Please realise that the source of your frustration is your own ambition. If you want something then YOU need to be the one to work for it. I’m not just saying that either!
My husband does not have the same type of ambition as I do & just wants to lead a quiet life. As often happens, opposites attract. I earn more than him because I push myself hard but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m happIER. We are both happy with what we do & how we live our lives. It wasn’t always that way but I learned to accept that he was NOT responsible for achieving my goals; I was. He could help where possible but it’s not up to him. It’s up to me.
I plan & pay for the family holidays & drag the family with me everywhere on vacation. Even on holiday with them it takes extreme restraint not to plan every hour & pre-book activities. Sometimes we only get to do half the things on my list but that’s fine. It’s nice to go home to the peace & sanctuary of coexistence with him after the buzz of my day.
If you have a vacation bucket list then you gotta be responsible for ticking those boxes. It’s good role modeling for the kids too 
Best wishes!
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He is right
You don’t live to work
You work to live
85k is more then some working people in Australia get per year
I don’t get why people need to have expensive family trips
What’s up with going camping for a week or two in a cabin
And having just some family time
Go old school and look at budget family holidays
Besides do you have the capital for him to open a coffee shop plus the costs to keep it open (wages , insurance, stock, electricity, buisness taxes licenses/permits)
9 out of 10 businesses fail in the first five years
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Sounds like yall need to save that money instead of planning family vacations 
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Sounds like I would be more worried about him telling my to stfu and stop complaining.
If y’all are having money issues then he needs to address that. Not push that ish aside.
My husband makes 80k and we have 2 children. I don’t work and we do family vacations including Disney world. Not sure how you can’t afford vacations… but maybe look at what you are spending money on that maybe you could cut back on. If he’s working a full time job, then he’s doing his part already, if YOU want more than YOU have to make it happen. Otherwise be happy with what you have.
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I lived off 30k a year as a single mother… it really could be worse
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Lol. Seriously? If the vacations are what YOU want, then why aren’t YOU out there working the overtime to make it happen? You can’t force someone to value the same things you do, nor can you expect them to be as driven as you seem to think you are. Maybe you’re not as driven as you used to be here either, since you wont work overtime or another job for it either? You choose him the way he was. Now all of a sudden, because he does match you in every single way possible, you’re complaining? If you’re both working full time, and neither of you are looking to work more hours, then something here has to give. It would be absurd for you to continue family vacations if you can’t pay for it out of your current income. Are you gonna value your vacations and extravagance over your husband? If so, he’s not the problem. You are. You dont need to go on vacations to make memories with your kids. You can do that at home, or even closer to home, and save the extravagance for when they’re older and will appreciate it more.
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He’s right. He doesn’t want to live to work, he already works full time, why be mad at him because he doesn’t want to work even more?! Life isn’t always work work work. He needs to live as well.
Maybe move to a cheaper area? There are tons of family adventures that are free or cheap. Do you want your vacations or a happy husband?
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I would really appreciate a 2 income household, sometimes people should be grateful for what they have.
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85K combined income and u can’t make ends meet wtf do u spend it on? Also if he’s fine living like he is why don’t you just go on the holiday.
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A lifestyle chaser are we.
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Depending on where you live… To be honest, In SA R85k per annum combined is not alot… You won’t be able to rent or even buy a property with that kind of money. Its under the belt. But again, it depends on where you live and what your expenses are. What kind of vacations are you looking at? We usually go camping twice a year and save up during the year for it. Are you able to save?
I also think If his work offers overtime,he should be taking it… Just saying…
All the best.
Wow… maybe he wants to actually spend time with his children and not work 7 days a week…if you want more money, get a better job.
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Hey neither of you are in the wrong here, sadly just different. Can you live with it?
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This sounds like something that should have been discussed before the wedding cuz y’all clearly dont have the same idea of what’s important to the other
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Your husband isn’t really lacking ambition…it sounds like he’s not trying to “keep up with the Joneses”
And you know what? That’s ok.
If you want a vacation so badly…why aren’t you willing to work overtime?
Those are his kids too.
Why is it you can’t do it because you’re a parent …but that same standard doesn’t apply to him?
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You both need to make a list of your priorities and then compare them… then compromise.
