My Husband Refuses to Stay Home and Help with Our New Baby After I Had a C-Section: Advice?

Tell him he needs to step up or step out. Explain to him that as much as you appreciate that he wants to work and support the family financially, he needs to support you emotionally and physically during your time of healing. He’s acting like a baby-daddy instead of a father and he needs to get his shit together.

I had serious complications from my first pregnancy not a c section but I was in a very bad way. My partner wasn’t at home at all but I did the best I could. Unfortunately as a mum sometimes you need to just suck it up its surprising how well we cope. Best of luck to you :blush:

I had a csection 13 days ago and my children’s father took near 2 weeks off without even telling me to help me with the kids. We’re not even in a relationship. Your husband is being really inconsiderate. I am still in pain from the invasive surgery to retrieve our child from my womb. I take tylenol on the clock and have been told by my children’s father to take a nap whenever I need one lmao. For some reason he’d rather be at work than home and that’s sus as hell. Talk to him and figure it out because you will become resentful of him for it.


Why are so many women on here whimps with their husbands? Yes, some have to go back to work right away. Many do not. My husband saved some vacation many many years ago. He wanted to share that time with us.


I had an emergency c section and was home 4 days later I live alone and also had a 3yr old to look after it was hard and definitely a struggle at times but I had to do it as I was on my own ,
You have help at home so it’s different as you shouldn’t have to do it alone sometimes as mums we just have to get on with things your stronger than you think best of luck

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Idk i had a c section and health complications i have a brain disease and spinal disease but i toughed up and still got up to take care of my new born and 3 other kids my husband took off what he could but had to go back to work hes the majn provider i was thankful he got any time off…and thankful he was there… i think as mothers we always have to toughen up things that might hurt or are hard for us and still do everything thats needed at the time thats just what we do men dont fully understand what we go through as a woman or mother and wife but we do it for our families yeah having a csection is hard and painful but you got to toughen up and do what u got to do and not worry about things u cant control thats just my opinion

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My fiance went back to work 3 days after I gave birth I hated it and it was hard,but you’ll make it through. Plus you’ll surprise yourself how amazing you did.

Hire a home health aid and a nanny.

I mean after 2 weeks you should be up and moving especially after a c-section. Not implying you’re lazy, but maybe now that hubby’s gone this would be a good opportunity to get you and kiddos into a nice routine? Let him work, and make extra money, and if you really need the extra help get day care for the toddler when you feel like you need a break.


I’d leave him. My partner is just that my partner. So, when I need him he’s there.


Sounds like he would rather work than be at home with you guys. He definitely should have communicated better. Idk if he’s always like this but if he isn’t communication and helping out now I’m not sure when that will change.


Who DOES he listen to? His parents, friends, close coworkers, a neighbor? Talk to one or more of these people and enlist their help to talk to him about why he should be helping more.

That said, is he afraid of losing clients, being seen as unreliable or unpromotable at work for taking paternity leave? Is he afraid of losing “face time” with a boss or a coworker who will steal his work/sabotage him? Is he being teased for being “Mr. Mom”? Just because he has the leave available doesn’t mean there aren’t negative consequences for taking it.

Or is he afraid he won’t be good enough at being a dad, or that you will accuse him of doing everything “wrong”? Ask him why he thinks working is more important or why staying home is scary. Maybe he’s looking at college costs which can be terrifying, especially for two kids.

Do you or have you worked outside the home? Office politics can be cutthroat. What happens if he loses his jobs?

If need be, see if you can get some marriage counseling to resolve this (online if possible), and learn better ways to communicate and resolve conflicts. A neutral third party is often better able to get people to change behavior.

Clearly if he’s only said he would take off to appease you and has no intention of doing so, both of you need to change your approach. In the meantime, see who else you can count on now & in the future. You NEVER can have too much help!

Good luck! Hope you are both able to grow and improve your bond.

P.S. I got to save my sick and vacation leave for years to have 6 weeks off when I had my kids; their dad got to take time off while I was in the hospital. That’s it. Some people don’t get any time off; one friend just had to take a donut pillow and go right back to work. You are luckier than many.

