I’m a stay-at-home mom with my 18-month-old. I love it, but we all know it’s challenging. My husband is a pipeliner and works hard all day. I don’t mind picking up the house while I can or doing his laundry and making him dinner. That’s the least I can do for him, letting me be a stay-at-home mom. It doesn’t bother me. By the end of the day, I’m so drained and love it when he comes home because he’s a very good father. When it comes to bedtime, he says he doesn’t want to rock our son because it takes too long, and he wants his sleep. I tell him it helps me out a lot when he can rock him just at night time to give mama a little break, and he just argues with me on why he is right. It’s been breaking my heart lately because I do it day in and day out. I’m his mom and fully capable of rocking him, but man, every now and then, of his father doing so is nice. Should I just not even ask anymore and do so every night? I cook, clean up supper, water plants, give our son a bath, and then some—all in the evening time of him being home on the couch. If I’m complaining too much, tell me. Just how I’m feeling
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband refuses to rock our son to sleep: Advice?
I take it from this, your 18month old can’t fall asleep without being rocked? No judgement on this at all! What about trying to involve him in a bedtime routine, to do together? Bath, story, ect and you can also spend time together doing that? Talk while they’re in the bath ect. Try make it fun not a chore?
I don’t think it’s unreasonable. Getting that small break, while also allowing a bond to build is a good thing. The time it takes for LO to fall asleep will shorten the more he does it. It’s a comfort thing if LO is used to you doing it it’ll take a little longer when someone else does but as the bond build the time will shorten. They are only that small once. I’d ask if he wants to. If he says no then ok. Telling him to will just cause friction. Eventually there will be times he will want to and that will be worth it. Hang in there mama. I know it’s hard.
Have you tried putting yourself in his shoes? I can see him doing it sometimes but when you work alot, it’s hard to find time for extras. Why is it so important for the rocking? If he’s getting him to sleep that’s all that should matter. I say this because it sux to work hard all day at work and come home to do the same thing. Like I said he should help sometimes getting the baby to sleep, but he should do it how he wants. He’s probably wanting to spend more time with you or doing things he can’t do at work.
My husband and I both work full time and I carry the brunt of the household chores. We alternate evenings taking the kids to bed. It’s been a lifesaver for us.
When one partner is working long hours and the other stays at home it is reasonable to expect the stay at home person to do most of the work for caring for the home–but parenting is a 24/7 job that both partners should share in when at home. Rocking his child is a lovely way to bond with his son and a way for him to relax if he would look at the benefits. However if he is complaining about not enough sleep maybe the toddler’s bedtime is too late? Maybe need to start earlier.
I think this is where compromise comes in. You guys agree on him picking two or three nights a week to put him to sleep so you can have a break to do what you need to do or want to do. It shouldn’t be one way or the other no matter what. Relationships are about compromise.
If that takes long then ask him to join in on bath time to help you. Fortunately, you did sign up for being a stay hm mom & having a father to go work while having you hm is a blessing to you all! Having children isn’t easy but its hard work. Let dad have his own rutine or acway of putting his baby to sleep faster if it works for him. Thus way you both are content
let me tell u jic hes one of those old school or ignorant guys that make u think ur not working just bcz ur a stayhome mom… u ARE working, and u also need a break and ur sleep, so yes he SHOULD help out even with more. so yes keep telling him til he’s blue. if not, then just let him do his own laundry and let him make his own dinner. i promise one of 2 things… he’ll change and do whats right, or he will find it as an excuse to cheat and/or leave, but always have in mind that if he’s a deadbeat the choice will b the latter n ur better off without him
I feel the same way and have been through the same thing. Again, same situation, I do everything at home and he’s very appreciative of the things I do at home, as I appreciate him working very hard for his family. He’s a great father and he does help me a lot when he’s home. We communicated, we both need breaks as parents. I sometimes take a bath and he looks after his children. That’s there time to bond essentially. Or on weekends, we both contribute to our home and our children. It’s an equal responsibility. Vice versa, he takes a shower and I make dinner. It’s an equal role and partnership. I chose to do everything at home so he doesn’t have to worry about a thing at home while he’s away working. Just need to communicate. I don’t think your complaining too much, it is hard staying at home all the time with children. It’s challenging. Just be open, honest, talk to each other is a respectful manner and really listen to each other. That’s all I can give.
