We got into an argument tonight. I asked him to make the baby a bottle while i go to the store for him and i come back and the baby still didnt have a bottle. Im mad at this point. Trying to get him to help me with the baby is frustrating because i have to basically beg him to change a diaper or make a bottle or hold him and i end up having to do it. So. Tonight i told him that he needs to help me with the baby more. He told me he does by bringing money into the house. (im a sahm) He then tells me i don’t do enough. He told me that he has to clean the house every weekend and that i don’t do anything, even though i cleaned the kitchen, our bedroom, front room, one of the bathrooms while taking care of the baby yesterday, plus move furniture. He then told me he shouldnt have to clean. I told him im not a maid and since he lives here too, he can help on his days off. He acts like i do nothing all day. I tried to explain to him that taking care of a baby is a lot of work and it doesnt help that as soon as i get something clean, its ruined within a few hours later because he wont pick up after himself. He then argued again saying he works and thats enough. Is he right? Should a man who works 5 days a week not help out with the baby or around the house? Am i not doing enough? What are your thoughts about this? Should i be the only one to clean the house, cook, and take care of the baby alone? i am tired of the arguments and feeling like what i do is never enough.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband said I do not do enough as a SAHM - Mamas Uncut
Being a SAHM is one of the HARDEST, most unappreciated jobs on the planet! He absolutely should help when he is home! Especially with HIS BABY! You deserve a break! He gets to leave work!!!
Fellas, being the head of the HOUSEHOLD means work, duty, and great responsibility. The head of the HOUSEHOLD is the one responsible for everything that happens in the FAMILY…. You cannot enjoy the privileges of HEADSHIP and not be willing to shoulder the responsibilities that come with it. You can’t franchise, subcontract or outsource your HUSBAND responsibilities and not hurt your WIFE and MARRIAGE…. You are accountable to God for the physical and spiritual welfare of your FAMILY…. Make your WIFE life easier by carrying all your responsibilities dutifully…. Your WIFE was not created to play her role and yours at the same time…… Your WIFE should not live like a widow while you are still alive….You are the CEO, you are the Priest, Provider and Protector of the family. Therefore be involved. Be present. Take charge. Work hard. Pray, plan and execute. Remember your wife is your “suitable helper” not the other way round. Let your wife thank God that she is married to you.
Just dump the man an be independent cause at this point there ain’t hope.
Sounds like you are in a very toxic relationship. Sounds like you are doing everything alone as it is and he doesn’t really have an interest past money contributing which let’s be honest can be done from anywhere. You need to decide what is best for you.
No babe sounds like you guys just need to work together and selfishness has no place In marriage. He needs to help you with what you ask and viscera. Always try to out do each other in kind acts when you can . You are enough he’s just frustrated and tired and you both are
Weekdays I 100% handle the kids and house. But weekends it’s fair game. Usually nothing to do since I did everything all week though lol
When you have a child you care for it. Period. He should not have to be told to hold the baby, make bottles or change diapers. Idgaf how much he works, parenting isn’t something you just do as you please. There’s no clocking out. The fact that you came home and he still hadn’t made the baby a bottle seriously disturbs me 
You are not in the wrong here and you do plenty. He needs to be more helpful as a husband and father.
Absolutely not. He helped create the baby and when he is home and or off he should be helping and me and my husband got into the same exact argument only I have 4 kids and one on the way song in total and it doesn’t do any good for me to clean when the kids go back and mess it up 6 min after I clean it’s really a never ending story but best wishes to you and your family
It’s literally your job to stay home. He works you don’t suck it up
My kids fsther said almost the exact same thing to me when they were little humans, I packed my shit and left, never looked back. If I am going to be a single mother, then I am going to do it on my terms not with a grown ass man to feed, pickup and clean after… best decision I ever made… here I am 20 yes happy with the life I learned to make for myself n children
That is some bs, you didn’t make this baby yourself either. Regardless of anything, he should be helping you 50/50.
