I would be so angry sorry you have to deal with that garbage
It’s time to do yourself a favor and leave. You deserve better
Okay so I may be the one who’s completely opposite from every one else in the comments, but here’s my personal take on it (atleast just the gift giving. Him not helping around, he needs to get off his ass and help).
Okay, so I used the be the most touchy feely cuddly person in the world. I was in a very abusive toxic relationship for about 8 years. He never reciprocated cuddling, he never held my hand, he said holding hands and cuddling is for “middle school relationships.” I would buy him such nice thoughtful presents for holidays and work so hard to make things perfect, and he didn’t even say thank you and didn’t care. I would do so much to make him happy, but bottom line is I wasnt good enough for him. I could’ve give him the world and he would have something to complain about.
The last guy I dated, I would always visit, clean his house, do all his laundry, take his garbage out, cook all his meals, buy all the food in the house (we didn’t even live together), make his bed, all that. He never once appreciated me, he never gave me a gift (I’m not really into gifts for myself anyways, so that didn’t bother me that much, but still).
So honestly, I think the next person I date (if I ever do), I don’t know if I’m even capable of doing all that anymore. I’m not that person anymore because I’m kind of broken now.
Your husband was a different person back then. You don’t know how the relationships ended. Maybe he gave so much to all these women, and it still ended so badly and they didn’t treat him well.
Bottom line is, people change, people break, people aren’t who they used to be. He literally may have only done that stuff because they threw such a bit fit over it and he just did it because they asked for it.
I understand where you’re coming from. Not feeling loved sucks. If this is something you can’t get over, you need to have a serious conversation that either it needs to change, or you need to find someone who can give those things to you.
My only point is don’t ever compare your relationship to his past relationships. People change us, we change, sometimes people break us, and we just aren’t the same people anymore.
This makes me feel so sad for you. He obviously doesn’t think that your needs are worth fulfilling. I would not be able to look at him. It would gnaw at me. I think I would have to go.
My bf was that way and i demanded he change and start showing love or I was going to leave. You should demand it because regardless if he was hurt by those women he shouldn’t be punishing you for something they did. If he done that while y’all were together then leave his ass because that’s cheating
I’m unclear how you discovered all of this. When you say you saw an email pop up of his, sounds like there is more going on. How did you discover the handwritten letters, clothes, etc?
You gave him zero expectations to live up to and he didn’t push the issue. He feels like he did exactly what was expected of him. Nothing. Those other women probably had to force his hand at it. I am NOT saying this is your fault. This might just be the kind of weak minded, submissive kind of male that he is.
You need to decide what happens from here.
Do you WANT to be with this man, knowing what you know now?
If not, start making your exit plan. I would stop doing ANYTHING for this man. Period.
But if you do, let him know how horrible this makes you feel and that you either need to start seeing some effort IMMEDIATELY or that you’re going to have to end this. Ask him, point blank, if he loves you. Ask the hard questions and brace yourself in the event that you don’t hear what you want. Don’t yell or scream or whine. Be civil and honest and find out where your relationship stands and where the trajectory is headed.
You deserve to have some effort. Doesn’t have to be expensive stuff if money is truly the issue. But a card is cheap, handwritten letter is free and getting a $10 bouquet from the grocery store is just as beautiful as a $100 bouquet being delivered.
Make your expectations known and make him respect that. You deserve effort. Now that you know he’s capable of effort, force his hand one way or another. Step up or step out.
Get rid of him! Life is too short to settle w/ this loser… there are other men willing to take his place.
I haven’t even read but the very first part about sending the ex wife chocolate …. And that’s it and my advice is to RUN the other direction. No fixing that, no excuse, and it’s a lost cause don’t waste anymore of your valuable time. You don’t have to live that way or put up with never trusting him again.
Im sorry you’ve had to go through this
Why is everyone’s response to questions on this page to leave their spouse???
Ok, so buying a card for a birthday isn’t romantic. ITS CALLED RESPECT. You don’t have to be romantic or anything to buy a Damn card…
So yeah, you better be leaving his ass… spending thousands of dollars on OTHER WOMEN and not a damn card for you… don’t stay… please.
It’s time for a sit down talk… and counseling. He needs to understand your frustration. Tell him that he needs to step up. Remind him of birthdays & anniversaries. Write it on the calendar. Tell (!!!) Him that you expect something !!! Then tell him what you want.
