My husband pays so much in child support that our kids go without: Advice?

$500/month per kid, really isn’t that much. You knew he had children when you married him. If he can’t afford to support you guys all by himself, then maybe you should get a job and help out. Can’t expect him to put your kid above his own. Stop complaining and let him be a good dad.

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Sadly yes as stated $1000 a month for 2 kids is not considered a lot if he’s only seeing them “like 4 days out of the month.”

If he was to fight to have 50/50 custody or even just to have them more often, his support payments would go down significantly because he’s caring for them for said percentage of time. His ex’s new husband could be a millionaire- but it doesn’t matter, his income will never affect what your husband pays at the moment (with the only seeing like 4 days a month) because theyre your husbands kids and not the new husbands.

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Youre scraping by BUT
He manages to not only take care of you and y’all’s children together, but he also has an arrangement to pay for the other children he is not there for and I respect him as a man for that. If you have clothes on your back, food on your table, a roof over your head and lights and water then you need to learn to be a lot more grateful I’ve never heard anyone sound as ungrateful as you. Child support comes with the territory of having children that you’re not there for, and you should have thought of that before marrying him and having more children and taking the risk even that he might leave your kids as well in the long run

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Honestly, you sound jealous she found the man you were looking for.

I’m not being a jerk, just honest. Obviously we don’t know the whole story.
Ask yourself …would I be truly happy with a father for my children who didn’t show up? Who had no interest in being in their life more than he had to?
Would I accept money in place of a solid, dependable co-parent?
Would YOU be okay sitting on your child’s bed every night and apologizing for their father not being present?..while he’s with his new family at every event, party or just going out to dinner…
Answering questions like why does _____ get to spend more time with Dad? Would 1,000. Make your child feel better?
Would money be a replacement for a parents love?
I hope you find some peace with you’re whole situation.

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I can’t get past that first question. Who would want to be with someone who doesn’t care about seeing or being there for their kids?

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It depends on how much your husband makes … if it really bothers you why don’t you consult a lawyer and see what would be the best avenue… they might take into consideration your husband also provides for other children

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I’m confused as to why you would want to marry and have children with “a significant other who screwed up being there for his kids and still doesn’t offer to have them more when he can.” :thinking: He’s a deadbeat and that rarely changes. They’re his kids and he’s responsible for them, not the new husband. Go to court if there’s a financial issue.

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Well, if he’s not prioritizing you and your son, screw him. You deserve better. I’m not sure what state you live or your husbands income but if he’s not grateful that you’re helping him put the bread on the table, and take care of your guys household needs, then you should take him to court and make him pay you child support, that way your son doesn’t go without nice things either. I’m not saying he shouldn’t help his kids but the majority of his income shouldn’t go to child support especially if he doesn’t make that type of money.

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$1,000 isn’t much. Especially if she’s paying all of their expenses other than insurance. Kids are expensive. It isn’t her new husband’s responsibility to help pay for your husbands kids. Do you work too? You should be helping support your kids.

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This should come with a trigger warning!! All I’m going to say is time is valuable… if he only sees his kids 4 days a month, he should be paying the maximum in child support! Try being the parent that actually does it all… maybe he should get an extra job with all that extra time… it’s not like hes using it to spend any time with his kids…

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My ex is ordered to pay $868 a month for one child. Not that he ever does, but just saying $1000 for two is not much. My ex lost his visitation and hasn’t seen my son in 3 years, but when child support was first worked out he had parenting time every other weekend and 1 weekday evening for 2 hours. If I put in for child support to be modified due to him never having him anymore, it would go up.

I’m in UK and he only has to pay £3.62 a week for 2 children. X

You lost me in the first sentence

They are his kids

Fuck your needs

Your not a real woman… just saying

$1000 per month for 2 kids isn’t a lot . Especially since she has them the majority of the time. Not sure what state you’re in to calculate support but I’d bet a pretty penny his support would increase if they went to court. Also, it sounds like you knew he had children from a previous relationship that he paid support on and you chose to stay AND make your own children together. Not really sure what you’re complaining about tbh…

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When choosing a husband try to get one that has not been used…new to you is better

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Sounds like he needs to get a second job

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I get 200 a month for 2 so those saying a grand are lucky.

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Work and get your kid some clothes.

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I have to ask. Is your husband the only wage earner in your home? Are you able to contribute to the kids clothing expenses?
I don’t know if this was written hastily but there isn’t much information. Their Moms combined household income shouldn’t concern you- no matter what. I’m not an advocate for child support or family court. I highly despise both parts of the “family court” system. Family court isn’t for families at all. I’m glad they have an agreement. Why isn’t he seeing. His kids more often? That’s an interesting question in this equation.

