What you did today will be expected tomorrow…start doing less…
1 Like
Quit your jobs online and focus on the “things” he is moaning about. You can’t get rid of the kids. When he has a clean house and clothes but not enough for bills then he will rethink his idiocy. Good luck with him. It took years and experience before my husband realized how much work goes into being a working mom
2 Likes
The only advice I suggest is this. Your children are learning that this is how a man behaves and this is how a woman behaves. Your children are learning these roles. If you have a son, he’s learning this is how he should behave towards a wife and how she should be doing everything. If you have a daughter, she is being taught that this is how a husband should treat her and behave and that all is on her. This is toxic behavior. So I will ask a question. If your daughter, or daughter-in-law, came to you and said to you exactly what you wrote above what would your advice to her be? Stay? Or get out? I think you know the answer.
2 Likes
LEAVE HIM and the house and kids and go on a 2 week vacation for medical reasons. DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE.
Let HIM do everything to manage the house and kids along with his job like you do.
He will be scresming before the 2nd day comes up.
If there is NO MUTUALITY and GOODWILL in your marriage LEAVE.
Option B, hire the housework or yard work you need done AND talk it out of his pay check.
3 Likes
Marriage isn’t always 50/50. But neither should feel like they are struggling. Mine always tells me, “If you want to go fast go alone, you wanna go far we go together.”
We share responsibilities around our home. If he doesn’t believe this and wants to base how he treats you off if his coworkers marriages then let him go find someone that will accept that. You sound like you know your worth, so you’re either going to fight for it or walk away.
Do the bare minimum for a week or two! Let the chores build up! Don’t do the laundry for a few days. Let him run out of undies, Let him come home to what you deal with everyday. I had the same problem. I would have the house in pieces while everyone was at work or school but then have it put back together b4 they got home so it would be clean. They would ask what I did all day I would reply with what I did (the unsean). They never believed me. So instead of doing it while they were gone I did it while they were home so they could see what I did. It gained some respect from my family. A partnership is 
not 50 50. I also started to clock myself in and out on the fridge so they could see the hours I was putting in. Stay strong!
2 Likes
Don’t do anything for a day or two - get take out meals, just do your and the children’s laundry - not his. Keep the money YOU make separate from his and don’t let him have access to it. Leave him after a few days - take the kids and all the money you can get and don’t look back. He won’t be missed since he doesn’t do much anyway.
1 Like
Well you’re already doing everything as if you were a single parent might as well get rid of the manchild you’re raising!
2 Likes
Nope sounds like your husband has forgotten he’s a parent and that you work as well. I’d stop doing for him then since it’s so easy he wan wash his laundry, dishes, buy his own groceries, have specific parenting time. The fact that he doesn’t respect you AND bc of his laziness you were injured and he was more concerned about the object than his wife and child…. Seriously start planning to get out. He doesn’t care about you, this isn’t love… I bet that once the divorce is done you will find life easier and more enjoyable when you’re not saddled with someone like him.
2 Likes
My husband works full-time and I’m a sahm. He worries I do too much and argues with me that I should let him do more than repairs, outside work and heavy lifting. You really have a lot to do with your home, as well as work. I’m sorry you’re being treated this way.
Stop doing things for him. Don’t do his laundry, don’t cook dinner for him (just enough for you and those babies), don’t clean after him, don’t buy him anything he needs or wants. You work, take care of the kids, and the house. That’s 3 jobs while he only works 1. The wives of the people at work pro ably don’t work or they don’t have kids. I’m a SAHM with a 2 year old and an 8 year old and even I struggle to keep the house clean, laundry done, grocery shop, cook and everything else. It’s time for “dad/husband” to stop living in this fantasy world that men only have to work and not help with kids or house. It was a group effort to make them it’s a group effort to take care of them
3 Likes
Yeah pack his stuff n raise those kids by yourself u would be so much happier
1 Like
Get you a spiral notebook. Start writing time and date and what chore you did. Let her m see a 24hr page. Then write what he had done in 24hrs. There’s a big difference. It will also help encourage you and keep you on track. Things get done faster and you don’t even realize. It will help your mind be clearer. You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel. If he still refuses to help ,tell him to get out.
2 Likes
So he is just a roommate.
Not a husband. A husband helps his wife, cooks, cleans, and helps with the children also. He is a roommate. Treat him like one and see how he likes it. Don’t cook or clean for him, don’t greet him when he comes home. He is just paying bills nothing else. That’s a roommate.