Perhaps look into a bedtime routine that you BOTH can agree one. No judgement but im not rocking my 18 month old either. Everyone deserves a break whether they work inside/outside the home. Its all about finding that balance and what works for both of you.
When my ex husband and I were married, we’d take turns taking care of our daughter. When she was just fresh out of the oven, he’d take her from like 8pm-12am and I’d take care of her for the rest of the night till he got home from work. It worked out fine for us that way. Maybe you should ask him about doing that🙂
He doesn’t need to. You do it.
I think at 18 months he should be starting to be able to fall asleep without rocking
Why does he HAVE to be rocked? No judgment here, just trying to understand if that’s the only method in which the kid goes to sleep?
What if you wean the kid from rocking and make it a little easier for dad to help?
In any case, hope you’re not rocking a 6 year old in the future!
Get a job then, share the baby responsibilities. . If he’s an other wise great father then leave him alone.
If he doesn’t believe the child should be rocked and it’s causing controversy, I would take that up and stop asking. Maybe he can help with bath time to give you a little time by yourself instead. I totally understand needing a little time but if he’s not on board with the rocking then even if he agrees he’s probably going to be upset doing it. Something that your child will also feel and that won’t be a good bonding experience
Put the kid to bed!!!
I think finding an easier more self soothing bed time routine may be better for everyone involved. His sleep is necessary and reasons for needing rest are just as valid as yours. I think it’s time to come to a compromise on something that will work best for the entire family.
U shouldn’t have to rock him to sleep. Sleep train. Dont blame your hubby when you are causing the problem cuz u give in and rock him.
If i lived near you id come over and rock your baby to sleep every night.what a joy! What a privilege! Tell your hubby this time flys by and soon your baby will be all grown up and hubby will be wishing he could go back and rock that sweet baby one more time.
Working outdoors and doing manual work is a different kind of work and exhaustion. If he is overly tired and not getting enough sleep he can get hurt and that could be permanent.
He should be helping with his child but if he is pitching in other ways and getting involved with other activities with the child. I feel you should stop trying to force this. If you want to rock your child to sleep that should be your choice, if you want to change the nighttime routine because you’re resenting this time then you should. Just like your child can adjust to your proposal of his father rocking him, your child can adapt to you changing the nighttime routine and your not rocking the baby.
Find a compromise. Pick 1 or 2 nights a week for him to rock the little one to sleep. Maybe put your son to sleep a little earlier so that if it is taking a long time for him to fall asleep, it is not taking too much sleep away from dad, who works in physical labor. Or, find another way for him to take the load off you that doesn’t include him losing sleep. I have two little ones, I’ve rocked them to sleep, but it was never a necessity for them to fall asleep. Have you tried other bedtime routines? Warm bath and bedtime story before bed? Awesome night lights for the kiddo to look at while they lay in bed? Those are some of the things that worked for us. Every child is different but if you haven’t tried a different bedtime routine, might be worth a shot
I work 2 jobs an a single mom of 5 boys. I do all that plus work all day everyday. I completely understand where he is coming from! An you. He’s just tired an so are you. It gets easier.
You both work. He works outside the home and you work in. The only difference is he’s getting a break and you are not. He’s a parent too. He needs to help out with the baby.
Put the child to bed without rocking. Teach ur child to go to sleep by themselfs. I never rock my kids to sleep.
I love a m4n that uses working as an excuse to get other people to wipe his own ass said no woman ever
You need to put your baby to bed without rocking. Plus working outside in the summer heat is BRUTAL. My man works construction and in the summer I basically do everything for our 4 kids because when he comes home he is EXHAUSTED. On his days off I expect him to do just as much as I do though.
I guess I just don’t understand why an 18mo old is still being rocked to sleep. Sure we do bedtime with our daughter, read, say prayers, and snuggle for a few minutes but then she goes down still awake and goes to sleep on her own.
