My husband and I had our first baby 6 months ago…before her it was just the two of us for 3 years. We always wanted kids, but didn’t want to try right away because we wanted to explore each other and travel. Now that baby is here, I am obsessed with her and feel every waking moment of my life and sanity go to taking care of her. The issue is i feel like my husband is a little jealous maybe? he would never come out an dsay it but i can tell he thinks I am not giving him much attention and i trly o not wish for him to feel this way i just don tknow how to juggle my tim eanymore since the baby was born…how can i let him know he is still important to me?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband seems jealous since I had a baby
Start a date night. Babysitter and no talk about baby. Remember when this child grows up you don’t want to find out you have not been able to keep the love alive.
I think this is pretty normal if that helps. My boyfriend was the same
If “my husband seems jealous since I had a baby” was a question, I’d answer it. But it’s not a question.
husbands need time and attention too… giving him some of the responsibility for taking care of your baby will give him a sense of participation – he can cuddle, play with it, snuggle it – and bottle feed – but beyond that, at 6 months, the baby is old enough to stay with your parents or his – and to give the two of you a night out to be just the two of you again – and that needs to happen… it’s not jealousy as much as it is feeling left out of things.
You shouldn’t ignore him because of the baby. You need to make time for just you and him. Maybe when the baby is asleep, or get a babysitter for a night - even a few hours so byou can have alone time.
This is very common. Divorce rates spike within 2 years after the birth of the first child. Between sleep deprivation and focus on the child instead of the relationship, there’s a lot of adjustments.
It’s critical to keep your relationship first and your child a close second. Being “obsessed” with your daughter is unhealthy, though understandable. Evolutionarily speaking, this ensured that kids survived. But you need to recognize that the strong hormones you’re feeling aren’t adaptive for our modern life.
Establish a date night at LEAST every other week. Go away for a weekend. Get a sitter for your daughter. You need to balance your marriage with your daughter. It sounds like that’s a little out of balance currently.
I think its a natural feeling. My husband was open and told me he was when I asked. Its a change. A big one.
Start doing date nights. NO BABY TALK. Ask how HIS day was. And its ok to put the baby down and go snuggle with him on the couch.
Let him know he’s still important to you by making time for him. It doesn’t have to be anything huge. Plan a “Netflix and Chill” for after the baby goes to sleep. Have one of your parents watch her once a week. That not only gives them one on one time with her, but it gives you and him a weekly date night where you focus on each other. I know it’s difficult, but make sure you’re getting sexy time in. Not only does it boost both of your moods, but it allows you both to keep your intimate time. Shower together. Treat him like you would a child that has been an only child for so long and now has a new sibling. Include him in everything you do with the baby.
You’re wrong, she is your second child!!!
All Men are jealous babies
Date nights, a car drive just the two of you. Just going to the store together. Even if it’s the smallest things, remind him that he matters.
Tell him to suck it up. No reason he should be acting like a child.
It is so important in a marriage or relationship that the foundation be your spouse. As much as we love our children, we still need to devote time and attention to our husband’s needs and wants. It’s hard to do, and I feel like I’m constantly juggling, but when my husband and I are solid, everything else just falls into place!
I asked my boyfriend to go with me to run a couple errands while my mom watched our son.
We got smoothie king and sat at the riverfront and chatted.
I basically forced him to tell me his thoughts (I already knew what he was thinking and what not… he just never said it to me)
We ended up leaving with the conclusion I need to go back to more girlfriend duties and not only mom duties and he needs to step up his daddy duties not just boyfriend duty.
It was good to finally hear him say his thoughts and get it out there. Now we can work on it.
**for reference he was googling “couples who break up after a baby” “why does my girlfriend complain so much after having a baby” “attention seeking girlfriend”
If he would have just said something I’d have explained it gets lonely at home with the baby and my thoughts, he works so much and with the sleep deprivation, etc. It’s hard.
But we talked about it and it’s all good…Its nice when his bestfriends became your friends too
She needs to make time? I’m sure he can too. Goes both ways.