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$85k is not much here near Bay Area California. Keep grinding girly!
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Not sure where you live, but we’re in Texas! My honey makes around that amount (6 figures after all of his bonuses - he’s a luxury home builder) and we live so comfortably. We pretty much act like those bonuses don’t exist and they go into our savings. We don’t pay for a bunch of subscriptions or services, we budget and track our spending, we do everything we can to keep our bills/utilities as low as possible. We have a 5 year old and a 10 month old. We don’t live paycheck to paycheck, we have an extremely comfortable life without financial struggle. I DO understand where you’re coming from BUT I also get what your honey’s mindset is. We don’t live to bow down to work, we work to afford food/water/housing and the rest is just a bonus IF possible. I’d encourage you to read “The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian! It gives some AMAZING insight on how a man’s mind works and how we can encourage and pray for them without making them feel small and disrespected. Not saying you’re doing that! It just might help give some perspective, especially when it comes to how his mind works with his job. 
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I read this post thinking I could relate my partner does nothing except cook dinner if I’m too busy. I don’t see the issue if he is working full time he is doing his part maybe work on the budget might help. 6onrhs ago I had our second daughter and haven’t been able to go back to work because of her and because I won’t get vaccinated but I begged him to get a job since I left work while I was pregnant due to really bad hypermesis and I was 7months pregnant but can’t hold one longer than a week cause ehe just decides not to go today. That is no ambition. I ask him about the future and he says he wants to own a property but he won’t work towards it. Since I had baby neither of us have been working so I had to make money somehow I started trialing different ideas and am now starting 2 businesses one online and one at markets. I said to him I’m fine if he cannot get motivation to work at least help me with the kids or the cleaning ir animals or even do the business stuff with me so we earn more faster. But nothing he cooks dinner a few times a week otherwise he plays games. That is no motivation.
If you want more get it yourself believe me it feels better when you earn it yourself too. He’s doing his part according to what the post reads as. But honey the rest if you want more get more if he wants it hw needs to do so too otherwise go on your hard earned vacation and forget about it.
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I can’t relate to unambitious men. Both parties should want to elevate their standard of living. “Not living to work” is an excuse for laziness.
Sorry!
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Sounds more like a dependent than a partner?
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You sound like a stuck up selfish b@#$@
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As a single grandma now I don’t even make close to 85k a year and I go on vacations All the time! You and your husband definitely are doing something 
wrong
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You are absolutely irresponsible if you 2 grown people can’t make it happen with 85,000 grand annually. I live extremely easy with everything paid for, except the truck, have 10 more payments on a brand new 85,000 dollar truck that I purchased last year…yea that’s right, last year, dropping money on your big purchases to pay them off quickly is the smart thing to do. Do you know you can pay your utilities in advance? I stay in the negatives with my bills. I take beach holidays every year, just started up home business, 40 grand start up, have Roth IRA’s. Multiple retirements. My thought is and I’ve seen it with my own eyes, you guys need to stop eating out all the time and wasting money on things you don’t need. I know I couple who are always and I do mean always broke, they have an extra 2 grand a month after bills and they smash that 2 grand into their mouths eating out every meal. If you can’t make it in 85 a year, you are the problem.
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He sounds burnt out. His mental health matters. Pay more attention to your mans needs and maybe he would feel better about himself and be more ambitious.
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You don’t control other people. Next time date someone who meets your standards
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Try making only 30,000 im not making it, have had to move in with my daughter. I don’t even know what a vacation is anymore.
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I’m sorry, but how are you not making it whenever you’re making about 85 Grand a year? Somewhere you messed up on your finances. Or maybe you had a champagne taste when you only had a beer salary at the time. I don’t know, but I know that if my boyfriend and I made that much, we could live comfortably and still save money for family vacations. We do things as a family and go on little adventures now, when we aren’t working. He does pick up a lot of the slack because our schedules are kind of weird and he has a great job that he loves so I take on the responsibility of picking everyone up and I leave my job at 3:30 so, he works longer than that. Because someone has to be there to get the kids. I think that maybe you guys could cut down on some of the things that you do have and save money that way. But if he is working full time, I think it is kind of selfish to ask him to work overtime just because you want more. If you want more than let him stay home with the baby and you go work overtime. Lots of people do it. I just think you sound selfish.
