In this situation you need to do what you see as fit for you and your baby.
Fck no. Youāre doing an amazing job and heās an ignorant man who thinks he can kick back after work lol sooo if you went back to work too, then what does he expect would happen when you both get home at the end of the day? Lol
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So he works five days a week and you work literally from the time you wake till the time the baby goes to sleep?? Nope that not fair
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With the money he brings into the household get a live in housekeeper 2 or 3 days a week to do meals, washing, cleaning and U just consentrate on caring for the baby, problem solved
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I may be attacked for this but Iām a sahm of 2 boys 4 and 2 and I do it all. I make sure he donāt have to do anything after working his 12 hours shift. He works 4 on 2 off and I make sure he donāt have to do anything. If Iām cooking and he sees trash on the counter he will clean it off. He leaves his clothes placed but I still clean around them or just put them in his basket. I wake up every morning at 3:30 to make sure his lunch is packed and he has everything he needs. I will even lay out his clothes for work. He will also change the 2 yr Olds butt. I try my hardest to make sure he donāt have to. We have a 5 bedroom 3 bath with a basement and I clean it all vacuum sweep and mop every day.
Youāre not wrong. Itās a partnership. He had a dumb ass mentality. Good luck.
Look up daycare prices and show it to him. They charge so much for roughly 10 hrs. Then look up house cleaning prices. Add it together and show it to him. He can then see how much money he is saving with you as a SAHM. Not to mention, your job is never done. It is 24/7. Those services have set time frames. Then search up jobs and apply for some (even if you donāt accept any) and let him know since youāll both be working, he has no excuse but to help pay childcare and help clean the house.
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You already know you are not asking too much, but you are asking the wrong type of man for what you need. I am wondering if he created false expectations for you? Did he portray himself as someone who would be actively involved with his child? Did he ever help with house work? Is this new behavior since the baby was born or has his callous attitude always been present? Did you all talk about household responsibilities before your getting pregnant or is this conversation just now coming up? How were things divvied up prior to the baby?
I would be very concerned about a man who could sit in the house with a hungry baby and he makes no move to get up and feed the child.
I think your words are going nowhere and he is behaving as if you and the child are a burden and an after-thought, he has decided that his only role in the household is to bring in the finances. You have to see him for who he is and recognize that these characteristics rest at the core of his being. You will only learn to resent him as you do all the child rearing, cooking, and house cleaning. I bet he wants sex to be available whenever he wants it, too! It does not sound like he wants a partnership where all responsibilities in the home are handled together and everyone just does what is needed at the moment. He does not seem to have compassion towards you, either. You are in a dictatorship, not a relationship.
He sounds very unkind and only you know if you want to continue to live like that. Nothing you say is going to change him, people like him have to lose something to force them to do the inner work needed for growth.
My partner & I have 7kids & we both work but he does long hrs & work 6days a week depending on the weather ā¦but he still comes home & helps me out with everything with changing our babies nappies ,bathing them,cleaning up & cooks every now & then ,we help each other & it makes things easier!! There is no excuses for ur hubby ,he should be helping u as a motherās job is 24/7 & itās not easy,his just lazyā¦
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Ooo this sounds oh so familiar 
I dealt with this for years . Youāre not wrong for wanting help . Raising a child is hard and takes a lot of time love and care . Some guys think just because youāre at home all day that means you dont get tired or overwhelmed they think you sit on the couch eating potato chips all day . Uhno especially if you have a child ! Youāre up and down all damn day making sure your baby is okay has what he or she needs . While also trying your best to keep up with the house chores . And it doesnāt help when he gets home and makes a mess so it looks like you didnt do anything all day its frustrating . But he should definitely help out just because he works doesnāt give him a free pass its both your home ā¦ imo
For oneā¦ 9-5ā¦5 days a week has nothing on u. I have been working and sahp and I can promise u as a sahp your job never endsā¦ u deserve a break too. So he needs to help some when heās home and he needs to make sure his child is fed when u arnt home no matter what he thinks about who does what. Paying bills isnāt easy but sahp is the hardest job. Tell him act right
Remind him he gets lunch breaks, coffee breaks and when he leaves work heās done. You NEVER get any of the above or can walk out the door until 7:30 the next morning and forget being a Mother. Uugghh
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Your husband isnāt a man heās a child. My husband works 80 hours weeks, leaves at 3:30am and gets home at 6pm, and mind you heās a logger so those are HARD hours, physical labor, all day everyday, in the weather, he still helps with our 3 children and helps clean when I ask, he doesnāt say a thing about our house because he knows I spend all day doing things. Tell him to step it up or step it outš¤·āāļø
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Iād just leave him personally.
