My husband and I just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary this summer. 2 weeks ago he told me that he had gotten a place closer to work ( even though we live 25 minutes from his work where he wanted to live) and he wanted space. I was totally blindsided. I thought things were going well. He would kiss me in the morning and before bed and tell me that he loved me. Yes we had some communication issues as he would talk to everyone else before he would talk to me. He has dictated how things are going to be. I finally have family here to help guide me. But I really hope that we can get back together. I love him even though he has done this to me. He is going through a tough time right now with his step-dad not doing very well. I wish I could be there for him
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband of 20 years told me he got his own place: Advice?
I just got paid $7789 working off my laptop this month. And if you think thatās cool, my divorced friend has twin toddlers and made over $ 12038 her first month. It feels so good making so much money when other people have to work for so much less.
This is what I doā¦ https://dollarnetcash1001.pages.dev/
Heās probably got a girlfriend.
It sounds like he wants a separation. Make a financial agreement before he leaves.
Some couples do better living alone. I know of 2 married couples that live on their own and spend weekends together and started dating again technically and its helped bring that excitement back.
I agree he is seeing someone else
He has someone else. Put a tracker on his car!.. get proofā¦ file for divorce first! Donāt waste your sympathy and love on a man that wants to leave you. Therapy will help too.
He is prob moved in with a girlfriend
Sounds like heās seeing someone else .
Girl no, thereās no excuse as to what heās done. Whether heās going through stuff right now or not. Thatās not a good enough reason to leave your wife of 20yrs. He sounds narcissistic as hell. You are much better off without him and the time apart you will start to see that and see your worth again.
I would be devastated tho if my spouse got his own place. I wouldnāt know to feel. Iād be upset. Hopefully some space will help bring every thing back to normalcy.
Major red flag - he is slipping away nicely!
It sounds like he has already made some decisions without you. Getting a whole new place after 20 years isnt a āfirst stepā, its like he has already moved on. Probably more to his story you dont know about!
It absolutely sounds like he met someone else, this is usually how it always goes down.
My guess is he has a mistress
Thats odd 25 mins isnāt that far to work not the best either but not that bad either.
If he living closer to work and you guys are together or is this a separation? I think you gotta ask him some questions and what to do from here.
But it dont sound that great it does sound as I donāt wanna jump to he has a gf. But like why else you moving closer to work when you and your family are only 25 mins away. Might save time but now itās more money for extra set of bills
He is seeing someone else.
He has a girlfriend .
He got his own place? Sounds like heās done.
Work on having your own place too because it sounds like thatās where you will both end up.
Girlfriend on the side but isnāt sure if itās what he wants yet. So he will play both sides. Personal experience here
Maybe heās confused about himself
Someone else! Open your eyes
Sad to say but heās found someone else 
Yeah heās got a gf/someone on the side for sure.
By byā¦ he is having an affair
Give him what he wants, sounds like he has already found someone else wanting to be in separate houses
He just got his own place and is moving out and blindsided you?
Sounds like he needs to work on his communication skills and you need to hold him accountable for his actions. We are all going through something. We donāt just up and find our own place when things are messy.
Girl your husband has already moved on.
Sorry, but you seem blind sided to what heās basically made up his mind. This isnāt a marriage to go out get a new place living 25 min away and not let your spouse know. Your husband has a GF and wants you as his wife still. Get that situated quick please stop being blind sided to what is really going on.
You better pop up there unannounced and catch him cheating bc thatās exactly whatās going on
Yeah, he is leaving you for someone else. You need to seek legal advice.
Can you just go live in the other house? I would invade. There is no invasive boundaryās in 20 years of commitment. Yāall should be close like best friends. I need more infoā¦ like are you going to this house even to look at it enough.?
Heās got a girl friend.
Girl heās cheating on you!! LEAVE HIM!!!
Sound like he need privacy with his new woman 
It couldnāt be me because if he hadnāt asked for a divorce yet I would sell the house and live my best life as well.ļæ¼
Idk. Making decisions without you and dictating how things are just going to be without you being able to process and be a human being is awful! Sounds a little like Stockholm syndrome. I urge you to see your worth and his actions are not loving and diminish you as a person. And if you got back together with him I think you both need some major therapy to have a healthy relationship. To be honest I see none of that happening. Thatās a best case scenario. Reality is he left you and is playing the fence with you. Or maybe heās not ans youāre holding on too tight. Idk. He left for a reason and it means youāre in the way no matter what that reason is. I suggest building your life without him. Please!
Ummm no. He found himself a play toy. There is nothing else that makes any sense as to why he would get his own place. Iād start making divorce plans if I were you. You donāt leave your family because youāre āgoing through thingsāā¦.especially after 20 years.
Sounds like cheating!!
guide yourself to an attorney right away
Iām sorry. If you didnāt see this coming? This doesnāt happen over night.
and I bet it all started with communication or lack there 0f
Heās trying to have his cake and eat it too. Big nope from me. ļæ¼
Get out of it with him. Itās about time you make yourself happy and him pay!!!