You guys are a team. Supposed to work together, not separately. I absolutely believe you should have some help. Maybe give him mediocre chores to do, working 5 days a week is tiring I’m sure, but not as tiring as us stay at home moms! We don’t get to clock out and relax! We’re in it 24/7 365! You def need help with the baby. Do you have family that can help give you a break every now and then until you guys can settle an agreement? If so I think you should do that, it seems you might also be very burnt out and need some me time too! Good luck mama!
You’re a stay at home mom. Not a stay at home maid. Taking care of kids is a full time job. Cleaning doesn’t really factor into it, esp when they’re small.
So, he wants to be your 2nd child?
And you are married to him why?
He’s disrespectful and a bad father. Personally, I’d tell him that as I handed him divorce papers. 
He can’t be the head of the house if he doesn’t invest time and love into said house.
So important team as working together gives more time to enjoy together ! Hang in there …
I’m sure if you had a job outside the home you would still be doing everything else so he needs to suck it up and help. You didn’t make the baby alone so he needs to be a parent not just a pay check.
I would not think about having more kids with him some women are never appreciated expecally after having kids some people only see the value in money not a home life your not alone in this situation
Gurl…leave hz AZZ soon as he walk thru tha door…I b leaving out!!!
I’m so sorry, that’s terrible of him. Can’t even feed his own kid while u run to the store.
You’re not his mother. Worry about your things and the babies things. Then you’ll have “more time” to pick up the house around his messes. That baby comes first.
Sounds just like my husband and I am taking care of 3 kids Under 3 !!
Mine works 6 days a week and is still willing to help when I ask. I don’t normally ask very often because he literally works from 7am till 8-9pm sometimes even later. He’s a delivery driver and has crazy hours. Anyways, when I do ask he will do it. Although, I do most of the house chores since I’m a stay at home mom to 3 boys ages 5,3,&2. And I’m 6 months pregnant. I ask help with little things like helping me fold laundry or him taking out the trash. Everything else I do by myself including everything for the kids.
Go out of town and leave the baby with him for a week
Be glad you have a husband!!!
Some men absolutely are not comfortable with babies, maybe even children - accept that and you will both be happier - I promise.
It’s only going to get worse. Start looking for your options. He sounds like a real piece of work. Right out of the stone ages.
OK, unpopular opinion, JUST STOP DOING IT! only do what is needed for you and the baby. and do it for 1 whole week. while he is at work. then on the weekend continue it while he is home and when he says hes hungry or asks anything to do with what you normally do, just tell him hes got hands, feet and a brain he can do it. your his wife not his mom.
Switch places for a week or so. Most father’s don’t realize how much a sahm does until they’re a sahd and the mother is the bread winner.
To be honest it’s all about what you want in a relationship/partnership. Do you want someone that puts EVERYTHING in the home on you because you are a SAHM? If not, then this relationship isn’t for you. I’m a SAHM and my fiancee makes breakfast, wash clothes and anything else he sees I need assistance with. He recognize be a SAHM is alot AND he loves me and says he wants to be sure I am a sane Momma for our children and partner for him. There is someone out there that will give you ALL.of the desires of your heart. PLEASE DON’T SETTLE or you will settle FOREVER in this relationship.
Here you are typing novels, don’t you have some housework? 
He wouldn’t last a full day as a SAHD. Maybe that will help him appreciate all of the work you do for baby and home
Oh so you have two children to clean up after. Fun.
Divorced fathers pay child support and have their kids every other weekend.
Been there stay at home mom is 24/7. That doesn’t have start and stop hours. When mine were young it took me going away for a long weekend cause of family passing for him to see and understand. He went to office Monday to Friday 8am to 530pm. When I started working full time as they got older between kids activities and home I ended up getting someone who helped with house work and was our nanny. It is hard and sadly they don’t understand everything that is done.
He is an ass. Stop cleaning up after him, washing his clothes, making food for him. He’ll get it. And if he doesn’t, leave him for a couple of days with the baby with him having no way to reach you or know how long you’ll be gone. If you come back to a mess, tell him he made the mess, so he should clean it up. You are a wife and mother, not his maidor anyone else’s.
Make a bet with him. Next time he has 2 days off in a row it’s alllllll on him. He gets to live in your shoes for 2 days. See how he feels about how much you do then. Sometimes people don’t get it until they live it. 2 days isn’t even a lot, but he’ll see. Unless he’s the type that can’t admit when he’s wrong, in which case you’re in a lot of trouble then.
