My Husband Refuses to Stay Home and Help with Our New Baby After I Had a C-Section: Advice?

Hire a nanny…a man

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He knows working at home with his kids and wife is the hardest job of all! That’s why he’s running the opposite direction! Unbelievable! I’m so sorry momma!! I’ve had 3 csections and totally get it!

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My kids are exactly one year apart. I too had a csection. Two of them actually. Anyhow my husband took off a week that was it. And he works 5 days a week. It’s totally doable. I also had 0 help. No living parents on either side and no close friends and family that I trust. Stop doubting yourself. My kids are also enormous hahaha and heavy. Newborns sleep ALOT. As for toddler and newborn keep a schedule a tight schedule. Maybe not for the newborn but for the toddler that’s my best advice.

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I personally did not need any help after birthing five babies but I’d never down a mama who does. If you agreed that he’d stay home and he chose not to without even telling you then I understand your frustration. Personally my man wouldn’t have any dinner made, clothes washed, or a bed to sleep in until he acted like a real man, a father, and a husband.

Invite your/his mother to stay for six months. That should cure him pretty quickly.

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My last c-section my husband could only take 3 days off and I had a new born, a 2yr old and a 4yr old.

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3 sections here​:eyes: except we couldn’t afford for him to not work. Only the day of and that was it. Luckily 2 were over a weekend where he was off while I was in the hospital. I had preeclampsia with all three so recovery was awful BUT After getting home I put my mom pants on took my ibuprofen and got it all done as normal. Struggled with ppd with all three as well but I just kept pushing. My youngest is 8 months and I still drive my older two to school daily as soon as I got home from the hospital and lived normally, keeping up with everything. He sounds like he just doesn’t want bothered and you should maybe seek counseling before it gets worse and resentment comes into play :heartpulse: but unless you literally can’t walk then you need to pick your pants up and own your mom power and push through it the best you can for those sweet babies​:heartpulse::heartpulse: I hope it gets better for you

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Since your not working and the sleepless nights I’m sure he is finding purpose and needing the feeling of being able to control one thing in his life. God forbid he work"". Girl at least he is working. It would have been a great discussion to have had before you all decided to have another kid. Present time ask family for help or hire a nanny. Its called care.com

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2 c- sections here. I kept hubby home for 2 weeks, after a week I was doing everything anyway and he was driving me nuts so I sent him back :rofl::joy:
Let him go to work, but leave the jobs that you can’t do for when he gets home and have him help then.

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Some dudes are not the hands on type. When he gets home hand him the honey do list- dishes, vacuuming… Stuff like that. my dude infuriates me, because he doesn’t help out with our kid or anything really. He does better when I have him do specific jobs like dishes and stuff. My dude is hella hands off. It’s hard.

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I think you’re overthinking the entire thing. My husband stayed home with me 2 weeks after my c-section and went back to work 10 hours a day, 6 days a week and then it turned into 12s. By choice. But he’s wanting to make money for us and our family. You seem overwhelmed and like you’re taking the situation in a wrong way. Men aren’t as hands on as we are either they’re providers and there’s nothing wrong with that. You need to try to look at the positive and what he DOES do for you. Like most people have said, think of the single mothers who literally do it ALL on their own, including working.

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Men are just like that. They cant sit still at home when there is work to be done. He is thinking of his job too.
The extra money does help never know when something pops up with fianaces. I had a c-section and a toddler at home too. Piece of cake!! I Didnt need help!! My toddler napped on the couch and there was no need to lift him.Changed his pullups on the floor and ate his lunches on a his booster seat near is play table. I would rather husband be gone. He. would drive me insane if he moated around all day. Plus he would eat all the groceries by snsvkong all afternoon

Ughhh.

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That’s just a man. They don’t come built the same as women for a reason. You should take it personally, or hold it against him forever. Say your peace, let him respond and move on. Don’t let it ruin your marriage, most likely you won’t remember the feelings of this by next year!

