So I’m due with a baby girl in July, and I previously had a c-section and am trying for VBAC. I’m interested in doing a water birth and told my husband about it. He immediately shut it down and said that I would “drown the baby.” Which isn’t true at all. The baby is floating in fluid for nine months. I explained to him that it’s me who is giving birth and I should be able to do whatever I’m comfortable with, and he argued with me, saying that it’s his baby too. I understand that, but he isn’t giving birth to the baby nor carrying it. He’s against a c-section as well. Literally against everything that doesn’t involve me in a bed pushing out our baby. How do I explain to him nicely that it’s not his choice, it’s mine as I’m delivering the baby?
ur the 1 doing the work ur body u do what u want
I’d be careful with Vbac my friend just tried for one and her whole uterus exploded if her baby was 10lbs and blocked the internal bleeding they would’ve both passed away
I wouldn’t risk doing any type of abnormal birthing since you’ve already had one cesarean. It’s not worth the risk. Not siding with him but VBAC isn’t 100% successful after a Csection but a water birth is so dangerous especially if anything we’re to go wrong since those aren’t even done in a hospital anyway.
Have a midwife/Dr explain it to him at one of your appointments or tell him to research it himself
Well I would be a total bitch and tell him I can make you sit in the parking lot 
that’s how much of it is my choice so keep your mouth shot you want a say pick a name wow is all i have to say ! It’s not even something he should be rude my I you about that extremely scary their are so many risks not to mention the pain I have had four children and about the only thing that has gone planned is their due date lol
There’s literally no nice way to put it. Just tell him you’re going to chose how you deliver the baby. YOU are delivering it, not him. Either way you choose he’s still going to be holding his baby at the end of it all.
Plus doctors are not going to listen to what he wants anyway. They will base the whole birth plan around you. He just gets to watch.
Have u looked into the complications that can happen since u have previously had a c-section? What was the reason uhad a c-section? Every doctor will tell u it’s can be very harmful to u and the baby if u try to have a natural birth after having a c-section. Im not understanding how u would think a natural birth would be more beneficial…
He shouldn’t be arguing so nicely isn’t going to work. Be blunt and he can either be there for the birth and be supportive or not be there. You are not choosing something unsafe and like it or not a c section is a possibility during every birth. Best of luck mom. Sounds like you better be discussing how you plan to parent so you aren’t working against each other. Prayers for happy healthy mom and baby.
Don’t think the midwife/doctor will allow a water birth or even a homebirth with VBAC so I’d check with your midwife before you argue with your SO
Might be worth going to the next midwife appointment with him so he can voice his concerns and ask more questions about different types of deliveries, this way he can make a more informed opinion and even understand where you are coming from and he’s hearing all the information from a qualified professional. They can explain how much harder your body has to work laying flat on your back on a bed as opposed to other positions.
It’s a tricky spot to be in, hopefully you can both sort it and no matter the delivery it’s smooth and safe for you both 
VBAC is already has a lot of risks as it is. Have you stopped to consider the fact that he is probably scared of the many complications that can arise from a regular vaginal birth after a c section, then add on wanting to do a water birth which he has no knowledge on. He is probably just scared for you and your baby.
Tell him you love him, but until he’s the one giving birth, he’s just going to have to be ok with it.
I wouldn’t be explaining anything nicely. Tell him what you are doing and if he doesn’t like it, he can do one
I had a c-section with my first. Wanted to do a VBAC in hospital with my second but the baby had to be taken early by c-section. My doctor was fine with me trying a VBAC, it just didn’t work out. DADDY HAS NO SAY IN HOW YOU DELIVER.
Start deciding how, when, and where he is allowed to go to the bathroom 
- maybe that’ll tell him that he doesn’t get to make this decision until he is the one doing it. I’m all for dad’s input, but this is something where you and your doctor should have more input. Stay safe!
It should be a team choice, I mean after the baby is born you expect him to be a team with you and consider your opinions on raising your child . I realize it’s your body but the baby is both of your responsibility, his opinions should matter . I would hope he would become educated on the difference birthing methods and with your doctor and birthing team choose a comfortable safe plan that every one can feel good about.
He may not be pushing the baby out but if he is not comfortable with it you should consider his feelings.
Tell him that he is welcome to carry your next child, and then he can choose what happens to his body. He is way overstepping.
You guys made the baby together why can’t you guys be a team if it’s like this now I can only imagine when your guys child is growing up you’ll be saying he’s mine I carried him and he’ll be saying he’s mine I gave you the sperm. 
all jokes aside go see a Midwife or your Dr. ask questions get pros and cons and make a decision together parenting works best if you guys stay on the same page and be a team.