No. Absolutely not ok. You are a queen & women are amazing. It takes two buddy.
Remind him it took 2 to have a baby he may work but you keep that house clean and baby fed and if his ass don’t help don’t do none his shit I’m a petty bish and I went 3 days without doing my husband’s stuff no clean clothes I’d was 3 dishes for me n the kids yes my house got nasty but I would touch none his stuff or whatever he dirtier guess who was helping afterwards
I have so many other things to say. Lol
I have to be careful on FB.
Well, I guess going with HIS dumb ass theory, Every Employed MOM on this earth shouldn’t have to do shit bc WE make money! What a LAZY F**K
Hello 1950’s, they had a diet pill called obetrol, it was basically meth…… sooo things arnt the same today.
He needs to pitch in and help you out.
Leave his messes. Take off for a day on his day off. Just leave his lazy ass. Its a partneragip and you ataying home is a co.promise as your income would probably only cover carw.
I’m a stay at home mom and my husband works hard so I feel like it’s my responsibility to do the things around the house. But to each their own.
Helping with his own child shouldn’t be so difficult for him and that’s very concerning because he should want to bond with his son.
Listen to me now. People. are only going to treat you. THE WAY YOU TEACH THEM THEY CAN.
Men honestly don’t seem to understand that being a mum is full full time! At least they finish work and get to come home sit down relax, a mums job never stops. We work fulltime 24/7 for 18+ years. Maybe get him to schedule one day off from work while you have a day out, and leave bubs with him. See how he feels then. I work part time and it took my partner losing his job and having our son for a full day while I was at work to realise just how much I really do. He has never said I don’t do much again since. They just don’t see it because they aren’t there all the time to see how much we actually do. Hopefully he pulls his head in. My partner always used the excuse “I work” to not wanna do anything around the house or with our son. Now I work too I told him that’s not an excuse. He is just as much a dad as you are a mum, and has just as much responsibility for your child as you do. It’s gotta be a team effort.
Good luck mama 
Girl that is a GROWN ASS WHOLE MAN you are NOT his slave and or maid. Smh I am so sick of these men thinking bc they work and pay the bills they don’t have to contribute to household chores. You live in this space as well as I do, you can damn well pick up after yourself and throw a load of laundry in and wash some dishes and mop the floor and watch your child and it’s not watching your child or babysitting it’s spending time and bonding with your child, what the hell have we allowed these men to become ? because let’s be honest we’ve allowed it to happen otherwise it wouldn’t be happening, so how do we change it and how do we change it and not make them feel emasculated or ashamed because I don’t think that’s anybody’s intention but come on grow up already. I’m sending you love and light and many blessings 
You should take care of yourself any the baby for 1 week. Don’t do anything else. Then he’ll see just how much you “don’t do”.
That guy sounds like a total jerk
I am of the mind set that if one stays home and one works, that the one at home should take care of the house. HOWEVER that does not mean he doesn’t pick up after himself and he DOES help with the baby!!! He does work so he is tired and shouldn’t have to clean/cook on a regular bases. But u are also tired and should have help with the baby. when one is at home taking care of the house that is their job, just don’t get paid for it! But the baby is also a full time job and that is the responsibility of both parents. You need a break when he gets home. He can play with the baby extra. U didn’t have the baby by yourself. I hope this is coming across how I mean it to. You are both working. Him with a job he gets paid for and u a job u don’t. Never let him make u feel like what u are doing isn’t important because it’s the hardest job ever!!! Best wishes.
It’s his house and his child also. Things don’t just stop at 5 o’clock. He doesn’t just work and that’s enough. No that’s not how things work. He sounds like an ass who needs someone to baby him. I would just stop doing everything, give him the baby and go out. Tell him you did your part for they day and that’s enough. Or say ok then he can take care of the baby or find someone to watch him while you go to work and then no one will do anything after 5 cause you both work.
