My husband is a good father when he is good. We had our daughter eight months ago. He has been very loving, attentive, caring, etc. since birth. However, he struggles with his temper in general in life. He sees an anger therapist (per my request) as he often has one reaction (anger) to anything. He has never physically assaulted me or anyone, but emotional/verbal can be bad enough. He does not do this every day, but whenever he is frustrated, he will get upset. Most recently, he watches our daughter when I go to work, and he wakes up with her primarily. He will get frustrated at her at times when she is crying and tell her to shut up or knock it off. I yell at him, but this is rare for him to do. When I do, he tells me I am overreacting and that it’s really not a big deal. I have given him an ultimatum, he needs to work on it, or he needs to leave. I don’t fear of him hurting her, but I do fear eventually his words will hurt her. It is one thing to do to me, another to do to her…I will not stand for that. My question is, what would you do? Please don’t judge too harshly for either party…i am just trying to figure out what to do for my marriage and my daughter…Daycare is not an option. Neither is quitting my job as I make the majority of the money. I just feel sad and lost. I love my husband, but my daughter comes first…
If he’s losing his temper enough to yell at an 8 month old infant, he probably shouldn’t be left alone with her.
Leave him. She’s 8 months old for pete sake.
I’d leave. my ex started like this then it was items being through or broken near me. It does get worse if it’s not stopped. Please leave for both of you. Maybe if he fixes up, you can work it out. You need to leave now xx
She is a baby she cannot control her crying. He is an adult and can control his yelling.
Just because the baby won’t remember doesn’t mean it isn’t still abuse. My ex was the same way with our child, and I flat out told him if he was going to keep screaming at her, he could find somewhere else to live.
If he’s yelling at your eight-month-old right in front of you imagine what he could do with you not around. If his temper is that bad you need to leave￼…
Dear, I agree w/ you, words can and do hurt!! If he can’t get it under control do leave!! Yelling at a baby is pretty dumb and will not do any good!!!
I would say it’s not even about leaving him that I’m concerned with. He shouldn’t be alone with the child if he can’t mentally handle it
He’s yelling at an 8 month old? Are you serious? Gtfo!!!
How has this happened more than once without you losing your shit?
All it takes is a bad enough day and someone will get hurt.
Shes 8 months old and he is yelling at her that’s never okay . I wouldn’t trust him with her by himself bc if he is doing that in front imagine what he is doing when you’re not around . Tbh it just doesnt sound safe at all
It is never okay to yell at an 8 month old. Stick with your ultimatum. If he doesn’t stop, leave. That could do serious damage to your daughters mental health.
I’d make him take parenting classes too. Obviously the anger classes arent working and I’m a lil bit scared for your baby it only takes one moment to snap. Maybe you can find another care giver for your child too
Don’t leave that baby alone with him.
My own sister started out with yelling then eventually abuse…she would scream at her 1 year old starting when she was 6 months. I made her move in with me 2 keep an eye on them but it got worse and when she grabbed my niece by the arm and threw her across the room i was done…i threw her ass down the stairs and told her 2 get out but she wasnt taking her kids…it does get worse
Tell him not to yell at the baby. She’s only 8 months old
I mean…has no one else lost their shit? Been aggravated? I dont think that makes him a future abuser.
I’d talk to him about consciously realizing when he feels this way and find a new therapist.
Cause we as mommas go thru PP and its absolute hell. When the man has issues, hes abusive and angry and it’s time to leave, when it sounds like anxiety is the problem and not anger.
First off, document EVERYTHING. If he starts to yell at her start recording and call him out. Record his yelling and his reaction to you. Secondly start making arrangements to leave. Thirdly file for emergency custody and push for supervised visits.
If you do not want to leave, go with him to his therapy appointment and mention this to his therapist. Maybe coming from an outside party it will get through his head. ￼
You said he yells at her then says he TELLS her. Make up your mind.