Maybe it make him uncomfortable, everyone is not the same. He does a lot for his family. Let it go
You should be in charge of all the cooking, cleaning and shopping. He should be paying 100%. You both should take care of your child together. If those are the rolls you chose, that’s what you’re responsible for.
At his age you shouldn’t be still Rocking him. If you co
He goes to bed with you that’s fine. But he shouldn’t be rocked at that age. It is taking too long because it isn’t developmentally appropriate anymore. He can’t exactly sooth by rocking. He is just falling asleep because he is tired. Hints why swings and bouncers aren’t appropriate for kiddos that age either. Maybe go lay with him until he falls asleep or sit with him until he falls asleep. But rocking him at that age is not only not doing much for
Him developmentally it will also wreck your poor shoulders and back. You should stop
It immediately. And also if you husband doesn’t feel it’s necessary take his word too. And come to an agreement.
Im with the group that says you shoudnt have to rock and 18 month old to sleep. Do the routine put him in bed rub his back a bit and leave.
Purchase the rocking seat or chair. Next!
18 months is way past the rocking stage in my opinion. Also you are a stay at home mom. My daughter is older but In my household we both work fulltime and we still split household chores. You are literally home all day and I’m sure your child naps at 18 months, if he doesnt he should. And you use nap time as your free time whether its napping as well or catching up on laundry. Your husband is out doing manual labor in the heat of summer or cold of winter depending on where you live. You choose to e a stay at home mom so that includes all the duties that come along with it. Also if it makes you both stress that much over it buy a swing for your son or a vibrating baby chair.
Why do you have to rock a 18 month old to go to sleep
It’s not for everyone. My opinion, and it’s only my opinion, is that your child is old enough to be put down without being rocked to sleep. Your husband’s line of work is exhausting and physically demanding and I don’t blame him for being tired as hell when he gets home and not wanting to have to sit up and do that. You said he’s a good father, so what’s the problem? Pick your battles
Rock the child to sleep yourself. That is a precious time. His loss. I love rocking my grands to sleep. I ro ked all 3 of mine and loved it
Uhhmmm put that baby down and let him sleep on his own …and spend that time with your hubby
I was a stay home mom for both my babies. I rocked them, cleaned house, cooked supper, and made sure learning was done. I never asked their dad to help especially knowing they worked hard all day. Of course they believed the baby needed to self soothe & learn to go to sleep on their own, while I felt to cuddle the baby to sleep. My advice to you is if you feel you are right, then get used to rocking the baby alone. He doesn’t feel that is the way & you will forever argue
Don’t make it an issue. Try and minimize the stuff you seem not to see eye to eye on and maintain the bigger picture. He is his father. He will come round to it. Meanwhile enjoy rocking the little chap. They grow so fast and you will miss this stage once he is big and out playing with his daddy. More grace to you
These people are RIDICULOUS. if you want to Rock the baby to sleep you rock that baby! You do NOT need to change what you’re doing. Bunch of Karen’s. ANYWAY your baby is only going to be a baby for a little while. He’ll spend his whole life putting himself to sleep. Give him the comfort and love while he wants and needs it!!! I believe sleep training is cruel so you do what you think is best. It takes two to make a baby so he should be helping for sure! But if he refuses to rock him and you want him rocked then you’ll have to do the rocking. I wouldn’t be happy about it and I’d tell him exactly what I just told you about him not being little forever. Savor it. It goes too fast
At 18m baby should be putting himself to sleep, you’re a crutch for him and it’s gone come back and bite you in the ass when he’s 3 and won’t sleep without you rocking him. I’m with your husband here.
Just buy a rocking recliner dad and baby can fall asleep together lol
If I rocked my daughter to sleep every night, she would never go to bed. She would literally make herself stay awake. I usually jus put the white noise sound on n walk away.
I am old school and think a hard working husband who supports a stay at home mommy deserves every break. You both work hard all day, you both need some extra help, hire a mother’s helper, an hour or two in the evening to give you two done alone time or in the middle of the day to give mommy some rest. Call your local church.
Woah I’m very shocked on how many of you are shaming her for asking the FATHER of her child to help PARENT THEIR child. Also, to the mom asking advise, if he doesn’t want to rock the child to sleep maybe have him give the child a bath once or twice a week or something else that isn’t right at bed time.