My husband got 21 days off and I absolutely needed him at least for another week after that. I had severe complications though so I honestly don’t know what an average healing time is for a C-section. The issue I see here as he told you he would and then decided not to. Without discussing it with you. Ultimately not much you can do besides maybe not reproduce again with someone that doesn’t care about your needs :sob:

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If y’all really don’t need the extra money and you live comfortably then I can see where you’d be frustrated.
Seems like he tells you one thing and does another which can definitely be annoying.
I’m sure you’re wanting to spend time with your little family, it’s a bummer to have to “get back to normal”.
Is he the type that likes to stay busy? Maybe he’s going stir crazy, not saying you aren’t, but I feel like maybe y’all just need to open up the communication a little more. There’s probably a reason he wants to work so much. Whether he’s overwhelmed by the kids,
Or he’s stressed about money, or he’s just the working man type.
If you’re feeling sensitive and jsut want your man around more then try expressing it to him in a loving way.

Either way, I’m sorry you’re having a hard time! Having a baby and a toddler is overwhelming!
Hang in there mama❤️


I am shocked at how many women are commenting to basically just let this slide…handle the kids yourself… don’t make him think he needs you…

Ladies, seriously?? He made those kids too, he has the opportunity to spend time with his toddler, his newborn, AND his recovering partner and HE IS CHOOSING TO THROW IT AWAY. Remind him that if he doesn’t take the time with them when they’re small now, he’ll regret it. If he can’t offer you the support you obviously desperately need, then FUCK HIM. And I say support, not help. He’s not a nanny, he shouldn’t help you, he should do the work too! Its no 50/50, its 100/100 until the other can’t give their all (like when they’re recovering from a major surgery). Then it’s up to him to pick up the extra slack until you’re stronger.

Dear Lord some of you guys are beyond ridiculous. Congrats you did it alone, here’s a medal. To justify this “husband” actions is awful.
At the end of the day she just gave birth to his child and she needs him home, he needs to be home.
His family is his responsibility, while yes the help from others are wonderful but HE NEEDS TO STEP UP.


I dont have any advice. But I want to say I am sorry you are going through this. I have been where you are. I worked up until the week before I had a c section with my last baby. I got a total of six hours of sleep in 3 days during my stay at the hospital, yes he was with me but didnt lift a finger, slept all night as nothing had changed, the nurses helped me more than he did and after the first day of being home I was on my feet doing house chores driving my other 3 children where they needed to go. I resumed my normal activity as if I hadn’t just had a c section because I had no choice (he had time off and he still did what he chose to do) which wasn’t helping me with anything. I went back to work after 4 months of being home and being the sole caretaker of my son. I wish I could say things changed but they didnt and haven’t. It takes a toll on you and your relationship and I hope you dont grow to resent your spouse. He should have helped and didnt. All men should be more involved with their children. Some just aren’t. Best of luck


:flushed: you made them, you help raise them

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I’m good. I dont need the help. I would choose my husband to work so we can keep a roof over our heads, food on the table, diapers, formula etc :woman_shrugging:I had complications with both my children.


My husband went back to work when I got out of the hospital but my mom was there to help

Our baby is due in March and my bf will be for sure taking 2 weeks off to help. It’s a huge surgery and a painful one. I’d be very upset too!! If my man said he wasn’t gonna help, honestly I’d leave so fast. A baby is a two person job especially the first couple weeks! Praying for a fast recovery for you and the strength you need :heart:


Sounds more like hes running away from u and cant stand being home anymore. He picked up extra hours to stay out of the house he wont even be home for dinner or bed times id ask where he is in ur relationship sounds like he wants out. Or hes cheating. Maybe just realized its not for him. Most men help in ways that they can even if they arent there during the day. Sounds like he wants nothing to do with it he didnt even do a full 2 weeks still went to work… u got this though this is what we were made to do. Woman never got help long ago and had worse incisions and got thru! Every time ur up ur guna have to get a few things organized that u will need close by so u dont have to get up a thousand times! U got this keep ur head up and figure out what u need to do for urself since money is no issue…


I agree that it sounds like he wants out and/or cheating. Something isn’t right there. He should want to be home with his family not working when he doesn’t have to and longer hours. Seen many before and they were cheating. I hope you heal fast and wish you the best


Can you call his mother and let her know what’s going on and tell her the lack of help that you’re getting from him maybe she can help straighten him out and he can put his priorities or it needs to be witches with you and then return to work


So with my first it was an emergency c-section, my hubby refused to let me do anything for the first 4-6 weeks. Only thing I was aloud to do was pick up our son. My c-section also got the best of me and I could hardly stand for the first month. We currently have our second on the way and we plan a c-section with this one aswell, its definitely going to be an adjustment but its something to learn as we go. Is their any family around that could come around while he’s gone to possibly help out abit? Or is it possible to get a babysitter or nanny for afew hrs a day?

