realize Dad has always been the negative anchor. Especially if there is a wonderful, happy, caring and loving person in there Mom’s life who can lift her spirits when she was unable by herself to do so. And crying can wake You UP. LISTEN TO YOURSELF. God is there, but if you aren’t thrilled at your age, don’t expect spouse to get better. You are looking forward to less from him in future, not much more. Jump and run. Stop settling. God doesn’t want you to suffer, not ever!. Don’t waste any time. Parents want you to keep vows, but they will be dead and you will still be empty from a narcisstic hollow partner with history of 50 years of turmoil, ulcers, crying by yourself and no partner in any sence of the word. Don’t cheat, don’t have a child, don’t listen to anyone. Shrink can help you leave and find your own happy way, someways. Shrinks can also help you cover your pain and emptiness under hollow things and duties that you can learn to smile about although not enough of WHAT you want and deserve. All lala hopes can work for some, others settling and sharing there life, DOESN’T MAKE IT ACCEPTABLE FOR YOU. If you don’t pooh-pooh your feelings, and believe you are worthy of a good life, TAKE A STEP, go for it. SORRY IF THIS SOUNDS LIKE RASPBERRIES OR SOUR GRAPES, but I am certain that looking back after sacrificing to keep vows and being miserable is not good for anyone who ever meets you. And you won’t meet a different crowd unless this crowd is weeded out. Confidence will get farther away if you continue what I read. “HATERS, DON’T WRITE ME. ITS ABOUT TIME WOMEN TOLD YOUNGUNS FACTS.” DO NOT TOLERATE INDIFFERENCE. I wish you your best and healthiest life.
Laurel explain to him . Hopefully he will listen honey if he don’t tell him Auntie will make him clean pots and pans lol 
Perhaps couple therapy is what you need.
If he doesn’t appreciate you any more than that find somebody that does
Is he the only ine working outside of the home? If you are at home all day with the children, it could be that you’re becoming an “emotional” vampire that needs to feed on something other than kid stuff. When your husband comes home, he’s your only source and he can feel that neediness in you. But, he is torn because he is tired and drained but he doesn’t want to disappoint you. Solution? Get a part time job when the kids are in school/daycare. It WILL help your mental well being.
What were you guys like before you got married? What did you do? How did you spend time together?
Instead of bitching at him, why don’t you guys try doing what you used to when you found your spark?
He’s bored. He isn’t happy anymore. He wants out but he’s a pussy and won’t say it. He’s just settling it seems, seems like an attachment issue. But are u telling the whole story. I mean, how do u treat him? You said he works, does he bust his ass off and then come home to you nagging? I don’t see a full story. Just what “bad” he does like the blame on him??
Could be hes cheating
Quit giving a 
about people who don’t give a how you feel. Say that to yourself over and over until it comes naturally to you. Focus on you, and training your children not to give a about people who don’t give a about them, so they don’t grow up and continue your cycle. You’re worth it! 
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I would suggest marriage counseling. It’s not something anyone really wants to do, but it can really make a difference.
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I don’t know what it is but I feel like I’ve been in this guy’s situation. Feels like you are in a rut or something. Your days are very similar and it’s hard to tell one day from the next. You feel pressure to perform and it may be in a job that you aren’t particularly fond of. You cant quit ! That will have a huge negative impact on your family.
Then you start to question if this is it, this is my life, suburban hell.
Wake up, eat, repeat.
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How about you talk to him instead of coming to a bunch of strangers for advice, I dunno
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When something doesn’t feel right, you need to listen and explore that still voice. I believe it is human nature to make up a narrative in our head because we need and deserve to know what’s not working. Imo, you need to speak with a therapist just by yourself to start. Some therapists inadvertently can do harm. It’s critical to find someone who is good and if you don’t click with your therapist, honor your feelings and keep searching to find the right one. Speculating narrattives leads no where good…only to crazy making, sadness, preoccupation, etc. I’m sorry you’re going through this and sincerely hope you can find your way if not back to this relationship but at least back with yourself. Life is fleeting. Go for joy.
