Husband of 9 years has told me, for the 2nd time this year, if it wasn’t for the kids, we wouldn’t be together right now. And he is very, very unhappy. How would you take that? My friend said it pretty much means he doesn’t love me. The reason he told me this was because I told him I’m sick of his gaming addiction and him not helping around the house with anything. That is just bringing home a paycheck doesn’t mean he has done his part as a dad and husband. And he thinks I need to get off my lazy ass and go to work also. I plan to this year, but he just makes me feel like I do nothing. I admit, I am depressed and burned out from carrying it all for so long that I don’t think I can do it anymore. Tia
97 Likes
If a man told be he wouldn’t be with me if we didn’t have the kids. . . he’d be single 
Why stay with a man whose unhappy and settling?
8 Likes
Leave since you are already doing it all on your own. Find someone that wants to be a part of your family and appreciates you.
4 Likes
Unhappy parents tend to lead to unhappy children. Separate and learn how to co-parent with each other
8 Likes
It means he’s only with you because of the kids, not sure how much clearer you want it. 
13 Likes
Yup. Leave. No one deserves to be in an unhappy marriage and staying for the kids can cause long term mental problems. Just don’t be a bitch and take the kids out of spite.
I think you definitely need to separate
It sounds like you are both hurting and being selfish. You need to decide if you wanna fix it or move on before it gets any more toxic. But that means assessing his needs as much as yours. Better think on it.
4 Likes
Leave. You’ll be better off and that’s probably why your depressed.
Yep he needs to go. What Man plays video games? He needs to grow up. Don’t waste any more time sweetie 2020 is on us and you my friend need a new beginning.
1 Like
You resent him for playing video games and not helping around the house. He resents you for not contributing financially.
Go to counseling or go your separate ways.
25 Likes
Im a little over a year FREE of hearing that. You deserve better. Have to see if things are fixable or gotta walk
Run like the devil is after you, because he will never change and if he loved you he would never say that to you.
Tell him to pack his bags, or better yet you do it for him and say bye, hes telling you hes in happy, and hes mentally abusing you by telling you your lazy soooo
He’s a douche and probably cheat. Get a job and a new man
3 Likes
Sounds like hes made it clear he is only still with you cuz yall have kids since he said exactly that lol. If I were told that by my spouse I’d end things and get my own place or have them leave or whatever is easiest… whats the point of staying together if its only for the kids? That does more damage than anything else to the children so may as well separate now and move on with your life before your home becomes an even more unloving toxic enviornment for the kids to grow up in. Hopefully you can co-parent civilly.
4 Likes
Sounds like you’re both unhappy, try to find a way to bring that spark back but if he/you are unwilling it might just be time to call it quits.
2 Likes
He’s not happy, you’re not happy, I can promise you that your kids sense that! Don’t stay together for the kids, they deserve better.
2 Likes
Maybe you both are tired from each other feeling like you are both carrying it all. He’s working and paying the bills. You’re at home taking care of the house and kiddos. It’s a two way street.
A serious talk is likely needed and go from there. You both are unhappy but for different reasons.
9 Likes
He’ll regret saying that one day. And you’ll be too happy to care. Promise. Move on. Quickly.
1 Like
There is no time for fuck ass men. Be single and let a new love happen when it’s right.
Pack your shit and leave his ass with the kids and let him be a stay at home dad for a day bet he begged you to help and will treat you better
Run to counselling. Or divorce may be imminent :-(. This sounds like a very unhappy marriage for you both. Staying just simply for kids is not healthy. It teaches kids that they need to settle for misery in their lives despite having a clear way out, And bettering yourself and your situation. Happy mother and father = happy kids. Unhappy parents = unhappy kids.
Leave his ass in 2019 you nor those babies need that negativity in y’all’s lives. It will suck at first but you deserve so much better
It’s not that he doesn’t love you, it’s that you hold him accountable. Instead of condoning to his behavior. It’s still toxic and he isn’t nowhere ready to come to terms with HIS problems. Get out. Go enjoy life!
1 Like
Time for marriage counseling, if that doesn’t work and you guys can’t solve your problems time to leave and move on. Takes two to make the marriage work.
1 Like
He’s told you how he feels. I would move on. Work on yourself, get some therapy for your depression, and get your life going.
