My husband told me he isn't in love with me anymore: Thoughts?

That would hurt to hear that. So sorry. Maybe you’d be better off w/o him.

People fall in and out of love. Love can be rekindled or it’s absolutely burned out. You can love someone and not be in love with them. You can love them but not even like them. That’s life, love and marriage. You figure out of you can fall in love again or be happier finding yourself or falling in love all over again with someone new.

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Love is a commitment not a feeling. Feelings fade

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Why would you want to be with someone that doesn’t love you?just leave… Start a new life for you.

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I would continue to try talking. Marriage and life are hard and sometimes through life we feel we loose things, hold resentment, allow life to be overwhelming. Ask questions. You might not always like the answers but listen first and try to maintain constructive conversation. Ask why he feels he doesn’t love you? Most likely it’s many little things that with communication and effort can be improved on.

First I am sorry. But you say you argue. Then you say I thought we were happy. I really do not think you were happy. Take a old lady advise, do not give him the satisfaction seeing you break. Cry if you need to, but not where he can hear. Do not let mutual friends know all your business. Now some here are saying he must have someone else, I will not say this. If he is running around, he does not deserve your love. I left my husband many years ago. Best thing I could have ever done. He ran around and treated me bad. I stayed for years because I loved him and thought he would change. I waisted these years. Hold your head up and get out.

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I am SO sorry. I want to cry for you! All you need is a hug girl. There is no making it better, just getting stronger. I’ll be praying for you! :heart:

“I don’t love you anymore” has got to be the most hateful thing you can say to someone. Unless you did something awful to break his heart, it’s unforgivable. It hurts just to read the words. He sounds like a selfish jerk and you deserve much better than that. I hope you can find the courage to out yourself first and walk away, before he finds a hundred other ways to say “I don’t love you anymore”. Put yourself first, always.

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Leave! That’s the only move

This hurts so bad and knocks you terribly if you stay. That total feel of abandonment and not being enough is such a deep cut. He might think he doesn’t love you but maybe it’s something else yes not feeling. Go on actions rather than words

I have been in your shoes after 15 years of marriage. But after a few years of being divorce I found a man who adore me and adore my kids. Now we are a blended family with 2 little girls together. What helped me get threw my first marriage was therapy and support of family & friends :heart:

give it time my husband said the same thing and I apologized for what I had done and we sat and talked were better than ever

I would say have a heart to heart talk and also counseling would be a great idea. 14 yrs together is a long time , maybe he just confused or even bored as things become trivial and routine when you are with someone for a long time. Try to remind him how you guys fell in love and fight for your marriage . But if after trying it doesn’t change anything, maybe it is not meant to be . Don’t stay in a relationship with either one of you is unhappy . Goodluck

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not much you can do, if hes not in love anymore, hes not in love anymore…you cant make him stay or make him love you again…time to move on

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Been there the one thing that kept me going was someone said to me this too shall pass

Mine did it to me after 16 yrs!! He found someone else and was cheating the whole time I thought we were happy too!! My advice…protect your bank account, and get a good lawyer , because I guarantee he already has. Words of encouragement I found a man that was and is a million times better then he ever was 3 yrs later. We have been together for 5 yrs now and have 2 kids together!! Keep your head up and stay strong!!! You can do this!!!

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Had this happen with my ex who is diagnosed schizoaffective. It’s very common with schizo and bipolar disorders. He tried so hard to “fall back in love with me” that he convinced himself the only way was if we had another kid, and had a psychotic break once our second son was born. As soon as I had him, my ex looked and behaved like he no longer loved me despite acting like nothing was wrong before. You can try counseling and depending on the cause it may or may not work out but with my experience it didn’t and I’m way better off without him anyways

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I don’t want somebody that doesn’t want me. This happened to me a long time ago. We had been married 7-8 years. I thought my life was over. He had a girlfriend. I beat her up. But we stayed together and had 3 kids and were married for 25 years. He got another girlfriend and I left with my kids. A little while later he wants to get back together and I don’t want him anymore. I married somebody else. Now we have been married for 21 years, but I ran him off about 7 years ago. We still married, but not together. He turned out to be a cheater also. He ask me to get a divorce, cause he doesn’t feel right going with other women. Now don’t that beat all. I haven’t been with anybody else, so it’s not bothering me. I guess it didn’t bother him as long as I didn’t know about it. The biggest thing is that both of them want me to go back with them. So I say just tell him to leave. Maybe he will want you back before you find somebody else. If you would want to go back by then. You are in control. Take it wherever you want. Don’t let him make you feel down. He still wants you, he just doesn’t know it yet. He will always want you. He is just a stupid MAN.