You are a mom to the baby not him. If he doesnāt help show him to the door. Youāre doing it all anyhow. You wonāt have to be a lazy grown ass manās mama no more. Sad he has no desire to hold or care for his baby. Bullshit.
Run. Itāll only get worse from here. Youāre doing the best you can and thatās what counts. If he canāt see what you bring to the table, then you deserve someone who does. I know itās scary starting over, especially being a SAHM but you and that little 1 will be way better off in the long run 
single mom here whoās house was burnt down a year ago and starting over, doing it allā¦ im stressed to the max but us moms never give up 
sending hugs of strength
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He definitely should help with the baby and help with dishes, etc. A new Mom, especially, is on call 24/7 with little sleep and endless housework, laundry, cooking and undivided attention to the baby. Itās exhausting. On his day off, Iād say, your turn. Take care of all the duties and care for the baby. Bathe, feed, burp, clothe, make bottles, change diapers and do laundry and pick up the messā around the house. Have dinner ready when I get back at said time. Letās see how that works out. Heāll appreciate you then. Guaranteed. My suggestion. I wish you luck!
And congratulations on your new bundle of joy
Itās not 1950 anymore, have you seen the prices of day care? Itās cheaper to be a SAHM. But being a parent is a full time job, switch places with him and heād learn quick how taking care of a baby is exhausting. I do agree make him get an in house nanny if he aināt gonna help
Iām stayed home mom for 22 years. I have 4 kids (2 adults and 2 kids age 8 and 11) and granddaughter. 2 fosters kids now they are adults. My husband work 4-6 days a week. He come home help me with the kids, dishes, and fix things around the house if needed. So after work it is 50/50, on his days off are 50/50 to do the housework, yard work, dealing with kids and animals. If he canāt be man then he is piece of shit with a money.
Leave the baby with him alone for a weekend. Say youāre going to the store then when you leave, say youāre going to be gone til Sunday night and figure it out
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Idl like to be honest. I thought like this. Maybe because I grew up seeing my mum do it. Like most other men I know or knew. So lets not be nasty about it. It sounds crazy but some men Just cant see it. Break it down into time, facts and figures, tell him itās wearing you out and you need his help or you just canāt go on like this.
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He lives there too. It is his responsibility to clean house, take care of himself , the baby, or whatever else comes up. Itās as much his place as yours. I donāt know what makes the majority of men think that a woman is their personal slave , but they get certainly think that. Most men come home from work, get a their shower and then proceed to sit on their royal rumps until their dinner plate is out right under their nose . Itās disgusting.
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I went through this with my husband for a long time. He worked but came home and sat on the computer the rest of the time. Heās in the wrong! He helped make that child and thereās more to taking care of a child than just making the money. Momma needs help too! Heās being very immature and more of a baby than the baby. You do more than enough! He needs to step up.
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My ex husband has this mentality. He works so he thinks thatās all he has to do. I couldnāt deal with it and he wouldnāt change so I have left him and now Iām happy with somebody who understands partnership.
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Girl, same boat, he was a mamas boy and unfortunately that was only part of our issues, is he a mamas boy? She cooked for him and did his laundry and picked up after him, until he moved out with me and our baby at 20. I always took into consideration he was a dad at 20 where as I was 23, but that did no good, we both worked full time until I had our first then maternity leave and then part time, we also lived at his moms house until oldest was 6 months old. In our own place, still full time jobs both of us but I did literally all the cleaning and cooking and most of the child raising. We got into fights about constantly. Then I had to move down to part time, because even was trying to move up the ladder and we needed more babysitting coverage, we always split bills and care 50/50 as well which got harder when he still wanted me to do so AFTER I cut my hours down to help him with his career and he said because I worked less I needed to pick up more household stuff and stop badgering him about it, but I moved to part time to help you out? So I told him, he wants to stay advancing in his career and still wants 50/50 bills he will need to do 50/50 house work, or we can do 30/70 bills and id continue to do most of the household duties, stupid compromise I know but I would have taken anything at that point, had to pick up hours again as we were tight on money even with him advancing so I picked up overnight shifts, did cooking and cleaning and child rearing during the day and worked all night and at this point I was done and split up with him, then and only then did he ācareā and we got back together 6 months later and it became the same thing still doing all cooking cleaning child raising still doing 50/50 on bills and working whatever hours I could around his to help his career, I should have stayed gone the first time. 