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This is something you should have talked and thought about before getting married and having kids with him :woman_shrugging:t2:

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if your husband gave you 1.000 a month for your child would it be enough to support him,house payment food, elec, water, clothes. shoes, ect? most peoples house payment alone is over the amount of support he is giving for his 2 children. those are his children as much as the child you share with him is. because he isnt living with them doesnt mean he doesnt love them or want to support them. its not her new husband job to support your husbands children. if it were maybe he could send you some money for the one you have …

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He could always take it to court, and when he does that she could ask him to maintain insurance on the kids as well etc, if he is getting by with a 1000 a month and that covers it all than that is fair, but at the same time he does deserve to have a life as well and even more children if he so wishes, you could always pick up the slack by trying to have a good co parenting relationship with the mother of his kid’s and see what they need or don’t and no your child with him shouldn’t do without either, she didn’t ask to be born let alone do without. Sticky situation,but you knew he had them kids before anything else came along.

You know, for two kids with his ex, it isn’t enough. Yes, he should go to court but the child support can go up higher depending on his income. I do agree, whatever his other kids get, your child should get. He can buy the clothes for the kids to make sure it fits. Just know, the ex’s husband, is not responsible for them. If he wants to help, that is great but his nor yours opinion should matter when it comes to their agreement.

In NC child support is calculated through a formula containing major factors like the 2 parents reported income (spouse’s income is not relevant), health insurance, amount of custody, and child care expenses. If you live in a state which uses a similar calculation and think the current calculation is unfair you could request to have it re-run - but beware the number may actually go up and not down.

Hate your terminology of “her kids” they are his too. And “your kids” are his too. Do you work to give ur kids better???

He sees dont be fooled you got a narcissistic man

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Seems like she is a nightmare he don’t wanna deal with and she knows it.

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I highly doubt his money is going to all of the things you think they’re going to. And to be completely blunt, it’s none of your business. $1k for multiple kids isn’t absurd. I got that much for ONE child. Secondly, what she does with that money is her business. Not yours. I guarantee she has another source of income to afford those ‘luxuries’ which have nothing to do with your husband or his support.

I’m not going to sugar coat things. My ex husband and I have an understanding with our son. Our son is his first child. He paid a pretty decent amount of child support. He’s never questioned what I did with that money. As long as OUR kid was taken care of. It sounds like your kid is well taken care of. Kids grow out of clothes quickly and often. Do they have a roof over their head? Do they have any sort of toys whatsoever? Are they happy? Materialistic things aren’t important. As long as your husband loves your child and the child is happy, why does it matter what his ex does?

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The amount he pays in child support is between him and his kids mom. Are you saying he doesn’t see these kids? Sounds like he doesn’t care about them but it’s a court order so thats why he pays for them, when you bring up that your kids go without and he yells at you for it, seems like he doesn’t care about those kids either… so in fact his fears are confrimed… he is a POS

Does she work? Sorry he had those kids first

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I dont even get the 50 bucks a month I’m supposed to be getting lol … I wish I got 1k

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Their his kids. He has to care for them all

Omg, what a nightmare for you, you have a man that has that isn’t a deadbeat and has honor, integrity. I did note where you stated “my kid” not our kid. Also, that’s the mother of his child, your disrespectful. And…probably a gold digger and a bit jealous. If you actually loved him, this wouldn’t be an issue.

Don’t even know why this was on my newsfeed but shit…. I pay $3000 a month for ONE and have him about 30-40% of the time…. I’ll take that deal every day!

Well ain’t that about a bitch…:rofl:

Leave his ass and take him for child support he should be taking care of ALL his kids, if he cant / wont provide for his kids why would you even want him.

Haha leave his ass and apply for child support he will get a shock

1000 dollars for 2 kids isn’t shit

Yes been there mine never sees his just gives all his money and some have gone after back pay and keep asking for increases

2 kids if he went to court i think would be about 600 a mth. Yes he needs to pay his support but he shouldnt just go on the amount shes saying she could have made that amount up. Then again i think it goes on how much he makes a mth as well. Id call a lawyer to get advice n see n definitely take her to court cuz thats not fair to you and his other child. His other child needs clothes etc as well. Tell him fine you wanna pay her that then you pay me for our daughter 400 a mth then use that money to buy her stuff.