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My husband went right back to work the day after I left the hospital; not by choice just needed to financially wise. I had twins and a c-section. I had no family near by to help either. It was hard, but I made it through. Sit down and have a conversation with him if it’s bothering you this much. If he still doesn’t want to put his family first, than that’s a decision you need to make whether to stay or not. If he needs to go back to work due to money, then that a little understandable. If he’s choosing to work when he doesn’t need to be there, I would be upset too. Definitely a conversation that needs to be had.

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The fact that he doesn’t want to stay and spend time with his toddler and newborn really concerns me. Not that you can’t do it without him, some people don’t have a choice. But if he chooses not to stay home for you and the kids, you have some serious thinking to do about the future.

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I’m sorry you are dealing with this…Im also sorry there are so many c-section mums who have had this response from their partner! It is major surgery and it is totally his place to help at this point, even if there were money worries a newborn is hard work, even without section its hard to adjust to life with now 2 kids! Speak to him again, explain that you understand his regular hours and that in a few weeks you’ll be fine about extra but right now you need his support at home

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My husband was off for the day of my c-section. You need to drop whatever extreme standard of living you feel you need right now. You’ll get better each day and your toddler will learn to adjust to the new schedule with the baby. I’d save any extra time off he has for when you go back to work and have to use childcare. Kids often get sick during the initial transition. He can stay home at that time.

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My husband went back to work the day after we were released. I had 1 day of help. I had a 4 and 5 year old at home wasnt easy but I managed. Not everyone gets that time off

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If he won’t help you just make sure he cooks his own dinners and washes and irons his own clothes. You’ve enough to do. Good luck with your kids it will get easier as for your selfish hubby that’s a problem that can be solved in a few years

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Is this your first c-section I’m assuming? If it is he definitely needs to help especially with having a toddler. But for my second c-section my husband went back after two days but my family helped when they could. Since my son did a number on me. For my last c-section he stayed and helped which I was thankful for. But it was mainly for our son because he has autism. I was up and moving after my last c-section. I got to leave in two days. Walking helps alot. Also don’t pick up every day. There is no reason when your just gonna be picking up the same toys that will get put back in the same place. Try to get baby and toddler on the same sleeping schedule that will help alot.

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It’s possible to do it alone. I had 2 toddlers and a newborn who was a csection. My spouse was dealing with his dying father at the time, so he was gone a lot. But, it was fine. I did everything like normal except picking up things often. You got this.

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You just deal with it, I had no help from my husband either, he had to go to work the next day after my csection I had my daughter on a friday …

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He just doesn’t want to help parent the children he created.
What a grossly unsupportive "partner. "

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Without sounding super bitchy here…I’m just happy my husband will be able to take the week during delivery off. I’m fixing to have baby #5 (third csection)and at home have a 2 year old while helping my kindergartener, second grader, and sixth grader though virtual learning. We do not live near any family so there is no help watching kids if I even wanted it. Also my husband works third shift so even on his days off he is sleeping til the afternoon and I’m pretty much on my own during the day. Idk personally working seems like a priority for the family, if he was out with the guys or staying away from home for activities then yea I’d be mad but my husbands works so that I can stay home with our kids and not have to work🤷‍♀️ if he’s making work an excuse to not be around you and the kids then talk to him about it. Biggest road block in life is not communicating enough. If he’s just working because he’s stressed out (which men tend to get especially when they have another life to provide for) then let him work. If you actually have people or family that can help you then why not ask or let them help?

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Just think of single mothers doing this by themselves. He was already home for 2 weeks… That’s more than most husbands stay home if at all. You can do it. Just take it easy and don’t stress over it. Spend the time bonding with your littles and have him help more with housework for you.

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The 2 weeks of being at home all day with the toddler surely scared him off lol im not choosing sides but you seem very emotional just breathe and try to cope it cannot be that hard im speaking from experience my partner works non stop and he becomes extremely edgy when my 2 year old starts with her naughty streak mind you he loves spending time with her but it does get too much even for me… so relax girla and enjoy ur maternity

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Seriously??? Crap happens, stuff doesn’t always happen the way it was planned i seriously doubt ur husband is just dying to go to work why are u trying to make him look like such a bad guy by going to work and providing for ur family. Now if he’s not doing nothing then that’s a different story but that’s not what it sounds like to me.