finally said eff you and got a full time job again and told him to suck it the eff up and figure it out himself because I was done switching shift constantly calling out of work etc his excuse was he made way more money then I did and thats why, but like bro, you wouldnāt be making nearly as much money as you are now if I didnāt sacrifice for you to do so, to hopefully have a better future for our family. Got.new place together and I was still working full time but now from home and the same thing, you have to do all cleaning and cooking and child care because you work from home and I work out of the home, like yea I do work from home but still chained to a desk for 8 hours, im not flounce and lollygagging around the house all day. Had our second, and I had to become a stay at home mom, eventually I was just so tired of him and his mother and how he treated me that when he told.me.he didnāt want to be with me anymore, I accepted it and now months later Iām in my own home with both my boys, struggling but so much better mentally and emotionally without his presence. Honestly if this continues just split up, whether you leave with the little or he leaves on his own, yea its going to suck and probably suck a lot, but take it from someone who did it, its worth it, your happiness and your kids happiness and safety are worth itā¦ he however is not.
Kick him to curb with that big ego.
No? That isnāt right! You and him created the life both of you are responsible!
As for work
Hunny you donāt get a day off, you donāt get breaks, you work 24/7 and he has the cheek and audacity to say what you do isnāt food enoughā¦ Grrrrr he grinds my gears
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He is absolutely wrong !! I have 3 babies and Iām sorry but you need to put your foot down with him know !! Caring for a baby way harder then going to work 
Iāve been a single mom not single mom fully employed and then a stay at home mom At one point I was a single mom working two part time job and take 25 credit in summer while caring for my daughter by myself absolutely no family help an being a stay at home mom is still harder then that and I donāt care what anyone says just the mental part is enough to drive you crazy add hormones lack of sleep lack of hygiene lack of anything really on top of a job that requires 24/7 on the spot assistance absolutely no feeling of accomplishment ever itās enough to make a sane person crack if you donāt get a break once in a while !! He needs to see what itās really like I learned after my first that dad needed to wake the heck up I stopped doing his stuff first laundry dishes everything I was pissed made enough food for myself and kids didnāt make a big difference he just threw a fit so I started going to the grocery store and just sitting in the car for like 45 mins to just relax for the first time in days !! And you know what he figured it out ! 
how hard it was to do anything one is easy though all tell you that if your having a hard time now oh lord have mercy you better get him to wake up before you ended up with more because I tell you what your gonna snap on him
He is 100% in the wrong
He brings in the money and yes he should pick up behind himself and help with the baby. However, since you are a stay at home mom your actual job is to be a stay at home mom which includes keeping house up, taking care of baby cooking and cleaning. His, besides working, should be maintaining the yard, home repairs and helping with the baby.
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If he gets weekends off every single weekend then he needs to be helping around the house on those days. And if heās only working 40hrs a week he needs to be doing more when he gets home. My husband works 5-7weeks straight so the most I ask is he takes the garbage out or feed the dogs. Iāve been a sahm for 4yrs now and I do all the cleaning and cooking and raising of our daughter. 
A momās job is never doneā¦we are on call 24/7
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No. He is not correct. Heās being a major ass. Someone is still thinking itās 1950 or something. Your husband needs to wake up and grow up.
Iām a bit old school, yes definitely he needs to help too in some capacity. But also shouldnāt be expected to clean on his days off. He in saying that should also be giving you a day off sometimes
Do not have another child with him unless he changes. Your husband is a man child and doesnāt seem to have alot of respect for you.
