Find a job. And get ur life in order. If you work things out great, if you don’t great. Thats the glory of being self sufficient. Do you have any chdren?
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Get your ducks in a row first !!
First go to the bank and get yourself a debit card if your name is on the account. No need to tell him about that. Next plan to leave and withdraw at least 50% of what is in the account before telling him you’re leaving.
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Can I tell you… I was in the very same position but with other added nonsense too.
LEAVE. It was the best thing I did.
You are more worthy of this!!
He is and will always be a narcissistic controlling ass. You cannot change him. But you can decide what’s best for you and your emotional, mental health… you deserve a happy life filled with peace and joy not living in toxicity 
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You need to leave him. Why in the world are you worried about being left? Oh please move out become a independent person he is stealing you don’t let no one control you
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He cannot leave you with nothing after 21 yes of marriage. What you acquired together while marriage is half yours. Don’t let him intimidate you that he can leave you nothing. He can’t. Take what money is in the account you have access too, and hire a lawyer, if you are ready to leave. Sounds like you need to. God bless u+
He’s already left you once but you chose to keep yourself in a financially dependent position? Tell me how you thought that might lead anywhere but right where you are.
You need to find a job and open up your own account. Look into school if you haven’t been.
As for your marriage—it doesn’t look good, sister, so you better decide to look after yourself.
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Begin becoming an independent woman.
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Let him go back to his mother he sounds like a controlling tantrum chucking old brat. Really 21 years U put up with his shit🙄if U can handle that Itl be a piece of cake living & enjoying life again on ur own
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My mama always told me we live the lives we choose to live…with that being said if u don’t change it and fix it, it will always be like this!!! Good luck girl. It might be hard but it’ll be so worth it! No one should live with that feeling always constantly worrying and wondering if today’s gona be the day he leaves!
He is keeping secrets and doesn’t respect you. LET HIS MOMMY HAVE HIM!!! Get a job and get a divorce!!!
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- you have the right to access your marital assets and funds just as he does. Never give away that right. 2) are you raising children? If so, he has the privilege of working all day and earning money because of the fact that you are home project managing the house and children. His money is your money. 3) have a discussion with him with the goal of defining everything, and agreeing on who is responsible for the what, so there is no confusion or gaslighting afterwards. For example, “you agreed last week that you would (be ok with, take responsibility for) (this)… are you not a man of your word? What other measure can I use to gauge you if it’s not your words?” And keep defining from there.
If he is controlling the money by not allowing you to have a debit card to the shared account that is financial abuse. If he has left before and came back and things are no better maybe it’s time to rethink this relationship.
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Get a job and get your own bank account.
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I see a lot of why’s? After 21 years you’d probably know him (and yourself… and your relationship) better than any of us… my advice is…just be honest… at least with yourself.
Get a debit card of your own.
Try a different bank.
Good luck x
You have a man-child, not a husband. Mother-in-law needs to know her boundaries also and stop treating her son like a child.
If, after 21 years, you worry constantly about him “leaving again” pack your bags and walk away. After all this time, he’s not going to change.
You get one shot at life - and it’s extremely short in the scheme of things.
You deserve peace of mind. You deserve equality.
You deserve happiness.
You need to start thinking about how U are going to survive without him
Are u in a situation to start working even casually
Go get urself a bank account just with ur name without telling him start putting money into it from here and there and if it does work out well that’s great u have a little savings
Girl get yourself a good lawyer and leave his ass! He’s treating you like a child and controlling your every move it’s not right! Your supposed to be his equal and you can’t even have access to y’all’s money that’s a big no for me. Secondly he’s telling everyone about y’all’s problems but when you want to discuss them he’s mute on the subjects at hand. You deserve to have a happy uncontrolled life and someone who values you as there equal. You have two options as I see it try to fix it and hope he’ll change after 21 years or leave and be happy. It will be hard at first after 21 years but eventually you’ll find your peace of mind and freedom and nothing is better than that!
My head hurts just thinking about it.