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First .I would ask yourself why you NEED Validation of who you already are from someone else .Then I highly suggest reading a. Book by Byron Katie called loving what is . Changed my whole life. You got this
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Seek out a good marriage counselled who can help to listen and get you both communicating an working on your marriage. Couples often get stuck and stop working on their relationships and take each there for granted. A good marriage is team work and keeping the love alive
Marriage is very hard both parties have to put in one hundred percent is he stressed about kids payments both don’t stop talking what ever you do best of luck.
Sounds like his problems are in his own head and have nothing to do with you.
Okay but do u compliment him? Or ever ask him how his day is going instead of being so conceded maybe your the problem n not realizing it.
Don’t do anything for him. I spend a lot of time trying to think of new and interesting ideas to please my wife. I cook, I clean, I get flowers, I write poetry, I can go on. He needs to show his love and apprciation.
Alright dickhead is what I great my wife after a day’s work 
. We don’t care about compliments we love each other and by saying love you twat or knob is her way of Complimenting me.
Men secure enough of themselves will willingly compliment. And those are hard to find
Girl you being USED!
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Do you ever think it’s you, not him is the problem, he may be saddens by his mistake marrying you, women have away of nagging men too much that’s why they get beaten up. Stop talk he will chat when him feel comfortable sista.
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Life is too short, love while you can because your spouse is gone before you know it
Take some time away together. 5 days somewhere peaceful and scenic. NO children!!! I can’t stress this enough…
My husband and I do this a couple times a year and it has saved us many times from the feelings you are having. I like to chose a place on the ocean…Even if it is a hut…The sound of waves just seems to lift away the stress. But if 5 days away can’t be accommodated then even a night at a hotel, away from the kids and the day to day monotony. You arrange it all, child care, flight, dinner. I am sure he will find it romantic. Marriage is peaks and Valleys.
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Girl, put your best foot forward and go show the world your beauty. Some men get a kick out making a woman feels guilty, don’t fall into his cracks. HE IS CHEATING ON YOU.
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Girl you need to leave. This was totally my married. Thank goodness he bounced at the end of January 2020, right before the quarantine. Our divorce was final in August 2020, and I have never been happier. Take care of yourself and your kids, the worse thing you can do is stay in a toxic relationship and let them continue to see the ongoing abuse (yes it is emotional and psychological abuse). Life is way to short to be miserable. Please if you don’t don’t it for yourself, do it for your children. 
you can do it, you’re stronger than you think!!!
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I lived this for 20 years, my husband was cheating on me.
You need to be happy and so do your children. The children feel this in a home.
Don’t think it is you.
No matter what the issue is it is no way to live.
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He is cheating on you. Don’t stay and be miserable.
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I’m just curious why everyone thinks he is cheating just because he is being quiet…for sure he could be but seems quick to assume all men are cheating if they are quiet…he may just be going through something, need some therapy together…see if he wants to work on marriage and relationship before just quickly jumping to the divorced option…I dunno…
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he may get up set because you are sharing this with the whole world.
Agree ask him to go to relate. If he won’t go it’s obvious he doesn’t want to make it work. Maybe found someone else I am sorry to say the wife is always the last to know. If won’t go for counseling you know he doesn’t love you then make plans for a new life. You deserve happiness. Good luck Honey xc
Dear you need to get a lofe away from your husband. i dont mean leave him/ ignore him, i mean start your own social circle. get a job/ start a course/ get a hobby/ make friends etc.
get ready, go out. Do not depend on him 100% for ur happiness.
cz nothing kills romance like clinginess. So yes love him but also love urself 1st. You will see that once you stand on your own two feet, have your own source of happiness and be fulfilled personally, it will show in your personality. You will be happier, less naggy, less needy and he will be automatically come back.
remember we make our own happiness. noone can give it to us. So love yourself, improve and enjoy ur own life, everyone and everything else will follow
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