He really has no say so, your the one who has to go through all that pain, you do what makes you comfortable
He is kidding himself
Your body, your choice. He’s not the one going through labour. How long does he think your baby will be in the water for after the birth? It’s literally seconds! Theres no easy way to say you just have to be straight
Well, maybe its time to be not so nice about it. Yes he can have a say, but ultimately its up to you and the dr, and well however the baby comes. Take him to the dr and discuss all these options you want to discuss. But again, I would feel that its more a moms choice. But there is nothing to be gained by everyone being upset, you need a plan that works for everyone.
I wouldn’t tell him it’s not his choice directly I would just tell him that I feel this is the best choice for me personally and I feel that it’s important to me
In relationships you have to say things in a respectful way that won’t cause issues
From my experience when it comes to giving birth you really just need to go with the flow anyway- you may well change lots of things once in labour. And I’m pretty certain he won’t care once your in the room - in labour. He is probably just anxious as he has no control over it, situations like this can make people panic if they are used to being in a position where they can help/plan a situation. I wouldn’t specify anything and just see what’s available on the day. With my first I liked the idea of water birth but it wasn’t possible, with my second I had it available and actually was far too hot after a few hours arguing about it isn’t worth the stress whilst your pregnant. And it’ll be a distant memory after you’ve delivered 
Tell him that when he gets in the bed and pushes the baby out of his small dick energy, he can tell you what to do
You’re the one delivering so do it how you like. Baby won’t drown they’re not breathing yet🤦♀️
I’m sure you know on your back is the most painful position to be in anyway when you’re in labour and there’s no gravity to help you along.
Your body, your choice! He don’t have a damn clue what you about to go through, therefore has no choice in the matter.
When it comes down to it, you’re birthing the baby, so you choose your birthing location & team. That being said, his concern is coming from a good-hearted place (& I think you know that), but the issue is that he is simply lacking education on the topic. So, it’s time to educate him! State things matter-of-factly… you’re not asking his permission, you already know what you’re doing. You’re just trying to fill him in now. One of the biggest things to help will be to have him come along to the midwives with you (whether it’s an actual prenatal appointment or just a consultation before you hire your birthing team). Give him the opportunity to ask all his questions & get all the answers. Ideally, he would support you in this situation, & with education, that is totally a reality.
Ps, you’ve got this! Love, a mom who has had 3 VBACs, with midwives, out-of-hospital, who specialize in water births. (Before our first, my husband wouldn’t have wanted babies born anywhere but the hospital. After visiting with midwives & learning the ins & outs of the birthing business, he recognizes hospitals as a desperate measure only now. Husbands CAN learn, lol!)
I would be like it’s my decision who is my support person/s on my delivery day if you aren’t going to be supportive then I’ll need to have time to think who’ll be with me and let him have a think about why he is there in the first place to be his partners support
Lol. That’s cute. He thinks he can decide & somehow control these things. One thing though… If he’s going to have such a strong opinion on certain things then at least he can do some research first! (Lol drowning baby in the delivery tub:laughing:
)
I’d do what is good for you
His opinion is just that. An opinion until the baby is born. Thats when he becomes a dad and thats when he can have a say that matters. She is a mother the second she gets pregnant, she gets to carry and deliver this baby without the guilt of a man trying to control her body. THIS IS YOUR SPECIAL MOMENT, YOUR BODY. YOUR CHOICE.
Educate him!! Evidence based birth. Birth centers and home birth midwives have much more experience in this as their protocol isn’t to immediately go to c-section anytime anything other than what’s expected happens. I convinced my hubby by showing him the research I was able to find by using my doula and birth center midwives knowledge base. You got this and you know your body!
Tell him until he grows a human and pushes one out of his body he can kindly fuck right off. 
Make him watch one born every minute I had a water birth and if you can try for that was really peaceful no drugs, was amazing for post birth recovery too. You’ll be too busy focusing on giving birth to care what he thinks at the time…I don’t see why it has anything atall to do with him. he’s making you more stressed over nothing, planned births don’t always happen either so you never know until the time what’s going to happen. You’ll do great 
xxxx
Tell him to get bent, and if he doesn’t like it, then don’t let him be in the room of your choice with the method of delivery you and your practitioner choose as healthy for mom and baby.