I didn’t have a csection but we just had number 6 a month ago. My fiancé was off for over a month, got a statement from MY doctor- I gave permission for the statement, but never would have dreamed they’d have worded it how they did and it pissed me off to no end- that stated “please excuse from work until 10/09 due to the need to be at home to assist partner with familial obligations post delivery…” he was never here. The night we came home from the hospital- we stayed 4 nights as for some reason my BF babies always have a lot of trouble gaining weight in the beginning- he went to a lodge meeting and was gone for probably 6 hours while I was alone with the newborn and our toddler… if it weren’t for my sister bringing my older two kids home that night I’d have probably lost my mind. I didn’t want to be alone just for comforts sake, and he didn’t want to be at home. I’d have to wait til baby was asleep to shower because he claimed he was scared of him… this is his FOURTH bio child for Pete’s sake. He’d sleep like an angel all night, while I was up til daylight, sleep in til noon and wake me up from napping with baby to tell me I needed to get our toddler, he was going somewhere. This went on every day for two weeks and I finally just stopped asking him to help me. It did no good. I really have no advice, other than when you recoup physically, it was easier for me to handle him not being home from a mental standpoint. The kids and I have gone on about our normal agenda without his help.


My husband went back to work the day after I got out if the hospital. After having a C-section and then an emergency surgery to stop bleeding.

My fiance took 3wks off (2wks was for paternity leave and 1 extra week) since i had to have an emergency csection and the baby had alot of problems after birth add on we had 8 kids at home. I was blessed to have him and his ex aunt in law and her husband there with me to help out. Im so sorry your going thru this, maybe he is running from home life of 2 kids? Have a sit down and a calm heart to heart with him and really get to the bottom of it.

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Not to be mean, but what would you say if he wasn’t workin?? My daughter went through 4 c-sections, and she did it all on her own while her husband worked all day.


This is pretty unacceptable

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Seriously? This is your issue? 1st world problems. Take the hired help and stop being a total bitch. He obviously doesn’t want to be there. And I can kinda see why.

I had twins. C section. Hubby worked 12hr days. 7 days a week. No support system. I just did it! Suck it up.


Uhm he is helping…by working. I mean fudge my now ex husband was at work the day I came home with baby 1 (my mom got us from the hospital) he went to school and work after baby 2. The day after. Now with my toddler my bpyfriend went to work at 6am the next day when she was born at 7pm. Wouldn’t you want the income coming in? I mean heck I was annoyed just sitting at home for 6 weeks after my 3rd. If the docs would have let me i would have been back the week after (had cancer stuff to deal with and such)


I dont get why u are upset I had a c section and managed just fine. My hubby had to work after the 2 weeks was up and thankfully I had my mom to come help out on days I felt I needed it. He is probably stressing about money just because u think you have enough he may not feel the same and wants to provide for his family. Be glad he is working and not out drinking enjoying himself

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My first my husband and my mom were home with me for over a month as my husband was working from home. My second he was in a different job and took a total of 3 days off. My mom was with me for a week but then it was just me, my newborn and my 3 year old from 7:30 am till 6 pm. I cooked, cleaned and watched after them. It was hard but doable.

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This is why men traditionally did not get paid paternity leave.

I had a csection on sept 8th and my boyfriend had to go back to work on kSept 26th… he needed to go back as he is our main provider. We are an oilfield family so he had to go when he got the call.

He needs to talk to a councilor, he has something going on and doesnt qant to be at home with you and the babies…

I came home from the hospital from having a c section and had to take care of a 3 yr old a 5 yr old and a 7 year old all by myself. Its really not that hard. Yeah I get you would like the help and he’s a ass if he doesn’t but it’s doable

Hes helping by out making the money so yall can live and take care of yall family.

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Sounds like he wants to work and support his family. Men and women worry about different things. Their brains are wired differently. Let him work. I had a c section with a toddler. You will be fine.