He should definently help out with the baby, he wanted that child he needs to help but you also need to realize that he is out working while you are home and it’s hard rn cuz oh man I do I am one too, it’s our job to have the housework done is we are not pulling in ANY income. It’s gotta level out. Emotions are strong and high and they are so valid I’m not watering that down a bit. But you gotta realize that man is trying to provide for you and that child of yours…
It shouldn’t be equal to house work to take care of your own flesh in the first place, secondly, girl get rid of that man and find you somebody to love you and your baby and teach them what a family is.
Kids are not an 9-5 job, care continues after all day working for both parents, you work all day at home, him at a job, and you both get to parent at night.
I hate to break it to you but a real man wouldn’t let his baby sit hungry because he thinks it’s your job. What you have is a little boy trying to play pretend.
He should want to play an active role in his child’s life. I swear I’d leave for a weekend and let him see how hard it is to be on the clock 24/7
what a pathetic excuse for a man. He works so he doesn’t have to help with the baby!? Dude, you made the damn thing, look after it!!! Nope nope nope! This ones broken, go find a better one, they do exist. You do not have to settle for less.
Totally let him be in your shoes girl. I take of my two boys and my fiancé boys Monday- Friday and Work on weekends it’s not a easy job at all let him be in your shoes for a week straight maybe he’ll start showing you some respect
You’re a stay at home mom. Not a stay at home maid. Are you keeping his kid(s) alive while he is gone? Then you have done your job.
I once printed out the salaries for personal chef, live-in nanny, live-in maid, escort, chauffer, etc, etc, etc, and handed it to my ex. I told him THAT’S what I bring into our home, on top of our awesome kid. If you can’t respect that, I’ll go bring all of those things and an income into my OWN home without you, and you can figure it out. And that’s what I did
He can at least help with the bottle. He’s trying to justify his actions
He can be glad he has a wife who can stay at home. My wife and I both worked, opposite shifts, and we would swap out at the door. I would hand her the car keys and she would hand me our daughter. I’m sure he’s tired but he’s responsible for more than making money. JMHO.
Stay at home mom Incase anyone don’t understand what SAHM is
A mother needs a partner to ensure her needs are met, emotional and physical. that’s when she’s able to do the best as a sahm. You cant pour from an empty cup
P.s I’ve been a sahm for 13 yrs and this whole it’s a 24-7 job Is only true if you you have a crappy relationship
My husband works multiple jobs and still helps with house work and kids, and he never complains about anything he thinks I should do!
I’m sure this is an unpopular opinion, but I’m going to say it anyways, if you’re a stay at home mom, especially with an infant, your home should be spotless. Infants sleep the majority of the time. Clean your house during this time, make dinner, do what needs to be done. I’m so over the “cry for me” I’m a stay at home mom. I was a single mom of 2 children, working 40+ hrs a week, and still had an immaculate home and dinner, was it gourmet meals, no, but we all ate. Quit crying about your life and be thankful you get to be with your children and husband. Broads like you wanted to burn their bras in protest, yet you’re still complaining 
STFU
and FYI don’t tag me in a comment cuz you’re butt hurt over my response, take the time you have to comment to clean your house or cook a meal for your husband that works all day everyday 
I said what I said
I am a sahm for the first time in my life. My husband works very hard and most definitely does not clean. Do I get frustrated sometimes… of course. I am not a maid. But I am a mom and a wife. My husband never changes diapers, clothes, or bathes our daughter… why? Because I do it as I am a stay at home mom. I cook most nights, clean when I can and never ask him for anything. And I am okay with it. If I have to go to the store and don’t want to bring baby, I feed and change her before I go. It is part of being a mom, a stay at home mom, and a wife. You have no room to bitch if he is the sole provider for the house… imo
I am a single mom . even if you have help it’s a full time job regardless being at home . “Men” don’t understand the reality of parenting until it’s in their hands for a while . At least he gets breaks and weekends off while you don’t . He should really think about that . To teach a child & be with them day in day out . Keep a house clean . Prepare this , do that … it’s a lot . He’s being selfish and doesn’t understand the full responsibility in my opinion
Best explanation ever!
Aww hell naw he helped make the baby he can help raise the baby. He makes mess. N lives in house to he helps clean simple stop doing jobs for a wk n hel soon learn how. Much u actually do
Tell him he would still be required to give the baby money if you weren’t together and if he doesn’t help that’s the route you are going to take. You don’t have kids with someone to raise them yourself while they just give you money.