If you didn’t make that a requirement then you can’t complain. And you shouldn’t be going through his things
Honey, I’m pissed for you…
The complete disregard…
But I agree w some of the Comments on here where he may have learnt his lesson… But I understand when your man can write lovely cards and you’ve seen his words but we don’t qualify…
If he wanted to he would. Its as simple as that. He is showing you how he feels about you, believe him. The decision is yours on what youll stay and accept.
I’d be done with that relationship
I’d give him the heat to change his ways and if he can’t do it for you I’d leave. Life is way too short to be wondering why you’re not good enough for the person who says they love you but doesn’t show it.
A friend of mine used to tell my X husband you snooze you lose…try to tell him what you want and expect. he can’t or won’t follow thru you either except it or you move on. Most of the time the ones I know won’t change beca7se they see nothing wrong g with their behavior. Good luck
Did you just call your own children " big headed !".
My husband never does this either. We been married 30 yrs next month. He keeps in touch with his ex to keep in touch with how the kids are. …so do I.
I can understand why your angry and upset he is spending thousands on them. That’s twisted and and disrespectful to you. If you have already had this talk then your only recourse is to File for divorce and go back home. You sound like you miss it. Homesickness is real and hard to deal with.
You need therapy and possibly couple if you want to salvage your marriage. I would definitely separate your bank account so he doesn’t use your money. You deserve respect and love. If your not feeling either …get out.
You don’t need those things to say you are special to someone. They should make you feel special without all the frills. Your children are more important than candy and flowers. It truly is a waste of money. I tell mine to buy me seeds or plants that can live for yrs. Otherwise they die and you just wasted so much money. Spend your money wisely. I wish you the best. God bless.
Hate to tell you this girl,but……Because you’ve always let him get away with it!..I sooo feel for you tho…big hug & try & talk to him about it calmly xx
I got this up on my wall . If your not be treated nice then fuck him off and with the toxic friends I say .
I wonder if he stopped giving gifts and flowers because of how much he gave previous partners.
He did all that for them but still ended up alone.
It could just be that he is scared to give again.
If he wasn’t romantic from the beginning, that, in my opinion, shows he was protecting himself.
My moms boyfriend is like this. He was upfront with her about it though. He no longer is the romantic type after his divorce. She accepted it. I feel like he should have been honest with you on WHY he chooses to no longer do it rather than pretend he doesn’t know how.
Sounds like you do way to much for him. He knows he doesn’t have to do anything so he doesn’t! You can’t get mad at him for this when he did tell you, and you accepted it. If this happened in the past and not during relationship the. You honestly shouldn’t be mad.
Now the fact the he does fuck all around the house and what not that’s another story! You guys sound like you need therapy! I suggest talking to someone
Get out ASAP dogs don’t change there spots get you n your kids a better life
I get your view on this. My fellow is not a romantic either. I accepted him for how he was. I wouldn’t appreciate someone being fake. But it would be upsetting knowing how this is how he “was” to someone else.
Is he currently buying gifts for other women, or do you mean this was prior to you guys dating?
The fact that you paid for all of your travel and hotel to visit him should have been a huge red flag. He’s a selfish child and you aren’t going to change him.
He does not deserve you, he is not worth it. Find someone who cares for you.
You are good enough to be treated right, sweetheart… just, maybe not by/with him your worth doesn’t depend or rest on HIS ability to love you in the ways you desire and need. You’re in the right for being upset that he’s done these things for previous lovers, but not you, the mother of his kids! that’s reasonable a f:heavy_heart_exclamation: I’m so sorry you’re going through this & I hope that either he shapes up, or you gain the strength to leave
Money is a stupid excuse on his part. It’s the thought and effort that truly matters. $5 bouquet from the store would make your year. All because you would know he thought about you and your feelings for ONCE.
Heck the $1 store has cards…
He doesn’t deserve you.
Oh Hun. It sounds like he needs a good ol’ butt kick. The problem is that you let him get away with this crap for 6 years. He has never had to put effort into you so why would he unless you tell him he needs to start now or you are done.
What do you mean he doesn’t even do the dishes…are you kidding me??? No. He needs to put effort into everything!!! You , the kids, the house. Absolutely everything.
Tell him to leave and you get child support for 3 children and he gets no one to cook and clean for him! I would totally be like f you dude not worth anymore of my time!
He’s a POS. He doesn’t care enough to show you that he loves you. To acknowledge you. I’m so sorry.
You are fine, he is trash
Men do what they want for who they want.