There’s too many factors missing, but if it’s court ordered, he has to. Also, do you work? My understanding is the new spouse income factors in so if the order was placed with just her income before she was married, he can go and try to have it adjusted. In ohio it goes off both parents income how it is determined. So if things change, it can be taken to see if it can be modified. However, how old are the kids, any extracurriculars? If you don’t work, depending how many kids you have and ages, plus your daughter that isn’t his (does your ex pay support?) Too many factors, but if he yells at you, that’s a problem, but there’s just too much info missing for me.

If you truly believe he is paying more than what he can afford, go back to court and ask that they lower the monthly payment.
That way he can continue to pay something and also his children with you don’t have to go without either.

I’m sorry but some women do just straight up take advantage of a situation. I know this from personal experience. And what a doublestandard some of you have! Saying it’s not the new husbands job to support her kids yet somehow justifies that it’s the new wives and childrens duty to go without? Um no. The new husband knew what he was getting into also when he married a woman with kids and part of that reaponsibility is taking them on as your own…emotionally, financially, etc. Go to court and see what they say…a lot of times they do take other children into consideration and other miscellaneous expenses as well, like health insurance premiums, etc. Child support is a joke and too many times it financially cripples an innocent party. We need reform!

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Do you work??? My little boys dad hasn’t paid support in a year…but I have a full time job because I’ve learned to never depend on a man for anything. Get a job, leave him, and take care of it yourself

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Ohio just dropped their obligations… I get 200 a month for two kids :rofl:
That will pay for their toilet paper lol but really I don’t even need it at this point. My kids will never go without.

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Must be nice. My ex pays me peanuts.
Maybe sit down with him and show him things on a chart in an excel spreadsheet. How much money goes in the door and out the door. Men are visual creatures.

I feel for you. Some women are just greedy. Cos of arrears when he wasn’t working my baby’s daddy pays a ridiculous amount of money for his other child. In return he’s not even allowed to see his kid. She is in a new relationship and has managed to get a mortgage and run two cars. If she doesn’t need my baby’s daddy in her life to be just that then why does she want his money.

If they go to court, they’ll go off his income. Sometimes that bites you. I know someone paying $900 a month for 1 child because of the money he makes. If he’s not making great money, it could be reduced.

Most states take both parents income combine and come to a percent so he could end up paying more if he went to court, then again if he provides their insurance they take that into account also. You kinda seem jealous that they have dirt bikes etc etc etc, child support plus her husband’s income and if she works helps them out with that I guess. Not everyone spends money the same way, maybe they aren’t saving, maybe they don’t care about clothes as much, maybe they have more debt and it’s on credit, u can’t always judge someone else by what they have

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Was he paying out this kind of money before you came in the picture? He probably would have to pay equal or more going thru the court. As far as clothes not fitting or any other issue that is between the ex and him. That’s just how it is when you get with someone that has kids. It isn’t easy and there are not always easy answers.

He’s probably scared that if he rocks the boat he won’t get the chance to see his kids at all cause his ex is most likely a super manipulative b* and maybe he doesn’t think his new family are going without because he’s happy with what he’s got now with u and don’t wanna be like most other people who live overly materialistic lives. Maybe when you earn any moneys during your life+marriage you could pay yourself 10% first before anything else and use that to spend on the extras u want in life💁‍♀️

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Leave him and get that child support too :joy::joy::clap:t5::clap:t5:

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I’m sorry, you’re mad that she’s expecting the father of the children to help support them instead of a man that is not the father? I understand it’s hard, but that’s his obligation. Not her husband’s. Sounds like you don’t work so maybe you should start there and let the man take care of his kids.

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He should stop having kids he can’t afford, and she should be grateful he’s not a deadbeat.

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I’m not sure what state you’re in but where I’m at they also take into consideration that he is supporting another child, they look at the income of the other parent and her husband’s, and they base it off of that and some other things. So court could be best for him! I was once in your shoes and it’s so not fair to everyone else and it makes me so mad to know that my sons sperm donor is only court ordered to pay $34 a week!! That’s when he does pay it but his middle child he got her a car, pays insurance, keeps the newest iPhones and new clothes pretty much everyday.

Simple solution… make him leave. Make him appreciate you and your kiddo. Have him pay child support for your child THROUGH the courts then he will HAVE TO take care of the other child support too. He doesn’t respect you or your child. If anything, it sounds like he still has feelings for his ex and he will never change it. I’ve been through it twice with my ex-husband. I finally told him to take it to court or his ass could leave. His ex-wife was a totally B*tch. He got smart and took care of it after I went and got the court papers FOR HIM. Needless to say, his ex-wife learned that I wasn’t messing around after that. I bought his son EVERYTHING for our house. Him and his ex-wife wouldn’t supply anything!!!