Your husband helped make your son what harm could it be that he helps take care of him occasionally
I still nurse my 23 month old to sleep everyday for nap and bedtime.
You do what you feel is right. It doesn’t have to be what others feel is right. Bc it is right to someone else doesn’t mean it has to be for others.
So maybe he could do bath time or wind down time and you continue to do the nightly rocking routine.
Our kids are only small for so long. I rather enjoy those moments before they grow out of that stage.
You’ve created a habit for a child who’s old enough to put themselves to sleep. My husband is a farm labor contractor and gets up before the sun and gets off work when the sun goes down. He works non stop for me to stay home with our daughter. I’ve never expected him to put our daughter to sleep, he’s never bathed her, changed her or fed her it’s been all me. Why if he’s doing all that for us, for his family that he created with me why am I going to still get on him for helping me when he gets home. That’s just my view
It’s your job as mom. He shouldn’t be expected to help unless yall are both working then it should be 50/50. Maybe that’s just me but I don’t it’s fair of you to expect him to do that Plus 18months is way too old for that, imo.
I still give my 15m.old a bottle and rock her to sleep why cause this is the only way she will sleep along with her paci she also has to lay beside be before I can put her into her bed or else we have to start everything all over again
If I had to wake up early the next morning honestly I may not want to either I love my little and am a stay at home mom but rocking to sleep we stopped around 9-10 months.
But it’s good you handle your household.
I didn’t rock my babies - but we read 3 books every night - maybe Dad would enjoy that. He needs to bond with his son.
I was a stay at home mom until my daughter started preschool. I was in this exact situation. I didn’t have to worry about covid either… So I don’t know how that would impact you… But here’s what I did.
My ex was a cop and left about 6 am in the morning… About 3-4 pm he’d come home, take off his gear and go take a nap (we lived in the desert… It was hot and exhausting). I was a full time student… And doing homework with a little one interrupting you is nearly impossible. So I would serve dinner between 530 and 6pm. When she was done eating, I put her in the bath washed her up, dried her off and put her in her pajamas. Then… It was movie time with Daddy. He’d put on something like a documentary or western… That she would find incredibly boring. They hung out for a bit… She’d crash by 8 or so and then he’d move her to her bed. After bath time, mom was off work.
Now… Here’s the thing people forget. If you want a child to follow a schedule… Be consistent. You plan around that schedule. It takes dedication… But we were home every night by 7 so she could be in bed on time… Cause if she didn’t get 10 hours of sleep… She was a terror. She’d go to grandma’s on weekends… That was our adult nights we got to.
Also… You have to run the hell out of them. Littles have so much energy. If they don’t get to run enough of that off… They won’t be tired when it’s bedtime. Take him outside and run him around playing for a good hour before dinner. Get his belly full. Then give him a warm relaxing bath… Bedtime will be so much easier. Other things you can do… Stop carrying him. If you’re still rocking him (no judgement, that therapy for you too) do you carry him around also? Stop that. Plan your shopping trip with extra time and make him walk holding your hand. If he flops in the floor having a fit… Walk off. He’ll get up and chase you…bam! More exercise.
And if you need a break… During the day, take him and go visit a friend with kids. Most older kids love to play with babies… It occupies him, he’s having fun… You get an adult conversation… And you can sit down to catch your breath.
It’s time for you to move from baby mentality to toddler mom. And you’re going to regret it if you don’t teach him autonomy. Take care of needs first, address behaviors (which you will reduce by 80 percent by him being routined, getting enough sleep, and burning more energy off), then spoil him with love. If he just gets the love, he doesn’t get the discipline.
Child growth and development is the best class I ever took… It should be required for every parent.
It sounds like it’s the rocking that is daunting, not the responsibility. I mean if you could just put the babe to bed awake you’d be less tired as well. At 18 months I would move away from rocking and make the night routine before sleep a lot shorter so dad can just put babe to bed, not make him sleep and he’ll probably be more willing!!