Talk with a counselor. You need someone. It’s different for everyone. If it’s past it’s different than present. Move forward with or without him. But examine the whole situation first
Stop doing everything make him help and don’t acknowledge his birthday or holidays see how he likes it
Kinda don’t feel bad for you because you know you wanted all those things & still accepted it when he told you he wasn’t romantic. On the other hand, I feel like he stopped being romantic after he saw giving all those gifts didn’t keep him & his exes together. He needs to heal & you need to focus on self love.
buying a card isn’t a romantic gesture it’s what people do to acknowledge someone they care about. He’s a lame excuse for a man
LEAVE HIM IMMEDIATELY.
Throw that trash out, it’s starting to stink.
He may have seen buying all that expensive crap wasn’t worth the heartache and some women stick around and USE men for the benefits of getting gifts. He chose another route with you and you never expected a thing. It made the relationship prove its merits based on feelings and not objects … that being said … there is no good dang reason on gods green earth that man can’t pick wildflowers or write a note. I’m sure there are empty old envelopes from bills laying around and dollar tree has tons of paper for dirt cheap. It’s the EFFORT and the THOUGHT and intent… not the price tag. Him bringing home wild flowers, making dinner and doing the dang dishes and putting the kids to bed solo is sooooooo thoughtful and romantic! Snagging your favorite chips or candy when he gets gas is sweet and thoughtful.
If you want it, demand it, tell him exactly what you want. Men are creatures of habit and will literally give you what you want to make you happy, you just have to be clear and concise with telling them.
Sit him down… tell him this…
“After much thought I have come to the conclusion you wanted a woman to want and love you based on a connection and emotions but on material things that won’t move your lives forward. That being said, my love, I know you DO have a romantic side as proof from your past. What I WANT from you is some effort and thought from time to time. Pick me a wild flower, dance with me in the kitchen, cook us dinner, we can go on a picnic that YOU plan and prepare AND find a sitter for the kids. Simple things just for us to keep our connection growing as we evolve as people and a family. I want you to think of my and bring me home a snack I like when you get gas. I want you to pick bouquets of flowers and bring them to me. Teach the boys to show appreciation and love by simple thoughtful acts! I’d like some help with the boys after work even if it’s you setting the table or making plates for the boys, or bathe them, or do the dishes while I bathe them… let’s do the bedtime routine together for our babies! You read to one, I read to one, hugs and kisses and tuck them in, switch rooms, hug and kiss for the other kid then the next night we swap which kid we read to. I want these things and you are very capable of them. I expect some effort.”
And on the flip side… YOU set the example and show your appreciation with notes and planning a movie and snack night in the home… find a sitter… play golf or hand ball or put out together. You BOTH have to put in effort to show love and appreciation. What have you done for him?? Did you gas up his vehicle and leave a love note and his favorite beef jerky in his vehicle? Pack a lunch and hide a small wild flower and note? it’s a two way street
Is he still giving these women these gifts while in a relationship with you? He and his family probably stopped doing these thing because they may have felt used by these women and it’s not about you not being good enough. If he’s still giving these women gifts I would say he’s cheating and you need to leave him. If he’s not giving these women anything I think he was just tired of giving giving women gifts and getting crapped on. There are so many better things he could be doing to show he loves you and it would be romantic. If he complains you’re not making enough that’s a red flag because now that you’re in a relationship and have children the money he makes and you make is a shared deal. Couples counseling would be my suggestion. Until then I would put “your” money in a separate account since he seems to think you’re not a couple and your money is separate and you should pay for yourself for everything. Just so it’s not so hard for you to separate from him. Also if you do his laundry and stuff I’d stop. And treat him like he’s just a person there that you have no responsibility for since he seems to think you have to finciancially take care of yourself. Maybe with some couples counseling he will see you are the gem he should have waited for to do all these things for. But buying you things isn’t romantic to me. Romantic is taking time to spend with you and make you feel special. Buying you things will not fix your hurt. You’re going to feel empty if he buys you flowers and chocolates and big teddy bears. You’re going to need something deeper. Something real. Even if it’s a simple walk at dusk holding hands. Moments. You’re going to want meaningful moments from him, not things.
Treat him how he does you.
Tell him to fuck off. Be done w him
If you really don’t know what to do, then you’re condoning his lies and abuse of you.
if he is doing that stuff while married to you he is cheating . dont put up with this get out while you can
I’m sorry but I don’t think he loves you.
Girl. The moment u found that shit out I hope u packed ur shit and moved urself and his clones out and ur sending this from ur moms couch. If so good for u . Men like that will never be happy . Leave his ass
He is completely useless. He doesn’t care, he only cares what he can get from you. I would start planning my exit promptly. Stop being a doormat , stand up and walk. He will NEVER change. If he does it’s for a wk or 2 to keep you around. You deserve so much better, you are worthy!