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Me. Think differently than women. I’m guessing that even though you say that money isn’t the problem, I’d bet he is super concerned with the money. Men tend to have this feeling or need to provide for their family, and an additional body just entered your home. I’d talk to him about it voice your concerns, and needs. Hear his as well. Don’t forget to appreciate that you have him at all. Not all men stay home with their wives after a c-section, majority of them likely go back to work … I’d send my toddler to daycare or school as normal, I wouldn’t change his schedule if I could avoid it. Take the time to heal.

Yikes so sorry this is the way you are being treated by your husband, your family should always come first over work. I just had a hysterectomy and I couldn’t have managed without my husband staying home for first week and doing light duty afterwards for few weeks. It’s vital for you to heal properly and with just having a baby the hormones. I really feel for you. I would ask other family if they can help but definitely have a discussion with your husband that this is not ok and you being put last is really messed up!!!

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I’m sorry your going through this! Trust me it sucks! My second was a c section and it was hard with my husband working. But took advantage of other people helping because I and he knew that if he were to “help” I would get more annoyed. They are no help they are bigger babies than the ones you give birth to. So take it from someone that has 3 kids and a cat and got a puppy in the middle of all this!! Dont ask him for help. If you need help, get someone that you can rely on and there is no emotional connection with.

I had a 14month old and a c-section he had to return to wirk due to financial reasons. We made it work just got down on the floor with our 14month old and the baby. You children are resilient and it will not effect them if you cannot pick them up for a few weeks. It’s tough but you can do this. Husband part you’ll have to talk to HIM. If he still chooses work. Then you have to decide if that is the kind of support you want in your relationship! It’s not easy but you can do it!!!

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Maybe he’s just being a man and thinking about providing in the way that he knows he can

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As a man it’s his “job” to help pay bills and work. He’s doing what men are generally hardwired to do and that’s take care of their family, by working. Just as it’s a woman’s “job” to take care of the kids at home. He’s not doing anything to try to make things harder on you, financially now you might not need him working but in the future you might and you don’t want to be stuck when that time comes. I say he’s really not in the wrong. He could have let you know, but what would you have done? Sounds like you would have just argued with him…

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He clearly doesn’t wanna help and use work as excuse. I am so sorry for you. He needs to go to therapy. He will end up alone. I don’t think anyone can put up with a situation like that

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:woman_shrugging: my husband was deployed 4 days after my second section (with my oldest was 16 months) and deployed before my 3rd was even born (and was gone until my child was 2 months old). You deal :woman_shrugging:.

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He is being selfish and is choosing work because it’s easier! You need support, he needs to step up!

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Wow. He isn’t exactly demonstrating that he knows the responsibilities of being a dad and husband. This is awfully tough for you.
Perhaps you could send him a video of a c-section and the healing that you must undergo.

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If it’s because he needs to financially it’s one thing. But if it’s because he chooses not to help or make the family a priority then you should question why you’re with him. Try counseling. See what his feelings are regarding having a family and priorities above himself.

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Ummmm, he took off 2 weeks. That is plenty. I told my husband to go to work when i came home.

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I just had a section about 10 weeks ago. Baby number 6. I only stayed 2 days in the hospital and I did it all. You can do it just take it slow. Your lucky with the 2 weekS. Also I wouldn’t say he’s not thinking of your family. Hes wanting to provide for your family that money you have now will not last forever. Be Fortunate some of us are not that lucky.

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Look if he don’t want to u can’t make him, he has already said he’s them changed his mind . Some men just can’t deal with the home and child life , not that that’s ok but nothing u can force on him.

Ask for help from other family mother in law ? Or send toddler to nursery if money is not an issue or home nanny .

Make it easy for urself now and once u have recovered and heeled then think deeply about what it is in life u want . Also try and talk to him , men also suffer form post birth issue now as they have no clue what’s coming then smash it’s all a lot for them too … some men are good and others not so good at all this dad stuff .