So just so you know even if he leaves that won’t stop anything… he will have some custody so he then can yell at her when your not there unless he gets rights taken or signs them away so make your choices wisely what he’s doing isn’t okay I’d try to get him help and if that doesn’t work try to get the courts to not let him see her alone and not just with his family
A: she’s 8 months and they can be frustrating because they don’t know how to communicate what they want
B: screenshot this post cause it’s only a matter of time before she pushes your patience to that point also
Words hurt that poor baby will be affected by him shouting. First 2 years of a childs life is important. I would not be debating what to do I would take my child and leave . Take leave escape it will.only get worse. Go now. Xx
He need anger management, therapy and possibly parenting classes … but have you asked him if he is okay? … woman aren’t the only one who can get ppd after child birth… and there could be alot more going on than you think and he doesn’t know how to handle it .
I would not be leaving baby alone with him, ever!
No way would i leave him alone with her all day imagine if he flips one day it takes 2 seconds for that too happen. Shes a baby shes going to be terrified of him growing up he goes or your baby will end up going via social services or something more serious.
Leave him for your daughter’s well being, do it now before something awful happens.
He has no reason to yell at a infant. I would say until he can not yell at your daughter he needs to figure it out outside your home. Its not good parenting nor is it ok to yell at a infant
I understand the frustration…but he needs to find a better way to deal with it asap! Maybe he can sing what hes thinking as a start, so she doesn’t have to deal with his angry tone.
Please find other child care this is how children get beaten to death. If you have fears don’t seek advice do what is safe for your child. It’s harder for her because she’s gonna be afraid of him whenever she does something. He needs a break from her maybe cut down the days he takes care of her because men don’t have the same mentality as a woman their anger and rage is different.
Tell him to knock it off its not like she understands.
Shes 8 months and he’s yelling at her? I mean yeah every parent gets frustrated. But no… What’s gonna happen when shes sick or teething really bad and won’t stop crying?
In the first 6 to 7 years, all that is said and heard is stored in their subconscious…their behavior later on in life can really be affected. Verbal abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse. If needed…separate…become a at home daycare…so you can earn money and still be with your little one. Sometimes we have to make change because it is what is in our child’s best interest.
How do you ask a question in this group?
So youre saying he watches her all day, wakes up with her, takes care of her but gets frustrated!?!?! Geezus woman help him out maybe? Give him alone time sometimes. Everyone gets frustrated.
Have you ever heard of shaken baby? This reeks of it.
I wouldn’t let him stay alone with her / I’m not sure why childcare isn’t an option but they have vouchers and things to help if it’s about money … but I don’t trust that situation one bit
Ummm I remember yelling at my baby…and then sobbing like crazy minutes later. It happens. If it isn’t a constant thing that’s not getting out of hand, try teaching him different ways of coping and handling the situation at hand. I assure you, the older she gets…there will be a time or two or ten that you yell as well.
If he’s already behaving this way at 8 months… I can’t imagine his rage when your child begins expressing emotion. The tantrum years are challenging.
It’s obviously not okay to be yelling at an 8 month old but you said he does it rarely so not all the time. I’m in no way excusing his behaviour but as a parent I can honestly say I have yelled or lost patience at my kids when they have pushed me too far and happens to everyone no matter what the kids age is. Not everyone is going to have perfect parenting days. You said he has been going to anger management classes which is great! Keep supporting him with that and work together on better tactics he can use when he does become overwhelmed or frustrated. If that doesn’t work then I would be considering leaving. However in saying that you have said he is a good dad and this is not a constant thing of him yelling at the child so I really don’t think it’s enough grounds to just walk away from him. Put yourself in his shoes, he may be depressed and stressed as well. It doesn’t just happen to mums
At 8 months old what is there to yell about? Idc that would be a deal breaker for me. I understand getting frustrated but I would never yell at my baby or allow anyone else to. Hopefully you figure something else soon. I’m sorry I’m no help at all because I wouldn’t tolerate it at all!
As a bipolar stay at home Mom. You need to sit back & break it down with him.
Everyone is saying leave him, report him, etc. Don’t. Try going to his therapy appointments, work with him! Maybe give him ideas on how to cope with the crying. But he needs support. Being a stay at home parent is hard.