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Uhhhhhh…80+k a year? Girl… Y’all screwing something up. I’m s under 36 and I go away with my kids 
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Lmao my family lives on an income of 25000 a year with 2 kids and i dont work. Something is soo off with your finances if you can’t make it on 85000 unless you live in a shit state like ca, ny, or, wa, pretty much any shit democratic ran state.
Some people just don’t have the motivation to do better. If he isn’t growing with you leave. End of story. You can not make anyone do anything or grow individually next to you. Have a serious talk and if nothing changes then you know what you need to do
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You and your husband seem to have a different idea of what “living comfortably” means to each of you. Not sure what your monthly expenses are but I think alot of people can live comfortably off of $85k a year. It isn’t wrong to want more for your growing family though. Especially with the rising cost for just about everything these days. It also isn’t wrong for him to not want to live to work. For some as long as there is a roof over your heads, bills are paid and there is food on the table all is good and they can rest comfortably. Communication is key here. I would suggest having a serious talk… not when things are already heated. I feel it is important to always start with recognizing the work you both put in for your family this way you can feel that appreciation for each other before dipping into what you don’t like and what you want changed. Let him know what you want for your family and what you would like for him to change to make that happen. Marriage isn’t easy, especially when you add in becoming parents. Communication is the only way to get through all the hurdles
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I’d have to call it quits
If he is working a decent, full time job then he is doing his part work-wise. You haven’t mentioned what anyone else does in the home outside of work. Who mows? Cleans? Cares for the kid(s)? $85,000 is ample to live confortably off of. Living comfortably doesn’t include luxuries. He’s telling you working his life away for vacations isn’t what he wants to do for himself, and there isn’t anything wrong with that. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have ambition. All it means is that his goals are different than yours. It sounds to me like YOU better work for the goals YOU want to achieve.
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I hate how a lot people saying 85k is a lot money is a lot …it’s not . Some may be more blessed then others and in some areas 85k could be barely making it . Some people have more bills then others . It sounds like he’s not the best with money and he’s okay with the bare minimum and you want the best . It’s hard to find common ground. This is why I left my ex I was the bread winner and always found a way to get into Financial problems🫣 Hopefully you can get through to him . 
I make way less than you. I make a car payment and I have a second car that is paid off. I’m a single mom. And I go on one real vacation a year and I go to Great Wolf Lodge anywhere from one to three times a year (for one to three days). You can take a vacation. You sound selfish. Your probably over spending. Your probably trying to pretend your rich. Quit playing keep up with the Jone’s!!! Stop over spending!!!
If you wanted to be rich you should have dated people to your standards!
This sounds like a YOU problem! Your man sounds like he would be happy regardless of wealth! You won’t ever be happy!
My cars are simple cars not super expensive luxury cars. The one paid off is a Ford Focus. The car payment one is a simple Ford Escape! I’m not trying to be nothing I’m not! My daughter wears simple clothes from Kohl’s! Not special designer clothing. I wear clothes from anywhere and everywhere. Hell most or all of MY clothes are given to me by my older sister! 
I love hand me downs!!! I keep it simple! 
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I feel it’s not fair he needs to work his life away just to provide money for u. He’s also a human being and maybe he doesn’t want to work his life away like you only to provide materialistic things for his children. Maybe he actually wants to spend time with them instead of working 2 jobs. Why don’t u get another job since u have all the ambition and he can take care of the kids after work?? If you are so pushy about more money then you figure out a way to make it.
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Me and my husband make only 64000 combined and 19,200 goes directly to rent… and we still go on trips and stuff… and still pay 800 a month on bills and groceries…
Your spending habits seem high … people shouldn’t have to work themselves to death… and just cause you chose to workn2 jobs 7 days a week doesn’t mean your husband has to make that same choice… nope sorry…
Me and my husband make around 35000-40000 a yr, with that we manage to take care of all our bills and still go on vacation at least 2 xs a yr. The past yr we have actually taken in another child putting us at 3 and just signed the papers on the second house we r buying. It definitely seems like u need to reevaluate ur spending.