Typical gambler…doesnt like to be told he has a problem…hes hurting…you both need to sit down and nut it out…
3 Likes
so why are you? Figure out if he is worth fighting for or you are also staying for the kids. Try counseling.
Get a life one that you love go he is not in love anymore but for sure the grass is never greener on the other side he is in for a rude awakening
Work on you, build up self esteem get a job. Then time for him to go
1 Like
A relationship like that is not only bad for you it’s bad for the kids. The kids should be able to see their parents happy and love each other . There’s no sense in staying and being unhappy just because you have kids . You have to think would your kids rather see you two miserable together or happy and apart .
1 Like
At one point y’all loved each other, obviously 9 years is a long time to just be devoted to one person. Maybe sit down and talk and see if he’d like to try and fix things. Maybe if you got a part time job 1-2 days a week maybe he’d feel more helpful because your contributing financially too. If you guys don’t feel you can fix it or even want too then it’s best for everyone if you separate. You’ll be happy he’ll be happy and most importantly the kids would be safe and happy! Love yourselves and your kids enough to know what it feels like to be happy.
1 Like
I am with my husband now because he felt the same way about his ex wife, he was miserable, wasn’t physically attracted to her and had nothing in common after a few years went by, he only married her because he is a good man and did the right thing when he got her pregnant, he wanted the white picket fence and to be a family, he realized that there is more to a relationship than just being a stand up guy, he really had to love her and be her best friend… needless to say he found that in me and we are very happy. He has never ever said anything like that to me and never will. Sorry girl, he doesn’t love you, he loves his kids and he is a hard worker bringing home all the money to let you stay home. He will find his soulmate and so you need to prepare yourself for that.
1 Like
You have a door right? Show it to him! NEVER beg someone to stay 🙅🏼
4 Likes
Make a plan but let it be unknown. Work. Safe what you can. Make a plan b for where to live. File for child support. Spouse support.
3 Likes
I would have done left his ass a long time theres nothing wrong with playing video games but if hes playing all of the time and not pulling his weight how is that fair to you being a stay at home mom is a huge job and men dont see that most of the time but my husband at one point was the stay at home dad and i went to work and he admitted that he finnaly seen how much i really do you need to be happy never stay with a mom because of kids
Kick him to the kerb. I was in a relationship for 7 years with a pathological gambler. it’s not worth your piece of mind and if he doesn’t help with the children then he forfeits his right to participate in their lives.
You should definitely try counseling. But if he’s not open to it then you should separate. I know you’re exhausted right now, but I finally got the courage to leave my ex who didn’t do anything and found that my life was actually soooo much easier without him. I became a single mother to 2 young children and as someone else mentioned in the comments above it won’t be any harder than what you’re doing now AND you’ll have some free time to take care of yourself!
6 Likes
I left my husband. I can’t divorce him until i have our 3rd baby.
He would only have to tell me that once for me to leave.
4 Likes
What do you mean “how would you take that?”!!? How many different ways can it be taken? Love yourself enough to take your kids and leave that poor excuse for a man!
4 Likes
He’s clearly unhappy. Don’t overthink, overreact. Comprehend and try your best to move on with your life. Hopefully, you have not built your entire world around him [alot of women tend to]. Hopefully you both can do this amicably.
1 Like
Staying together “for the kids” isn’t healthy. If my husband told me that I’d leave.
2 Likes
Screw him sister. Gaming men are ridiculous when they choose that shit over their family.
Get a job and find your happy place. Dont rely on a man to get you there. Good luck and SCREW HIM!
Break it off with him. Just a straight asshole.
Move on! I could never, ever, be with someone who told me that AND monkey on his back!
2 Likes
You need to leave . Even if only temporary . Distance will answer all your questions. You are already doing it all on your own so the biggest issue you will have is getting used to not being together . I was in the same boat and after three months apart it fixed everything . It put a whole new perspective on our relationship It will help you realize if you two truly love each other still and want to be together.
3 Likes
Let him go…you’ll both be happier.
1 Like
He’s avoiding paying child support sounds like tell the fool to kick rocks
1 Like
Molly maids , just pick up trash make sure laundry thrown in closet & do to husband working , he can help pay for molly maids with his job… then just stress on laundry and dishes.
I’m really thinking about this myself lol
Walk away and get a job or two!
