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QUESTION:
"We got into an argument tonight. I asked him to make the baby a bottle while i go to the store for him and i come back and the baby still didnt have a bottle. Im mad at this point. Trying to get him to help me with the baby is frustrating because i have to basically beg him to change a diaper or make a bottle or hold him and i end up having to do it. So. Tonight i told him that he needs to help me with the baby more. He told me he does by bringing money into the house. (im a sahm) He then tells me i don’t do enough. He told me that he has to clean the house every weekend and that i don’t do anything, even though i cleaned the kitchen, our bedroom, front room, one of the bathrooms while taking care of the baby yesterday, plus move furniture. He then told me he shouldnt have to clean. I told him im not a maid and since he lives here too, he can help on his days off. He acts like i do nothing all day. I tried to explain to him that taking care of a baby is a lot of work and it doesnt help that as soon as i get something clean, its ruined within a few hours later because he wont pick up after himself. He then argued again saying he works and thats enough. Is he right? Should a man who works 5 days a week not help out with the baby or around the house? Am i not doing enough? What are your thoughts about this? Should i be the only one to clean the house, cook, and take care of the baby alone? i am tired of the arguments and feeling like what i do is never enough."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Being a SAHM is one of the HARDEST, most unappreciated jobs on the planet! He absolutely should help when he is home! Especially with HIS BABY! You deserve a break! He gets to leave work!!!"
"Just dump the man an be independent cause at this point there ain’t hope."
"Sounds like you are in a very toxic relationship. Sounds like you are doing everything alone as it is and he doesn’t really have an interest past money contributing which let’s be honest can be done from anywhere. You need to decide what is best for you."
"No babe sounds like you guys just need to work together and selfishness has no place In marriage. He needs to help you with what you ask and viscera. Always try to out do each other in kind acts when you can. You are enough he’s just frustrated and tired and you both are"
"My kids father said almost the exact same thing to me when they were little humans, I packed my shit and left, never looked back. If I am going to be a single mother, then I am going to do it on my terms not with a grown ass man to feed, pickup and clean after… best decision I ever made… here I am 20 yes happy with the life I learned to make for myself n children"
"You guys are a team. Supposed to work together, not separately. I absolutely believe you should have some help. Maybe give him mediocre chores to do, working 5 days a week is tiring I’m sure, but not as tiring as us stay at home moms! We don’t get to clock out and relax! We’re in it 24/7 365! You def need help with the baby. Do you have family that can help give you a break every now and then until you guys can settle an agreement? If so I think you should do that, it seems you might also be very burnt out and need some me time too! Good luck mama!"
"That is some bs, you didn’t make this baby yourself either. Regardless of anything, he should be helping you 50/50."
"You’re a stay at home mom. Not a stay at home maid. Taking care of kids is a full time job. Cleaning doesn’t really factor into it, esp when they’re small."
"I would not think about having more kids with him some women are never appreciated expecally after having kids some people only see the value in money not a home life your not alone in this situation"
"OK, unpopular opinion, JUST STOP DOING IT! only do what is needed for you and the baby. and do it for 1 whole week. while he is at work. then on the weekend continue it while he is home and when he says hes hungry or asks anything to do with what you normally do, just tell him hes got hands, feet and a brain he can do it. your his wife not his mom."
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