This is too bad to be true. On the other hand, I’m sure someone can come up with the overwhelmed husband story that will further satisfy the need for some to be divisive.
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If you’re going to function as a single mom, you might as well be one. I’d give him a certain amount if time to start helping or I’d be out.
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thats jus not right id hire a housekeeper hed pay for it!!! and i would take kids to day care for several hours a day n if he says no way id tell him if he wants to live like a single man to move out n do so
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Sounds like he feels his only responsibility is to provide financially, when that’s clearly not the case because you’re also working. I’d write down everything g you do in a day from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed. Have a serious conversation with him that you need help, present the list of tasks you do daily and the the house and children are his responsibility too. Just because you work from home doesn’t mean you’re a stay at home mom, and even if you were you’d still deserve help. Tell him if he doesn’t agree to help then you’ll only be managing yours and the kids needs. People, especially men, do not understand the value of domestic labor, especially on top of working yourself.
Also, ask yourself what your husband does provide… might be a lot less than you think and if that’s the case all he is is ANOTHER person to take care of… in which case I’d cut my losses and be done. He sounds like he wants a mother, not a wife🤷🏼♀️
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I’d start by not doing a single thing for him. He’s a grown 
man who should be helping with the children and around the house. If he doesn’t start when nothing is being done for him, and I mean NOTHING, then A- you’re better off without him because B- I’m sorry but he doesn’t care about you or the kids, or the house for that matter.
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I made it clear we adopted 5 kids and he helped with everything except when he was out to sea. I worked 2 jobs + take care of babies
I can clean the whole house take kids to school homework showers cook but there’s always one thing he will compromise. Shout then contact then commence argument gets old
Stop doing things for him and see if he changes, if not, then leave. Switch to all paper products for dinner for a bit, stop worrying about his laundry, don’t cook him any dinner, and just walk out the door when he gets home. Let him watch the kids and go somewhere and take a nap. You are entitled to self care and they are also his kids. Also, please stop having kids with someone who doesn’t help at all.
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Call in domestic help and just do the kids and your job that should help a bit…
Wow really he should be helping.There are men that think that they provide financially.Dont have to come home share the responsibilities.Which is bs your to do things and share the responsibilities.Had kids together need to help also.Cleaning the bbq grill really example.Hire a maid then let him pay.If this keeps happening it’s just going to get worse.He need to step it up.Gets worse when get older the children.Let me guess who takes to dr appts and helps out with homework.
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At 56, Im a single mom working full time, raising a 15 yr old. My other 3 kids are grown. So from experience, if you are working, taking care of the house and kids, and he’s only helping financially, then its time he found out what its like to not have you around. Let him take care of himself and you do what you do best. You and your children. Men need to respect their childrens mother, and appreciate her.
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Hes being ridiculous. I’d hire a nanny or someone to come clean.
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Stop doing everything.
Let him run out of clean dishes. Let him run out of clean clothes. Let him run out of food in the pantry.
Just stop doing everything. Either he steps up or you step out.
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If he wants to be nothing but a pay check tell him to get out! You’re not his mother.
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If your gonna be doing everything as a single mom then you might as well be a single mom. I wouldn’t put up with it. You work to and he needs to understand that. I would divorce him or kick him out for a while.
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The fact that he yells at you shows he knows you do it all and he’s feeling guilty. All that blister is him trying to convince himself he’s good enough and doing enough, but he knows he’s not and that he’s treating you badly. .
Yes to the “work meeting” out of town lie & leave him with the kids, preferably for a week so he gets the full experience and has to negotiate time off work. Also preferably when his mom and other family members can’t help or he’ll just dump everything on them, eat all fast food meals and continue to nii It lift a finger. Only accept his (panicked) calls during certain hours, citing speakers who require you to turn off your phone. Tell him he’s smart, he’ll figure things out, and that you’re busy with colleagues.
While you’re gone, make a list of everything that needs to be done around the house. When you get back tell him he has to take on at least 1/4th of the chores and to choose which ons he wants to do or you will assign him the worst of them. Then stick to your guns and
Send him a bill for services rendered…let him see what it would cost if he had to pay outsiders…
Also, get to marriage counseling so someone other than you can get through his thick skull. If he won’t go, see a counselor to find better ways to cope and strategies to deal with his lazy ass.