Just make it happen! Newborns require a lot, but you can all 3 snuggle, let the baby swing a bit while you spend time with your husband, make him his favorite dinners… just do it! Never stop loving on him
Start scheduling date nights one a week or every other week! Gives you time to rest and regain a little sanity and gives your husband some much needed tlc too
Speak to him in his love language. Show him love in the way he receives love (this may differ from your own). It’s normal for babies to take quite a bit of our time and attention especially at first, but our spouses still have needs and wants that matter too. Communicate with, and prioritize him.
But wait! You don’t need another child on your hands. Everything seems to be the woman’s responsibility here. Did he want a child? Then be parents together.
Always have a date night for the 2 of you. Have him spend quality time with baby. This way he feels he is needed by baby too. Go and take a couple hours for yourself. This way he doesn’t feel like your looking over his shoulder and this gives him a sense of security of trust and understanding from your point of views.
It doesn’t sound like jealousy more so like he’s feeling ignored and left out. He still needs to feel you love him not just hear it. Make time for the two of you even if it’s a date night in. Make small gestures of affection towards him. Include him while you play with the baby together ect.
Right now… I’d schedule some date night or once baby goes to bed at night speed some quality time w your husband. Watch a movie… have some dessert. Try to do this at least a couple times a week. Not sure if baby is sleeping through the night yet. Hope she is… I promise things will get better soon… right now this little human needs you… and she needs your husband… she needs y’all to be good… so just communicate.
You really need to just work on making time for him too. Set up date nights every so often. Try to give him some attention when baby is napping. Include him on things you’re doing with baby. If you’re sex life is lacking, make a day of the week to do that. Just make an effort and make a schedule if necessary.
Pick a day of the week and do date night. Just you and him.
This is so sweet. Date nights is an obvious answer most people will give… but also Give him baby time so he can develop that attachment to the baby too. Play w the baby together. Make sure he’s just as involved and he knows how much you appreciate that. Spend time as a family. Cuddle on the couch n watch a movie while baby has tummy time. Men generally don’t develop that attachment to their child until after it’s born where as women usually develop it in pregnancy. He probably doesn’t feel like “dad” yet. You don’t HAVE to ditch the kid in order to be close to your spouse.
I had a boyfriend who got jealous of the amount of attention I was giving my new puppy…
They become fragile when they lose the spotlight, no matter how temporary it is.
Talk to him. Reassure him. Make his favorite things for dinner once a week. Ask about his day…. And encourage him to participate in taking care of the baby so that he feels included.
Having a new baby is a massive upheaval for everyone, and men tend to feel helpless during pregnancy and that first 6mos-year when the demands on Mom are never ending.
Things will smooth out once you guys adjust.
Biggest thing I can say is INCLUDE him.
The fact that he’s jealous over your guises biological child is a little crazy.
He needs to man up and get over it!!! ￼￼
Haha! You had three years ALONE before baby, so yes it’s hard to juggle time but your child is your number one priority then spouse I think. And he should be interacting with both of you now not just one or the other
I’m sure in a few months yall will get everything worked out
It is important to let him know you feel the same, but this is short lived. The 5 years flies by SO fast….and then time opens up again once in school.
Maybe he can help out with the baby?
I’m sure he is jealous. He misses you and all the time you used to spend with him. Is he involved with helping with the baby at all? Set up dates for just you and him. Maybe have him take over baby duties while your fixing dinner. Try to involve him as much as you can.
This is a very common problem with new parents. Hang in there.
Try and get a trusted sitter and do a date night a couple times a month. If that’s not possible, perhaps you can dedicate some time to him after baby is in bed. Cook his favorite meal or order what he likes. Listen intently when he talks and try to avoid the topic of baby (just for the date, not never lol). Let him know how much you love him. Maybe even send him a spicy text message randomly!