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It is not 1950 anymore. These days the women contribute just as much if not more. I have a 16 yo and a 2 yo me and my hubby both work full time jobs plus i clean on the side to make ends meet. Ill cook and clean and take care of the toddler but he is expected to do the same. I do not care that he worked all day as did I im expected to do it so is he so we as a team take care of stuff! Im so sorry no it should not be that way. Give him a chance to change if he doesnt you need to change yours and your childs situation
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You need a ālet me show you what a doā day outā¦ leave on one of his days off, when kids are home front school, before they wake up and donāt come home unless itās for an emergency until kids are in bed. He can cook, clean, take care of kidsā¦ allll that without you for one day. I bet you his attitude will change and those words wonāt come out of his mouth again. JS
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Tell him it takes 2 to make a baby n your not a single mom leave him alone with the baby one weekend n take a much needed mini vacation
Aside from the evident misogynistic vibes hes givingā¦ im more concerned that he wouldnt feed his child. Thats a big ol red flag to me. Its one thing to be an ass to your partner (total assholery), but its another to literally just decide to not feed your child because you worked during the day. Sorryā¦ but that reminds me a lot of my EX. Keyword there.
My mom always said thereās more to providing for family than going to work
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Coming from a single mom with no co parent Iād be more than happy doing it all if I could stay home with my son. Iām not saying you shouldnāt feel frustrated but try to also be grateful. Couples wonāt get along 100% of the time. But I guarantee what you got going on is far better than doing it ALL on your own, even bringing home the $$
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Feminism strikes again. Feminism ruined the idea in men and woman alike that being a stay at home mom isnāt enough. JS donāt come at me.
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Heāll nooooo your NOT WRONG!! LIKE YOU SAID YOUR NOT A MAID!! HE CANāT HELP YOU DONāT NEED HIM PERIOD!!
If heās getting paid and bringing home the money then get him to pay u a salary. Coming home to a clean house and home cooked meal shouldnāt come for freeš. U can choose to use that money to hire some help. But based on your description of him and his reaction to the babyā¦ This will not fix any problem. Perhaps focus only on baby and babyās mess. Donāt clean up after hubby or see to his needs. Your plate is full enough. He can see to his own needs.
No use arguing.
Just show him how ridiculous he is.
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Weaponized incompetence. Look it up! You deserve more.
The baby is also his, and he should definitely be doing more to help you
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Tell him that since he has days off that you should get days off as well then just leave after he gets home.
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Does he get breaks at work? Then, when he gets home or sometime in the evening, you get your hour break! Caring for the baby is both of your jobs! For every 8 hours of work, you get a half hour & 2 15-minute breaksā¦ So add that up 
!!! I can understand him not getting up with the baby at night if he works & you donāt but by God he needs to give you some free time to yourself!
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Lol my BF works 14 hour days and still helps clean and attends to our kids. No reason he shouldnāt helpā¦ heās lazy
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Ummmm no thatās not how being a parent works. You are a parent and need to help with the kids no matter who is or is not working. My husband works 50 hrs a week and still helps with our daughter. There was a time when he had told me I didnāt do enough. I went back to work on his opposite shift part time. After day 2 he was ready for momma to come home and didnāt know how I got done what I did.
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Uhhhā¦no when heās home he helps. Mine does, I occasionally get a job and then he steps up even more. He just wants a maid like you said. We donāt live in that world anymore. It should not only be up to sahm, I can understand during his work days but doing simple Parental things definitely shouldnāt qualify as āchoresā. Also, itās just respectful to pick up after yourself especially when you have free timeā¦
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Marriage & parenting is about TEAM WORK. Working together. Leaning on each other. Hope he figures it out!
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Girl bye. Shut this down immediately. He sounds like a punk.
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that kind of husband is a selfish, uncaring man, and btw doubt that he loves you, sorry to say
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In my opinion, if only one person works and has all the financial responsibility the other should take care of the house, of course the one who works outside the house has to help but should not have to do everything.
I have seen a lot of women using their babies as a excuse for having a messy house, like they are holding or caring the baby 24/7 .
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Baby takes a bottle? Leave Saturday morning at 5 am and come back at 5 pm. Forget your cell. Leave a note. He goes through this three times and he wonāt ever say that again.
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Granted I do everything on the days my husband works but on weekends when heās off he willing helps me with either cleaning or our baby so your husband just being a big ass kid tell him to step up or you can find someone better you donāt need to take care of a grown child and even on the days my husband works he does at least pick up after himself
Wtf. Iām not a single mom, I work 2nd shift, my husband works 3rd. We both take care of the kids. We both clean. He needs to get his ass off of his high horse if he thinks bringing money home is the extent of his responsibility to his family. He sounds like an immature prick.