Wtf that’s just WRONG
What an absolute ASS.
My boyfriend said leave his ass if he doesn’t want to put in the effort.
POS leave get child support, teach that AH that I’d make him pay thats ridiculous his ex’s nail his behind oh catch him idk he’s an idiot.
DAMM. I Think move on lol
What a f——-, no good husband!!!
Oh girl I’m sorry! This made me so mad for you.
There are plenty of romantic traits he could give you without money or buying you gifts… you can hand make a card. He obviously doesn’t respect you enough to care. Has no consideration for your feelings or needs. You can stay and be unhappy and resentful. or leave and live your best life! Good luck
Because people will move mountains for the people they love. He isn’t willing to do that for you
Divorce him and he’ll b romantic w you as he did the others so sorry he don’t appreciate you move on
That man would NEVER touch me again. It would be done. Please for the love of your babies, get away from this monster. Yeah, he is a monster:face_with_symbols_over_mouth:
Dude’s using money as an excuse… Hand picked flowers & hand written notes/letters are the best!! & freeeeee!!
I would say it has nothing to do with you being good enough or anything about you. Maybe cause of his past heart aches and doing all that materialistic stuff and spending all that wasting money just to be hurt and dumped he learnt from it all. Maybe he said that it the beginning cause he was afraid you would do the same as his ex wife or ex girlfriends and hurt him and leave and that why he said he’s not a romantic and doesn’t know how to do that stuff. What really matters is that your a team, love each other and show it. The other stuff is just materials and really mean nothing as you can see from his past in a relationship. Just wasted money he threw away on people he thought loved him. Maybe his family feels the same as well on wasted money and use by these women are more careful now. Man can be sensitive just the same as women and be really hurt in past relationships that make them nervous in new ones and more careful. I’m kind of curious why you would go digging into his past if everything was fine and you where fine with it. The past is in the past but depending how bad you where treated and hurt it can follow you into new relationships and just cause you have kids with someone dosent mean the relationship will be forever and work. When people man and women get hurt over and over again they start to tread carefully.
Leave his @$$. He doesn’t love you. He likes using you.
Is he still buying this stuff for these woman if so then big red flag he’s cheating but if he isn’t still buying then yes he has dropped the ball big time you don’t need all the gifts to make something romantic and special it’s all about the thought of it that counts something you can cherish as a memory forever you can’t take material things with you when you go and you being the mother of his children he could’ve cooked a dinner or something for you on Mother’s Day or done something that is just showing he isn’t in love with you at all the right man will treat you how you want to be treated and the same way back for him he would go above and beyond to prove his love for you so I would say I would be packing some bags and out after 6 yrs of nothing no romantic things done for you something isn’t right and then he tells you that you don’t make enough I surely hope he ain’t saying that while he’s buying stuff for these woman if he still is cuz boy does he sound dumb taking from his family to give to other woman he is just out right being selfish he didn’t want the family roll he shouldn’t have started a family time for him to man up and do what he needs to do as a man or I’d be out good luck and sorry men suck sometimes but we live and learn from the mistakes we made take this relationship as a lesson and just know what you will and will not put up with in future relationships:pray:
Man I’m so sorry. I understand. He reminds me so much of someone I know. I’m sorry girl. If you need to talk, message please.
That is so messed up. He isn’t gonna change. Id leave when I could if I was you. Im sorry you are going through this
None of that sounds like it’s worth the pain. I feel for you . I hope you end up happy no matter what you choose to do from here. Good luck girl
Have you tried throwing the whole man away?
Full of sh…demand respect
Just to put another spin on things. Maybe those women hurt him. Maybe he bought their time and affection. So maybe just Maybe he thought it would be better to not do it with you and hopefully you would stick around. Alot of people especially women are into materialistic things the fact that you accepted he wasn’t that type and stuck around for 6 years and 3 babies later proved you were a keeper and he’s probably realised that and then felt it would be weird to start doing romantic gestures.
Sad. I would tell him you need a break from him and watch how romantic he’ll suddenly convert to get back. Good luck!
Require marital therapy and honest involvement or divorce him….and take more control! You are not the hired help!