Oh my love, heās got a side piece to put it bluntly.
He already made up his mind. He has a new place. He has a side piece and wants you too. Best for you to get yourself protected. Legally. Document everything.
It sounds like he has already checked out. It doesnāt sound good. Is he seeing someone else?
Sweetheart ā¦ heās given you an out . I would take it . Iāve been married for 22 years and if my husband said to me I have gotten my own apt ā¦ I would serve him with divorce papers . You need a lawyer. I donāt care how hard of a time heās having with his issues ā¦ heās obviously not talking to you about them & I hate to say this but heās probably found comfort in someone else . I wish you luck .
20 married years and he springs this on you? That he has a whole house. I love my husband with my soul but he does this and we are going to make it legit. Pack your things please sir and remove yourself from my life. Iām sure you have a garage or a shed or a bathroom this man can āget some spaceā in. Just no.
He has help
Donāt be fooled into thinking your the problem
Heās not communicating because itās easier for him to do whatever he wants .
No excuse! Thatās not a marriage and complete disrespect in regards of not talking to you beforehand. You need to focus on yourself more now and take one day at a time to find your happiness without him. Then, who knows, he might see how bad he screwed up because he sees your happiness and confidence in yourself. Focus on you!
Sounds like he was living 2 different lives and now heās choosing one life over the other. Most likely has a new gf so he wants his own place to have his privacy. Go get a lawyer and have him served with divorce papers and take both houses from him and sell the house he bought lol
Another house for another family. Get a lawyer and go on with your life.
Heās has a side piece or several
If you feel as though he is confused, going through a lot of turmoil but that there is still love between you, I would ask him to get counseling with you as a couple and individually. Counseling will help you both sort through your feelings and might restore your marriage. I would also seek the advice of a lawyer. I would get recent credit card and bank statements to see if there is something else going on, another woman, a gambling addiction, etc. I wish you both well.
This was not a decision made lightly! He has planned this without wanting to work things out. Itās sounds like he has someone else.
How do you not know where his money is going after twenty years? Iād make sure I filed first donāt Let Him Dictate how things are going to be His Way Anymore!!
In other words heās abandoned the marriage once he moves outā¦
Good luck and Enjoy Your New Life without a Hitler if a husband!!
Heās paved the way for you to be happy and eventually find real love. Donāt hold on to someone who has already let go. Youāll hurt more and more in the process.
Sound like youāre making excuses and the writting is on the wall in huge red blinking letters he leftā¦
Iām so sorry this is happening to you , id be asking him if he wants a divorce ā¦ and finding a lawyer to start a fight for divorce for abandonment.
Stop whining. Get over it and move on
Definitely he has a girlfriend time to lawyer up
Heās having an affair
Sounds like a smash pad
Girl he went behind your back and got a whole other place to stay. I would be doneā¦
I am sorry because I am sure that is hard but clearly he is done if heās went to that extent.
Focus on yourself and your own healing. Heās clearly made himself a priority over you or your feelingsā¦
Heās having an affair
These things are so hard to accept sometimes. Just give him the time and space that he needs right nowā¦ Iāve learned that when someone tells you they want to be alone, believe them. and allow them that rightā¦ In the meantime, you live without him for a bit and just focus on yourself.
Oooh heās totally bringing people there!
Idky people always jump to cheating. Maybe heās just done and either doesnāt know it himself yet or is lying to himself. No matter the reason though heās definitely pulling away. I say sit back and see how it plays out. He wants space give it to him. He may actually need space with no one else involved. Lots of people isolate when theyāre overwhelmed. When heās had his space though itās definitely time to discuss if the marriage is to be saved or scrapped. I know for me if my husband moved out Iād consider that the signal to go pick up divorce papers. I didnāt sign up to not live with my husband.
That fact that you said, āhe dictates everythingā. That shouldāve been your red flag hun. Move on.
If you have joint accounts look into his spending and also getb your own account if heās jumping out of a 30 yr marriage to be with other women you should know whats coming
He PRE-PLANNED this! Put enough thought into it to get a place. Heās no longer your husband. Tell him to gtfo and go be happy with his new gf. Then you file for divorce and use his money to take yourself on a kick-a$$ vacation.
Itās been 20 years.
give him space and time. Doesnāt mean he wants or has someone else. All these people are fu(**** dumbā¦give him time and let him cope with what he needs to do with. Most people do better living in separate houses then togther. Donāt listen to all these dumb------
Donāt drag yourself through this. Just get a lawyer and file before he does so it goes more in your favor.
I would show up to that house and watch whatās happening and go from there be sneaky and get evidence in case he is cheating and then take him to court and destroy him if he is
The only reason he would have a new place of his own is for entertaining a girlfriend. Soā¦ā¦.
Donāt allow him to dictate your life. Be your own person. Tell him itās all or nothing.