Sounds like his mom did everything for him growing up. Iām not going to lie I used to be lazy af because I had it in my head I didnāt have to. It took my ex husband leaving me to make me wake up and realize I was a piece of shit.
My hubby and I both work full time. And tbh he does most of the cleaning and cooking. When I was a sahm he helped when he was home. Took turns sleeping in one the weekends. We are both disabled, raised 6 kids total and youngest two are 17 & 14 so they help out. But being a sahm is a full time job. You deserve breaks too.
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FĆĆĆ that!! No way in hell he has a responsibility to his child beyond finically.
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Tell him you gonna get a job and yāall can pay someone to do what you do since itās not real work. Iām home now because childcare cost. Which mean it is a job. He gets break at work you should get one too. Either you can watch the baby for āfreeā or yāall can PAY someone to do it. But itās still a job. My husband is with our 1 month old now so I can sleep. He does diapers, feedings, overnights, cleans, and will make my plate.
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Get a house keeper ā¦ money always wakes a man ā¦ donāt take no for an answer ā¦ Iāll bet you see some help ā¦ send him to store with baby
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He helped make the baby? Then he can help u around the house. You are correct youāre not his maid. If he still wonāt help, then do what you can for you and baby. Donāt wash his clothes, or pick up after him.
I canāt imagine having a partner with this kind of attitude. Iād lose my mind if my husband was like that.
My husband has always helped me with everything.
I donāt understand that type of mentality. He doesnāt want a wife or a partner, he wants a maid. I couldnāt live with a man like that.
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My husband is currently being a single dad to a 3yr old. I have been in the hospital for the last 4wks because of a complicated pregnancy, and wonāt be going home til my twins are born. Im 27+5wks. He now understands why the dishes werent done, dinner wasnt made, house was a mess, why I would be irritated and just wanted an hour to my self when he would come home, talked his ear off when he walked in the door. It will be a new life when I do come home, not only because we are adding 2 babies, but because he understands me more and I think this whole situation will help make our marriage stronger.
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My husband can work 5 to 7 days a week and 12 to 15 hrs shifts. He still helps around the house.
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I see both sides. As a SAHM with a husband who worked sometimes 90 hours a week (yes 1 week) I never asked him to lift a finger at home, I appreciated whole heartedly what he did to make it possible for me to be home with 4 boys yet live like a 2 income family. Now had he worked a simple 8 hour day I believe my expectations wouldāve been higher as raising 4 boys was a lot. Now with that said I can remember him telling me to go take a nap, I remember him doing little things and had he just worked 20 hours and I asked for a bottle for the baby, he wouldāve gotten right out of bed and got it. I know how blessed I am and was, Iām now a stay at home doggy mom with rescues and he still makes it all possible and comes home and fulfills that honey do list!
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As a stay at home mom here I agree he should help with the baby change the baby feed the baby a few times to help u out when he gets home give mom a little break also on his days off help more with the baby but when it come to cleaning the house I see where he gets mad and thinks he shouldnāt have to clean but he should at least clean after himself like u said your not a maid he should help a little and be like Iām going to take out the trash or say hey Iām going wash the dishes today since itās my day off and give u a break.
Sounds to me he is selfish and entitled. That is a tall tail sign of a Narcissist. You need to walk away and ber look back. Hell your already doing it all by yourself you are mom and dad and the one who keeps things together and rolling. He doesnāt want to be a dad or a husband he has to have controll. So save yourself and your child from the misery, disapointments, and neglect and last but not least the emotional abuse. Good luck to you and hope you find your way to having a life of love, support and happiness for you and your child.
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I canāt relate to the stay at home mom thing. Itās never been my cup of tea and frankly when I see stuff like this my first reaction is āwell what did you think would happenā. It seems like the working parent usually considers ALL parenting and cleaning the unemployed partners job. And you never get time off. Did you discuss this lifestyle before you got married ? Bc he didnāt just become this way. He doesnāt consider you his equal, but at the same time, doing your ājobā is too much for him to handle.