Like I told my daughter If you’re already doing it all by yourself you minus well do it by yourself…
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I’m so sad for you. I luckily was in a marriage where we didn’t have specific chores with each other but did everything 50/50 how it should be. Prayers your life gets easier 
Lots of good advice in the comments.
His next paid vacation that he gets,pack a suitcase and go away for a week and let him see what your life is like .let him do laundry,cooking,shopping, school ,baths ,cleaning ,paying bills,ext…
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You will have this fight over and over until he sees that you need help usually they don’t see it. I left my toxic ex for this reason. I am not here to be anyone’s house bitch if we’re in a relationship it’s 50/50 there are no gender rolls we just do what needs done to help the other.
Oh my, this hurts my heart! You are not asking to much for him to help you. I would stop doing anything for him, if he doesn’t appreciate it he can do it himself. You focus on you and the kids! He’ll either take care of some things himself and help or there’s the door and bye bye! Noone deserves this!
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Advice: stop for a moment and think like him. Present the issue in terms he understands, and as a problem he can fix.
I’m speculating a bit here, but hopefully this will make some sense. And I apologize ahead of time, because it is going to sound like what you do isn’t appreciated.
He’s going along the lines of: I work 8 hours a day, plus let’s say 2 hours of commute, prep, etc. makes it a nice 10 hours of his day. That’s his work. It’s productive, and measured in hours and dollars. He’s thinking (again, speculation based on the above) that you … well, don’t.
Complaining about it won’t help. But give him something that will. Outline your work hours, and compare. How many hours as a graphic designer and social media manager per day? And, no offense, “social media manager” sounds like “I play on Facebook all day,” so be prepared to show the impact of how that time is spent. Income per hour will help, but how that helps your family (even if dollars are not involved) helps more. But let’s say it’s part time, so 20 hours/week, or 4 hours per day. Now add in how many hours doing chores, how many in child care… you get the idea. I’m guessing pretty quickly you’ll match the 10 hours, and then exceed them. Let’s say, for easy math, you can show 12 hours a day M-F. Then point out how you’ve documented 12 hours vs his 10, and want a bit of equality. Either take an hour of your work, or man up and do two more at home. Give him a choice, but have a preference and show what will be sacrificed. Bonus points showing how much keep you get versus him. And being a graphic designer, make some slick charts that graph it all out in a presentation.
Then tackle the weekend.
In short, present it as a problem that needs to be fixed, with hard facts to back up the assumptions. That will have an impact for him. It points out the other guys don’t have wives working as hard as you do. But until he really understands what you do, yelling and screaming just sound like you’re the one not wanting to work. You have to prove that assumption wrong in a way he, not you, understand. Yelling about it might make you feel better, but he’s not going to listen to it. You already know that.
Not saying it’s fair, or even reasonable. But it’s a solid way with potential to fix your problem.
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His response is awful and NOT ok, but you both sound burned out to me.
Can one of your two jobs go, taking you down to part time? Can you hire a cleaning service? Is there another Avenue you could explore first?
Your both live there, correct?
He’s not 5, correct?
He’s a parent, is he not?
I can guarantee 98% of those guys have wives who feel the same as you.
So, sadly, you have choices to make.
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What would he say if you said if he can’t help you around the house that you would have to quit your jobs because you can’t work 3 jobs
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Time to trade him in!
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Girl! Throw the entire husband out!
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Ugh I feel you!! It won’t change! If he wants a wife like that that his buddies have that he works with then maybe he should go find one of them, I’m sure they are exhausted from running around! It’s a team effort, if one person in the team isn’t doing their part then all goes to s***! I guess if you leave he’ll have to do it all himself huh.
My husband was a UPS man and worked long hours. He would do laundry late at night and it would be folded neatly when I got up in the morning. He didn’t cook but he did all house and car repairs and maintenance and did any remodeling. We are in our 70’s and we are remodeling one last time. I love him to the moon and back.
