My husband thinks he has a say in how I choose to deliver: Advice?

Well good luck with a controlling husband. You enjoy YOUR PREGNANCY AND YOUR BODY DELIVERING YOUR CHILD. ITS YOU WHO HAS TO BE COMFORTABLE. tell him to go take a nap

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So if you end up needing another c-section is he going to argue with the doctor?

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These comments are horrible !!! She sounds like the controlling one from the first Sentence of this post . Seems to me some women only want men to have feelings about certain things … it’s not just her baby . Maybe he is just worried about his wife and baby ?? Wow what a horrible man .

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If you have to have a csection and you’re not at the hospital it could kill both of you. Keep that in mind. Also, the hell with his opinion, against csections? Absolutely ridiculous when it may or will be needed.

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I always feel like information is important for someone who doesn’t really understand something. Maybe just send him links and information about a water birth. Have him talk to midwife or whoever you plan to use. It will probably help him get more comfortable with it. Regardless it’s your body, yes his baby as well, but he isn’t the one pushing the baby out so ultimately it’s up to you how you deliver

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While i agree on its your choice. He is just reacting out of fear and concern. Take a moment and calm down and educate him

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I posted this as a reply to another comment, but posting it as my own too. Why does your husband even care so much? You’re pushing the baby out; the only difference is location - bed or tub. It’s just weird that he wouldn’t want his wife/partner/person he loves to be as comfortable and happy as she can be while delivering his child.

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Tell him he either supports you and can be in the delivery room or you will find a different person who is ACTUALLY SUPPORTIVE and he can sit outside in a waiting room. Miss me!!!

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I’d tell to get over it and if he doesn’t like how you want to give birth then he just won’t get to be in the room when you give birth. You get to choose who is in the room with you and if he is just gonna stress you out or get mad then he doesn’t need to be there. He is just being controlling.

You won’t be able to nicely explain because you already tried to. Make your plan with your ob or midwife and tell him what you’re doing.

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Like my husband told me- he carried our children is his balls for a while before giving them to me.
Unfortunately women are the only ones that can biologically carry a child so it’s impossible for a man to know what that’s like.
However, devoted fathers and husbands want to be as involved as they can because they can’t do it themselves.
Can you imagine what that’s like? To see your child growing in another persons body and having no control or no say so over the situation.
Let him be as involved as he wants to be. In decision making, as well. Of course do whatever is medically necessary.
Fear is often brought on by not being informed.
When you’re discussing your plans be sure to thoroughly educate him on what you want and all your other options as well.
We as mothers know that not everything goes as planned. Things happen. Emergencies pop up. Sometimes things don’t go exactly the way we plan or how we dreamed of when it comes to delivering children.
Educate him. Listen to him. Talk to him.
He also has all these scenarios, hopes and fears running through his head.
You may be amazed at his thought process on pregnancy and labor/delivery.

Tell him that he did his part to create now it’s down to you to produce lol. Is he afraid of the unknown? He needs to talk to your midwife and watch videos or that one born every minute program and see how much more calming and relaxed , dispute the obvious pain, that water birth is. You most likely will be on all fours which from a gravity perspective is better and warm water is calming and soothing for pain. It sounds like he’s the type that’ll take a professionals word over a none. My dads exactly the same. With his health and certain processes, we can research it and tell him everything but as we’re not trained in that field, what do we know, his dr or consultant can tell him word for word exactly the sane and he’ll do it!! I

First thing first he really needs to be educated on a water birth, and the next he needs to be educated that you had a c-section before that there is a likely hood you could again which is perfectly fine. I’ve personally never heard of man being so conserned about how the child was being delivered. It just blows my mind the amount of people being okay with this so if he says you can’t have an epidural you can’t have one, he would actually argue about you needing a c-section that is a medical procedure that depending on the situation without it he could lose both of you.There is other things he can be involved with as in helping pick out going home outfit,packing bags for hospital, Installing car seat for baby and setting up baby room. I just personally feel birthing plan should be left to the momma you carried the child for 9 months and now going to deliver it. You guys can join together and make decisions after the child is here.