5 Likes
Has he always been this way? Is it just now bothering you? You can’t change him, or make him want to do anything, so your only choice may be to leave him, just so you can save yourself. Figure out a way to do what’s best for you, and if he is a burden, then shit can him.
You don’t need his attitude! Go away and leave his kids with him.
1 Like
The person that is supposed to love you would never scream at you when you’re asking for help. He needs a lesson in “he’s going to miss me when I’m gone”.
11 Likes
Try marriage counseling. Or just leave him. Or just stop taking care of the house until he starts to help
could u get yourself a babysitter to help out with kids , and if he bitchs about that - just tell him you r paying the babysitter out of your own money! this should help u out a bit with the kids while u do some of chores and work at same time! and if that still doesn’t work ,than what i would do is - after u have talked to him about seperating for about 1-2 months . this will give u an idea - that he would go to work come home do chores to keep home clean while you and kids are away somewhere for 1-2 months- try giving this a try and during your stay away go see a marriage councilor
Take a deep breath momma . I get your upset but the kids will pick up on that quick .
If you feel like he doesn’t care than leave. I mean your being a single mom as it is .
He would then have to do his own
Cooking, cleaning , laundry , shopping . Just cause he has you who needs to do all those things already for you and the kids . Shouldn’t give him a free pass to do nothing cause your able bodied to do it . His hands aren’t broke . And as far as the grill that should of been cleaned by him. I’m sorry you got hurt . I hope it’s feeling better.
My husband works m-f 8hrs and he may grumble at times but he does help . Does your man take the kids off your hands once he gets home ? Mine will take them either outside for a few hrs or in the livingeoom while I catch up on certain things we both work full time jobs me m-thurs 10hrs and we have a 3,5,6,7 yr Olds.
But im not going to lie my mom retired early and she’s a major help and support system. And I understand alot of people don’t have that.
He sounds ungrateful.
Hugs hun , cause your doing your best and those kids definitely know there loved and cared for
3 Likes
Can you put the kids in school and daycare?
1 Like
Partnerships arnt 50/50. That’s divorce. Marriage is 100/100. He seems like he wants a slave not a partnership.
I kicked my husband out for comparing me to another’s man’s wife. About the saaaame thing!! Then. He got with her. And said. I love you but I love her too. And now i am getting that divorce.
Throw the whole man away
4 Likes
I seriously doubt the other wives have “everything” done when their husband gets home. They are lying to him or he’s making up stories. I say leave his ass and find someone who will lift you up.
What is he good for? If you really want to keep him leave him with the kids for a whole weekend and make sure none of your family or friends will help out with them let him see what it’s like. Honestly I just get rid of them you can do what you’re doing all alone without him. I bet these wives that have the house clean and the kids taken care of aren’t working two jobs when they’re at home his ass is only working 8 hours you’re working 24/7. Honestly he doesn’t respect you and he’s taking the word of some dumbass at work instead of communicating with you. Believe me there’s good men out there that will treat you with respect and love and do 50% along with you. I’ve run away like my hair is on fire.
Walk that’s not fair to u ur not his maid cook and caretaker kids ur his wife and it should be 50 50 hope ur burn isnt to bad if u need vent pm me no judgement
1 Like
Hire help if you can afford it to clean the house and baby sitter to watch kids, so you can have a break sometimes. Or quit your job and be a full time home maker, if that is the only way to save your marriage and sanity.
Leave for a short time. Seriously when you know he has the next day off, when he gets home look him in the eye tell him I need a break from everything and everyone. I’m leaving right now the kids need dinner, I will be back when I don’t know. The house is in good shape please keep it that way. I have my phone in case of an emergency. And walk out that door do not give him a chance to say anything. Tell his mom you are doing this and to please respect you to not help as you are trying to make him see that you need help around the house. Come back the next night if the house is worse and he hasn’t changed his tune it’s time to go.
3 Likes
I’d let him find another wife that can do all the work at home for him. You obviously doing fine. You have 2 jobs at home, plus children support later. Leave him.
youre already single - so just leave - or make him leave - one or the other
That’s a 1950s mentality
1 Like
To bad you couldn’t switch places for a few days. Go away for the weekend leaving him with the kids and chores. Maybe his attitude will change then. He was probably raised by a stay home mother that didn’t work at all and catered to his and his father’s every wim
3 Likes
Try marriage counseling if he won’t go, go alone. Many therapists will conduct your sessions online if you are unable to go to the office
2 Likes
Raising kids and keeping a house takes two. He needs an attitude adjustment. If he doesnt understand that, make him leave. It would be less stress on you. Your prettt much doing it alone anyways.