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Just because some works out of the house doesn’t release them from household duties. Raising kids is a full time job and a thankless one at that. You deserve a partnership and assistance!
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Good luck with that! It doesn’t work and YOU KNOW IT. Men do what they’re raised doing. It’s up to parents to instill that sense of division of responsibility. If we don’t stop raising our sons and daughters to be entitled little princes and princesses, it’s a hard transition to make in adulthood. Don’t ever raise your kids believing “men don’t DO womens’ work” or “I’m a girl…girls don’t get dirty and sweaty.” Raise them to pitch in, lend a hand when they are asked for help or SEE the need or opportunity. Our core memories from childhood run deep in our actions in adulthood.
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Leave take kids and file for child support that will teach him he should have helped
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My husband never did anything around the house but make a mess. We had an argument about him helping out. He said, you do so much. Well, I had a toddler and a full time job, so I told him, I’ll show you what I don’t do. For two days I did nothing except for my son. We would eat and leave all the dishes. No sweeping, no NOTHING.
On the third day, he ask me when I was going to grow up? I said I will grow up when you realize that you are not the only person in this house that works and I’m not the only person that lives here.
He now cooks, does HIS own laundry, cleans up dishes.
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Nope u need to leave he is being abusive to u. U and ur kids would be better off without him
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WTF?!?!? LEAVE HIM!!! You deserve so much better!!! My husband works 40+ hours a week and works side jobs and has worked 14+ days in a row multiple times in the last couple years while I’ve been going to school getting my bachelors degree, we have our youngest still at home (he is 13 now). I’ve taken a mix of full time online and in person classes. He still comes home and helps around the house and HE grills dinner a couple times a week and cleans the grill himself, he empties the litter box in the morning and I do it in the afternoon, we both wash dishes, we fold laundry together on weekends, if I have midterms/finals/ a lot of homework or I am or we both are just tired we order food, have a cereal for dinner night. Technically you have 4 full time jobs, the 2 paying ones, plus caring for your children, plus house keeper. You telling your husband he should have cleaned the grill was not at all rude. Your husband sounds like a lazy, narcissistic, POS and you would be far happier without him. Please leave him, you are teaching your daughter(s) that it’s okay for a man to treat them like crap and your son(s) that it’s okay to treat women that way. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER❤️
I noticed that he didn’t complain about the extra income. Quit both jobs for awhile and see how he reacts to less money. Bet he changes his tune real quick.
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Honestly, I would stop washing his laundry, making his food, anything that has to do with him. On his day off put 1 or all 3 of the kids in his lap and then leave. Go see a movie, go get your nails done or a pedicure, go see friends. Make sure your location is off and your phone is set to mute. Give him a taste of being a parent. If that does nothing, and communication still isn’t working, stop buying all the food he likes, only food for you and the kids. Make him feel the burn of not having a partner.
If he yells at you about these things, blankly stare at him and walk away. Don’t even say anything. Ignore texts, calls, all of it. Hell change the wifi pw in your house, cancel all channels he watches.
Rule with an iron fist, you are queen of that castle and now is the time to show him without a queen a king is nothing.
If you haven’t all ready, have your paychecks go into your own personal account that he does not have access to.
Give him no power over you. Hell don’t even buy his deodorant or shampoo or anything. Make. Him. Feel. This.
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My husband and I work the same hours and employment. I usually can handle most of the chores. If I ask for his help he will do it. He will help clean too without asking and likes to surprise me when he knows I’m overwhelmed. Trade yours in for a new man who values his wife. Hugs.
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Men 
I can not stand this mentality
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When he walks through the door after work. You walk out it. Have your shoes on, grab your purse and just go. Go for a ride, go get you an ice cream. Just enjoy time alone. Don’t answer your phone. No calls, no text. You need some time for you. To do whatever it is you want to do.
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Sucks to say but if your feel unappreciated and your needs are not being met then you leave!
Can you afford to hire help? I would suggest this since you both sound like very exhausted/busy people. Listen to podcasts on time management, outsource the things some else can do. This will minimize the stress in your marriage and family home.