But first off look after urself and kids , take time and then think of next steps in life xx

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I wasted 11 years with a be man who never helped with 3 kids and always chose to work but he chose to work out of town or outa state he even left to work when I was in labor and got pissed off at me when I was in labor another time bc he had to drive 2 hours to get home I feel for you

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You’ll be fine. My husband took a week off and honestly I couldn’t wait for him to go back to work. He just got in my way haha I have 4 under 6 and all were c sections. I made it. Just take care of the kids and yourself. Everything else can wait.

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My husband was useless the one day he stayed home after my csection. I have 4 kids the last 2 were c sections, they are stair stepped. Take a deep breath, and leave the laundry for him to do when he gets home.

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I had a c section with my twins and had 4 other children at home ( at the time they were 10 years with adhd, 9, 4 and 2 ). my partner could only have a week off and had to go back to work and I managed with no other help and even had to do school runs 3 times a day as my daughter was just starting primary school. If you take it steady you will be fine

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I’m a single mum of two I totally understand what the other people are saying I had a c section with my second child they wouldn’t let me out of hospital unless a family member stayed at mine with me for 6 weeks … I landed with someone spending 6 months with me because I did something silly I went to the toilet and my kids was in the room with the safety gate on my eldest who was 2 at the time managed to actually get out of the safety gate and as I had the bathroom door open so I could hear them since my mum was down stairs I screamed for my mum and then had to grab my child to stop him from nearly falling down the stairs and nearly ripped my stitching I was bleeding where my stitching was so had to get it checked out the stitching was ok … My point I am making is that even if someone is there they can’t prevent everything … And you got to talk to him about it or maybe get a trusted family member to help out when he can’t maybe explain to him they needs to be some sort of balance and a plan

I just had a csection 3 weeks ago tomorrow my husband took a week off after to “help” if u want to consider sleeping the whole time helping, just do the best you can take care of you and the kids you will be alright you should be ok to lift the more you move and do stuff the faster recovery is

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2 csections down, we couldnt afford for him to miss any work, and the job he has, he was the only one that could do it (maintenance man at nursing home) we also had custody of his older two. I had my mom stay with me for two days after i was discharged, then it was me all day with a 5 yr old, 3 yr old, 1 yr old, and the baby. It wasnt easy at all, but i had to do it. Otherwise it wouldnt have been done. Men dont usually enjoy the baby stages. Once they get to the fun stages (past the toddler stage) is when they come around. Sadly at that point, were already past our breaking points. Stay strong momma! Just know those babies love you and in their eyes, YOU are their whole world. The best thing to do to recover, is walk. Walk walk walk. As much as possible. It will help tremendously after a day or two

So he will need to pay someone to help you. Having a c-section is a serious surgery. Even having a child naturally, I could barely walk for the first 3 weeks. My baby’s father went back to work after a week. After that, my baby spent a lot of time crying/self soothing because I was in too much pain to move, but he refused to take his leave. I physically could not take care of the child 100%, she got what she had to have, bare minimum until I was physically able to do more. You just do what you are capable of. That’s all.

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So let me get this straight…your husband took off 2 weeks after you had the baby and is now working 3/4 days a week and you’re complaining? My boyfriend went back to work 3 days after our son was born and 2 of them were his days off. He is providing for the family and probably stressing about the fact that a 3rd person was added for him to provide for not including himself. You sound highly selfish in this post.

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This is an easy one, as $$$ is not a problem, hire a nanny & a housekeeper until you recover from the C-Section. You did not say if you were employed. If so, I would keep the nanny full time. Maybe spending some of this extra $$$ will wake him up. If not, you could try a counselor, but it sounds like his job is more important Thant his family.

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Tell him to go. Seriously. As you say ou Don’t need the money so why on earth would he not be putting you first. Something is not right with this. You need to tell him so. Good luck your be surprised at how strong you are, he is weak and clearly can not cope with responsibility other then work. There is more to a marriage and family life. He needs to think and grow up

My partner needed to work but luckily i had family around,it was my 2nd ceasar so i basically didnt need him around to assist but the moment he was home he took over even the midnight feeds would only wake me for nappy changes.

