For heaven’s sake. See an attorney, Get your act together and kick him out.
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Seems like narcissism and financial abuse.
He’s seemingly going to everyone about your problems under the guise of seeking advice, but what he’s really doing is accumulating people who will sympathise with him. Nobody is hearing your side of the story, so they believe he is the victim in everything. How can they decipher what’s really going on. He has left you with no means to support yourself, as well as nobody for you to turn to. Get a job as soon as you can, and open your own account. Reach out to as many friends and family as possible for moral support.
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Get a job and fend for yourself
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Hmm. Thats odd. My and my fiance have been together nearly.4 years. When he was the only one working he gave me one of his credit cards so i could get anything we needed if he was at work and stuff.
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First, open your own account. Don’t let him have access to your money when you work. Secondly, I’d file for divorce. After 21 years, you’re likely to get assistance from the court in obtaining your fair share of items so you don’t have to completely start over.
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Id try to get a job and start lining my ducks in a row to leave.
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Wow! 21 years and he’s still running to mom? Please the two of you need some counciling. Do you have a Pastor or someone you could talk to? Maybe he goes to mom because he doesn’t know where to turn to either. Talk to him. Make him listen and say lets talk to someone about our problems and work this out. Relationships take a lot of hard work and talking is the beginning.
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Only. You. Know what. To. Do. It’s not fair. To you. And his mom. Must be a real bitch
Get a lawyer and leave his ass. Talk about control freak .
Why can’t you look for a job and be independent, trust me you won’t be afraid to lose him, the only worry you have is what if he goes where would start from. Stop being dependent and no one will have control over your life. Good luck x
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take all the money out of your joint accounts and leave his sorry controling behind and dont look back
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Get a job open a secret bank account and get out as fast as you can
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If your name is on the bank account, you can get a debit card. That might cause more problems, but even if you don’t use it, it may come in handy down the road.Plus the knowing you have it, great fun!
Controlling the bank account is financial abuse. Set up your own account, try to find some work and work up to leaving. It will take some time and planning but you can do it
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Leave again?? You need to be the one to leave him by sounds of things.
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Leave again? Girl you better go. Start stashing money or get a job but do not put the money in a joint account.
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My ex husband done the same. Get you a job and start hoarding your money the best to your ability. Get an account without his name on it.
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Be sure you have a way to claim money in accounts. Get a job and some legal advice cause you know what is on the horizon. You don’t want to end up BROJE
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Bash him in the head big ass momma Baby 21 yrs
That’s financial abuse first off.
Secondly him running to others about your problems is him wanting to play the “victim”. He most likely tells others your fault in the problems and lies about his own faults.
Go to the bank if you can and clear out the bank accounts & leave.
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Pull some of the money out, start your own account, get a job & leave. He’s is still on the tit apparently
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He’s doing financial abuse
Go take that money load the car with needed items… and go report what’s he’s doing
I would pack my stuff and head to the bank to clear out half of what’s in it, because legally it’s yours, and I’d leave him in the dust…but that’s just me
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If your name is on the bank account, too…go get a debit card.
Girl…clean him out and LEAVE! Let his mama have his broke ass!
You’re worrying about him leaving when he controls everything? That’s the issue
He’s controlling. You shouldn’t be upset that someone who controls everything wants to leave, you should be relieved. Fuck that dude. and get a job.
Get work if you can and get a bank account just in your name.
Oh girl… please do not stay in a marriage where u are constantly worried he’s going to leave you! Or where he disrespects u and runs to everyone else to talk about yalls problems. My ex husband did that and it was absolutely toxic af.
Sounds like he is on the narcissistic spectrum and using other people to supply him with his need for external validation while disrespecting you. Find an exit strategy if you feel things will never change.
Leave first! Get a job and hoard every penny… no abuse is good abuse. Best of luck 
If your on the accounts pull money out little by little and put it in account with only u on it. Get a job and save. Tell him to go run to mommy and stay there. Say u need a real man not a child.
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Start being real nice to him, and try not to let anything arise. Get a job start saving money and the whole time your doing this just think this marriage is possibly over and think of it as you have a roommate. Try to make everything go smoothly. And save money get your own bank account with a different bank. This will work.
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You might want to start focusing on yourself. Get a job . Save and get tf away from him . Because this is gonna continue. And it’s time to think of yourself because if he decides to up and leave he can leave you with nothing than you’ll have nothing. So don’t wait around for it to happen .
Honestly it sounds like you could do much better on your own. I know that you’ve been with him for a long time but he isn’t doing anything but being childish and selfish. You don’t need that nonsense in your life! Its time to what is best for YOU.