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Leave!! Run as fast and far as you can. That is the Epitome of toxic masculinity!! Get your kids outta there, this is going to teach your boys to behave this way to women, or your girls seek toxic men in the future! Whatever gender your kids are, this behaviour ends bad for all of you. It’s disgusting to see that men are still like this. It’s 2022 and YOU ARE NOT HIS MOTHER!!!
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Hire a nanny. Hire a housekeeper. Budget it in. You deserve a break. Take it off your plate too 
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I hear this ALL THE Time! This is absolutely selfish behavior coming from him. The way I see it is you should never ask him to help you. This sentence only solidifies that you are asking for his help to do your tasks. No no no Hun. These are not your tasks and asking for help insinuates that these tasks belong to you. What you need to do is sit down, without anger or judgement and tell him that you are literally drowning and he needs to start pulling his weight or you can’t see your relationship lasting. Have a good heart to heart. Then make a list of absolutely everything that needs to get accomplished daily, weekly and monthly. Then you assign yourselves to each task by spitting it up equally.
You cannot let your children see the way the relationship is now be their example of what a good relationship looks like. Fix it, or end it if not for you, for them. The last thing any mother wants is their sons to treat their wives this way or for your daughter to pick a man that does this to her.
Good luck Hun. Change is good , no matter how it looks.
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I would stop doing so much extra for him. He wants to have a BBQ meal “Start Cooking”
Oh, you don’t have clean clothes? “Better do your own laundry”
Men think because a woman stays home that it’s easy, well kick him in the balls and let him do his own shit, you don’t need another full grown adult to look after
Hire a cleaner to come in once a week, vacuum dust, wash floors and clean bathrooms?
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Families are created by a team and it is a team responsibility to share the good and bad in raising them.
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Advice… Put your tennis shoes on and run. If he is that lazy, he not going to change. You can do this with or without him.
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This is an old problem that never seems to go away. Hire some help.
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It’s his house too he needs to step up and help. I was a sah wife while I was pregnant and yes I did the chores and once baby was born taking care of the baby w ass my job. And now I have a 1&2 y.o. and sometimes my 7y.o. step son. And my husband tried getting mad with me one time and I went off. The house is both our responsibility my job is taking care of kids. If I get a chance to clean I’ll clean but I am not required to. It was enough to shut him down. your working two jobs and taking care of kids so your doing three jobs while he’s doing one. How is that fair.
Sounds like you can do it alone, and that he is just an extra body in the way causing more stress you don’t need.
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Stop doing anything for him. Don’t wash his clothes, don’t make him food, nada. Only take care of you and the kids.
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Disregard him until he treats you as an equal.
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Marriage should be about being a team. My suggestion would be seeking couseling ( because you are married and should make all efforts to make it work, as should he ) if things don’t change or he doesn’t agree to go then you need to decide if you can go on like this or cut ties. Good luck momma
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I think there’s a misconception when working from home. Partners tend to think “you have it easier” which I know is not true at all… I stayed home with my kids at times and man I just wanted to go back to work. It’s a lot of work! Kudos to you mama!! Maybe he should stay home a day wifh you and tend to the kids so you can actually just work!! Hopefully then he’ll see the reality
Don’t do his laundry. My husband started cleaning the toilet, carrying the laundry in the area it goes,. Little things help us. He loves to run the sweeper.
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Wow I despise men who are so entitled. You both work and you watch ur 3 kids, there is zero excuse for him not helping you. You both live there, those are his children too, that thinking that he is a guy so he doesn’t hv to do anything or goes to work so he doesn’t hv to help when he gets hm makes me so mad, like who the heck do these men think they are smh. He is used to it so he is doing that, he will continue unless you start telling him enough is enough. I would tell him, he either starts helping around the house and with the kids or you will leave. Don’t let him manipulate you, guilt trip you or use you bc thats what he is doing. Sounds like a classic narcissist. You need to start thinking about yourself and your kids too, they are watching and listening to everything going on.
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Mine believes 100% the same way. It’s miserable. I have no advice. Goodluck 
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Time to find an office space to lease.
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This is why I’m single. Ex husband thought I was his slave. He wouldn’t lift a finger. He wouldn’t even take the trash out. I’m sorry but you don’t deserve that.
