My Husband Refuses to Stay Home and Help with Our New Baby After I Had a C-Section: Advice?

I don’t have advice but i know how hard it is. I had my baby in august and his dad had to go back to work the day after I had the baby :unamused:
For whatever reason my leave of absence from work wasn’t “approved” so I went almost 2 months without pay and at that time he was the only one with an income so we really didn’t have a choice
I had a 3 year old at home, this was my 2nd csection, and all my family lives in a different state. I pretty much had to suck it up and do everything on my own if I wanted to keep a roof over my kids and my head :woman_shrugging:t4:
It was tough but my 3 year old was happy eating cereal and eggs and snacks here and there for the first week when I didn’t have the energy or strength to do much else

Pack ur things and go stay by your mums till u heal! Leave him at home and let him see to himself! I am sure you will be able to relax at your mums place! And the toddler will be seen to! 2 weeks is not enough for u to heal u need at least a month for ur body to heal!

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He’s freaking selfish he’s not a husband he’s probably seeing someone else is what it is

Was he like this with your first kid?

I wouldn’t look at it as he’s not taking you and your family as a priority I think by him working extra and being responsible he is making you guys a priority making sure that he’s making enough money to help support you guys with a second child and I understand believe me it’s difficult but that’s where teamwork comes in you know he’s working extra to provide for the children and for you to be home and you’re home with the kids to make sure that the kids are taken care of and honestly I would just do what you can don’t overexert yourself if he’s able to help with some things you didn’t accomplish when he gets home then he can help with that but I don’t think that he’s pushing it off as he doesn’t care about you or the kids now if he was going off and partying or spending time with friends completely ignoring you in an abusive way and not partaking in responsibility then yeah I would be upset but honestly be grateful that your husband is actually willing to work extra to help support you guys

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I had 2 C sections and my husband didn’t stay home with me 1 day hell he even left the hospital to go snow plowing while I was in labor. He was there to see all our children be born an to bring us home from the hospital but that was it.

Not sure why you are complaining. I had family help me while my daughters dad worked bc we could afford for him not to. I had an emergency c-section and died on the table (of course they brought me back) I got an infection so bad I went septic bc the doctors wouldn’t do my c-section sooner they let me labor for 3 days after breaking my water. Just be thankful hes working and bringing in money. Honey hate to say it but you sound ungrateful

I can see this from both points of view. Some things can be quite difficult to do on your own post c-section but husbands could also be feeling the need to provide for you and the baby right away, which means they have to go to work. Unfortunately I had some complications and ended up back in the hospital and thankfully my husband was home for that. I think people need to realize they can do it on their own too, as much as the extra help is nice. My husband works 5+ hours away from home, 12 hour days 7 days a week. He works for about a month and comes home for 3-4 days. Be thankful if your husband comes home every night. The extra help, even if it’s just doing chores around the house while you care for baby, is wonderful but it is also doable on your own. You will start to feel better every day and once you settle into a routine it’ll be so much easier! and less stressful! There was a lot I couldn’t quite do on my own after my c-section, but just take it slow and accept any help from family, friends or even neighbours.

Choose what makes you happy. You also need to remember this is a tough time for you as your body is changing. Making decisions now might be rash. Been married 25 years and sometimes I thought my partner wasn’t being the partner I thought he should be when all along he was just trying to figure it out just like me. Life isn’t always perfect to be honest this is the easy part. Teenagers are a whole new kind of hell. Good luck and remember to take it one day at a time.