Ik how u feel. My estranged husband rarely did stiff like that for me or took over caring for the kids when I was either sick as a dog or hurting so bad it’d make me break into a cold sweat to just move…he cheated and left his family for the twit and it grinds my nerves wen I see him go to town to get her whatever she wants or cooks dinner cuz she stubbed her toe and is on her dea th bed or lets her just lay about all day while others watch their kids since she thinks thst since there are other adults who watches them to make sure they’re not into things or getting taking care of any thing they do she feels she doesn’t need to b up her kids asses…yes that is her mentality that if other ppl are around she doesn’t have to do it and flat out WONT even bat an eye of she hears others getting onto them…we point things out to him and he just let’s her continue or if anyone calls her out he’ll agree with whatever her side is even tho he knows she’s not dóin right by them…plus it’s made worse wen the silly witch knows he didn’t do certain things while we were together and she likes to rub it in talk qbout insult to injury
So you are comparing yourself to his ex’s. That’s a good way to always lose.
I would take that sucker for everything he has got and divorce his butt.
Remember for better or worse after leaving my husband of 25 years that did give me a lot of attention but infinitely came into play so we divorced no kids thought he was my best friend never abused me or Demeaned me in any way other than that. A lot of times I wish I had stayed with him because the relationship I’ve been in for 9 years has been hell with a sprinkle of heaven. Pray this will totally break you down if you don’t change your mind frame focus on pampering yourself and children and your husband … maybe he feels like he wasn’t truly appreciated by his exes and just don’t make any effort any more. All I get is hey bye love you what we gonna eat can you bring me some drink… I MEAN THATS ALL so really take a hard look at your pros and cons WRITE THEM DOWN and when you read all the PROS think of all the things you do have ! Much love and blessings. I’m in the process of starting to do just that
Go back to Australia now take your boys LEAVE NOW.
He could’ve given you these things and it not cost a fortune to do so. A card would’ve made you feel thought of and appreciated. You have every right to feel hurt over this.
Get a divorce. He is full of bull sh… Blaming you is his way of gaslighting you. Its not your fault. It is his.
Kick him to the curb.he thinks it’s allowed let him know you know and it is no longer how it will be
Your not his ex. Sounds like he was hurt from them even after he did all these… things. I would more so have a open conversation with him and let him know that you expect and want better. You can’t live in the past.
A man will only do what you allow. If you required nothing of him then you can’t be upset. Maybe the other women let him know they required the love and affection or he couldn’t be with them so he acted accordingly. That being said he is still a jerk and you should move on or require him to step it up!
Geeezz…. He’s a piece of shit .
Ted card:cn:or red flag get out quickly hes a user and a looser u deserve better but u are NOT gonna get it there 4 sure hes bitter over something ?and ur getting d hammering over it all run fast as u can
He doesn’t appreciate you and while I’m not in your relationship or have any other info. If that was my husband, and made my own money maybe I could go back home . I would leave him 100%
Ofcourse your mad, any woman would be. Even a simple love letter or homemade card is free. Look, you can divorce him and have him pay childsupport for all three boys. Depending on how long you’ve been married, you could file for alimony. If he really think your not worth it, maybe now he will since he has to pay for your living expense. Im serious, men don’t wake up until they loose their money. Thats what this guy sounds like. He has been using you since the beginning. Love yourself enough to walk away, kick him out, have him evicted from his own home. He will wake up fast
He would be getting served some papers. That’s wrong of him on every level.
Lay down the law if that doesn’t work then leave and find someone that actually treats u like the QUEEN YOU ARE!!!
I’d be so done!! Screw him and all his lies!! You are so much better than that!!
Ohhhh helllll nooooo! That’s soooo ridiculous!! You need to leave. He sounds like an asshole.
I would Run asap
He sounds like a real ass. If you accept being treated as a maid and bank its on you
1 stop doing anything for him that he don’t return no gifts not nice things. 2 just bc he works don’t mean he can’t help with the housework and cooking. 3 I get having less money but I would also be fuming you can get flowers and a card for under $20 he just lazy
Y’all marry some trash ass men
You accepted it and so he saw no need to.
When dating n he never paid 4 anything that was a humongous RED flag!!! U Married a Narcissistic Pig!!!
Could be bc those others shit on him so he gave up.???
That being said…get out …leave…heslied about that what else has he and is he lying about.???
Go out and find you romantic…
Why are you still settling for someone who can’t even give you the bare minimum, when it clearly shows here that you know you’re worth so much more? He either chooses to fix himself so you both can grow or you choose yourself. What one man won’t do, another man will do for you… and he won’t make you beg for it.
Stop doing everything for him only don’t for yourself and the kids. Eventually he will realise how awesome you are and he will be on his knees begging and promising he will change. The problem in relationships is that the woman takes care of everyone, give him his independence back and let him figure it out.
Your not the one that’s why I waited 10 yrs with my ex nothing my now husband has given me more in less then 2 yrs