Maybe call him on your lunch break & ask him how’s he doing? Try sending him you got this text, if you can’t! Be supportive.
Your husband needs more intensive therapy. Men also get PPD, but there may be a reason why he’s lashing out, specially if it’s been that way before the baby came. In the mean time, I wouldn’t allow him to be alone with your daughter. Granted he’s more good than temperamental…but there too many stories of people snapping and taking it out on their kid. If you feel he’s lashing out on you too, perhaps couple counseling and parenting classes for him will help as well. If all fails, it’s time to leave, cause as you said, your daughter and her safety is first
I would be worried about shaken baby syndrome. Its not something you can always forsee. Sometimes it just happens.
Sounds like he may need anger management.
My husband is the same way. He would never hurt my kids but yells sometimes. As do I. I just cry after or give kisses and explain myself.
I’d just remind him there are other options to resort to other than yelling. Or pitch in when you know he’s stressed.
She’s 8 months old ?! Oh wow no.
Anger issues…that’s good hes going to therapy
Although he needs to want to change
Those classes could not be working
I would say art therapy
But in reality he should have common sense and not speak that way
We all say shut up
We all get mad
We all yell sometimes
We all see others faults before our own
I’m not excusing him…I’m just saying we’re not perfect
I think its fixable but he has to notice the physical symptoms before he explodes
So raised temp.
Wheres the source of anger coming from-Anger in the heart or belly or head?It matters
Begin breathing exercises
Whats behind the anger…usually pain. Maybe it’s a very bad childhood where he got shit yelled at for minor things…he know no other way of parenting and needs new healthy habit…no to get revenge for his shitty past.
He has no patience for his own daughter
Everyone is saying…leave
Hes yelling not hitting
And although it’s still psychological abuse, verbal…its not quite what dhs looks at for an abuse case, in case u wanted to report.
So I would say…find out the source of the anger
He needs to do more self care
You say day care not an option…why not?
I think he may be suffering from post pardum depression for men
It’s a real thing…and needs separate counseling beside anger management
Many take that class as a joke
He should try venting out his anger at the gym
Or going for a run
A lot of the time people are angry becuz they have zero time for themselves.
More self care prevents anger rages mode
You r definitely not in charge of raising your man…hes suppose to be ur partner not another child.
So you can separate .get daycare help and see how that goes
So he doesnt like fatherly role he doesnt have patience for kids
Always keep in mind, you have to keep baby safe, from all, hear me ALL harm in any form, period!! Because she can’t do it for herself and there is no, NO telling what he’s like with her when you are not there. He may yell, or even ignore, who knows. Unless you have a nanny cam that you can verify he’s not being verbally or otherwise abusive, and neglect is absolutely abuse. So the answer is perfectly clear, protect your baby at all cost, no matter what. He may be going to therapy, and need medication, who knows but you can’t just say he won’t lose it completely while your gone unless you have a way to witness it. There is not waiting til if he does it again, because that may be the time he won’t be able to control his anger and go too far. And that can’t be taken back. If separation is needed til he proves beyond shadow of doubt he’s got his anger managed and under control then separation it should be.
Anger is a secondary emotion. He needs to be honest about the root of cause of his anger and yelling.
Your child witnessing him yell at you isn’t healthy for her either.
He yells at an infant? If you don’t get your daughter safe that’s on you.
Listen…I’ve def yelled at a baby when I was tired lol I was a in school teen mom and sometimes all babies do is cry tell him he needs to just leave the baby somewhere safe and leave the room for a second. Babies are frustrating. But ultimately you know him better than us so you need to decide how safe he is with her and how bad the yelling is. Idk. I’m a yeller lol my kid just knows that’s how I am. It doesn’t bother her. She knows I get stressed easy and pushes my buttons til I yell she’s a lil asshole. I mean yelling isn’t going to hurt. My mom yelled and my dad beat my ass and I can tell you I would much prefer my moms anxiety yells lol but like I said it’s your family and you do what’s best.