I had a water birth-in a hospital and it was great… very healthy bub who is. NOw 18 years old

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Go into hospital with lovely birthing centre. Leave him at the door… I had loads of baths during labour in this massive bath. It was amazing. You’ll need to be in hospital led care anyway in case you need another section. Never heard of a Dr being paid more so will encourage sections! You can still have an in bed experience in a decent hospital.

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It’s still his baby, he still worries, and he deserves a say as well, but in the end it is up to you (and if you can even find a water birth in a hospital -especially for a VBAC).
Men are nervous because there’s nothing they can do. They just go with what they’ve heard and such.
Give him factual information and data. It’ll calm him down.

But dont ever just shut him down when he’s just worried.

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I think he is just scared/concerned about something he doesn’t understand. Teaching him, informing him is key. I’m from the UK and circumcision was something I 100% won’t do, my husband was very against this till I informed him it’s not necessary etc. Once he had the correct knowledge he was in agreement. Just chat with your husband, I’m sure a doula/nurse could help with info etc

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Lmao!! I was born via water birth…I’m ok. I delivered my son via C Section…we’re both great almost 25 yrs later. Next time, just tell your hubby to get prego & he can decide about the delivery. And maybe read a book to learn a thing or two. Ffs :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

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I think you should consider his opinion, but it is ultimately your choice. Perhaps consider laboring in water and birthing on the bed? I really wish I would have made that choice - it seems so much more relaxing than being stuck in a bed! Lol

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Education him on why it might not be possible for a natural delivery, educate him on how water births arev safe but also educate yourself on risks. Especially since you’ve previously had a C-section. He’s allowed to have an opinion because 1.hes your husband and 2. He’s the father but that doesn’t mean he gets the final say.

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You don’t explain it to him nicely. You tell him if he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t have to be there. What a dick.

Also, water birth is an awesome choice! Maybe consider hiring a doula to help assist you with you labor if hubs isn’t looking like the ideal cheerleader. Good luck!

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Would your doctor or midwife be willing to talk to him :thinking:, maybe being able to address his concerns with a professional might help. But you are the one who is growing a little person inside your body, so of course it is your choice.

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I would tell him I understand that his opinion is based on his fear and let’s get educated on The Choice because in the end the one giving birth and has to go through the pain is the 1 that gets the final decision . Pressuring you or argue with you is only making this time more difficult so he needs to take a step back and understand you are the one that’s gonna go through this. You just have to sit back and watch.
Tell him he can be the support you need or you can get another birth support person if that’s just to difficult for him to accept and support.

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Tell him when he can push something the size of a small watermelon out a hole the size of a small lemon he can have an opinion otherwise remain silent.:face_with_raised_eyebrow:

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You’re kidding, right?

Your body. You decide. Are you sure this dude is ready to be a father? Sounds like he could use a little more education to me.

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VBAC and Birth After Cesarean Facts — Evidence Based Support this is a great group to get all your vbac facts if your interested. I do believe its your body your choice so if u decide c section or vbac that’s your choice, however, i think a spouses opinion is valid and they should definitely be allowed to express their concerns. In regards to water birth, this is quite a controversial birthing process and I’d definitely recommend doing your research. I can understand his concern, especially if your previous birth was a c section. I highly recommend this vbac group for factual information.

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Educate him. Then ignore him.

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Can he sit down with your doctor or midwife and have it explained? Otherwise I am bossy and would tell him to get with the program or he can sit in the hall while you birth. :joy: No one needs the extra stress bringing baby into the world.

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Instead of just rushing to toss his ass out on the street (like most women on here) have you considered maybe he’s scared?

C sections are scary. Delivering at home with no doctors is scary. Even without the pool of water. It’s probably scary to him so educate him. Have him talk to a midwife about it.

I wouldn’t worry about being nice about it, because he isn’t. You do YOU, and if he doesn’t like it then tell him his bad energy can stay OUTSIDE the delivery room.

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Maybe take the time to explain how all the options are. Maybe he doesnt fully understand the water birth. Hes a worried father and (not saying youd ever put your baby in harm’s way) he just wants to make sure the best is being done. Dont get mad, tey to educate him on why you feel water birth is best. Dont approach it as “it’s my choice and you have no say”. This should be a time of coming together and welcoming a beautiful life together.

He most likely doesn’t know that a baby doesn’t breathe out their nose during birth, but rather through the umbilical cord. You could show him (or your midwife if you have one) how that works and that’s there’s virtually no chance of the baby drowning.