If he doesn’t like the rocking how about him laying on your bed having quiet time on his chest while he settles down and sleepy transferring. My little girls 5 and still loves her lullaby sounds in bed while she nods off. Your husband sounds a misery they aren’t little for long cherish those moments Xx
If you’re not working then it is your job as a mom. He makes the money. You take care of the house and kids. That’s how it should work at least. That’s how we do it. And 18 months is way too old to be rocking anyways. He needs to learn how to self soothe and sleep on his own.
Can you maybe have a different thing dad can do for baby at night instead of rocking him? Maybe dad can read a book or do bathtime etc just to give you that 10 to 15 minute break.
At 18 months old you should probably be trying to get him to go to sleep on his own. If you want to rock him forever, that’s your choice but don’t get mad at your husband for not wanting to.
Baby is now older, put him/her down to go to sleep without rocking.
I don’t think an 18 month old should need to be rocked to sleep…
If he doesn’t rock, then why doesn’t he clean up dinner or do some other chore while you are rocking?
Cut out nap time. That’s what I’ve had to do and no tv an hour and half before bedtime and dim the lights so the brain starts to produces melatonin
Just do it yourself, he works all day & you get to stay at home…im sure ill get slack for this comment but i have done both & being a stay at home mom is deff easier then working all day…
If he has to be up early, he has a point. He can’t nap when he’s pipelining. You can nap and rest when the baby does.
Time to stop rocking the baby and rock your husband to sleep.
You’re gonna have to compromise. Why don’t you make one or two nights a week that are his turn.
This might just be how we did it but, when my husband and I both work everything is 50/50, when he was the only one working it was me doing everything with kids/house although he always pitched in with kiddos when he got home cause the kiddos want to spend time with him and he wouldn’t reject that, and when I was working and he was laid off he did all house/kids and of course I’d still do stuff when the kids when I wasn’t at work . But 18 month to be rocking to sleep I’d skip on that too, maybe trying to break the habit. Sometimes Is good but everyday he’s not gonna learn to self soothe.
Why don’t you hire a babysitter and a maid one day out of the week so you can take a nap or do some self care during the day while your husband works his ass off to support his family??
He’s working his ass for you guys
When my husband worked pipeline before didn’t want to do that stuff either because he was mentally and physically exhausted! I would cut him some slack I know breaks are important I have 2 now a almost 3 month old and an almost 4 year old. It’s really hard to keep up with the house and kids and dinner and laundry and all that with 2 children but at the same time we get to stay home and raise these babies while they go work in the heat and cold to provide. I’ve worked out there before also it is not a fun environment and I would come home and couldn’t feel my arms and legs from moving rocks and digging all day. Yes they are his responsibility also but know he is exhausted.
My daughter was rocked all the way up till she was 2 1/2. Now she’s 4 and sleeps just fine on her own. She’ll take herself to her to bed and has been since she was 3. I can completely understand where you are coming from. And no it’s not just the woman’s job to clean house and take care of kids. Whether he works or not he is ALSO a parent.
Well I know a millwright.who has a 4 year old and a 1 year old and still works 16 hrs and comes home and is super happy to be a dad and takes over so mom can shower in peace and then clean or laundry whatever the case may be.
He really is an amazing father but says all the time “I didn’t have kids for my wife I had kids for me too. I think it’s my part to put the boys to bed after all she is with all day, night time is daddy time even if its only a couple hours”
Mind you he worked 16 hrs sometimes only 14 but still… he is a great dad.
As the wife of a former roughneck I understand him saying sleep is necessary. My hubby was always physically exhausted they work HARD. I agree with the majority though find another task for Dad to do and let him know he’s appreciated and maybe just rinsing and stacking dishes or loading the dishwasher why you put babe to bed will help. Also agree 18 months aka 1 1/2 years is a bit old to still be infant soothing to bed. (Been there done that)
I had a conversation with my husband about expectations and responsibilities. He’s an electrician, so I sat with him and kind of said how much I appreciate everything he does for us and I know his job is physically demanding and he’s tired, but I’m tired too. It’s just a different tired. After I kind of laid it out that way he saw things differently. You just need to walk him through your day and everything you, while still acknowledging his work. It helps.
If he won’t help put your child to bed ,then ask him to help you around the house,maybe he’ll be more willing to help out ,doing dishes or washing clothes or vacuuming the house .