I say your lucky he took two weeks off… I had a section and a 4 year old at home and mine took 4 days off.

  1. Sometimes men have depression after a new baby as well.
  2. I had a c section 6 weeks ago (baby 5) n although I have support I have been up and about since week 2.

Sometimes we want to be pampered and have them at our back and call but it doesn’t work that way.

So he is either depressed/adjusting to another child or cheating.

U figure it out

Hugs though I know its hard cu, I have a 14 month old and a special needs 6 year old

So there are many factors that plays into this, but their is no wrong or right answer. 1. Your in a very emotional state right. I would take a deep breath and remember everything works out! 2. Some people are completely non-newborn people. Idk how he was with ur toddler as a baby. 3. Maybe their is a different reason he may wants to work aside from money. There are lots reason from pressure from bosses, hate sitting at home, affair, to needing money for drugs. Maybe trying communicating over the reason behind it. 4. Some people aren’t the parent parenty kind you need to decide if that’s the case and if ur okay with that. 5. If he is abandoneding ur needs and wants you need to decide if that’s something you are okay with. 6. If u have a close friend or family or even hired help that’s able to help you accept it. 7. I wouldn’t make a decision about staying or going right away like I said ur in an emotional state at the moment.
I hope everything works out sending prayers.

I think this is disgusting especially if money isnt an issue. My partner had 3 weeks of when our son was born and that was naturally and hes about to have another week off when i have wls and hernia operation. He’d do anything to make sure me and the boys are looked after especially coz i wont be able to lift our baby for atleast the first week. He really needs to pull his head in

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C-sections are not that hard I had three of them and people are pretty amazing how fast I can recover it’s not that bad I don’t know why people make it out to be so bad it’s very easy just do what you normally do that’s what I did my husband doesn’t stay home cuz I know how to do things without somebody holding my hand


Unfortunately you can’t force him to do what you ask, but try to communicate with him and let him know your needs. Hopefully he will understand why you need his help. Maybe he’s overwhelmed and doesn’t know how to handle a newborn and a toddler so he chooses to work instead.

He was just off for 2 weeks… I haven’t ever had a c-section but I’m assuming you should be ok enough to let the man work. The only thing I see unacceptable is he didnt tell you ahead of time of the hours he would be working.

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:woman_shrugging: I did mine myself as the dad left when I was 10 weeks. Toddler and newborn on my own. She’s now 4.5months and we’re good. Never needed their father for anything.


Women have been doing it for years lol what could you honestly need him to do. Be glad he is working your gonna need those paychecks more than you need him to keep you company around the house all day lol

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Ok so it seems like a lot of people on here are just telling you to suck it up. Um…no. If he doesn’t need to be at work and y’all are good financially, he needs to be home. I don’t care how much diapers are. I don’t care how much formula is. If you say you’re good financially, then you’re good that way. Y’all agreed on something and he didn’t follow through. That’s that. He obviously does not want to be home to help you, mentally and physically. Maybe on his day off you need to hand off the kids and leave to go do something yourself. If you’re breastfeeding, pump and leave breast milk. You need to take a few hours to yourself, away from your kids and husband. But first and foremost, you need to tell your husband how you feel and discuss with him that he went back on what y’all said. And figure out why he did that. Does he not want to take care of the baby/toddler? Does he think you really need the money? Is he actually at work? Sit down with him and tell him that if he refuses to listen to you right after you BIRTHED HIS BABY, then he doesn’t deserve you. You deserve better than that.


My boyfriend took off one week and I have other children. We also needed the money. In your situation it’s selfish of him to ignore your needs right now when you just had major surgery. I honestly wouldn’t put up with it. If he is like this when you need him the most I can’t imagine what he is like any other time you need help. Marriage is about teamwork and raising kids is hard. You need a partner and not someone you have to beg for help.


Be thankful you have him for those two weeks and you have him home every night and every morning. I got two weeks and my o/h went on tour for 7 months, I was at home with a new baby and a just gone 3yo having had an emergency section, I had no choice but to carry on with life as family wasn’t close by and I didn’t really know many of the other families as we hadn’t lived there that long. Be great full for what you have. There are plenty of other mums not so lucky.