Do it the way that makes you most comfortable.

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Have him hear it from a doctor or midwife
I’ve heard that water birth can be a bit more relaxing for moms

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Why do you have to explain it nicely? It doesn’t sound like he is being super nice to you. Pretty audacious of him

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Um I would have already left him.

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You dont explain it nicely its you whos haven a baby and he sounds bossy. Tell him what your plan is educate him on it and leave it at that.dont let him make you feel bad for wanting whats best for YOU .

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Honestly if you’ve already educated him and he’s still not listening, I would tell him to accept what YOU are going to do or not be there until it’s time for him to cut the cord. My sons dad tried telling me I couldn’t have an emergency csection(due to HELLP syndrome & liver failure) and kept telling my obgyn he wasn’t letting me go in there. I told him to sit down and stfu or get out of the hospital😊 men forget that it’s not their body it’s happening to, it’s ours. In the end whatever we feel comfortable with is what’s going to happen.

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See I hate men like that I wish men could have at least one birth experience just one so maybe they stfu with that
Your body mama do what’s right for you he don’t like it he doesn’t have to be there period

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I never allowed my boyfriend tell me how to deliver our child because he’s not the one pushing the baby out :woman_shrugging: Do what makes you comfortable and ignore him.

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find viedeo on water birth or let the doktor explain to him about water birth with pictures .get him educated about it.but also listen to his side .

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With peace and love, he sounds like an idiot

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It could be a fear for him, I know my husband has some fears regarding delivery, try to communicate in a healthy way with a doctor or midwife present, ask question you might think he wants to hear the answer to. There’s no need to turn it into a fight!

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Sounds like he’s worried about health and safety maybe y’all should sit down with nurse or doctor and discuss options

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I’ve had two vbac amazing however safer at a hospital the reason is if the scar tissue tears then you can be rushed immediately to surgery not scaring you but it what was told to me

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I hope you plan on a home birth then. Most hospitals don’t allow you to deliver in the tubs. You can labor in the tub but when it comes time to push they make you get into a bed for the actual delivery.

I’d tell him the only two options he has in my deliver is to be there or not.
The rest is my decision. YOU have to be the most comfortable. YOU have to be sure to deliver a healthy happy baby with the least amount of risks and stress. Doesn’t matter WHERE. The end goal is still the same :woman_facepalming:t3:

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All he needs it’s information. Show him facts. Tell him that small arguments like this cause you stress and that as well is harmful for your baby. He is acting this way because he doesn’t know. In other words he is ignorant, stupid because he doesn’t have the facts. Probably never heard about water birth till you mentioned it. He thinks he has the best interest for you and the baby. But really he is just being dumb. Get him informed. You’ll see how he changes his opinion.

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Your body, your choice!

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I don’t have a nice way of explaining it. I’d simple tell him it’s my body that is going through labor so it will be my choice. His choices about the baby don’t begin until the cord is cut.
If he’s concerned about water birth then I’d have him talk to a doctor.

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Tell him to take a seat. I mean your the one enduring the experience. He has no right. Its simple. Your body. Men have no idea what labor feels like. I would laugh lol

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Ya take him to your next OB appointment and sicc your Dr on him.
That don’t work, tell your mama AND his and sicc THEM on him.
He being that bratty about, it’s time for some damned back up, girl.

Your body, it’s up to you. He’s allowed to have an opinion but overall say is from you. Good luck💕

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I do agree with some ladies that what if u have complications like tearing of the tissue I’m the previous csection. Has ur doctor told u that u can try for a VBAC? I know they told me that the pain and pushing can be so intense that tissue can tear and mine were 13 months apart. It takes ur body about 5 years to heal internally. Have ur hubby go with I to the doctors and talk about ur options and get a professional opinion.

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Tell him hes either there for the birth or not, thats his only choice. Not how you deliver

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Sounds like he needs to be educated

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Tell him that you will need to do whatever is more comfortable for you with the baby’s best interest at the forefront.
If you need a c section, so be it. If you need to try to have a relaxing water birth, so be it. At the end of the day, it isn’t about him.