I know you say he is a loving man. I question what loving man yells at an 8 month old infant? You don’t want him to hurt her emotionally. He has already imprinted on her & the imprint will last a lifetime.
You & your husband are both responsible to raise this baby in home that will prepare your child for the world. What messages are being sent when she is being told to shut up because she is communicating by crying.
If your husband is seeking anger management assistance, he knows he is suppose to stop the moment he feels the twinge of anger & choose a replacement technique. By the way, I teach anger management. I praise you & your husband that he is trying. He really needs to work it everyday. I don’t think he feels good in the least bit about yelling & being angry. But, he needs to step up, game on. He has a baby that he will impact in a negative way if he dosent understand his anger.
No court is going to stop their father from seeing their child over “yelling at a child.” Even if we know it is wrong but it is the truth. She will still have time with him alone where he can yell at her. My question is do you want him alone with her or do you want to be there to cool down the situation??
My husband has only been here for half of my daughters life as he works in the oilfield and has since she was 8 weeks old. He’s gone two weeks and home two weeks. But when he was home when she was younger he didn’t understand that they cry about everything that’s their only way to communicate and he would get frustrated too especially when he had a headache and he would be like be quiet! And he would raise his voice but I just had to tell him to stop because she didn’t understand why he was yelling and he didn’t understand why she was crying. But as she got older and he started watching her by himself while he was home so I could work some he understood her more and now. If you fear for your babies safety leave. If not talk to him about it.
He should continue with his therapy but increase it to once a week if he hasn’t already.
No one should ever yell at a baby. Although babies may not understand the meaning of the words, they do understand yelling and it scares them and hurts their emotional development. What’s worse is that he downplays his actions, and gaslights you by saying you’re overreacting. If someone makes a mistake and yells, they should at least admit they lost their cool, apologize and work on not doing it again.
Stopping him from emotionally abusing a baby is not overreacting. What happens when she’s in the loud, screechy toddler phase? How will he handle that if he cannot handle this?
I’d leave and consider taking him back only after/if he improves with therapy and shows accountability and remorse for his actions.
I can’t believe how many people are saying they never yelled out of frustration a baby I have yelled “brooooo what the fuck do you waaaant” more than a few times to a baby lol
Why is daycare not an option…? Sounds like she’d be better off there.
If hes getting help for his problem give it time it’s not a switch you can turn on or off try helping him out some every parent get frustrated and I happen to be a yeller just cause you yell dosen’t mean you’ll shake or hurt the baby maybe you both should have counseling together as well as him continuing anger management
I yelled at my baby when she was probably younger. Definitely not proud of it, and it wasn’t her fault. I was going through horrible PPD (still am). Since he is seeing a therapist, he should bring that up. Ask him to. He needs to get to the bottom of what’s causing his anger.
In the meantime, it might be a good idea to find another source of childcare. At least for now.
Omg. Yelling at an 8 month old to shut up or knock or off? Run far away from him. Seriously. Your poor daughter.
Also if hes getting really frustrated its perfectly acceptable to leave the room so long as the baby is somewhere safe for a couple of minutes to calm down
I think u are making excuses for his behavior by saying not all the time it only takes one time to cause life time damage and saying I’m sorry doesn’t do it get help been there done that have a daughter who disowned me because I wasn’t there for her
Record him and latter when he is in a calm mood play it back to him so with his own ears he can hear him self and how harsh he sounds and talk to him about it.
I’d leave him tbh. Let him sort himself out then when he can stop shouting at a innocent baby think about getting back together!
What makes him crack, that’s what needs treatment, and for now I wouldn’t let him watch the baby,cut some exspenses and take her to daycare until he’s done with the treatment,yelling at a baby is like hiting the baby
My hubby does this too. You’re describing basically my exact situation actually. Hubby has anger issues (which he has under control mostly) but when our son is crying and he doesn’t feel like dealing with it, or it bothers him he tells him to shut up or to knock it off as well
Tell him he needs to go to anger management. Depression for some individuals manifests as anger, or is masked by anxiety and frustration. How is he screaming at her? Across the room? In her face? Not that either is good. It’s definitely something to be worked on because she is so young, she has no other means of communication and he needs to be more patient. Parenting classes and anger management and individual therapy to figure out where the problems lie.