Don’t stay together for the kids. It’s not healthy for any of you. If he says he’s unhappy, and you are unhappy, chances are the kids are unhappy as well and the negative energy isn’t good for their wellbeing. I’d get a job asap, save whatever you can and get you and the kids a place to live. Two happy homes are better than one unhappy home
8 Likes
Get a job !
Be independent !
Save all you can put it where he doesn’t know you have it!!
Good luck and get away from Mr Toxic!!
4 Likes
Why don’t you just flipping leave and take him for all you can. Or stay and say forget it and do what you want with how you want. Your not trapped
When you find a job, save up and leave
1 Like
When a guy says that hun get gone xx
3 Likes
I would tell him "what you wont do another guy would love to " and it’s a dam shame he doesn’t realize that but you can remind him of your worth . If my x game attic man can realize it so can yours. But you have the right to have a different type of relationship if you want it and that’s goes along with happiness. Hes definitely treating you unfairly
I think it’s possible he said it out of anger… with that being said I think the problem is that you guys arent agreeing with the roles you think the other should have. From what I hear, he thinks you should either work OR be responsible fully for the housework. You think he should work and be responsible for housework. You guys just need to compromise and go from there.
While everyone is telling you to leave, please remember that sometimes people say mean things out of anger. I’ve said the same to my husband and absolutely didnt mean it. I highly recommend marriage counseling.
3 Likes
It’s not about you ,it’s about him.I would make an exit plan ,and from some safe space away from him and his gaming addiction (if he prefers it to his family and esp his kids ,that’s what it is)perhaps the marriage can be salvaged with open eyes on Both sides…you have 2kids and alot of time together 
its worth trying (both of you)before just walking away.
1 Like
I would say see ya, but that’s the frame of mind I am in right now. I would be extremely upset, and that’s crazy he said that as he obviously said it to hurt you. I am sorry that he has said this. 
3 Likes
If he’s telling you this now mark my words that man does not love you! This is a man that will meet another woman,who works and doesn’t mind his gaming and he will leave you for her and you will be devastated, broken and alone and your kids will witness this I promise you! Pick your battles so what if he plays his game’s,he works and brings home a paycheck he should be able to relax and enjoy SOME time when he is home but not ALL the time that is unacceptable,my advice from someone who has been in this situation and have watched other’s go through it. GET A JOB, save some money in a secret account and make yourself stable and leave him before he leaves you! Xoxo best of luck 
4 Likes
Leave him and do for you and the kids
1 Like
Why do people always try to decipher the truth?! He simply told you he wasnt happy…twice!!! What else do you think he is trying to say?
6 Likes
I wouldn’t wait for him to go
1 Like
I would of said bye heres the door get out!
Honestly wouldnt of thought twice about it he would of been gone the second he told me the first time.
You need to just kick him out
He’s probably planning his exit
2 Likes
Well honestly sounds like he’s just staying for the kids. I would start making plans to be out on my own. If you have family that can help you with the kids so you can work I’d start asking for help. Maybe even looking into getting state help for daycare if it’s offered in you area. Find a job and start saving. I don’t stay where I’m not welcomed and I don’t put up with people like that, married or not.
1 Like
He’s a butthole . Surprise him with an exit plan when you’re ready and poof be gone . You don’t say things to people you want to be with
2 Likes
Leave him, that is terrible for him to say. Sounds like he is just trying to hurt you. Nobody is going to just stay with someone and be as miserable as he says he is.
Counseling or I think it’s time to leave
You’re both adults and relationships are about communication. Maybe get a sitter and go out and actually talk it over. If he truly thinks he would be happier without you then maybe take a break. nothing is worth having if your not going to fight for it. The problem these days is no one wants to put the work in to save and keep what they have. Out with the old on with the new. It’s disgusting. Maybe he is just burnt out and needs some space. Just do you look for a job and give him some space.
I would tell him dont let the door hit you on the way out byeeee
2 Likes
Yes I would get a job and leave he is not worth it especially when he tells you what he does !! Life is to short to live like that believe me I know !!
2 Likes
I would take what he is saying seriously. And if that’s how he feels then maybe you should consider separating.
Hes deflecting by telling you that, it takes away from his gambling and makes you stop asking him to stop. I suggest going to an alanon meeting, you’ll be surprised at how many people know exactly how your feeling
1 Like
I could have Wrote this post myself except for my husband saying he doesn’t love me anymore.