He needs to walk in your shoes! He’d never make it. I don’t know what to tell you because I had a loving husband who was always there to help. I’d probably kick him out!
Only 8 hours a day is almost a thing of the past. A lot of guys are working 10 or 12 hours a day and leaving the house at 2am. My ex husband is one and so is my fiancé. He’s just making excuses. 8 hours a day is nothing compared to what u are doing. Don’t let him walk all over you!
My husband is a diesel mechanic and I worked in an office full time. We still split the chores 50/50 and take turns getting our daughter (7) cared for.
I might do laundry and dishes but he puts clothes away and cooks.
Even on tough days where he is physically wore out, he still helps out. Your husband sounds like a cry baby.
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you should write out and list all your daily work activities and hours, in black and white and let him see all. Then write out another list, showing all the household and child activities you also perform daily and weekly. Leave nothing out. Then write out a list of all his work activities and ask him to judge if perhaps or definitely, he has and must have time to help and take away some of your endless chores. If he reacts badly, then he is an ignorant and selfish imbecile
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My husband helps all the time. Because he loves me, wants too spend time together. Truthfully, before I walked out on my marriage, I would hire a cleaning lady to help you. ASAP!! Good luck. Please take care of you so you can take care of your family.
Put it in the perspective that you two are one of your kids and their future partner. What would you tell them to do knowing how things function in your relationship. Your children will unknowingly mimic the behavior of their parents in future relationships so if its not good enough for them, then its not good enough for you.
My husband and I split the chores. He works 8 a day and I work 12 hour shifts with every other weekend off. He does half the house chores I do the other half. Hell he even cooks some nights and even makes my lunch for work some days because he knows how physically demanding my job is and how exhausted I am. I would not put up with a man who wouldn’t help me if I had to do it alone I would be alone. You need to set him down and have a long talk. The facts his co workers wives do all the house work at their house is irrelevant to y’all because that’s not yalls house nor relationship. I can bet money they probably don’t work at all (which there’s nothing wrong with) and that’s why they do all the house work. If y’all are both working then y’all both do the house work.
while hes sleeping after the children write him a note saying youre nor abandoning the family you just need some rest …pack a bag get a room somewhere and let him parent by himself for 24 hours and see if that dont open his eyes …go on strike dont do nothing for him
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Well if he is deciding not to help, let him think about this, it’s the man’s job to provide for his family, so how would he fell if you just quit your job to take care of the house?? Let him know your not going to be his maid any longer. If he wants to be part of a truly working family, he needs to stop being lazy and do something to be part of the family. Also, if he thinks your job is so easy, leave him with the kids for one day and see if he still thinks it’s easy. Just my opinion.
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Me and my husband both work 10 or more hour shifts. We split the chores. I am a mom of 4 granted my kids are old enough to clean up after themselves now. But when they were little it sucked. I had to do everything until my brother in law moved in and started helping with the kids and house etc. my husband is a hard working man and works in the oil field. I used to complain that he would never help me when the kids were young until I walked a mile in his shoes and went to work with him. Now we work different jobs and we respect each other. We share the responsibility of everything together. I say make your husband walk that mile in your shoes and to really see the things you do every single day and if he still throws a fit. I would leave. He sounds entitled and like a spoiled brat.
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I really don’t know how women take this complete disrespect. Tell him to kick rocks. You’re not a maid.
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U already know what U need to do & what is best for those children, do it. I personally get tired of hearing women feeling so entitled however, & it should be 50/50. If what U’re saying is correct that U work & bring in income & those 3 babies are his, he needs to step up! When he tells U his friends wives do all this/that simply tell him to go live with them. Doesn’t sound like U’re giving him alternatives & I believe U should. Either he helps or he can goes on. I certainly don’t believe in men/Dads getting kicked out their homes either however it doesn’t sound like he really wants to be there unfortunately. U deserve better & those children need to see U respect your own self. Whatever you decide I do hope that you two will not use the children against the other parent they truly need you both rather it’s together ir apart. You’ll get past this, good luck
In my opinion, leave him. He isn’t worth your time. I know it sucks but if he’s fighting you about doing house chores, he shouldn’t be out living on his own. He should be back home with his mommy or daddy being a lazy bum.