The absolute first step I would take is installing a hidden nanny cam to see how he acts when you aren’t there.
I would also tell him he HAS to seek treatment or he has to go. Period.
Believe it or not dads can experience some post partum depression too. Having a baby is a big change for everyone.
Make it clear that you will support him every step of the way but that this cannot go untreated. It is never normal or okay to yell at a baby. Ever. He may need medication or he may just need some therapy to figure out what kind of coping skills he needs to adjust this behavior.
Something is going on for sure! Good luck mama. I hope he agrees to treatment!
Bruises will fade, words will be on your mind forever
If she isn’t there because she works then how does she know it’s ‘rarely’? Doesn’t sound safe to me. He can’t control his emotions. I wouldn’t be leaving her alone with him.
He needs to continue to work on himself so he doesn’t have those outbursts or for him to minimize the times he does. leaving will do nothing in my opinion except cause you to worry because when or if you break up with him he will still get visits with his child because in your words he is a good father and he won’t be there during his visits at least being there you can keep an eye on it. I don’t think you understand where his anger is coming from if he had some sort of traumatic life or event as a child that will cause PTSD which will cause anger outburst. He needs to make sure he’s getting the appropriate help not just for the emotion of anger. I don’t like how people act like they never lose patience with their children and are perfect parents. I tell my kids to shut up when they’re being too much and I have never heard them physically. It’s not easy taking care of a child 24/7 I can honestly say I’d rather be out working then taking care of children 24/7 but it’s just not feasible right now. When you both start to feel like you’re getting overwhelmed with life find a babysitter and go do something together to relax. Give him credit for the things he does right and lovingly correct him when he does wrong. No one is perfect!
She is 8 months old I repeat only 8 months. She doesn’t do anything to be bad she cry when she had a need a need. What do you think he going to do the first time she spills her food pulls out the DVDs or messes with the tv. When she is three and has a little attitude. It’s only a matter of time before he loses his temper and hurts her
Would love to chat, feel free to PM me.
I would be afraid to leave the baby with him
My husband was like this. I ended up sending him to a psychiatrist and he ended up on antidepressants. It has helped a hell of a lot. But he was also diagnosed with severe ppd. Yes guys can get it.
Wtf in the hell is he holler I g at an eight mo no old baby for
why are you even asking this question this baby who in their right mind raises their voice at a baby your baby is at significant risk of harm he is talking like this imagine what he can do
Do you know how many babies die every day from “shaken baby” episodes??? If he’s yelling at an 8 month baby that has no idea what “ shut up or knock it off” means , and will of course continue to cry, how long will it before he shakes her or worse??? Make him move out until he sees a therapist and proves he has his temper under control. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is worth leaving your child in a potentially harmful situation. Don’t be one of those people that thinks that could never happen to me !
Your husband yells at your daughter who is 8 months old??? Get out asap.
Yelling shut up is sooooooooooooooooooo not okay.
I understand his need to release anger, but simply yelling will suffice. I can’t tell you how many times I have yelled, nothing imperticuler, but just a frustration call, to let off steam 🤷
Babies cry. She’s 8 months old. It’s okay to be frustrated and need to take a step back. But there is a line, which he’s well over by yelling shut up or knock it off.
–i really bad ppd, I found myself yelling why alot, not at my baby, just life, However I would of never told my son to shut up. Guys also can get PPD. But it sounds like this is a larger issue
Mental and emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse the physical abuse heals but harsh words and temper never heals you need to have him leave till he can stop yelling at the baby she is the one that will have the hurt and anger issues if you don’t put a stop to it now.you love your husband and I’m sure he loves you and the baby but take a step forward before your daughter has scars that won’t heal, she will be nervous, bite her nails be scared of anyone don’t put her thru that if you have your husband leave till he can control himself when she criesif he truly loves you and the baby he will change his ways for her sake.