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That’s all someone’s gotta say to me to let them go. Don’t want anyone who isn’t as committed and in love with me as I am. I’d be sad,ofcourse, but would rather be alone than with a man who is blatantly telling me they don’t have feelings for me. I know someone else will love me eventually. Lots of people in the world.

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Every marriage has lulls and both people have to really want to make it work.

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Listen to him. If he can say it then it’s probably true. If you let it pass you’ll just start making excuses for things going wrong. People change as they age. Little differences become glaringly obvious. Ask yourself what you have in common anymore. Do you laugh? Joke? Have fun together? Step back. Is this someone that if you met today would you still be interested? Life changes. It’s ok. It’s not failure, it’s growth.

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The longer you stay with the wrong person means less time with the right one later

Love is a verb. It is an action word. That hes not ‘in love’ is a crock because love is hard work, sweat, tears and happy moments.
What hes saying is hes tired of trying.
Maybe sit down and talk things out. Ask his perspective. Do not get mad however! Give him your perspective. Sometimes it’s just a matter of needing to talk things thru.

…of course sometimes it’s a matter of he found someone else too. :woman_shrugging: I’m not saying it’s right or ok but it happens. Be prepared. Good luck.

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This is how my marriage ended. We have 3 kids but hated each . I’m now doing great. Don’t stay

Mu husband of 31 yrs said same thing kicked his ass out

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Y’all both need to have a honest heart to heart conversation. Something is definitely going on. Never assume

Honestly it’s horrible to say but you’ve already lost him

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So leave or tell him to dont take that stuff c ya

Mama! This just happened to me 4 months ago. There’s not much you can do. Gotta move on. File child support, get the $ and move on to someone that is afraid to let you go!

Sorry hun u already lost him , u can’t make any one love you!

I’m glad that you are reaching out for help and advice. That means that you want this relationship to grow. It’s common for couples that have been together for a long time to find themselves in this place. One sees things as ok and the other person not. This is a crossroad in your life together. You can look for happiness outside your marriage or you can look to reconnect with each other. Our church has a 16 week program for just that called re/engage. It helps couples find, work on and move past the problems that have become a wall that separates them. I hope that you and your husband can find a similar program in your area. Find a way to to remove the obstacles between you and move towards each other. God bless you both.

I would suggest you see if there is another woman. This is the main reason men say this

Right Brittney it didn’t go sour over night. One day at a time.

Leave. Why stay with someone if they don’t love you.

I’d show him the door. I wouldn’t be with someone that doesn’t want to be with me.

Marriage counseling ASAP!!!

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And understand that love is a choice, not a feeling

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If you thought you guys were happy, I honestly suspect he’s found somebody else.

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Why are you fighting for someone who says they dont want to be with you? Breaking up is horrible. But having a life trying to change into the person you think he wants is worse. You deserve better.

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If someone told me that I would be done :v:

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Go talk to him ask him why he said that and if he has some one else …most likely he already has some one else

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If he’s willing to work on the marriage I hope it works out. But if he checked out of the relationship, then it’s time to let him go. You deserve better.

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Have you spoken to him about it?

Sometimes this happens. It’s a mid-life crisis (ish?). I have seen one marriage survive this. I highly suggest you take time to “work” on yourself. Meaning focus on you, what you want (outside of your relationship), and hitting goals you set for your life. It’s either gonna hurt like hell and you’ll be glad you have something else to focus on, or your husband will fall in love again with the woman you re-become. Either way, this is your time to focus on you.

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I agree with BeverlyAnn :arrow_up:

He has another for sure move on after taken him to cleaners for you and kids.

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Sounds like the marriage ran its course. Why would you force someone to love you if they dont want to? You will be okay!

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After 17 years of marriage left me for his girlfriend. He got a divorce and it took about 2yrs for me start feeling good about myself. I had a blast in my divorce. Been married 28 yrs and love it

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He’s seeing someone else. Telling you this makes him feel less guilty for giving his love to someone else.

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Seek counseling please

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I’m so sorry for a broken heart

At least he is communicating tho
Id rather be told than run around on or lied too

Could you possibly ask if he would do counseling and willing to open a new door in hopes of understanding each other better…with a neutral party present?
Sending an air hug bc I know no advice will help heal what is done

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Counseling! Start doing stuff to enjoy each other again. Go on dates like you’re new people and go do the stuff you stopped doing because life caught up. But also, know your worth. You deserve someone who thinks your the actual sun and treats you that way. Make sure you don’t forget that in this process :heart:

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If he don’t love you anymore, just walk your fine ass out the door :wave:

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Did he tell you why he fell out of love? Was there one particular thing that caused it?