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One of my favorite quotes is “you’re not asking too much, you’re just asking the wrong person.”
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Ditch him. My husband works 13-15 hour days and helps me with everything. Even when our kids were small. Now we are helping raise our grandkids and he helps. No questions asked
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So sorry you are being overwhelmed with trying to do EVERYTHING!! Some men just don’t get it… a marriage is a partnership, and he’s being selfish!! If you could swing it, maybe leave for a night away, for a physical and mental break, tell him, it’s easy, so you should be able to handle EVERYTHING FINE!! Then go…
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Hello no!!! He needs to help or u need to kick his a** out!! Marriage is team work!
I’ve never been married so maybe I don’t have room to talk but I personally think you should just leave him. You have 3 kids already and are doing so much. Imagine the baby had been in a front carrier and not the back?! Oh my gosh. And most men and husbands grill too when it comes to grilling. He can’t even do that?! You have to grill with a baby on you. No way. You may as well do it all alone mama. You already are. Without him you don’t have to make him food clean up his mess wash his clothes. Saves you just a little and there are options and help for childcare especiallyyyy for single working moms. Much love. You got this
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Get rid of him. One less person to clean up after!!
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He should be helping you, those are his kids too. I would have left his ass as soon as he compared me to other women tbh.
You both work, you both do the chores. Where do these guys get off thinking they should be treated like royalty? You husband is an ass, sorry to break the news. Remember that next time he gets hurt to care more about an item than him. People will only treat you as poorly as you allow them to and you deserve better
Honey you’re already doing literally everything on your own. I’d just have him leave…if all he wants to be is a paycheck, then he can be.
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Might as well be alone cuz you’re doing it all alone anyways.
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If you didn’t also work I’d say majority of chores fall on you. Everyone still needs help. But you also work. The only difference is he commutes and you don’t. There should be an equal division of labor. (Work/bills/chores/kids/etc.) If he’s out working 8 hours and you’re also working 8 hours, maybe household duties should be split about 50/50. That division looks different to everyone tho. Maybe he hates doing something you don’t mind of vice versa so that person does that chore all the time and the other person does other things. The fact that he can’t even agree to help with something once in a while shows me he’s not a man to quit your job and stay at home with and becoming completely reliant and on.
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Marriage counseling?
I don’t understand who raised these adult toddlers but I’m sick of seeing stories like this. They take advantage of their wives and don’t do the bare minimum at home. Either he does his share or he should move out. Comparing you to the other wives means he’s likely talking shit about you to his coworkers. You work and care for your kids and don’t get a break.
My BOYFRIEND not husband, that I have kids with, helps me around the house even tho he works 12 hour shifts OVER NIGHT. If he has a problem helping you, then you should say something. There is really no reason as to why he shouldn’t help you. My boyfriend comes home and if he sees I’m stressing he’ll pick up for me, help me with dinner, take the trash out, do some dishes. Any little thing that he knows will help me out. If he’s not gonna help and make you feel like you’re in a relationship alone, you might as well be just that. Alone!
Leave. It doesn’t get better.
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You’re already doing the single parent thing hon just dump the manchild with his buddies. You are his wife not a maid
If you leave, you still have all the work alone,
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I’m stuck on the fact that you were grilling with a baby on your back. He couldn’t even be a Dad for a moment? My ex husband was narcissistic like this. Seek counseling, listen to some podcast on codependency, take care of yourself. You can’t change him but your can be a happier you and set boundaries. Then let him decide if he wants to be a partner and father or alone.
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Time to move on. One less person to take care of.
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You are earning two salaries. If you want to maintain this marriage, hire a house keeper. Let hubby know said housekeeper ios paid with money you earn as, obviously, he thinks his money maintains the household. The house keeper is in lieu of his household laber contributions.
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You’re already living the single mom life. Do it without someone yelling at you and making you cry.
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Take a week off away from home. 
Or even just 2-3 days would probably work. Sometimes actions are better than words.