He has you sleeping on a fence. Start getting yourself together, just in case…
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Get a job and be prepared for his next move
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Ok you know what this is no good. Seems like u.dont have a leg to stand on no matter what you do. Telling others about your personal.issues going to his mommy about them you have no control with the money? You have to step.back ask yourself what is this seriously Go for marriage counselling or leave. If it doesn’t work out you’ve got desicions to make. Good luck
Go to the bank and get a card. Take half and leave.
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I would say get a job and prepare yourself with the financial tools if he decides to leave.
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Get a job and your own bank account but before he finds out you getting own acct you go get card to his if a joint one and get the money out and put in your acct.
I would advise seeing a lawyer to protect your rights. Your mil sounds like a piece of work, your husband too for that matter. I’d let him go live w/her; sounds like they belong together. Good luck.
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I would worry less about who your husband chit chats too and I would get a job open a bank account secure yourself. Car savings etc. Thennnnn maybe worry about other stuff
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I lived like this for almost 10YEARS. Finally I got the courage to leave on day after a unwarranted attack. I left with the cloths on me and my sons back and a carry bag. LET ME TELL YOU (and anyone reading this)IT WAS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE. Within a month that weight of “HIM” and all the anxiety and distress and worry, I had saturated IN for YEARS, literally disappeared. It’s been 3 years and I SWEAR I have never been happier ALONE to this day. Peace of mind and tranquillity are priceless, once you realize what it is to have it. And what you need to do to keep it is far less then what you are going through to keep that Narcissistic MAN. Let him GO and go find HAPPINESS. YOU deserve it after 21 YEARS.
Make yourself independent. You will be better without him.
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Before he leaves you, leave him
Contact an attorney you’ve been married a long time you’re entitled to 50% of everything
Since you’ve not worked you may get alimony… I don’t know the laws there but you definitely won’t be left high and dry if you act first
People only treat you as bad as you allow them to
If you stayed home to raise a family that’s a job
Not sure how old you are but you can look for employment again and don’t allow anyone to control your money… ever
He sounds like an ass and a mamas boy
You can do better
I know it’s scary after 21 years but move on and find happiness
Im no threat to any one… What yall fail to realize is this situation is beyond me… I’ve never been a conversational guy. I was seeking understanding from my family only too be lied too and lied on. For there own selfish reasons. Clearly im not the problem. I’ve yet to expose anyone or harm anyone. That’s not my intentions. Im far from perfect but im not who they say i am either…
You go no where you kick His arse out. Get a job and live happily ever after. Goodluck 
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I do not understand why A womem feel she can t live alone. Why women take abuses from Men . Its Times for us women to learn to be independent. Work for your owe money. So men cannot show theyself on you.
Get a job and get some independence. You’re to reliant on him and he knows it.
Call the bank and get another debt card ordered…since you don’t work right now, you can get the mail before he does.
I think it is degrading to a spouse not to have access to a joint account.
Put applications in everywhere by the time you get the bank card, you should be starting a new job.
The problem right now is you are completely dependent on him for income and it’s about over, it’ll be easier when you aren’t dependent on him so much. When you start working open an account for your income, in your name.
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If you are both on the account go get a card.
Get rid of him, get a job, your own accounts, be happy.
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Get lout now!!!
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Let him leave and move on !
So I know you live in Canada and you can ask for spousal support. Go see a lawyer and get a legal separation first then look to get a divorce. You can also get half his pension, it’s the law
Get a job and your own bank account. Don’t let him control you like that. If he wants money tell him you are willing to get a joint account with both having access to the card
You don’t need his or her permission to have a bank account. Go and open one and begin putting money in it. Get a job if that’s possible. If you have family or friends who can help you, reach out to them now. You need some support. If there are free clinics for health care by you call one and make an appointment. He is controlling you with his mother egging him on. I’m sorry you are in this situation.