We dont know his side of the story so its hard to judge and to tell it how it is etc…
But why dont you get a nanny?
Or send toddler to daycare?
Or any family that will be able to assist?
If money is not the issue then it can pay for these services.

Are you sure Money is no issue?? Children are expensive however much you budget (still worth every penny to sacrifice though) plus looking after each other and the household bills. Might be more financial pressure on him than he’s letting on and he’s trying to take every opportunity to earn money to provide for you all… Is that a possibility?? There is the other possibility that Men can get Post Natal Depression too… Perhaps he might find another Baby overwhelming for him even though the Mother does all the psyical as well as emotional stuff… Sit down and tell him how you’re feeling… Its a hell of alot with a newborn and recovering from C-Section , try and understand what’s going on in his head too… There’s absolutely nothing wrong with needing outside help while your husband is busy providing for your family plus with Christmas not too far away he will probably want extra Pennies . I dunno what area you’re in but if you speak to social work they can put you in touch with home help volunteers who can come and help you out with lifting stuff, bathing the little one… My friend had one while her partner was at work and this volunteer was a retired trained nurse, she even did the hoovering and shopping. Might be worth looking into to ease the pressure off you. Good luck.

He is totally in the wrong you should be resting after a c section and he should be helping and to not tell you upfront it’s totally out of line . Unfortunately it’s not going to be easy to get him to understand this , is there someone who could mediate ( possibly one of his family) . If this still doesn’t work chose the person you like best and ask them to stay with you for a bit you would at least then get the help and support you and your babies need. I hope your ok x

Had a c section with both - did laundry, swept and cleaned the house the day after going home from hospital. and all while taking on my toddler and newborn on my own. Nooot easy but do-able.

and had a new “on call position” three weeks after having my c section.

You do it
You handle it
You get it done
Husband or no husband.

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I have 4 kids. My boyfriend " not my children’s father " is amazing! I was in the hospital for 5 days and he never left my side. They were bringing him meals and my parents stopped by the house and brought him clothes so he could shower. Now mind you mine are 19, 17, 14 & 6 so the older two had everything under control at home.

Honestly, microwave meals, potty training with pull ups, and Elmo are what helped me the first few weeks when I had my daughter. Her brother turned 2 2 months before she was born

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Wow I had my c section and went straight back to work closed the shop so I could go feed my baby who was still in the hospital ,my husband didn’t get time off work for any of our babies all c section ,home from hospital and straight back into it .

you know what i would dump on the compost heap he would rather work and help his family what sort of person is he he wants his cake and eat it 9am to 9pm i would look into that nobody in their right mind works that long when his wife has had a baby naturally never mind a c section money or no money i had seven children and each time my husband took his holidays from work to attend ourr needs xxx

Call him at work and make him come home? Is there anyone else who can come and stay with you for a few days? Last resort just do the best you can on your own…take care of just you and your little ones and don’t do anything else. I had a csection and it wasn’t a option for my husband to be home…I just took care of little ones by myself while healing and didn’t have help or support…I remember crawling to kitchen to get something…and my 2 year old stayed close so I could watch her…terribly exhausting and harder to recover it was rough…

Sit and have convo both kids i had a c section n I didn’t have any help it is hard but sometime we can’t control what others do. Do what needs too b done or wait till he gets home. My mom came down for two weeks but she had too leave bcuz she wasn’t helping me at all she caused more stress n problems then she did with helping me. My fiance couldn’t take the time off work too help me its never easy but sometimes us moms have too suck it up and push through

That’s not cool. If you two both agreed at first, then he just ups and decides WITHOUT TALKING TO YOU that he is going to be working and refused to help? Red flag. I hope he isn’t already setting the tone for how it will be in the future! When I had my daughter, I also had a c-section. My son was 6 at the time, so he was able to do things for himself, but my fiance had to go to work. He didn’t get ‘time off’ and I didn’t have anyone else to help out either. So I get where you’re coming from. He did help out when he got home though.