Being a husband and a father requires more than bringing home a paycheck. If all you needed from him was money, you could get that with child support or alimony.
Being a sahm means you’re on the job 24/7. You don’t get weekends off, or get to walk away from your job every evening at 5.
Parents should both be involved in raising their children, and providing a clean & suitable environment for their children to live in. It sounds to me like you’re cleaning up after 2 children. Your husband is acting like a teenager who doesn’t want to clean his own room.
At times when I wasn’t working & stayed home with my children, I tried to keep my house clean, make sure the laundry was done, the meals were cooked, the dishes were done, etc., but there were times when I needed help … & my husband would act like a kid himself & complain, but he would help me.
Even when I worked a full time job, I tried to clean & cook & do the shopping & balance the bills, and take care of the kids, etc., But my husband was a little more inclined to help me when we both worked.
I honestly think that men think mom’s are magicians! lol
You need to let your husband know that you are not his mother, that he is your partner, and when you need help, you expect him to try to help you.
I don’t believe a relationship should always be 50/50. Most of the time yes it is 50/50….but life isn’t always like that. There a times where I am struggling (life and health problems) and my husband will take everything on (this is 1/99) and there are times he is overworked or whatever and I take everything on (this is 99/1). I mean the percentages can vary a little but what is important is that we have each others backs and work together to keep things going.
Tell him he would have to work and pay bills with or without you and the baby there. So that’s a given as a responsibility but the home and child are both things y’all share and you do your work 7 days a week. He can help too. He’s a dad, not an observer. A mother can’t take adequate care of her family if she herself is not adequately taken care of. He makes messes and he can at least pick up after his own self and not ADD to your job.
When my man and I finally realized that if we cleaned up just after ourselves (as we would if we lived alone) no one felt slighted. When we had a child, no matter how much one or the other worked outside the home, (we treated it as a job to be the one who stayed home when it just didn’t make any financial sense whatsoever for one to go back to work too) so in our case when he came home from work I was "clocking out bc if I wasn’t here he would be picking the child up from a sitter and having them all night, right? It wasn’t like set in stone- of course we picked up the others “slack” when needed and a lot of compromise. But it worked for us. And I could shower alone! It also sounds like you both should sit down together and write out what each of you expect the house standard to be. Each family is different (Some keep their house so clean you could eat off the floors all the way to the opposite extreme- most in the middle I’d think). So you have to find y’alls normal, then plan out how to get to that point and maintain. If it doesn’t change and you’re still having to beg a reevaluation of your relationship would seem the best. Good luck!
Sounds like my ex. The police assisted me to break up with him.
So, Life is what you make it…let him work as many hours as he wants…then he can come home to an empty house, and then complain when he has to pay maintenance, never sees his child, and lives in a pigsty…and you and your child live a happy life picking up only after you and your child, and move on with a happy life …seems pretty reasonable to me anyways…put it to him that way… Good Luck!
He won’t ever change. So you have to. Either you do all the things you just complained about without his help and stay unhappy or you get tf out and find a life worth living.
So, time to find a babysitter & someone to clean the house once a week, and find a regular job. Get OUT of the SAHM market. But he should be able to at least make a bottle, sit down & feed the baby 
since it would be time with the baby at least then for bonding. That is NOT asking too much. Your vision gets narrow when in a closed up house all day. Can ya find a park close by to go for a walk at too during the day with baby?
He should help he made the baby with u n he lives in the same the house there is no reason y he can’t help
Tell him you can work and make money and then he can do half the cooking and cleaning. Argument over. He should be helping do everything.
Show him what “doing nothing” looks like.
Dont cook for him. Dont wash his laundry. Dont pick up anything off the floor. Dont do the dishes.
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What ever your doing in the house NEEDS to be directly for you or the baby.
I work a full time job and go to school full time and take care of my son full time what’s his issue stop feeding him and taking care of him tell him to do it him self sounds like he needs to grow up you don’t need to be taking care of two kids he can help two just because he works doesn’t give him an excuse to not be a father or husband
When my kids were young I was a stay at home mom some of the time and other times worked part time and almost full-time. It didn’t matter if I was working or not, my husband did nothing but cut the grass. There were other issues throughout the marriage and after 31 years I left. I have never been happier!