You don’t explain anything nicely, labouring is a huge thing and if you feel uncomfortable because of pressure from him, it can make it seem even harder. A woman’s body knows what to do, the instinct kicks in. Does he want you strapped to the bed too? Sorry but it may well be his baby too, but it’s YOUR labour! Anyway, good luck mama x
Make your arrangements and quit talking to him about it.
Bring him to your next appointment and have your doctor explain his stupidity to him. If all else fails tell him he can wait at home while you deliver the baby how you see fit. The most important thing is that you and baby are safe and well looked after and he’s an idiot if he thinks he can control birth.
Tell him or nut up or shut up. I hope you get the magical waterbirth you want!
Jokes aside, have a midwife explain the benefits to him and why it’s a great idea 
If the baby would drowned why are so many babies born in water births.
In all honesty I would tell him its your body. That if he wants to do it crack on. Or you can have separate births. Fathers have lots of rights, dictating the birth and labour isn’t one.
Personally I would give him the information and maybe education might help him to change his mind
I agree with you. Your decision until the baby is delivered. He doesnt have any legal rights to your baby untill it is delivered anyway. Choose what you want. Your the one who is delivering. If he is still arguing Have the converstion in with the midwife in front of him. She will not be happy and will support you
People like that just need to be educated more or get more info from someone who is educated or experience. That way their mind is not too narrow minded
Lol he’s funny for thinking he has any say in how YOU labor and give birth. Ask my husband how that turned out for him
Seriously though, he gets no say. Try to educate him, have him attend appts with you and have your doctors, midwives, doulas etc explain things to him from medical standpoints, and from real experience. If that doesn’t work, then he’s just an idiot and really shouldn’t have any say in the first place. Sorry but that’s just ridiculous, I’m truly curious what his thought process is with this 
Just keep saying “you have some good ideas but we are going to go with what is comfortable and the best course of action at the time”’. Then tell him how much you love that he wants to be involved.
I had a water birth and it was a beautiful experience, you get dimmed lights, music it’s so relaxing!
It’s your labour and you labour how you want to, it’s your body!
He seems ignorant and personally I’d get the midwife to explain the benefits of a water birth to him she’ll be straight on your side 
Sounds like he is afraid of something or has a romanticized view of vaginal birth. Was he not there for the birth of your first baby? Ask him what he fears for you and the baby. Is cost a factor?
YOU decide with your OB what will be best for you and the baby given all factors (age, weight, health, hospital facility options like water birth), how pregnancy is progressing, risks, genetics, and so forth). Once you have reached a decision given all the facts, then have doc talk to hubs about why you are choosing this specific birth plan.
You can tell hubs he can choose the birth plan when HE gets pregnant.
Tell him he can deal with the way you want to deliver or he can miss the birth.
Do you Boo! Not his vag and not him pushing out your guy’s baby!
He sounds very controlling, guess he forbids any type of pain relief too. 
my water birth was amazing, water helped reduce pain, and is a very calm transition from the womb to the world, I delivered him myself, and was wonderful for us both, no pain relief either, water helped me not tear either, not even a graze, I went home a few hours after I had him too.
Sounds like he’s just scared for you both.
Take him to an appointment with you and have a doctor explain that its safe.
Anything any male says is met with “omg leave him girl, run!” On these forums.
Just talk to him…hes feeling how he is for a reason
Tell him when he carries the baby in his uterus it is his choice.
Tell him if that’s the way he feels, then when HE delivers a baby, he can choose to deliver however he wants. Until then, YOURE delivering a baby & he should support you and be there for you. I’m sorry to hear that, I wouldn’t be able to stomach if my partner had an attitude and outlook like that. Best wishes! I hope all goes well! 
and congratulations! Im due in July too!
show him a video of someone else giving birth in a birthing pool and explain that it’s a thing… or get a professional to explain to him! It’s not up to him either way you chose how you feel most comfortable he doesn’t get a say unfortunately
I’d just tell him your doing it and If he doesn’t want to be there then you’ll get someone else to go in with you.
Tell him when he’s bushing a bowling ball out his dick then he can choose how.
Get a midwife to tall to him about water births seeing as he doesn’t know crap
Your body… Your choice.
He has absolutely no say
While annoying plz try and be understanding…there is just as much taboo thinking with water births as there is for breastfeeding.