Omg woman, if hes paying the bill he has a say. Now he may not agree with a water birth but you are having a child together!! A family decision unless your a dictator

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My blunt a** “u have a problem, u dont have to b there for the birth then” I know not everyone is blunt like me. We got #3 on the way. I dont remember what the disagreement was now but have literally told my bf this a couple months ago. He curbed his attitude real quick. He was there for both our other kids births. My bf gets squeezy with blood. Our first wound up being a c section. He went to the corner of the room with baby and when he turned to check on me he saw behind the curtain and almost fainted. :speak_no_evil: with our second I joked with him that I’d request a clear curtain (repeat c section) and at the start of this pregnancy I joked with him that I wanted to pull the baby out myself. He knows I’m being a pain so he just rolls his eyes and calls me a brat lol.

wow um lol if he has a problem with how you decide you want to push the baby out let him know hes more than welcome to sit outside the room until the baby comes. please give birth the way youre most comfortable.

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i’d drop it all together & let him figure that out himself when you go into labor & tell him to fuck off or leave & you do it your way lol. my exact words would be “okay bet, guess we will see” because unless you’re dying or unconscious, not a single doctor or nurse will ask HIM what to do or how to do it… they’ll ask YOU.

If you v b a c I would say you are not a good candidate for water birth

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I wouldn’t let him in the room at this point.

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I’d make an appointment with my OB and ask if your husband could come with you. have the OB explain your birth plan to him (men generally trust the “experts” over facts found from research). but it would also be a good chance for you to see if your choice is what’s best for you and baby. I know it’s your choice, however home births can have an increase in risks and be more dangerous, especially if you’ve had a c section previously, depending on the reason for your previous procedure. if a home birth is cleared by your provider, I’d go for it, but see if you can discuss with the hospital about having an ambulance on standby just in case

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AWESOME VBAC, HBAC, V/HBAMC, UBAC, FBAC Support Group you should join this group. They have lots of good info you could share with him.

Gosh so many of you are great partners on here.

I would start with a conversation of this is what I want because x, y, and z. Now let’s talk through why you feel the way you do and either discuss whatever fear he has vs what actually happens. If he’s not convinced talk to your doctor with him. Then if that doesn’t work tell him this is the birth plan my doctor and I feel is best.

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I wanted a vbac but the risk terrified my husband so we talked it out and in the end I chose to respect his fears (even if not that rational) and not do it. I get it’s your body and all of that but it is his baby too and he is just scared. If you are really partners than he should have a voice as well. Maybe you can find some sources to help educate him on water births and have another conversation about it after.

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Im an OBGyn nurse. If you had a c-section before, then you have to continue getting C-sections. But, you can try for a vaginal birth, if the doctor says its possible. And FYI, I NEVER allow a man to tell me what to do with MY body, especially how I choose to give birth with MY body.

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Very blunt. The birth is about what makes you comfortable and is safe for not only you but your child. He doesn’t have to be there nor does he actually have a say how you birth he doesn’t go through the pain or waves. Maybe talking to your dr or midwife for the possibility of water or if c section is the safest way an take him with you to have the conversation. I don’t think he should be questioning and arguing about the birth your about to endure.

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Explain to him that if youre not comfortable when giving birth that baby can get hurt so no it’s not his choice. No birth option will hurt that baby its all been done a hundred times before. That baby is connected to you not him.

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Hahaha tell him to suck your dick. He literally did nothing but get off. You’re the one actually creating a living human being and have been for the last 6-7 months physically. You and your obgyn get to decide how you get her out. HE HAS NO SAY AT ALL. Tell him to sit his ass down or go to some laundry if he’s going to act entitled to having a say.

Hit him with a frying pan when he wakes up ask him how he feels about it. If his opinion has not changed repeat process until desired affect achieved :blush:

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When he carries the child he can decide how the child is delivered. Yes he helped to make it but literally all he did was nut. You are the one that has been nourishing and growing the child inside of you and if explaining how you feel and what you want didn’t work I don’t think anything is going to. It’s your body and your choice not his.

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Find some videos about the benefits of water birth. Find some resources about the cons of being forced to labor flat on your back (it’s completely against the biological norm).

I’ve had 2 csections and then went on to have 2 home births so that I could do VBACs. I got the urge to push too early and the water only made it worse, so I couldn’t stay in but maaaaan was it nice for the 30 seconds I was in there :grin: It soothed my lower back pain sooo well.