2 Likes
Go on strike for a little while and invest in some self-care let him do his own laundry and feed his self
3 Likes
Sounds like you’re a mom of 4. I can’t and won’t do it. I’d be in jail for assault. Just sayin. This is why I’m divorced and not single but I live in my own house and he’s in his.
1 Like
Hire a housekeeper.If He constantly yell’s at you,thats verbal abuse,if He looses His cool on a bad day,not good but tell Him to stop or your leaving.
2 Likes
Dawn Hutchinson actually has a great idea. You can’t truly understand the position someone else is in until you yourself have been there.
On his next day off from work, leave the house in the early morning, let him do what you do, then maybe come back late that night or the next day. The only difference is I wouldn’t answer the phone, I’d set up a self care day… breakfast with friends, a morning activity that you enjoy, lunch, dinner, movies, whatever makes you happy.
Self care is important, if you are not at your best, you can’t be at your best for your family either.
1 Like
This is my life every day and I’m so sorry you’re going thru this… you are not wrong or asking too much, you are married to someone who doesn’t want a partnership, he wants a servant… I tell my husband it would be different even if he appreciated me and what I do but he doesn’t, I get criticized
3 Likes
If you’re working 2 jobs and he’s working full time, hire help to clean and do laundry.
3 Likes
You are his wife and mother of his kids but under no circumstances are you his carer xx
1 Like
No no hun, I really think your going to end up needing to leave, or your at least going to have to tell him that’s a very real thought for you and see how he reacts/if he changes his behavior with that kind of realization, if he reacts with anger or porrply in general, I can guarantee he isn’t going to change, at least not anytime soon
2 Likes
Tell him to grow up and live in the 21st century. Also tell him, you’ll check on their wives and if they don’t work, you’ll give up working and do what they do. God, I used to do dishes with the ex, that’s part of partnership, until she got too erratic to maintain.
3 Likes
It should be 50 50 when both works
5 Likes
What the fuck? Any relationship is a partnership, simply share the household shite that really nobody wants to do, but has to be done. Or tell the self entitled little shit to go back to his mother who possibly waited on him 
I’d be gone. Gone gone gone. Mine is on thin ice as well. I have dishes piled up in my sink. I refuse to wash them. Our dishwasher broke three months ago. He needs to fix it or replace it. I told him when it happened, I don’t have the time or energy to hand wash dishes. We have three kids. And he’s famous for leaving dishes with food to get dried on them rock hard. Apparently cleaning your plate is too much work. So I went on strike. The sink can cave in for all I care. I’m not washing them. You should take a similar stand at your house. If he thinks it should be cleaner then it is, see how he feels when you stop doing everything you do in a day. He doesn’t want a wife. He wants a maid. Hire him one. And then move out.
7 Likes
Is there any possibility of hiring someone to help you? I bet if you had to hire help to clean the house he would change his tune
6 Likes
you have my understanding I always had to do it al and hold a job most of the time and sometime 2 jobs.
2 Likes
So you have paid employment on top of all the household chores plus 24/7 mom duty and you’re wondering if this is fair?? He’s a lazy sexist pig and he’s lucky you put up with him at all.
8 Likes
Sounds to me like you have 4 kids instead of 3. I also have 3 instead of 2 lol. Tell him you want a husband not a child it don’t matter if he works it’s his mess to and also his children that he helped make or u can do clean everything except his stuff when he runs out of laundry or bathroom essentials maybe he’ll understand where your coming from
2 Likes
Don’t bother to look back. Collect max support.
2 Likes
Advise him if he doesn’t shape up you will have every other week to catch up on chores while he has the kids at his house. If you have to do everything by yourself you may as well be by yourself.
4 Likes
Those who recommend divorce, ‘The Taliban’ lives here. Previous comment to pay for some help sounds like an idea to look into quickly-household expenses.
1 Like
Hire a, what’s the word for a male maid, domestic worker and split the bill…
2 Likes
Wash all the laundry EXCEPT his, cook for everyone EXCEPT him, pick up everything EXCEPT his shit. Then when he comes home. You walk in the room take him all 3 kids, and then you go sit in a parking lot and read A book, go get your nails done, a pedi, something, you cant take care of your family if you do not take care of YOU!