I feel bad that you are going through this and you seem to be quite stuck on what actions to take. maybe my opinion doesn’t matter because I’m not even a mother yet I am currently trying to conceive and I am almost 2 months into my marriage as well, but I have already explained to my now husband because he also has the mindset that since I don’t work and he does, he doesn’t have to do anything around the house even on days that he doesn’t work and I’ve already told him that if he doesn’t lift a finger to help me watch our future children then there’s going to be no more us. he should be wanting to put in that effort too seeing that he’s the one that gave me a child so I really don’t understand how any man can be quite selfish in that matter especially for a woman who has had a C-section or even natural birth. both parents need to be connected with the children at all times no matter the cost because you bet that when these men get sick and have even the slightest little sniffle in their noses, they’re going to want to be held up in their bed wanting you to weigh hand and foot on them when they can’t even change a baby’s diaper for you while you are healing. I do think it’s bull crap for any guy to be like that because even if you haven’t said the vows in marriage for sickness and in health till death do us part if you give a woman a child and she gives birth to that child it is your responsibility to help take care of her and the child you helped create…:woman_shrugging:t3:

If money’s not a problem and he says other people can help then hire a maid and a mothers helper. Some people dont have that option.

I think he is selfish. Of all the times you need him the most he doesn’t give you support. He should be ashamed.

Mine didn’t after any of mine. And my second c section was with twins. We had a 3 year old already.

My husband had no option but to go back after his 2 weeks paternity he had no holiday entitlement left due to using them up for my many appointments so he could watch our other 3 children , they wouldn’t allow unpaid leave in any case and his wage is our only source of income. Im currently nearly 3 weeks post section and still fighting off an infection, juggling a newborn and a toddler, plus 2 school age children, unable to drive, no support bubble due to me being extremely clinically vulnerable to covid and none of my family sheilding so unable to help me. I also have to do all of the cooking, cleaning, making appointments, homeschooling. Its a constant struggle but most people only have their partner home for the first 2 weeks, his attitude clearly sucks if he’s working more than his contracted hours to and you don’t need the money but maybe he’s struggling to adjust to having a newborn in the house and is making excuses to not be home. A lot of men feel a bit put out by a baby as you are focusing on them instead of your partner, especially if they don’t bond with the child immediately. All I can suggest is that when he is home you encourage him to bond with the baby, maybe ask him to watch them while you have a shower or something so you are getting time to care for yourself and he has no option but to spend time with the children.

Well, dicks are easy to find. Get a new one with a brain and a heart.

He obviously isn’t into the whole family thing…if family is what you’re looking for then look somewhere else…hes choosing to not spend time with you.

Your husbsnd is a workaholic, you should have recognized this by now. No more children if you have to do it alone. As I suspect you will be doing many things alone while he works.

Leave him he sounds like a piece of shit

Don’t listen to those who say walk out,respect your marriage and his feelings too and maybe he can’t handle the newborn situation, I come from the generation where you had to get on with things as no paternity leave for fathers, It may be he feels more of a provider but you both need to talk, and by two weeks you do need to be up and about just avoid all the things that require heavy lifting, leave those jobs for him, remember we woman are made of strong stuff!

You just brought back memories of my marriage. Reading this, clarified in my head that we endure things that we shouldn’t. He has the opportunity to help you and is choosing not too. That speaks a lot. And yes this could be overwhelming for him but it’s what a man is supposed to do, nowhere does it say your supposed to go at it alone. Trust yourself, you are not crazy.

You need to tell him how you feel. Men don’t know how much we go through. With my 1st child my husband did not put in leave to be with me. He left me in the theatre to do something urgent at work. I felt abandoned. I was lucky my mom came a day after my c section and stayed for a full month.
With my 2nd, I explained to him how I felt previously and he understood. He took a month off from work. I think more so bcos of COVID-19 and my mom could not travel bcause our town was on strict Lockdown. He was really there for us.
Pls talk to him and make him understand.

Then take the baby to his workplace with a bottle and napkins and leave it with him. Has he not heard of parental leave?

If money isn’t a problem doesn’t sound like he was ready for family life or 2 kids close in n age…

If you have other family ir friends, his mother come over and help, especially while he’s there and without him knowing. Or call your insurance and ask for in home care, you should be eligible. If not , look for a nanny , and hope you don’t need a lawyer, as I would get a bat and start breaking stuff then kick his butt out. You can’t be here, or help when you are, you don’t deserve me or the kids.