Also it doesnāt matter if you both worked 80 hour weeks, leaving a child unfed isnāt acceptable & nothing he has to say after neglecting to tend to an infant should have been heard let alone considered. Respect yourself more.
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Stay at home mums job is to do everything at home i have 3 kids 2 r disabled im a stay at home mum i do washing ironing cleaning cooking y my other half works
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He is a problem!! He needs to look up the definition of relationship. The man also should help around the house because as you said, you are not his maid. He needs to take care of you and himself and the baby if heās a real man. We donāt live back in the 40 and 50s. He must do his part in the relationship.
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No maāam itās controlling behavior honestly. Just because he works doesnāt mean he wouldnāt have to cook, clean, and take care of himself if you werenāt there. Itās not fair at all. You deserve some help. See a family therapist for your sake, your husbandās, and your childās!
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Poor momma. We have all been there. You can put it to him thus way. He can move out, he can pay you child support monthly and possibility alimony if your married legally. He can get his own place and clean it up himself. He will wake up fast if he knew he had to start paying child support. I told my hubby that, he now helps with everything inside and outside the house. Even takes the kids anytime im working from home and doing house chores.
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He sounds like a lazy entitled man child.
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Heās a turd. Do the baby a favor and move on. First priority as a mom is that baby second is yourself! Put the baby first then your happiness. My husband works and helps and Iām a part time worker for self care time to get out of the house. Personally the first time my husband let my baby go hungry because he is tired would be the last.
Controlling and lazy. Organise a weekend away and leave him with the babe. See how he feels when you return.
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You already know that answer
His house his kid.
He needs to help
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Sadly, some little boys in grown up bodies still think this way. You didnāt have that baby all by yourself, he needs to take care of his baby too. He also should be cleaning up his own mess.
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Oh girl. Thatās a sexist a hole right there. It takes 2 to make a baby. Iām a stay at home mom I have a 9 yo with severe autism and I take him to all kinds of appointments along with school and I have a 2yo that hates going anywhere on top of that Iām 15 weeks pregnant and my house gets slowly cleaned each day because Iām exhausted from running around. My hubby helps after working 10 hours a day 5-6 days a week. Thatās no man honey thatās a b****.
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Absolutely not , while I donāt feel that if either partner works full-time, so the other can stay at home with the kids , they should still contribute at hone to some extent
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Father and grandfather here. The guy in this post is nuts. Heās not only being unfair to his wife, heās missing out on the full experience of parenthood. I was a stay-at-home father for much of our childrenās childhood. My wife was working a full-time job, but she always helped out with the child care while she was home. Why is this expected of working mothers but not of working fathers?
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Sounds like youāre husband is a narcissist. Might wanna try leaving. Sounds toxic. Heās not helping you with the baby now he wonāt help later on. He doesnāt pick up after himself thatās a no for me.
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Sounds like heās a narcissist
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Firstly, this is a very common concern and subject of much animosity for couples after a baby comes along - finding a fair balance of repsonsibilities and expectations. But, since when is being a mom or cleaning your own home considered a ājobā? Caring for your own child and taking care of your space is part of life. You are blessed to have the choice to be a SAHM. Most women work a full day, out of necessity and still have to do these things. I donāt think itās unreasonable to expect that you attend to the majority of daily chores and child raising at home while he is at work. You donāt stop being mom just because its 5pm and dad is homeā¦ itās not a ājobā itās a life-long 24/7 commitment and blessing. It does not come with pay, overtime, leave or lunchbreaks. That being said, some help from dad with baby in the evening, would go a long way and better communication (not via argument or in anger) about both mom and dadās expectations, may help establish better understanding. Best of luck Mom
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Heād have to work regardless of if you and baby were there so thatās no excuse. He helped make the child he can help take care of the child and any āmanā claiming they donāt need to pick up after themselves or help keep the house clean isnāt a manā¦ Theyāre a child.
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He is being very unfair and selfishā¦does he expect his employer to pay him outside of his working hours??? No. Your job is 24/7ā¦he should join straight in helping you when he gets home. Itās called life and raising a familyā¦it is a two person job when you are both home.
He is a father and should start acting like it! Wow I bet his mum is proud!! (Not). Stand your ground otherwise you may as well be a single mum and do it yourself without being made to feel inadequate everyday!