Why does everyone jump to cheating and divorce? Like damn do you people have no will power to work on your relationship? My husband and i have been together for a decade and if we were quick to jump to those two things we wouldnāt be together with three beautiful kids. Relationships are not always easy and sometimes they require your time, patience, attention and love. Theyāve been together for 20 years I think that deserves a little bit of time and effort before jumping into divorce
Thatās an affair in the works
Jeez some people can be cruelā¦ sorry youāre going through this. I am a hopeless romanticā¦ so I will say, 20 years is a long time and I hope you guys can get to stay together! 
Unless he is having an affairā¦ If thatās the case, then get the best lawyer you can and take all of his money 
Move on he may or may not have someone else he may just want his space and to be alone
Communication is key in a relationship. How else would we know how the other feels. He isnāt communicating which means he has no intentions to . Heās not considering your feels whatsoever . Focus on you cause heās gonna focus on him self regardless.
Heās totally gotten himself a sā¬x pad. Donāt do the pick me dance because your marriage is already over. Lawyer up and file.
Communication and comprehension are not the same thing, it may be tough to hear and I know itās not popular to automatically think the worst of the partner but you need to look at what you put into the last 20 yrs have you made compromises, are you dismissive over him do you do self care. Can you validate yourself without being a partner or a pair, do you have hobbies are you interested in his do you practice healthy listening)
It absolutely is healthier to walk away from someone who doesnt want to be with you if you have truly and honestly been a healthy supportive partner
Ummm, both of you are in the wrong with communication issues. He talked it over with others for insight and advice and now you have family around for guidance. You are both using outside influences when a professional is needed instead. Someone without a dog in the fight, so to speak. He is obviously not a 20-something man. Married for 25 years. Could be a mid life crisis and he needs to figure out who he is at this stage in life and feels some space is needed to focus on himself. Itās hard to focus on yourself with someone ALWAYS there, no privacy and no free time. You say he dictates how things goā¦ thatās wrong on both of your parts as well. You need to find who you are too!! You cannot accept bad behavior at any level no matter how long you have been a couple. Counselor !!! ASAPā¦ but first let him have some alone timeā¦ trust me.
I donāt want to be like the rest and say itā¦ But chances are, itās 99% the case. You want space? Go for a walk. Worst case scenario, get a hotel for a night and communicate with your wife that you just need some space to think. Getting a whole new place? No. Sounds like heās cheating, and even if heās not, itās pretty selfish of him to totally take a new step without talking to you about it first. Youāre supposed to be a team. This is quite opposite of it. Still, I truly think heās having an affair. There are no excuses for that. None. I wish you and your children strength and love.
Move on, enjoy your life. Get a good lawyer and protect your interest. Donāt let him leave you high and dry.
There is probably someone else
Who is living in this apartment with him because something tells me it isnāt just him.
Begin to put your finances in order just in case! Prepare for the worse pray for the bestā¦ I would find out whatās really going on. Do you have the address? Nobody can tell you what to do but you!!! Have a blunt conversation with himā¦.Are you seeing someone else?
Sound like he found somebody elseā¦ You need to move on and divorce him.
Heās playing you move on donāt waste your time
He needed a place to play house with someone elseā¦ jsā¦
All yāall are saying that he got himself another girl, just because he found a new place for himself. Thatās not always the case. Maybe he wants to have something for the bros, to watch sports and drink or play poker, pool, etc. Deep down he still loves you, He just wants to spend time with his friends or even his stepdad. Donāt assume heās cheating, until he gets caught
Thatās not love Cassidy Mae .
Did he give you a key to this new apartment? Because 25 minutes from work is normal. So maybe there is another reason for the apartmentā¦ Especially since he blindsided you with it instead of talking to youā¦
That man is breaking away making room for the next person, move on sweetie he left u, donāt leave urself by waiting on him to be the Man U deserve
Move onā¦ thereās someone else already
Do you have access to this new apartment? If you donātā¦he is cheating. Regardless his behavior is not respectful and a red flag. Get a private investigator for any proof of an affair.
Iām sorry youāre going thru that, it can be life changing, no matter the outcomeā¦ and Iām sure you feel a little lost maybe, maybe, ask him to go to couples counseling to see if yāall can figure out where to go from this, 8f he doesnāt want to, I hate to say it but Iām leaning towards the file for divorce with a good lawyer, if he can afford his own place and wants one, it really does sound like he may be having a midlife crisis kind of thing, and maybe having an affairā¦ It may not be because he doesnāt love you he may just be doing it because he feels like heās in his strut after 20 years 
you need to decide for yourself if itās workable or not to save the marriage if heās willing to do that. My husband and I need our own space sometimesā¦ He built a man cave, and we work separate hours (mainly for our kids) but stillā¦ it makes our time together, and our little ( and I mean little, lol) vacations as a family, more specialā¦ and I can tell you I trust my husband completely!! And thatās after having a worthless narcissist, manipulative, lying ex-husband who did nothing but cheat on me 