Well sorry but I wanted after Two C section a ‘natural’ birth buy My husband was against it. We talked and hè told me about his fears for me And the baby So after a good talk with him And OR gyn. We decided for a c section. Its his Child too! And i am his wife So hè DOES have a say so. I dont want him yo be scared thougout it lan
U do u tell him once he delivers a baby out his dick then he can choose how he delivers until then nope it’s up to u n doc
Give him the respect of listening to his reasons behind how he feels. Explain why you want to have the water birth. At the end of the day you have to do what’s best for you and your midwife will back your choices x
As a married woman. I would kindly drive to my local divorce office and sign those papers. I’m not going to carry a child for 9 months, to be told what I can and can’t do when delivery our child BY MYSELF. Or he just simply, I would look at him and tell him, well it’s a good thing you aren’t delivering this kid then. And I’ll do what I want to do. You’re carrying a human. You’re birthing a human. Do what you want!!
Sit down and research water births with him so he will understand the benefits of a water birth. Explain that you welcome his input but ultimately its your decision as your the one who has to deal with all the pain and he should understand and respect that.
You don’t. Do whatever the eff you want. I wouldn’t even conversations about it tbh. Same with people who think they are entitled to be in the room! Fuck outta here
I think it may help to have him talk to an OBGYN and get factual info on the options. However, yes it is your body but it is also his baby so you need to be sensitive to that.
A water birth is just stupid. It doesn’t even make sense.
He sounds Controlling. Its not his choice and if he doesn’t support you he can sit in the waiting room.
Talk to him, ask why he is concerned. Does he know someone who has had a bad experience? I think approaching it with the belief he has your best (though ill-informed) interests at heart is the way you’re going to get through to him.
Why is he against a repeat c section? Isn’t that the norm after you had the first c section? I get that many want to have a VBAC but usually r pushed into a repeat c section. Where is he getting his info from?
Its your body he has no say. what a tool.
If you have a water birth you can’t get the epidural. Coming from someone who has had a csection and two vbacs (one without pain meds) I think I’d personally pick the epidural
Is he just worried and he isn’t informed? Men don’t pay attention to "girl stuff " maybe watch some shows with him, help him get educated
My brother was like that. My SIL looked him in the eye and said you want to be present? Do it my way or wait outside. He wisely decided she was smart.
Nothing wrong with water birth, if that’s what you want then do it, after all your the one delivering the baby
Look ladies all of you that are calling this man a tool and controlling might need to think from his standpoint of sure if everything goes well she will have the natural birth experience she missed with the first one birth but with the increase risk of post delivery hemorrhage? Maybe he is thinking what will happen to my wife. Maybe he is thinking I don’t want to risk the life of my wife. Why risk it if we don’t have to. Maybe he isn’t controlling at all maybe he loves her and it is scary that she could die. Plus in some ways he has a say. They are married that means you have to take in each other opinions all on decisions, does she have final say what happens with her body yes. But she also needs to respect that she is a mother and wife and risking herself for personal feelings might also be just as selfish as him not wanting her to risk her health.
I recommend educating him with the facts and then the pros and cons of each of these things and then I would take his feelings into consideration. I won’t take someone’s opinion into consideration if they’re not even educated on the subject. Communication is key, but ultimately the decision is yours.
Side note: Fighting is not the answer and I would step away if it came to that.
It all comes down to what Dr. Says. For the husband control freak yeah no man will tell me what to do that’s for damn sure. If drs feel that baby heart rate is at risk then there going to do c section. I wanted a water birth but my area didn’t have the stuff to accommodate me. So I had natural. I was in abusive relationship with control and everything that goes with. So I would just put your foot down. Do what’s best for you and your baby. After all your choices
Do what you want his choice whether he is there or not…
I hate the fact guys can’t have feelings it seems like without being told there controlling or it’s not there choice you made the baby together and you get to carry your child maybe he just wants some say about how it goes as a woman your lucky to have that bond and make all the decisions and it can leave spouses feeling like they aren’t important in the process and anything but hospital births can be taboo to people especially if he doesn’t know anyone who’s done otherwise it could seem scary for his wife and child to go through communicate and see why he stands by his feelings I agree explaining the different birthing methods would be best and see if you can come to an understanding at least cause ultimately it is your decision but as a wife you should be considerate to your husbands feelings about the human you made together cause think if anything were to go wrong god forbid he would be making decisions so he should be informed on the process as well
Go to the doctor let them show him how it works maybe he is scard.just remember after a c section there may or may not be problems.also you tube has videos on how it is done.talk to him men dont always show there fear.they hide it and try to be brave
I’d give him the middle finger and tell him to sit and spin to be honest.
Ok…so while its your body yes…but that baby is half his. He has the right to be concerned about the well-being of his child. He’s allowed to disagree with you.