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See I would go and write down the average salary for each job you do
Maid x amount
Chef x amount
Nanny x amount exc and tell him if heās not willing to pay you for all that you do plus pto then he needs to be an equal partner and help take care of his home as well or he can hit the road
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I get where youāre coming from because Iāve been there for almost 4 years (2 kids) now and then I get what he is saying. I struggle with it because I feel like I donāt do enough. I rarely get a chance to take care of myself much less the house. But I feel as a stay at home mom itās my job to take care of the house as well as the kids. But I also struggle with depression and anxiety and itās just a struggle to survive at this point. It is so hard to clean or do anything when youāre taking care of kids and donāt have someone else helping at least watch them while you clean. Iām sorry girl. Just keep doing the best you can. As long as the baby is taken care of you are doing enough 
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Sounds like neither one of you were old enough or mature enough to get married and have a baby. There is no scoreboard in a marriage. sometimes you give more and sometimes your husband will be expected to give more. Being a stay at home Mom with one child is not that hard unless the child has problems. Some days you might not have time to do much housework as sometimes ābabyā has fussy times. Unless you are expected to keep the house immaculate at all times then maybe your expectations of marriage and motherhood are a little out of line. There are some days that are hard but for the most part unless your child has problems they sleep a lot. With formula, throw away diapers and the modern washers and dryers you should have time for most chores. When you are at home with an infant 24/7 you need some adult conversation. Give your husband a little time to unwind from his day at work before asking him anything. I do mean asking and not demanding. Threatening to leave him would be counter productive unless you donāt care. If you are feeling depressed you should see your doctor.
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āHelp ME with the babyā you said above! Heās not āhelping youā heās being a father to HIS child! That is NOT helping you. You probably didnāt even realize you said that phrase but try to be aware of how you even say things to him. When you need him to do something donāt say ācan you help me change the babyās diaperā for example. Instead say the baby needs a diaper change please take care of that while I do xyz. Words can play a big part in reinforcing negative viewpoints. To answer your question he doesnāt get it. He needs to step into your world. He works 9-5 and when he gets home he relaxes. When do u relax? Is your sahm job 24/7 because u work inside the home? NO of course not. Yes u should do a majority while he is working outside the home but when u are both home then duties need to be split. Period!!! Have him take over being a sahm one day and go to Drs appts, etc to get out of the house for the day and see how much he gets done while taking care of a child!! He sounds like too many men I know and itās disgusting. Sadly many with that view wonāt ever change but u can surely try.
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narcissistic traits
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He should be helping you out 7 days a week. I was a working mom and I was expected to do my share when I got home. Donāt understand why men think working is enough. Besides the fact that having a baby is a 24 hour a day job.
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I might see your point if you was also working outside the home. I agree he needs to pick up after himself (absolutely!!!) and maybe pitch in to help with the baby so you can do grocery shopping, have a bath etc. etc. and when he is taking care of the babyā¦thatās exactly what he needs to be doing TAKING CARE OF THE BABY! so you donāt have to worry rather (the baby) is getting fed or a diaper changed. BUT you also need to take care of the homeā¦cleaning, washing, meals. He could help you with the dinner dishes in the evenings or maybe cook a meal once in a while. If he doesnāt want to help with dishes or a meal then he can take care of the baby so you can. You both need to work together so you can enjoy time together in stead of arguing about who is doing what. Work together instead of pulling each other apart.
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I read the first three sentences and stopped. If dude canāt make his child a bottle then he doesnāt need to be a dad.
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He should be helping you Iām a sahm and when my partner finishes work every night and heās gone sometimes 12hrs a day he still comes home and helps put our 5 kids to bed he helps tidy up at the end of the day so there is no reason why your man shouldnāt, yes itās maybe a long day for him at work but that doesnāt deminish his responsibilities of being a parent
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Itās his baby too even though he works us stay at home mums are 24 7 7days a week he is a selfish prickā¦ if he canāt change a nappy or feed his baby heās a loser
Honestly, if you were to leave and take baby with you, heād have to clean the whole house by himself while working. If you have to do it all alone then you may as well find yourself a job and a place and go do it alone. Go get custody of baby in a court order. Then when he has HIS time with baby heāll either have to have family help take of baby, hire help, or take care of baby himself. Heāll wish he helped more then.
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