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Not sure where you live, if your name is on the bank account I would get the debit card, then find a place to live ( people rent rooms cheap) then drain the account if your name is on it you can take it all I’d leave $5 just to be a smartass, and while you’re doing all that file for divorce and in most states you can get half and spousal support. He is financially abusive, emotional/mentally abusive, and if he has physically abusive all are grounds for divorce. Also get a protective order on him to make sure he stays away and then it can help with him not being able to bother you or his mommy for that matter. After 21 yrs and his mommy says that well hell let her have him she clearly isn’t to smart most parent tell you to work on it or help she sound like she’s part of the problem. Be smart document everything and make sure you have all documents yourself ( birth certificate, marriage certificate, bank account info, mortgage, etc…) and get a lawyer as well. Good luck be smart, and ignore the asses with their snarky comments, it isn’t always easy to get out of bad relationships!!
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It sounds like you already know what you need to do. Take the money you have access to, get a job and move on. Leave his ass with nothing before he does it to you. He is not acting like a husband, he is acting like a father.
Mine leaves me all the time. I just make sure I have income to keep paying the bills. He ends up coming home within a year. Then I take a break and let him pay. So if u want a life time of uncertainty stay with him. Or find someone that will love u right. I’m waiting for a new man to love me right. God will provide 
.
Good luck, you have to make a stand.
For crying out loud get out now if you can you don’t need this.
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A woman should NEVER put herself in a situation where she cannot support herself without her husband. Get a job, go back to school and be self-sufficient.
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Your probably the issue
Why would you want to be with a person that you don’t know if he wants to be with you or not. You deserve so much better. For someone who loves you from the heart.
What’s keeping you together? 21 years is a long time…do you love him? I think that’s the first question you need to answer…if you don’t love him then you have your answer …you need to get a job either way you need to be financially independent…as far as I’m concerned if couples don’t share money then there are trust issues?? But you should have your own credit card with your name on it also you should have your own debit card just my opinion
You don’t mention if there are children in the mix. If so it’s beyond time to think of how hus behavior is affecting them. Either way, you need to part ways with the mama’s boy you’re married to. Make use of a shelter if possible/necessary. Find someone you trust and move anything of yours that has sentimental value, your extra clothes etc to safety while he’s at work.
Find a community help association and work with them to set up bank cards and anything else necessary in your name. I wish you much luck. Be strong!
You’re husband is a jerk and so is his mother. You’ll be better off without them
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His an asshole, believe me…
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Your worried he will leave?? Please…get a job save without him knowing take EVERYTHING and leave!..u can do better then him he’s a loser move on…
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Leave him that ain’t no man… thats not what a husband suppose to be like… a man is supposed to give u everything especially if u had his kids… get a job and move on
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I see alot of advice that says leave him. And maybe that will eventually happen, who knows. I think your decision making needs to start with you. Are you happy, secure, confident, independent? If the answer to any of these is no, than you have some big changes to make. Don’t have a debit card…go get one. It’s your bank account too. Financially insecure…time to find a way to make some income. Long story short, make decisions about what makes YOU healthy. If he is the right man for you he will want you healthy and will be right by your side. If not, well 
.
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If you guys have a joint account y’all should both have a debit card. There’s no reason u shouldn’t have one to. Has he denied you getting one
Get a job, get a bank account, and stop relying on that man- he will respect you for it.
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Divorce, get an attorney get your half before he leaves you with nothing.
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Let him go and find peace. You need it after 21 years of that!
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Get out now go into the bank in person and take all the money out show him how stupid your NOT. Then take yourself off the account.
get a job and stop letting him control you! if he wants to run back to mommy so be it!
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He doesn’t ask your advice because he doesn’t care what you think. He will leave again and he will make his mum happy by going home to her.
That’s him.
Now you. I don’t know why you aren’t working but your own income, from a job or gov support is what you need so you can leave him and his mum and get out of a situation that has no love in it.