I’m sure lots of ladies will disagree (I hope they do!) but honestly, I have found husbands - mine included - to be generally appalling at a) either looking after you when you are sick/recovering b)taking responsibility for the day to day of looking after children. I’m not considering any SAHM division of labour personal politics, both my husband and I work full time in similar jobs. 100% I am lead parent and always expected to be, recovering or not. This goes for childbirth, surgeries, sickness. It p*sses me off so much. I am tying to bring my son up to not be like that but you know I’m not sure if it’s nature or nuture :rofl:

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Some men are like that… You said he has someone to watch the toddler? Are they are your house watching them and helping you? I was in a different state my husband had his sister fly out to help while he was at work. Or let him pay for him if he doesn’t want to help but you do need help and time to heal.

Hire help with his money. If he’d rather work then help you, his money can go to pay for someone to help you.

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I feel guys just don’t understand when it comes to how we just need them after having a child. They see it as well every woman has done it and so it’s not a big deal. I don’t think they realize how much pain we’re in. I’m sorry. I’m praying for you tho and to him to become more understanding and loving at this time. Atleast he’s giving you an option for someone else to watch your other child rather than just leaving you to do it all yourself.

Have you actually asked if he is ok and copeing with newborn because men get postnatal aswell. I went back to work 4 days after a classical c section. Just do what you can manage and if the washing has to wait a day don’t worry.

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Sorry to hear that I’ve had 2 ovarian surgeries and hysterectomy also 2 kids never a c section with either one he was home just the days in the hospital back to work once I was home for surgeries and births I understand the frustration since he told you one thing and did another just sit and talk to him it’s a lot
On a marriage

Get rid. 1. He is not i terested in being part of a family unit. His behaviour will continue…

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We also tend to forgot that our men go through ups and downs after the baby. Maybe try talking to him about how he’s feeling are you overwhelmed with the newborn what’s up. Men have strange ways of dealing with shit. As much as we are mums and we go through alot during after birth our men emotionally do to. I have had 3 babies 3 years in a row and we have 5 children older than them. I found after our 7th he kind of ran out the door became disconnected. At first I was like man wtf. But then decided the wtf approach wasnt working and simply asked him “bruh what’s up” took a bit of convincing but he soon opened up explained he felt useless at home eveything was full on work was an escape and he felt like he was doing something productive that’s hes good at. Kind of needed a pep talk. Just because we have 7 doesn’t mean it’s anymore harder with 2.

I don’t wanna start anything but this reads as suspicious to me. He’s lying about something- whether it’s financial, his intentions, or him being “at work”. Something isn’t adding up sis. I think you have every right to know exactly what his reasons and motives are, and to participate in the conversation about him being away while you are in need. You are his partner and the mother of his children. I don’t understand these comments telling you to just be grateful and endure it. Your babies need you at your strongest and healthiest! Demand what you need from that man. Providing as a father is about more than just money

I can understand why you’re frustrated. You must be tired and ofcz in pain. It’s natural for your emotions to be all over too. Only advice I can give is, have faith in yourself, believe that you can do this without your husband’s help. If you have friends and families who are available to give a helping hand, take it without a second thought. Enjoy your baby and children, when hubby comes home try to relax and talk normally with him without sharing any distress. He must be having his own stresses and is probably overwhelmed too. Your good nature and behaviour towards him when he returns from work, may allow him to feel differently and who knows he will then himself volunteer. Men are very different, when we ask alot, especially in a complaining way, they run away from those problems. But when they see us coping well, their soft spot is triggered. With some men, we have to talk to them and request them like we would with a child.

Well I guess if he rather other people look after u he not doing his responsibility and part of being father and husband should I guess if he not interested and can’t stand being around you and ur children then it time to pack his bags and tell him he can leave because that not fair to u or ur children deserve much more respect

He should be helping you. End of story. I bet if he had a surgery he would ask you to stay home and help him. I don’t understand men.