Sleep train at that age your child should be able to go to sleep without being rocked or they are never going to learn to self sooth.
F that. Is he a partner & father or a sugar daddy??! He’s too important to spend time with and bond with his son and give you a break in the meanwhile? I ain’t have nice words
He’s kinda yanno too old to be rocked to sleep.
Pick your battles. 18m should have a non rocking bed time routine by now.
It’s amazing how much stay at home moms complain. Try working 8-10 hours a day and then come home to cook, clean, wash clothes, bath the kids… oh and put them to sleep . You say he’s a good father and works hard so you don’t have to. Are you just complaining to hear yourself ? Maybe you’re bored?
Yeah that’s not a infant. Start letting him fall asleep on his own or you will be rocking a kindergarten
You are not complaining! It should be 50/50! I’m not married to compare but my sister is and has 2 kids , 1 just turned 3 and one is 2 months old, and her husband works and she stays home and he still comes home and helps her and does whatever she needs him to do!! He actually puts the kids down and then sometimes they do it together. I don’t care if you work or not , he needs to put in some more effort! That’s a part of being a father and working . It’s called life
I think instead of asking him to rock him, you should ask him to help you sleep train him.
All these people saying he’s too old to be rocked to sleep are crazy. My 2 1/2 still won’t sleep on his own. What’s wrong with snuggling until he gently falls asleep? It’s bonding time
You are both busy the whole day, so it’s unfair for him to rock baby to sleep so you can relax at night when he needs it too…you will need to compromise on that rather
My husband is a millwright and works hard outside in the Houston Texas heat-I am a stay at home mom and I do most of the all house work and kid stuff BUT if I need my husband to help with something all I have to do is ask. I feel I’m a blessed woman as good men are hard to find.
I don’t think you’re asking too much especially if it’s every now and then. You need a break too. I hope you work it out, I know it’s hard.
I play mom and dad. Last night after all my chores I was about to finally shower….the two year old woke up and DEMANDED snuggles… I threw on my sweatpants, no shower, and snuggled on the couch…
I have all the responsibilities but ALL the snuggles.
The complaining didn’t work with my BD. So I took over his roles.
Voice your opinion. Snuggles from two parents is better than snuggles from one.
You’re not…but you are?
It’s ok to need help and to need a break…you’re not in anyway wrong there.
The monotony of being a stay at home parent can be draining and isolating.
But I also know what it’s like to rock a toddler and fall asleep with said toddler in your arms in a chair because you’re so physically exhausted from work your eyes will not stay open.
I would find a compromise.
I refused to actually rock my youngest to sleep…I cuddled with him instead. So if I fell asleep I wasn’t dropping him.
Maybe have your hubby and your kiddo cuddle in y’all’s room for a bit while you shower or take a break? That way husband is comfortable and so is little.
Hes your husband and your child father. There is no "helping’ . You both live in the home, he works outside the home, you work inside the home. You both are responsible for everything.
I have never rocked my 3 children. I see his point as I had the same one. I also wanted my kids to learn to sleep without sleep aids, so I didn’t rock. We read a book, snuggle, bottle, straight to bed.
Now, I do expect my husband to help, so if you insist on rocking, then he can help with something else while you do that. He does need to help.
He fails to see that you work just as hard as he does. He needs to help out. You are not his servant.
At 18 months he should not be being rocked to sleep anyway
Rock to sleep at 18mos old?
At 18 months old my daughter and my son both fell asleep on there own… I mean everyone parents different but yeah that’s a no for me js…
Sounds like you both work hard and are drained. Perhaps take turns. One night it’s you and the next it’s him. There’s not gonna be too much longer of it with the child’s age and one day you’ll both miss those days. Work together, be a team. Or both of you do it. If rocking the child is an issue maybe consider another way to put the child to bed that benefits you both
He needs to help. I’m a stay at home mom to so I definitely understand where you are coming from! my husband is a truck driver, but when he is home he helps with anything I ask for. your husband definitely needs to help you sometimes!
Why are you even rocking your child to sleep. It’s a bad habit you started and now want your husband to pay for that bad habit? Your husband is right.
Welcome to motherhood.