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Get a job and become independant, own bank account. Take control of your life
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Remember… Which ever way you choose… His bills are your bills. But I have to agree with the others, leave his ass. But before you do make sure your name isn’t on any cards jointly… And I don’t mean asking him. You all have Been married for 21 years. He left you before, be quicker leave his sorry ass. And get yourself a lawyer for the divorce, my first marriage I just wanted out after 18 years was tired of the mental abuse, daughter was 12…if there are young kids it’s tough, but not for the kids but for the grown-up. I realized that the older the child the more difficult for the child. Your mother in law sounds like she doesn’t like you. But there are always 2 sides to every storie.you need to become independent. Will make you feel more alive. Don’t know the whole storie but from what you wrote he is a mommas boy.he is in control of your life! I’d get out. If your name isn’t on the account you can’t get any money don’t need the card if it’s a joint account. Go to the teller… I’d get a job, my own account , a lawyer and leave. But only you know what is behind the storie.
Get a job and protect yourself.
Am sorry but ur husband has no r respect for you. Shame on his mother too. Let him go u deserve better… He is a mommmy boy 
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Wow. I had a mummy runner too. The last time he threatened to leave, I packed for him. Never spoken to him since x
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Contact refuge or women’s aid they will help you , you need to break free from this control
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See a lawyer. It’s abuse. Subtle, but no less abusive for that.
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If your name is on the account go get one from the bank
Online banking is huge right now, you can transfer money Online, look at where the money’s going online…
Call the bank they will walk you through how to get online
When your spouse takes to other people instead of you the relationship is over, the spouse wants to be justified when leaving, so every one he talked to will think you had it coming because he’s only sharing the bad things
He’s didn’t start acting like this over night, when someone shows their true colors do try to paint a different picture
That’s called financial abuse and it’s not okay. Call the bank and get a new card if it’s a joint account. Then open a new individual account with a different bank. When you get a new job, put your money in your account.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband talks to everyone about our issues besides me: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Go, save yourself the stress. If he really wanted to work it out-with you- he’d talk to you. If there’s even a chance he could leave you with nothing, you shouldn’t be questioning yourself right now.
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Let him go. He sounds like he really wants to be a victim and is controlling
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Someone link a divorce lawyer
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Get a job and leave.
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This sounds way deeper than talking to others about your problems, you just described financial abuse at minimum
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Get a job and open your own bank account. Start saving in case he does decide to take his mother’s advice and leave you with nothing. I know this is hard but you need to do what’s right for you.
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For starters, open your own bank account.
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Don’t wait for him to leave again… Get yourself a job and leave him and his power trip first.
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Get what you can for yourself before he takes it all and leave
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If you are married it’s 50/50 isn’t?
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Start saving an emergency fund if you haven’t already. I hope your name is on the checking accounts.
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This is abuse domestic violence/abuse is more than physical violence. This will never change best thing for you is to file for divorce. Get a job if able to open your own bank account and save as much as you can.
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- Get a job. 2. Get a bank account. 3. Get out.
That is financial abuse
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Cashapp all the money to yourself out of the account and leave…fu*ck that shit
You’re being abused. Leave. They don’t change.
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Open your own account slly take extra money here and when shopping. Until you get a job or he stops being controlling. I made mine take care of EVERYTHING cause I wasn’t allowed on the account.
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Financial and mental abuse.
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He is a momma’s boy Get a job and leave him. Your not helpless.
My ex husband did this 2 me all the time as well and it was with anyone that would listen were divorced know I’m much happier know than ever you should see him know he looks like a angry bird
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21 years and this is happening?
Say goodbye. Think about that for real. 21 years??? Nah. By then communication and shit should be figured out. This is playing games and bullshit.
My father taught me years ago never to rely on a man. Go get a job.
I’ve been guilty myself talking to my father on issues as well. He listened and supported my decisions. I don’t fault him on that.
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Get a job keep your own money move out and wait for a real man.
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Yea that’s not right to talk to everyone else about your problems instead of fixing them but in his defense with the way things are today it takes 2 incomes and if your not working it’s probably putting a strain on the marriage and finances but you knew he was controlling so if I were you get a job and be independent come and go as you please and start saving money get ready for whatever happens but if he was controlling before it’s not going to change move on
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Sounds narcissistic and so does his mom, based on her response she does not respect or care about you.
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