Call your mom, his mom, your best friend etc… find a local preschool that offers mothers morning out for at least half days. Check with local churches… When he gets home, leave the kids with him for an hour and go get your toe nails painted and bring home a to go dinner. Try not to be mean to him… he is doing what he feels the need to do. Take them pain pills girlfriend as prescribed but maybe at the max limit you’re allowed to take without causing harm, again as prescribed… It will help you be able to get up and move around better.

Your body is capable of more than you think. My husbands job literally only allows him 3 days nothing more. And that is the 3 days in hospital. I had to cope with a newborn and an almost 2 year old. Mothers do it everyday. The sooner you get on your feet the sooner your body will adapt and heal.

I had 2 boys all by myslef… my bf took the 3 days off for my c section and the next day went back to work… we can have our 3rd any day now and planning to do the same thing…but it doesn’t bother me I get to spend time with my kids and getting up doing stuff by myslef helps heal faster

I can’t give you advice on your husband, but I will tell you that you will be okay. Accept any help offered and have faith in yourself. I am a single mom and currently pregnant. Both had to be c-sections. The only family I have left is my dad but he is 1600 miles away from me. Yes, it is hard, but I promise you will be okay and in my opinion, when you accept it and show yourself how strong you are, it will be easier because you’re not upset. Whatever the outcome, I wish you the best and your kiddos

Then when he gets home from work hand the kids off to him while u go and relax for a bit and if he complains then say u choose work yes but when u get home from work don’t think ur getting out of helping me with the kids or housework… Just keep handing off the kids to him before he goes and after he goes to work then maybe he will get the picture to help more…

Now that everyone has probably made this lady feel like shit… this is my opinion.

  1. Don’t take advice from strangers.
  2. Find your support system and lean on them (emotionally and whatever else is able)
  3. Pray, pray, pray. God can move moments and the heart of man. And He can cover and guide you through this storm. How many kids I have and my family is not the point. And I’d also turn off the comments on this page because they definitely can’t be helping your situation. You are not crazy, you are a blesses mama with beautiful kids and this too shall pass. Sending prayers and positivity your way. :two_hearts:

I was so glad to be home alone. Hubby only had a couple days off when I had either of our boys. The only time I really needed help was if I needed to lift the older of the two boys (they are 16 months apart, now 8&9 yrs old). I felt much better being up and keeping busy after I came home with them.

My husband did the same thing when my son was born…we divorced later on because his job was ALWAYS more important than his family.

I mean I know it’s hard, but I came home on a Friday and my husband went back to work Sunday. She’s 3 weeks old now and I have two others and have just had to manage. I think you’re pretty lucky to have had him for the time you did. Maybe just have him help out with cooking/cleaning while you take care of the babies. I’m sorry he has the option to stay home and isn’t. That must be really irritating.

I almost died from my first C-Section. I had my mother in law for a few weeks after delivery. Then I was on my own. 6 months later I had back surgery and the next day I was placed on the floor with my 6 month old and everything we needed for the day so my husband could go to work. Fast forward 3 years and another C-Section and it comes out that my husband had severe anxiety being with a baby. He didn’t trust that he would know what to do if the baby would cry.

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I broke up with my boyfriend over this exact reason … if our son and I wasn’t a priority to him being with me and this relationship wasn’t either ,he just visits are son whenever he feels like it :woman_shrugging: im my son’s main parent and I do everything for him and his father just made his self just a paycheck… money is important but so is time , I done begging this man to step up

Do not depend on him at all. You find some one that can come in day to day and give you a hand. If you have to work with the toddler. Make that child lay on the floor. Anything you have to work with that involve water or baby formula do set the things in place one at a time. Keep phone numbers handy for emergency help, do not let any one take your toddler away or out of sight. You can make it.

Wow some of these comments are horrible. If she feels she needs the support she needs the support. Who cares if you did it on your own, or single mothers that do it on their own. Not everyone copes well and needs that support. I’m in week 5 and I’ve had a rough time adjusting to life with two kids and after a c section also, physically I was good to go after 2 weeks but mentally I needed the support and I am not ashamed of it. We should be lifting this woman up not tearing her down.