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Just because a lot of women have shit boyfriends and husbands does not make this ok…

I had an absolute horrible recovery, couldn’t hold my own son for long stretches of time & had an infection that lasted 4 months and almost landed me in the hospital, my man was only allowed to take the rest of that week after having him off, I’d feel lucky to get 2 weeks with his help. If he doesn’t need to be at work and you guys agreed on him staying home , talk to him and ask what’s changed?

Your Husband is a POS :rage:


my husband took 1 week. and was back to 40 hours.

Im sorry i dont have advice im so over shitty men

My fiancée was only at home for 2 days before going back to work full time on third shift, I see him 3-4 hours a day. I’ve been home with the newborn and a 5 year old after my csection and haven’t had any problems.

Somebodies got to go to work

Take that extra money and hire a mommy helper. Maybe he’ll get tired of his extra money getting spent on someone else.


The women here telling her to suck it up…just do it…she should be able to handle it by herself…

I’m disappointed in you. We’re supposed to build each other up. We’re supposed to be the village. And here you are making her feel weak and silly for expecting her husband to be there for her and her children. Shame on all of you to said anything like that to her. Shame. And…


Some guys are like that. He thinks he’s doing the right thing. And to be honest he’s being selfish. Do you have a family or friend that give you help a few hours a day? My husband went right back to work too right after my c-section. And my first child was inly 10.5 months old. Thank the Lord for my mom. I got a rhythm going and did my thing while he provided. He did help when he was home though. I hope you can find a balance.

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Well he may miss a lot more time off work. If he doesn’t help you and you were to develope a tare or an infection from lifting. Not except able.

I think he’s probably lying you about the finances and HAS to work… OR work is where he would rather be :woman_shrugging:t5:

If a man treating you like shit you know it so why let him. He can hit the door if he’s barely there anyway and you’re unhappy when he is

The first week or two when he is back to work is so tough after a csection while having a toddler at home. It gets easier. Hang in there momma. You got this!


I’m so sorry! This would be my nightmare. I’m due in 2 wks with another csection. I couldn’t do it without my husbands help. Such a bummer that he doesn’t understand this for you. Maybe in the moment he will call out of work when he sees you are not able to get up by yourself and the pain meds you will be on you shouldn’t be alone. Good luck

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After my mom had her c-section by dad brought her home from the hospital and had to leave for 90 days on the ship (he was military) she had me to take her and the new born. Honestly it sucks im sure but I’m sure you are a strong person

Least hes bringing the £ in!!! Some women don’t have dads to help them, he dosent need to be glued to your hip leave him be.


All those saying but its money ok well if she said they dont need it and he agreed to stay home and isn’t then thats not oh just suck it up thats the guy being a complete asshole not being their for his child and women and completely fucked up i could understand if u need the money or had no choice but to work but come on he can stay home and he isn’t their is a problem their . i know most not if any of your guys man could stay home they would and help u if not then u need to reevaluate yalls relationship bc i know my man would put me and my kids first over his job if he had the choice .

If you havnt already prepared food for freezer, cook food that is quick and easy make more and freeze, get take away,
Change toddler on a mat on top of coffee table or couch, that way your not lifting them they can climb up & down,
Don’t worry about house work do a few jobs each day not the whole lot!
If you know someone is coming over wash all clothes so they can hang them or get a clothes rack and hang your self.
Don’t sit all day get up and move it’s hard at first but better for your recovery, if your too tired and want to sleep put baby to sleep and toddler in portacot next to u and sleep.

Your hubby is probably just over whelmed with seeinng you like that and having a new baby in the house and copes with going to work
Rather then staying home, maybe come to some type of agreement like when he is at home he could sit with the kids and you have a longer shower, he can vacume each night and take the clothes of the line

Goodluck I know it’s hard but it’s much easier if both of you are happy, everyone deals with things differently so talk and meet somewhere in the middle

Is he concerned about the economy and job security with so many mass layoffs? I don’t think it would be unfair for him to go back to work if that’s the situation because unfortunately that’s the case for many and their just isn’t the luxury of talking time off and being able to come back to a job when companies are doing large layoffs and budget cuts. I understand wanting the bonding time and help but if say financial stability is more important in such an unstable situation.

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Honestly, you’ll be fine after your c section. Just have everything you need right next to you. If you need to eat get up and take it easy. It’s so much better to heal and rest on your own with your baby on your own time. On the other hand, some men are just incapable of understanding that we don’t NEED their help we WANT their help and there is a big difference.