1 Like
He told.you pain as can be he isn’t happy and doesn’t wanna be with you. Do you need a bigger sign than that?
You better get you a job girl before you end up left with nothing. I’m not being mean or trying to hurt your feelings. I am being very real. I know women that solely depend on a mans income and get blindsided. Go talk to someone about your depression and get on some meds and maybe you will feel better. Being a full time mom is hard and you deserve to be happy with or without him. Just don’t end up in a crazy situation where you are blindsided.
2 Likes
Mine quit bringing a paycheck on top of doing nothing. I had to tell him to he’s gotta go. It was hard with 3 kids. A lot of issues because we’re not together.
I would’ve left the first time he said that to me
2 Likes
Cut him loose!! For real! Don’t waste another minute of your life with him! Find someone who loves you and appreciates you truly.
Kelly HendersonKelly is so right…be independent
Definitely try counseling.
You need make your own income for you and your kids. Separate for now then divorce him. If you need it put him on child support. You should not have to deal with someone that toxic.
1 Like
Get that job. Make your own money and leave him. No one deserves that.
5 Likes
I would leave if he didnt want to be with me. I wouldnt want to be in a relationship when my husband didnt want to be in it too.
1 Like
Fuck him I’m sure he doesn’t even help with them
It’s definitely a sad thing to hear. But remember he has feelings too, maybe he is feeling unappreciated about working all day and all week and coming home to a wife that might complain about what he doesn’t do, instead of how much he does for you? A wife can get so focused on a husbands hobbies and maybe lack of attention to kids when you’ve been taking care of the kids all day, but it could be his way to escape it all and destress… definitely try marriage counselling to hear each other out before you both say things you can’t take back
3 Likes
You’ve been with him for a long time, have u worked at all?? Maybe thats why he’s upset if u haven’t… I say leave him, but if u do u need to be able to stand on your own feet…
I’m gonna say something that no one has said.
Women has to stop relying on their mans to provide and giving them the power to humiliate them.
Having kids is not an excuse to stay home.
I’m out of state on a work trip that lasted 20 days, I have a newborn of 2 months.
I just did 100 hours of work last week.
I make more money than my husband, isn’t easy but just bc I have a baby I won’t stop working. I worked the whole 9 months of pregnancy, and went back to work after 4 weeks. It was really hard to not be with my baby, but I’m a extremely organized person so I made arrangements before he was even born.
The minute my guy starts talking shit about not wanting to be with me, that guy is gone. A woman has to be fully capable of taking care of herself, and not having to depend on no one, because in this life the only for sure thing is death.
Get a job, make a plan and live that mofo. No reason to endure humiliation from a man.
Maybe if you were working he wouldn’t be so miserable trying to pull all the weight with no help from you financially. That would burn anyone out and make them resentful in my opinion. Unless it was discussed that you would stay home and he would be the sole supporter of the whole family, in which case he should have had a discussion with you that it was too much of a burden on him and that you needed to go to work and contribute as well.
1 Like
Probably not the answer you want… but leave or try counseling. You have to think about you and your kids.
Sounds like a not so awsome guy that does not really want to make sacrifices as well all do as parents. Having children with someone is not a means why you should stay in a unhappy relationship. Kids change your life and some dont want to make change for the better.
1 Like
Try solo and couple counseling. If that doesn’t work tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out.
Do you need to be handed the divorce papers to finally get the picture he’s plainly set out for you? Just leave, geez if he’s not in love with you and doesn’t help leave. You don’t need him especially if he’s just a paycheck
Love dare
Counceling
Fireproof movie
There are three sides to every story. His story. Her story. The truth.
My husband and I dealt with this for awhile. He didn’t think I did enough while he was at work. I didn’t work very briefly and I would chew him out for not helping me around the house when we both worked full time. We talked about it. Was honest. And found some compromise.
There were times we fought and I thought we wouldnt be together if we didnt have kids. It’s probably true. Kids give you a reason to stick around and try even when you don’t want to. Doesn’t mean it’s over. It means y’all need to work some shit out.
Dont stay just for kids … I learned that the hard way .
You can do it . No need to stay in a relationship like that , it will turn you into a very miserable person , you don’t deserve that .