Does that mean he gets to dictate everything? No.
You had a previous csection…was it an emergency csection? Water or bed aside…Will your birth be at the hospital? Or at home?
Those are truly legitimate concerns on his end.
After an emergency csection home births truly are very risky.
My oldest should have been a csection. Had I had an at home birth we would both be dead.
No joke. No lie.
So I really understand his concern if you’re wanting to birth at home.
I would sit down and take the time to hear him out. Let him explain his feelings (they are probably out of fear for baby’s safety and your own). Really take the time to consider his feelings. At the moment his feelings are geared more towards practicality and logic for safety so he may have some really really good points.
If you still 100% disagree to the point of not being able to find a compromise that gives you what you want and eating his mind…
Then once you’ve really heard and listened to him, explain how your decision is SAFE and what makes it safe. What precautions are going to be in place to keep you both safe…that type of thing.
I have had 2 water births naturally and I would do it again but definitely weigh all of the risk
I would sit him down and calmly explain to him that it is your body pushing out this baby. Not his and that you and you alone will choose how your body will do that. It is his baby too, but your body does not belong to him and I would make sure that he understands that carrying his child does not change that. Do not allow him to back you into a corner with this. You need to be as comfortable as possible with your delivery regardless of how he feels about it or what he says. If it was just about any other circumstance I wouldn’t advice just blowing him off. But a birth is not about the man and he is making it about him
I am strongly in the “my body, my choice” camp on all things. So, your body, your choice. I would consider however his feelings are likely related to fear. And have you spoke with your ob/gyn. I’m not sure where you live but where I love it is almost impossible to even get a doctor to agree to a VBAC. You may be having the disagreement for nothing.
Tell him to shut up n sit down.
Do it in front of the doctor at the next appointment.
Start at the next appt and keep mentioning you guys’ concerns to the professionals.
You’re not the only one who’s dealt with this…
You both may learn valuable information 
He will learn about water births and explained in depth how cesareans work-and it’s usually not by choice…more so emergency:rotating_light:
Which he has no control over…and nor would you (that may make him feel better)
*I do hope that you don’t have an aggressive doctor.
They’d prefer you not lay around taking up the bed for more than 24hrs. They often times won’t let you labor like you want to…and they push for c-section:weary:
Dont let them rush you. And don’t let them cut unless it’s absolutely necessary. The also get paid more for cesareans, which means they’ve also freed the bed and can move you on to recovery.
(And sometimes the women Dr’s are more aggressive than the males)
Great luck:two_hearts:
My husband wasn’t on board with my VBAC with my 2nd. He didn’t complain about it either. He just didn’t want to loose me during labor.
So I went in for a VBAC with a OR on stand-by. I went from 2cm to 9cm in 6 hours (drug free) & still needed the c-section because I couldn’t push the baby out because of my cervix.
Do what makes you happy. Some areas don’t allow VBACs. So you need to make sure your Birthing Hospital allows VBACs. Not your Doctor, the hospital.
Why does he really care? Obviously, he’s ignorant on the water birth subject. Tell him to do his own research on the subject and deal with it. Omg what a controlling turd. Just my opinion… take it or leave it.
Maybe he’s just worried about you.
It’s actually less traumatic in a way for a baby, when a water birth is done. That’s why more hospitals are starting to get the birthing tubs.
He has 100% no say in how you birth this baby! He sounds like an unsupportive jerk! This literally isn’t even about him. I just can’t believe he’s making this about him and trying to dictate your actions. Obviously you would not be pursuing something that would put your baby in danger. STICK TO YOUR GUNS LADY!
I had a vbac and it went fine
Your body your choice
Until he can push a water neon outta his hole he has no say
Honestly…I may be in the minority here, but I hate this take. He biologically is not physically capable of carrying or birthing the child. That option is not open to him. He is still just as much a part of this process as you are. Without him, there would be no baby for you to birth. I never just shut my husband down on anything concerning our kids. He is involved in every decision, down to how I give birth. He didn’t particularly care, as long as the baby and I were healthy, and perhaps that is your husband’s problem. Have your doctor explain the benefits AND the risks of a water birth to you both. With your husband, weigh those benefits against the risks. Really listen to what he has to say. Because I promise, if anything goes wrong and you completely disregarded him, he will be furious. And honestly? If it were me, even if things went well, but you disregarded my opinions? I would mentally hold that against you for the rest of my life. That kind of resentment isn’t good for any relationship.
Tell him you understand his concerns and am happy that he cares to be so involved but respectfully it is not his decision to make