Change the locks . Sue him for the extra money to hire someone to help care for his child. When he grows up and wants to be a partner then talk about him coming back. Thats just ignorant and rude.

I’m pregnant and my bf already offered to take a few wks off when the baby is born but if he changed his mind or cut it short and went back to work after a couple days I wouldn’t be bothered by it.

Get a friend to help, better yet a boy friend to help. Find someone to be the example of what he’s not. I find help or hire help when my husband doesn’t want to do it, like fix plumbing or electrical issues. Why is this any different? Find or hire a hire a helper. Nothing makes my husband angrier or more jealous then when I hire or recruit someone else to do something he should of been doing himself. Especially if that someone is a STEAMING HOT RIPPED YOUNG STUD :wink::rofl::woman_shrugging:

Gosh I didnt even have help for two weeks. With my 1st c-section I was on my own after a week. For my second, I was driving my other child to and from school 25 miles away within 4 days of my c-section. I think 2 weeks is sufficient help.

With my youngest he was suppose to take 2 weeks off but it didn’t go to plan… but I had help as I had 4 kids under 5… he was always a message or phone call away if I got upset which worked for us… it’d about adapting to what is in front of you… don’t stress the small stuff and be gray he’s got a job to support you guys!

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Yeah, many of us did it with toddlers and a newborn. My first I did it while my husband worked. My 2nd I did it while he worked. Both c sections. It ain’t easy but by week 3 you should be moving around decently well.

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I had my 2nd c section, it was also my 4th pregnancy and I had 5 kids at home. My husband could only afford to take a couple days off but couldn’t take more days off because we needed the money. My mom took a week off from her work and helped me the first 3 days of the wk and the last 2 she took them for her own personal use. I had to sort of juggle all 5 kids, one of whom was my newborn, and my c section. Somehow I felt the 2nd c section was even more painful and took way longer to heal. Looking back I don’t know how I did. You’re a zombie at that stage and it is super super hard when you have other little ones at home. At that time, my oldest was 3, my 2nd was 2, and my twins were 1. I don’t remember sleeping much. I got a lot of help from my toddlers and the rest I was just winging it. Now 8 months later, it’s remained a challenge but you just sort of take it and try to develop a routine that works best. Sleep as much as you can, do a lot of frozen dinners and keep hydrated. Hang in there. You got this! :muscle::heart:

If a man loves you truly. He would not be working this much. I believe he sees what a job it is. And decided to go back to work. Sounds like your hands are full. I would tell him your going to get a live in nanny to help. Being he doesn’t want to help. Sorry for saying anything that might make trouble. But some men are not meant to be good dad’s. I know that now been there done that. Mine didn’t work. Just ran around with his friends. Praying for you. And those babies :heart::pray:t3:

I was literally on my feet after & doing what I had to do , my bf had to work to make ends meet & I wasn’t paying anyone to help me cause people some sort of money for helping , I had 5 C-Setions , I was on my feet and doing the cleaning n cooking at 2 day post op , my bf help in the night to feed our kids , but u have to move around just not carry anything to heavy :two_hearts: hang in there Mama

I was in a lot of pain still at 2 weeks because I ws doing too much even then… a toddler and a new born.

You will be fine just make it as easy as possible for yourself. It would be nicer for him to have a eeek when baby is doing something more than sleeping xx

My husband went to work while I was in labor, when it came close came to the hospital then baby was born went back to work and finished his day, only day he took off was the day he bought us home, it was like this for all four except the first child

It seems like you are feeling that your feelings are not being validated by your partner (when you feel like you need him more than ever). And that has continued in many of the comments you have received - which is a shame. You have a right to feel whatever it is you are feeling about this. I can understand that you might take his actions as a sign that he doesn’t make you or the kids the priority (which can be heartbreaking to feel). You both need to talk to each other about how you are feeling - and start to empathize and understand where the other person is coming from. Open and honest communication all the way. Best of luck with it all.