My husband stops at his moms house every night at work: Advice?

What would you do if your husband literally stopped at his moms house every single night after work to eat whatever she made for dinner and visit…before he even came home to help me with the kids or anything i need…i stay home all day every day keeping up on the house and kids and look forward tyo seeing him before bed and to have dinner with him…but literally every night he stops at his mamas house for an hour or more…he says shes old and he wants to spend time with her and i get that but what about me

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband stops at his moms house every night at work: Advice?

Are you positive it’s his Moms?

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I’m conflicted. I would ask him if he was willing to every second night? I’m extremely close with my mum so I’d probably do the same if I could :sweat_smile: but not every single night

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So she wants to see him and only him?!!!

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As long as it’s actually his mom’s he goes to… Maybe surprise him one night and be there with the kids when he gets off

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Was he doing it before the marriage? If so then leave it alone, don’t try and change him now you already accepted it

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She won’t be around forever and then you’ll feel bad that he can’t see her

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How long does he stay?

Meet him at his moms…with the kids.:laughing::+1:

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So pack the kids up and go there to eat also

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I’d tell him that it’s ok but not every night. Maybe once or twice a week. He has a wife and kids that also want to see him and he needs to spend more time with you guys.

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maybe he is just checkin n on her…physically

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He could take the kids there with or without you or invite her to your place ? … :relaxed:

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What’s wrong with you? That’s seriously cringe

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are u Sure he definitely going to his mum’s?

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Ay gurl it happens with them mama’s boys nothing will change but let Him be it’s his mama and when she no longer around he gon be all urs n ya kids embrace it

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Damn, I do the same with my momma. That makes me a bad person?!

Is she elderly? Does she have any visitors regularly? Woukd you want your kids to abandon you in old age?
How about st first ask for Fri Sat sun of just u and family see how that goes

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Like it’s been said as long as it’s actually his mommas he’s going to
Pop up with kids. It is his mom and your would probably be hella upset if shoe was on the other foot and he was to say something about you stopping by your moms house.

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As a mom myself this is awesome, as a wife myself this is awesome!
My mother inlaw isn’t around anymore and my husband misses her dearly

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My dad did this every night he was home. He drove a truck for a living. Doing that among many other things is what led to my parents divorce.
Your situation may not be like that though. Im just telling you from my personal experience.

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As long as you are sure he’s going to his moms I’d just talk to him and y’all come up with something that works for the both of you.
Ex:maybe one of his off days y’all have dinner with her as a family and one night a week he can stop in and have dinner with her after work.
Explain to him you understand he loves her and wants that time with her but his family he made loves him and wants time with him also!

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Imagine you’re the mum :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: enough said!

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Simple solution… have her move in with you guys… :woman_shrugging:… he’ll be home, and you get help with housework or cooking and she gets to see her grankids

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You said he goes there to eat? Have her teach you how to cook what she makes then invite her over to your place

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I’d let it go…some day his mom will be gone, and wouldn’t you hate if he resented you for keeping him away from her

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My mother takes care of her mother-in-law, daily. And for everything. She keeps that woman going. Her own mother died almost 10 years ago. I myself help take care of my mother-in-law. I am also a stay at home mom and my hubby works…A LOT. I encourage him to see his mom more. My mother is my best friend so I myself see this as a wonderful thing he does. Take the kids over there, all of you go out, have her come over. There are options. A mother’s love is deep and forever, no matter what age or time in life.

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How about a compromise or take the kids there and have dinner together?

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Maybe you can stop by with the kids a couple of days a week at some point. So he knows she had some company.

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I hang out with my mom everyday and if my husband said I couldn’t I would punch him in the dick and tell him to fuck off but he knows how much my mom means to me and he would never put me in a position to choose between him and her I bring my kids up and spend alone time with her my husband is very close with my mom too maybe you should try having a relationship instead of sitting at home meet him there when he gets off work I’m sure his mom would love to see her grandkids

I’d think he is a good son. Why don’t you meet him over there and join him???have dinner-spend time with 3x generations (while precious time is left).