It can be a tough balance but making time for both love and motherhood is possible. Just don’t deplete yourself doing it. Communicate about your feelings with each other. Babies grow. Schedule change. Routines are established and then reestablished. We get so caught up as new moms, it can be easy to forget that dads have feelings too.
You have to set time away each week for the 2 of you. Go out on a date and keep your relationship thriving. It’s so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day routines that we often put our relationship on the back burner, especially with a new addition to the family. Try not to forget that it was the love you have for each other that brought your daughter into the world. He’s probably just feeling left out - not being included in your day anymore, etc…
When you both are on the same page and your love continues to grow for one another, that is when everything seems to fall in place perfectly as it should.
I completely understand a newborn takes up a lot of time and they do baths feeding diaper changes figuring out why they cry etc but they also sleep some and you can put them in a bouncer my point I you need to have a date night with hubby and you don’t even have to go out fix his favorite meal and watch TV together or whatever you have to do what it takes to keep the sparks alive in a relationship or it will die out. Best of luck to you and your family
You don’t need to spend every waking moment with your child. You have to spend time with your husband or you’ll end up being alone ,divorced or cheated on.js.
By not doing this. Make tike with him. Hire a babysitter once a week for a dinner date. What do you do when she’s sleeping. Take some of that time and focus on him. If you’re not willing to stop letting every waking moment and sanity focus on her, you’ll eventually lose him. Gotta make time for the people you love. It’s as easy as that
I think i was in this situation too after my daughter was born. She it the light of our lives and after working full time and taking care of housework and baby there’s not much left in me to give. Luckily my husband loves my daughter and spoils her with attention just the same. Some men may understand more than others
hopefully you can get a babysitter to give you time to go out, perhaps for dinner, movie etc., He needs your undivided attention from time to time. He loves you and wants to enjoy uninterupted time with you.
A decision you must make for yourself.
Make time for your husband, choose a date night so y’all can spend quality time together it’s so hard when you have a new baby but you have to make that time for your spouse as well
How would you feel if
a lot of husbands get jealous they aren’t the baby any longer
How would you feel if he was obsessed with a new friend and pretty much left you out.
Make a date night…get a babysitter and devote 3 or 4 hours to him. It will keep your marriage on track.
I recommend he grows tf up. Just personally.
Get someone to watch baby once a week and have date nights
Involve him more in the baby care. Do it as a couple, or give him more responsibility so he can bond with her & you can refocus on him. If you find you’re obsessing over the baby, get therapy. Build your support network so you have lots of options to go to for child care so you can focus on your husband more. Remember, if it wasn’t for him you wouldn’t have a baby! If you’re not having sex regularly, fit it into your schedule.
Show him the love and affection you always have. Schedule a Date night. Whether you go out or not. After baby is in bed . Eat dinner together. That’s your time to catch up.
Cut out some time for just him before he seeks the attention elsewhere.
You’ll have to start making time for him. Find a sitter a make date nights. Try to make an early bedtime for the baby and spend some time watching TV with him until she wakes up for a feeding. Don’t forget time for romance and passion. Find a sitter if you need to. The baby is old enough to be away from you for a few hours. Take some time alone.
There…seems to be a lot of…umm…negative opinions on here about your husband.
A lot of assumptions from people who don’t know him or even you.
My advice here is this:
I would take a step back for just a minute and put yourself in his shoes.
If things were reversed…if he spent every second of every day giving all of his time, attention, affection, and energy to “his” (bear with me. I say that for a reason I’ll get to in a minute) and had nothing left for you…how would you feel?
Would you be jealous of the baby? Would you be jealous of him? Would perhaps feel as though you were sort of on the outside looking in? Would you feel the same type of security in the relationship and in the family you’ve created?
If you answer truthfully, I expect, that you would have feelings about it as well. You would be “jealous” but the heart of that jealousy would be feeling a little displaced…a sadness. So to speak.
What would you need from him to help you feel secure in the relationship? Would expect him to drop everything else and cater to you and only you? Of course not!
But you would expect some effort from him.
I don’t feel like that’s unrealistic.