I’m not telling you to divorce only that you should both be working together. As time goes on, if he doesn’t start helping more. You will probably become bitter.
My ex husband told me he wasnt a father he was a provider…and the kids were mine because i wanted them…yeah when i divorced him he didn’t like the child support payments FOR MY KIDS
He should be happy to help care for his son. The inside cleaning and laundry is yours to do. My son cooks and does the grocery shopping and outside stuff. He loves caring for the girls.
I’ve always said I don’t get to clock out, I’m on the job 24/7!
Some men raised more old fashioned just think that way. My husband thought that way, until I make him understand that anything I do above and beyond keeping his children alive, fed and safe was a gift for him. My job doesn’t end, as I type this I have to get up in a few hours and start my day. He works 4-midnight and all the parent duties fall on me. Have a talk with him. Text him every single thing you do throughout the day, send him pics. Make him understand your point of view. I do not think you need to walk out on your husband, I think you might wanna have an actual painful conversation. Be cause a good women goes into mommy mode when babies come and a good man will go into financial security mode
I’d tell him that I am only working 5 days a week also. Then take off early on a Saturday and leave him with the baby to take care of.
My husband works 12 hour shifts manual labor comes homes helps clean and cook and with the baby and our other kids. Your husband is trash find a new one
Yeah if he thinks just working is all should have to do to provide then there’s no reason you should be in a relationship since all you’ll need then is his portion of child support. Of course he can still help and kitchen, laundry, chores are endless… meaning NEVERENDING! If you two separated and got visitation he would still have to do all those things like change diapers, clean, ect… for his time with the children. Gosh is he daft and living some sort of 50s time warp. If you actually did nothing all these things would pile up. Maybe he needs to be shown what “doing nothing” actually looks like for a week. Obviously take care of children. But stop taking care of his needs. He’s a big boy.
Being a SAHM Doesn’t mean you’re the only parent. Taking care of your child’s basic needs is what both parents do. Making/feeding bottles, changing diapers. Bathing, etc. I cant believe he thinks he doesnt have to be a parent bc he goes to work outside the home. Some people are ridiculous.
Send him back to his mom and get a job. This just gets worse.
You should both have a chance to clock out of your jobs every day. Even if it’s just for a little bit for you to shower and sit in peace for 10 minutes. Just like he wants to come home and relax, you do too. Tell him if he doesn’t want to clean, to start paying you. Literally. Being a parent is not a job, but cleaning up for another adult is.
As a SAHM during Covid, it’s impossible to keep the house clean. Id have to clean off the kitchen counters 3x a day…and thats just the kitchen. My 3 year old reverses every cleaning i do. I clean something and i turn around and hes made a mess somewhere else. I used to be able to clean an entire house spotless in a few hours. Now, i get interrupted thousands of times a day by my kid’s needs and his “needs” (things he thinks are needs but entirely arent)… i can barely finish a thought in my head. So, yeah you’re not alone… people don’t realize it takes us all day to not have enough time to do it all lol.
Just move out. Hes obviously not interested in being a family, and you’re doing it on your own anyway.
My opinion and personal decision was if he can’t help with the baby, clean, do yard work, take cars in for maintenence and fix things around the house as they break that if I was doing it all myself, I’ll do it all by my damn self. He also didn’t pay bills. $350 for him was impossible to provide towards the family. So here I am single doing the damn thing happy as ever not worrying about trying to mommy an adult who is neglecting all responsibility. And it’s a lot quieter without all the yelling. Best choice ever.
Only things hubs has to help with the kids take out trash and yard work. I don’t expect him to help on his days off. He works m-f 10 hr days in the heat. I’m sahm it doesn’t have to do with being his maid. That man is tired when he gets home and if he doesn’t won’t to help then it’s ok.
He sounds like a chump.
Question: if you both worked and put the kid in daycare would he then do half the chores? Yeah I doubt it. He’s full of crap and needs to see the light. Or divorce papers.