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It’s cool a couple of times a week but every day? That’s excessive. He married you because he wanted to be bonded to you. That’s always going to be his mom but I mean he said his vows to you for a reason

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I would meet him there with the kids. Less cooking for you more time for them with grabdma

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Bye Felicia stay with your mom

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Lucky her. I hope my son tends to me half as much as that when he’s grown…

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Hop in the car with the kids and head to grandma’s too…

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3 nights with her, 3 nights with family and her, and 1 date night just you two where she watches kids. It is not fair to your family they don’t get to have dinner with him, and you can’t exactly go see your parents if his mom always comes first. She will pass on one day, but unless he invests time into your family too what will he have afterwards?

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Maybe ask mil for cooking tips lol

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Sorry I understand someday mother may pass but he’s loosing time with the family he created. He had enough time with her growing up. Not saying he should stop completely, but he does have a family of his own. He should at least have y’all go over every night instead of eating alone.

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Meet him there :woman_shrugging:t4:

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What’s it matter if he helps as soon as he gets home. Meaning that’s his hour or 2 of alone time after work and when he gets home and helps you do what you need to do to wind down whether be you time or spending time with him. An hour or 2 is nothing as long as he’s still helping and available when home

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Coming from someone that has lost her mother. Good for him! I regret and wish so much that i had spent more time with my momma while she was still here… I dont see what the big deal is? Thats his mother! Let him visit her while he still can. Infact u should take ur kids over to see her everyday too! Life is way to short…

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Ask him to bring me left overs home :rofl:

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Could be worse… he could be cheating on you! Instead he going to see his mother :joy:

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All y’all saying you hope your sons treat you like this? Y’all will be contributing to their future divorces if you encourage/enable this kind of behavior to this extent.

Teach them to be good partners, to think about how their spouse may feel, to make them feel appreciated, etc. Him doing this every single night is excessive and he is neglecting his wife/family. There has to be a reasonable middle ground.

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You need to cook like his momma

Bless your heart. Better to be rewinding at mama’s instead of at a bar. Let him spend time with his mama, sounds like she’s a good cook too. I also think it would be great if you would go a few times a week too. And you said he’s there about an hour. As an older mom, that would mean the world to me.

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I’d call mother in law and ask to give her a hand in the kitchen so you and kids could come too and do dinners with her as well. That way if that’s merely a cover-up excuse he’ll get caught

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Why can’t you talk to his mom and ask her over for dinner and become close with the mom

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So that’s what he calls her,

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talk with him about it. if its to visit try going with him. To soon you will lose them .

That depends entirely on how old she is. If she’s over 85 I don’t think it’s right to complain. I remember my Noni got so lonely. Dinner with a loved one every night is great. Maybe you guys can invite her over do you can all have dinner. Having an elderly family member can be difficult, you’ve got to have more patience.

Under 85 though maybe see if she can make some friends doing group activities she likes so she doesn’t need to rely on her son for socializing. Then maybe he can go once or twice a week without either of them feeling bad.

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Join him there !!!
Or ask your MIL to join you guys at your house if possible

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Why don’t you all do there 3 days out of the week for dinner…

Why don’t you ask to go over some nights as well.

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Do you know 100 percent it’s actually his mums his going too ?

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He loves his mom …I take it your jealous :smirk:

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Is she at the end of her life? If she’s receiving hospice then it’s something you need to work through as a family. Otherwise, you need to be higher on the priority list.

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Are u sure he’s going to his mom’s or is he cheating on you

Do you get along with your MIL? Maybe you could ask her to have dinner with both of you & her grandkids.

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Same exact thing posted a few days ago

Maybe he doesn’t like your cooking :woman_shrugging:t5:… idk

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Let him spend time with his Mumma. One day she will be gone. Leave him be

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If it’s only an hour I don’t genuinely see the issue.
Just take it as an extra hour at work. He could maybe dine with you though and just sit with his mother while she ate. She’s a long time gone when she does. I’d give anything for one more hour with my MIL

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Let him be its hes mama there not around forever they are the souls of every person heart

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id pack up kids n drive over make sure hes there bring dessert n surprise n join them

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Let him see his mom and bring leftovers

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Take the kids and go meet him there everyday

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I’d go join them :woman_shrugging:

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Meet him at his mama and all war there!

From a wife of a husband that lost his mother and father in 2 years. I would say let him see his mama. We have 5 kids and I was a stay at home mom for several years and worked part time several years too. I looked forward to him getting home after work for dinner, help, companionship. But let me tell ya he passed the turn to go to his parents home everyday on the way home and since losing them besides the two years of him being lost afterwards he talks about how he wishes he would have turned and stopped to visit more often. Once they are gone you can’t get that time back . I lost my dad this yearly very quickly and I miss him every day !