Start showing him you have 3 kids you don’t need another. And if he leave SO WHAT!! he isn’t doing anything except adding to the problem anyway so are you really losing anything??
I am a FIRM believer in if he isn’t doing ANYTHING for you, you do NOTHING for him.
He is gonna get hungry real quick, and he is gonna get tired of doing is own laundry.
Fuck that. Make him get his ass up. I work to and still take of mine. All is men aren’t built the same
You have several jobs. Let him tend to the kids when he get home, that’s his responsibility to. Don’t get stressed out more by him. You not the other husband’s wife, so their jobs may be less or they may have help. Don’t do it. Don’t cry if something don’t get done to get upset about it, including cooling his dinner. May sure you and the kids eat and you be saving up that money from those jobs you got, just in case you do decide you need to leave for some peace
1 Like
He’s being nasty and unfair!!
1 Like
Oh my throw down the broom don’t do anything for a week and let him see exactly what you do,then after he apologizes he can help clean it up again ,If he doesn’t apologize you need to tell him if you have to do it on your own which you are doing he would be one less you have to clean up after so he needs to go but you need to stick to what you say or any of your Future demands will be wasted breath
Even if you didn’t have a job outside your home (which is even more impressive), being a mom is a full time job. When he gets him don’t lift a finger either. We’ll see how quickly he starts appreciating you and chipping in.
Stop doing everything. Treat your day job like you’re not at home and say we equally do the jobs we finish at work or nothing. If he doesn’t agree just do you and the kids. Roborock is a great investment and helps with vacuuming and mopping floors. Can be scheduled to run so massive relief if you don’t have to do your floors.
1 Like
Well congratulations for doing all these jobs and looking after your children, sadly if your husband believes he has the right to do sweet F A when he comes home from work I too would kick up a stink …what a bloody cheek he has your his wife, not his maid…marriage is a shared relationship and he should help with your children whom you should remind him are his too. If he doesn’t pull his weight with helping you looking after the kids and you are doing it on your own I think it shows that you don’t need a self centred man around. It is very unfair of him, not only that how does he know that his workmates don’t help their wives I think some of them make up these stories just to impress others…
It sounds like you’re the bread winner in the house. He may need reminded of how significant your work is. I’d make him trade with you for a weekend where he has to juggle everything you do and you do nothing like he does. Maybe that will give him a better perspective. Or if you’re in a good relationship with his mom I’d call her and tell her all about what he’s doing and maybe she can help light a fire under his ass. Leaving an divorcing should always be left as last resorts.
He is being an inconsiderate jerk! If he does not want to do chores then he should pay for a housekeeper.
This was me three years ago. I have two kids and I work full time as a union carpenter. My fiancé and I both have physical jobs but i was expected to do everything in the home after my job. Needless to say, he is no longer my fiancé. My best advice is start saving as much money as you can in an account that he knows nothing about. If you want to save your marriage, have a serious conversation and tell him you are at your breaking point and if something doesn’t change than everything is going to bc you can’t do it anymore. If nothing changes, leave bc you are basically a single working mom anyway. When i moved out I lived in a basement apartment for two years struggling but the kids and i were happy. No fighting and less stress even though money was tight. Fast forward until now, i just bought a house for the kids and i and he realized about six months after i left how much i did, how he didn’t appreciate it and how much he regrets it. He still wants me back but i am so fulfilled being a single mom of two killing it at work, still doing everything I did anyway and so proud of the role model I am for my kids. They see me sacrificing and tired but they know what they deserve and to never depend on anyone for anything. Accept nothing less than what you deserve and if he doesn’t appreciate you and everything you do, let him appreciate your absence.
When he comes home you should jump in your car and take a drive with your laptop and have a break. Leave him with the kids and house. The housework will always be there and he might not even try to clean but in that time he will have no option but to do something with your kids. Learn how to switch off or you will only go insane and he will leave you like that for a younger 1 who he hasnt already ruined. Put yourself 1st.you’re kids deserve a happy version of you and please just hire someone to assist with house chores already. You can do this!!! Just listen to your body and give him time alone with the kids. Let go of control… Good luck mum i am praying that God helps you find a balance. Men will be men but you have to learn how to do you!