If it were me, I would find someone else (family member or friend) to watch my daughter while he worked on his anger problems and I would not leave him alone with her. If finding someone else to watch baby is not an option, I would set up a nanny cam to watch him at home with baby while I’m at work. I don’t care if that would violate trust or whatever, baby’s well being comes first.
Yelling at an 8 month old is just sad and probably making her cry more !!! Daycare needs to be an option because this guy sounds dangerous
Leave your baby with grandparents before you leave her with your husband. He’s not emotionally capable of raising a child obviously. He will ultimately traumatize her and she will end up with someone verbally abusive later in life.
As long as your daughter comes 1st & you’re aware of issues , hopefully all will be ok.However sometimes an angry , frustrated person will hit .Maybe attend sessions with him & help him with tools he’s given and be sure hes using what hes learning …otherwise …RUN
Unfortunately this is something that you saw coming. You can only enforce what you said. If he does it again you need to make him leave. If not they are empty threats and he won’t do anything to change the behavior.
Not to bash anybody, but your baby is going to expect from her men what she gets from her daddy. Is this acceptable to either of the adults in her world? Is he willing to get more help than anger management? Maybe parenting education classes? His limited coping skills will be maxed out pretty soon when she screams every time he gets near her, or she learns to crawl under the furniture. I’m afraid this won’t end well. Good luck and lots of comfort.
Umm when people get frustrated of course they are going to yell not run off to a corner and meditate. Personally I think you’re over reacting. With everything you said its not a daily thing. Babies will learn what they can and can’t get away with which may or may not lead to behavioral problems as they grow up.
No , sounds like a full blown narcissistic tendency . Be careful
Ask ur family to help with ur daugther and ask ur mom,because him yelling at her when she’s Little is only going to make her become tramatized, ur husband t put her on a stroller and take her out for a walk or to visit he’s mom or even have his mom to watch her a while babie’s get bored too somtime’s even a car ride or at the park being around other babie’s help this is better than yelling she’only a baby she just want’s attention but her Block’s so she can play with even toy’s,or read her some stories
by overlooking and excusing his emotional and verbal abuse of yourself it is silently giving him the green light that it’s ok and you will overlook this same treatment of your daughter and by your post you know its a problem and not ok so you really need to act on it now before damage is done x
Ment buy her Blocks’s
I wonder what Erica Sneider Benn is would do? She’s so smart!
You said he sees a therapist, well he’s trying but change sometimes comes slowly and no matter how you try as parents you will screw it up somewhere. It’s ok, the ideal that is push is something that would be fabulous but I yet to meet new parents living up to it. Threatening him will not help any one. Work with him with his new learning things. Ask what you can do to help. Listen and share what you need encouragement for. It’s working together for the future of your child.
Stop leavi g your child with him if you are unsettled with his actions it’s time to let him know the dangers that he is creating on his child. … if he refuses to listen maybe he needs to leave for a while and hopefully sort out his anger issues… Tell me why is he so angry was he like this before you married or is it because of the children having another one maybe is affecting him.
If it’s rare and only when he’s fustrauted… and goes to therapy. You need to be there for him and chill. If my husband got mad at me everytime I lost my shit and yelled at my daughter I would have happily told him to get tf out. Unless he’s actually calling her name’s ect it’s not even mental abuse. Kids are fustraiting and at least he’s working on it. Some people are to willing to give up. If something that small sets you off to leaving him… he should leave you and find someone that will be there and help him. Not yell at him. Parenting is hard.
If he does that in front of you I would be concerned about what he does when you’re are not around.
It depends on your definition of yelling. Both myself and my hubby are guilty of raising our voices to our kids and telling them to shut it. But we are humans. Is he really being verbally or emotionally abusive? I can’t tell from your post. My father was very emotionally abusive and still is and it’s more than just telling people to shut up when you get angry, in my opinion. I’d give him some time to work on it, if it bothers you and he can’t seem to stop it then maybe he needs a break from watching her some days of the week.