If you are in Texas, file for a modification and petition that mom pay child despite being the custodial parent. Nothing in our familly code states only custodial parents have the right to recieve child support and judges are increasingly ordering them to pay. This has already survived appellate review. :sunglasses:.

Yep mines does and at the end of the day how I see it is I’m working dont give a fuck if he dont like it my babies will have what they have because of mama POINT BLANK PERIOD !!!

He had them first…. Does not make it right… but it’s the truth. A judge told my sil in court (she cried to the judge that the payments to his ex were too high) and he sternly told her - she and he kids came second… and she knew that when she signed on. So court may not be your friend

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So, if you two ever split up, you would be ok with him not paying for the child you have together? What about if you got remarried? Cut him some slack, he is clearly trying. You sound petty.

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It doesn’t matter if they are remarried, or how much money they make. When it goes to court it goes off his income he makes yearly. He could pay more then What he is paying now. He is paying for two children and at least he’s not a dead beat dad. I’m assuming you knew this before you got in the relationship. He happy with there mutual agreement and she is happy with it, All that counts is he’s taking care of his responsibilities.

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At the end of the day her spouses income isn’t counted in the agreement. The only two people financially responsible for the kids is the mother and father. Sounds to me that your upset he’s paying child support. But you knew when he got with you it was happening.

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He doing right by his biological kids hats of to him. U want him to pay for your kids??? Maybe your ex should cough up more and maybe your daughter should keep her room nice if she wants nice things.
You refer to your children as my kids meaning they r not his responsibility at all but yours and your exes.
His kids r his and deserve the world.

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Wow the comments here, she wasn’t looking for judgment only advice on how to tackle this.

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First in time is first in line.

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I’m the state of Maine they go by percentage of income and you can calculate it yourself the info is on the state website. I don’t know if other states do that but it’s something to look into. It honestly doesn’t sound that far off my ex pays around 500-600 a month in support depending on how much your partner makes it may actually be that amount.

I mean I would be upset if I paid a ton on child support and gave extra money and the kids clothes didn’t fit either. I would also not give extra money to the ex instead I would go and get the things they’re telling me they need extra money for.

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The way I see it and I talk from experience. Biological children and if children have been legally adopted need to be accommodated financially for. This should include medical aid, education, nutrition and clothing.

The way you play it out effects your children

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Think of them. They didn’t sign up for this

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Went through the same thing and the courts continued to screw him. MD justice system sucks ass.

Nonsense go back to court.

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Go to court and let them assess it. It may be less.
I don’t see how two working people can’t afford clothes etc but they depend on 1 person to do it.
Yes he has to support them. But it seems he is supporting their family and not just the kids. It is unfair to your kids with him.
I’d let it go to court. It will be fairer and based on his and her earnings.

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First, paying child support has zero to do with visitation. Second, y’all need to grow up and have an adult conversation between the 4 of you. And third, if you aren’t working maybe you should be….

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Go to court! I know in the state of Michigan both parents Income are looked at and child support could be lowered if the one paying has fulltime children at home outside of the one they pay child support for.

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I don’t agree.
Those are his kids he has an obligation to support and I think it great he’s doing his fatherly duties.
Let it go to court and see what he should be paying bc that’s really what he should be paying. If your kids are going without it’s not his fault, you’re the mother of those kids.

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Foc should be dealing with child support. If they go to court they would determine how much for his kids that he would have to pay. My fiance was paying alot just for one child so my fiance talked to foc they sent him a paper to fill out that he has so many kids and his income they figured out how much he had to pay cuz we have 5 kids together he only pays like $50 a month for child support. But it depends on what state ur in.

You probably knew all this when you got with this man - you should have thought about that more.

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Well you knew he had kids and child support is a thing soooo🤷‍♀️ I don’t feel bad for you! He should be taking care of them!

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And quite frankly, you don’t honestly know how things are being paid for. Maybe the ex has family who buys
The kids things such as the trampoline :woman_shrugging:

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He had those children before he had you and your children.

Suck it up! Get a job and help him out or learn to live within your means.