Maybe you need to go stay with your parents for a few weeks. Don’t tell him about it either. Just take your stuff and go. Don’t answer calls. He wants someone else to deal with his kids while he works, he can enjoy someone else taking his kids when he’s home and lonely too. And then he can sit and wonder about it for a couple weeks until you feel better. Then you can start answering his calls, and ask him, “If I get good enough at doing it all without you, then what tf I need you for?” He’s gonna pay for those kids either way. It’s his choice. He can work and figure out how to be lonely, or he can work and figure out how to be a partner.


Maybe he feels like he needs to work. My husband would go insane sitting home every day, he’s a workaholic lol.
You are lucky he had 2 weeks off and still didn’t go back full time yet.
I had 3 c-sections, 2 being emergencies because of preeclampsia. When we had our second my husband had to go back to work the day after she was born while we were still in the hospital. When we had our 3rd (born 5 weeks early) same thing. After 2 weeks you should be mostly healed and you should be up and moving around as often as you can.

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Sounds like he’s avoiding home life


Every man is different. Every situation is different. You cannot force a person to do anything. So, only do what you are able and what’s necessary. Don’t pick up your toddler but let them snuggle and cuddle you as often as possible. Try and teach them to be as independent as possible for their age… having them help you with the little things not only eases the burden on you but youre bonding with your toddler and new born together…I had my first as involved as possible w my second starting w the pregnancy… Lotion on the belly, helping “fold” baby laundry, picking up toys, helping empty the dishwasher etc… by the time baby was born she was wanting to help change diapers, snuggles, sponge baths, telling me when to feed (I breast fed) and then monitoring me feeding making sure baby drank enough lol. Relax as much as you can and don’t put pressure on yourself to make sure the house is clean and meals made. You and your toddler can snack lots. It’s a short time frame and if you’re able to stay as relaxed as possible you’ll be on your feet much quicker. Stay strong momma, you got this!
(Congratulations on baby btw!)

as soon as you are healed, get back to work and start divorce proceedings. Face it, he has no interest in being a supportive husband and father.


I had a c-section with my son my daughter was 10 months old at the time of my son being born. I came home late Sunday afternoon and my husband went to work on Monday morning. I was home with both babies by myself. I managed to do what I needed to. Each man is different. They view things differently as well. Hopefully he helps you. Good luck.

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Can you send your toddler to daycare?

i had a csection and tubal almigation over 9 weeks ago some days are harderr then others

my partner n in particular his work place have been a god send…

he never took any time off apart from my struggling days in pain.
which was twice.

i also have 2 kids 5 n 7 both with special needs n my 7 yr old having to have operations

my advice life isnt easy thw pain will get better stay on top of ur meds for pain relief n only do what u can manage for your partner he should be helping more maybe speak to him about it.

Shit, my youngest was born at 6:31am by csection and his dad was back to work at 12n… that was with 2 other kids at home!!
Do what you gotta do!

Honestly… hes the one making money right now, he probably doesnt want to let you guys down financially so he probably figures if someone else can help and he can provide, why not? It will help in the long run all around!

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I feel like he wants to go places in his career and honestly as a mother of 5 who drove myself home from the hospital every single time, I feel like youre going to be okay. In my situation, we did NEED the money. But at the same time, the first few kids we had, my husband thought that he was going to grow old and retire from that specific job. I understood that and supported him. Yes it was hard but he wanted to support us while I was out of work. Dont take this the wrong way but I really think you should support and thank your man for wanting to do the best he can for his family. Millions of mothers do what you’re doing every day and yes it’s hard, but supporting you, the toddler and the baby can’t be that easy either


Let him work and put the money in savings since you say money isn’t the problem. The night before just have him put everything in place to make it easier on you. Get kid tv dinners for your toddler. I think you are hurting some and overwhelmed. Is there anyone that can check on you during the day. Your husband needs to work. He does need to bond with the kids when he gets home if it’s not too late. This all will pass. If you get to where occasionally you need help don’t hold back, ask relatives or friends.


My first c-section I was ok during the day by myself. I had my dad close by if needed. My 2nd child, also c-section, I had a friend move in for a few weeks for help during the day with the older child. After 2 weeks I was good

My husband also refuses to stay home with me. I am lucky enough to have others that could help. He just doesn’t really know what to do with infants and felt awkward. Is this the only thing he’s not prioritizing as far as your family goes? If so, I might let it go. If not, then maybe there’s an issue.