And that’s what you can give. Effort. Effort to have a better balance.
Start by asking about his day. Start by picking up his favorite drink or snack. Start by holding his hand when you’re sitting next to each other.
Include him as much as possible in the care of your child. That way you can share the experiences together. Also carve out specific time for just the two of you. Kids take up a lot of time but parents need to be able to connect as a couple as well.
Take some time to make him feel special. Don’t make a big deal out of doing it either. Maybe you’ll find you miss it as well. You 2 need a solid foundation so you can be the best parents. Remember it is good for your child to see you both happy and healthy.
He may not even realize he feels this way. He may feel guilty for the feelings if he does and it is pretty normal. Regardless if you want to feel that way or not. Babies take all the time and attention from everything. They change everything. Nothing can be done without considering the baby and you taking a night or even an hour to devote to just him can make the whole world of difference. Also, don’t forget you are still a person and you can do the same for yourself as well. It has only been 6 months. That first year is incredibly wild. Baby changes from a newborn to a toddler. Nothing gets regulated because about the time you find a pattern then you’re off to a new stage. Hang in there.
Even with kids it’s important to still have alone time and couple time and family time . It’s all about Balance . Put baby to bed and have a candle lit dinner together even if it’s just something simple it doesn’t have to cost a huge amount , it’s about the quantity time . I know you get tied as a new parent but it’s about making him feel special and important too . Include him with things with bub more , bathing etc . Xo
Schedule time… do stuff together when baby is asleep… find a family member to baby sit so you guys can have day/night just to yourselves… you have to plan it and work at ot… also…dad can help with baby duties when he is home… changing, feeding,etc to give you a break… so you can get some rest and have energy for yourself and for him.
Have someone babysit the baby that you truly trust and go out for a night and make it all about him.
Date nights are important! You’re still a couple. Make time for each other.
Tell him you have a responsibility to your child, he can do rhings for himself.
Childish husband and childish post. Why assuming, go talk to him and make sure he feels that way, if he does. Tell him to man up and go beat his .
I almost destroyed my own marriage that way. Your more than just a mom, your a wife also. . You have to find a balance for a happy marriage and happy children.
Regular date nights
Tell him how much he means to u often men are fragile creatures baby has put his nose out of place he will come round but dont pussy foot around him good luck with thebaby
Hard to say he’s “jealous” of a baby when we dont know all the details that would make you say that, instead, does he feel neglected? Is he adapting well to parenthood too? It’s hard to believe a grown man in his right mind would be jealous of a baby so dont assume the worst, you need to open up communication with him and ask, let him know you still love and value him the same. Maybe ask family for help or get a babysitter and do a date night here and there. Do/experience something together to rekindle your relationship, something small like cuddling up and watching a movie or planning a family outing.
Surprise him with a date night. Don’t tell him, plan it and go out just the two of you.
His feelings are valid, and make sure he knows that. He might already feel guilty for feeling this way if he does because he might miss your time and attention. Make time for each other.
If a husband wasnt making his wife feel special or loved everyone would be singing a diff song right now
Make time for him also include him in taking care of the baby. Have date nights every week.
You are in love… it’s intoxicating… but sounds like your hubby needs some tlc
Date night once a week!
I mean yeah, a baby takes a lot of time and attention. He has to understand that. Maybe include him more with taking care of baby, and try to have a date night soon. Even if you can’t get a sitter, once baby is asleep watch some movies and cuddle on the couch and have a nice dinner together
My first question would be do you include him your every waking moment in helping care for her? If he’s not helping start there and make time with just you and him also!
Is he letting you know that you’re important to him? In those moments reciprocate! Women take too much of the burden of everyone’s feelings! Tell him to get off his lower lip and change some diapers— he won’t have time to feel left out! He’ll be in there slinging shit with you !
If you have someone you can trust them go on dates just you and him stay late at night during the weekend and spend time together.