I would demand to go to court over ot and bring receipts of what he pays every month ,and explaine you can’t afford that much

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Usually the first kids come first you and him knew how much was being paid in child support so you’re going to have to suck it up

You can always go online - I know in Ohio we have an estimated child support worksheet - and if you know a round about of the mother’s income, you can get an estimated of what he would be ordered to pay if you took it to court. But ultimately, it’s up to him to decide to go forth taking it to court. I’d sit down and discuss it with him.

There are child support guidelines for each state. For example in NC they list both parents incomes, the number of children, and then add those numbers and see what the guidelines suggest for child support. From there, you count how much times each parent has with the child and get the percentage then multiply each parents percentage of overnights with the kids by the guideline amount you found earlier. This number is the amount each parent is responsible for the child each month. You then take that number for each parent and deduct the monthly amount of childcare and insurance, extra necessary child expenses, etc from which ever parent pays for each. Then subtract the lower amount from the higher amount. Whoever has the large number at the end is the one who pays the other parent with the lower number that set amount each month. Going through the child support agency insures that the child has the same standard of living at both homes and is getting at least the same amount of support in both homes so it is beneficial to the children. Now I can tell you that in my case, my ex-husband made 80k per year and he saw the kids twice a month. Child support was going to make him pay $1,600 per month for our two children. I knew he could not accomplish that so I requested they only make him pay a third of that. I’m saying this to let you know that the ex’s number actually does not sound outrageous and she may have really used the child support form for your state and that may be what he really should be paying for the children. Also, if she is buying gifts for the kids (trampoline, etc), a new car (transportation), making house payments (shelter), etc with the money, those all benefit the children in some way and you really can’t be mad about that. You should also be aware that if he does decide to take it to child support, his amount could increase just as much as it could decrease so you always take that chance.

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I mean, does he want to pay child support to 2 mommas?? Put your foot down and get a court order.

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Why does she she come after “your husband” for money? Maybe because they’re still his kids too…

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I am not clear, is your child his or do they have another father who can support them? It’s just a fact that if you have them, you pay for them. If you can’t pay more, don’t have more :woman_shrugging:t2: He seems like a good father who is looking after his children.

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Just tell him straight up!! :expressionless: :woman_facepalming:t2:

Maybe he is just trying to keep peace.??? Starting a conversation with I would like to go to court isn’t going to help coparenting. I honestly bet he hates it all as much as you do. But just doesn’t see how to fix it. Instead of yelling and fighting about situation maybe try talking to the kids mom and feel out the situation. Has this always been a thing? Can we lower payments? Maybe explain those payments are hard right now. Sometimes a simple conversation solves all issues

What are you saying that he holds insurance on them because her and her husband make to much to hold them ? Are you saying they get Medicaid since your house may be lower income ? I live in NC the courts want both parents to try to take care of the children and you can go to court all day but in most cases you get 50/50 custody here unless one parent is considered unfit ! They want the kids to be able to be with both parents ! If the mom is spending the money on her kids yes there clothes should fit and they should looks nice ! However if the are clothed well , food in the fridge and all their needs are met and the mom uses that money to buy them things they want - that’s what it’s for at least she is using it the right way not on her hair and nails :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Go too work yourself or tell him too take the baby mom too court.

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It is not her husband’s responsibility to pay for his kids it’s yours! He doesn’t see them or contribute in person so yes he should pay! It doesn’t matter what they have and what you do it’s still his responsibility. You signed up and married a man that doesn’t take care of his kids and now you’re complaining?

SMH you know what that woman must endure by herself raining kids and her husband raising kids that aren’t even his?

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It’s all good in well tell life snacks ya up side the face… little late now, but you knew this before ya married him, right? I mean this is the kinda stuff people should know about one another before marriage and more kids. He obviously feels he needs to pay it.

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Well first of all he’d pay less if he saw them more! Unfortunately he doesn’t want to do that so he has to pay!! It’s crazy he can see them more but chooses not too! I’d be angry at him for basically neglecting his children!

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He would Not pay less if he saw them more.
Her Current husbands income has no bearing on what Your Hubby owes for child support for HIS CHILDREN. They base it on the actual parents income. A grand isn’t Squat.
If he goes along to court…he will likely pay more…
If you are not working, get a Job. If your short of funds…don’t hook up and make babies with someone with kids they owe support to!

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Does he not see his other kids often by choice or is she withholding them?

Maybe he’s afraid that the courts will demand more money. They can take up to 40% of of income atleast where im from that’s what the court will order

Stop being so dang jealous! Good Lord those are his children too!

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Consult with a lawyer and see what they say. It will either give you ammunition to go to court or make you feel better about what you are paying knowing it could be worse.

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