Hes working.
You have to work to make money. You have to have money to pay bills. With all the stuff going on…its better to continue working in case something happens later where he cant/isnt allowed to work. So you’ve got extra money saved back.

You’re not the first woman to have a csection and a toddler and need to find a way to make it work. You wont be the last either.

My husband was off the day of my csection which was a Tuesday. Then off until that sunday and returned to work monday.

I cooked. I cleaned. I drove. I took care of a newborn. I took care of an 4 year old with autism and adhd. That included walking through two parking lots to drop him off and pick him up from prek.
My husband needed to work. I needed to let him. I had to find a way to make it work and so I did.

Sometimes your headspace is your biggest limitation.



You carried his child and gave birth to his child. And he doesn’t feel responsible?

Has he always treated you so cavalierly?

How horrible.

What would I do in your shoes? There needs to be a COME TO JESUS MOMENT.

If you have tolerated this I’m the past now is the time to draw the line and be firm.

He helps it he goes. PERIOD.

If you are going to care for both of your children right after giving birth with no help from him then you might as well kick him to the curb.

You are already a single parent. That is your reality.

Why be a single parent with a husband that is a child also?


So sorry mama :cry: hugs! If your husband can’t understand that you need support (physical and emotional) because you had your stomach ripped open and your guts on a table two weeks ago…it’s because he’s not stopped to have an ounce of empathy. Not to mention caring for a newborn. I was in so much pain the week after my c section. My husband only took a week off but if it’s taking you longer to heal, that’s totally understandable. I plan to request my husband take the full month of paid paternity leave offered by the state.

Prayers it works out! Don’t spend any time stressing or arguing. Take help from whomever can provide it…hopefully you have family members close by?


I think he’s being a Jerk!

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He is stepping up, he’s working for God sake. At least, he’s trying to. Also, do I need to mention that we are only getting one side of the story.
Some people need to work and its not always for the money. Everyone deals with their stress in different ways. We do not know what is actually happening in this home and should not immediately take sides.
Everyone is different, but remember you posted here for other people to give you advice (which is their opinion) if you or the other people don’t like what your being told then stay off social media. It sounds to me like you have help with your children and a man that is willing to work. You should appreciate what you do have, because he could be a dead beat parent.


Hugs I totally understand. However if he can make extra money then I’d let him. I have had six kids and found it’s more work when he’s home. The first week is good. After that I found it cleaner and less house work when he’s at work. And my rest time is my rest time instead of hanging out with him :woman_shrugging: Everyones experience is different. Hugs.


My husband only got to take off the day of my c section. I had to go home and take care of my newborn and my two toddlers, one of them with Spina Bifida and I didn’t have any help. It would be nice, of course, to have help but it doesn’t always work out that way. You are stronger than you think and you’ve got this! :two_hearts:


I can’t believe some of the responses on here. Having a baby is not easy and if she’s saying money isn’t an issue and they’ve discussed it then he did his own thing without telling her, that’s not okay. Hugs to you mama. I’m having a similar struggle right now, I work 2 jobs, 35 weeks pregnant and have my toddler by myself and my husband doesn’t do anything when he’s at home. Maybe reach out for some support over the phone during the day? Or maybe counseling? Sometimes just having someone to vent and listen to you helps ease the mind. Prayers to you!


What a piece of shit dad and husband.

I had my son, and was home within 24 hours tending my other 3 boys. Seven days later I cooked Easter dinner for over 30 people. He is doing his job as a dad and working to support his family. Do your job and be a mom. He’s damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t. He takes the time off, you would be on here complaining cause money is tight and he won’t go back to work.

I would let him watch both kids ALONE for a few hours while you go out and take a breather. He will soon see how difficult it is and appreciate you more.


It seems to me that something more is going on here weather he is having trouble adjusting to the new normal, your finances aren’t what they seem to be, or he’s not happy. I think you should look more into what’s going on at his end. Where his heads at, feelings, and goals. Then try to come up with a plan that works for the both of you.


So already 2 weeks post c-section? I see no reason why he should be missing work at this point. Handle your business. He’s supporting his family.