Kiss him and ma ma good bye…
Let him leave and take half
If your name is on the account go to the bank and take money out.
mine does the same exact thing…to friends My parent my sister it never ends. which is one of his favorite lines about me. yep I’m a real lucky Gal. have told him for years do you think you get out of the driveway before they call or text? silly man.
Go to the bank and make a withdrawal owhen I needed the money. Then get a job and keep all of it. Work when he isnt home. Then I would leave as fast as my feet could take me. What a miserable life to be living with such a controlling person.
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I would talk to an attorney to find out what your legal rights are and what your immediate course of action should be if he does leave and withhold money from you. If you do take money from a joint account do not take more than half
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Get his bank card, clean out the account and leave his ass!!!
You weren’t born to live a life being controlled . You always have choices to make . Make the right ones FOR YOU
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I would find me a job and leave him.
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Think it through, make a plan, is your name on the account, if his is first & you 2nd. You can only take out a little at a time and open your own account. Try & get some job even if it’s at home, ex. Babysitting, cleaning hses. Save it & put it in your own acct. Do be foolish and leave & be stranded with nothing, make a plan.
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Don’t be foolish, correction from above note.
Get a job open bank account get out
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Yikes I’m more worried why y’all are staying together 
what and the control is goin on, y’all been together so long you’ll take half of what ya all have let his mommy have him. 
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If it were me I’d take advantage of not working and go to school (even online at home). Get you a degree and a career then hit the road. A husband shouldn’t control your money whether you work or not. Your in a partnership and sounds to me like he doesn’t know what that means. Life is too short. You deserve to be happy. Go find YOU!!
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I agree with most others. Create a plan. Leave.
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Leave you will be happier
My momma always said work for your own and a man can’t take nothing from you and she was absolutely right!!!
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I guess I am too independent but I will not let anyone have total control over me. I was madly in love with my partner and he tried to control how I spent money, Trouble is I was the primary breadwinner. I paid all the bills and bought the things needed for the house. He went from job to job, quiting if he could not get along with his boss. Best thing he ever did for me was to leave me.
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Yall have been married 21 years and he still doesnt allow u a card to the account? Plus hes running to mommy about his issues. I would be finding a divorce attorney. Not sure the laws there but here if ur married at least 10 years u r able to get alimony plus u can fight for the house in the divorce since he has a place he can go and you cant. To me it sounds like hes putting u thru emotional abuse especially since ur stating he has left once before
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Leave again?? I’d be out already
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Send that guy back to his mommy!! Find work, and stand on your own honey. You don’t need a full grown child to raise!
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BEAT👏🏼HIM👏🏼TO👏🏼IT!!
That ain’t no marriage, you’ve got to be miserable.
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This marriage will not work out since he goes around tells everyone ya’lls business instead of talking to you… leave him!
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Go back to work get your OWN bank account and start saving and let him go smh !
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If you are married file for divorce, get alimony & take half of everything. I would NEVER allow my mother in law or his step mother to try tell a grown man what to do. My mother in law is a trip & her & I hate each other. Which Im fine with. But when she tried to come between us was the last straw for me.
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Sounds like he is not financially invested in your guys relationship. Send him back to his mommas and know your worth
His relationship with his mother was probably very telling before you got married. Maybe you chose not to see the signs or assumed it would change once you got married. Perhaps marriage counseling would help.
Let him go siss! Seems like he comes from toxicity and believes in having control. As a mother, I’d never give my son that kind of advice right off the rip. I’m sure she wouldn’t want someone to leave her with nothing. That’s wild asf! That’s not how marriage is supposed to work. And if he’s already left once already and decides to do it again…let him go this time and stay gone! You can do better. Nobody deserves to be a doormat.
I stayed home and always had access to the money just because u stay home it should be both of yours. Get put and then collect unemployment. Before u leave take the money out if the joint account since he has another one.
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Maybe you should move and leave him with nothing 
Take half of what’s in the account by he takes off.
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Get a job n get ur own bank account!! Ive always had both even when married. We had a joint account and I had my own account. My ex was very unreliable n a spend thrift n would up nnleavexme every time he didnt get his own way. I learned after he wiped out our joint account 2 always also have My own.
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He is an ass. Leave his ass
Go to couples therapy or marriage counselling.
As for the talking with everyone about your issues… maybe he feels like he can’t talk to you about it? Could be based on previous experiences? Maybe he thinks or feels that you get defensive, overreact or invalidate his opinions?
On the flip side, could also be narcissism because you don’t just agree with his opinion so he can’t control or manipulate the situation as he would like to?
Get a job and never look back.
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For cases like this it is that I never agree when the woman decides to stay at home and depend totally on the partner, look for a job and leave that relationship, it is not worth it, peace of mind is worth a lot.