Judge Toller said it best ‘Never let a man have to tell you twice that he don’t want you’!

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This is why people need to pray for their husbands go to church so god can help you carry on. God bless

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Love is hard, move one why be with someone that don’t love or want you no more. Don’t beg for love have more respect for yourself!

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I’m so sorry to hear this. That sounds devastating. :frowning::two_hearts::sob: I could only imagine what you’re going thru.

In my opinion/what I would do:
Ask him if he’s willing to go to counseling. Or if he can give you insight on what happened? How long he’s been feeling this way? Etc?

I’m sorry but sounds odd that he’s mentioned that out of no where. Tv/society makes me think :thinking: possibly another woman? :flushed::grimacing:

Best of luck and I hope it’s not the case and can all be resolved and moved passed

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Don’t listen to the people saying there is someone else unless you see signs of cheating. That isnt always the case sometimes people fall out of love.

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Suggest counseling to see why he feels that way & if there’s anything you two can do

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I wasnt married as long…but my ex told me that…and I left the next day…packed up the kids and I left…never looked back…I promise…the next day…he went to work…and I kissed him goodbye…like a normal day…and after he pulled out the driveway…I started packing

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Everyone saying he is seeing someone else! That’s a pretty big assumption. I’ve fallen out of love many times and it had nothing to do with seeing someone else

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if he’s find get out now. Don’t waste another second on him.

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Tell him you want to work on your relationship. Try and make things better. You can only try

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Let him go. You will be heart broken day in and out with him there not in love. Give yourself a chance to heal then maybe you can be loved again.

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At least he told you. Most would just stay and cheat. I would file for divorce and be done with it. That’s me tho.

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Love is not a feeling, it’s a choice and if hes choosing not to love you then you need to choose YOURSELF and take care of you hun. You will fine without him! It may hurt for a while but know in the long run you will be better off.

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You can’t keep someone who is already gone ( emotionally he’s left).

Hold your head high, lick your wounds and walk…

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He found someone else smh

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Nope let that go I know that it’s hard to hear, but free him. He is making way for someone to love you the way you need to be. He is already gone…to someone else

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Been together 10 years here. Your marriage takes work. It goes through ups and downs. Time to decide if you are committed to continuing then ask him if he is. If he is, I would suggest getting into therapy to identify the break down. I also recommend the love language book and quiz. It could be you’ve not been fulfilling his love language and without having that he would feel very unloved and in turn likely fall out of love with his partner.

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Divorce and get support for you and the kids ,max ammount

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Some other female has his attention and once you’re long gone he’ll realize the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. In fact it was fake and only looking for financial profit. You’ll laugh and enjoy your day as usual.

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I’d ask him point blank. Who does he love instead?

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I think sometimes people in marriages go through phases where they may feel like they aren’t in love with their spouse. But I also think most reasonable mature individuals are able to realize on their own that the feeling of “being in love” isn’t what marriage is about. It’s another kind of love. It’s the love you’ve built together. The things you’ve overcome together. You realize marriage is about loving unconditionally even through the hard times. Maybe he just needs a reminder of that. We all miss that feeling that we had at the beginning. That feeling isn’t being in love, it’s infatuation. True Love is built over time. Talk to him about it.

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Well, then stand up. Take the house and bank accounts. Any kkds explain the reason is his loss of emotion and your strenght will direct you on in life. He didnt hesitate to try and tear you apart emotionally, and physically. So doing what must be done is acknowledgement of his decision to state to you he no longer loves you. You love yourself more, and leave his things in a storage unit.
He’ll find his love for you, but you have shown him what he said he doesnt want. Sorry, but you are much more than a disregard.

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I’ve had times that I didn’t love my man. Would have walked away no problem. But it’s a choice. Is he willing to try rebuilding?
Cuz that’s what truly matters.
Love it’s an emotion. Just like happiness and sadness. It comes and goes. YOU have to feel it for it to be there.
I don’t always love my man. But I’m ALWAYS commited.
So when I was ready to walk, I sat my man down and explained everything I was feeling. Even the fact that I wasn’t in love with him anymore. Then said we had work to do…was he in it or not?
Now…we good again. We’ve been working HARD to reclaim what we’d had allowed to leave. We had been chosing to let it leave, but now we choose to fight FOR it.
Every day is work tho. I think people forget that along the way.
You still gotta work at it. Even that many years in. We get comfortable and then we get lazy.
Then the relationship suffers. The love dies.
So ya…sit your man down. See where he’s at. If he’s willing to work at it or not.
If he’s not…it’s time to leave. Cuz all staying will do, is drag the hurt longer then needed.
But if he’s willing to work at it…well then, it’s time to fight for it.
Wish you the best tho💖.