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Sounds like you need to spend more time with your Mother in Law!!

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I’d go see if he’s really at his mom’s. Every evening, huh​:thinking::roll_eyes:

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Ask for her recipes bc he obviously likes what she makes. Unless that’s not really what hes up to.

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My ex was like this. That is why he is my ex…among other reasons, but this was one of them, except it was his dad

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I understand where you’re coming from. He created a family and that should be his priority. He should make time for his partner and children. But. He only has one mother for only so long… I do feel like the amount of time that frequently is a little much. I wouldn’t be thrilled about missing out so much time with my husband or my children missing out on that time either. I would talk about it with him. Let him know how you’re feeling. Come up with a compromise. Less days or less time. Maybe load the kids up and go join them. Have him bring her to your house for the night. Let her have time with her grandkids as well.

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Have a talk with him about it and see what he says, orrrr…Go there one day before he gets off work, spend some time with his mama, she can also spend time with the kiddos too :slight_smile: (if you guys get along :woman_shrugging:t2:) this is something you should bring up with him for sure. Good luck with everything!

I love that. Why are you complaining? :roll_eyes: its an hour. I think you’ll be ok

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That would pee me off too. Like go c ya kids and ya wife or partner then take a child or 2 to ya mums house a hour then come bk and spend bed time with u. I wouldn’t allow that at all. Once in a blue yeh but not every night I’d take his clothes n tell him go live there if the kids do ya head in or me.

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Talk to him about you all Meeting up there a few times a week and him coming home to y’all the other days let grandma see the grandkids, get you out of the house and you don’t have to make dinner sounds like a win win situation all around :blush:

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Meet him there with the kids :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Im sure she would love to see her grand children also, meet him there…mention that to him and let us know his response than we will advise you on what to do…
Good luck mumma

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You and the kids should be his first priority. He need to set a day to visit his mom. But not everyday. If his mom is old. Then how she cook the food. He’s lying to you. Or check if he’s at his moms house for real :face_holding_back_tears:

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I would ask him If he can do it Every other night so he can eat with me & the kids. I would not have a probleem with him dropping by his parents. I love that hè has a good bond with them and it shows good manners and respect for his parents. He is still there Son and I know they love seeing him (and me & the kids, all of there kids & grandkids)

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She can’t be TOO old if she’s still cooking full meals for dinner every night. Tell him to cut back to every other night.

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Get a job
But seriously meet him there with the kids, but you’ll probably find out he’s not even there…

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id say that his mum raised a gentleman who looks after his mum… that shud be respected and admired.

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My ex husband done this and i never had an issue with it. He loved to spend alone time with them and i totally stood by him.

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Be rest assured he’ll be there when you get old too sheesh :roll_eyes:

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Yeah that’s overkill. His priority is you and your kids. His mum shouldn’t encourage this type of behaviour either. Once you’re partnered and with kids, everyone else is extended family

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my husband or I would give the world to be able to stop every day and see our moms

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If I could spend time with my mum I would she died when I was 16, not going to lie your post angers me slightly. Allow him to spend time with his mum while he still can. Just cook and enjoy dinner with your kids, don’t cook for him, you know he eats there.

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You only have 1 set of parents, make the most of it

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No offence but what about you she’s old he wants to spend time with her this shouldn’t be an issue I find this lovely and I hope my boys Continue to visit me and have dinner with me when they grow up

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Say he can go 3x a week of Wich one of those days you will be there with kids the other 2 he is there himself and the rest of the time you expect him back to help do dinner bath and bed with the kids that’s fair x

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Why can’t u just meet him there then. So his kids can see her too if she’s getting too old. I completely understand what he’s doing but he shouldn’t leave his family behind to go see his aging mother he should be taking them. Either that or that’s the sign u cook terrible and need jesus

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leave him be it’s his mum wish i had mine still
if my dad lived close i’d visit him every night what’s an hour or so

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His mum won’t be around forever
And why not saves her being left alone it’s nice some don’t bother at all which is sad

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I would love to see my son everyday, but when he married I knew he was leaving us to start his own Family. She (His Mom) need to tell him to go be with his family. It is selfish of her to let him.

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