I ended up delivering both of mine partially sitting up on my couch with my butt scooted up to the edge and my midwife between my legs. I’m sure if you asked my home birth midwife, she would tell you that very few women labor flat on their backs in bed. All fours, sitting up, squatting, yes! Not flat on their back. It goes against nature.

Educate him! He has no clue, just like most of society today.

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Educate him on how much better and easier a water birth is on you and how safe it is.

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Your body, your choice. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

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I HOLLERED when I read the first line. Do whatever you want. At the end of the day he’ll probably be sitting in a corner anyway. He has say in your child’s life but not your body and how you deliver. That’s your choice because if you’re not comfortable it’ll take even longer and be more painful than it should

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Tell him to go read some articles and shut up!

Men need to do more of both :wink:

This is cute :sweat_smile: You can make ALL the plans you like & so can your BF, but in the end it’s literally up to your body how things are gonna go. Good news is, you get a baby at the end, so why does it matter the delivery of it? Csection you’ll get gutted like a deer & natural you may tear from both ends… pick your battles wisely because this doesn’t seem like one I’d spend any energy on.

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This is what u Need to say to him…
…listen here pumpkin… when ur pushing a grapefruit thro the eye of ur penis… THATS when u get a say in how its delivered… :+1:

Let him push a baby out of his penis and tell him he can’t have a csection. :rofl: Give him a different perspective! (I’m only joking, relax)

Maybe try to educate him more about the water birth or get a professional to educate him so he will have peace of mind and won’t be worried about the babies health .
He is just not much informed around water birth

I understand it’s his baby too, but its YOUR body, YOU go through the pain of labor, YOU push the baby out, YOU get cut into if it needs to be a c section. He also can be against c sections ALL he wants BUT if a natural birth is not safe he can get over it. Would he rather you attempt it and risk you both dying? He needs to grow up a bit and chill. End game is your body your choice.

At the end of the day you are the one going through the labor , he should be supportive in whatever is going to make you most comfortable.

If I was you and that was my husband telling him that he’s evidently going to miss the birth of his child. Because it’s my body my choice and I’m going to choose how I deliver or if a medical necessary comes up to where I need to change it…

He has an opinion and he can share it but ultimately it’s up to you.

Take him to some birthing classes. He sounds uneducated. Most men are.

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Just tell him to shut up in the labour ward, midwives will too if he tries to tell you what your doing with your body during labour.

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Yall aint married if you guys dont know how to be partners and compromise. Hear him out and he hears you out :roll_eyes: you both are invalidating eachother

I wonder if a guy did what his wife said no to do and this song would be the same tune? :thinking: like if he got a vasectomy against her will. Or anything with his body.

Tell him to go to ++++

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I missed the part where you created this baby by yourself. My husband was part of everything in the birth of our children. We discussed it together and came up with a plan that was safe and we both felt comfortable with. It’s all well and good to bitch about it being your body your choice, but that little life inside you is part of him too. He has a right to voice his concerns. If you respect each other and are truly partners then you’ll give him a voice in this decision.

Tell him to stand outside in the waiting room like men used to if he doesnt like the choices you make in regards to an action your doing

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My ex was like that. He thought he had a say if I could get the epidural, how I could deliver - everything. The doctors and nurses said he has no rights to the baby until it’s delivered. Since it’s my body it’s all my say until then.
How you deliver is all you and what is best/safest for you and the baby. He should be understanding to that. If he can’t I wouldn’t allow him in during the delivery as you don’t need that extra stress.

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Tell him when he’s able to birth a child he can choose how he wants to deliver it :roll_eyes: do what makes you comfortable!!

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How about instead of telling him he has no say…you educate him on a water birth?

Have him talk to the dr/ midwife/etc. they know how to talk to the men also. They can educate him/ lessen his fears/ tell him gently that this isn’t all about him.

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Instead of shooting him down,LISTENING to his ideas would go a long way for him giving some thought to yours. Yes, ultimately you have final say but why make it a fight? Hear him out, and make sure you get heard too.
Educate, don’t argue.

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Yeah well it’s your body… If he can’t be supportive and not act like a controlling idiot then maybe he doesn’t need to be in the delivery room

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