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Been through this twice. First time was with my boyfriend of 7 years. I always asked him if everything was ok and he always just said yes and had some excuse. We have 2 kids together. And then again just recently. It’s hard but sometimes it takes time to realize that your better off without that person

Why do people make a song and dance of this? don’t get me wrong it’s awful, And would be shattering, But people are allowed to opt out if their feelings have changed, They aren’t obligated to stay because YOU want them to, Why drag them through counselling and try and force something they’ve told you isn’t there ? It just draws out the pain, Let go and move on to bigger and better happiness.

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Love is a 2 way street. If 1 party isn’t fighting for it then your stuck fighting alone

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Don’t be bitten walk away with your head held high he might come back he might not either way never carry a bitter heart everyone saying take this drain his account it’s bitter take what you need for your kids sake child support payments and if you can sell the house get half of that build yourself up again from there say thank you for the last 14 yrs and goodbye it will hurt more tbh because he will expect you to be a bitter women they always do you can not force someone to love you…

Omg I just found out 3 days ago my husband of 30 years is having an affair and wants out…he said these 30 years with me sucked…I have been crying non stop…and he is either his piece of trash girlfriend as I type this

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He is with his piece of trash girlfriend

Let that go…heal and come back better than ever

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Have him carry you to bed every night just like he should have on y’all wedding day for one week let the kids see it and at the end of the week see if he still don’t love you if he says he doesn’t then divorce but if he says the love is back then do stuff like that in ur hard times and it will help.

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Being in love isn’t purely an emotion, it is a decision you make daily. Relationships are WORK you have to put your spouse ahead every day and decide that yeah maybe I don’t like you right now (some days) but the time and love we have spent together outweigh whatever is pissing you off right now. I suggest counseling and some time spent examining your relationship but as long as the good is still there the relationship is worth working for. After 14 years it isn’t going to be all rainbows and unicorns but see if it’s worth saving for both of you.

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Men goes thur male menopause, just like women do and get a little over the top sometimes, maybe he is feeling things that no one knows about and his only answer is he is not in love anymore, try and talk to him about what has changed for him, prayers for both of you while this is going on

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Walk away before he makes u feel like ur nobody I know been there I got out later so go now good luck

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He never was in love with you. You don’t just fall out of true love.

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Can’t make someone be with you because you want to be with them. If he wants to leave, let him go. Be mature about it. No need in getting ugly like some comments have suggested. And just because he doesn’t want to be with you any longer, does not mean there’s someone else… It just means hes apparently made his mind up after thinking about his feelings.

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Act like you don’t give a shit and he will come crawling back, of course, by then you might realize you don’t want him…or need him

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I went through this a year ago. I’d recommend listening(or reading) to books help build yourself up. You are so many more things than being his wife, and it’s important you know that :v:t4::heart:

Through all of the advice, recommendations, and stories; I just want to say that I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you’re going through this at all. I know you will rise to whatever life throws at you; however I also understand that it’s not fair and you’re going through a lot right now. My thoughts are with you, be strong with however you choose to move forward.

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I would move on. You can’t make him love you.

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I’m soooooo sorry you are going through this…I wish I could hug you right now. I know this is not easy and I know you want to fight for your marriage. .and you have every right too…its your marriage your life …But first you have to find out what happened. …what made him fall out of love towards you. Was it you was it him did he find someone else ?..which I hope he hasn’t. Just make sure when you fight you fight for the right reasons.
I don’t know you but I want to say I feel bad but I know you can get through this and you are loved :heart:

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Morgan Marie Russell hit the nail on the head… been with my husband 22 yrs… in all honesty, I would be lost without him… there are times tho, I think, why? … bc we made a commitment and it’s more than wine, roses and skipping along… it’s more of a roller coaster in the dark, never knowing when a turn or drop is coming, nor the end… exhilarating and horrifying…

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Ignore him & start doing your own things you enjoy without him.

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You say you don’t want to lose him but he’s already gone. He’s mentally checked out. You can’t make someone love you.
I would be willing to bet there is someone else. Every married man I know that left their wives had someone else.
I’m so sorry you are going through this
Love yourself more and realize you deserve better

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I’m sorry, you have to be heartbroken. 14 years is a good amount of time to be with someone. We forget why we fell in love sometimes and don’t realize when it changed. I hope you decide what’s best for you.