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Get a job get your own bank account and stop depending on unreliable men!!!
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Get read of him he is no good he is a momma’s boy and he will never grow up
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I would start with separate bank accounts. Start building your own credit history. When he strenuously objects, stand you ground. Lay down your expectations for the marriage, and hold to them. Include counseling. There are agencies that provide free counseling, or their fees are on a sliding scale, depending on income.
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It doesn’t sound likes partner material. Maybe it’s time to offer some ultimatums.
Take his card and open your own account
To protect yourself, go to the bank and withdraw half of the funds and set up an account for yourself at a different bank. I’m assuming your name is on his account too?
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Your husband keeps the money card so you don’t get to have any money and might leave him. I definitely wouldn’t put up with his mother telling him to leave you. Give him an ultimatum either you or his mother. And demand the money card. You really need to leave him and find someone that cares for you
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Tell him your private life is just that…wanna talk shit, ill tell everyone your shit…tell him to grow up or get the hell out and live with mommy so she can wipe your ass
Get a job and your own account
Start putting money away
Marriage counseling to see if he and you are capable of change. If that doesn’t help at all after 3 months, contact a women’s center and learn what steps you need to take to leave safely with any children. Plan your work and work your plan until you are out from under his thumb.
Are you on hiatus from work because of having a baby, COVID, or another reason, but you plan on going back? Have you not been employed ever or for a long time? Make a plan to find and keep employment, and this time, open your own account. Ask the bank to print out your account total and other information. Look at your taxes to see how much he earned.
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Get a job and stack your chips. Make a plan B like ASAP!!!
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He leaves every time he doesn’t get his way. Runs to momma . Controls the money. Already leaving you alone. No job credit money or friends. That’s a narc sis. Let him leave and do better.
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You need a lawyer and you need to get a job. This idea of you have no access to any finance is not good. And from what I am reading you are more scared of him leaving you without a source of income than him just leaving. Have some financial control for yourself
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Get a Job. Beat him to filing for a divorce, ask for alimony & whatever you do, DO NOT Decide to stay with him no matter how much he may beg you.
Are you on the account? If you are, go get a card
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this isnt ok fr him to treat you this way you are meant to be equals. running to his mother is defs not ok sounds as if his mother enables him to treat you this way mother in laws who allows thr sons to treat you this way not ok.
you deserve to be treated with love and care, also if mother in law is not nice she should back off
Tell him to grow up and actually be a man. He’s married to you not his mama. But the way he’s controlling you, you honestly need to leave him. Apply and get your own job and a separate bank account at another bank. You don’t deserve any of the things he put you threw. You can do so much better and find someone who’s love you so much and spoil and and any children you bare.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband talks to everyone about our issues besides me: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Again?
Think of it this way… God forbid something awful happened to him and he was no longer here, but what if?! You would have to take control of your life and do the best that you could do. You need to take hold of your life and do what needs to be done.
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First thing you do is find a job and control your own money. So, if he wants to throw crap in your face, you can tell him where to go. You don’t need to be worrying about whether he will stay with you or not. Move on without him and make a life for yourself.
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Never live your life where someone else determines how you will live and survive. If you want change it starts with you not him. He has already shown you what he will and will not do . Get out and get a job even if its a part time job. Something you can call your own and start saving a little at a time until you have enough to make a clean break or to stay and become independent of him since he doesn’t want a marriage partnership. You cant blame him for what you are allowing him to do to you. You have control over your destiny , happiness and peace not someone else. And yes its easier said than done but we women do it everyday. Go get the life you want. You can do this
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You need an attorney. You can probably find one who works for free for someone in your position. You just need to know your rights so you don’t feel so unsafe. Good luck. 
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Tell that momma’s boy to keep his mouth shut to his mother or you tell her about her precious son. Leave his ass and find a real man.
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That is truly a very sad situation. Ots a shame that everybody knows what the battle plans are begore you bevause he blabbed. Family mattets need to stay in the home
Let your hubby know that uou are concerned tjT if something were to happen to him (God forbid,) you would be in a jorrible situation. You need access to finances for that reason.
Do you have children? That is another reason you need access. To be able to provide for them.
I truly wish you all the best! HUGS
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Suggest counseling .If he dosen’t want to work it out take care of yourself if your name is on the account but have no debit card go in person to the bank and withdraw some money
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Leave again? I don’t want to tell you what to do but I think you know. Frankly, I believe he is only there in body. I went through some of these same things. I left.
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If you can’t trust him get away from him
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Get a debit card you should have access to the money … Also get a job even part time right now and save every penny of it…this sounds like a regular fight and occurance so it isn’t really a question of if he leaves again but when start preparing to be able to take care of yourself alone.
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