If you don’t trust leaving your baby with a sitter, try having a sitter come over and watch the baby ,while you and your husband have a nice dinner at home and watch a movie,that way you will still be close to the baby
Pay him some attention? Get a babysitter and go out on some dates? Love and spoil your child. Dote on your child. but your husband should still be A priority. Ideally he is the one your going to spend the rest of your life with. Your children will grow up and leave home and live their own lives. Its hard to adjust but communicate with him and work it out.
It’s hard to adjust, but gotta make the time.
How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Accommodate your partner.
To me this is common sense…
Make time for your husband, make him a priority, so small things that say “I love you”
You can still show him he’s important by doing small things for him. Make him his fav food, get him his fav takeout, get a babysitter and have some one on one time, have s e x with him girl. Show him he’s important, men need that type of thing even if they don’t admit it, they do. Affection is important.
I get it. Being a mom is important. But your relationship is her foundation. If you don’t maintain it, it’ll start to crack and crumble.
Your daughter will be ok playing in the floor for a few minutes while you cuddle on the couch.
If he feels ignored, why? If he feeps neglected, why? Life is about balance. He needs your attention and affection too.
l get pald 0ver $ 130 per h0ur w0rklng fr0m h0me. l never th0ught l’d be able t0 d0 lt but my buddy makes 0ver $ 16092 a m0nth d0lng thls and she c0nvlnced me t0 try. The p0sslblllty wlth thls ls endless.
When the baby is napping cuddle with him, make him lunch or something. Just because U have a baby doesn’t mean u have to get a sitter and go on dates. Babies sleep… I have 4, but the way it sounds how obsessed u are she’s prolly spoiled rotten and u can’t even lay her down but Do something while the babies sleeping.
l get pald 0ver $ 130 per h0ur w0rklng fr0m h0me. l never th0ught l’d be able t0 d0 lt but my buddy makes 0ver $ 16092 a m0nth d0lng thls and she c0nvlnced me t0 try. The p0sslblllty wlth thls ls endless.
My husband was a Trooper. I associated sex with Labour so we had to overcome some issues. He loved me and was living and kind. Then we had two more
Your husband sounds like a Big Baby just saying ! He should he needs to get over him self! How can I grow man be jealous of a little baby?? Just sounds stupid
If he helps with the baby, and things about the house, you’ll have more time for him. My ex never understood that. He wanted me to have time for him. But after working, and taking care of the house and taking care of the baby I was exhausted by the end of the day. You can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s easier to make time for him, if he’s also making time for you.
all men are big babies when it comes to their feelings… just go down on him and he will forget about it…
He probably feels like he was only there to give you a child because now that you have one you dont need him.
Its fine to love your child but the words obsessed and every waking moment is for her, sounds like too much.
He is probably lonely rather than jealous.
Have you tried giving him head instead of the usual, “here, damn”? If that, weed or crab legs don’t work, I’m out of advice.
Maybe try some soup and a diagonal sandwich with a forehead kiss.
Time for a date night, he needs to know he is still valued by you as a man and a partner and involve him more in helping with his daughter so that it’s not just you but both of you caring for her.
I think you need some rest! Get sitter and even if you have to cook the meal, set an evening for the two of you alone. Forget the kid for that evening and make you both the pre-baby lovers you were for one evening.
To woman saying he’s a big baby I feel bad for your husbands. they need love and attention too just like you do. Remember when your kids grow up and leave your partner will still (hopefully) be with you. Maybe when your baby’s sleep try to watch a show or just do something to spend a little time together?
Men get jealous from lack of attention when new baby arrives and they become 2nd fiddle. It’s not about him, now! You owe the majority of your attention to the new baby, who is helpless and never asked to be born. This child is your 1st priority. Hubby has to mature and man up!
Do something special for him everyday even as small as sending an I love you meme!
It’s actually really common for the other parent to get jealous of baby, just make time for the two of you when she’s sleeping
You should definitely make sure you have time for your husband too. I completely understand the excitement that comes with a new baby but remember he has physical and emotional needs too. Just don’t forget about him.